


Down in the Forest

by Trashler



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anti-Depressants, Anxiety, College, Depression, I made Debby a total bitch oops sorry, I overuse commas and italics and I'm not even sorry, M/M, Rough Sex, Smut, Sorry Jenna, Sorry Josh, Tyler is a vegetarian and I'm not even sorry, Weed, like colour and favourite, my spelling is British English, slow building, sorry god, sorry mom, sorry tyler
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-07-19 10:34:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 49
Words: 285,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7357759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trashler/pseuds/Trashler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Slow building College AU, full of angst and smut.</p><p>Tyler struggles with anxiety, depression, and self-doubt as he tries to deal with leaving home for the first time, living with his best friend, Brendon (who is a little shit), and having to settle for studying English because he can't read music. </p><p>Then he meets Josh, an impossibly cool record store employee who turns his plans up on their head.</p><p>(A.K.A. The longest Joshler fic on Ao3, oops.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Leaving

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first story ever posted ANYWHERE, so thank you for giving it your time. You guys are also the first people to read this. I tried to read and reread it to fix any mistakes, but after a while the words stop making sense, so I apologise profusely for any I've missed. 
> 
> Feel free to point out any of my short comings in the comments, and I'm, sorry, for, all, the, commas. _And italics._
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

If Tyler had to sum up his feelings in one word, he'd choose terrified. It's the morning of the day he'd been both longing for and dreading for months now. 

College. 

When he first found out he'd been accepted into his university of choice, (Ohio, of course, because his mother wouldn't have it any other way,) he felt this overwhelming mixture of excitement and paralysing fear. Needless to say, he had to go. He'd already managed to work his way out of the basketball scholarship his parents had been so adamant he was getting, there was no way he was getting out of college altogether. 

It's not even that he doesn't want to go. He knows the experience will be wonderful in a lot of ways, that he'll meet new people and try new things. He knows it's going to be great, but he also knows it's going to be awful. Tyler has never spent more than a couple of nights away from home in the past, with the exception of family holidays. He's never been in charge of buying all his own food before, paying bills, having to force himself to work rather than having teachers or parents pressure him to succeed. He's never been in charge of himself before, not like this. It all feels very grown up, and he isn't sure if he likes it. 

The thought of having to start all over somewhere new is alarming, but there's excitement there too. He could be whoever he wanted to be. A circle of friends who know nothing of his past sounded very tempting, but there's social anxiety to overcome, as well as self-doubt, insecurities, occasional bouts of depression...

This is where his thoughts take him as he stands in his now very bare bedroom. He looks around the room, rectangular patches of darker paint on the walls from where the sun has faded the paint around now absent posters and dust still settling after everything has been torn from its place. He feels as empty inside as his room looks. It's going to be a long time before this is his room again. He shakes his head, as if physically trying to rid his mind of these thoughts, before grabbing the last box sitting on the floor. 

He's officially moved out. 

He hears his mom calling him from downstairs and moves out into the hallway. 

"Sweetheart, Brendon will be here for you in five minutes and your father and I are still waiting for a proper goodbye!" she shouts up. He knows she's putting a lot of effort into holding it together and he appreciates it. If she falls apart, he'll crumble too. He's her first kid to 'fly the nest' as they say, and he knows it's got to be getting to her. 

"I'll be right there, mom!" he calls out, taking one last glance around his room before he trudges downstairs with his box. 

There are a lot of hugs and kisses to the face from his mother. He sees the tears in her eyes threaten to spill over, but they don't. He's so thankful that she's not crying, so grateful that she's holding in her tears to save him from his own, his vision blurry with them gathering around his lower lids. 

"Be good, Tyler. Study hard. Push yourself, do your best, you'll regret it later if you don't. Have fun, but not too much. Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" Tyler stifles a laugh at that and gets a stern look in response. "I'm serious! Don't think I don't know the kinds of things college kids get up to, you're lucky I'm even letting you go!" she sighs and Tyler doesn't doubt it for a second. He nods at her words and pulls her in for another hug. 

Next it's his dad's turn and he's being squeezed so tightly around the chest that he can't draw in a breath. "Dad!" he chokes out, tapping his father's shoulder. 

"Sorry. Listen to your mother, son. Behave. Get good grades. We're _proud of you_."

Tyler beams at the last four words. It's all he wants. He just wants to make his parents proud. If he had his own way, all of his time would be dedicated to music. He'd be busking on the streets if he had to, he just wants to play. He had somehow managed to convince his parents that they couldn't force him into a basketball scholarship, that he couldn't be stuck doing something he hated for years. Sure, when he was little he'd decided he wanted to grow up and be 'just like Michael Jordon', but he'd been a kid! His parents had invested a lot of his time into basketball, in fact it was his identity, his **life** through school, so it was a decision his parents had been very reluctant to let him go back on. When they finally relented, he'd considered studying music. Hit two jerks with one stone (because Tyler didn't want to be killing any birds, thank you very much), go to college just like his parents wanted him to and spend all his time on music just like he wanted to. 

But then he'd done a little research into the audition process one had to go through to be accepted into a music course. You were handed a sheet of music and asked to perform it on your chosen instrument. Tyler can't read music. His heart had fallen into his gut as he read on, torturing himself with details of what he could be learning if only he could make sense of the paper they'd hand him. He sat there, wishing he could make any sense of the written language of music, see it as anything more than the lines, dots and squiggles it looked like to him. He'd spent a week trying to find guidance online into making sense of it, had even gotten in touch with the university to see if there would be any way he could make it work, but as it turns out, the ability to read music is somewhat essential in order to earn a degree in it. 

So he's decided on English. He figures he can still use it to help him write songs, to improve his approach. When it comes to music, he learns by doing, teaching himself chords, melodies, making it up as he goes along. But there's no harm in seeking the teaching of others, gathering a little more knowledge to help him wield his lyrics like a sword. 

He realises he's briefly zoned out when a car horn honking draws him back to reality. Brendon's here. It's time. His mother pulls him in for another tight hug and he sees a tear roll down her cheek, bringing tears back to his own eyes that sting to escape. 

With the help of his mother, his father and his best friend, Brendon Urie, they get to work packing his things into the back of the already well stocked car. 

Thank God for Brendon. They've been friends since middle school, they shared an English class together and a teacher had paired them up for a project. It had been awful, Brendon had done absolutely no work whatsoever, he spent their work time chattering away about all sorts of frivolous things; boys he'd kissed and boys he wanted to kiss, girls that wore too much make up and made out with guys in the 4th floor bathrooms, teachers that _most definitely_ had a kinky fetish that nobody knew about. At first Tyler found him off putting, annoying, loud, obnoxious. In fact, he still does, but once you get to know Brendon you see that there's so much more behind his confident mask. 

After three days of English lessons spent listening to Brendon while he did all the work himself, Tyler noticed more and more the good about the annoying boy he'd been partnered with. He's loud, a gossip, rude, sure. But he's also incredibly kind, he cares a lot about the people close to him and would tear down anyone who crosses them with a ruthlessness even Tyler finds intimidating. He hopes never to be on the wrong side of the Urie fury. He is sweet and aggressively protective and he always has Tyler laughing. Tyler needs that, needs as many people in his life that bring him happiness as possible, because he so often loses the ability to make his own. 

As the last of Tyler's boxes get packed into the back of Brendon's car, he feels a wave of anxiety wash over him. Everything seems to have happened so quickly and now he won't see his family for over three months. His parents are only an hour and a half away from campus, but Tyler doesn't have a car and with three kids and a teaching job each, their schedules are about as busy as his is going to be. A part of him is looking forward to getting away from his parents for a while, but perhaps an even larger part is dreading leaving them behind. 

"Call me often!" his mom is calling out as he moves toward the car. 

"Okay, Often!" Tyler snickers, his father and Brendon seem to enjoy the terrible joke but his mother is less than amused.

"I'm serious, I want to hear from you and make sure you're okay! I'll be worried sick about you."

"Okay, mom, I promise. I love you, I'll see you soon. It's not like I'm far away, calm down!" he mutters, needing to hear the words himself. He squeezes her into a last, tight hug and uses his thumbs to wipe away the tears now rolling down her cheeks. "Stop it mom, or I'm gonna start too." 

She chuckles and unwraps her arms from his waist. "Goodbye, sweetheart. I hope you have a great time."

"I will mom. Thanks. I love you," he smiles at her, "love you too dad!" 

His father gives him a last hug, too, and then he's in the car.

Bandaid ripped off the wound and feeling better than he thought he would, a brief moment of euphoria washes over him. He feels giddy with excitement for what lies ahead. It's going to be one heck of an adventure. 

"Okay let's go!" He cries out to Brendon and with a whinny like a horse his friend is flooring the accelerator and speeding out of the Joseph's driveway in a manner his parents most certainly disapprove of. Tyler tries to look apologetic as he waves out the window at them and then he doesn't look back again for the rest of the journey.


	2. Arriving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * represents the passing of time  
> TRIGGER WARNING, Shrek is briefly mentioned in this chapter. I am so sorry.

Tyler knows that Brendon had offers from better colleges, that he'd chosen Ohio University for Tyler's sake more so than his own. It was never brought up, Tyler knows he would never admit to it, he knows that Brendon is aware of how pitied and uncomfortable it would make Tyler feel, so they never speak about it, but he knows. He hopes that Brendon knows how thankful he is for him, for everything he does to try and make sure Tyler is okay. He isn't really sure what he's done to deserve someone like this, someone who knows both how badly Tyler needs him but also how badly Tyler needs to feel like he doesn't. Brendon never brings up all the things he does for Tyler, never keeps a mental list of all the favours he deserves payback for. He's always there and he always cares and Tyler doesn't think he could ever find anyone else like him. 

He's smiling a little with glazed over eyes as Brendon snaps his fingers in front of his face. 

"Yo, space cadet! Earth to Tyler!"

"Sorry," Tyler mumbles, "I was just thinking. What's up?"

"I was just saying, I am absolutely, positively famished. This road trip is really taking it out of me, buddy. You up for a pitstop? My poor, weakened body needs sustenance."

"Brendon, we have literally been in the car for," Tyler checks the time on his phone, "seven minutes. The university is an hour and a half away."

"Do you want Taco Bell or not, bitch?" Brendon snaps, but there's no anger to his words. 

"Heck yes!" Tyler grins, watching as Brendon indicates to take the next exit. 

*****

They're sitting in a booth by the window, Brendon with a chalupa supreme, an XXL grilled stuft burrito and nachos with cheese in front of him, practically salivating onto the table. 

"How in the hell are you planning on fitting all of that," Tyler gestures to the feast on the table, "in there?" he points to Brendon's perfectly flat stomach. Brendon isn't a big guy. He's tall and skinny and gangly and Tyler really doesn't know where he puts it all. 

"Just you watch me," he grins, before grabbing his burrito, opening his mouth so wide he reminds Tyler of a snake and taking a bite so huge his lips can't properly close around it as he chews. 

"You are truly vile," Tyler grimaces at him, hearing him make a muffled moan of appreciation for his food through everything being chewed in his mouth. Tyler is pretty certain he's doing this on purpose. Brendon knows how much he hates hearing other people eat. He tries his best to ignore it as he takes a bite of his own black bean burrito, opting to both order and eat with a little more humility than Brendon does. 

A comfortable silence has fallen over them as Brendon continues to wolf down his food at a rate that makes Tyler a tad concerned he may choke. Tearing his eyes away from the Mexican food massacre taking place across the table, Tyler's mind wanders back to the subject of College. They're into the last few days of August, classes start next week, and they've decided to head over a few days early to unpack and get settled into their dorm. 

They've been incredibly lucky. Tyler isn't really sure how Brendon did it, when he asked he was provided with vague, mysterious answers that spoke of Brendon being God-like and Tyler being a poor, innocent, naïve little flower, so he'd dropped it, but Brendon had managed to get them a room together. One of the main causes for Tyler's college anxiety in the early days had been the idea of having to spend so much time with a stranger, living with someone he knew nothing about. That had been right at the tippy top of Tyler's 'college cons' list. The idea of rooming with his best friend has since been promoted to the head of the 'college pros' list, although he would never give Brendon the satisfaction of knowing it. 

Brendon seems to understand a lot of Tyler's fears without him even having to voice them. He'd offered to drive them over without being asked because he knew an hour and a half in the car with his parents lecturing him on the dangers of further education wouldn't have done Tyler any good. He suggested they head down a few days early, to miss the crowds and get to know the place a little before classes started. Both had been things Tyler let himself get stressed out over. He hadn't even mentioned either thought to Brendon, but Brendon always understands. 

Tyler watches as Brendon wipes his face on a napkin, missing a little avocado at the corner of his mouth, and moves onto his nachos, the last man standing from his meal. 

"Okay, colour me impressed," Tyler relents, still unable to quite understand how such a skinny guy can put away about 6lbs of food in less than ten minutes. 

Brendon looks up with a triumphant grin, avocado still on his lips and now joined by a little nacho cheese in the other corner. His face falls a little when he sees Tyler's food still in front of him, only about 3 bites taken. 

"Dude, you've hardly even touched your food!" the concern on his face makes Tyler's stomach twist a little with guilt. Brendon takes the role of a parent to him when they're together, making sure he eats, washes, takes his meds, gets a good night sleep. It's endearing, really. In an annoying way. 

"It's fine, I had breakfast before I left," Tyler lies. He feels a little guiltier with the words, but knows that Brendon would be practically force feeding him right now if he told the truth. He's too anxious to eat, he has been all day. "I'll save it for later!"

Brendon seems content with this and continues shovelling chips into his mouth, grabbing the last few as he's screwing up papers to throw in the trash. Tyler shimmies out of the booth and takes to his feet, burrito wrapped up in his hand as they head toward the door. Making sure Brendon isn't looking, he throws his leftovers away with the rest of the garbage. 

Tyler jogs a little to catch up with Brendon as they leave the restaurant, and hears him singing to himself, "On the road again, I can't wait to get on the road again."

"You know, dude," Tyler grins to him as he finally catches up, "I'm pretty sure you only know that song because of Shrek." Brendon raises an eyebrow and looks at him. 

"Tyler, you realise the only reason anyone in our generation knows that song is because of Shrek, right?"

"False! I grew up listening to Johnny Cash and Willie Nelson, my dad loves 'em! Just because you have no class doesn't mean-"

"GET OOT O' MA SWAMP!" Brendon cuts him off with a shout in his best Scottish accent and Tyler is laughing so hard tears are forming in his eyes.

The car doors open and they both slide back into their seats. Brendon makes a groan, rubbing his stomach and shifting in his seat. 

"I am so uncomfortable, dear God. I think I ate so much food that I ran out of space in my stomach and it started filling my kidneys. If I put on my seatbelt, I'm sure to explode." 

"I could drive, if you prefer?" Tyler tries to sound casual, but really he adores driving. He doesn't have a car of his own, yet. He needs a lot more money before he can achieve that dream, and so far all of his money is being pumped into college. "You'll still have to wear a seatbelt, but I can concentrate on the road and you can concentrate on the digestion in your kidneys, or whatever."

"Tyler Joseph, you truly are an everyday hero," he sighs with his hand over his heart, and Tyler barely has time to react before Brendon is launching himself over the centre console. He opens the door and jumps out seconds before Brendon would have landed on him, and makes his way around to the driver's side. 

"Buckle up!" Tyler insists in a singsong voice. The last thing he needs is to be pulled over driving a car he isn't _technically_ insured to drive. 

"This is my car, Joseph. You don't get to boss me around!" Brendon complains, but he clicks the seatbelt into place regardless. 

They're off, once more. Driving seems to calm Tyler down no matter what. He hasn't yet spent enough time behind the wheel that everything is an automatic action, so he still needs to think about everything he's doing and everything he needs to do next. Brendon drives a stick shift, so there's always something to occupy Tyler's attention as he drives this car. Gentle acceleration, listen to the engine, clutch and up a gear, check your speed, check your mirrors, acceleration again, up another gear, slow down for the lights, stick it in neutral and put the handbrake on, don't forget to put it in gear as you take off again. The operation relaxes him completely, attention taken up by something other than his thoughts. Tyler hopes that driving will always feel this way, that it will always be an escape. 

He's still talking himself thought every motion in his head when Brendon lets out a groan. 

"I'm booorred. Being a passenger is boring. Let's play a game!"

It was Tyler's turn to groan at that. He's spent enough time in the car with his best friend to know that car games didn't mean 'I spy' where Brendon was concerned. 

"C'mon, it'll be fun! Okay, so, I'll pick someone and you have to decide whether you'd fuck or kill them!"

Tyler lets out a sigh. "Sure, why not?"

With a devilish grin, Brendon scans the street for his first victim. "Okay, what about her?" he points to a little, old lady, hunched over a walker as she waits to cross the street, and Tyler slows to a stop, allowing her to pass. 

"Brendon, I'm not going to kill an old lady!"

"Oh my God, you'd fuck an old lady?! You're sick!"

Tyler lets out an exasperated laugh, and they continue their game for the next hour, Brendon going into sinful detail of what he'd do to a few of the guys Tyler points out. 

*****

His mother had warned him that college would be full of sin. Tyler had had to stifle a laugh at the sentence as his mom had spoken, concern etched on her face as she spoke with all the seriousness of a president declaring war. There was a lot about him his mom didn't know. As far as she was concerned, her son was still a God-fearing Christian who spent his days studying for school and thinking about girls. 

He'd thought to himself that college would be nothing but hippies and stoners, brightly dyed hair and facial piercings galore, everyone stinking of incense and pot. He was kind of looking forward to being in a sea of misfits for once, fitting in with people who stood out, rather than the all too common feeling of being the "weirdo" of any crowd. 

Honestly, he couldn't help but feel a little disappointed as he and Brendon made their way through the dorms building on their first day, not a bright green hairdo, studded face or puff of smoke to be seen. It seemed that the majority of his fellow classmates had the same idea about arriving early to 'beat the crowds', and so here the crowds were. Honestly, everyone seemed really, maddeningly _normal_ and Tyler started to feel familiar waves of nausea build in the pit of his stomach. Why on earth had he thought that anything would be any different here? No matter where he ended up, he'd always be the odd one out... It was idiotic to think anything else, even for a second. 

The whole way through elementary school he'd never had anyone call him their "best friend". He didn't have kids over to his house, he had basketball in the back yard until dinner and then homework. He didn't have relationships and cuddles and love in his teens, he had a couple of rushed kisses with boys whose names escaped him and lying to his parents about the girls he had crushes on. Tyler had never been the kind of kid who made friends easily, who participated and socialised and, well, whatever normal people get up to. 

Tyler was the kind of kid who asked his parents to get him a ukulele for Christmas and then taught himself to play over the space of a few months, holed up in his bedroom while his siblings played outside. Tyler was the kind of kid who watched documentaries about space and the sea while kids at school talked about Pokémon and The Simpsons. Tyler was the kind of kid who would climb into his second floor bedroom window from the backyard because it was more fun than using the doors. Tyler was a weirdo. Tyler was bizarre. Tyler didn't "play well with others", as his child therapist had put it. But that wasn't true, Tyler just never found anyone good to play with. Anyone besides Brendon. 

"C'mon, this is us," Brendon says from behind him. He turns around to see his friend turning the key he'd gotten from administration in the lock of door 305. Brendon throws the door open with his hip and marches in to dump the boxes he was holding onto the bed on the right side on the room, and Tyler moves to sit on the bed to the left. 

"It's so small," Tyler mutters, looking around the walls of the boxy room. It was smaller than his bedroom at home, and only half of it was his. 

"It's great!" Brendon shouts, a grin on his face as he makes to start unpacking his boxes. "It's ours, and that's all that matters. We'll get some posters up, I'll hang a few mirrors, it'll look way bigger by the time we finish. C'mon, let's go grab the rest of our stuff from the car." And with that, he's on his feet again, making his way back towards the door. 

Tyler shuffles out behind him, dragging his feet a little. He knows he should be looking at things with the same unfaltering optimism his friend is showing, but the prospect of spending three months cooped up in a tiny room is starting to make him feel like he's a prisoner. 

*****

After an entire afternoon of trudging in and out, five elevator trips both ways, and a few arguments over what should go where, the boys are finally finished. Every box is unpacked, the walls covered in posters and Brendon's mirror, as promised. He was right, it does look bigger. It has personality, it has colour, it's starting to look more like a place Tyler might want to spend his time. 

He's collapsed onto his freshly made bed and considering a nap when Brendon's voice tears him from his thoughts. 

"I was thinking of introducing myself to people as 'Don' while we're here." He smiles down at Tyler still lying on his back on the bed. "'New year, new me' and all that bullshit, y'know?"

Tyler gives Brendon an incredulous look, sits up and snorts. "' _Don_ '? I dunno, man. I don't think it suits you. 'Don' kind of sounds like an butthole. Then again..."

Brendon throws himself down on the bed beside him and shoves him playfully at the unspoken insult, although Tyler can see he's holding in a grin. 

"That's just it, though!" Brendon gestures wildly, "'Oh shit, here comes Don!' No one's gonna fuck with 'Don'!"

Tyler giggles. "No one's gonna _fuck_ 'Don'! He sounds way too intimidating. Like some sort of scary mobster. Although, when they saw you they'd probably just laugh."

Brendon lets out an indignant, "Hey!", followed by an incredulous, "Wait, you just cursed!" but Tyler just smiles, continuing. 

"We can think up an ultra-cool new nickname for you anyway, bud! Just one that's a little more fitting." He feigns deep thought for a moment, eyebrows furrowed as he scratches at his chin, then his eyes light up with a grin. "I've got it! 'Bendy Brendy'. It's perfect!"

Brendon's eyes narrow into a glare with no heat behind it as he takes in Tyler's suggestion. 

"I sincerely hope that's in reference to how incredibly flexible I am in the sack. Tyler Joseph, you better not have just gay-slurred me!"

"Of course, mi amigo! Of course that's what I meant," Tyler smirks as Brendon opens his mouth to retort, but before he can get out a word, his stomach beats him to the punch, letting out a long, loud gurgle. 

"Shit, dude. I'm starving. All this interior decorating is hungry work. Wanna go find somewhere to eat?"

Tyler considers it. It's not like he has anything else planned for the evening. They may as well familiarise themselves with their new surroundings. Besides, now that he thinks about it, he's pretty hungry too. All he's eaten today is a few bites of his burrito from their 'road trip'. 

"Sure, Brendy!" he laughs, Brendon ignores his use of the nickname. "What did you have in mind?"

"Something dirty," Brendon replies with a wicked smirk. "Fries, burgers, milkshakes, all that good shit."

Tyler moves to grab his jacket from the back of the chair, and his keys sitting on the desk at the end of his bed. "Fries sound perfect!"


	3. Wandering

The night is pleasant enough, if a little cool, so Tyler and Brendon decide to walk. They have no idea where they're going, really, just wandering. Tyler pulls his jacket tighter around him, cold nipping at any exposed skin it can reach. He can almost see his breath in front of him. Brendon notices him shiver a little and lets out a gentle 'tsk'. 

"You shoulda wrapped up warmer! We don't want you catching a cold before classes even start," Brendon chides.

"I'm fine thanks, _mom_ ," Tyler smiles to him. 

Honestly, Tyler doesn't mind the cold. Fall is one of his favourite times of year, the shorter days, the leaves crisping up and turning all the oranges and reds and browns of Autumn. It brings change more so than any other season, the rain and dead leaves bring up the most glorious, earthy smells. It always seems to bring him inspiration, to see the cycle of the trees. They have always seemed so big, strong, safe to him, these powerful beings that can withstand anything. Then the Fall comes and the once invincible giants seem to lose their life force, lie dormant for months, if you didn't know better you'd guess they're all already dead. But then Spring comes back around and they're suddenly full of life all over again. 

He sees himself in the trees. A constant cycle, losing his joie de vivre, feeling like a tree with no leaves, and then picking back up, finding his lust for life again, coming out in full bloom. The trees remind him of rebirth, of strength and perseverance, they remind him that no matter how bad it gets, his leaves will grow back again. It may seem stupid to some, drawing your inspiration from the trees, but Tyler is happy to take any inspiration that comes his way. 

"So, what are you thinking of doing with yourself tomorrow?" Brendon asks, drawing Tyler out of his thoughts. "There's this optional orientation thing tomorrow for the music students at 11am. 'Meet your fellow classmen, acquaint yourself with the instruments, antagonise your professors', all that good shit."

"Are you sure that last part was specified on the syllabus?" Tyler laughs, and Brendon nods. 

"Yup, pretty certain. I mean, what else would I be doing, learning?! Anyway, I guess it'll probably take a couple hours, so you'll be on your own for the early afternoon."

"I dunno. Nap, I guess," Tyler shrugs. 

"God, you're riveting. I'm so lucky to have such an exciting person as my best friend. A real party animal. Just promise me you won't go too wild," Brendon replies with a smug look. 

"I dunno, I might even eat some cheese before I sleep."

Brendon lets out a gasp, a hand over his heart. "Tyler, no, please! Think of your family!"

They laugh together as they walk, and then Brendon's ringing out a chorus of 'Hallelujah' as he points to a huge, bright yellow M glowing in the distance. 

"Dinner is served, my friend! I'll race ya," he giggles, and then he's off like a bullet, Tyler close on his heels. 

He doesn't manage to catch Brendon until they're both crashing into the glass doors of the fast food joint. Brendon chanting "I win! I win!" in a singsong voice. Tyler rolls his eyes and yanks open the doors, a little disappointed that he couldn't overtake his friend on the run. Tyler always used to be the fast one.

As they approach the counter, Brendon's counting all the change in his pocket and glancing up at the LCD screens around the counter, doing some quick menu math, so Tyler walks up to the server waiting to take their orders. 

"Hey, I just want some fries please," he mumbles to the girl behind the counter. She's got hair dyed a brighter hue of orange than a sunset, cut into a short bob. The kind of hair Tyler expected college to be full of. 

"Sure, hun. That'll be a dollar!" she chirps with a warm smile. Tyler wonders to himself how a person could possibly be so overly happy, working in McDonald's at 8pm. 

He smiles back at her as he hands her the single bill and immediately gets his food. With a thanks and a hope that his fries haven't been sitting out long enough to go cold, he turns to face Brendon who looks like he's finally ready to order. 

"I'll just go get us seats," he offers, and Brendon nods as he approaches the counter. 

He can hear the smarmy charm in Brendon's voice as he walks away, finding a booth by the window to sit down. The poor counter girl. When asked about his sexuality, Brendon always comes off with the same rehearsed spiel, about how he doesn't have 'a type', that he isn't straight and he isn't gay, that he just "doesn't discriminate against hot people". This should be taken very literally. If Brendon sees what he classifies as a hot person, he'll turn on his oily allure on the off chance that they might want to sleep with him. Tyler figures that the fact that they've been friends since they were twelve is the reason Brendon's never tried anything with him and tries not to take offence. It's not that he _wants_ to be anything but friends with Brendon, but if he doesn't discriminate against hot people, then by definition that would mean Tyler isn't a hot person. 

His thoughts are interrupted by Brendon slamming his tray down on the table, laden with two double cheeseburgers, some mozzarella sticks, fries, and a large strawberry milkshake that falls off his tray as he throws it down, too thick to spill. 

"Jesus, Brendon. Seriously, where do you put it all? How can you eat that much fast food in one day?" Tyler demands, an expression of disbelief on his face. 

"Whatever, man. I just got shot down, lemme comfort eat." Brendon picks up one of his burgers and unwraps it, taking a huge bite and chewing with his mouth open. 

Tyler cringes, trying to ignore his friend's terrible table manners. "Aw, dude. What happened?"

"Chick's got a boyfriend," he mumbles through his mouthful of burger, a little fleck of bun flying out of his mouth and landing a couple of inches away from Tyler's arm. He squirms and shuffles over in his seat. Brendon is so gross sometimes. 

"That's too bad, man. But hey, college hasn't even officially started yet! There'll be plenty of opportunities with plenty of hot people," he encourages, and Brendon's face lifts a little from the disappointed look he was wearing. 

"You're God damn right, Tyler! You're God damn right."

He can feel Brendon watching him and looks down at his tray of untouched food. If his fries weren't cold when he ordered them, they sure are now. He eats a few, wincing a little at the tepid temperature, but he knows he won't hear the end of it if he doesn't eat something, so he forces them down. 

It takes Brendon exactly nine minutes and twelve seconds to eat two double cheeseburgers, four mozzarella sticks and a medium serving of fries. He can't possibly enjoy eating, the way does it. He always reminds Tyler of a snake, unhinging his jaw and swallowing his food whole. If he weren't so jittery and fidgety, Tyler supposes he might weigh 300lbs by this point. He watches as, for the second time that day, Brendon screws up the papers from his fast food feast and moves to throw them in the trash, bringing his milkshake along with him. Tyler follows, throwing the last few fries he had in the garbage, and heads out the door after him. 

"You ready to go home, man?" Brendon questions, taking a long draw on the straw of his milkshake. 

"Heck yes!" Tyler immediately assures him. "I feel like this has been one of the longest days of my life. I am so ready for bed. At 9pm. I am the poster boy for college," he chuckles at himself. 

"That's the crazy roommate I know!" Brendon sasses, linking his arm around Tyler's as they make their way back to campus. 

On the fifteen minute walk back, they pass a little music store, the windows filled with records and CDs on one side, and various musical instruments on the other. Tyler gazes in and sees a plethora of guitars, a few sets of drums, string and brass instruments lining the walls and a thrill runs through him. He has a feeling this is going to be one of his favourite stores near campus, and makes a mental note to return when Brendon's in his music class orientation tomorrow. He'll have a time to kill on his own and he left the majority of his record collection home.

As they finally reach the university grounds again, Tyler spots a small forest on the outskirts and the smell fills him with a sense of adventure and excitement. He can't wait to have a day off, maybe with Brendon, to go explore it in the sunlight. Forests are some of Tyler's favourite places. Tranquil, quiet, calm. He could spend all day in the woods. 

He stifles a yawn but Brendon catches it out of the corner of his eye. "Poor, tired baby," he teases and Tyler sticks his tongue out at him. "It's okay, we're nearly there. Bed is nigh!" They reach the door to their dorm building and Brendon holds the door open for him to enter. 

A short elevator ride, a key turning in the lock and Tyler's finally ready to call it a day. He flops his entire body down onto is bed, kicking off his shoes but not even bothering to undress as he wriggles under his sheets. 

"G'night, Brendy. And thanks for, y'know... Just thanks." He does this a lot, thanking Brendon without specifying exactly why, but his friend always seems to get it. 

"Ninight, Tyler. Don't mention it. But you're not calling me Brendy. I'll slap you, I swear."

With a chuckle, Tyler curls up into himself, arms wrapping around his chest. His thoughts move to the day ahead of him, having to acclimatise to his new surroundings without Brendon by his side is making him a little anxious. Both dorms either side of theirs are empty and he wonders what his new neighbours will be like, what their level of distaste for Tyler might be, wonders how he'll get on with his professors, about how different English classes will be now he's in university and about what his parents might be doing right now, when he'll get to see them next.

Worries swirling around his mind, he drifts off into a light sleep. The kind with a lot of waking up, tossing, turning and, eventually, troubling dreams.


	4. Meeting

Tyler wakes up to Brendon's blaring alarm, groaning and rubbing his eyes. It's 10am, meaning he slept for around twelve hours, but he's still tired. 

"Sorry," Brendon calls out from the bathroom in a singsong voice. "I didn't mean to wake you, sleeping beauty." He pads in from the other room in nothing but boxers to turn off the screaming phone, and as silence returns Tyler throws his head back down into the pillow. 

But he's awake now. Silently cursing Brendon, he throws his legs over the side of the bed and forces himself to stand. He remembers that he fell asleep in jeans and a t-shirt as he stretches, legs feeling achey from being trapped in stiff, restrictive fabric all night, and he silently curses his past self too, for good measure. Peeling off the skinnies, he rummages through his drawers until he pulls out a pair of black leggings. They're usually a strictly-worn-in-the-house-only article of clothing, but screw what anyone else thinks. They're really frickin' comfy. Girls get the best clothes. 

He grabs a pair of boxers and a clean t-shirt, then forces Brendon out of the bathroom so he can take a shower. 

"Excuse me, I'm getting ready for class! My bathroom time is much more important," Brendon argues, but Tyler interjects. 

"Brendon, I have watched you twiddle the same strand of hair around in your fingers for a minute straight, now. There's a mirror in the other room. Get right out." He points to the door with a grumpy look. Tyler isn't a morning person. 

"Okay, okay! Jeez, you're a real ray of sunshine, aren'cha?" he retorts, making his way out. 

The shower cubicle is tiny and cramped. Tyler can't even stretch his elbows out inside when the door is closed, but it's warm and surprisingly powerful, and that's all that matters, really. 

After about fifteen minutes, feeling clean and refreshed, Tyler steps out into the cold air of the bathroom, drying himself thoroughly and pulling on his clothes. As he renters the room, Brendon, now fully dressed, wolf-whistles at him. 

"I'm digging the leggings-as-pants look, dude!" Tyler glares at him, but he continues, "No really, I mean it! I mean, sure, it kind of looks like you went shopping for skinnies in the 11 year old girl's section, but it works! Really accentuates your ass, if that's what you were going for."

A blush creeps onto Tyler's face at that, coupled with an embarrassed smile, and Brendon looks satisfied. 

"Okay, I've got about 30 minutes before I've gotta be in the music department, so I'm gonna go grab some brunch in the campus café, care to join me?" he inquires. Tyler thinks about it for a second, before realising Brendon is going to force him to come anyway, to make sure he's eating. 

"Oh my, brunch? How fancy! Sounds positively delightful!" he giggles, moving to his chest of drawers to dig out a jacket and shoving his feet into the discarded, floral Vans at the end of his bed. 

"Yeah, when I say brunch, this is the free food college provides students with, we're probably talking cold toast with some jam. Don't be expecting a five star buffet," Brendon warns him, grabbing his own jacket from the head of his bed. 

"Dude, you know me. Blandtown is my tastebuds' home. I'm all about the boring food. Cold toast and jam is my jam!" he assures his friend, both of them moving towards the door. 

"You're such a dork," Brendon cackles. "You got your keys on you? I won't be heading back with you."

Tyler pats himself down before remembering the drawback of wearing clothes marketed to women. No pockets. For some reason, clothing companies seem to assume women don't have things to carry. 

"Nope!" he laughs at himself, heading back into the room to grab the keys from his desk.

*****

Breakfast wasn't that bad, really. They even had cereal, so Tyler had managed to eat a bowl of Cap'n Crunch as well as cold toast and jam. It was more than he'd expected, and Brendon had just seemed glad to see him eating anything at all. 

They'd said their goodbyes, Brendon had made his way to the music building, Tyler not mentioning the twinge of jealousy he'd felt at watching him go rather than accompanying him, and now he's on his way back to the room. He has a rough plan of what he wants to do, he's heading back to his room to grab his wallet, then it's off to the music store they passed by last night. After a look around and maybe a few impulse buys, he might have time to investigate the forest on the edge of campus, and then he's told Brendon he'll meet with him to find somewhere new for lunch. 

He takes the stairs up to his room this time, because it's just one of those take-the-stairs kind of days, quickly ducks into his room, grabs his wallet, and he's back out again. He locks the door and takes a few steps before he sees a maddeningly familiar head of bright orange hair cut into a bob in front of him. He can't for the life of him place her, and then suddenly it hits him. 

"Hey! You're the McDonalds girl!" Tyler cringes as soon as he says the words, but as she turns around to see him she grins anyway. 

"And you're the fries boy!" He's a little shocked that she remembers him, but he nods and smiles back at her. He doesn't remember her being this tiny. He guesses having a counter between them added a few inches. 

"That your room?" she asks, gesturing towards the door of 305 with a raised eyebrow. Tyler nods again and her smile grows a little. 

"Well, I guess I'm your new neighbour, then! I'm Hayley, by the way," she extends her hand towards Tyler and he gives it a loose shake. 

"Tyler," he adds as an afterthought. He isn't brilliant at small talk with strangers. 

"I'll see if I can hook you up with a free cola or something, some time," she lets out a quiet giggle and opens her door. "See ya, Tyler!" she smirks over her shoulder at him as she walks into her dorm room and he manages a small wave before her door shuts behind her. 

Tyler likes her already, and that's saying something. He doesn't really tend to take to people this quickly, but it looks as though he's made a new friend before the semester has officially begun! And a pretty girl at that, his mother will be thrilled. As far as college dorm neighbours go, he figures he's done pretty well. He's not sure Brendon will agree, given the events that unfolded last night, but hey, that's not his problem!

With a hint of a smile playing on his lips, he decides to take the stairs back down and he's on his way to the music store. 

His feet retrace their steps from last night without him having to put much thought into it, they pretty much just walked in a straight line, and he's outside the music store in a few minutes. He opens the door and the smell of the store washes over him with a wave of nostalgia, a Proustian Rush that evokes memories of marvelling at musical instruments as a kid, begging his parents to buy him a ukulele. He can't help the ear to ear smile that splits his face as he steps in, closes the door and looks around the shop. 

As he surveys the shelves and walls of the place, his eyes fall onto an utterly gorgeous guy with stretched ears at the back of the shop. Someone shouts, "Josh!" from the other side of the store and the guy, Josh apparently, turns around. A flash of silver catches the light, a nose ring, as he smiles to whoever has just called his name. Tyler doesn't even bother to look for the source of the voice, because that smile... He grins big, showing off perfectly white teeth, and his warm eyes crease at the edges. He's utterly gorgeous. Brendon definitely wouldn't discriminate.

Tyler watches as Josh walks towards the person calling his name (a middle aged man he assumes is the store manager), running his fingers through his brown hair. It's shaved short at the sides, but left wild and curly on top. Tyler's eyes roam the rest of Josh's body, strong arms that bulge at the bicep, one covered in a colourful sleeve that puts Tyler's plain black tattoos to shame, his black t-shirt stretched taut over a muscular chest, broad shouldered and long legged in black skinny jeans despite his short stature, ending in a pair of matte black Dr Martens that add an air of punk rock to his otherwise uneventful uniform. How can someone manage to give such a muted outfit so much personality, manage to make a black tee and jeans look so damn _good_?

The manager must have said something funny, because Josh is laughing, a wheezy giggle that makes his eyes crinkle at the corners and his nose scrunch. Somehow managing to be both high and low in pitch, it reminds Tyler of trees. The sound is tall and warm, filling the store with the music of amusement. For some reason, it makes Tyler feel safe. A place he's never been before, without Brendon beside him, staring at a stranger is the last place Tyler would describe as secure, and yet...

Josh glances over at him, and Tyler realises he's been standing in the same spot for over a minute now, staring unashamedly at the guy. Apparently, he must have looked like a customer in need, because Josh is approaching him now. For a moment, Tyler has the clarity to regret wearing leggings today before Josh is in front of him. 

"Hey! You look a little lost. Is there anything I can give you a hand with?"

Oh, there's plenty, Tyler thinks to himself, but he clears his throat and blurts out the first thing he can think of, "Oh, uh, I just started college down the road. I, uh, I brought my record player with me but left most of my records at home. I guess I'm looking for some new music to listen to?" He's not sure why it's a question, but Josh seems unfazed. 

"Oh, cool! We can definitely hook you up. Is there anything in particular you had in mind?" 

The hooking up comment sets Tyler's mind reeling, but he fights through thoughts of getting this stranger in the sack and stammers out, "Oh, umm, I dunno. You got any recommendations?"

Josh chuckles at this, and Tyler finds that it's quickly becoming one of his favourite sounds. "You know, it's funny," Josh muses, "when I was a teenager I used to save up all my allowance and skate down to the local music shop on the weekends. I'd go up to whatever guy in there had the most tattoos and ask him to recommend an album for me."

Tyler smirks at this, "You got me! It was the sleeve that did it." Josh looks pleased with the comment and gets to work rifling through records. 

"So what kind of stuff do you like to listen to?" Josh asks, and they get into a conversation of music tastes. It turns out their listening habits overlap quite a bit, and Josh is slowly building up a stack of albums he thinks the other will enjoy. 

"You're going to have me bankrupt!" Tyler interrupts with a snort of laughter as Josh gushes about a band called Vampire Weekend that he insists Tyler will adore. "You've gotta remember I'm a college kid. I can barely afford to feed myself!"

Josh sticks his tongue between his teeth and grins at the comment, and Tyler, honest to God, feels his knees go weak. It should be illegal for anybody to be this ridiculously attractive, and his personality just makes it worse. 

"Sorry," Josh chortles with an apologetic look, "just, we don't tend to get a lot of people coming in here with an open mind. It's usually quiet browsing or a search for a particular record. Believe it or not, there aren't really that many opportunities to get excited about music with people when you work in a music store."

"No, no, I appreciate the enthusiasm! Really. I just feel bad that you're gonna have to spend your time putting most of these back in their places," Tyler smirks. 

Josh leans into his ear to mutter something with a quiet voice and Tyler can feel his own heartbeat in every inch of his body as he gets closer, blood coursing through his veins thumping in his head so loud it almost drowns out the noise of Josh's voice, "Honestly, I'm also kind of killing as much time as possible here, so that when we get done I get sent on my lunch break and the boss has to put them all away again." He pulls away from Tyler's ear, not noticing the shade of beet red Tyler is certain he's turning from feeling Josh's breath ghosting down his neck. He takes a deep breath to collect himself before replying. 

"And here I was, thinking you were just being sweet," he pouts, holding the countenance for a beat before cracking a smile. 

"It's, like, 82% me being totally sweet, and like 17% me wanting to bunk off work," Josh admits. 

"And 1%?" Tyler urges him to continue. 

"Oh, 1% me being bad at math." Tyler bursts out laughing at this, and Josh joins in. "I guess I should stop holding you up, you came in for a couple of records. Not the discography of seventeen different bands. Any of them you think you'll take?"

As much as Tyler wants to tell him that he isn't being held up whatsoever, wants to spend the rest of his afternoon doing everything he can to make Josh laugh again, he realises with a glance at a clock on the wall that he's been in here for over an hour now. In reality, he's probably holding Josh back from his lunch break and Brendon will be looking for him soon. 

"I think I'll go with Vampire Weekend today. You have me sold. Although, if they're crap, I'm coming for you," he adds with a chuckle, before thinking over his words and blushing what he assumes is a deep puce colour at the double meaning. Thankfully, Josh doesn't seem to have noticed. 

"They're amazing, I promise," he guarantees with a smile, shuffling through the records to find the right one. He takes out the sleeve featuring a vintage looking Polaroid of a blonde girl in a yellow polo shirt from the pile, leaving the rest there, then spreading them out to make a mess he won't have to tidy himself, wiggling his eyebrows and biting his tongue at Tyler, who lets out an embarrassingly high pitched giggle at the action. 

Tyler follows him over to the counter to have his purchase rung up, making sure to get a good stare at his ass while he's pretty sure no one is looking. He lets out a quiet, "Damn!" under his breath before he can stop himself, and feels his face heat up with a blush, hoping no one heard. 

They reach the counter and Josh is typing his store login into the till, smile still playing on his lips. "Don't think this means you're off the hook," he jokes, looking back to Tyler as he holds up the record to scan it. "This is a great album, but you have loads more allowance to save up. There's plenty more where that came from," he promises, typing something else into the till.

Tyler's heart flutters a little at the thought of Josh wanting to see him again, but then he reminds himself that he's a salesperson, he probably has quotas to meet, probably sees Tyler as a potential gold mine, and he forces the feeling down. 

Their attention turns to Josh's manager as he approaches to tell Josh to head off on lunch after the sale, and he nods, turning his gaze back on Tyler, the smirk returning to his face. "That'll be fifteen bucks then, please."

Tyler gives him a puzzled look, "But the sticker on the sleeve says it's twenty-"

Josh shushes him quickly. "Staff discount," he mutters with a wink, and suddenly Tyler's heart is fluttering again. 

He hands over the bills, confidence returning as he tries his best to sound casual, "Hey, I didn't really have anything planned and I'm kind of hungry, if you wanna go get lunch somewhere? I mean, you don't have to or anything, I just thought-"

"I'd love to." Josh is grinning once more, eyes crinkling and everything, and Tyler's knees go weak again. "Just gimme a second to grab my jacket." He rips off the receipt, hands it to Tyler along with his record in a plastic bag, and heads out back to collect his belongings. 

Tyler momentarily feels a little bad for blowing Brendon off, but he's pretty sure his friend would completely understand if he could see Josh for himself. In fact, he'd probably be doing exactly what Tyler's doing too, if their roles were reversed. He finds himself thanking any and every God out there that he got to be the one who met Josh first. Perhaps a silver lining to the cloud of not being able to study music. 

He pulls his phone out to send Brendon a quick text while he waits for Josh to reappear. 

Tyler: **Hey B. I'm really sorry, something came up. I need a rain check on lunch.**

Brendon's reply is almost immediate.

Brendon: **OMG IS HE HOT I NEED DEETS**

Tyler can't stifle the giggle that escapes him at his friend's reply. This is what Tyler means when he says his best friend seems to understand him no matter what. Brendon always knows. He sees Josh emerging from the back, a black, leather jacket added to the all-black-everything ensemble. If possible, he looks even better. He types out a quick reply as Josh approaches again.

Tyler: **VERY. I'll tell you everything later.**

"You ready?" Josh's voice from right beside him makes Tyler jump a little, the close proximity unexpected. 

"For sure! Let's go," he smiles, looking up from his phone to meet the brown eyes of the stunning creature in front of him. Josh's gaze feels like an X-Ray, as though he can see Tyler's very soul. A ping from his phone tears his gaze away from Josh's eyes to read his latest text message. 

Brendon: **OMFG GET SOME FUCKING RAUNCH DRESSING WITH THAT SALAD YOU DOG**

He manages to bite back a laugh and looks back up to see Josh holding the door open for him. With a quiet, "Thanks" and a shy smile, he shoves his phone back in his jacket pocket and makes his way out onto the street, ignoring the ping of a new message a few seconds later.


	5. Eating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who's read, commented and given kudos so far. It means the world to me <3 please don't expect 5+ chapters a day to be the norm, but I may as well bleed my creativity and inspiration dry while it's there.

"So, any idea where you wanna go?" Josh asks, taking a few steps from the front door of the music store and producing a box of Marlboro reds from his pocket, setting one between his lips and lighting it. 

Tyler watches him take a long, slow drag and exhale a cloud of smoke. It's a habit he has always found pretty repugnant, but Josh manages to make it look effortlessly cool. 

"None whatsoever," he responds. "I've been to exactly two locations off campus, one we just left and the other is McDonalds." 

"Pizza?" Josh quizzes, taking another draw on his cigarette. "I know this great place about two blocks away. Hands down, dopest pizza you'll ever eat."

"Oh my God, pizza." Tyler practically salivates at the word alone. Pizza is the one food he could spend all day eating and never get tired of. "Yes. Pizza. Now!"

Josh grins, "Great! This way," he turns and begins making his way down the street, Tyler following.

They make non-committal, small talk about the weather as they walk. Every now and then, Tyler catches a whiff of the smoke from Josh's cigarette as he exhales. A smell that has always disgusted him in the past. He used to be the kind of person who would purposefully cough as he walked by anyone with a lit cigarette, who would silently judge as he passed, but now that the clouds are coming from Josh he can't seem to find it in himself to mind. 

"Voilà!" Josh cries out with a flourish after a few more minutes of walking, flicking his cigarette butt in the general direction of a trash can and gesticulating to the doors of a modest looking, bright red Italian restaurant with a blue sign above the doors that reads 'Avalanche Pizza'. "After you," Josh smiles, holding the door open. 

Inside, the smell is incredible, and Tyler realises just how hungry he is. He gazes up at the menu, a little overwhelmed by the selection and bizarre names jumping out at him. Josh laughs a little at the dazed expression he wears. 

"Trust me, this pizza is gonna be so bomb. What do you like?"

Tyler pauses for a moment, before exclaiming, "Everything! Just, no meat for me." He looks down at his feet with a shy smile, awaiting the usual abuse that comes with telling people he's a vegetarian. "Pussy," "wimp," and "protein deficiency" are the standard remarks, but after a few seconds of silence he looks back up to see Josh still reading the menu, nonplussed by Tyler's admission. 

"Okay, sick. Go grab a seat, I'll order and then be right over."

With a genuine smile, Tyler turns to scan the seating options and takes an available table by the window. He likes to be able to look outside where possible. People watching has always been fascinating to him. He likes to imagine lives for the people he sees walk by, creating fictional worries and struggles, picturing their lives as complex and difficult. Everybody's got a story and no two people share the same one. Giving other people tragic backstories tends to make him feel a little better about his own situation. 

Tyler looks up at the sound of a chair being dragged out across from him and Josh sits down with a smile. 

"I am so stoked for this pizza, dude," Tyler declares, earning him a beaming grin from Josh. "You know, you're good at making sales, but that's two things you've gotta make good on. This pizza better be bomb and this album better be amazing."

"I swear to God! Just wait," Josh insists. "I'd eat here every damn day if it wouldn't make me fat. You'll be a convert in no time. Trust me," he stresses. And Tyler does. 

They only have to wait about ten minutes for their food to arrive, discussing the album Tyler bought in the interim, Josh telling him that "'Horchata' is a really good song, and so is 'Diplomat's Son', and 'White Sky', and, just, all of it. All of it is great!" and Tyler finds himself getting impatient to hear it. He wants to hear what Josh thinks is great music, what Josh thinks _Tyler_ will think is great music. 

They're interrupted by their server, who asks, "Southeast Engine Delight?" and Josh nods, taking his arms off the table so she can set down their pizza. 

The aroma is tantalising and Tyler is about to pick up one of the massive slices when he realises something. "Josh?"

"Hmm?" is the reply, as Josh has already taken a bite. 

"There are potatoes on this pizza."

Josh swallows and smiles, "There are. Those observational skills are pretty impressive!" he quips sarcastically. 

"Potatoes. On a pizza. _Potatoes_ , Josh," Tyler wines, making a face. 

"Just eat it! At least try it before you decide its gross," he counters, taking another bite. 

Tyler picks up a slice, inspecting it. It's heavily laden with cheese, tomatoes, spinach and... potatoes. He takes a gulp and then a bite, chewing hesitantly, then letting out a decadent moan. 

"This pizza is frigging delicious, I am so sorry I doubted you," he apologises, taking another bite. It really is. 

Josh gives him a satisfied smirk, murmuring, "I told ya so!" before picking up another slice. 

Tyler hears another ping from his phone and sighs, apologising to Josh as he takes his phone from his pocket, seeing that he has two texts from Brendon. 

Brendon: **DON'T FORGET TO USE PROTECTION I'M NOT READY FOR GRANDKIDS**

Brendon: **TYLER ARE YOU BONING RIGHT NOW DO WE NEED TO HAVE THE TALK**

Tyler can't help the giggles that leave him, and Josh is giving him a puzzled look. 

"Girlfriend?" he challenges, with a cocked eyebrow. 

"Oh God, no!" Tyler blurts out a little too forcefully, grabbing another slice of pizza. "My roommate. We've been best friends for years. I'd call him an ass, but he lacks both the depth and the warmth. He _is_ full of crap, though."

Josh laughs so hard he chokes on his pizza and ends up in a coughing fit, and Tyler quickly leans across the table to pat him on the back with an apologetic smirk. 

"So what about you?" Tyler poses, trying to keep the question sounding offhand and focusing on the half eaten slice in his hand. "You got a girlfriend at home?"

"Nah, I'm in a committed relationship with my drums," Josh bites his tongue between his teeth and smiles again, the expression making Tyler's stomach do somersaults. "I have two children, though." His smile gets wider as he says it, and Tyler panics a little. Children? He has children?

Josh is holding out his phone for Tyler to take a look, and as he peers over, heart racing, he sees a picture of two kittens, a patchy tabby with a white chest curled up with a pure white kitten cuddled in next to it. His cheeks hurt from smiling so big, and as he looks back to Josh, the proud expression he wears melts Tyler's heart. 

"Cute kids!" Tyler snickers, leaving out the "cuter dad," he wants to add on the end, and Josh beams at him. 

"Thanks. Yeah, same kind of deal as your roommate. They're fluffy little assholes, but I love them."

Tyler could burst. How a person manages to be so simultaneously sweet and adorable but cool and intimidating but friendly and approachable all at once is beyond him. 

"I didn't realise you played drums, though!" Tyler notes, shocked that the topic hadn't come up yet. He longs to see him play, already imagining what he might look like, sound like, as he performs. 

"Yeah, I mean, not professionally or anything. I had a lot of anger when I was a teenager, I guess. It was a really good way of expressing that at the time, without, y'know, punching holes in walls or anything. And now here I am, in my twenties, a lot less angry, still playing drums. What about you, you play anything?" he looks over to Tyler. 

"I dabble in piano and ukulele. Nowhere near professionally. I wanted to study music in school, but I can't read music," he mumbles towards the end of his sentence. "You kinda need that to study it."

"Bullshit!" Josh pipes up suddenly, taking Tyler by surprise. "Sorry, but trying to say you need to be able to read a bunch of dots and lines to play music? That's total BS."

"Right?! That's what I thought. Unfortunately, university doesn't share our sentiments, so I'm studying English instead. I'll get help for the words instead of the music to go with them."

"That's cool too," Josh offers with a smile. "So you write songs, huh?" The mischievous look in Josh's eyes make him regret the sentence, knowing he wants to hear something Tyler has written, but just then Josh glances down at the screen of his phone and swears

"Shit, my lunch hour is almost over, I should get back to Haffa's," he sighs. 

Tyler realises that up to this point he didn't even know the name of the record store he'd spent an hour of his time in earlier, but he nods. They actually managed to make their way through the entire pizza, Tyler eating almost half of it, and he makes a mental note to tell Brendon later. Brendon always worries that he doesn't eat enough. 

He goes to make his way towards the counter, getting his wallet from his jacket pocket, when Josh grabs his arm. 

"No need!" he smiles.

"No, no, it's fine, we can split it!" Tyler insists, taking another step but Josh's hold on his arm tightens. 

"Nah, I figured you'd be like this, so I already paid when I was up there," his smile widens as he walks to the door, holding it for Tyler, who makes his way out onto the street with a slight blush. 

He feels a little uncomfortable at the idea of Josh paying for his meal, but at the same time it makes everything feel a little more like a date and that thought sets his heart aflutter. 

"Thanks for lunch," Tyler says timidly, as they walk back towards the music store. "Sorry I made such a big deal over potato on pizza. It was totally bomb."

"Don't mention it!" Josh is smiling at him. Josh hasn't really stopped smiling at him since they left the store, and it's making Tyler a little worried for the health of his heart, given that it's been working so hard for the past few hours, going from a racing flutter to a pounding throb, like a kick drum in his chest, and back again. 

"I'm totally paying you back some time," Tyler asserts. "Next time's on me."

"I am totally okay with that," Josh agrees, and Tyler's heart is picking up the pace again at the mere thought of there being a 'next time'. All too soon, they're back at Haffa's Records and Josh is pausing outside the door. 

"It was awesome to meet you, Tyler," Josh says, his cheeks growing a little pink, fingers scratching the hair at the back of his head as though he feels awkward about something. After a beat, he spills. "Do you wanna take my number?" although it comes out as though it's one long word. 

Tyler feels the huge grin split his face as he gives an enthusiastic, "Yeah!" handing over his phone for Josh to add his digits. A few seconds later, he's being handed his phone again and Josh looks in two minds about something. 

His eyes linger on Tyler's for a few seconds longer, but then he utters, "I really, really need to go," with a disappointed look. He's still not moving. 

"So go!" Tyler laughs at him. "I'll talk to you soon, yeah?"

"Yeah," he grins again and Tyler gets a little annoyed with his heart for racing once more at the sight. "See ya later," he nods, and with a little wave he walks back into the store. 

*****

Tyler practically skips with joy on the journey home, feeling close to what he imagines being high must feel like. The picture of Josh's huge grin a constant in his mind as he makes his way back up the dorm, going over the day's events in his head to reiterate to Brendon when he gets in. 

To his surprise, Brendon isn't in the dorm when he arrives back, so he decides to stick his record on instead, giving himself something to do while he waits. He digs his record player out from under his bed and sets it up, more excited than he'd like to admit at the prospect of listening to it. It's as though the album is a little piece of Josh he got to take home with him, more of him to discover as he sits in his room by himself. 

From the first few bars of the first track, he already knows he's going to love this band. The opening song starts with a jaunty rhythm on a marimba, being joined by an upbeat drum track and catchy lyrics. He pays attention to everything the lead singer says, lyrics being one of the aspects of song writing he struggles with the most, and finds little pieces of himself, and of Josh, in the words. 

_Here comes the feeling you thought you'd forgotten..._

_You waited since lunch, it all comes at once..._

Just listening to the music, he felt as though Josh really knew him already, what with how much he already adored the record, and he was only half way through. He was amazed by how Josh had been so adamant that he knew Tyler would love the music, by how right he'd been. A part of him was a little disappointed that he hadn't found the band sooner, but a bigger part was delighted that it has been Josh who introduced him to them. 

*****

He plays the record in its entirety twice before he finally decides he needs to move. He's been lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling and taking in every element of the music for almost an hour and a half now, completely lost in it. Brendon still isn't home, and Tyler has absolutely no clue where he is. He decides to send him a quick text. 

Tyler: **Did you die of shock because I was out with a boy?**

As usual, Brendon's reply is almost immediate. 

Brendon: **YOU WISH YOU WERE GETTING OFF THAT EASY im out with other music students bonding and shit but ill be back soon AND I AM HEARING EVERY SORDID DETAIL**

He chuckles and throws his phone to the side, before realising he hasn't so much as sent his mother a text since he left. With a pang of guilt, he decides to give her a call. She picks up on the second ring. 

"Tyler! Thank heavens, are you okay?!" comes her frantic voice from the other end of the line. Typical. It hasn't even been 48 hours, you'd think he hadn't talked to her in weeks. 

"Hey, mom. Sorry, I'm fine, I was just busy with unpacking and getting to know the area. How are you? How is everybody?"

"Oh, we're all fine, never mind that! How are you getting on? How's your room? How's Brendon?" she talks a mile a minute and it makes Tyler smile. He didn't realise he was missing her already until he heard her voice. 

"It's not so bad. The room is pretty tiny, but I mean, we weren't expecting a palace, y'know? Brendon's good. He's out making friends with his class mates, so I'm getting a little peace and quiet right now." He chuckles but his mother isn't laughing with him.

"Oh, Tyler. I do wish you'd get out there and make some friends too. It'd do you the world of good to get out of your bedroom sometimes."

He's almost offended. Almost. The woman has a point, he does spend a disproportionate amount of his time in his bedroom. "Mom, the semester hasn't even started yet! There'll be plenty of time for meeting new people. Besides, I've made a couple of friends already."

She gasps at this. "What?! Seriously?" her incredulous voice is enough to make him laugh again. She sounds as though she's just found out he's gay. 

"Yeah, there's this really nice girl in the dorm next to ours, and I met this guy at the record store," he can feel his cheeks flush as he mentions Josh and buries his head in embarrassment, even though no one can see him. 

"Oh Tyler that's _wonderful_! What's she like?" she gushes, ignoring the second half of his statement. 

He sighs a little, and gives her what she wants. "She's great! Her name's Hayley, she works in McDonald's. She even said she'd give me free cola."

He knows it sounds like more than what it is, but he also knows it's exactly what his mom wants to hear. She doesn't want to listen to Tyler enthuse about Josh, she wants to hear about pretty girls and studying hard. But that's okay, he's got Brendon for the former. He decides to leave out the fact that Hayley has a head of bright orange hair, figuring that might dampen his mother's excitement just a little. He lets his mom have her fantasy of her son with a nice, normal girl living a nice, normal life, listening to her advice on 'how not to come on too strong' and throwing in the occasional, "Mhm," or, "Yeah."

He hears a key slide into the lock and interrupts his mother as she goes on about how important it is to "let her come to you".

"I gotta go, mom. Brendon's home. Love you loads, tell everyone I said hi," and then he's hanging up and throwing his phone on the bed as Brendon storms across the room. 

"TELL. ME. **EVERYTHING**."


	6. Crashing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for my overuse of commas and italics. Just go with it.

Tyler spends a full 15 minutes straight telling Brendon about Josh. He goes over every single detail, as much for his own sake as for Brendon's, from the record store to the restaurant and back again. Brendon doesn't interrupt once, listening intently, smiling when he's supposed to smile and laughing when he's supposed to laugh, even holding his tongue when Tyler mentions the "my roommate is an ass" comment. 

Only when Tyler finally finishes his story does Brendon finally chime in, "So, did you get a picture of him?"

"Um...no. What? How was I supposed to 'get a picture of him'?" Tyler looks at with a puzzled expression. 

"Are you kidding?! You're useless! You didn't even sneak a stalker snap for your buddy? How on Earth am I supposed to know whether or not I approve?" Brendon throws his hands in the air, a dramatic gesture of his frustration. 

"Yeah, Brendy. That would have gone down a treat! 'Hey Josh, can you just sit real still for a moment, my roommate wants to creep on you so I gotta take a picture for later, thanks!' Somehow, I think not."

"You are so clueless, Tyler. And STOP CALLING ME THAT, OR YOU'RE GROUNDED! Obviously you don't _let them know_ you're taking the picture of them," he's standing up off the bed where he was sat beside Tyler now, rounding on him. "Are you really this much of a dating novice?"

Tyler glares at him. "I'm terribly sorry to disappoint you, _Brendy_ , but I try not to do things to other people that I wouldn't want them to do to me. How would you feel if someone was doing that to you?"

"Right. That's it. You're going to bed with no dessert tonight!" Brendon huffs and Tyler giggles at how easily worked up his friend is. "And you're working under the assumption that a) I would mind people taking pictures of me, and that b) people aren't taking sneaky snaps of me to share with their friends all the time. Both of which are incorrect."

Tyler just rolls his eyes, trying not to smile. "So how did music orientation go anyway?"

Brendon throws himself down on his own bed, launching into the story of his day, and Tyler's heart aches a little to hear of all the fun he could be having if he could **just read God damn sheet music** , but then he reminds himself that if he could, he wouldn't have had lunch with the most gorgeous guy he's ever met today, and that makes him feel a little better. 

Apparently the resources in the music department are incredible, every instrument you could imagine and a couple that you couldn't, a plethora of sound equipment, a stage with the most wonderful acoustics. Tyler almost has to ask him to stop, can't take the torture of knowing all the wonderful opportunities he's missing out on, but then Brendon's telling him that he'll sneak Tyler in some day so he can mess around in the music room, and he's so glad he has Brendon as a friend, that his friend would risk getting into trouble just so that he could play some piano. 

"So, are there any hot guys in your class?" Tyler inquires, suspecting it's a subject Brendon has been itching to discuss since the moment he got back. 

"Duh, it's music class! How are you gonna have a room full of guitarists and bassists and singers and it _not_ be full of hot guys?" Brendon snickers, and then spends a minute or two talking about this one guy in particular, Ryan, who is allegedly "the most precious, adorable little twink bottom you have ever seen".

Once that's out of his system, Brendon moves on. "Ohmigod, I almost forgot! You are _never_ going to guess who our new neighbour is," he groans. 

"I don't have to guess, buddy. I ran into her earlier," Tyler sniggers, before taking on a more serious tone. "Look, Brendon, she seems really nice. We lucked out in the college dorm neighbour stakes. Just, please, don't make her feel so uncomfortable around you that she asks to move rooms."

Brendon gasps, looking affronted. "I would never!" he barks. "Tyler Joseph, I may well be a sexual deviant, but I am _not_ a harasser!"

"What about Melanie Martinez back in middle school?" Tyler smirks at him. 

"I WAS THIRTEEN, TYLER," he snaps back. 

"You made her cry, Brendon."

"She cried at everything!"

"YOU TOLD HER YOU'D STEAL HER PET RABBIT IF SHE DIDN'T LIFT UP HER SKIRT," Tyler accuses. "She was devastated. Mrs Finlay had to call her parents to come pick her up and she wouldn't sit anywhere near you for the rest of the year, remember?"

"I was going to give it back. It's not like I was going to kill the thing!" Brendon defends himself, as if it was perfectly reasonable. 

"Just. Please don't, Brendon. She seems really nice," Tyler pleads with him. 

"Okay, okay! She's off limits, I get it. God, I'd say you had a crush on her if I didn't know you were a cock fiend."

"BRENDON!" Tyler blushes a furious crimson as he takes off a shoe to throw at his friend on the other bed. 

"Where is the lie?" Brendon titters, and Tyler takes off his other shoe to throw it at him too. "Alright, Tyjo, I'm ravenous. You up for another trip to McDonalds? We might even run into your girlfriend."

"Nah, I'm still kind of full from all the pizza. You go ahead, I'll just chill here," Tyler urges, and after a feeble attempt at resistance, Brendon concedes. 

"Okay, I won't be gone long. You sure you're gonna be okay?" There's a crease of worry in Brendon's forehead and Tyler rolls his eyes. 

"I'm a big boy now, Brendon. I'm sure I can look after myself while you see to your burger thirst."

"You don't get thirsty for food, Ty. That's hunger. You really ought to know these things, what with you being an English student in college and all."

Tyler groans at the nickname. "You know what I mean! And you also know I hate that name. I tell ya what, I promise I'll stop calling you Brendy if you promise you'll stop calling me Ty. Truce?" He holds out his hand and Brendon shakes on it. 

"Okay. Since you promised so nicely, I'll bring you back some dessert. You have to behave while I'm away though, okay?" Brendon moves to slip on his shoes and grab his jacket. 

"I pwomise," Tyler simpers and earns himself a smile and a hand ruffling his hair. 

"That's a good boy," Brendon chuckles as he walks out the door. 

As soon as he leaves and Tyler has only himself for company, he realises that the joy that was filling him to the brim earlier in the day has dissipated, and he's starting to crash. It's a cycle he's used to, the ups and downs, being elated for a while and then the slow decline into depression, but this kind of brevity between emotions isn't the norm. He'd figured he would be riding his Josh high for the rest of his week, but suddenly even the mental image of Josh with his tongue between his teeth in a warm grin isn't picking his spirits up. 

He decides to stick his record on again, and he's almost listened to it the whole way through before Brendon finally returns. 

"Hello, my child! Sorry I took so long, I got a McFlurry, and if I'd waited until I got back to eat, it would have been McMilk." He pauses for a moment at the door, listening to the music before making his way across the room. "Is this the record you bought today?" 

Tyler just nods. 

Brendon spends a few moments appreciating the song before commenting, "Well, at least this 'Josh' seems to have a decent music taste!" He throws a brown paper bag onto Tyler's stomach and tells him, "Eat your dessert."

Tyler reaches in and pulls out a chocolate covered doughnut. Usually, his mouth would be watering, but right now the mere thought of eating is making him feel nauseated. He knows he won't get away with that where Brendon is concerned, and doesn't really want to go into detail about how he's feeling currently, so he forces it down and mumbles out a quick, "Thanks."

Brendon gives him a knowing look. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, m'fine. Just getting pretty tired." He tries his best to give Brendon a smile, although it feels more like a wince. 

"Okay, that's fair. It's been a lot of excitement for the poor, little baby all in one day," he clucks and Tyler rolls his eyes again. "You should actually get undressed before bed this time, though," he adds with a smirk as he kicks his shoes off. "I'm gonna stay up for a little while, but I'm just gonna be on my laptop, so we can shut off the lights and you go to sleep, okay?"

Tyler appreciates it. He knows it's a little ridiculous, a nineteen year old college student being babied by his best friend, even more ridiculous that he needs it, but he doesn't really care right now. He wriggles around on top of his sheets, squirming out of his t-shirt and leggings and chucking them over the side of the bed as he settles down into the sheets. He feels bad for Brendon. That boy is always so bubbly and full of energy, as if nothing can bring him down. He practically bounces with joy as he talks, even about the most mundane topics. Such a stark contrast to Tyler who seems to ooze a morose gloom everywhere he goes. He's a black hole, sucking up all the happiness around him and turning it into nothingness, just like the vast emptiness inside him. He can't help but think, one day, Brendon's going to have had enough of his dismal, energy sucking ways and just leave him. Honestly, he wouldn't blame him. He rolls over to face the wall and shuts his eyes, hoping that he'll sleep this off and wake up tomorrow feeling fine. 

*****

Tyler is not fine. It's 11am on Sunday morning, and as much as Tyler has always hated Sunday's, they've always been his sad days, this is extreme. He's been awake for three hours now, but he can't seem to find it in himself to get out of bed. Brendon keeps mentioning that he should get a shower and get dressed so they can go get breakfast, whining about his insatiable hunger and how he can't go on much longer, but Tyler hasn't even answered. The thought of food is still making him feel sick. 

He lets out a startled groan as he feels a heavy weight on top of him all at once, and peeks over the bedsheets to see Brendon laying full-bodied on top of him. 

"Talk to me, Tyler. What's up?"

At the words, Tyler feels his eyes fill with tears and he gets so angry because he doesn't even know why. "I have no idea, I just feel abysmal," he quavers, trying his best to rope in his emotions but feeling as though he has no control. 

Brendon's eyes snap up to his then. "Tyler, have you been taking your pills?"

And then it clicks. That must be it. Tyler loathes the extent to which he relies on the little green and yellow pills. He's hated them ever since he was first prescribed them when he was 15, telling himself he was only taking them to appease his mother. But it's only been two days without them, and look at him. 

"I guess I forgot," he mumbles.

Brendon tuts as he moves over to the kitchen area of the dorm they share. A tiny sink, a knee height fridge, a microwave and tea kettle Brendon had had the good sense to bring from home, a counter and a single cupboard. Not exactly fit for gourmet meals, if you wanted to cook with a stove you had to move to the communal kitchen down the hall, but it's enough. He rummages through the cupboard until he finds the little brown bottle he's searching for and crosses the room back to Tyler, shaking two into the palm of his reluctantly outstretched hand. 

Tyler sits up in bed and watches as Brendon crosses the room again to replace the bottle and returns with a coffee mug filled with water for Tyler to swallow them with. He does, and then inspects the mug, it's white and has UNT printed on it in huge, black letters, the black handle forming a C in front of it. Definitely Brendon's. He can't imagine his mother packing this in with the crockery she sent off with him to university. 

"Nice," Tyler lets out a quiet laugh and Brendon breaks into a wide smile at the sound. 

"C'mon, buddy. Get some clothes on, we're going to the music building." He takes the mug from Tyler's hands, sets it on his bedside table and then grabs his hands to heave him out of bed. 

Tyler doesn't bother with a shower, doesn't even bother looking in the mirror, he just tugs an old, baggy t-shirt with a gaudy, Hawaiian floral pattern on it over his head and pulls on a pair of black sweat pants. He shoves his bare feet into a pair of slip on Vans from under his bed, grabs a hoody and shuffles out the door after Brendon. 

*****

They spend a few hours in the music room. It's just as wonderful as Brendon had made out, the amount of instruments available to play was a little overwhelming, and it made Tyler want to take up learning about fifteen more, but he spent his time sitting behind the piano, the instrument he missed most. 

After about an hour, Tyler can feel the medication beginning to work. His improvised melodies on the piano audibly shifting from melancholy to upbeat and cheerful the longer he plays. Brendon has been working on his singing for a while now, and Tyler's heard the melody of the song he's been practising enough times that he starts to play along. 

Brendon gives him a huge smile. "Oh, thank God! I didn't want to say, but you've been putting me off with your angst. I couldn't concentrate on what I was doing," he laughs. 

Tyler smiles back, cherishing the happiness that bubbles up in his stomach, just so glad to be feeling anything other than anguish. He starts up the melody again, playing along with Brendon for another half hour as he works out the kinks in the flow of his song. It's good. It's really good. Brendon has this wonderfully powerful voice that makes you want to sing along with him, even if you don't know the words. By the end, Tyler knows every lyric and sings with him proudly as he plays. 

"You're getting really fucking slick on that piano," Brendon huffs out, finally having exhausted his voice for the day and squeezing onto the stool beside Tyler. "I swear, if my parents could see you... The fact that they sank so much money into lessons for me, you taught yourself and you're better than me!"

"Naaaaah, not really," Tyler shakes his head modestly. "I don't really have a clue what I'm doing." He sighs a little and stands up before Brendon can argue. "Didn't you say you were hungry?"

"Dear Lord, I am so empty I feel faint. You up for heading to the café on campus?"

Tyler gives a nod and they move out. 

*****

After a cup of coffee and a couple of slices of toast, Brendon having eaten enough to feed a small army, they head back to their room. Brendon pauses outside the dorm next to theirs, hushing Tyler in mid sentence and pressing his ear up to Hayley's door. 

"Brendon, you're being creepy," Tyler protests, but Brendon hushes him again. 

"There's definitely a guy in there!" he hisses. "He sounds hot."

Tyler chuckles a little, rolling his eyes at his friend. "There is literally no way to tell that from someone's voice, Brendon. It's probably her boyfriend. C'mon!" he urges, grabbing Brendon's arm and tugging him away from his eavesdropping post. 

Once inside, Brendon raises the topic of Josh for the first time that day. 

"So, have you sent him a text yet?" he inquires. 

"Not yet," Tyler admits. "I don't wanna come off as, y'know, like, desperate or needy or whatever."

"You mean the person you are?" Brendon cackles and Tyler shoots him a hurt look. 

"Hey! Well. I mean, yeah, okay, fair. But he doesn't need to know that yet! I only met him yesterday. Besides, I was on the phone to my mom, and she said-"

"Tyler Joseph, please, tell me you are not taking dating advice from your mother over me. Your good, Christian mother who is very much of the opinion that her eldest son is straight."

That shuts Tyler up and Brendon looks triumphant. 

"Just send him a text! You obviously want to, the way you were talking about him yesterday, you looked like a lovesick little puppy. Honestly, it was gag-worthy. And he gave you his number! You didn't even have to ask for it! Just send him a text!"

"I did _not_ look 'like a lovesick little puppy'", he protests, making his way over to the phone on his bed as he speaks. 

"You so did! I didn't want to mention it at the time and burst your bubble, but it was totally disgusting. I just hope you don't pull that expression when you're around him," Brendon teases, and Tyler shoots him a glare as he reaches for his cell phone. 

Tyler stops in his tracks as he hears the male voice from Hayley's room laughing through the thin wall. It's a wheezy giggle, somehow managing to be both low and high pitched at the same time. It reminds him of trees. He'd know that laugh anywhere. 

Josh is next door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so dang close to Brendon chiming in with a HAVEN'T YOU PEOPLE EVER HEARD OF CLOSING THE GOD DAMN DOOR in that second paragraph, you have no idea.


	7. Dyeing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **-** denotes a change in perspective from Tyler to Josh while remaining in the third person. If it's too hard to follow or you just don't like it, let me know and I'll go back to writing from Tyler's point of view only. Thanks for reading!

Tyler is still frozen by his bed when Brendon breaks the silence. 

"Tyler? Is everything alright?" he questions, concern lacing the edges of his words. 

"That's Josh," he utters softly, his heartbeat quickening with the realisation. 

"What?!" Brendon hisses, rushing over to Tyler's side of the room to press his ear up against the wall. "Are you sure?"

"Positive," Tyler mumbles, barely louder than a whisper. There's no mistaking that laugh. He hears it again and his heart pounds in a crescendo so strong he can feel it pulsing in his ears. 

"See, I told you he sounded hot!" Brendon teases, ear still against the wall. 

Tyler still can't seem to move. "Brendon, what do I do? She told you she had a boyfriend, right? Is it Josh, is he the boyfriend? He's next door, Brendon. Frick. Crapshoot, what do I do?"

"Text him, you dummy!" Brendon sighs, sounding annoyed with what he evidently views as Tyler's stupidity. 

So he does. 

Tyler: **Are you literally next door right now?**

He wills his heartbeat to slow down as he awaits Josh's reply, but it completely ignores him, instead racing even faster as his phone pings. 

Josh: **? Who is this**

Ah, yes, Tyler thinks to himself. That may well have been a sensible starting point. Too late now. He hurriedly types up a text back. 

Tyler: **It's Tyler. Are you in Hayley's room right now?**

Josh's replies are practically instantaneous now. 

Josh: **...yes. What? You're next door?**

Tyler: **I am...**

Josh: **Well get your butt over here!**

Panic sets in at this point, Tyler's hands are shaking and he feels like somebody is slowly inflating a balloon in his chest cavity, like there's less and less room for his organs in there as the balloon grows, his breathing suddenly very laboured. He looks around to see Brendon staring at him expectantly.

"Well?!" he practically shouts. 

"He's definitely next door, Brendon," Tyler whimpers. 

"Yes, Tyler, we established that much already," he mutters impatiently. 

"Brendon he wants me to come over. Brendon what do I do?" Tyler babbles, wringing his hands together in his lap. 

"You get your ass over there!" Brendon cries, as though it's the most obvious thing in the world. 

"Brendon, I look like shit." He still hasn't looked in the mirror, but in his stretched out t-shirt and sweatpants, hair untouched since he woke up this morning, he can't imagine he's the picture of beauty. 

"So go make yourself pretty and then get your ass over there!" Brendon insists with a shove.

Tyler stands, looking lost for a moment, before racing around the room to gather fresh clothes and closing himself in the bathroom. He steals a glance in the bathroom mirror. Mistake.

"Oh dear God," he whispers to himself, taking in his appearance. His hair is sticking out in about 17 different directions, none of them good, he has bags under his eyes appropriately sized to carry a week's worth of groceries for his entire family and his skin is as shiny as a newly minted coin. 

He has a lot of work to do and not much time to pull it off. Not wanting Josh to think he's ignoring him, he sends another text. 

Tyler: **You're sure Hayley won't mind?**

Josh: **Get your butt over here!**

Tyler can't help a little smirk, both at how quickly Josh replies and his repetition. He sends a final text before beginning the task of making himself Josh-ready. 

Tyler: **Just gimme a second and I'll be right there.**

-

"Hey, Hales, does a guy called Tyler live beside you?" Josh lowers his phone and looks up at Hayley from the computer chair he's sitting on in her bathroom. She slaps a glob of the paste she's working with onto the top of his head and goes back to the bowl to scoop out more. 

"Yeah! Tall, skinny guy? Short, brown hair?" she sticks her tongue out of the corner of her lips in concentration as she brushes the bleach through his hair. 

"That's the one," he smirks. "You mind if he pops over for a bit?"

"Of course not!" she grins, moving around to the back of his head. "I didn't realise you guys knew each other! I haven't talked to him much, but he seems like a really sweet kid." She uses the short bristled brush from the dye kit to spread a little through the hair at the back, making sure her line down the centre is even all the way around. 

"Yeah, he really is," he beams, and she catches it in the mirror. 

"Oh ho!" she giggles, scrunching up her face as she loads the brush again. "Do we have a little crush on the boy next door?"

Josh attempts to keep a straight face, but feels his lips curl into a smile before he can even attempt to deny it. 

"Jeez, Josh. You're such a cliché!" she titters, brushing more bleach through the hair at the back of his head. "He really does seem like a sweetheart. I can't say as much for his roommate, though," she spits. Josh can see the distaste in her face as she mentions him. 

"Yeah, so I've heard. Is he really that bad?" he glances down at his phone as it vibrates in his hands, grinning at Tyler's confirmation that he'll be right over. 

"He asked me if I was on the menu in work the other night. Told me he wanted to 'sample my sweetmeats'. I almost barfed in his face," her faces crumples with disgust as she speaks and Josh bursts out laughing. "It's not funny!" she shrills, giving him a playful slap on the arm, "He's totally gross."

Josh thinks it's pretty funny, but decides to keep that to himself. "I'm sure he's not so bad once you get to know him. I mean, if he has a best friend like Tyler, he's gotta be a nice guy, deep down."

"You are so smitten!" she squeaks with a delighted look, pushing her cheeks up into an adorable smile that puts Josh in mind of a chipmunk. 

"Shut up," he grins, catching his tongue in his teeth. 

There's a knock at the door and Hayley sets the bowl and brush she's holding down on the side of the sink as she moves to answer it. 

Josh hears a quiet voice in the other room as she opens the door. "Uhh, hey Hayley. What's with the gloves? Am I walking in on a crime scene? Because I can come back later..."

He hears a girlish giggle as Hayley replies, "No, c'mon in. We're just dying Josh's hair. And when I say we, I mean I'm doing all the work while he sits there looking pretty." 

Josh can't help but grin hugely as Tyler walks into the room behind Hayley. His hair sits fluffy on top of his head as he runs his hand through it, and Josh notices Tyler's tattoos. He wears a black tank top, sleeves cut so low half of his chest is visible on each side and Josh takes in his bare arms for the first time. The tan skin covering them is decorated, the left with thick, black bands of ink, stunning in their simplicity, the right with an array of glyphs and symbols he can't make any sense of, but he loves them anyway. Now that he's seen them, he can't imagine Tyler without them, they seem like such a fundamental part of him. He desperately wants to seek the meaning behind every mark on his skin, but then Hayley shoves Josh's side and he realises he's staring. 

"Hey, Tyler!" he grins as Hayley slops more of the bleach onto the back of his head. 

"Hi," Tyler smirks, lifting a hand up in a sort of greeting and shuffling from foot to foot in an adorably awkward manner, as though he can't quite figure out what to do with any of his limbs. 

"Don't worry, we're nearly done here," Josh hears Hayley smile to Tyler from behind him, "I'm just finishing up." She scrapes the last of the goop out of the bowl and smears it onto Josh's head. 

"There! I'll go grab the foil, and then we wait another 30 minutes," she huffs to Josh, peeling the gloves off her hand and throwing them into the bathroom trash. The smell is starting to sting his eyes and nose, despite the open window, but he waits patiently for her to return and wrap his head up, knowing from the first round of the evening that she won't allow him past the bathroom door without some kind of bleach-barrier wrapped around his head. He really hopes she wasn't too attached to that throw pillow on the couch. 

"So, you're going blonde?" Tyler asks as Hayley waltzes past him. "What brought this on?"

"Oh, no!" Josh laughs, pulling a face at the idea of himself as a blonde. "I've wanted bright red hair for years now. Hayley suggested I let her do it, since I have literally no clue what I'm doing. I didn't even know you had to bleach your hair first. Twice!" he groans, rubbing his stinging eyes with the heels of his hands. 

"I didn't realise you guys were friends," Tyler confesses, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. "Have you guys known each other long?"

Hayley comes back in with a roll of foil and Josh smiles at her as she fashions him a tinfoil hat. "Yeah, we're childhood friends. Our families live pretty close by, so we grew up together. I didn't know you guys were neighbours!" he counters, and Tyler shrugs. 

"We haven't really talked all that much, I have a feeling Brendon saw to that," Tyler answers. Hayley's face crinkles at the mere mention of the name, and Josh and Tyler both laugh. 

"Whatever!" she sighs, taking a step back to admire her handiwork. "The height of fashion, Joshua. I swear, you could start a trend."

Tyler lets out a little giggle as he inspects the silver headwear. "You look like one of those conspiracy theory crackpots who wears foil on their head to stop aliens reading their thoughts."

"Heck no, aliens are dope! They can read my thoughts all they want!" he chuckles, making his way back out of the bathroom as Tyler and Hayley follow. 

Josh throws himself down on her bed, and Tyler sits beside him as Hayley sits on the couch at the other side of her dorm, filling the space that would be occupied by another bed if she shared her room. She gives Josh a knowing smile as she sets a timer on her phone to remind them to wash the bleach out and Josh tries to ignore the stinging on his scalp that he knows he'll have to endure for another half hour. 

"You guys want some tea?" she chirps, standing once more and moving over to her kitchen area to turn the kettle on. 

"Yeah, that sounds awesome!" Josh calls over.

Tyler nods to her with a grateful smile, "Do you need any help?"

"No, no, don't be silly, sit down. You're a _guest_!" she emphasises the last word as she stands on her tip toes, struggling to reach the mugs in her cupboard. 

"You sure, Hales? Looks like you're coming up a little short, there," Josh teases, earning him a glare as she turns around, hand on her hip. 

"Careful, alien boy. You're sounding mighty cocky for someone with four inches on me, max."

Tyler lets out a sudden, "HA!" and Josh thinks it's the loudest noise he's ever heard him make. 

Hayley is still struggling with the mugs. "Hey Tyler, since you're so _big and tall_ ," she stresses, still glaring at Josh, "you think you could give me a hand?"

"Of course!" He jumps up and rushes over, lifting three mugs down without even having to stretch. 

"Thank you! It's so nice to have a gentleman around the house. For once!" she aims the last words in Josh's direction as Tyler stays to help her make the tea. 

Once she's supplied them all with hot beverages and cookies, they take their seats again and she looks over at them with a smile. "So, how did you guys meet?" she asks. 

Josh can see the mischief in Tyler's eyes as he tells her, "Well actually, it's kind of a funny story." He sits back on the bed, leaning his back against the wall with a puzzled but amused look on his face as he lets Tyler continue. 

"I was seventeen at the time, and really struggling to come to terms with the idea of becoming an adult. So I decided to go backpacking in the Appalachian Mountains, just to get away from it all, y'know?"

Josh's face is starting to redden with the effort it takes not to laugh as he nods along with Tyler's story. Hayley is listening intently, sipping her tea with a sympathetic look on her face as Tyler goes on. 

"So I am just _really_ ill prepared for this trip, no spare socks, no ropes, I mean I don't even have a tent with me! Because I wasn't ready to be an adult, I didn't think about these things. Anyway, night falls and I'm just thinking, 'This is it, this is how I die,' but then I see Josh in the distance and he comes up to me, and he says - what was it you said again, Josh?"

Tyler is looking at him without a hint of laughter on his face, and Josh barely takes a second before deciding to play along. 

"Oh, uhh... 'When travelling, lay out all your food and wi-fi enabled devices, then pack half the food and twice the devices.' Just something my Grandma always used to say."

He sees Tyler very nearly burst out laughing, biting his lip before composing himself and turning back to Hayley, who finally seems to have cottoned on to the joke. 

"Yeah, that was it!" Tyler picks up. "See, Josh was working as a ranger in the mountains back then, and those words really resonated with me. So he took me back down to my family and we've been friends ever since. In fact, all the music I've written since then has been about that night we first met."

Josh collapses in hysterics, laughing so hard tears roll down his cheeks and he falls back on the bed, Tyler laughing with him now. 

Hayley throws a cushion from the couch at them, shouting, "You guys are jerks!" but laughing along. 

-

Tyler really doesn't know what he was getting himself so worried about. He had forgotten, only in the space of a day, just how easy it is for him and Josh to make conversation. He'd spent an entire hour talking to him the very first time they met, after all, and then another hour eating pizza. 

The more time he spends with Hayley, the more he decides he loves her. The banter between the three of them is effortless and it fills Tyler to the brim with a buzzing energy that he never wants to lose. He wants to take this moment and keep it frozen forever, the happiness and the laughter, the electricity he feels sparking at his skin any time he and Josh brush against one another or accidentally touch, the promise of more to come. It makes him feel alive. It makes him feel like a different person than he was when he woke up this morning, and he has a feeling it has nothing to do with the medication he's taken. 

The trio are torn from a discussion about aliens (which they all agree definitely exist at the very least, however Josh is the only one fighting the corner that they've been to Earth,) by Hayley's blaring alarm reminding them that Josh needs to wash the bleach out of his hair. 

"Hey, Tyler," she shoots him a glance with a smirk as she turns off her alarm, "I need to get set up for step three, do you wanna go help Josh wash the bleach out and I'll be in in a sec?" Without even waiting for an answer, she winks at him and prances into the kitchen. 

"Uh, sure," he says to no one in particular, because Josh is already making his way into the bathroom, pulling his shirt off over his head and taking the tinfoil with it to reveal bright, blonde hair underneath. 

Tyler follows him in, trying his best to keep his mind on the task at hand, but it's so, incredibly difficult because Josh is _shirtless_ , Tyler can see every muscle under his skin flex with his movements and he desperately wants to cover the expanse of pale skin on his chest with featherlight kisses, trail his hands across the mountain range of Josh's abdomen. 

"I guess if you just wanna sit in the chair and lean your head back over the sink?" Tyler suggests, and Josh immediately complies. His eyes are closed and his neck is exposed and all Tyler can think about is sucking hickeys onto the skin there. He shakes his head, trying to clear his thoughts, and turns the water on. 

It turns out he chose just about the most awkward way to go about this, because he has to try and cup water in his hands to pour it over Josh's hair, but he hears no complaints and in turn, provides none. This way, it means Tyler gets to run his fingers through his hair a lot more, and that's a win as far as he's concerned. At one point, as he massages his fingers through Josh's wet hair, admittedly tracing his fingertips across Josh's scalp more than is entirely necessary, Josh lets out a little groan and leans into his hands, and he has to start thinking about his Grandma to keep it PG.

"Jeez, get a room, guys!" Hayley's teasing voice comes from the door, and Tyler jumps with fright so violently that he soaks himself. Hayley bursts out laughing with an apologetic look to Tyler.

"We had one before we were so rudely interrupted," comes Josh's retort from the sink as he grabs a towel and, bending forward, vigorously shakes it through his hair. After he's gotten as much of the water out as is possible with a damp towel, he straightens up to check his hair in the mirror, then doubles over again with laughter. 

"Holy crap, this looks ridiculous. NEXT STEP!" Hayley swoops in on cue, freshly gloved hands holding a bowl of what looks like thick ketchup and the same short bristled, pointy handled brush. "Hayley, I swear to God, if you mess my hair up I'm never talking to you again."

"Don't tempt me!" she bites her tongue between her teeth in a grin, and Tyler wonders if that's a side effect of hanging around with Josh. "You will take what you get and you will like it, mister," she scolds. "Besides, it's gonna look amazing. For goodness' sake, you even pull off the brassy, bleach blonde look. But don't let that go to your head!" She adds quickly as she sees his eyebrows raise with a grin. 

She works quickly now, having had two practice runs at it by this point, and trails the red dye through his hair with ease. Tyler can tell immediately that she was right, it's going to look amazing. With the red painted onto his hair, he can picture what it'll look like when the next 30 minute session is up and it's time to wash it out again. His stomach twists a little at the image in his mind, as he watches Hayley quickly make her way through the entire bowl of hair dye. 

"Okay, you don't need tinfoil for this one. Just, _please_ , Joshua. Do not stain my belongings," she implores as she peels the gloves off her hands. Covered in red dye, now it really does look as though Tyler's walked in on a crime scene. 

"I promise!" Josh smiles at her, then turns to Tyler. "You wanna come join me for a cigarette, keep me out of trouble?" With a wink that makes Tyler feel weak at the knees again, Josh walks out to the living room to dig in his jacket pocket for his cigarettes, and he follows. 

He feels a little like a damsel in distress around Josh, all swoons and weak kneed and fanning himself because he feels faint. It's not exactly the sexiest persona he could be putting across, but try as he might he just can't seem to help it. All it takes is a certain look, that tongue biting smile, even the texts earlier to 'get his butt over there' and his stomach is doing somersaults and erupting in butterflies. He makes a mental note to try a little harder to maintain composure around Josh, but then he's found his cigarettes, he's holding one between his lips and winking at Tyler, he's going outside **without a shirt on** and Tyler's stomach is doing flips again. 

He follows Josh as he bounds down the stairs, taking them two at a time while he struggles to keep up, and the cool night air that rushes in as Josh yanks the door open bites at every inch of exposed flesh on Tyler's body. He instantly regrets not bringing a jacket, shivering as they walk outside and Josh lights his cigarette. 

"You cold?" he looks over at Tyler, he's standing with his arms wrapped around his body, pulled into the loose arm holes of his shirt and teeth chattering. 

"What gave it away?" Tyler shudders, arms squeezing himself tighter as he jumps a little on the spot, trying desperately to generate a little heat in his body, and utterly bewildered by the fact that not a single goosebump is raised on Josh's exposed skin. 

Wordlessly, Josh wraps an arm around Tyler's body and pulls him against his own. He radiates heat, enveloping Tyler like an electric blanket and wrapping the other hand around his back to smoke over Tyler's shoulder. Tentatively, he removes his arms from his shirt and wraps them around Josh in return, fingers splaying across his back and nails tracing delicate circles around his skin. Even in the biting cold, Tyler doesn't think he's ever felt warmer. 

"You know, I'm really glad you live next to my friend, Ty," Josh mutters into his shoulder. 

He's always hated the nickname 'Ty', it's always made him cringe and he's told plenty of people not to use it, but with Josh, it's different. It feels intimate, safe somehow, wrapped here in his arms and hearing it whispered next to his ear. He likes the way Josh only uses it once they're alone together, like it's a secret, a word only for them. Rather than the usual irritation that followed the name from anyone else, from Josh it turns the butterflies in his stomach into birds desperate to escape and ignites a fire in his chest. 

"I'm really glad you're friends with the girl I live next to, Josh," Tyler replies. 

All of a sudden, Josh is pulling away. Tyler almost complains until he feels chapped lips mashing into his, one hand in his hair while the other wraps around his waist and pulls him tighter into the warm body in front of him. His hands go straight to Josh's hair, covering them in red hair dye, but he really doesn't care because he opens his mouth to let out a gentle moan and Josh's tongue leaps at the opportunity to explore, and he really doesn't want it to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to give me a little feedback on how you feel about the back and forth between perspectives. If you don't dig it, it's not an issue!  
> Thanks, frens.


	8. Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm terribly sorry to have gone from 7 updates in 2 days to none for 24 hours. How awfully cruel of me. And right when they kiss! Don't worry, though, I have plenty of ideas lined up and I tried to make this chapter a little longer to make up for it. Enjoy!

Tyler and Josh stand there in the freezing cold long after Josh's neglected cigarette has burned away. Tyler doesn't even notice the cold anymore, wrapped up in and pressed against the boy from the record store. Their lips work beautifully in unison, the push and pull constantly switching between them. One minute Tyler's pressing Josh up against the wall to finally kiss and bite at the neck that's been tantalising him for the past while, relishing the groan Josh lets out, the next Josh is grabbing at his waist with a growl and almost pulling him off his feet with the need for their bodies to be closer. Neither one is in control for long before the other draws it back, not a fight so much as a dance, their mouths knowing all the steps without rehearsal.

"Oh my God!" the sound of Hayley's shocked voice springs them apart, Josh's hands still grasping Tyler's shoulders as they look at her, Tyler looking mortified and Josh simply pissed off. "I swear to God, I leave you two alone for what was supposed to be _five minutes_ , to 'smoke a cigarette'. Get inside!"

Tyler would never have imagined Hayley as stern, didn't think it possible of such a tiny, cute creature to be so fiery and menacing, but he's a little scared of her right now if he's honest, and he doesn't want to make her any angrier. She suddenly seems a lot taller than she was back in the dorm. Much to the chagrin of the rest of his body, his mind forces him to pull himself out of Josh's firm grasp. 

"What's your damage?!" Josh demands of her, still looking pretty annoyed at the interruption. 

"My 'damage', Joshua, is that you're here for me to do your hair, not to take advantage of my neighbour. A neighbour who has potentially fucked up your hair, look at the state of both of you!"

Tyler looks down at his hands, plastered in red dye. It's over his arms, it's on Josh's neck, he wouldn't be surprised if he looked in the mirror to find it all over his face too. She has a point, dye is something of a permanent situation. 

"The alarm went off about five minutes ago! You are coming inside, we are washing that out of your hair and neither of you are touching _anything_ I own until you both get a shower. **And I don't mean together**!" she slams the door and stalks off back up the stairs, allowing silence to fall over the two of them. 

"I think she's just being pissy because she hasn't seen her boyfriend in so long," Josh smirks, grabbing Tyler's hand, despite it being slick with hair colourant, and tugging him towards the entrance of the building. 

He isn't sure if the heat in his cheeks is from the kissing or from the embarrassment of getting caught, but he suddenly becomes very aware of it as they step into the warm building, out of the cold. He really doesn't want to face Hayley right now, he'd much rather find some quiet, secluded place where he and Josh could get lost in one another without interruption. It must show on his face, because Josh glances at him as they walk towards the stairs and then he's tugging on Tyler's hand, stopping him in his tracks.

"Hey, Ty, are you okay?" he lifts a hand to cup Tyler's cheek and now he knows he definitely has the dye on his face. "Listen, don't worry about her! Honestly. She's just being a grumpus because she doesn't get to kiss a cute boy like I do," he gives Tyler a huge, cheesy grin with the words and it's infectious, Tyler can't help but grin back at him. 

"She's _scary_ ," Tyler whispers, as if she'll hear him from upstairs.

Josh chuckles, pulling him closer to plant a kiss on his cheek. "You're friggin' adorable, you know that?"

Tyler gives him a shy smile and then tugs on Josh's hand, leading him towards the stairs. "C'mon, I don't wanna make her any madder!"

As they get back to Hayley's dorm room door, Josh gives Tyler's hand a reassuring squeeze before he bellows out a deafening, "HAYLEY!", the sudden outburst making Tyler flinch. They can hear her storming towards the door, fuming, and Tyler glances at Josh too see he has a signature Josh grin on his face as she flings the door open. 

"What is _your_ damage?!" she yells at Josh, tugging him roughly into the room by the shoulder.

Letting go of Tyler's hand, Josh lets Hayley pull him inside, still grinning. "You told us not to touch any of your stuff before we washed up, I figured that meant your door too," he laughs. She does _not_ look amused. 

"Bathroom. Now. That stuff needs to come out of your hair, and Tyler you should get it off your skin as soon as possible," she says in a monotone voice and Tyler immediately heads to the kitchen sink to do what he's told, anxious to avoid another telling off. 

He can hear hushed voices from behind him for a brief moment, before Hayley lets out an irritated sigh. "Just go wash your hair, Josh." 

After scrubbing off as much of red as he can, which is worryingly little, he moves to grab some paper towels from the countertop and dry off his stained skin. Hayley walks across the room and drops into the couch, sitting with her head in her hands and elbows resting on her knees. For a moment, he considers leaving there and then, but he doesn't. Partly because he sees her body shake with a sob, but mostly because he wants to see the finished result of Josh's hair, and he can't just take off without saying goodbye. 

He goes to sit beside her, pausing for a moment before putting his arm around her shoulders. 

"Umm, hey, are you okay?" he murmurs in a soothing voice, awkwardly patting her shoulder. She straightens up with a sniffle, wiping her eyes, any air of intimidation gone as she stifles another sob.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you guys," she chokes out. "It's just," her body jerks with another sob and Tyler struggles to hear the rest of her sentence through the tears, "my boyfriend and I broke up. It happened while you were downstairs. Through _text message_ the asshole!" She dissolves into tears again. 

Tyler is in way over his head. He barely knows the girl who's now turning around to cry into his chest. He wraps the other arm around her shoulder and just lets her cry for a few minutes, rubbing her head in what he hopes is a comforting gesture. He doesn't think he's ever been happier to see Josh than when he finally emerges from the bathroom again.

"So, what do you guys think?" he smiles, and Tyler can't find the words. 

He looks amazing, the red hair suits him so perfectly that it seems unfair it's not his natural colour. Tyler's eyes flick down to the towel hanging low on Josh's waist, his pelvic muscles creating a v that disappears under the cotton, and it takes everything he has not to shove Hayley off of him, to run over to the Adonis standing in the bathroom doorway and finish what they started outside. But then Josh spies Hayley, still hidden in Tyler's chest, and rushes over to couch in front of her. 

"Hayley? Hales, what's wrong? Did something happen while I was in there?" he places his hands on her legs as she pulls herself out of Tyler's chest to look at him. 

"It's Josh," she wails, and Tyler stares incredulously at Josh until he shakes his head.

"Different one," he smiles to Tyler before turning back to Hayley. "What did that asshole do this time?!" 

"H-he said that he can't make it work, the wh-whole distance thing, I mean Carnegie's only three hours away, but-" she's stammering before Josh cuts her off. 

"When did this happen? Why didn't you tell me, Hales?" he asks, holding her hands now and looking distressed. 

"I just got the text when you guys were outside, that's why I was being a total bitch, I'm sorry," she weeps, but only one word seems to have registered with Josh. 

"A _text_?! Are you fucking kidding me? Two years together and that piece of shit breaks up with you in a text?!" He spits the words, and Tyler has never seen him angry before. Unlike with Hayley, Josh's anger doesn't make him seem tall and intimidating. Josh's anger just makes Tyler want him more. 

Josh turns to Tyler now, standing up and holding out a hand with a regretful smile. "C'mon, I'll walk you home."

"Josh, I live a foot from here," Tyler laughs, but takes the hand anyway and lets Josh pull him out of his seat. 

"Yeah, well, I'm a gentleman. Just lemme stick some clothes on," he grins, ducking into the bathroom. 

He emerges a few seconds later, shirtless with a t-shirt in his hands. Tyler tries to shrug off his disappointment that the towel has been replaced with a pair of jeans, then cringes a little as he sees Josh pull on a t-shirt with skin so wet it's still covered in droplets of water. 

"You're still soaked!" he groans, watching Josh pull the shirt on. It sticks to his damp skin and Tyler winces.

"I'll air dry, it's fine!" he smiles, taking Tyler's hand again and leading him out Hayley's door. They take about three steps and then they're in front of Tyler's. 

"Well, thanks for walking me home," Tyler giggles, turning to face Josh. Their eyes lock and Tyler matches Josh's grin. "Your hair looks incredible by the way. She did a really good job."

"Thanks, Ty," Josh smirks, pulling him in for a damp hug. "It was great to see you again. I didn't think I'd have the pleasure so soon!" He draws back from the hug and Tyler's shrugging off disappointment once more. He never wants their hugs to end once they've started. 

"I'll see you soon though, right?" Tyler asks, hands instinctively tugging at the hem of his tank top. He hopes he isn't being too needy, he'd spend all day everyday with Josh if he could. 

"Just you try and stop me," Josh smirks, and he brings a hand up to thread it through the back of Tyler's hair, brushing their lips together for a brief moment, pulling Tyler's bottom lip into his mouth before pulling away all too soon. 

"I should get back to Hayley," Josh says softly, still running his hand through Tyler's hair. "But I'll talk to you soon, okay? G'night, Ty."

With a kiss on his forehead, the hand in his hair is gone and, all too soon, Josh is disappearing into Hayley's dorm room again. As the door closes behind him, Tyler just stands there, leaning back against his wall and reliving the moment he was just in over and over again. 'Just you try and stop me', he'd said. Josh wanted to see him again. Spirits high, he turns to his own door and takes a deep breath. 

He has Brendon to deal with now. 

Brendon has left the door unlocked for him, and he slinks in. His roommate is sitting on his laptop at one of the desks, his eyes leave the screen to smile at Tyler, but as he catches sight of him his eyebrows raise so high that Tyler is reminded of a certain Captain mascot from his favourite cereal. 

"What the _fuck_ happened to you?!" Brendon cries out. "Is this some kinky shit? Because if so, I'm not sure if I wanna know. Wait, who am I kidding, of course I do!"

Tyler keeps a straight face as he walks towards the bathroom door, "Oh, we were dying Josh's hair," he shrugs. He can't help the smug grin as he saunters into the bathroom, closing the door on Brendon who's gotten up to chase him. 

"With your face?!" he hears him shout through the door. 

He glances at himself in the mirror to see the red marks from Josh's hand on his cheek and smears from biting Josh's neck on his jaw. He also notices he's biting his tongue between his teeth as he smiles. 

Brendon is still shouting through the door at him. "Tyler, you little shit, you get out here this instant, or I'm hiding your phone charger for a whole week."

Ignoring him, Tyler undresses gingerly, trying his best not to transfer the red dye on his clothes to any surface in their bathroom. He leaves his clothes in the sink and lets out a quiet giggle as Brendon shouts through the door again. 

"Don't think I won't do it! And I swear to God, you'll _never_ find it."

He steps into the shower and turns the water on, gasping as a freezing cold stream hits his body, but relaxing into it as it starts to heat up. He takes his sweet time showering, scrubbing at his skin to try and get as much of the red staining out as he can. He's a little more successful than he was next door, but only a little. 

In the shower, scrubbing at the hair dye, he finds his mind going over and over the night's events. He relives their kisses so many times it's like a movie scene he has memorised, he remembers Hayley telling them they couldn't touch anything until they'd both showered, "and I don't mean together!". The thought makes his heart race. At one point he hears Brendon screaming, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TYLER," from their bedroom and giggles to himself again, but eventually it gets too much to bear and he can't wait any longer to tell him. 

Tyler doesn't even dry himself properly when he steps out, hurriedly rubbing a towel over his skin and then stepping into a pair of boxers and sweatpants, recoiling at the feeling of the fabric sticking to his wet skin, but he can't stand it another second. He wrenches the door open and Brendon is on him immediately. 

"YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE, YOUNG MAN," he begins but Tyler shoves a hand up to his face. 

"Brendon, shut up and listen!" he shouts, and for once, Brendon obeys him. 

*****

Tyler doesn't know how much time has passed since he started talking. Once again, he's going over his time with Josh scene by scene as though he's describing a play, relaying even the most minor details of their interactions to Brendon. Once again, Brendon listens intently, laughs when he should, even adding in a gasp or two when Tyler talked about them kissing. 

"Oh my God!" Brendon marvels when he's finally done. "Oh my God, Tyler! So when are you gonna see him again?"

Tyler's smile falters for just a second at his words. "I don't know," he says honestly. "I mean, I don't even know my class time table yet, but I'll have days off. We can figure it out. Oh, by the way, Hayley kind of hates you," he adds as an afterthought. He'd gotten so wrapped up in talking about Josh that he'd barely mentioned her at all. 

"She hates me?! Why on Earth would she hate me?" he reels, looking offended. 

"Because you were a creep! She thinks you're totally gross. Any time your name came up she looked like we were talking about a cockroach," he laughs as Brendon's face falls. "Yeah, she's not doing so great right now. Her boyfriend text her while Josh and I were outside. She's single now, I guess," he finishes with a sympathetic frown. 

"SHE'S WHAT?!" Brendon's up like a shot at Tyler's words. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Panicking, Tyler stands too, putting his hands on Brendon's shoulders and forcing him to face him. "Brendon, **no** , _please_ ," he begs, staring into his friend's eyes. "Brendon, if you only do one thing for me for the rest of our lives, please. Please. Do not try to sleep with Hayley."

"Gosh, if it means _that much to you_ ," Brendon rolls his eyes but Tyler shakes him by his shoulders. 

"Brendon, I'm serious. Please. She's my friend. I don't want her to hate you more than she already does. I don't want her to ask to move!" he frowns at the thought, then gets an idea. "Pinky promise," he commands, holding the little finger of his left hand out to Brendon. 

"Are you literally twelve?" Brendon bites back, but Tyler doesn't budge. 

"Do it," he insists and reluctantly, Brendon hooks his finger around Tyler's. They stand silent for a moment before Tyler whines, "You have to say it!"

"You are literally twelve!" Brendon protests, but Tyler just glares. "Ugh, _fine_ ," he gives in, rolling his eyes again, and Tyler smirks, victorious. 

Their eyes meet and in unison they repeat the promise from their childhood. 

" _Pinky, pinky bow-bell,_  
_Whoever tells a lie_  
_Will sink down to the bad place_  
_And never rise up again_."

Brendon wrenches his finger from Tyler's grip and throws himself down in the chair at his desk with a sulk. 

"You're such a cock block, you know that?" he grumbles as he goes back to whatever work he's been neglecting since Tyler came home. 

"There'll be other girls, Brendon. You can have your pick of them, I promise. As long as they're into it, I mean. Just not her," Tyler implores. 

"I get it! Jeez. Anyway, my music professor has asked us to write this bullshit 'What Music Means to Me' essay. I need brownie points, so if you don't mind," he brushes Tyler off as his fingers start tapping on the keys. 

Tyler wonders if Josh is still next door. He hasn't heard that laugh since he came back to his room and he misses it painfully. He wonders how long he'll have to wait to see him again, how long it'll be before he gets to kiss those lips again. He wants to text him, to let Josh know how much he misses him already, how badly he wants to pick up where they left off, to tell him that their kisses made Tyler feel more alive than he's ever felt before. He's about to reach for his phone, but a nagging voice in the back of his mind tells him how desperate that would seem, how pathetic he is, and he stops himself. 

Instead he wriggles under the covers and mutters a goodnight to Brendon, mind racing with the nights events on repeat in his thoughts until he finally drifts off to sleep, dreams haunted by bright red hair and chapped lips. 

*****

Tyler's beginning week of college drops him in the deep end, and he forgot to bring his pool floaties. On Monday morning, he's given his timetable. He has classes with Brendon all day Monday and Tuesday, then again on Friday mornings, which isn't so bad, but their English professor has already set them an essay due by the end of the week. He said he wanted to get 'a feel for their writing style', and has asked them to prepare 5,000 words on something that inspires them. 

Tyler chooses trees. 5,000 words on trees is dream journal material for him, but he's still a little anxious about the idea of turning it in. Their English professor, Dr Hiles, takes no shit. Brendon is sent out of his class during their first lesson for disrupting the class. 

"If you don't want to be here, I don't want you here," Hiles shouts out the door after him as he trudges out. 

Brendon spends all of Monday evening calling him a Nazi and deciding he got his name because he 'heils Hitler'. 

*****

The next day in class, Brendon is much more muted and much less himself. Tyler is a little impressed that someone has managed to rein him in. Even when they were twelve, Brendon never really took any notice of authority. Perhaps the amount of money it's costing his parents to keep him there is influencing his decision a little. By the end of their lecture, Hiles has given them a list of five of Shakespeare's classics they have to buy for next week. Tyler has always hated Shakespeare. He prefers the kinds of books that don't require constant flicking back and forth for definitions as he reads. The prices on the book list make Tyler's heart rate quicken and he feels panic rising in his throat. Where do they expect college students to come up with this kind of money so quickly?

As his breaths begin to come in short, shallow gasps, he stares down at his hands. It's become his first action at any sign of panic or anxiety over the past two days. He focuses on the red lines that won't leave his nail beds and cuticles, remembers how they got there, relives that night for the hundredth time, and he can breathe again. 

*****

By the time Wednesday rolls around, Tyler barely even feels like he has a day off. He spends the late morning at his laptop, working on his essay for Dr Hiles, only taking a break when Brendon comes back from his morning music class with coffee and blueberry muffins. Tyler's eyes light up as he spies the familiar white cup with a circular green logo. 

"Oh my God, Starbucks?! Gimme!" he pleads, using grabby hands to gesture towards the to go cup Brendon hands him. He takes a sip of the caramel macchiato Brendon always knows to order him and lets out a satisfied groan. "Ugh. Yes. Thank you so much, you're the best friend ever."

"I know," Brendon singsongs, smiling at him. "Hey, we're going out tonight, okay? There's this competition at one of the frat houses. Basketball beer pong. You will _slay_ ," he grins. 

*

Tyler takes a grand total of three shots that night. His opponent, one of the frat brothers two years above them, ends up drinking so much he pukes over the table they're playing at, and Tyler gets disqualified for being overqualified. After that, Brendon agrees to take him back home, deciding he's probably making more enemies than friends here. 

They get back home before midnight and, throwing himself down on his bed, Tyler checks his phone. His heart starts to race as he sees he has a message from Josh. 

Josh: **Hey Ty, how's your first week of college going? x**

He breaks into a huge grin at the little letter finishing the text. He feels about thirteen as butterflies make his stomach flutter, and he types out a reply. 

Tyler: **Hi! Sorry I haven't been in touch. It's been kind of crazy, but I have a free day tomorrow if you wanna hang out? x**

His thumb hovers over the send button as the nagging voice tells him he's being too clingy, too desperate, too forward, he's going to push josh away. He hears his mother's voice telling him, "Let her come to you!" but pushes his doubts aside as he sends the text. His stomach twists with nerves as he waits for a reply, biting his lip as the response quickly arrives. 

Josh: **I would love to, seriously you have no idea how much I would love to. But I'm working all day and I already told Hayley I'd go to this thing tomorrow night. I am so sorry Ty. x**

His heart drops to his stomach as he reads the text. He can't help but wonder if maybe he had come on too strong, if he was pushing Josh away. He curses himself for sending it, nagging voice singing 'I told you so, I told you so' in his mind, when his phone vibrates again. 

Josh: **I'm free after work on Friday if that works? I get out at five. x**

Tyler's heart is hammering in his chest again as the butterflies in his stomach pick back up, and he rushes to text back. 

Tyler: **Friday is perfect! x**

He doesn't even wait 30 seconds before Josh's response makes his phone buzz. 

Josh: **I can't wait! x**

And neither can he.

*****

Thursday morning, Tyler spends about an hour finishing off his essay due for English class the next day. Brendon is in music class until lunch, and has told Tyler to come down and meet him afterwards so that they can practice together. When he finally wraps up the conclusion to his essay, he moves to the bed and flops down on his back. 

He can't get his mind off of Josh, can't stop thinking about spending an entire evening with him, just the two of them. His nerves make him jittery, fidgeting with the bedsheets and rolling around on top of the bed as he thinks to himself. Is this a date? He'd asked if Josh wanted to 'hang out' but it wasn't like they were going to chill in the dorm with Brendon all night. Tyler hadn't been on a date since he was thirteen and his mom chaperoned him and a girl from his class to the movies and then McDonalds for happy meals. Somehow, he didn't think that would cut it. What do adults do on dates?

Nerves overcoming him, he jumps up from the bed and starts pacing the room. Dinner. That's what adults do, they get dinner. He plonks himself down at the keyboard of his laptop and starts looking for fancy restaurants in Athens. He'd take Josh out for dinner somewhere. He could even give them his credit card up front so Josh can't offer to pay. That sounds pretty grown up, right?

His phone buzzes from the desk beside him and he tears his eyes from the Yelp reviews of a place called 'Zoe' about five minutes from campus that boasted both a quiet atmosphere and vegetarian options. It was Brendon. 

Brendon: **I AM FREE COME PLAY WITH ME**

He lets out a chuckle, standing up to grab a jacket and shove his floral vans on.

Tyler: **I'll be right there.**

*

Tyler is behind the piano for almost an hour. He plays along with Brendon's singing at first, but then a boy a little taller than Tyler with a floppy brown fringe walks in and Brendon immediately focuses all of his attention on the boy Tyler suspects is Ryan. 

They leave for the next room, Brendon turning to Tyler to mutter something about practicing in privacy with a wink, and he's alone. He plays on for a little longer, then moves from the piano stool to explore the room further. 

He notices a ukulele next to some guitars in the corner of the room by a window with a broken latch, and picks it up to strum some chords. The sounds bring him back to his bedroom as a young teenager, the long afternoons he spent teaching himself everything he knows, and his fingers move to play a song he knows by heart without even having to think. 

"Some may say, only fools rush in..." he sings along, and then Brendon's poking his head around the door again. 

"Hey, we're going out tonight," he smiles to him, and Tyler huffs out a sigh at the familiar words. "Frat house party. No beer basketball this time, I promise. It's at Sigma Chi. It'll be fun! We're leaving at eight, I'll see you then!" And with that, the door closes and Tyler is alone once more. 

*

At around seven thirty, Tyler is rummaging through his drawers to find some clothes for the party. He's spent the guts of half an hour deciding nothing he owns is good enough, and finally settles on his go-to black jeans and a plain black t-shirt, shrugging on a floaty, floral kimono over the top to add a little colour. 

His stomach churns at the idea of spending the evening in a fraternity house, dealing with a crowd of drunken strangers. He isn't great with strangers and crowds at the best of times, but rowdy, shouting strangers packed into a small house is a whole other ballgame. He reminds himself of all the things Brendon does for him and resolves to do something for his friend for once. He deserves it. 

He continues to worry, counting down the minutes with a building sense of dread until he hears a knock at the door at around five to eight, and makes his way over to answer it. He opens the door to see a grinning Brendon with an uncharacteristically messy head of hair, holding Ryan's hand. 

"Hey, buddy!" he smiles. "You ready to go? Don't forget your keys, I didn't bring mine."

Tyler simply nods, jingling his keys in his hand as he moves to close and lock the door behind him. 

The walk to the frat house isn't a long one, but Brendon and Ryan are chattering animatedly to one another in front of him leaving him to worry about the evening the whole way there. The churning in his stomach has reached the point that he feels nauseated as they finally reach the front door, and Brendon knocks. 

After a few beats, a tall, skinny guy with shoulder length hair opens the door to let them in. As they walk over the threshold, Brendon gives him a smile. 

"Thanks, Will. This is Tyler," he indicates to Tyler with a flailing hand before turning to tell him, "Tyler, this is William. He's in our music class."

Tyler isn't even paying attention, he's too busy staring at the backs of two people occupying one of the couches facing away from him in the living room they've just walked in to. A tiny girl with a bright orange bob, laughing and playfully shoving someone with a broad, muscular back and a shock of freshly dyed, bright red hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so excited to write this next chapter you don't even know. It might be up tonight if all goes well! Thank you all so much for your continued support. It's so overwhelming and I love you all.


	9. Drinking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one goes out to everybody that's dying of thirst. Sorry I've been leaving you so parched thus far. More was supposed to happen in this chapter, but I got so wrapped up in writing it that it was going to be way too long. So I guess that's another added to the infinite number of chapters it's going to take for me to finish this story. I sure do hope you like reading.  
> Enjoy, frens!

"Tyler?" Brendon raises an eyebrow at him, then follows Tyler's line of sight to the couch across the room. "Oh my God, is that him?!" he practically yells, dropping Ryan's hand and marching across the room. 

"Brendon, _no_ , stop!" Tyler tries, grabbing for Brendon's arm, but it's no use. He's at the couch before Tyler can protest any further. 

Tyler watches, panic rising his throat and constricting his lungs, as Brendon makes his way around to the front of the couch, a shit-eating grin on his face. "Hiiiii," he drawls, holding a hand out to Josh. "Josh, right? I'm Brendon, Tyler's best friend."

Josh stands up at this, and gives him a firm handshake. Tyler wishes he could shrink down into the carpet and flee the scene, but he instead he approaches from behind, hoping he can do some kind of damage control. 

"Hey!" he hears Josh's eager reply. "Tyler's talked a lot about you, it's great to finally meet you! Is he here?" Josh's head whips around and his eyes land on Tyler with a massive grin and a, "Hey, you!"

Tyler offers a quiet, "Hiya," knowing Brendon definitely isn't done. As if on cue, Brendon clears his throat and Josh turns back to him. 

"It's best for you to think of me as Tyler's dad," he smirks. "You have many tests to pass, and if you hurt him, I will shoot you. Don't think I'm kidding. I have a gun."

"He does," Tyler teases, feeling a sudden rush of love for his best friend and his overprotective ways. Josh lets out a nervous giggle. 

"Well, children, this is lovely and all, but there is most certainly a kitchen full of alcohol in this house and I am making it my mission to imbibe as much as is physically possible for a single human being while also avoiding the emergency room, so I'm afraid I must bid you adieu. Enjoy! Behave! Use protection!" He whirls out of the room with Ryan in tow, leaving Tyler blushing furiously and Josh laughing. 

Josh turns to him with a huge grin. "I love him!" he crows, and all the tightness in Tyler's chest releases immediately. 

"He's a freaking jerk. But yeah. Me too," he admits begrudgingly, smirking a little. 

"I didn't realise you'd be here!" Josh says, taking Tyler's hand and leading him back to the couch to sit beside Hayley. 

"No, neither did I," Tyler smirks in response. "Brendon decided we were coming earlier today. I figured I owed him one, but it suddenly doesn't seem so bad."

He sees the grin on Josh's face grow as he reaches for a long, hand rolled cigarette he must have left in the ashtray on the table to talk to Brendon. 

"Hey, Hayley!" Tyler chirps cheerily, realising he still hasn't even acknowledged her presence yet. "How are you feeling?" he asks with a sympathetic look. Her eyes are ringed with red and she doesn't look like she's been sleeping much. 

"Hi, Tyler. Oh, y'know, hanging in there," she sighs, and then turns to Josh. "Hey man, I hate to bring you here and then ditch, but I'm really not feeling it. I thought it'd be a good distraction, but I'm just really not in the partying mood. I'm sorry. Do you mind?" she gives him an apologetic smile and stands, Josh getting to his feet with her. 

"Of course not! Do you want me to walk you back?" he offers, and Tyler's heart sinks as he thinks of spending the rest of the night without him after only having seen him for a couple of minutes. 

"No, no, absolutely not!" she insists, physically pushing him back into his seat beside Tyler. "You stay here, have fun! Seriously, I'd only bring you down. You guys enjoy, I'll catch up with you later."

Josh looks torn as his eyes flick from her to Tyler and back again. "Are you sure?" he finally relents, and Tyler's heart takes up its place in his chest again. "You sure you're gonna be okay?"

"I'll be _fine_ , Josh! Honestly. Have fun, you two," she smiles at them and they chorus their goodbyes as she leaves. Tyler can't help but wonder if Brendon's presence and promise of drunkenness to come had anything to do with her decision. 

His attention is back on Josh as he hears the flick of his lighter, and with a sour smelling puff of smoke, Tyler realises that he isn't smoking tobacco. He's reminded of his expectations before he came to college, how he was looking forward to the halls being filled with brightly dyed hair, facial piercings and clouds of weed smoke. It seems Josh is everything he was looking for. Then Josh's hand extends towards Tyler, offering him the joint. 

Oh well, Tyler thinks to himself, when in Rome and when the Romans are absolutely gorgeous...

He takes the little white cone from Josh's outstretched fingers in his own, instantly feeling about ten times cooler with it in his hand, and then looks up at him. 

"Umm, Josh? I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing," he giggles, and Josh laughs with him. 

"Here," he offers, taking the joint back from Tyler's hands. "Just watch me."

Tyler stares, watching Josh's lips intently as he takes a deep drag on the joint, pulling it from his mouth and inhaling the air. He holds for a few beats, then breathes out a huge cloud of the smoke, a grin on his face, and passes it back to Tyler. 

Trembling a little with nerves, he takes it and mirrors Josh's actions. He pulls in a draw that burns his throat a little, making his eyes water, but it's nothing terrible, then takes a deep breath, just as Josh did. He holds his breath for a couple of seconds, thinking to himself that this really isn't that bad, then as he lets the breath out it catches in his throat and he doubles over in a coughing fit. 

Josh is laughing at him and he feels his cheeks turning bright red. Determined to save face, he carries out the steps again. A deep drag, a breath of air, hold, exhale. The same thing happens, he's coughing so hard this time he feels sure that a chunk of his lung will be brought up, and passes the joint back to Josh with a grimace. 

"Hey, kid. Don't sweat it, it happens to everyone the first time!" he smiles, catching his tongue in his teeth, and Tyler realises he feels funny. Good funny. 

"I feel funny," he articulates to Josh, who chuckles at him. "I feel all, all floaty and funny," he grins with a giggle, and Josh puts his hand around Tyler's shoulders to pull his body into him. 

"You are the cutest," he chuckles, taking another draw. 

"Nu-uh, you!" Tyler objects, then he gapes at the huge cloud of smoke Josh exhales. "You're like a dragon," he marvels, and Josh chuckles again. 

"Here, sit up a sec," he tells Tyler, moving forward a little on the couch, and Tyler obeys. "Breathe in when I tell you, okay?"

He nods, watching with a curious expression as Josh turns the joint the wrong way round, sticking the burning cherry of it into his mouth and closing his teeth around it carefully. He brings his lips closed around the paper and tugs Tyler closer, cupping his hands around his mouth. Motioning for Tyler to press his face against the other side of his cupped hands, he blows smoke out and then nods, and Tyler takes a deep breath until he can't inhale anymore. 

Josh removes the joint from his mouth, sitting back to watch his reaction. Tyler exhales slowly, aiming a narrow stream of smoke away from them, and then falls back into the couch laughing. Josh looks pleased. 

"Weed is awesome!" Tyler declares, and Josh chuckles as he wraps his arm around his shoulder again, pulling him back in. 

They lie there for a while, Josh continuing his joint and denying Tyler anymore, saying he should take it slow and that he doesn't want to be responsible for him throwing up. He entertains himself instead by laying his head down on Josh's chest and spreading his fingers out on his stomach, running them across his skin through his t-shirt. He appreciates the slow rise and fall of the chest under his head, the way he can hear Josh's heartbeat in his ear, the heat that always seems to be radiating off of him, how he can feel the bumps and ridges of Josh's abs, until Josh is stubbing his roach out in the ashtray and sitting up with him slowly. 

"Beer?" he offers with a smile, and Tyler nods. He isn't usually much of a drinker, but when in Rome and all that. 

**-**

The fifth beer had been a bad idea. Josh had watched in amusement for the past two hours as Tyler had grown steadily more intoxicated. His cheeks had flushed with inebriation, his words had started to slur around the edges and he had started to do a lot of things that just weren't very Tyler. 

First it had been standing up to sing along with a Celine Dion song in the middle of the crowded room, spinning around in circles and sending the flowery, flowing garment he had on billowing in circles around him. Next it was pulling Josh up from his spectator's seat to dance with him to Snoop Dogg's 'Drop It Like It's Hot'. The grinding of his hips against Josh's with the throbbing base line was all it had taken for him to push the nagging thought that maybe Tyler had had enough from his mind. 

It was after the fifth beer that Tyler seemed to lose control of his motor skills. He was falling down when he tried to move, his words slurred into one as he tried to talk, his eyes bloodshot to the point that the whites looked red. He was still smiling, but he was too far gone for Josh to be happy about it. 

"Josh, I think I need to lie down," he slurs into Josh's ear. 

The whole house is thumping with music so he knows he won't get the peace he needs here, besides, he knows what the beds get used for at parties like these. Most likely, Tyler's going to pass out as soon as he lies down. He needs to get him home. 

"Okay, c'mon Ty, let's get you back to your room," Josh coos into his ear, hauling him up from the sofa. 

Tyler goes limp as soon as he's on his feet and Josh has to wrap the boy's arm around his shoulder to support him as he leads him from the house. He feels a little guilty, having let him get into this state. He'd been selfish, thinking more of how amusing Tyler was with a little alcohol in him, rather than putting his well-being first. 

He stumbles a few times as they walk, Tyler's entire weight around his shoulders throwing off his balance a little, but the cold air seems to be sobering him up a little. After about five minutes of hauling him down the street, Tyler seems to have regained enough equilibrium to walk unaided. 

"You feeling any better?" Josh asks him, expecting a slurred response. Instead he finds himself shoved up against the wall of a 7/11 they're passing. 

Tyler's lips are smashing into his before he can even question it. His arms wrap around him, one hand sitting on Tyler's waist while the other goes to the back of his head, fingers threading in his hair as he deepens the kiss. Their tongues work together harmoniously, the taste of beer prevalent as they collide and swirl. Without thinking, Josh's hands move down to grab at his ass and pull him closer, earning him a moan from Tyler, and Josh would do anything to coax more of the sounds from him. 

Just then, a passing car honks at them and brings Josh back to his senses. 

"Ty, we can't. Not here. We're in the middle of the street," he laughs, pressing a kiss to Tyler's forehead before taking his hand and pulling him back onto their path. 

"Sorry," Tyler blushes with a smile. "Just, I've wanted to do that all night."

Josh looks back and grins at him, squeezing his hand as he leads the way back to his dorm building. As they walk, the weight on his hand grows heavier and heavier, Tyler is dragging his feet and letting out little sighs, and Josh picks up the pace a little bit.

"Joshie, I'm tiiiired," Tyler eventually groans. 

"Here, gimme your hands," he instructs, and Tyler holds them out. Turning around and crouching down a little in front of him, Josh takes a hand over each shoulder and yanks Tyler up onto his back, straightening up as Tyler wraps his legs around his waist. He bumps the boy up higher on his back, then continues walking. 

"Thank you," Tyler giggles into his ear, then nibbles the lobe. Josh has to hold in a moan. 

"Any time! Now let's get you into bed!" He practically jogs the rest of the way, Tyler clinging to his back even in the elevator on the way upstairs. 

He stands like this, Tyler on his back like a koala, while he waits for him to dig his key out of the pocket of his jeans. He finally finds it and hands it over to Josh, who lets them into the empty dorm room. Flicking on the light beside the door, he makes his way over to the bed on the left side of the room on Tyler's instructions, then unceremoniously dumps him down on the bed and throws himself down beside him. 

He goes to ask Tyler if he's okay, but finds Tyler's smiling face right next to his as he turns, and their lips meet once more. It's rushed and it's messy, but Tyler is letting out more of those blissful, breathy little moans between kisses and it's making Josh crazy. Out of nowhere, Tyler _mounts_ him, a knee on either side of Josh's legs as he presses their lips back together. Tyler takes Josh's bottom lip between his teeth and pulls back, making Josh groan out. At the noise, Tyler's hips jerk down and his ass grinds down into Josh. He was already beginning to grow hard just at the prospect of having Tyler on top of him, and the action rips another groan from his chest. 

His hips are relentless now, grinding down onto Josh's crotch in a rhythm as he kisses him, his hands both buried in Josh's hair and tugging gently as his lips move from his mouth, across his cheek and down to his neck. He sucks Josh's skin into his mouth, biting gently, dragging his teeth across it, then releasing it and covering the area with little kisses. Josh has been trying desperately to control himself, but he loses it for just a minute and bucks his hips up to meet Tyler's grinding. He watches as Tyler's head drops back and he lets out a long, loud moan, his working hips picking up their pace and his grinds becoming stronger. He has Josh rock hard, and he knows he needs to put a stop to this before it goes any further. 

"Tyler." The word comes out as a moan, and he gets a moan of his own name in return, sending a throb of desire through his length. This needs to stop _now_. 

"No, Tyler," Josh grabs the hips on top of him to halt their ceaseless gyrating. "We can't," he asserts. 

"Please, Josh," the desperation in Tyler's voice sends another throb through him, his grip on Tyler's hips loosening enough that he grinds down into him once more. 

" **No** , Ty," he insists, pushing the boy off of his lap and onto the bed beside him. The sad eyes and pouting lips that meet his actions break his heart a little and his dick _hates_ him right now, but he sticks to his guns. "You're drunk," he explains with a little kiss to Tyler's forehead. "If we're gonna do anything, I want us both to remember it. You should get some sleep, sweetheart."

"Nuh-uh!" comes Tyler's protesting voice. "I'm not even tired," he lies, a yawn right at that moment gives him away and Josh chuckles. 

"C'mon, it's bedtime," Josh smiles fondly at him, getting up off the bed and moving to the kitchen sink to fill a mug with water for him. He sets it down on Tyler's bedside table and crouches beside the bed. "You need to drink that before you fall asleep, okay?"

"Josh?" a tiny voice comes from Tyler as he stares at Josh with wide eyes. 

"What is it, babe?"

"Can you... Will you stay with me? I promise I'll be good," Tyler squeaks out, and Josh laughs at his words.

"Of course I will," he grins, standing up again to kick off his shoes. 

He moves to the door to flick the light off before making his way back over to the bed and tugging off his jeans. He tries to tell Tyler to do the same, but he's lying down now and just makes a vague, grunting noise, so Josh yanks them off for him, silently praising himself for keeping his hands off the the stunning boy now in his underwear and a t-shirt, floral kimono still wrapped around him. 

He pulls Tyler to sit up, taking off the wrap and placing the mug of water into his hands, ensuring he drinks it all before letting him lie back down. Josh takes the mug back over to the kitchen sink before pulling the sheets out from under Tyler, slinking into the bed beside him and tucking the covers in around him. 

"I'm really glad you were there tonight, Joshie," comes Tyler's quiet voice from the pillow next to him and Josh's heart swells at his use of the nickname. "Thanks for taking such good care of me."

Tyler shuffles back a little to press his back into Josh's chest and lets out a contented little sigh. Josh wraps his arms around his skinny frame in return and pulls him close.

"It was my pleasure, Ty," he whispers into Tyler's ear. It really was. He's never had more fun being responsible for a drunken person. 

He lies awake, listening to Tyler's deep, sleeping breaths and breathing in his scent from all around him, until he finally falls into a sleep filled with Tyler shaped dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting the next chapter straight away and it will be adorable so prepare your butts for that mess.


	10. Playing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is so long, oops.

Tyler wakes up to a loss of heat beside him and a pounding headache. 

"Heeeeyy, Sleepyhead," he hears Josh's soft voice from beside the bed and he smiles, vague flashes of the night before him coming back. 

He'd been on top of Josh. There had been a lot of grinding. He rolls around to bury his face in the pillow with an embarrassed groan. He'd been drinking, he'd _smoked weed_. His mother would be so disappointed in him, and that's not even counting the fact that he'd been dry humping a guy like it was going out of fashion. He cringes a little with the thought of what may have happened that he can't remember. 

"I'm sorry about last night," he speaks into the pillow, voice muffled. 

"Sorry? Why on Earth are you sorry?" Josh lets out an amused guffaw and continues, "I had a great time last night. I'm sorry I can't nurse you through your hangover, but I'm gonna be late to work if I don't leave right this second. It's a good job I was wearing all black last night!" he chuckles.

Tyler rolls his face around and peers out of one eye to see Josh pulling on his jeans. He curses himself for not getting a good look at him in his underwear while he could.

"D'you hafta go?" he croaks out as he lifts his head out of the pillow, wincing at the bright sunlight streaming through the window. "Couldn't you just stay and cuddle me all day instead?" 

"As tempting an offer as that is, and as much as I'd love to accept it, I 'hafta go'," he mimics, croaking out the last two words like Tyler had. "I'll see you after work though, right?"

Tyler had forgotten about this. Their date. He hadn't made any plans yet, no reservations, nothing. 

"Yisssss," he confirms with a smile, pulling himself up to sit in bed. "Wear something nice, okay?" He hears his words as they're spoken and stumbles over himself to correct them, "Not that you don't always wear something nice! I mean fancy," he gives a feeble smile and Josh returns it enthusiastically with a cocked eyebrow. 

"Fancy? What do you have planned mister?" he laughs, biting his tongue between his teeth. 

Nothing, yet, Tyler thinks to himself with a slight swell of panic in his chest. "You'll see," he muses cryptically, and Josh's smile grows. 

"I'm excited!" he beams, but the grin morphs into a scowl as he glances at his phone and sees the time. "Shit, Ty, I've really got to go right this second. I'll see you later, okay? Text me with the details later. I hope you don't feel too God awful, just drink lots of water."

Josh leans over to plant a kiss on Tyler's forehead, a sign of affection that he's beginning to adore, and gives him a smile and a wink before making his way out the door. After he leaves, Tyler acknowledges the fact that Brendon doesn't appear to have returned from the party last night, and he assumes his friend spent his night wherever Ryan did. He makes a mental note to ask about him later, then, deciding to give class a miss today, rolls over and goes back to sleep. 

*****

Tyler wakes a second time to the sound of the dorm room door slamming closed and Brendon throwing himself down onto the other bed with a yell. "I AM LITERALLY DYING!"

"Make it a coffin for two," Tyler adds, picking up his phone from the bedside table to find it's past midday already. He still has no plans for his date this evening. 

"So, what did you and loverboy get up to last night?" Brendon asks him with a sly smile, and Tyler can't help the grin that takes over his face. 

"You first!" he insists, recognising that however selfish Brendon may be sometimes, he always asks Tyler for the story. He always wants to know what's on his mind, always puts Tyler first and listens to his long winded rambles about Josh intently. It's his turn. 

"Well!" Brendon starts, and launches into a debauched tale of his tryst with the boy from his music class. 

His eyes twinkle as he talks about Ryan, sometimes in a little more detail than Tyler would prefer. For instance, he doesn't particularly want to hear Brendon's voice repeating "seven inches at least!" in his mind any time he meets the guy, but that looks to be the way it's going. 

After listening to his friend recount his tale of the previous evening, it's Tyler's turn to relay all the information he recalls, which isn't really a lot now that he talks about it. What he does tell his friend is enough to raise his eyebrows so high that they begin to disappear under the hair flopping down over his forehead. As he finishes his tale with the two of them cuddling all night, Brendon reels.

"This guy is a terrible influence on you!" he exclaims. "You're drinking, you're smoking weed, you're slutting it up in the dorm while I'm away, I **love** it! He's a keeper for sure," Tyler silently agrees with this statement. 

"Hey, don't shame me!" he giggles from his bed, pushing himself to sit up and rubbing his eyes.

"There is no shame in being a sinner, Tyler," Brendon grins wickedly and Tyler doesn't point out what an oxymoron that is. "Ugh, I'm such a proud parent right now," he continues. "My little baby's all grown up and making a drunken fool of himself, it's _wonderful_."

"We're going on a date tonight, though," Tyler informs him, worry seeping into the cracks of his voice. "I'm kind of freaking out. I have nothing planned."

"Well get on it!" Brendon chides, and Tyler drags himself out of bed to sit at his laptop. 

*****

After around an hour of discussion, Tyler finally decides on the restaurant he'd found yesterday, 'Zoe'. He likes the fact that it has a human name, that it was the first result for his childish Google search of "fancy restaurants in Athens, OH", that they boasted vegetarian options without even being asked. He'll go out for a fancy dinner and play grown ups. He even finds himself getting a little excited as he calls up to make reservations at 8. 

He wants to see Josh before then, though. He wants every second of his time he can get. His mind wanders to the forest on campus grounds, he still hasn't found the time to explore it, and the thought of doing so with Josh sends another wave of excitement through him. He grabs his phone to send him a text. 

Tyler: **Hey Jish, you wanna meet me at the edge of campus grounds by the forest after work?**

He doesn't even realise his mistake until Josh's reply comes through a minute later. 

Josh: **Jish?**

Tyler laughs at the error, trying the name out on his tongue. "Jeeeeeeeesh," he giggles, deciding he likes it. Brendon shoots a puzzled glance his way before turning back to the essay he's working on. He hadn't even attempted the 5,000 words Dr Hiles had set them yet, deciding a day of playing hooky was the perfect time to start. Tyler had made sure to send the professor his own essay in an e-mail, as well as a long winded apology and a detailed lie about a terrible stomach flu. 

Tyler: **Typo, my bad. So whaddya say, Jish?**

Josh's reply is almost instant this time.

Josh: **Haha sounds good I'll see you there.**

*****

By four thirty, the entire contents of Tyler's college wardrobe is laying on his bed and he's realising that he has _nothing_ fancy to wear. He doesn't really have any time left to fret over it though, he needs to head out to meet Josh from work. With an irate huff, he settles on a black button down with a floral print, tugging on his usual black skinny jeans. He pulls on a pair of bright red socks to add a little colour, before stepping into black vans and pulling on a black jacket that lies somewhere between casual and formal. 

It's going to have to do, because he doesn't have anything else. He glances in the mirror before he goes, combing his fingers through his hair to at least set it all in the same direction and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Then he's calling a hurried goodbye to Brendon who wishes him luck from his desk, still trying to work on his English essay, and he's out the door. 

The sun seems to have missed the memo that it's no longer summer, beaming down on him with enough intensity that he has to remove his jacket as he makes his way across the grounds. His heart keeps fluttering around in his chest as he thinks of Josh and of the prospect of spending an entire evening alone with him. Nerves wrack him with an occasional jitter, as he has absolutely no idea how he should conduct himself in an adult setting in a fancy restaurant, but he guesses he'll have to burn that bridge when he gets to it, because he's approaching the edge of the campus grounds and he sees Josh waiting there for him already with a huge grin. 

"Hiiiieeee," he hears Josh bellow from a hundred yards away, waving his arm above his head in a dramatic gesture. Tyler can see his beaming smile from here and it feels like his heart is soaring. 

"Hi," Tyler replies with a smile when he's within reasonable talking distance, and Josh pulls him in for a hug, accompanied by a gentle kiss to Tyler's forehead. 

"How are you feeling now?" Josh asks, pulling back from the hug and giving him a look of concern. 

"I felt like satan's gooch earlier today, but I've recovered, thanks. How was work?" Tyler replies, realising Josh is in the same clothes he wore last night. 

"Uneventful and much too long. Sorry, I know I'm meant to be wearing something fancy," he notices Tyler taking in his outfit, "I'm gonna swing by mine to change into something more appropriate before we go, but I wanted to meet you out of work."

The sentence almost makes Tyler squeal, but he holds back, instead pressing a chaste kiss to Josh's lips and taking his hand. "You look amazing. You always look amazing," he gushes, and guides Josh towards the cluster of trees at the sidelines of the campus grounds. 

"Are you taking me into the woods to murder me?" Josh jokes, following him. 

"Nah, I'm taking you in here to ravage you," Tyler giggles in response, only half teasing. 

Up close, the forest is both dense and spacious. The tree cover is tall and wide, barely-there peeks of sunlight make their way through the canopy of rustling leaves overhead, just beginning to crisp up and turn all the reds and browns of the impending Fall. The earth beneath their feet sponges and sinks with each step, crunching leaves and snapping sticks echoing about them as they move further into the forest.

"So where are we going?" Josh pipes up from behind him, and Tyler slows so they can walk side by side. 

"I have no clue, honestly. I've wanted to explore this place since I got here and I haven't had the time yet. I thought you'd be a good exploring partner for my expedition," Tyler provides, hoping he didn't come off as childish as he sounded to himself. 

"Forest adventure, sick!" Josh grins at him, and Tyler can't detect a hint of sarcasm in his voice. 

"I wanna find a waterfall!" Tyler exclaims, any and all worry of sounding childish gone as excitement overtakes him. "I heard water back there so there's gotta be a river in here somewhere."

Josh ponders this for a second, before taking Tyler's hand and steering him to the left. "If you wanna find a waterfall, we should head downhill. That'll be the way the water's running!" 

Tyler's smile is painfully huge as he stares back at Josh, lost for words. Josh simply smiles back, completely unaware of how much this means to him. To have someone accept his childish games at face value so sincerely, not a tut or a "grow up", not even a rolling of the eyes. To have someone who hears that Tyler wants to find a waterfall and immediately tries to help him find his God damn waterfall, the moment overwhelms him enough to make him want to cry. Josh is more than he could ever have asked for, and now that he has him he doesn't think he could possibly cope without him. 

Rather than voicing any of this, he simply grips Josh's hand harder and follows his lead. They hear the water again, and Josh breaks into a run at the sound, tugging Tyler along with him and both of them breaking into laughter. They then decide to split up and walk with a good few feet between them, covering more ground that way. 

Josh is around twenty feet away when Tyler hears him calling out and looks over. He's crouching over to stare intently at a plant, and Tyler approaches with a puzzled expression. 

"Hey, Ty, come check out this bug!" he shouts, and the look of wonder on is face is enough to send excitement coursing through him as he rushes over to inspect whatever insect he's about to be presented with. 

As he draws near, Josh points to a beetle a little bigger than a quarter perched on a green leaf and Tyler leans in closer to get a better look. Its exoskeleton and wing casings almost look multi-chrome in the scattered light through the trees. The sheen is like petrol, its head shining a bright, emerald green while its body takes on a copper hue. Its wings poke out from under their casings ever so slightly, showing dashes of white that stand out vibrantly from the black they break up on the rest of its wings. 

"Woah, he's incredible!" Tyler huffs out in awe.

"Isn't he?" Josh grins to him, then stands up straight. "Anyway, I hear the water getting louder over here, c'mon!" He takes Tyler's hand again, tearing him away from marvelling at the bug. 

With a grin, Tyler starts dashing in the direction Josh pointed, running flat out and taking Josh with him. Occasionally, they stumble over tree roots or fallen branches, until they come to an abrupt stop to see a small but steady stream of water dropping from a height of about a foot onto some rocks below. 

Josh bursts out laughing, doubling over before he regains his composure. "Oh, Ty, I'm so sorry," he giggles, squeezing his hand. "I'll take you to find a better one, I promise. I'll take you to see Niagara Falls!" he offers, grinning, but Tyler just shakes his head. 

"It's perfect," he smiles, taking in their surroundings before turning back to face Josh. "It's _ours_. I don't want Niagara Falls, I want this."

Before Josh can comment on how cheesy that was, Tyler wraps his arms around Josh's neck and kisses him. It lacks the fervour that all their other kisses have been built upon. It's slow and it's romantic, all tongues swirling around one another and hands held together, and Josh picking him up off his feet with his arms around Tyler's waist to twirl him around in a circle, not once breaking the kiss. 

Tyler could stay there with him forever, frozen in that moment for eternity, but less and less sunlight is making its way through the leaves and Josh still has to get dressed. 

*****

They're in Josh's car for 7pm, and Tyler is starting to feel a little anxious about how little time they have before they need to be at the restaurant, but when Josh's hand leaves the steering wheel to rest on his thigh as he drives, any worry melts away. He's with Josh and really, that's the only thing that could possibly matter. 

They pull up outside his apartment building and Josh asks if Tyler wants to come in to "meet the kids" while he gets dressed. The idea of getting to see more of Josh, see where he spends his time, is enough to have Tyler unbuckling his seatbelt. The kittens are just an added bonus. 

Inside, Josh's apartment is small, but it's perfect. Josh rushes off to his bedroom promising not to take long and Tyler is left to explore. There's a smattering of mess about the place that makes Tyler smirk, and posters decorate the walls for all sorts of films and bands, some that he knows and some that he hopes Josh will introduce him to some day. He wants to know every part of him, wants Josh to show and tell him everything bit by bit. A huge TV sits in the corner of the room, shelves stacked with games, but no Xbox or PlayStation is in sight, instead the shelves under the television house a NES, a SNES and a Nintendo 64. Tyler beams at the discovery, the consoles of his childhood calling to him. He scans over all the games stacked on the shelves around them, many that he recognises and has played himself. He adds 'countless games and tournaments on each of his game systems' to his mental Josh wish list and turns to continue his exploration. 

His eyes fall on the couch and he lets out a little squeal. The kittens are curled up on a cushion each and Tyler slots himself between them, giving them a hand each to tickle them both under their chins and behind their ears. After a few minutes of petting and purrs, Josh emerges again from his bedroom and Tyler stops in his tracks. 

He's put on a crisp, white shirt with black buttons down the front and a skinny, black tie that both look unbelievably good on him, but it's the smart, blue blazer he wears over them that takes Tyler's breath away. He's opted for a pair of black skinny jeans with rips at the knees, the outfit pairing casual in a way that still makes Tyler feel underdressed. He isn't sure how Josh managed to scrub up so well in the fifteen minutes they've been in the apartment, but all he's achieved by getting dressed is to make Tyler want to undress him immediately. 

"You ready to go?" Josh smiles and Tyler nods from the couch. 

"You look unbelievably good right now," he utters as he stands and Josh grins at him. 

"Thank you. You look unbelievably good all the time," he chuckles, and he grabs Tyler's hand to lead him back out the door. 

*****

Josh is driving them on Tyler's instructions from the GPS on his phone, Tyler feeling a little antsy once again given that they only have ten minutes left to get there. They drive past an open air fairground, bright, rainbow lights flashing out into the dark of the crisp night. Josh is indicating, then he pulls in at the side of the road and Tyler looks up, curious as to why they've stopped. Josh has a mischievous smirk on his face as he glances from Tyler, out the window to the glowing, neon lights, then back to Tyler. 

"...Josh," Tyler starts, but Josh interrupts him. 

"Wait, just hear me out!" his expression has turned to one of pleading, and Tyler relents. 

"Okay, shoot," he sighs with a smirk, running a hand through his hair as he awaits Josh's campaign impatiently. They're already running late for their 8pm reservations as it is.

There are a few seconds of silence before Josh replies, "Okay, so I don't exactly have a good excuse, but it's a _carnival_ , Ty! C'mon! Instead of sitting in some stuffy restaurant all night. Let's go have some fun!"

He's practically bouncing up and down in the car seat with his words as he speaks them. The boyish grin on his face and the light in his eyes at the idea of rides and games is doing something funny to Tyler's chest. 

"You're not exactly dressed for corn dogs and roller coasters, Josh," Tyler points out, snickering as he gestures to Josh's attire. 

"Not an issue!" Josh grins again, whipping off his tie and unbuttoning his shirt to reveal a white tank top underneath. He's still smiling as he shrugs off the shirt and jacket he was wearing, reaching into the backseat and producing a red and black plaid, flannel shirt. Tyler's laughing as he pulls the shirt on. 

"Alright, alright! Lead the way, Jishwa!"

Josh grins so big Tyler's sure it must hurt, and after leaning in to give Tyler a kiss, he's jumping out of the car and swinging the door shut. Honestly, Tyler's glad they're here instead. He'd been so anxious about dinner, about conversation topics and dining etiquette, about other people's thoughts. They would have been playing grownups all night. It would be much more fun to play kids instead. 

"Ty, you coming?" Josh's voice jostles him from his thoughts, and Tyler realises he's made his way around the car and is holding open the door for him. 

He's rolling up on the balls of his feet and back down again, clearly impatient to leave. Tyler unclips his seatbelt and gets out of the car, smiling, pressing a kiss to Josh's lips and closing the door behind him. He has a feeling he's going to see a lot of Josh acting about 6 years old tonight, and he really doesn't mind. In fact, it's downright adorable. 

Josh grabs Tyler's hand and practically drags him across the street to the funfair, locking the car over his shoulder as they walk. They approach a booth with a big, neon sign above it saying 'TICKETS', and Tyler goes to grab his wallet from his pocket, but Josh won't let him. 

"No, no! My idea, my treat," he insists, letting go of Tyler's hand. "You wait here, baby. I'll be right back," he kisses Tyler's forehead before walking up to the booth. 

Tyler's cheeks flush a little at the pet name as he watches Josh talk to the ticket girl. The grin hasn't left Josh's face since the car, nor has the strange, burning feeling it's stirring up in Tyler's chest. Before he even has time to register the thought, Josh is back. 

"Dude, these tickets mean we can go on **every single ride**! As many times as we want, Ty! How sick is that?!" Josh's face shows nothing but pure excitement and joy, and he's bouncing on the balls of his feet again. 

"Pretty sick tickets, Jish," Tyler humours him, then giggles to himself. "Heh, 'sickets'"

Josh lets out a great big belly laugh at this, nose scrunching up and eyes crinkling at the corners, and Tyler's heart feels like it could burst. 

"C'mon, let's go!" Josh shouts, and Tyler lets himself be dragged along by the hand behind the bouncing, red haired boy. "What are we gonna go on first?"

Tyler immediately points straight ahead, to the bumper cars he's just spotted, with a devilish smile. 

"Fight me!" he shouts, letting go of Josh's hand to tear off towards them, letting Josh catch up. 

Before long, they're racing around an area filled mostly with young kids and a few parents doing leisurely laps around the designated floor space, with the occasional, gentle bump. 

Tyler and Josh aren't here for that. They've turned the centre of the floor into their own personal death arena and are circling one another in their cars. 

"You're going down, Ty," Josh goads, the grin still plastered across his face. 

Tyler leans a little closer, voice lowered, and replies, "Maybe later, babe. Right now, I'm about to give you bumper car whiplash."

For a second, shock takes over Josh's face at Tyler's words, but with a shout of laughter he slams down the accelerator and closes the gap between them, jolting Tyler's car across the floor, and they're off. 

They tear after one another, chasing and crashing. Tyler squeals any time Josh is on his tail, both of them laughing until tears run down their cheeks. Josh decides to slam his foot down and crash into Tyler at full speed from about six meters away, not expecting the deafening crack that sounds through the area as the cars connected, nor expecting to send Tyler's car careening into the mental boundary of the ride with another loud crack. 

"Oh, shit!" Josh cackles, abandoning his car and running over to grab Tyler's hand and yank him from his own. He drags him out, across the floor and runs away from the ride, still in fits of laughter. 

"You definitely broke my car," Tyler giggles. "On both sides!" 

Josh's laughter dies down a little and he looks somewhat guilty. "If I ever get to the point where I have lots of money, I'll buy 'em a new one!" he grins, sticking his tongue out between his teeth, and Tyler can't help but to grin back. 

"I'll hold you to that! So what's up next? Your turn to pick," Tyler asks. 

Josh points, just as Tyler did and with the same devilish smile, to the roller coaster at the back of the park. 

Tyler lets out a breathy "Hooo, boy," at the sight of the coaster's twists and turns and loop-de-loops, anxiety swooping through his stomach at the mere thought of riding the metal death trap, but he shoves the feeling down with what he hopes resembles a sincere smile and nods. For Josh. 

"Are you sure?" Josh asks, eyebrows raised, and Tyler figures his smile didn't seem all that sincere. "If you don't wanna, we can totally skip it, no big deal. We could always..." he trails off as Tyler raises a finger to Josh's lips and then plants a kiss there. 

"Let's go, Jishwa!" Tyler shouts, squeezing the hand Josh still has in his and surprising himself a little as he leads the way. "Don't you dare let go of my hand, though," he adds with another squeeze and a scared smile. 

**-**

Josh is having the time of his life, and he couldn't imagine better company. After bumper cars, _two_ trips around the roller coaster, and a turn each in a circular ride that spun them around so fast they were pressed against the walls with centrifugal force, a ride that spun around in circles with two person cars that spun around in their own, separate circles, and one that took them up so high they could see Tyler's dorm building before dropping them suddenly back down to the ground repeatedly, Tyler looks a little queasy and Josh decides they should pass on the little car attached to a huge arm that would spin them around and upside down in gargantuan circles. 

He can tell that Tyler has had his fill of the thrilling carnival rides Josh adores, he's already explained that he never got to go to funfairs as a kid and so it doesn't hold the same nostalgia for him as it does for Josh, but he's been a total trooper. He's agreed to every ride, even agreeing to ride the roller coaster again immediately after they got off, and he hasn't complained once. Josh figures it's time to do something for Tyler. 

"One more ride?" Josh asks him, and he can see the look in Tyler's eyes even as he smiles and nods that says he's ready to call it a night already. 

With a grateful squeeze of his hand, Josh leads him over to the Ferris wheel and sees Tyler's eyes light up again. 

"This is a little more my speed," Tyler giggles and Josh gives a chuckle. 

"I thought it might have been," he grins, showing their tickets to the ride attendant and sliding in to take their seats. 

His heart hammers in his chest with nerves, not at the prospect of riding the Ferris wheel, but at the idea of what he's going to do at the top. It's stupid and childish and he feels like he's fifteen again, but he can't help it. Something about Tyler just makes him go all mushy and fluttery and he really doesn't mind.

They sit in the carriage for a minute or two, although to Josh it feels like an eternity, as Tyler gently rocks their seat back and forth, and then finally the ride takes off. The slow rise to the top gives them a beautiful view of the streetlights, the forest they were in earlier this evening, of all of Athens sprawling out beneath them, and he hears Tyler give a breathy, "Woah," from beside him. 

They stop momentarily at the top, the most romantic place in the whole park, and his heart is pounding so hard he can hear it in his ears. This is it, Josh thinks to himself, feeling more teenaged than he ever did in his teens, it's now or never. 

He looks to the boy sitting beside him, awe on his face as he gazes out at the sprawling city below them, and covers his hand resting on the bar before them with his own, taking a deep breath. 

"Hey, Ty," he murmurs, leaning in close to Tyler's ear, "do you wanna be my boyfriend?"

He feels his cheeks flush bright red with the words as Tyler turns his head to face him, and without an answer he mashes his lips into Josh's. Their mouths immediately start the dance they're becoming so familiar with, both parting their lips at the same time to tangle their tongues together, more feeling behind it than ever before. Tyler's hands are in his hair again, and the kiss deepens as he lets a breathy moan out into Josh's mouth. They kiss until the ride has come to a stop and the attendant is clearing his throat from beside them to let them know it's time to get off. 

Tyler is the first to pull away, and he grabs Josh's hand with a giggle to pull him out of the chair and away from the Ferris wheel. 

"So, is that a yes?" he grins as they walk towards the exit. 

"Of _course_ it's a yes, stoopid!" Tyler squeals, turning on him with giddy energy to pull Josh into another kiss. He pecks a little trail from Josh's lips to his ear, and whispers, "Now, if you want to take me home, I believe I promised to go down on you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't kill me for that ending.  
> Or do. I totally deserve it.


	11. Calling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
> 
> This is pretty much just 2,346 words of sin. Sorry that it's a little shorter, but I'm gonna get to work on the next chapter now so it should be up tonight. 
> 
> Also, sorry this took so long to post, my sleep schedule is totally whack. Enjoy.

Tyler has been shocking himself all night. He's been going on every ride Josh suggests, even going on that horrible, screaming, metal death trap _twice_ at Josh's request. He's more daring, braver, when he's around Josh. He finds a courage he didn't even know he had when they're together. 

He's also been particularly flirtatious. 

At first, it was all teasing, but now he's getting ready to make good on his offer and he feels like he might explode. Anxious thoughts swirl around his mind, because he really has absolutely no idea what he's doing. He's never been in a situation even comparable to this before, he hasn't even properly _kissed_ anyone before Josh. What if Josh thinks he's terrible? What if he's so terrible that Josh decides he doesn't want to be with him anymore? What if he messes everything up, just like he always does?

Once again, Josh places his hand on Tyler's thigh from the driver's seat as he drives them away from the fair, and once again it makes all his worries melt away, like ice in the blast of a blow dryer. Tyler watches as Josh sings along to a song on the radio, occasionally drumming on the steering wheel with his hand, and he gets that funny feeling in his heart again. Like it's on fire. 

He had taken Josh's hand and practically dragged him back to the car once they'd gotten off the Ferris wheel, riding on a high from the question Josh had asked him at the top. "Do you wanna be my boyfriend?" He has a boyfriend. 

_Josh is his boyfriend_. 

His heart pounds in his chest as he thinks the words to himself. Josh is his boyfriend, and now they're going back to Tyler's dorm room so that he can have his first ever sexual experience. The thought of it, of what they're about to do, makes his heart thump against his rib cage even harder. Josh keeps looking over at him, giving his thigh little squeezes, and honestly Tyler considers leaning across the centre console and unbuttoning his pants right there and then as he drives towards the university campus. But chasing Josh's orgasm isn't worth them both dying.

Is it not? His brain asks, but no. They can make it back to the dorm, at least. Suddenly, Tyler's thoughts move to Brendon. What if he's in the room? Nothing ruins a moment like Brendon Urie... The most effective form of contraception there is. He decides to send him a quick text before they get back, just to be sure. 

Tyler: **BRENDON I HAVE A BOYFRIEND**

Even just typing the words makes his heart pound. He doesn't think he'll ever get used to them. Brendon only takes a few seconds to reply. 

Brendon: **FUCK MY ASS WHAT**

Tyler snorts with laughter as he reads Brendon's words and Josh looks over at him with a smile, but he decides not to divulge the text that's making him laugh. Instead, he taps out a few messages in quick succession, replies coming through almost right away. 

Tyler: **I'LL TELL YOU EVERYTHING WHEN I SEE YOU OBVIOUSLY. ARE YOU IN THE DORM ROOM?**

Brendon: **NO SHOULD I BE**

Tyler: **NO, BRENDON. DO. NOT. COME. HOME.**

Brendon: **FUCK MY AAAASSSSSSSSSSSSS**

Brendon: **or rather FUCK YOUR AAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSS**

Brendon: **USE PROTECTION**

Brendon: **I MEAN IT THIS TIME**

Tyler can't help but cackle at his friend's texts. Josh is looking at him curiously, and all Tyler has to say is, "Brendon," for Josh to smirk with an understanding nod. 

They drive for another five minutes, the hand Josh has on Tyler's thigh causing heat to radiate through his entire body, making the car feel much too warm. His heart hasn't stopped its frantic and erratic pounding from the moment he whispered those words in Josh's ear. As they finally pull up outside Tyler's dorm building, he doesn't even wait for Josh to turn off the ignition before taking off his seatbelt, throwing himself out of the car and slamming the door behind him. He makes his way to the driver's side to grab Josh's hand, drag him out, fling the car door shut. 

Josh is chuckling as Tyler tugs him by the hand up the steps, into the foyer, and jabs the elevator button repeatedly with his finger. 

"Calm down," Josh utters from behind him, wrapping his arms around Tyler's waist. 

But he can't. Anticipation and nerves are swirling around inside him, filling him from head to toe. He can't calm down because he _needs_ to do this, he needs to do it now before he can talk himself out of it. 

The elevator doors finally open and Tyler pushes Josh inside, hurriedly jamming the button for the third floor, then pressing Josh up against the mirrored wall to kiss and bite at his neck as the doors close behind them and it jerks into movement. He's never wanted anything more than he wants Josh right this second. He's never felt this way about a person before, not even close. He's sucking a hickey onto Josh's neck as the elevator dings and the doors slide open, and he doesn't pause even for a second. 

Grabbing Josh's hand in one of his and using the other to dig his key out of the pocket of his jeans, he hauls him over to the door. A brief fumble with the key in the lock and the door is open. They're here. This is it. 

Not wanting to get lost in anxious thoughts again, Tyler doesn't even give himself a chance to think, doesn't even turn on the light. He shoves Josh back against the door as soon as it closes and launches his attack on the expanse of pale skin at his neck once more. His lips cover the purple mark he left there in the elevator, sucking and licking and lavishing it with little kisses as his hands move under the hem of Josh's shirt. Tyler's fingers skim across his stomach, then move down to begin unbuckling Josh's belt. 

Before he can go any further, Josh puts his hands on Tyler's shoulders and pushes him back a little so their eyes can meet. Out of breath and a blush colouring his cheeks as he asks, "Are you sure?"

Rather than answering, Tyler simply drops to his knees and finally unbuckles the clasp on Josh's belt. He tears at the buttons of his jeans and yanks them down to his knees. The contents of Josh's pockets spill out onto the floor, but neither of them take any notice. Tyler is too busy mouthing at the bulge of Josh's rock hard length through the fabric of his boxers, and Josh is too busy throwing his head back against the door and groaning out at the contact. 

A shrill ring from Josh's phone on the floor beside him distracts Tyler for a second. 

"Shit, just ignore it," Josh pants out from above him. 

But Tyler sees the caller ID flashing on the screen and, with a wicked smirk, gets an idea.

"It's your mom calling. You should answer it," Tyler urges, passing him the cell phone. 

**-**

"H-hello?" Josh stammers into the phone. 

His mother's warm voice greets him and asks him how he's doing. 

"I-I'm great, mom, how are you?" he lies. Because he's not great. Tyler's mouth has picked up where it left off, tracing the outline of his cock through his boxers. 

He listens to his mother telling a story about, well, he couldn't tell you what it was about if you paid him, because Tyler has hooked his fingers under the waistband of his underwear and yanked them down to his knees to meet his jeans. Josh hears him let out a little gasp as his dick bounces free of its confines and he looks down at him with pleading eyes. 

He can't. Not while Josh is on the phone to his _mother_. 

Apparently, he can. Josh lets out a hiss as Tyler wraps a hand around the base of his cock and slowly squeezes up his length and back down. He tries to cover up the sound with a, "Yeah, mhm," to his mom as he shakes his head and mouths, "No, please," to Tyler. 

Tyler doesn't listen. 

He tries to focus on what his mother is saying. He really does. But it's so hard, because Tyler's wet, pink tongue is poking out from his mouth to twirl in agonisingly delicate and slow circles around the head of his cock. He dips the tip of his tongue into Josh's slit and Josh has to hold the phone at arm's length and cover the receiver so his poor mother won't hear the groan of, "Fuuuuuck," that slips from her son's mouth. 

"Yeah, mom, that sounds great!" he huffs into the phone when he brings it back to his ear and realises she's stopped talking. 

"Great! So I'll see you on Wednesday, then?" she cheers, and Josh has no idea what he's just agreed to, but Tyler is wrapping his lips all the way around his head now, and he needs this phone call to end. 

"Yup, I'll see you then, gotta go, bye!" he jumbles out in one breath, trailing off into a groan as he hangs up his phone and throws it across the room. 

Tyler pulls off of Josh's head with a 'pop' and grins up at him. 

"You little shit!" Josh starts, but whatever else he was about to say is lost to another groan as Tyler takes him back into his mouth. 

He's staring up into Josh's eyes as he takes him down and keeps going. Josh stares back, wide eyed, as inch after inch disappears into his mouth, until he feels the head of his cock hit off the back of his throat and Tyler _gags_ around him. Josh's head falls back against the door in ecstasy once again. 

Tyler doesn't stop, though, doesn't pull away. Instead he uses it to judge just how far he can take Josh down, and starts to thrust his head back and forth. He slurps and sucks, tracing little patterns with his tongue along the underside of his cock, letting out little moans that send vibrations through him and occasionally going just a little too far or too fast and gagging again. 

Josh's stream of groans and gasps is steady and constant, hands tangled in Tyler's hair and head thrown back against the door. He looks down to see that Tyler's eyes haven't moved from staring up at his face this whole time, and it sends a throb through his dick. 

He's trying his best to keep his hips still, but then Tyler's hands come up to cover Josh's where they're tangled in his hair and he forces Josh's hands to push his head back and forth with a moan, a pleading look in his eyes. 

He wants Josh to take control. 

"Are you sure?" Josh asks again, and Tyler grips Josh's hands harder, making them push his head back and forth once more with another groan, before moving his own hands to Josh's hips. 

"Fuck," is all Josh can manage, as he grips Tyler's hair a little harder and slowly pushes his head forwards, then pulls it back again, watching his length disappear and reappear between his pink lips. The long, tortured moan Tyler lets out around his cock makes Josh's hips buck forward of their own accord, and Tyler practically squeals at the action. 

"Fuuuuuck," Josh lets out again. At this point, it could be the only word in his vocabulary. 

He loses the control he's been so desperately clinging onto this whole time, and lets his hips fuck Tyler's mouth, pulling his head back and forth and feeling the tremors of Tyler's moans course through him. 

It takes about sixty seconds of this, and a few more gags from Tyler, before he's coming undone. Josh feels a tightening in his stomach and his movements become erratic, hips stuttering as they keep bucking forward into Tyler's mouth. 

"Shit. Fuck. Tyler, I'm gonna come," he manages, eyes rolling back in his head, hips still jerking but letting go of Tyler's head so that he can move away. 

Tyler doesn't move. He sucks every drop of come from Josh's dick and swallows it. He lets Josh ride out his climax before he pulls away. Smiling up at him, Tyler licks his lips, and Josh's exhausted length gives a feeble twitch at the sight. 

Spent, Josh slides down the door with his back to land on the floor next to Tyler, and he pulls him in for a long, breathless kiss. He can taste himself on Tyler's tongue, and there's something so outrageously hot about that. 

"That... That was fucking incredible," Josh whispers when they finally pull apart to take a breath. "Where did you learn to do that?!"

"Just now, I guess," Tyler giggles, pressing another kiss to Josh's lips. "C'mon, let's go lay down. The floor really isn't the comfiest spot in the room."

Tyler gets to his feet and holds out a hand to help Josh up, and he stands with a slight wobble, pulling up his underwear but kicking off his shoes and stepping out of his jeans, leaving them by the door. They make their way over to Tyler's bed and Josh throws himself down to lie on his back, Tyler kicking off his own shoes and clambering onto the bed to slot himself around Josh's body. Josh can't help but think that they fit together like puzzle pieces, his arm around Tyler's shoulders and Tyler's head on his chest, hand creeping up under the hem of Josh's shirt to trace his fingertips across the muscles of his stomach. Then something occurs to Josh. 

"But what about you?" he lifts his head up from the pillow to look down at Tyler on his chest. His eyes are closed, long eyelashes casting shadows across his cheeks in the moonlight from the window. 

"Nah, I'm fine. I got everything I needed," Tyler replies, not even opening his eyes. "It's my turn next time," he adds with a hum. 

There's a contented little smile on his red, swollen lips, and Josh doesn't think he's ever seen anything more beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm definitely going to hell for this. 
> 
> I am so, so sorry, Mrs Dun.


	12. Struggling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is _ridiculously_ long and I'm really sorry about that, but I didn't want to split it up into two and we needed time to progress a little without me spending another 30k words on it. It gets a little heavy, but then it gets so lovely towards the end so it's all worth it. 
> 
> If you're sensitive to discussion of anxiety and depression and the way it makes you feel, proceed with caution. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, frens.
> 
> Just as I post this I've reached 1k hits, and it's only been four days. You don't know how much this means to me. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart ❤️

Tyler doesn't sleep. Even though he's truly exhausted, even though he's as comfortable as he could possibly get right now, even though he can hear Josh's deep breaths in his sleep like a lullaby under his head, he forces himself to stay awake. He doesn't ever, ever want this moment to end. He finds himself thinking that a lot with Josh, that he wishes he could keep the moments they share together frozen and just stay in them forever. 

He thinks to the future. It's insane, he's only known Josh for a week now, but he's already imagining their life together. What would it be like to live with Josh? For them to spend every moment of their time together. Even just the thought of curling up together on the sofa to watch some TV, or of Josh's arms wrapping around him from behind as Tyler stands at the stove making them dinner. 

It's crazy. Tyler knows it's crazy. The voice in his head is telling him how clingy he is, how needy he is, how quickly Josh would run from him if he knew the thoughts that were waltzing around his head, but he can't help it. There's just... Just _something_. Something about Josh, about the way he looks at Tyler, the way he looks after him, how sweet and caring he is. Tyler feels the burning sensation in his chest again, the fluttering of his heart that's become commonplace when Josh is around him, and wonders if this is what love feels like. 

He's torn from his thoughts by the door being flung open violently. 

Brendon stumbles into the room, positively screaming, "TELL. ME. **EVERYTHING** ," and flicking on the bedroom light. 

Josh sits up in confusion and shock, rubbing his eyes, and Brendon's eyes go wide as he surveys the scene. He stares at the two of them in bed, Josh still in his underwear, jeans and pocket contents strewn across the floor. 

"Oh, shit! He's still here?!" he has a huge grin on his face, and Tyler glares at him. 

"He _was_ sleeping. Up until you thundered in," Tyler mutters darkly. 

"Nah, I should go," comes Josh's croaky voice from beside him, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "My boss is totally screwing me this week, I'm back in tomorrow morning at 9am."

"Looks like your boss isn't the only one screwing you," Brendon weighs in. Tyler blushes crimson and throws a pillow at him, but he continues undeterred, "Don't forget your pants!"

Brendon picks the jeans up off the floor and throws them to Josh, who mutters a, "Thanks," as he pulls them on and buttons them up. 

Tyler turns to Josh now, unable to hide the disappointment on his face. "People buy records at 9am on a Saturday?" 

"You'd be surprised," Josh replies, standing up from the bed now and stretching. 

Tyler's eyes flick down to see his shirt riding up as Josh holds his arms up above his head, the v of his hips disappearing into the waistband of his boxers, and he misses him already. 

"Well they're jerks!" he whines, trying his best to ignore the voice in his head chanting 'needy needy needy'.

"Tell me about it," Josh chuckles, gathering his belongings from the floor by the door and making his way back over to crouch beside the bed next to Tyler. His voice is low as he speaks to him, "I'll see you soon, okay? I had such a great time tonight."

"Yeah, me too," Tyler smiles, feeling heat in his cheeks as he blushes again. 

"Oh, by the way. I'm, uh, I'm pretty sure I agreed to go see my mom this week. I'll have to, um, double check the details. I'll let you know, okay?" the huge grin and slight blush on Josh's face ignites the fire in Tyler's chest again as he remembers the phone conversation. 

Tyler nods with a smile and Josh closes the distance between them to peck a kiss on his lips, and then he goes, leaving Tyler feeling suddenly empty. It's as if Josh took a piece of him with him when he left. He turns to see Brendon still grinning at him, and gives him a scowl. 

"Well?!" Brendon shouts, and Tyler wants to keep him waiting, a punishment for taking Josh away from him too soon. 

"I'm not saying I hate you, but I'd unplug your life support to charge my phone," he quips.

"Yeah, to see if Josh had text you!" Brendon shoots back in a singsong voice, and Tyler can't help the smile that takes over his face. "So, what happened?!"

Tyler laughs, knowing he isn't able to hold back from talking about Josh for very long. He tells Brendon about the forest, about skipping dinner to go to the fairground instead. He skirts around the, "You're going down," comments, because those feel intimate. As much as he loves telling Brendon everything, some parts are his and Josh's to keep, and he likes it that way. As he comes to the part of the story that takes place on the Ferris wheel, Brendon pretends to retch. 

"At the top of the Ferris wheel?! He is literally twelve! You two are perfect for one another," he rolls his eyes. 

Tyler knows Brendon is teasing him, but he can't help the huge grin that plasters his face. He decides not to mention how much he agrees with that last comment. 

"So where have you been?" Tyler asks, but Brendon shakes his head. 

"No, no, no, we're not done with you! What happened here?" he gestures to Tyler's bed, but Tyler just smiles. 

"I don't kiss and tell. Well, yes I do, but I don't go further than kissing and tell," he chimes smugly. 

"Oh my God, did you guys _fuck_?!" Brendon's eyes are huge with the question. 

"What?! No! I've only known him for a week!" Tyler protests, but Brendon just shrugs. 

"I haven't even known Ryan for a week yet," he smirks as he moves to his set of drawers to get changed for bed. 

"Oh my God, did _you guys_ fuck?!" he counters, and Brendon rounds on him, obviously bursting to tell Tyler everything. And with Brendon, everything means _everything_. 

"Well!" he begins, and Tyler listens intently to every terrible detail, the two of them laughing until they fall asleep.

*****

Tyler wakes up at around 11am on Saturday morning. As he checks his phone for the time, he squeals internally at the sight of a text from Josh. 

Josh: **I had the best time last night. I miss you already x**

He can hardly stand it, the way his stomach twists and his heart flutters and his grin threatens to split his cheeks open. It hits him again that Josh is his _boyfriend_ now, and he has to roll over and hide his face in the pillow so that Brendon won't hear the squeak that emits from him. He types out a reply with shaking hands. 

Tyler: **I miss you too. x**

Deciding it's time to get up, he drags himself out of bed and into the shower, reluctant to wash off the last of Josh's scent that clings to his hair and t-shirt, but feeling grungy. As he emerges from the bathroom, he sees that Brendon is already up and dressed. 

"You wanna come to the music building with me? I have some practicing to do and I could use your sweet piano skills," he grins and Tyler nods, moving to his drawers to pull out some clothes. 

*****

Tyler plays along with Brendon for hours, helping him with his melodies and telling him what sounds good. At around 2pm, Brendon starts complaining about being starving, like he always does, and Tyler suggests pizza. They decide to head to Avalanche so that Brendon can try the famed potato pizza that changed Tyler's life, and move out. 

The walk is brief, filled with talk of songs and music, of Josh and of Ryan. Tyler takes in the scenery on the way there, noticing the difference in the trees even since they arrived. More and more leaves litter the sidewalks and streets, less and less green colours the trees as the reds, oranges and browns start to take its place. 

They eat their lunch quickly, Brendon consuming about three quarters of the pizza and agreeing that the 'Southeast Engine Delight' is delicious, quirky and charming, and that potatoes on a pizza was a great idea. As they're gathering their things to leave, Brendon paying for lunch with the excuse that he ate most of it anyway, Tyler's thoughts turn to Josh once again. He hasn't heard back from him since his text this morning, and Tyler really does miss him. As they make their way back out to the street, Tyler pauses and turns to his friend. 

"Hey, Brendon, you head back without me. I'll be back soon, yeah?" he throws it out casually, but Brendon sees right through him. 

"Oh my God, you guys are disgusting. You were with him twelve hours ago, for the love of God!" he cries, but there's a smile on his face and he ruffles Tyler's hair. "Behave, and be home before sun down or you're grounded, mister," he teases as he walks off to the right and Tyler turns left. 

*****

The bell above the door of the record store jingles, and Josh looks up from the counter to see who's walking in. His face lights up as he sees Tyler and he rushes straight over to him. Tyler wants desperately to kiss him, but restrains himself. 

"Hey, stranger!" Josh beams. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I had an extra 20 bucks lying around, and I remembered this really hot guy from the record store promised me he'd recommend me a new album."

Josh grins again as he leads Tyler over to the vinyls, immediately picking one out and handing it to him. Tyler stares at it for a moment, before looking up at him in confusion. It looks as though the album is called '( )'. 

"Open bracket close bracket?" he asks. "Parentheses? Brackets? What is this?"

"They're so hipster they don't need an album title," Josh laughs. "They're called Sigur Rós, and you are going to love them. Trust me," and of course, Tyler does. 

They talk about the band for a while longer, Josh tells him the band is Icelandic but that this particular record's lyrics are gibberish. The lead singer made up his own language, Josh calls it "Hopelandic", and he uses it only to portray feeling. Tyler adores it already. 

After a few more minutes of talking, the tension in the air so thick that it was almost tangible and the desire to touch Josh so palpable that Tyler could burst with it, the bell above the door jingles with more customers, and he rings Tyler up. He uses his employee discount again, with a wink and a finger held to his lips, and Tyler wants to kiss him so badly that it causes him physical pain. The burning sensation in his chest hasn't left him since he walked into the store and his heart is hammering so hard it's almost as though it's trying to leave Tyler's body and get closer to the object of its desires. But Josh needs to get back to work. Customers are waiting. With great difficulty, Tyler tears himself away and heads back to campus. 

On the way back, Tyler takes a detour through the forest. He retraces his and Josh's steps from the previous evening, ending up at their perfect little waterfall, and he notices a break in the leaves above him that he didn't see yesterday. After all, he'd had something, or rather, someone, much better to look at. He lies on his back in the earth, not caring about his clothes getting covered with dirt, and stays there with the sun on his face and his memories of Josh until dusk approaches and he decides it's time to head back in. 

*****

Tyler loves the album. 

It doesn't need lyrics, he understands perfectly the tone, the emotions, the message of every song. It's taken over 'Contra', the first album Josh sent him home with, to become his new favourite record. With the wailing voice, the orchestra of unidentifiable sounds, the songs from Untitled #1 to Untitled #8, it's exactly the kind of album he would have picked out for himself. He wonders how it is that he's spent his entire life adoring music, but has never before found these albums that now mean so much to him. He lies on his back on top of the sheets on his bed in the empty dorm room, losing himself in the melancholy music, and falls asleep like that. 

*****

He wakes up on Sunday feeling like the human personification of a car crash. It comes out of nowhere. Every muscle, every bone, every fibre of his being feels like lead and he can't even bring himself to move enough to check the time. He feels like he's drowning, he feels lost. He wants Josh there with him, wants to curl up in his arms and cry until he doesn't have any tears left. 

He's been taking his medication, Brendon's been making sure of that. His daily reminders come with such a scheduled reliability that Tyler suspects Brendon has set an alarm on his phone to go off every day, reminding him to remind Tyler. Their jokes that Brendon is like a parent to him are a little too real sometimes, with the responsibility Brendon seems to have to take care of him. It makes Tyler feel so guilty sometimes. He goes above and beyond the regular duties of a best friend. Yes, Tyler has been taking his meds. Sometimes they just don't work. 

He doesn't know how long he lies there, staring at the ceiling and feeling like he can't breathe, before Brendon stirs in the bed on the other side of the room. Tyler closes his eyes. It's easier to pretend to be asleep, rather than to have to explain how he's feeling and deal with the concern he knows Brendon will feel. 

He listens to Brendon tiptoeing around the room so as not to wake him, as he gets his clothes and takes a shower. He's still feigning sleep when Brendon comes to gently shake him a while later. He peeks open his eyes and Brendon tells him he's spending the day with Ryan, a sparkle in his eyes and a smile on his lips. Tyler doesn't want to tell him that he needs him, that he feels as though he's suffocating under his own feelings. He knows for a fact that, if he mentioned it, Brendon would drop everything to be with him. It's not fair, Tyler thinks to himself. His friend deserves a day of fun without Tyler bringing him down. He fakes a smile as Brendon moves off his bed and out the door. 

Tyler considers texting Josh, but he can't bring himself to. He can't bear the thought of Josh seeing him like this. He seems to think of Tyler as this bright light, always happy and airy, and he can't bear to break that illusion. He can't let Josh know he's this broken, mess of a person, that he has so little power and control that he can't even manage his own mind. Because who could possibly want him like this? Josh would see him for what he really is and leave, just like everyone else always does. 

Tyler lies there, drowning in his own thoughts for hours. He gets up only to take his meds after getting a text from Brendon, and on his way back to bed he puts on the record he bought yesterday again. Rather than filling him with the inspiration it did the first few times he heard it, the music now seems to echo every ounce of pain he's feeling. He listens to it, not even having the energy to cry, until he drifts off into a dreamless sleep of black nothingness, suspended in emptiness. 

*****

Monday comes, and brings with it work and stress. Tyler forgot all about the book list Dr Hiles had provided them last week, Josh completely distracting him from anything else. He gets utterly lost during the lecture, without the text to follow along with it's just a lot of archaic words that don't really mean anything. He takes as many notes as he can, but ends up having to do twice the work in the evening to make up for it, and he's having to work off a copy of the text online, taking the passages he needs and then researching the meaning of every other line. Tyler hates Shakespeare. 

*****

Tuesday brings another lecture Tyler can't follow, and he's starting to feel like he's in over his head. He doesn't know why he's here. He has absolutely no interest in the plays of a long dead Englishman. This isn't helping him with his music whatsoever, unless he wants to write a song about a bunch of people who die with words no one will understand. 

After floundering in homework for an hour that evening, scouring the Internet for the text he needs and, again, having to research every other line, he relents and decides he needs to call his mother and ask her for book money. He can hear the worry in her voice as soon as she answers his call, and it takes everything he has not to burst into tears over the phone. 

She asks Tyler how his first week went, and it takes him by surprise. He feels like he's been here for months already, like he should already be coming to the end of his semester. The fact that this has only been a week and a half, that he has around twelve times that over again to get through before he can even go home to visit, makes it hard to breathe and he has to keep assuring his mother that everything is fine and he's having a great time. 

By the time he hangs up the phone, he only feels worse. It makes him miserable, the fact that he can't talk to his mother about his life with honesty. Not only that he has to hide his emotions from her for the sake of her own, but that he can't tell her about Josh. He can't share the most important and best part of his life right now with her. It kills him that he can't bring Josh home to meet her, he knows that she would _love_ him if she just gave him a chance. 

*****

On Wednesday, Tyler hears from Josh. It should be all he needs to feel happy again, but their exchange of text messages probably makes him feel worse than anything else has that week. 

Josh: **Hey Ty how are you? I miss you so much x**

This makes him smile wide enough to make his cheeks hurt, and he texts back right away, with a pang of guilt for not being completely honest with the one person he cares about most right now. 

Tyler: **Hey Jishwa. I'm not so bad, just totally overwhelmed with school recently. I miss you too. I'm off today and tomorrow if you wanna do something? x**

Josh: **I would love to so bad you have no clue but it turns out I agreed to go stay with my family until Friday in your dorm the other night. You can't complain it was ALL your fault but I'm around from Saturday afternoon if you're free? x**

The words make Tyler's heart sink to the pit of his stomach. The thought of another three days without Josh is physically painful. The voice in Tyler's head repeats 'all your fault, all your fault' on a loop. If only he hadn't picked up that God damn phone. 

Tyler: **Saturday it is. I'll miss you heaps, have fun with your family. Tell your mom I'm sorry about Friday. x**

Josh: **Absolutely not she is never finding out about that and you're terrible. Miss you too Ty x**

He feels a little spark of hope at the idea of seeing Josh on Saturday. He decides to think of it as a goal, something positive to work towards. Something to stay alive for. 

*****

On Thursday, Tyler takes himself down to the music department. Brendon has been spending more and more of his free time with Ryan, so he ventures down on his own, but he's there with Brendon so often that he suspects a lot of the staff think he's a music student anyway. No one stops him, at least. 

He spends most of his day in there, flitting between the piano and the ukulele, creating songs for which he has no lyrics. He's always found the words the hardest part of the song to perfect. College was supposed to be helping him with that, but if anything it's just draining any inspiration he had left. 

It dawns on him, with a very loud gurgle from his stomach, that he hasn't eaten in days. The thought hadn't even occurred to him. He vows to stop off at the café on campus before returning to his room. He isn't really in the position to afford skipping meals. 

*****

It's 11:30pm on Friday night and Tyler can't sleep. It had been a long day of reading an awful lot of boring text, followed by an evening of being unable to stop his mind from thinking. He thinks about his classes, about studying English when all he wants to do is play music, how this literature isn't really helping him on that path. He thinks about his mother, how much he loves her but how little she really knows him, how much of her own son she has no idea about. He thinks about God, about how much it used to mean to him to pray, to go to church, how much he used to need to talk to someone he's pretty sure was never there. He thinks about the pointlessness of it all, his music is never really going to go anywhere, he's just some angsty guy wailing over piano chords. He can't even read music. 

It's been hours now, Tyler has been tossing and turning in bed, these thoughts swirling around his head, and the fear and stress is giving him a migraine. Brendon is out with Ryan again, so he doesn't have anyone to talk things out with even if he wanted to. He knows he's seeing Josh tomorrow and the excitement at the idea of seeing him again isn't getting him to sleep any faster. He knows he should be sleeping, he needs to be well rested, can't spend the first day he's seeing Josh in a week miserable and with a headache. He can't let Josh see this side of him. The same thoughts have been going through his head all week now, he can't seem to shake the depression that's been hanging over him, and he hasn't been able to quell his fears and insecurities. 

Tyler doesn't want to be burdened with insecurities, didn't ask to me riddled with anxiety, definitely has no desire to be so easily overcome by bouts of depression. He didn't choose to be the way he is, but this was the hand he was dealt, and right now that means dealing with a pounding headache, pain that seems to be coming from everywhere at once. 

He knows he isn't getting to sleep if he stays like this, so he throws his legs over the side of the bed and stands up, swaying a little as he rubs at his temples. He stumbles over to the kitchen area, fumbling his way around the room in he darkness. He knows his headaches, he and they are well acquainted. If he turns on that florescent light above him the pounding in his head will get about ten times worse, so he relies on memory and searching hands to find what he needs. He reaches up to the cupboard to grab a couple of headache pills, bends over to pour a glass of milk from the fridge, working with its dim light to make sure he doesn't miss his glass as he pours, and then makes his way over to the desk by the end of his bed. 

His desk lamp is dim enough that he feels he can deal with its light, and he can angle the light towards the desk anyway. Sighing, he grabs the notebook he keeps in his bag at all times, although it's been worryingly underused recently, and throws it open on the desk, picking up a pencil. When he can't sleep, when he can't stop thinking, when it all feels too much to contain anymore, Tyler writes. Like throwing up words onto the page, it always manages to make the stomach inside his brain settle down.

*****

Josh is late coming home, and it makes Tyler feel miserable all over again. He had woken up early, thankfully all traces of his migraine gone, and for the first time in a week he didn't feel like death was a better option than getting out of bed. He'd gotten showered, spent ages picking out the outfit he was going to wear, and awaited the text to tell him that Josh had finally gotten back. By lunchtime he'd gotten the text that told him it wouldn't be until that night when he'd finally see him again. 

At 10pm, he finally gets a text. 

Josh: **BABY I AM SO SO SORRY my mom had me doing all sorts of shit for her but I'll be outside your building in 10 minutes I am so sorry x**

Any sadness or resentment he'd been harbouring melts away as he reads the text. Josh is home. Josh is coming here. Josh will be here in 10 minutes, it's all going to be okay. He hurriedly shoves on his ripped jeans and tank top with low cut sleeves, pulling on a hoody and shoving his feet into floral vans before tearing out of the room, calling a hurried goodbye to Brendon over his shoulder as he races down the stairs. He's only been outside for a couple of minutes when he sees Josh's car pulling up and his heart is soaring. 

As Josh emerges from his car, he can't get a single word out before Tyler is grabbing him and pulling him in for a bone-crushing hug, covering his face in kisses. 

"I missed you too," he chuckles, meeting Tyler's lips to kiss him back, and Tyler gets lost in it. It feels like home, being in Josh's arms and feeling the heat he always seems to exude warming him to his bones. They spend minutes in the car park, kissing, Tyler reluctant to ever let it stop, but finally their mouths break from one another, both of them gasping for breath. 

"So what did you get up to while I was gone?" Josh asks after his breathing has returned to normal, giving Tyler a last, tight squeeze before relinquishing his grip. 

Tyler's stomach twists. He doesn't want to mention anything about his week, none of it was good. He isn't ready for Josh to find out about what a mess he is just yet, still too scared that he'll run when he realises what he's gotten himself into, so he keeps his answer casual and non-committal. 

"Not much, really. A lot of classes and thinking that Shakespeare was a total jerk-off, missing you. Oh, I wrote a song last night," he adds as an afterthought. 

It was probably the only positive and productive thing he'd achieved that week. Then an idea struck him. It was too late for them to really go anywhere together, too dark to explore the forest, and Brendon was back in the dorm room. But Tyler knew somewhere he could take Josh for the evening. 

"That's awesome! You should definitely play it for me some time," Josh grins, and Tyler's mind is made. 

"Do you climb?" he asks. Josh shoots him a puzzled look with a cocked eyebrow. 

"I used to climb a lot of trees as a kid?" Josh offers, and Tyler smiles. 

"That'll do!" he declares, grabbing Josh's hand and taking off at a run, dragging him along. 

They reach the music building in minutes, doors locked and in complete darkness. Letting go of Josh's hand, Tyler jumps up onto the wall that runs up the side of the steps to the front door. Using a column, he shimmies his way up on top of the porch over the entrance, then turns to help Josh up beside him. 

He uses the guttering along the side of the building to clamber up onto the roof, Josh following a little clumsily behind him and looking wary of the sloping slate roof they're standing on. Tyler holds out his hand for Josh to take it, then they slowly make their way up and over the roof to the back of the building to jump down first onto an electrical box, and then the ground. 

Tyler sticks a silent landing and finds himself in an enclosed square in the centre of the building that all the classrooms look out onto. There are a few seats and sad looking trees in the space, but no lighting. 

Tyler pauses for a moment to look up into the night sky. With the lack of light pollution, he can see hundreds of thousands of stars, like little pinpricks in a backlit sheet of darkness. If he unfocuses his eyes he can see even more, see just how much there is out there. It makes him feel so very insignificant, puts into perspective just how little his life matters, how trivial all of his worries and concerns are. In the grand scheme of things, he matters little more than a speck of dust. There's something comforting about it. 

He turns around to see Josh has jumped down behind him and is now staring up into the night sky too, an awe struck expression on his face. Tyler remembers how animatedly he had talked about space and aliens on the night Hayley had dyed his hair, sitting with his little tinfoil hat on. 

"It makes you feel so small, doesn't it?" he marvels, moving over to Tyler to wrap his arms around his waist. 

Tyler turns in his arms and presses his lips to Josh's, because yes. That's exactly it. They stand there for a few minutes longer, Josh's arms around his waist and their lips working against one another, Tyler occasionally pulling Josh's bottom lip into his mouth, until Josh trembles with the first shiver Tyler has ever seen him experience. He'd started to think that Josh just never felt cold. With a smile, he presses his lips to Josh's nose which feels freezing against his lips, and then takes his hand to lead him over to the music room where he spends so much of his time. 

The broken window latch that had bothered Tyler so many times in the past, with its banging in the wind and letting cold seep into the room, turns out to be a blessing in disguise as he holds it out for Josh to clamber through, then follows him in. 

Josh takes in the room looking wonderstruck, and his eyes light up when he sees the drum kit in the corner, but he turns back to Tyler when he clears his throat.

"You, uh... You said I should play for you some time, so I figured, y'know, why not now?" he shrugs, hands nervously tugging at the hem of his shirt. 

He's never really been comfortable letting anyone hear him play, especially not his own stuff. But he wants to for Josh. He still feels a little guilty for not telling him what he's been going through all week. Really, he deserves to know that he's in a relationship with such a shambles of a boy. The lyrics he wrote last night might give him a little insight into the workings of his brain, and Josh deserves that at least. 

"Really?!" Josh's face lights up in a huge grin at his words, and he pulls Tyler over to press a gentle kiss to his lips before whispering, "Thank you."

Tyler takes up his place behind the piano, swallowing the lump in his throat at the thought of singing his own lyrics for someone else. Lyrics that are incomplete, lyrics that he only just came up with last night, lyrics that give away a little more than he's comfortable with, lyrics that he hasn't even tried to sing with the music he has planned yet. He feels more vulnerable than he thinks he ever has done before as he clears his throat and starts tapping out the chords that have become familiar to him with practice, and begins to sing the song conceived on his sleepless Friday night. 

_I-I-I- I've got a migraine_  
_And my pain will range from up, down and sideways_  
_Thank God it's Friday_ ,  
_'Cause Fridays will always be better than Sundays_ ,  
_'Cause Sundays are my suicide days_. 

_I don't know why they always seem so dismal._  
_Thunderstorms, clouds, snow, and a slight drizzle_.  
_Whether it's the weather or the letters by my bed_ ,  
_Sometimes death seems better than the migraine in my head._

_Let it be said what the headache represents,_  
_It's me defending in suspense_ ,  
_It's me suspended in a defenceless test_ ,  
_Being tested by a ruthless examiner_ ,  
_That's represented best by my depress-ing thoughts_ ,  
_I do not have writer's block, my writer just hates the clock._  
_It will not let me sleep, I guess I'll sleep when I'm dead_ ,  
_And sometimes death seems better than the migraine in my head._

_Am I the only one I know,_  
_Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat_?  
_Shadows will scream that I'm alone_ ,  
_But I know we've made it this far, kid._

_We've made it this far_...  
_We've made it this-_

Tyler cuts off, suddenly hyperaware of his surroundings, of the silence in the room, of Josh staring at him from somewhere behind him. He swallows another lump in his throat before he hears a breathy, "Wow," and turns around in the piano stool. 

Josh is just staring at him, all wide eyed with his mouth in a little 'o' shape as he sits cross legged on the ground behind the stool. Tyler looks down as twiddles his thumbs in his laps nervously, waiting for feedback, imagining words like 'angsty,' 'emo,' and 'twitchy'. He knows he tends to make a lot of jerking movements when he plays. His mother actually asked him if he needed to see another therapist the first time she witnessed it, concerned for his wellbeing after she saw the way music moves him. 

"That... That was fucking awesome, Ty," Josh grins, catching his tongue between his teeth, an expression that still makes Tyler's heart flutter a little every time he sees it. 

"For real, Tyler. I'm not just saying that. I'd be giving you the same feedback if you were a total stranger. Your voice is incredible! I did _not_ have you down as a rapper," his tongue is back between his teeth as he smiles and Tyler finds himself grinning back. 

"Thank you," he mumbles. Noticing how small his voice sounds, he clears his throat before adding, "It's not rap, though. Not really. It's just me getting out all the stuff in my head."

"Well, whatever you wanna call it, it's freaking awesome," Josh insists, jumping up from his spot on the ground. "Hey, play that again, yeah?" He's heading towards the drum kit in the corner and suddenly Tyler feels a mixture of anxiety and excitement well up in his stomach. He's about to play with Josh. 

"Yeah, of course," he squeaked, clearing his throat again in an attempt to take control of his voice. 

He waits for Josh to sit behind the kit and take up the sticks before starting the first few chords. Josh kicks in with the drums as soon as the lyrics start and the song is effortless. He keeps impeccable timing, obviously hearing it once was enough for him to work out a rhythm and he's improvising drums that go along perfectly with Tyler's singing and playing, stopping abruptly just as Tyler cuts off the last line again. 

Josh is grinning hugely at him, nose scrunched up and eyes creasing at the corners, and Tyler feels a swooping sensation in his stomach as the familiar burning sensation in his chest returns. His heart is hammering, and not from the exertion of playing piano and singing. 

"That was sick!" Josh laughs, drumsticks still clutched in his hands. 

"Sick as frick," Tyler agrees with a smirk. "Hey, drum for me. You got to see me play, it's only fair."

"Sure! What do you wanna hear?"

"You," Tyler smiles at him, the words laced with a double entendre he half hopes Josh picks up on. 

"Okay!" Josh smiles back, thumping on the kick drum and testing the sticks out on all the available surfaces, getting a better feel for the kit. 

Tyler sits back on the piano stool, bringing one foot up to perch on the seat, wrapping his arms around his bent leg and resting his lips on his knee. He watches Josh tap the sticks together once, twice, three times and then he's off. Josh gets completely lost in his instrument, he drums with his whole body. His arms know exactly where they need to go before they need to get there, seemingly without thought, moving so fast it's hard for Tyler's eyes to keep up. He stands, he sits, he twirls a stick around his fingers, his head shaking violently at points in time to the beat. Tyler's attention turns to Josh's face as he drums, his lower lip bitten, sweat gathering in beads on his upper lip and furrowed brow as he thrashes, playing harder than anyone Tyler's ever seen. He's incredible. A part of him briefly wonders if this might be what Josh looks like during sex. 

Torn abruptly from his awe, Tyler whips his head around as he sees a light flick on through the small, square window in the wooden door of the room they're occupying. Apparently, there's security in this building at night. 

"Oh _frick_! Josh, we gotta go. **Now**!" He grabs Josh's hand and yanks him away from the drums, sticks still in his hands, and practically shoves him through the window, following closely behind. 

They run across the courtyard as fast as they can, feet thundering beneath them as they laugh so hard they're probably waking people up. Tyler jumps up on top of the electrical box in a single, smooth movement, then leaps up onto the roof, pausing to check on Josh who's clambering onto the electrical box and attempting to haul himself onto the roof from the guttering. The drumsticks are poking out of the waistband of his jeans where he must have stuck them as he ran. Tyler lets out a chuckle, the image of a clumsy lion chasing a springing gazelle comes to mind, as he goes over to give him a hand up. 

Josh's feet scrabble for purchase on the roof as Tyler hauls him on, knocking off a slate tile that falls to the ground and shatters with a smashing sound that seems deafening in the silence. 

"Oh, fuck!" Josh shouts, then he runs up and over the roof, slipping a little, laughing the whole time. He makes his way down onto the top of the porch, and then jumps. 

Tyler quickly follows, and the minute his feet hit the ground he grabs Josh's hand and they're running full pelt away from the music building, both of them roaring with laughter as Tyler steers him towards his dorm building

They don't stop running until they reach the steps of Tyler's building, doubling over and gasping for breath between laughs. Once again, Josh has him feeling more alive than he's ever felt before. The past week's mental turmoil forgotten entirely in the space of an hour as he's filled to the brim with the joy he missed so terribly while Josh was away. He'd thought to himself before that he wouldn't be able to cope without him, but now he knows it's a fact. 

As their panting calms down and they start to catch their breath again, Tyler is suddenly overcome with the urge to kiss him. He pushes Josh up against the brick of the building, kissing his neck and noticing the hickey he left there a week ago has disappeared. He'll have to remedy the matter. He loves the idea of Josh walking around with Tyler's mark on him, everyone else knowing that he's taken and thinking to themselves how lucky that person, Tyler, is. He realises that the car park probably isn't the best location, though, and he's sure he could convince Brendon to go visit Ryan for a while to give them a little privacy. 

"Do you wanna come upstairs?" Tyler whispers in his ear, covering the surrounding area in kisses as he does. 

"Ty, baby, I would _love_ to, but I came straight here from my mom's house. I haven't even been home yet. I need a shower, and one of my friends is cat-sitting so I need to go let her off the clock," he pouts a little as he cups Tyler's cheek with his hand and presses a kiss to his forehead. "I'm all yours all day tomorrow, though?"

Tyler smiles at this, pressing another kiss to Josh's lips. "Deal," he grins, his heart still heavy at the idea of Josh leaving already. No matter how much time they get together, it's never enough. 

He walks Josh over to his car, managing to work another minute or two of kissing in there, before he's getting in and buckling up. Josh winds down his window to say his last goodbyes. 

"I miss you already," he gushes, and there's that fire in Tyler's chest again as he returns the sentiment. "Oh, and Ty? You are a fucking excellent musician," and with that, he starts up the engine.

It'll be less than twelve hours until they're together again. After seven days without Josh, it should seem like no time at all, but it still feels like an unreasonably long time to wait as he watches his car pull away. 

Trudging back upstairs, still a little disappointed to be making the journey without Josh, Tyler finds himself hoping that he doesn't wake up with his standard 'Sunday blues' tomorrow. He doesn't want a second of his time with Josh to be wasted on sadness. Every memory they've shared together so far has been one of the happiest times Tyler can remember, nothing but smiles and laughter and images that make his stomach erupt in butterflies. He finds himself hoping it'll always be like that, but with Josh he honestly can't see it going any other way. 

With a sigh and a smile, he pushes open the dorm room door, but stops in his tracks with what he sees in front of him. 

Brendon is on his bed. That much is odd in and of itself, but it's the fact that he's on Tyler's bed with Hayley... And they're _kissing_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh.


	13. Climbing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suicide contemplation is very, very briefly mentioned in this chapter. Stay safe, frens ❤️

Tyler blinks a few times, just standing there, frozen to the spot in the doorway. They're still kissing, they still haven't even noticed that he's standing there. 

He must make some kind of sound without even registering it, because Brendon's quickly pulling away, glancing at the doorway. He sees Tyler and his face drains of colour. 

"Oh, _shit_ , Tyler!"

Tyler turns, and he runs. 

He doesn't even know where he's going, but he keeps running. His eyes are filling up with tears as he follows his feet, trying to focus on the dull thuds of them pounding down the stairs and out the doors of the dorm building, trying to focus on the cold night air as he fills his lungs with it, trying to focus on _anything_ but the image in his head of the two of them kissing on his bed. 

**His** bed! It's as though Brendon was doing this specifically to hurt Tyler. 

He keeps running.

When he finally comes to a stop, panting for breath, he realises that he has ended up in the forest, he's run straight to the waterfall he and Josh found together. He also realises there are tears rolling down his cheeks, and he wipes them away with a sniffle. 

His phone vibrates from his pocket, and he takes it out to see a picture of him and Brendon with their arms around one another, Brendon's contact photo on his phone. He sends the call to voicemail and stuffs his phone back in his pocket. 

It's not even that they kissed. If Hayley and Brendon are getting along better, that's great! It's that Brendon broke his promise. A _pinky promise_ at that. 

Tyler knows he's being childish. He knows that this is utterly ridiculous, getting upset over something so trivial. He'll be twenty at the end of this year, and he's crying because his best friend broke a pinky promise. But Brendon has never broken a promise before, at least never that Tyler has known of. Brendon _knows_ how much a promise means to Tyler. He's _supposed_ to be Tyler's best friend, but now he's breaking promises just to kiss some girl. 

Tears are rolling down his cheeks again, and the harder he tries to stop them, the harder they fall. He wishes he had Josh with him, longs for those muscular arms to scoop him up, to be enveloped in his warmth, but at the same time can't stand the thought of Josh seeing him so weak. His body wracks with a sob as he chokes out a wail, and he just wants to get away. 

He turns to find a good tree, one with plenty of low hanging branches, and starts to climb. It's been a form of escape for him since childhood. He'd climb up onto the roof of his house after an argument with his brother, go to the park to scale a tree if his parents scolded him. The higher up he gets, the further away his problems seem. It's easier to disconnect from the world when you're looking down on it. 

He feels his phone vibrating from his pocket again and pauses on a branch about halfway up his chosen tree to pull it out, send Brendon's call straight to voicemail and shut it off. The only thing keeping him from throwing it against a rock on the ground is the idea of having no way to talk to Josh. Tears keep making tracks down his cheeks as he continues his ascent, almost slipping and falling out of the tree on more than one occasion, his vision blurry from tears and already compromised by the lack of light. For a brief moment he considers it, just letting go and falling, but the distance wouldn't kill him and he couldn't stand to see, even to imagine, the look on Josh's face when he found out. 

Josh seems to be becoming his sole reasoning behind a lot of things. 

He reaches high enough that the boughs of the tree bend under his weight. As he reaches for one and it snaps in his hand, he decides he's climbed high enough, and he finds a forked branch that's relatively comfortable to sit in. He scaled the tree in an attempt to escape his problems, but it seems they've followed him up here. As he sits, he surveys his surroundings, he can see the tops of some of the trees around him in the pale moonlight, and he thinks. 

He's never known Brendon to break a promise, but then again he probably wouldn't have known about this one if it hadn't been for the light coming on in the music building, and with the way Brendon's face had gone ghostly white at the sight of him, he highly doubts his friend was planning on telling him about it. How many times has Brendon broken promises behind his back and never let him know? If he was willing to do it for something as silly as a kiss, this can't have been the first time. 

He starts thinking over every promise Brendon has ever made him. All the times he's promised Tyler he'll never leave, that he'll always be there for him, that they'll always be best friends. Had he just been telling Tyler what he knew he wanted, what he _needed_ to hear? Brendon was one of the people he trusted most in the whole world. He would have trusted him with his life. Maybe that was a mistake. 

He sits there until the sun starts to emerge over the horizon, just thinking. The tears never really stop. He'll have a brief respite and then think of something particularly painful and they'll start again. He grows more and more uncomfortable in his spot, the branches pressing into his flesh and bone for hours on end taking their toll, but he doesn't want to climb back down, isn't ready to face the world again yet. 

That is until he hears a very familiar voice screaming, "TYLER," in the distance. He'd know that voice anywhere, even from a mile away. 

"JOSH?" he shouts out into the dawn, listening carefully. 

"TYLER, WHERE ARE YOU?" he hears Josh call back, and he very nearly falls out of the tree again in his haste to move. 

He scurries back down the tree, feet finding branches with ease on his descent to the ground and back to all his problems. He jumps down the last few meters and lands on his feet with a dull thud just as Josh bursts into the clearing and rushes over to him. 

"Tyler!" Josh throws his arms around him and pulls him in to a tight hug, squeezing him until he has no air left in his lungs. "Oh thank God! I was so worried about you," he breathes, loosening his grip around Tyler's body. 

Tyler is immediately submerged in guilt. He'd turned his phone of, so of course Josh hadn't been able to get in contact with him. He isn't sure how Josh found out he was gone, but he imagines their roles reversed, him being told that Josh was missing and not being able to get in touch with him. The thought makes him feel nauseated. He'd been so selfish. 

"Hayley called me," Josh explains, his arms still loosely wrapped around Tyler, "She wanted to know if you were with me, she said she and Brendon couldn't find you anywhere. What happened?!"

Tyler can't bring himself to tell Josh what happened, can't voice how childish he's being. If Josh knew how stupid the reason Tyler had gotten him so worried over was, if he knew how selfish he had been, Tyler is sure he'd turn on his heel and march straight back out of the forest. 

He tries to apologise, but his, "I'm so sorry," turns into a sob and he collapses into Josh's chest. He hates himself for worrying him.

"Ty, please, what happened? Are you okay?" Josh implores, the concern in his voice only making Tyler's guilt more pronounced. 

He pulls himself together enough to lift his head from Josh's chest and wipe his eyes. He sees the outline of his face on the front of the faded, blue NASA t-shirt Josh is wearing, tears leaving an imprint of his eyes, nose and mouth. 

"B-Brendon broke a promise," he stammers out, preparing himself for Josh's onslaught at his childish words. "I'm so sorry I scared you. I'm sorry I'm being so s-stupid," his sentence is interrupted by another sob and he's sure Josh is going to walk away and leave him there. 

Instead, Josh threads the fingers of one hand through Tyler's hair and pulls his head down to rest on his shoulder, pressing a kiss to his forehead. 

"No, baby, I'm so sorry he hurt you, sshhh," Josh soothes, and Tyler does. 

He takes a few deep breaths, breathing in Josh's comforting scent, focusing on the strong arms wrapped around him, and he shushes. Josh is always so caring, so painfully sweet, no matter how stupid Tyler is. His mind flashes back to Josh giving him a piggyback ride home when he was too wasted to walk, staying with him that night even though he'd made a fool of himself. He's more than Tyler deserves. 

He wipes the last tears from his face with the back of his hand and sighs, "I'm okay."

"Are you sure?" Josh murmurs, pressing another kiss to Tyler's forehead.

"Of course I am. You're here now," Tyler replies with a shy smile. 

"I'll always be here, Ty," Josh smiles back, and Tyler believes him. "C'mon, let's get you out of here, you're freezing," only with Josh's words does Tyler realise he's trembling violently with the cold. 

Josh takes off his hoody and Tyler tries to refuse, he doesn't want Josh getting cold because of him, but Josh won't hear it, holding it up behind Tyler for him to slide his arms into. It's oversized and infused with Josh's body heat and scent, and Tyler instantly feels much better. 

"Lemme just text Hales," Josh says, taking out his phone, "she was worried sick."

Tyler instantly feels terrible again. Guilt twists his stomach, he had worried so many people because of his childishness. He'd been so stupid and hurt his friends, his _boyfriend_ , in the process. He'd wanted to escape his own worries and problems, not create more for other people. He hears Brendon's voice in his head, saying, "You are literally twelve," and now the teasing comment felt like a very real, very true criticism.

"C'mon, Ty," Josh wraps his arm around Tyler's shoulders as he puts his phone back in his pocket, "let's go."

"Josh?" Tyler's voice comes out as a pitiful croak, and he clears his throat to try and regain his speech, "I don't wanna see Brendon. Not yet. Can we go somewhere else?" 

He still feels incredibly juvenile, but Josh smiles at him anyway as they walk out of the forest in the direction of the campus grounds. 

"Of course we can, Ty. You wanna come back to my place for a bit? We could eat Doritos and play Super Smash Brothers, if you like? I'll even let you be Samus. She can kick anybody's ass. I'm sure I have a change of clothes that'll fit you, and I know the kids really wanna see you again. They told me so themselves," he finishes with a grin as he glances over at Tyler to gauge his reaction. 

With a noise somewhere between a giggle and a sob, Tyler throws his arms around Josh's neck and kisses him. He knows he's covered in dirt and tears and probably snot, but if Josh cares he doesn't show it, kissing Tyler back and giving his waist a quick squeeze. 

"Heck yes," comes Tyler's response at last. He grins, so thankful for Josh in that moment. He was so sure that he'd turn around and walk away once he found out how silly Tyler was being, he can't believe he's still here, still being his sickeningly sweet self. He's more than Tyler deserves. 

They start walking again, Josh holding his hand now, and a thought occurs to Tyler. 

"How did you know where to find me?" he asks.

"Oh, I just had a feeling," Josh smiles, and he wraps his arm back around Tyler's shoulders to pull him closer as they walk. 

Tyler is overcome by that Earth-shatteringly powerful, burning sensation of love for Josh in his chest. He knows now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that's exactly what it is. He is madly, hopelessly, impossibly, irrevocably in love with Joshua Dun, and he isn't even scared. Josh knew exactly where he was going, even when Tyler hadn't known himself. Josh is seeing him at his weakest, witnessing one of his lowest and most pathetic moments, and he isn't running. He's looking at Tyler with the same caring and sweetness he always has, and Tyler knows he is the luckiest person alive, to be able to call Josh his. 

Josh doesn't ask again what happened, he doesn't press for details or raise the subject again, hasn't even mentioned Brendon's name since Tyler told him what happened, and it means so much to him. 

They finally make it to Josh's car and he opens the door for Tyler, pressing another gentle kiss to his forehead as he sits down, then closing the door and moving around to get in the other side. He drives with his hand on Tyler's thigh again and the contact keeps him calm, keeps his thoughts from straying too far. They drive to the 7/11 Tyler had pressed him up against to kiss him on that drunken night, and Josh tells Tyler to stay put and that he'll be right back. He presses a little kiss to Tyler's lips before he leaves. 

He returns with his arms full of Doritos, cans of red bull and chocolate bars. The smile that scrunches his nose and crinkles the corners of his eyes as he sees Tyler's expression in reaction to the mountain of snacks makes Tyler's heart flutter, as it always does, and he dumps his haul in the backseat of the car to drive them both home. 

**-**

Josh digs around in his closet and drawers in search of something Tyler can change into, the clothes he has on covered in soil and damp from being outside all night. Eventually he settles on a pair of black sweatpants that are slightly too long for his own legs and a plain white tee that's slightly too long for his own torso. They're both still a touch too big on Tyler, making him look a little like a young boy dressing up in his older brother's clothes. The effect is adorable and Josh can't help but smirk any time he looks at him. 

Tyler's eyes are puffy from crying and he's bitten his lips so incessantly that blood lines a few of the cracks in the chapped skin there. It breaks Josh's heart to see him like this, and he'd do anything to make him feel better. Tyler's hands and nose are still cold to the touch, so he grabs the duvet from his bed and brings it out to the sofa for the two of them to sit under. 

They sit there for a couple of hours playing Super Smash Bros, and Tyler beats him every single time. Even when he lets Josh play as Samus. After the first few games he seemed to loosen up a little, and now it's gotten to the point where he's goading Josh with every win. Josh is willing to keep losing games to him for eternity if it keeps the smile on his face. He's already decided to have words with Brendon, but for now all he's worrying about is keeping his boy happy. 

"Oooooooooh, takedown! The champion is undefeated, I am untouchable!" Tyler is cheering from beside him, bouncing up and down on the couch. 

"Untouchable, huh?" Josh turns to him with a sly grin, before launching himself across the sofa at him and tickling him anywhere he can reach. 

Tyler squeals and squirms, attempting to protest but unable to get any words out around his giggles and screams, kicking out at Josh as he tickles at his sides and underarms, fingers prodding into his ribs until Tyler manages to kick him off and straddles him to cease his tirelessly wandering fingers. 

Suddenly, gaming is entirely forgotten, and Tyler is leaning down to take Josh's bottom lip between his teeth and pull it away from him. Josh lets out a barely audible groan into Tyler's mouth and tangles his fingers in the hair on the back of Tyler's head to pull him into a kiss. Their mouths open immediately and Tyler leads, tongue exploring Josh's mouth as he makes soft, high-pitched little sounds in his throat. As Josh advances, pressing his tongue forward, Tyler _sucks_ it into his mouth, lips wrapped around it and bobbing his head, and Josh lets out a louder groan as he's reminded of what that pretty mouth can do. 

Tyler sits back at the noise he gets from Josh, a pleased look on his face, and there's no way he doesn't realise he's pressing his ass down into Josh's slowly growing hard-on. 

"Thank you for always being so good to me, Jishwa," he utters in an adorably affected voice, shifting himself slightly on Josh's lap, and there's _no way_ he doesn't know what he's doing. 

Growing steadily harder, Josh grabs Tyler's hips under his shirt, the skin-on-skin contact alone making Tyler gasp a little, and presses him down into his crotch as he presses up into Tyler, watching to see his head fall back and a moan escape his lips. He makes the prettiest little sounds. He does this a few more times, just pressing them into one another fully dressed, nothing particularly risqué, but it's still getting noises out of Tyler, and Josh wants more. 

He sits up with Tyler still on his lap, and at his movement Tyler starts to grind his ass down into Josh's crotch, breathy moans falling from his lips now as he works out a rhythm, and Josh gives the occasional little buck up into him in return, earning him longer, louder moans when he does. Tyler kisses across his cheeks, his chin, his jaw, his neck, his collar bones, his lips must make contact about a hundred times, before he moves to suck another hickey onto his neck. 

The last one had earned him plenty of disapproval from his boss and his parents, but if Tyler wants to leave marks on him, Josh isn't about to stop him. 

Up close, Josh notices the smudges of dirt and soil on Tyler's skin and under his nails, the little bits of leaf and twig that are nestled in his hair, and he has an idea. 

"Hey, Ty?" he tries, and Tyler lets out a muffled noise of acknowledgement into his neck. "You wanna come have a shower?"

Tyler pulls back from his neck at this and looks at Josh, wide eyed. 

"You're covered in dirt, and besides, I'm pretty sure it's _your turn_ ," he repeats Tyler's words from his dorm room the weekend prior, and a blush creeps up Tyler's cheeks as he simply nods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO this was supposed to be full of sin but it was running on far too long, it was at 3k words already and they hadn't even begun, so you all have to wait another chapter and I am the worst person in the world, I know.


	14. Showering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S SIN O'CLOCK
> 
> This is really short, like it's literally just smut because all y'all are thirsty af and I've already kept you all waiting longer than I meant to for this, so yeah. I'll make the next chapter longer to make up for it. 
> 
> See you in hell.

Josh picks Tyler up from sitting on top of him on the couch and carries him to the bathroom while Tyler giggles and squeals, Josh kissing his shoulders and neck as they go. As he enters the room, he first turns on the shower to let the water heat up for them, then lets Tyler down and closes the door behind them. Mirroring Tyler's actions from the week before in his dorm room, he pushes him back against the door once it's closed. 

Josh grabs the hem of the shirt Tyler is wearing and tugs it off over his head. He didn't get to watch him change earlier, much to his dismay, so this is the first time he's seen him shirtless, and he is _beautiful_. Josh discovers new tattoos on his chest that he's never seen before, but as with the first time he saw the tattoos on his arms, they seem such a fundamental part of him that now, Josh can't imagine him without them. 

He peppers little kisses across Tyler's chest as he presses back against the door, Josh ducking his head a little to take one of Tyler's nipples between his teeth, and garnering a beautiful moan from him. From his chest, he moves up to kiss along one of Tyler's clavicles and up to his neck, deciding that if he's going to bear Tyler's mark, then Tyler is going to bear his. 

As he bites and sucks the flesh of Tyler's neck into his mouth, Tyler bucks his hips forward and Josh doesn't even bother pulling the sweatpants he loaned him down, pressing his palm flat against Tyler's stomach and sliding it down, under the waistband of the pants, to firmly grab and squeeze at his length through his boxers, and Josh can feel him throbbing already. 

He'll have to take this slow if he wants to draw out Tyler's pleasure for any amount of time. 

Lips still at Tyler's neck, sucking on the same spot, he slowly, laboriously works his hand up and down Tyler's length through the fabric of his underwear. Even just the hitch in his breath sounds amazing. It's as if he sings every noise of pleasure he makes, they come out as delicate notes or, occasionally, loud and melodic lyrics without any real words, and it makes Josh crazy. The latter is always his favourite, when he manages to coax them out of him. Josh cannot wait to have Tyler under him, with his legs wrapped around his waist, to hear the noises he can tear from him, but that will have to wait. 

Finally, he pulls back from Tyler's neck to admire the huge, angry, bright purple bruise he's left there, still stroking him through his boxers at an almost lazy speed. He ducks his head again, this time circling this tongue around one nipple, then the other, then rolling them each between his teeth in turn, Tyler making delicious noises at his actions and hips still bucking against Josh's hand. 

"C'mon, Ty, we'll run out of hot water if we don't get in soon," he chuckles, withdrawing his hand from the sweatpants.

Josh pulls his own shirt off over his head, and Tyler's hands are on him right away. He ghosts his fingers across Josh's chest, trailing them down his abs, then uses his fingernails to trace over the skin so lightly it raises in goosebumps. Josh shivers at the sensation and Tyler smiles at this until he sees him pulling down his jeans and boxers. 

Tyler's eyes go wide and his mouth hangs open as he stares, drinking in every inch of him. Josh gives a gentle chuckle as Tyler closes the distance between them, his fingers moving to stroke along the lines of Josh's pelvic muscles, following them down, down, down, but Josh takes his hands before they reach their destination. 

"This is all about you, baby," Josh grins, pulling the sweatpants down over the hip bones that jut out from Tyler's skin so that they fall to the floor and he steps out of them, then Tyler pulls off his underwear.

He is _perfect_. 

Josh takes Tyler by the hand and leads him into the shower, pulling him into his arms under the water that's now beating down at the perfect temperature. Their bodies are pressed flush together as Josh's hands start to rove over his wet skin. He decides he should probably actually get Tyler clean before anything else, even if he does plan on getting him dirty again right after, and he grabs a bottle of shampoo from the shelf in the shower. 

Squirting a little of it into his hands, he massages them through Tyler's hair, finding himself being reminded of the night Hayley had dyed his hair, when she'd sent them to the bathroom and Tyler had washed the bleach out for him. As he massages the shampoo into his scalp, he remembers the way Tyler's hands had lingered on his head that night, and he leans forward to press a gentle kiss to Tyler's forehead before moving him under the stream of water to rinse it out. 

Next, he grabs a bottle of shower gel and empties a generous amount out into his hands to wash the dirt off of Tyler's skin, the perfect excuse to touch every inch of him. He lathers the cream across his chest, fingers tracing the lines of the tattoos he's just discovered there with a smile, then down to his stomach and across his protruding hips. His fingers continue their journey, moving around to Tyler's back and sliding down to grab his ass, a hand on each cheek. Tyler lets out a moan in surprise and bites his lip, and Josh can't wait any longer. 

He wraps a hand, still slick and soapy, around Tyler's cock and smiles as he bucks his hips forward into the feeling with a quiet groan. Josh presses another kiss to his forehead and starts slowly stroking him up and down, wrapping his free arm around Tyler's shoulders to pull him closer. Tyler's hands come up to wrap around Josh's neck as he stares down, watching Josh's every movement. They stay like this for a few minutes, Josh keeping his pace torturously slow, until Tyler lets out a needy whine and bucks his hips forward again. 

Enough teasing, Josh thinks to himself, and his hand starts jerking faster, building a rhythm. Tyler's eyes close and his head falls back against the wall of the shower as his breathing quickens, and Josh decides to press his own cock up against Tyler's and fist them both in his hand, the friction and Tyler's throbbing against him feeling amazing. But it's Tyler's reaction that really gratifies him, the sharp gasp and the long, low cry he makes as he bucks his hips forward into Josh's hand over and over as if the feeling of the two of them pressed together like this is the most pleasure he's ever experienced. 

He's biting his lip now, letting out these breathy little whines that go straight to Josh's dick. He could listen to Tyler moan forever. He leans in to nibble at Tyler's ear as his hand picks up the pace, relishing the whimpers that meet his actions. 

"Don't hold back, okay, Ty?" Josh breathes into his ear, his own hips thrusting forward a little now into the feeling of Tyler's length throbbing against his, "I wanna hear you."

The tortured, keening noise this wrenches from Tyler makes his own length throb with desire against him. 

"That's it, baby," Josh groans out, fisting them both faster, Tyler's hips bucking forward into his hand relentlessly now, eyes closed and breaths coming in short, sharp gasps. 

"Please, Josh, please," he cries out, and the sound of his name moaned with desperation from Tyler's lips is the single most wonderful thing Josh has ever heard. 

His hand stops in its tracks and he can't help but grin at Tyler's wail of protest as he pulls away, but it's soon replaced by a gasp as he gets down onto his knees in front of him. 

Tyler picks up his chorus of, "Please, Josh, please, please," once more, hips bucking forward, and Josh obliges. 

He doesn't waste time teasing him now, immediately taking Tyler's cock into his mouth and down his throat, groaning a little as the boy's hips jerk forward and taking him down to the hilt until Josh's nose is pressed against Tyler's stomach. He gets to work right away, a hand on each of Tyler's hips as he sucks him up and down, the squeals he's making enough to keep Josh on his knees in front of him forever. 

"Fuck, Josh, please!" he yells, and Josh thinks it's the first time he's ever heard Tyler curse. 

Pleased with himself, he increases his speed, Tyler's hands fisting in his hair and tugging gently while his hips buck with more urgency. Josh starts groaning gently as his mouth mouth works faster, knowing the little vibrations it'll send through Tyler's length will only add to his pleasure, and looking up to watch his face as he teeters on the edge of climax. He sees the signs before Tyler does, the way he gently trembles, the way his grip in Josh's hair tightens to a painful degree, the way his hip movements stutter and lose their rhythm, and he starts to suck harder, move faster, wants to tip him over the edge. 

"Josh. Fuck, Josh, I'm gonna-," Tyler doesn't even have time to finish his sentence before he's coming, and Josh can't help but let out a moan as he tastes his release. 

He swallows around him and keeps sucking, slowing down to get him through his orgasm until Tyler's pushing him away from oversensitivity. Then he's sliding down the wall of the shower, calling to Josh's mind the memory of himself doing the same thing in Tyler's dorm room a week ago. He chuckles softly and reaches up to shut off the water, pulling Tyler into his arms on the floor of the shower. 

"Holy... That was, I mean. Wow," he babbles, burying his face in Josh's neck. 

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself," Josh grins, running a hand up and down his spine and letting him catch his breath before he's pulling him to his feet. 

He grabs them a towel each, wrapping Tyler's around his body and kissing his forehead before seeing to his own. He leaves the room for a second and returns with boxers, laughing to see that Tyler's still in the exact same spot looking dazed. 

"You okay, baby?" Josh asks, handing Tyler a pair of underwear. 

"Amazing!" Tyler smiles, shaking himself from his stupor and taking off his towel to dry himself thoroughly before stepping into the boxers. 

Josh slips on his own and leads Tyler by the hand back into the living room. Already, he can see Tyler's eyelids growing heavier and heavier from his sleepless night. He grabs a DVD and sticks it in the player, then brings Tyler back over to the couch, throwing himself down and sprawling out so that Tyler can fit between his legs and lay his head on Josh's chest. As he curls up into him, Josh pulls the duvet back over them and presses another kiss to Tyler's forehead, reaching for the pack of cigarettes on the table and lighting one as he runs his fingers through Tyler's wet hair. 

Tyler drifts off almost immediately, and he's half asleep as he mutters something into Josh's chest. It's quiet and muffled against his skin, and Josh can't be certain over the noise of Fight Club playing in the background, but he's pretty confident he hears it. 

"I love you, Josh."


	15. Forgiving

Tyler jerks awake from a dream about Brendon, disorientated and panicking. 

They'd been arguing, screaming at one another until their voices were hoarse, then suddenly Tyler had fallen from a tree...

His head whips around in the dark as he realises he has no idea where he is, only to find Josh sprawled out and fast asleep on the couch under him, and his fear dissipates straight away. The sight of him replacing the hammering of Tyler's heart with a pleasant fluttering instead. 

He leans back down onto Josh's chest, wide awake but perfectly content to just lie there until Josh wakes up. His mind floats back to the shower they'd shared just before he'd fallen asleep, and the hammering in his heart starts up again, this time having nothing to do with fear. Tyler lifts a hand to run it over the smooth skin of Josh's chest and Josh stirs at the touch, opening his eyes to smile at Tyler and then leaning down to press one of his kisses to Tyler's forehead. 

"Hey, stranger," Josh whispers to him. "You wanna go get into bed?" he asks with a stretch, and Tyler nods as Josh stands up to lead them into his bedroom. 

Tyler can't see much of the room in the dark, but he does spy a drum kit sitting in the corner, glinting in the glow of the streetlight outside the bedroom window. He can't wait to see Josh play again. The way he drums is mesmerising, and Tyler's pretty sure he could watch him all day. 

Turning back to Josh as he feels a tug on his hand, Tyler lets himself be led over to the bed, where Josh wraps his arms around his body and collapses down onto the bed with a sigh, dragging Tyler down with him. Tyler giggles as he shuffles himself back on the bed to press as much of his body into Josh's as possible, the feeling of their bare skin against each other making him shiver. He doesn't think he's ever felt more content as Josh spoons him, letting the slow, deep breaths against his neck carry him over into sleep. 

*****

When Tyler wakes again, it's Josh's hands gently shaking him that pulls him from his sleep. He groans, rolling around in the sheets to face him. 

"Good morning, sleepyhead," Josh coos, trailing little kisses across his face. "Sorry to wake you, but I have work this morning."

Tyler lets out a whine of protest as he wraps his arms around Josh's shoulders and pulls him in to cling to his body. He hears Josh chuckle. 

"I know, I'm terrible," Josh lets out a sigh. "Listen, you don't have to go back yet, if you don't want to. You can stay here. I won't be back until this evening, but there's food in the fridge and a TV in the living room. You're welcome to chill here until I get home."

As wonderful as the thought is, Tyler knows he can't afford to miss any classes, and he knows he'll have to deal with Brendon sooner or later. He lets out another groan at the thought. 

"No, it's okay, I've got English this morning," he croaks, rubbing his eyes and sitting up in the bed. 

"Okay, I'll get you some clothes and run you over before work," Josh smiles, pressing his lips to Tyler's forehead. 

It's a simple gesture, Josh's forehead kiss. Nothing over the top, not a grand gesture, but it means so much to Tyler. There always seems to be so much feeling behind it, so many unspoken words to go along with the peck of lips to his skin, always right in the middle of his forehead, and the frequency with which he gives them to Tyler makes his heart flutter. It seems both protective and comforting, a gesture of romance and of caring, a promise. Tyler can't see himself ever growing tired of Josh's lips on his forehead. 

He's torn from his thoughts by a t-shirt being thrown over his head and Josh's warm laughter. With a smile, he yanks it off of his face and sticks his tongue out at the thrower. 

"C'mon, up you get. Time to get dressed," Josh coaxes, and Tyler hauls himself out of the comfort of his bed with great difficulty. 

Every pair of jeans Josh owns is simultaneously too big and too small for Tyler, the waist gaping while the legs end about three inches above his ankles, so he opts for the black sweatpants he wore yesterday, and one of Josh's black hoodies. It's too big on him, lined with a soft, grey fuzz and it smells of Josh. It feels like a cuddle as Tyler pulls it on and he hopes Josh isn't too attached to this particular garment, as he very much doubts he'll ever be getting it back. 

They have a quick breakfast, Josh toasting some pancakes for them. Tyler can't remember the last time he ate anything at 8am, but he can hardly refuse a breakfast made by Josh, and so he struggles through his plate of food with a smile. Josh talks animatedly about a new SJC drumhead that's coming into the store today, but Tyler only half pays attention. His thoughts have turned, with the ticking of the clock, to Brendon. 

He feels nauseated with worry at the idea of having to face him. What could he possibly say? Is there anything he wants to hear from Brendon, anything that can make this better? He wants their friendship to go back to normal, but he doesn't see how it could after this. How could he go back to trusting him so completely after having had his trust broken so completely? The anxious thoughts must show on his face, because Josh looks concerned. 

"Hey, Ty, is everything alright?" Josh leans across the table to cover Tyler's hand with his own. "You know you don't have to go, right?"

But he does. He can't hide forever, his problems follow him no matter where he goes. He looks up from his empty plate to meet Josh's eyes and attempts a smile. 

"I'm alright, Jish," he smiles. 

Josh gives his hand a squeeze and grins back. 

"If you say so," he removes his hand from Tyler's and stands up. "I'm proud of you, you know that? I don't know what Brendon did, but I know he hurt you, and I'm really proud of you for staying strong."

Tyler lets out a snort of laughter at this. "Strong?! Josh, you found me crying in the woods."

"Yes. Strong. He's your best friend, Ty. I know you joke about him being an ass and all, but I can tell how much he means to you. It really sucks when the people you love hurt you, and you're doing really well," Josh beams at him, grabbing his hands and pulling him to his feet to plant a kiss on his lips. 

As much as the words may seem patronising, Tyler adores him for it. He needed to hear it, that someone else understands his pain, that someone is _proud of him_. The fact that Josh is saying these things to him after seeing him so weak yesterday means even more to him. 

"Thank you, Josh," Tyler says earnestly. "Thank you for looking after me. For finding me. For letting me stay. You're so good to me."

Josh pulls him in for a hug at that, squeezing around his waist and lifting him off his feet a little. 

"No need to thank me, Ty. I'm just doing my job," he plants a kiss to Tyler's forehead and his heart flutters again. "Now as much as I hate it, I really need to get to work and you really need to get to class."

*****

Tyler is only a few minutes late as he walks in to his English lecture, but Dr Hiles still glares at him. 

"So nice of you to show up, Mr Joseph," he announces to the room and Tyler shrinks a little as he stands in the doorway. "Now, if you'll kindly take your seat, I'll thank you not to disrupt my class any further."

Tyler slinks into an empty seat near the door, avoiding his regular spot and ignoring Brendon, who he knows is sitting staring at him. He grabs a notebook from his backpack that he'd had a chance to grab from the, thankfully empty, dorm room before he headed to class, takes out a pen and, with a sigh, resigns himself to taking notes on everything his professor says. He knows he's going to have a lot of work to do when he gets back to the dorm. He really needs to buy himself those books. 

*****

Three hours later, they get an hour for lunch and Brendon rushes straight over to him before he can even pack away his things. 

"Tyler, _please_ , can we talk?" he implores, and Tyler looks up at him. 

He realises, with a twinge of guilt, that Brendon doesn't look like he's slept a wink. His eyes have heavy bags hanging under them and look almost bruised with the blackish blue hue in the inner corners. They look sunken, as though he's a corpse that's been dressed up nice for a funeral. The voice in Tyler's head tells him, 'it serves him right', but he quashes it immediately. 

"Yeah, we need to. Just a sec," Tyler stands and shoves his belongings into his backpack, hiking it up on his shoulders. The movement causing a cloud of Josh's scent to rush from the hoody he's wearing and surround him. He feels calmer already. 

Brendon grabs his hand and leads him from the class, taking him to a quiet area of the hallway outside the lecture hall, and turns to him. 

"Tyler, I am so fucking sorry, you have no idea, I am a fucking idiot and I will do anything, I'm so sorry, I'm a shitty friend, I'm sorry, I am so stupid and it was a shitty thing to do and I'm sorry."

It all comes out in one breath, Brendon's face twisting up with a mixture of guilt and sadness as he rambles out the words. Tyler feels tears stinging his eyes and he doesn't know what to say. What is there to say? After a deep breath, Brendon continues.

"She came over looking for you, but then you weren't there and I apologised to her because you told me she hates me and you like her so much and I didn't want your friend to hate me and so I'm telling her I'm sorry and she's getting all sad and saying that she's sorry she was a bitch to me or whatever because of her boyfriend and that they'd broken up and then she starts _crying_ , and I mean what am I supposed to do?" Brendon pauses to take another deep breath, then goes on, "So I give her a hug and sit her on your bed, and it was only your bed because I didn't want her to think I was trying anything, I swear to God Tyler! But then she's kissing me and I didn't even think, I wasn't even thinking, of course I wasn't I was being a fucking idiot, and then we're kissing and then you walk in, and I _swear_ , Tyler, that's all that happened, it was just that one time, and as soon as you left I ran after you, that's all that happened and **I'm so sorry**!" Brendon finally finishes, gasping for breath. 

Honestly, Tyler's just impressed he didn't pass out from how little he was breathing throughout his spiel. They stand there for a couple of seconds, looking at one another, Brendon still catching his breath, and then Tyler grabs him and pulls him in for a hug, the tears that have been threatening to spill over finally running down his cheeks. 

"I'm sorry I scared you," Tyler replies meekly, still clinging to Brendon. 

"You don't have anything to be sorry for!" Brendon cries, giving Tyler a tight squeeze before breaking away. "I really am so, so fucking sorry, I swear to God, I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you." 

"It's fine," Tyler tells him, hastily wiping the tears from his face.

It isn't. Not really. It still hurts that his best friend broke a promise, he still has his doubts, the voice in his head telling him 'he's lying, they've been getting together behind your back, he breaks his stupid promises all the time', but he can't bear to let it ruin their friendship, so he puts a smile on his face and lets Brendon buy him lunch in the college café. 

He takes a seat while Brendon approaches the counter, and when he returns he brings Tyler a tray filled with packets of chips, a can of Red Bull and one of every candy bar they sell. He laughs at the sight and this makes Brendon smile, then picks up a Snickers bar to unwrap. 

"So what about Ryan? Does he know what happened?" Tyler asks with a mouthful of chocolate. Brendon grimaces. 

"Not yet. I've asked him to come round later and I'm gonna tell him then. I mean, we're not official or anything, it's not like he's my boyfriend. But I figure he should know."

Tyler nods in agreement and takes another bite of his candy bar, lost in thought. 

"I'm glad you and Hayley are getting along, anyway," Tyler muses after a moment's silence. "Maybe a little better than I expected, but it's an improvement on hatred."

Brendon lets out a nervous chuckle at this, "I dunno man, I haven't even seen her since that night. I ran after you at first, but you were fucking _fast_ , man. So I went back to find her so we could look for you together, but then when we couldn't find you anywhere she took off to her dorm and I haven't seen her since."

"She was the one who called Josh," Tyler adds, eating more of his chocolate. He isn't even hungry, but Brendon must have spent about twenty dollars on candy bars as a peace offering. It would have been rude not to eat at least one. 

He feels his phone vibrate from the pocket of Josh's sweatpants and pulls it out to check the screen. 

"Speak of the devil!" he giggles, bringing his phone up to the table to open Josh's text as his phone vibrates with a second. 

Josh: **I hope everything is okay xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Josh: **those are all over your face btw x**

Tyler can't hold in the squeal that erupts from him as he reads the messages, hiding his face in his hands as he grins so wide his cheeks ache. Through the gaps between his fingers, he can see Brendon looking at him expectantly. 

"What'd he say?" he asks with a smile, but Tyler just shakes his head. 

Brendon looks a little disappointed at this, but he isn't ready to dive back into their friendship with full force, not yet. He still has his doubts. It's not that he doesn't _want_ to trust Brendon, he would love nothing more than for them to return to their old dynamic, all snarky comments and laughter and sharing absolutely everything. It's just that he can't quiet the voice in his head telling him that one broken promise can only lead to more, that he needs to be more careful, that he was stupid to believe that anyone could really care that much about him. 

As if he can read Tyler's thoughts, Brendon looks down for a second, digging around in his bag until he finds what he's searching for, and passes Tyler over a familiar little brown bottle that rattles in his hand. 

"I knew you wouldn't have taken any yesterday," Brendon mutters to him across the table in a hushed tone. "You should take some now to make up for it. But wait at least twelve hours before the next ones."

Tyler feels like crying. Even when he was being childish and stupid, even when he was ignoring Brendon's calls and leaving him with no idea where he was, even when he was refusing to sit beside him in class and doubting that he ever cared, Brendon was still looking out for him. He shakes a couple of pills out of the bottle and swallows them with his Red Bull, stuffing the bottle into his bag.

"I have something else for you," Brendon says to him, a hint of a smirk on his face. "Don't get too excited, it's not anything fun, but I know you were stressed out about it and there's this bookstore called Follett's on campus. I think you'd actually really like it."

He's digging around in his bag again, and he pulls out all five of the Shakespeare plays Dr Hiles had told them to buy during their first week, sliding them across the table to him. 

"I know it's a shitty present, and they're used, but it's better than nothing, right?" he asks, giving Tyler a shy smile. 

Without a word, Tyler pushes his chair out from the table and circles around it to throw his arms around his friend, feeling like he could cry again. How could he have doubted for even a second that Brendon cares about him? Aside from his parents, Brendon does more for him than anyone else on the planet. Brendon, who turned down better universities to stay with him, who got them a room together so that Tyler could cope, who would always drop everything in an instant for him if Tyler needed him. 

"It's the best present ever," Tyler grins, squeezing him tight before straightening back up. 

"You're full of shit," Brendon laughs, but he looks both relieved and delighted. 

"C'mon, we should be heading back to class," Tyler warns him, checking the time on his phone. "Maybe I'll actually understand a thing Hiles says now!"

"Doubtful, it _is_ Shakespeare, after all," he laughs again. "Hang on," Brendon grabs all the uneaten chocolate and chips from the table, stuffing them into his bag. "I spent all my money on those God damn books, this is our food for the rest of the week."

A little pang of guilt twinges in Tyler's stomach at the words, and he makes a mental note to surprise Brendon with McDonalds double cheeseburgers at some point this week as he puts the plays Brendon bought him into his backpack and throws it over his shoulder. 

On their way back to class he sends Josh a quick reply to his texts. 

Tyler: **Everything is great. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

And it is. 

*****

Exhausted, after another few hours of their English professor droning on about hubris and fatal flaws, they finally make their way back to their dorm building to get stuck into the essay questions they've been given to work on. 

As they pass the neglected noticeboard that hangs on the wall by the elevator in their building, a new notice catches Tyler's eye. There hasn't been a single thing pinned to it since they arrived, but now an A4 piece of paper with large, bolded, black letters printed on it hangs there. Tyler takes a moment to read it as they wait for the elevator to make its way down to them. 

" **BREAKING AND ENTERING INTO ANY OF THE BUILDINGS ON UNIVERSITY GROUNDS IS AN OFFENCE PUNISHABLE BY LAW**."

Tyler can't help the great, big belly laugh that rips through him and Brendon raises his eyebrows. 

"Do you know something about this?" he asks, voice raised and high pitched. 

"I'll tell you upstairs," Tyler assures him, holding his phone up to take a picture of it. Once he gets it, he sends it to Josh with a text. 

Tyler: **[You have received a multimedia message]**

Tyler: **We're criminals. x**

*****

Tuesday's classes are much, much easier to follow than they have been up until now, with the play finally in front of him. Tyler is so grateful for the books. He knows that, even secondhand, they didn't come cheap, he knows that Brendon is hardly rich, he knows that Brendon then went on to spend what was probably the rest of his money for a while on candy for him. It isn't the physical things that Tyler is so thankful for, material possessions aren't everything. 

It's the fact that Brendon was willing to put himself out so much just to make a gesture for Tyler. It's the fact that their friendship means enough to Brendon that he would spend all his money on Tyler to apologise over something like breaking a pinky promise. It's the fact that Brendon spent his day on Sunday worrying enough about Tyler that he went to dig around in the used section of a bookstore for him 

It's almost as if the whole mess has brought them even closer. As much as it shook Tyler's confidence in their friendship at first, it has also given him proof of just how much Brendon cares about him. As much as it still hurts a little that their promise was broken, the way Brendon has been trying so hard to earn Tyler's forgiveness is a testament to how much Tyler means to him. In a way, Tyler's glad everything happened the way it did. 

They both sit at their desks tapping away on their laptops that evening, still working on the essay questions set by their professor. Dr Hiles has been talking about catharsis today. The class was working through Macbeth, and the teacher had gone on and on about how Shakespeare used his prose to set a cathartic tone for the play. Tyler had scribbled down a note on the corner of a page in his notebook of one thing in particular Dr Hiles had said that really resonated with him. 

"Catharsis is an emotional discharge through which one can achieve a state of moral or spiritual renewal, or a liberation from anxiety and stress. Catharsis is a cleansing."

And that is exactly what music is to Tyler. Writing lyrics to rid his mind of unwanted thoughts, playing melodies to express emotions too intense for words. Music was Tyler's catharsis. And for the first time in his life, Tyler found himself hating Shakespeare a little less. Old Billy wasn't so bad, really. 

*****

On Wednesday morning, Brendon heads down to music while Tyler stays in bed. Brendon had been a lot quieter than usual since Monday night. He and Ryan had gotten into a huge fight over the whole Hayley-and-Brendon-kissing ordeal. Apparently Ryan had been of the opinion that they were a little more official than Brendon had said. Brendon doesn't let on, doesn't really mention it, but Tyler can tell it's upsetting him. Apparently Ryan wasn't as quick to forgive as Tyler had been. 

Tyler should really be spending his day off working on the essay he needs to hand in by the end of the week, but he's had enough of William Shakespeare and his stupid classics to last him a lifetime, and so he sends Josh a text. The idea of spending a day with him is a much more attractive prospect than another day with Macbeth.

Tyler: **Hey Jishwa. I have a day off today if you wanna do something? x**

Josh takes a full five minutes to reply, which is the longest wait Tyler's ever had for one of his texts. It makes him a little nervous. He knows Josh has the day off work, he'd told him so on Monday morning. Is Josh ignoring him? Does he not want to see Tyler? Was his behaviour on Sunday enough to scare him off? The sound of his phone buzzing from beside him jolts him from his thoughts. 

Josh: **I got new drumheads today! Im practicing but youre welcome to come over. I prolly wont hear the bell but the doors open just come on in x**

Tyler jumps up from his chair at the desk as soon as he reads the words on his screen. Josh is drumming. Tyler has a chance to hear him play again. He doesn't even bother crossing the room to the mirror to check his appearance, he just pulls on a pair of ripped, black jeans from the floor, throws on one of his tank tops with the ridiculously low cut arm holes, yanks Josh's hoody over the top, shoves his feet into his vans and almost runs out the door. 

Josh's apartment building is only a ten minute walk away, but it feels like hours as Tyler walks it so fast the muscles in his legs start to burn. He can't miss him playing. He needs to get there as quickly as possible.

When he finally reaches the steps outside his building, he expects to hear drumming from the street, but there's no sign of any. Heart sinking a little, he runs up the steps and into the building, not even patient enough to wait for the elevator. He runs up five flights of stairs, huffing for breath as he finally reaches Josh's floor and makes his way to the front door of his apartment. Still nothing. 

It isn't until he pushes the door open that he finally hears his instrument. He listens as a slow, chilled beat comes from the bedroom at the back of the apartment. It seems unusual for Josh, who had drummed with so much energy when he and Tyler had snuck into the music building. 

As he closes the door behind him, the song Josh is drumming along to hits it's chorus and suddenly the drumming crescendos to a pounding and thrashing Tyler instantly recognises as Toxicity by System of a Down, a song he and his brother Zack used to jump around to in the bedroom they'd shared as teenagers. Suddenly filled with an excitement so strong it makes him shudder, Tyler races down the hall and bursts into Josh's bedroom, yelling the lyrics to the song. 

"NOW, SOMEWHERE BETWEEN THE SACRED SILENCE, SACRED SILENCE AND SLEEP!"

Josh's grin is huge as he sees Tyler, but he doesn't stop, doesn't even falter, and Tyler finds himself singing along with him to the very end of the song. 

"You're really good, Josh," Tyler tells him as his drumming finally ceases, panting a little from all the shouting he's done. "Like, _really_ good."

Josh's grin grows even bigger, something Tyler hadn't thought possible, and he moves from behind his kit to cross the room and pull him into a sweaty hug, pressing a kiss to Tyler's forehead. 

"Thanks, Ty," he huffs, worn out with the effort he's just put into drumming the song. "Yo, that was sick! I didn't have you down as a System fan," Josh smiles down at him and Tyler pulls back from their hug. 

"I'm just full of surprises, aren't I?" Tyler teases, leaning in to trace his lips across the fading purple mark he left on Josh's neck on Saturday night. 

"You really are," Josh chuckles, his hands move to Tyler's back to pull him back into his body. 

Tyler thinks for a second before speaking up again. "You know, as great as that was, I prefer it when you're playing your own stuff. You put more of yourself into it," he muses, lips going back to their absent minded trailing across Josh's neck. 

"Y'anno, that actually means a helluva lot to me. Thanks, Ty," he grins, giving Tyler a squeeze. "The same goes for you. You put so much of your soul into the music you play. It really shows. Even just through one song."

Tyler feels himself blushing furiously at Josh's words and gives him a crooked smile. "Thanks, Jishwa."

They spend the day on Josh's couch, eating the Doritos he bought on Sunday, drinking Red Bulls and just talking. They talk about how hard it is to be a grown up sometimes, about how difficult college is and how much of a jerk-off Shakespeare was. They talk about how much they miss being kids, how Josh misses skating down this one hill near his parents' house and juice boxes and funfairs, and how Tyler misses the woods by his childhood home, how wonderful the trees were to climb, the creek he and his brother used to spend their afternoons by and how he'd always planned to build a treehouse there. 

Their conversation moves on to music, and they spend hours and hours on the topic, talking long after the sun has set about their hopes and dreams. Tyler tells him how desperately he wants to dedicate his life to music, how he'd even spend his days busking on the street if it meant he could spend his time playing, and Josh agrees with him. The music store is simply a means of income, he tells Tyler his dreams to one day tour the whole world, playing sold out shows every night and have people he doesn't know playing along to his drumming. 

Tyler tells him things he has never shared with anyone before, goes into more detail than even his own thoughts have previously. They talk into the night, both of them sharing fantasies that overlap in almost every way. Tyler knows they're just pipe dreams, unattainable ideals that will never come to fruition. But on that couch with Josh, the two of them talking so openly about what they want for the future, for the first time in Tyler's life, it almost seems possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drum track to Toxicity: https://youtu.be/VJZhbCweFHE
> 
> Sorry. But the thought of Josh drumming this excites me.


	16. Raining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's, like, a detailed how-to on joint rolling in this chapter. Just ignore that if you're 13 or something. Drugs are bad, m'kay? Unless you're 18+, then smoke all the weed you want.

They talk until after three o'clock in the morning. Tyler is so lost in their conversation that he lets out a, "Jesus Christ!" as he catches sight of the clock on the living room wall. He'd lost all sense of time passing as they spoke, but now that he's made himself aware of the time, he's yawning. 

"We should get you home," Josh decides, stifling a yawn himself, as he glances at the clock.

"I didn't even realise how tired I was," Tyler tells him, stretching himself out on the couch. "I don't have classes tomorrow, I might just sleep all day."

"I could make that happen," Josh smirks. 

Tyler gives him a quizzical look as Josh leans forward to pull something out of one of the drawers in the coffee table in front of him. He produces a long, black plate that holds a pouch of tobacco, a packet of king sized skins and a small, resealable baggy of green buds that smell a little like cat pee. To Tyler, anyway. 

"You up for it?" Josh asks with a sly grin. 

Tyler thinks back to the night of the frat party at Sigma Chi and his first experience with smoking. He recalls the euphoria, the laughter, that funny, floaty feeling that made it seem as though he were drifting a few inches above the ground. He had loved the way it made him feel. 

"Heck yes!" he exclaims, and Josh laughs. 

"Sweet! Just lemme roll and then I'll drive you back," Josh says, still smiling. "It's better to smoke there, then you can go straight to bed. This stuff'll make you sleepy as frick."

He gets to work, and Tyler watches with wonder as Josh rolls, having never seen it done before. He sets down one of the long skins, ripping a square of card off the packet it came from and rolling it into a little tube to set at the end of the paper. Next, he pulls out a pinch of tobacco from the pouch and lays it down on the skin. 

"I wouldn't normally put tobacco in a joint," he explains to Tyler as he realises he's being watched, "but it means you'll be able to handle it better. It shouldn't make you choke as much, either."

Tyler just nods and goes back to staring at Josh's hands as they work. He lifts up a device Tyler hadn't even noticed, a sort of short, fat cylinder, and takes its lid off to reveal lots of little, metal teeth inside. He opens his baggy and breaks off a few little buds to place them inside. After closing it and twisting it around for a while, he opens another compartment where the weed now sits, ground down to a powder. Tyler feels like he's watching a fine operation or a ritual as Josh sprinkles a generous helping of the green powder onto the tobacco sitting in the rolling paper, then tops it off with a little more tobacco. 

He watches even more intently as Josh picks the whole thing up, and with skilled hands he rolls it between his thumbs and forefingers until it forms a long cone. His tongue comes out now to lick a stripe along the edge of the skin, and Tyler gets too distracted by this to see what he does after that. Next thing he knows, Josh is popping the joint behind his ear and tidying away his gear. 

"Wow," Tyler utters eventually. "You gotta teach me to do that some day!"

"Yeah, okay, deal!" Josh smiles, standing from the couch and holding out his hands to pull Tyler up with him. 

As Tyler gets to his feet, Josh gives his forehead a kiss, then they both slip on their shoes and head for the door. Tyler would much prefer to be spending the night in Josh's bed, but he knows he has work again the next morning, and Tyler's not sure he'd be able to let Josh get much sleep. They jog down stairs and out the door into the cold night air, the sudden temperature change waking Tyler up a bit. He grabs Josh's hand as they walk towards his car, just wanting some kind of physical contact with him. Every second he spends with Josh that isn't spent touching him in some way seems like something of a wasted opportunity. Josh threads his fingers through Tyler's and gives his hand a squeeze, but only seconds later he's letting go again as they reach the car. 

The drive only takes about two minutes, Josh resting his hand on Tyler's thigh the whole way. This seems to be their default driving arrangement. Tyler finds himself adoring the little things that have become commonplace between them now. Josh's lips on his forehead, his hand on Tyler's thigh as they drive, the kisses at the end of their text messages, their nicknames for one another. He loves that they have their own little 'Tyler and Josh' things already. He loves that his first ever relationship is with someone so perfect in so many ways. Like he bought his very first scratch card and won the jackpot. 

Josh pulls into a space by the entrance of Tyler's dorm building and they leave the car to go sit on the steps leading up to the door. The moon is huge above them, although Tyler can't see any stars because of the lights surrounding the building. He's staring up at it, lost in thought, as he hears the 'click' and 'whoosh' of Josh's lighter and a cloud of familiar smelling smoke engulfs him.

"You really like the sky at night, huh?" Josh smiles, his hand going back to sit on Tyler's thigh. 

"I always have," Tyler shrugs, tearing his eyes from the moon to look at Josh instead. He nods for Tyler to go on. "I always used to wish I could go to the moon as a kid. It was just so big and bright and beautiful, I figured it would be like standing on a giant lightbulb when I got there. I guess, with the stars and everything, it all just reminds me of how small I am, as you put it. It puts things into perspective, y'know? Like, yeah okay, I don't like Macbeth, but _who cares_ , I mean in the grand scheme of things that's such a stupid worry, none of it even matters. That sounds more depressing than it's meant to, I just-"

"No, I totally get it," Josh interrupts. "I used to want to be a star explorer when I was a kid. I mean, that's not even a thing, but that's what I told everyone I was gonna be. In my little spaceship, finding all these new places and making friends with aliens. I mean I still want that, it'd be totally kickass," he lets out a laugh with a breath of smoke, "but I totally get it. It makes everything feel really insignificant, like our whole planet is just this tiny little speck from out there. There's something comforting about it. Like, no matter how monumentally you might fuck up, it doesn't _really_ matter."

Tyler's staring at him in such awe that he doesn't even realise Josh is passing him the joint until he waves it in his face, and he takes it between his fingers. It never fails to amaze him, just how much Josh always understands. He listens without judgement, he empathises, he sympathises, he thinks and feels so much of the same stuff Tyler does. It's like they're two halves of the same whole. Maybe that's why he feels like a part of him is missing when they aren't together. 

"That's it. That's exactly it," he tells him, then turns his attention to the joint burning in his fingers. 

He remembers Josh's instructions from the party and carries out the steps. Take a draw, breathe in air, blow out smoke. Josh was right, he doesn't choke this time. As he takes a few more draws, he feels the familiar floating sensation and everything around him becomes so much more wonderful. After another couple of draws, he begins to feel lightheaded and passes the joint back to Josh so he can lay back on the steps. It's uncomfortable and he shuffles around for a few moments, trying to find a position that doesn't hurt, before Josh pats his lap and Tyler rests his head on his leg. 

Josh smiles down at him as he smokes, taking a draw and exhaling right into Tyler's face with a giggle. 

"That's not very polite!" Tyler complains, scrunching up his face, and Josh leans down to give him a kiss. 

"You are so darn cute, I swear to God," Josh chuckles, taking another draw, then holding the joint to Tyler's lips so he can take one too. 

"You know, I think you might just be the best thing that's ever happened to me, Jishwa," Tyler smiles up at him after exhaling his lungful of smoke. 

Josh is blowing out a stream of smoke himself, about to reply, when Tyler spies something moving in the distance and sits up, peering out into the darkness. 

"Oh, _frick_ ," Tyler half shouts, as he sees a uniformed security guard making his way over to the building from across the car park. 

He and Josh don't seem to have much luck with the security on campus. He grabs the still burning joint from Josh's hand and throws it to the bottom of the steps, ignoring Josh's, "Hey!", and gets quickly to his feet. He takes Josh's hand and yanks him to his feet, and as he sees what has Tyler in such a panic he adds an, "Oh, shit!" for good measure. Tyler throws open the door and runs inside, pulling Josh with him, both of them laughing uncontrollably as they run up a few flights of stairs. 

They halt in the stairwell, Tyler holding his breath to listen for a voice calling from downstairs, but none comes. Then Josh is roughly pushing him up against the wall to kiss him. His lips clash against Tyler's with force, a sense of desperation behind them as he pushes Tyler back into the wall harder. He grabs Tyler's wrists, one in each hand, and pins them to the wall above his head, holding him there. The action, Josh taking control of him like this, has Tyler moaning and his hips bucking. Josh chuckles against his lips, then opens his mouth to tease his tongue across Tyler's lips. Tyler's mouth opens to let his tongue in, but Josh just continues to gently trail it along his lips, occasionally brushing their lips together but not actually kissing him. 

It's driving Tyler crazy, he wants so much more. Everything seems so much more intense, every inch of his body more sensitive to Josh's touch, under the haze of marijuana. And then Josh is letting his wrists go and pulling away. Tyler lets out a groan at the loss. 

"I'm sorry, baby, but I've got work in about five hours." He presses a kiss to Tyler's forehead, then leans over to whisper in his ear, "I really better go before I start fucking you in the stairwell."

Tyler's cheeks are on fire with the words, as Josh pulls away with a wily smirk and starts jogging back down the stairs. 

"To be continued!" he calls to Tyler over his shoulder, and then he's gone. 

Josh's voice is on repeat, saying the same five words over and over in Tyler's head as he climbs the last few flights of stairs to his dormitory. 'Fucking you in the stairwell.' The words make his heart pound. 

He sneaks into the dorm, shutting the door behind him as quietly as possible so as not to wake his sleeping roommate. He peels off his jeans and kicks off his shoes to slink into bed, still hard from his and Josh's encounter in the stairs. He briefly considers jerking off, but the cloudy haze of cannabis in his brain has him drifting off to sleep before he has a chance. He's pulled from his doze briefly by his phone buzzing on the table by his bed, and he picks it up to read the text. 

Josh: **The joint was gone when I got back outside I bet that asshole security guy is off somewhere getting stoned off MY weed. Dick x**

With a smile, Tyler sets his phone back down on the table, and sleep takes him once more. 

*****

Josh made good on his promise, Tyler sleeps all day. He doesn't wake up until 3pm on Thursday afternoon. He hates sleeping so late, it always makes him feel as though he's wasted the day, although he feels more rested than he has done in weeks. 

He decides he wants to do something with the rest of his day, to make up for spending the first half of it in bed, and writing his Macbeth essay isn't exactly tempting. He lies there for around ten minutes, wracking his brain for some kind of activity that'll turn his squandered day into a wonderful one, but can't think of anything. Except spending time with Josh, that's all he ever really wants to do with his time. He decides to send him a text. 

Tyler: **Hey, you wanna get together when you're done with work? x**

While he waits for Josh's reply, he decides to take a shower. As the hot water beats down on his skin, all he can think about is his shower with Josh on Sunday. Of course, Josh is all he can think about at the best of times, these days, but this is intense. He gets shampoo in his eyes, _twice_ , and almost slips on his ass at one point. He can't help it, all he can think about is Josh's hands on him.

When he gets out he dries himself off well, before heading into the bedroom to get changed. He pulls on a faded grey t-shirt and rummages through all the pairs of jeans he has with him, but ultimately decides to go with leggings again, this time black pair with a white, tribal pattern printed on them. He figures that Josh isn't going to mind him wearing "women's" clothes, he was in leggings the first time they met after all. To finish it off, he pulls the black hoody he's essentially stolen from Josh on over the top. It still smells like him, and it makes Tyler smile. 

When he's dressed, he picks up his phone to see that Josh has replied. 

Josh: **Always. What did you have in mind? x**

Tyler wants to watch the sunset with him. He wants to take him into the forest. He taps out a message back to him and gets a response almost right away this time. 

Tyler: **Meet me by the edge of the forest? x**

Josh: **Its gonna rain Ty x**

Tyler: **Perfect I'll see you there. x**

*****

Josh is already waiting for him at the edge of the forest by the time he gets down there, and he's still wearing his work clothes. It's the same outfit he wore the first time Tyler laid eyes on him, right down to the leather jacket and Doctor Martens. He looks just as gorgeous in it now as he did that day, maybe even a little better with his red hair. He's sitting on the ground with his back up against a tree as Tyler approaches, but when he catches sight of him he jumps to his feet, beaming, and walks over to fling his arms around Tyler and bring him in for a tight hug. 

"Hey, Ty! How was your day?" he asks, letting go and giving Tyler one of his forehead kisses. 

"I don't know, I spent most of it sleeping! You weren't lying, I only got up a couple hours ago," Tyler complains, and Josh chuckles. 

"Well, you did say you wanted to sleep all day!" he reminds him, and Tyler squinches his eyes and sticks his tongue out at him. 

They travel the now familiar path through the forest to their little waterfall, hands held and fingers intertwined. As they approach their destination, Tyler is about to tell Josh he could swear he feels electricity in the air, but before he can even get the words out there's an enormous crack of thunder overhead bringing with it a sudden, torrential downpour. Tyler lets go of Josh's hand and takes off at a run, bursting out into the clearing ahead of them and bursting out laughing. He extends his arms out as far as he can on either side of him, staring up into the rain, watching it fall and catching raindrops on his tongue. 

He catches a flash of lightening this time, and another deafeningly loud crack of thunder rumbles overhead. Tyler isn't cold or uncomfortable, he barely even notices the water dripping from his sloping nose or the droplets of rain clinging to his eyelashes, he simply feels alive. He feels free. The last time he was in these woods, he didn't want to make it back out of them, and now he wants nothing more than to stay alive. It's funny how much things can change in a few days. He closes his eyes, still with his head thrown back, facing the sky, and starts to spin in circles as the rain soaks him. 

Even through closed eyes he sees next flash of lightening, and only a couple of seconds later he hears the thunder to go with it. It sounds as though the sky is about to split in two. The thunderstorm must be close by. His eyes fly open as Josh's arms wrap around his waist and he pulls Tyler against his chest. Josh's hands move to weave down his arms and thread their fingers together. Standing there, back to chest and arms outstretched, Tyler pushes himself right back into him.

"I'm flying, Jack!" he cries out, half of his mouth curling up into a smirk

Josh presses his lips up against the shell of Tyler's ear and whispers, "Let me take you to the stars."

Tyler lets out a shout of laughter at his words and leans his head back on Josh's shoulder, while Josh brings their arms down so he can wrap his around Tyler's waist again. Tyler notices a change in the rain without warning, all of a sudden it's nowhere near as heavy. The clouds above are clearing already and a stunning sunset breaks through, reds, oranges, pinks and purples paint the sky in streaks above them 

"Ty, look!" there's a childlike wonder in Josh's voice as he points to a rainbow in the sky overhead. 

"Oh my God, could this get any gayer?" Tyler laughs

"Yes, definitely," Josh counters, and rolls his hips up into Tyler's, who lets out a moan in surprise. 

He turns in Josh's arms and presses their lips together, one hand snaking around his waist while the other moves up to tangle in his, now very wet, red hair. Josh returns the kiss with gusto, biting Tyler's bottom lip and pulling back a little before pressing his tongue into Tyler's mouth. He never gets used to kissing Josh, no matter how many times they do it. It still makes his heart race and has butterflies erupting in his stomach. Their tongues dance around each other for a while, then Tyler's breaking away to trail little kisses across his jaw, down his neck, tugging at the collar of his shirt to kiss at his collarbone. His body quakes with a little shiver as the cold finally starts to get to him and he's now aware of the fact that he's completely soaked through. Josh pecks another kiss to his lips before leaning over to whisper something in his ear. 

"C'mon, I'm taking you back to mine. I need to get you out of those clothes, for more reasons than one."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always cut it off right when it gets juicy I'm so terrible.
> 
> Also I got _My Heart Will Go On_ by Celine Dion stuck in my head while I was writing that cheesy Titanic shit in the forest, so I'm really sorry if I did that to you, too.


	17. Needing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of back and forth in this chapter, partly to represent the power shift in the heat of the moment, partly to get an insight into how both of them feel. Sorry if it's a little hard to keep up.  
> Here's one for the sin bin, you've all earned it for sticking with this trash through 60k words. Enjoy, I'll see you all in hell.

Josh grabs Tyler's hand and practically drags him out of the forest and back towards his car, both of them grinning, and Josh stopping occasionally to cover Tyler's face in kisses before he pulls him onwards again. 

Their drive back to Josh's apartment is a quiet one, the five minutes it takes to get there feeling like fifty and the tension between them so thick it makes the air feel syrupy to breathe. He puts his hand on Tyler's thigh as he drives, just like he always does, but this time he can't stop himself from slowly inching it higher and higher until his fingers are next to Tyler's crotch. When they finally pull up outside his building, neither of them say a word as they get out and close the doors. 

Josh takes Tyler's hand again as he leads him up the steps, through the doors and over to wait for the elevator. He notices Tyler has started shivering again, and pulls him in close. It reminds him of the first time he and Tyler ever kissed, standing outside his and Hayley's dorm building and Josh with his hair full of red dye. He remembers how Tyler's whole body had been trembling with shivers, the tension that had been between them then too, as Josh had pulled him in for a hug. It was only a few short weeks ago, but it feels like months with how much they've been through since then. He presses a kiss to Tyler's cheek with a smile as the elevator doors slide open to let them in. 

"I am so frickin' cold," Tyler gets out through chattering teeth as they step inside, a drop of water falling from his hair as he speaks. 

"It's alright, we'll get you warmed up soon," Josh smiles at him and pecks a kiss to his cheek as he presses the button for his floor. 

He meant it to sound sweet, but it comes out as more of a growl and has Tyler blushing and looking down at his feet. With a chuckle, he wraps his arm around Tyler's shoulders and pulls him into a sidelong hug as the elevator comes to a stop and opens to let them out again. Josh takes Tyler's hand in his again, fingers intertwined, and leads him to his front door, unlocking it and letting them in. 

"Kids, I'm home!" he calls out, and he hears a faint meow from the living room.

Tyler giggles from beside him and lets go of his hand to follow the noise. Josh hears his high pitched coos as he greets the kittens, and it makes his heart swell. Immediately going to the closet by his front door to turn on the heating, he then heads after Tyler and into the living room. 

**-**

Tyler is tickling both kittens under their chins, one with each hand, as they lie on the couch curled up together. He looks up to see Josh walking in and grins at him, his red hair is soaked and sticking flat to his head. Even drenched and bedraggled, he still looks gorgeous. Josh always looks gorgeous. 

"Your babies are so cute," Tyler tells him, scrunching up his face. 

"They are, but you're definitely cuter," Josh gushes, holding his hands out to Tyler where he's crouched on the floor next to the couch. "C'mon, let's get you dry."

He lets himself be led first to Josh's bathroom, where he gets a towel thrown over his head and Josh does his best to dry off their hair a little, then to Josh's bedroom. Something between them feels different somehow, every movement gentle, every touch tender.

Josh slides the soaked hoody off his shoulders and onto the floor, then grabs the hem of Tyler's shirt to pull it off over his head. He bends down to leave a trail of kisses across Tyler's chest, across his tattoos, and Tyler grabs at Josh's jacket until he shrugs it off to join Tyler's clothes on the floor. 

"You're so beautiful, Tyler. So, so beautiful," Josh speaks into his neck, kissing and tracing his teeth across his skin, but not biting down. 

Tyler lets out a quiet moan, tugging at the hem of Josh's shirt until that's pulled off and thrown on the floor too. His hands are on Josh's skin as soon as it's exposed, lips on his shoulder as his fingers trace lines across the muscles of his arms, his chest, down his stomach. They find the lines of Josh's pelvic muscles, one of Tyler's favourite parts of him, and follow them down to the waistband of his boxers, and then Tyler is struggling with Josh's belt. 

With a groan, Josh's hands come down to help him, undoing his belt, unbuttoning his jeans and sliding them down his legs to his ankles so he can step out of them, and then he's in front of Tyler in his boxers. No matter how many times Tyler sees Josh in a state of undress, he never gets used to it. He stares, mouth agape, at the Adonis before him. Every inch of him perfect and muscular, every inch of his pale skin begging to be kissed. 

"I'm really digging these," Josh smiles as he pulls at the waistband of Tyler's leggings, and Tyler smiles back. "But right now, I want them off."

A little squeal of surprise leaves Tyler's lips as Josh picks him up off the floor, carrying him over to the bed and throwing him down on his back. Josh crawls down Tyler's body on the bed to yank the leggings down and peel the wet fabric from his legs, bringing his underwear with them. He's left entirely naked, but entirely comfortable in front of Josh, his insecurities falling away as he feels Josh's lips marking pathways across his torso, his strong hands running all over his body, mapping out his every curve with firm pressure. 

Josh sits back to pull off his own underwear, his already hard length bouncing free of the material. Tyler takes in a sharp gasp of air through his teeth and clenches his jaw, before the breath comes back out of him as a desperate moan as Josh moves down to take his place between his legs. He looks up at Tyler with glowing eyes. 

"Is this okay?" he asks in a voice barely louder than a whisper, and Tyler nods. 

Suddenly, Tyler can't seem to draw in a breath because Josh definitely just _spat_ on his asshole and, oh God, he's using his tongue to press his saliva inside. Tyler dares to glance down at the scene unfolding between his legs and he's definitely close to suffocation now. Somehow it feels like all the air just left his already empty lungs, watching Josh drag his tongue across his entrance in a torturously slow line, then point it to push inside. The way a string of spit clings to Josh's lower lip as he moves back to take a breath, connecting them with a thread of saliva, makes desire throb through Tyler's entire body. He finally gasps in air, filling up his lungs until he feels they're sure to rupture, and lets out this embarrassingly needy, drawn out whine. He hears it himself, the desperation in his voice, the way the noise ends up high pitched and trailing off as his voice cracks, eyes rolling back in his head before sliding shut. He knows he sounds so incredibly needy and he can't bring himself to care because he DOES, he _needs_

**-**

The noise serves only to spur Josh on, and now he's got his lips around Tyler's hole and he's sucking in this sinfully salacious way, making Tyler start grinding his hips down onto his face. A little smirk toying at his lips with the reactions he's getting out of Tyler, Josh starts to tease the tip of his tongue in tiny circles around the tight ring of muscle. He swirls circles around it, and he brings his eyes up to watch the face of the boy falling apart under his tongue. He squeezes Tyler's hip firmly enough to get his attention and their eyes meet, the intense eye contact enough to earn another desperate little sound from Tyler's parted lips, before Josh is plunging his tongue in as deep as it will go. He's twisting it around inside Tyler, licking and lapping at the walls of his ass as the muscles squeeze tightly, little contractions gripping his tongue and making Tyler twitch. 

**-**

Tyler has both hands in Josh's wet, bright red hair now, tugging maybe a little too hard but neither of them notice. He's still staring into Josh's eyes, hasn't been able to tear his gaze away from the gorgeous creature eating his ass like it's the most delicious thing he's ever tasted, his cock twitching as Josh hums quiet noises of approval into him. Tyler is so lost in the moment, so wrapped up in Josh's tongue inside him that he hasn't even registered the string of words tumbling from his mouth.

"Please, Josh, please, I need more, I need you, please, justfuckmePLEASE," and all too soon Josh is pulling away. Tyler cries out at the loss, but is immediately hushed by their lips being mashed together. Their tongues are dancing together and Tyler can taste himself in Josh's mouth, it's filthy and obscene, and he _loves_ it. 

**-**

"God damn it, Ty," is all Josh manages to get out before lips are crashing into his again, Tyler's hips bucking up urgently as he seeks out some kind of friction. Josh lets out a little chuckle into Tyler's mouth and pulls his head out of kissing reach so he can take in the sight of the boy, naked and desperate, beneath him. 

"You are so fucking gorgeous. I don't think you appreciate how God damn beautiful you are." 

He watches as Tyler writhes under him, a blush rising up his cheeks as he lets out a small groan at Josh's words.

"Please, Josh," he huffs out, his hips still searching for something to grind against. "I need it, I need you, please, Josh." His words are breathy and whining and the lust in his voice is enough to drive Josh absolutely insane. 

"What do you need, baby? Tell me," Josh groans out, pressing kisses into Tyler's neck. His voice is an octave lower than usual, ragged and rough from arousal, a crack in the word "baby" as he speaks it. He loves hearing Tyler talk like this. It's so out of character, hearing him beg and say such dirty, dirty things, this is the only time Josh ever gets to witness it, when he's bringing him pleasure, so he's making sure to make the most of it. 

**-**

"I need you, Josh. Please. I need your cock. I need to feel you inside me, ple-," his speech is cut off as a squeal erupts from his throat. 

Josh has taken him by the hips and is roughly grinding himself against Tyler's ass. Finally finding the friction he's been craving, Tyler's hips immediately get to work grinding and bouncing down into him. He feels Josh's cock, rock hard, _throbbing_ , leaking precome, slip between his ass cheeks and suddenly he's letting out little squeals again, feeling the slick head of Josh's length dragging back and forth across his over sensitive hole. 

Josh's composed exterior is starting to slip, all he manages to reply with is a jumbled, "Fuck, fuck, Ty, baby, Jesus Christ, you can have whatever you want, shit," as he grinds their hips together. He places a hand on Tyler's stomach and bucks his hips with a little flick so that the head of his cock presses gently into Tyler's opening, making him squeal once more. Josh's face shines from a sheen of sweat, beads forming on his upper lip and forehead. His expression contorts as he bites his bottom lip, eyebrows furrowed in concentration, still pushing his hips into Tyler's until suddenly he's pulling away and, _fuck_ , he's spitting on Tyler's asshole again. 

**-**

Tyler grits his teeth as Josh pushes the first digit into his tight, wet heat. Feeling him tense up, Josh stills his finger immediately and looks at him with concern, free hand cupping his cheek he asks, "You okay?"

Tyler can only nod, a whine coming through his nose as he pushes his hips down onto Josh's hand, taking him in up to the knuckle. 

Josh lets out a weak, "Fuck," marvelling at the sight of a naked and wrecked Tyler fucking himself on his finger, before pulling out a little and pushing back in. A finger becomes two, and now Tyler is bucking his hips down onto Josh's hand harshly, a steady stream of moans and groans coming from him as Josh scissors his fingers inside him a little. 

"You ready for another?" Josh asks in a hushed voice, leaning up to kiss and suck at Tyler's neck as he flicks his wrist into him. 

Tyler shakes his head this time and Josh's brow creases with concern.

"Are you okay, baby?" he asks, stilling his fingers and using his free hand to cup Tyler's face again, moving it to look into his eyes. "We can stop if you want."

"Please, Josh, don't stop, please," Tyler's words come thick and fast, as though he only has a few seconds to convey his message. "I want you _now_ , Josh. Stretch me out with your cock, please."

The way Tyler whines those last few words makes Josh feel like he might come right there and then. He practically shouts, "Fuck, Ty!" before he's spitting in his hand, spreading it up and down his length and dragging Tyler's hips down the bed to meet his own. His head nudges against Tyler's still slick entrance, asking permission.

A strangled cry of, "Please, Josh," is all it takes and Josh is pushing into him, hands gripping Tyler's hips tight and forcing himself an inch or two inside, and suddenly he has to catch himself from falling.

"Oh holy **fuck** Tyler, baby, you are so fucking tight," he yells out, bracing himself with an arm on either side of Tyler's head and panting. His hips have stilled, half to let Tyler adjust to the feeling and half to stop himself from tipping over the edge. He wants this to last as long as possible, but so far it seems as though his boy might have him coming before they even begin. 

With a near pornographic moan at Josh's words, Tyler is shoving his hips down onto his, inching him in further and writhing at the growl he rips from Josh's chest. Tyler's face is scrunched up and he's biting his bottom lip with enough force that it's turning white, but whether from pain or pleasure, Josh can't tell. Perhaps it's a marrying of the two. 

"Please, Josh. Give it to me. Fuck me hard."

How could he possibly do anything but comply? He still can't quite believe that this is _Tyler_ underneath him. Sweet, innocent, little Tyler, begging to be fucked hard... And with a moan a little higher pitched than Josh is comfortable making, he's pulling his length out a little to slam his hips back in, forcing himself in to the hilt. The scream this elicits from Tyler is all the feedback he needs and he picks up a quick rhythm, lowering himself a little to shove his lips into Tyler's and draw his bottom lip away from his mouth between his teeth. 

Tyler's hands scrabble up and down the muscular expanse of Josh's back as he tries to find purchase. He's grinding his ass down to meet Josh's bucking hips, making a high pitched, sobbing sound every time their hips collide at the feeling of the tip of Josh's cock dragging across his prostate on each and every thrust. It isn't long before he starts his desperate begging again, this time, "Harder, faster, hurt me, Josh, please."

Josh's hips miss a beat at the words. Josh _never_ misses a beat. He immediately regains composure and, with a low growl, he's leaning back on his heels with his hands gripping Tyler's hips as hard as he can, leaving fingertip bruises for sure, and pounding into him as hard as he can, jerking Tyler down by the hips into every thrust. The sound of their skin slapping together fills the whole room, mixing with the creaking of the bed under them, Tyler's endless stream of gasps, moans and whimpers, and Josh's heavy breathing and occasional groans. A glorious symphony of smut. 

He isn't sure just how far "hurt me" goes, so he decides to test the limits. He takes one hand off of Tyler's hip to bring it down hard and fast on one of his ass cheeks and it makes the boy cry out so loud it sounds as though he's going hoarse. His ass clenches tight around Josh's length with the smack, making him call out Tyler's name as he keeps ramming himself in as hard and as fast as he can manage.  
Spanking.  
He'll have to remember that one. He slaps the hand down on Tyler's ass again, for good measure, earning himself another cry.

Next up he grabs a handful of Tyler's hair and pulls his head to the side sharply, exposing his neck to leave bite marks and hickeys on the pale skin there while he keeps up his rhythm, slamming his cock into him as hard as he can. This seems to be exactly the kind of thing Tyler meant by "hurt me", his hips bucking into Josh harder with each new bite, Tyler's rhythm becoming sloppy and erratic, his voice breaking on every other moan, tears are forming in the inner corners of his eyes and Josh can tell he's close. 

Suddenly every cell in his body seems to focus on making Tyler come, as if it's his only purpose. He sees Tyler's dick leaking precome, pooling on his stomach, the head a very angry red, but decides to ignore it. He wants to see if he can make him come untouched, the mere thought causing a ravenous groan to escape Josh's mouth. There's more and more urgency to his every thrust as he fucks Tyler deep into the mattress, treasuring every pretty sound he makes, every trembling moan of Josh's name, or God's. Josh wants to make him see stars, make him feel better than he's ever felt in his life. 

Absent mindedly, he trails a hand up Tyler's chest to wrap his fingers loosely around his throat, and Tyler's eyes shoot open, staring into Josh's with a pleading look and more of the delicious moans Josh is coming to love so much. He feels a hard swallow under his fingers as Tyler stretches out his neck, grabbing Josh's hand and making him apply pressure. Raising his eyebrows, he squeezes Tyler's throat a little, just enough to make it difficult for him to breath, hips still fucking him relentlessly and then Tyler's unraveling. The noise he makes throbs through Josh's dick, this helpless, keening squeal muffled only slightly by Josh's hand around his throat, and he's lost in orgasm, thick ropes of come covering his stomach and chest and his eyes rolling back in his head. 

That's all it takes for Josh to let go too, hips stuttering as he spills into Tyler with a yell of his name and plenty of curses, the contractions of his ass heightening every sensation as he rides out his orgasm. Tyler's thrashing and bucking, little squeaks emitting from his lips and Josh realises he still has a hand around Tyler's throat, his grip obviously tightening as he came. Immediately he pulls his hand away, apologising profusely and littering Tyler's bruised neck with kisses. 

"No, no, don't apologise. I liked it," Tyler blushes an even more furious red than his bright cheeks already had been, his voice even more destroyed than the screaming already had it, thanks to Josh's squeezing hand. "That was absolutely incredible," he whispers, leaning into Josh's kisses at his neck anyway, still gasping a little for air.

"Jesus Christ, you are unbelievably sexy!" Josh pants out in disbelief with a chuckle, wincing as he pulls himself out of Tyler who somehow, even after all that abuse, manages to still be tight around him. He presses little kisses into Tyler's neck and jaw, then around his collarbones and down his chest, tongue dragging through a little of the come Tyler covered himself in, earning him a very slight, exhausted moan, before he grabs his own shirt off the ground and starts to clean them up with it. 

When they're a little less sticky, Josh throws the shirt across to their ever growing pile of dirty laundry on the floor and flops down on the bed beside Tyler, who immediately curls into him, resting his head on Josh's chest. Josh's hand takes up residence in Tyler's still damp hair, fingers threading through the strands, pulling gently every now and then, as their breathing and heart rates slowly start to level out again. 

"You're so beautiful, Tyler," Josh smiles. "That was absolutely amazing and you're so gorgeous."

Blushing, Tyler hides his face in Josh's chest and giggles, back to the nervous, awkward boy he always is. Josh wraps his arms around him, one hand still absentmindedly trailing through the hair at the back of his head. He presses a gentle kiss to Tyler's forehead, smiling at the adorable boy, but he can't help but think to himself that he needs to get Tyler naked and filthy and begging more often. 

"So... Spanking, huh?" Josh mutters into Tyler's forehead with a breathy laugh, pulling back to grin with his tongue between his teeth as he sees the crimson blush rising on Tyler's cheeks again. 

Tyler replies with a succinct but cheerful, "Yup!" an embarrassed smile gracing his features as he rolls over to hide his face in Josh's chest again. 

"I can definitely work with that," Josh smiles down at him, pulling the Tyler closer in his arms as he feels an intense wave of sleepiness move through him. With the corners of his mouth turned up contentedly, he drifts off to sleep, Tyler following soon after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I write sin, not tragedies.  
> Even Jesus couldn't save me now.


	18. Sharing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is stupidly long, sorry about that.
> 
> Very brief mention of suicide contemplation.  
> Stay safe, frens ❤️

Tyler wakes up with a start to a burning pain. He sits up in confusion until he realises where he is. Josh is sprawled out under him with his arm still around Tyler, softly snoring a little in his sleep, and everything comes flooding back to him. 

He's no longer a virgin. 

The huge grin that takes over his face threatens to split his cheeks open as he lets out a little squeak. He'd had sex with Josh. His _boyfriend_ , Josh. It all seems so surreal, the past few weeks. He's gone from not knowing Josh to needing him more than anything in such a short space of time, it seems like it must be fantasy. He even pinches himself on the arm to make sure he isn't still dreaming, but the sharp, stinging pain under him as he sits is confirmation enough. 

He looks down to see the little, purple ovals Josh has left around his waist, bruises from how tightly he gripped Tyler's hips, and his heart flutters in his chest. Little reminders of everything they'd done that'll stay with him all week. Not that he'll need any excuse to relive their night together over and over again, but he loves having Josh's marks on him. Physical proof that Tyler belongs to him. 

Tyler's (well, Josh's, really) hoody is still on the floor across the room and he doesn't want to disturb Josh to check what time it is, but it's still dark outside. He can worry about getting to class in the morning. He lays back down, head taking up its rightful place on Josh's chest and, surrounded by his scent, the sound of his deep breathing and the feeling of his heartbeat under his head, he drifts back over to sleep. 

*****

Josh wakes him with kisses in the morning, both of them still naked and tangled in each other. 

"Hey, baby, how are you feeling?" Josh grins as Tyler opens his eyes, kissing his forehead. 

"Sore," Tyler groans, but he's smiling. 

"I'm so sorry, Ty," he mutters into Tyler's ear, kissing across his cheeks. 

"No, it's good sore. It's the best sore," Tyler giggles, meeting Josh's lips with his own and wrapping his arms around him to pull him closer. "I kind of asked for it," he blushes. 

Josh chuckles at this, giving Tyler a tight squeeze before breaking free of their hug and moving to swing his legs over the side of the bed and stand up. Tyler stares at him, taking in his naked body. He watches the way his back muscles move under his skin as he stretches his arms above his head, marvels at the way his back dips in at the spine, running down to the curve of his ass. He's a model of perfection, and Tyler could look at him all day. Josh turns to him and catches him staring. 

"Enjoying the view?" he laughs, wiggling his eyebrows up and down. 

"Very much so," Tyler retorts with a smirk, and reluctantly drags himself out of the bed. "Can't we just lay in bed and cuddle all day?" he whines, crossing the room to wrap his arms around Josh again, the bare skin on skin contact making him never want to let go. 

"God, don't tempt me, I'm already so close to calling into work and telling my boss to shove it," he chuckles, kissing Tyler's forehead again. "Besides, you have class today. I don't wanna be responsible for you failing. Macbeth, your fave!"

Tyler scrunches up his face at the thought of having to sit on a sore ass all day and listen to Dr Hiles droning on about 'the destruction wrought when ambition goes unchecked by moral constraints'. He has a voice that makes him incredibly difficult to pay attention to and talks in such a way that he's like the vocal equivalent of reading Shakespeare. Tyler could do with notes to explain what his teacher is saying, never mind the play. 

"Yeah, I can't wait," he huffs sarcastically, relinquishing his grip around Josh and shuffling over to pick his clothes up off the floor. They're still soaked. 

"Don't worry about those, I'll get 'em dry cleaned for you. You can borrow some clothes," Josh calls from his wardrobe in the corner of the room. 

He grabs them each a pair of boxers, and Tyler ends up in sweatpants again due to the too-big-yet-too-small issue with all of Josh's jeans. He throws Tyler a tank top with sleeves cut so low his entire torso is visible from the side, and Tyler thinks that he might just keep this one. Josh pulls on his standard black jeans and a black t-shirt for work and Tyler makes sure to take the hoody Josh had given him on Sunday from the floor before he follows him to the kitchen. Josh definitely isn't getting it back. 

Walking into the kitchen, he sees Josh busy at the counter, and comes up behind him to snake his arms around his waist and plant a kiss on his neck. He notices the purple mark he left there has almost faded away, and makes a mental note to give him another one soon. Josh is making them pancakes again, and Tyler finds that he's actually hungry for once, a very rare occurrence at this time of morning. Perhaps it's all the energy he exerted the night before. 

Josh finishes buttering the last pancakes and Tyler unwraps his arms from his waist to take a seat at the table, shifting around but unable to find comfort. Josh gives him an apologetic smile as he watches him fidget in his chair.

"It shouldn't hurt so bad tomorrow," he reassures him, reaching over to place his hand over Tyler's where it rests on the table and stabbing at his pancakes with a fork in his other hand. 

"I told you I don't mind," Tyler mumbles, turning his hand under Josh's to thread their fingers together. "But my thighs really hurt for some reason."

Leaning back from the table, Tyler uses his free hand to pull out the waistband of his sweatpants and inspect the area. He sees two bruises, one on each inner thigh, from Josh's hips slamming into him, and he grins. More dirty little reminders of all the things Josh did to him. He loves it. 

"Are you okay?" Josh asks him, squeezing his hand with concern in his voice. 

"I've never been better!" Tyler assures him, with the biggest, cheesiest grin he can muster, and he starts on his own pancakes. 

They finish up their breakfast, then Josh goes back to his bedroom to grab a jacket and pull on his Doctor Martens. Tyler finds himself excited to tell Brendon everything that happened yesterday, and smiles to himself with the realisation that he truly has forgiven his friend. They can go back to how they've always been, confiding in one another, sharing everything. He feels happier than he can ever remember feeling, with the exception of the sadness he feels at the prospect of having to go back to college and leave Josh. 

Stomping footsteps of heavy boots on the wooden floor alert him of Josh's presence, and he turns to him with a smile. 

"You ready to go?" Josh asks him, and Tyler gives a solemn nod. 

He's never really ready to say goodbye to Josh, but class starts in a little over half an hour, and he still needs to get his stuff from the dorm room first. He isn't looking to have Dr Hiles telling him off for tardiness again. Josh has Tyler's shoes in his hands, having grabbed them from the bedroom floor, and he hands them over. 

"I'm working all week. Every damn day," Josh sighs as he pulls out a chair at the kitchen table and throws himself down, waiting for Tyler to lace up his Vans. "We're way understaffed. Mark, my boss, is trying to find new staff but right now it's just me, him and this one other girl, and she's going on holiday for a week. It sucks. But I need the money I guess."

Tyler hides his disappointment at the idea of not spending every day with him as best he can, finishing up with his shoes and standing from his chair. 

"Aw, Jish, that's total crap," he soothes, walking over to give him a kiss on the cheek. "But hey' you'll be loaded! Think of all the Doritos and Red Bull you could buy!"

Josh laughs and gives him a peck on the lips. "Yeah, he'll totally owe me when Jenna gets back. Maybe I'll even get a week off myself!"

"If you do, I call dibs on you," Tyler grins to him, giving him a quick kiss in return. 

They head out the door hand in hand and make their way towards the car. The journey is painfully short. Tyler finds himself praying for red lights and traffic jams, just to spend a few extra moments in that car with Josh's hand on his thigh, but as always, his prayers go unanswered. As they pull up outside Tyler's dorm building, he only has twenty minutes to run in, get his bag and make the journey over to his English class. He really doesn't have time to spare. 

"I had the most amazing time yesterday," he tells Josh, leaning over to kiss him.

The kiss is longer than Tyler has time for, but he doesn't care. Josh's hands are in his hair, teeth gently biting his bottom lip, he moves his hands down to Tyler's waist to pull him closer, and Tyler doesn't ever want to leave. But alas, he must. 

"I did too. I'm gonna miss you heaps," Josh smiles, pressing their foreheads together and looking into Tyler's eyes with so much emotion Tyler can feel it. 

He could get lost in the moment with him for hours, but he really has to go. With a final, quick kiss, he leaves the car and runs into the building. As he makes his way over to the elevator and presses the button, he smirks at the notice on the board, then notices a new one beside it. The same A4 page with big, bolded, black letters.

" **THE USE OF ANY ILICIT SUBSTANCES ON UNIVERSITY GROUNDS IS AN OFFENCE PUNISHABLE BY LAW**."

He bursts out laughing and grabs his phone from the pocket of the damp hoody he's still holding in his hand, taking a picture of it just as the elevator arrives. 

*****

Tyler makes it to class with only a couple of minutes to spare, slinking into his seat beside Brendon just before Dr Hiles starts his lecture. They're finishing Macbeth today to move onto the next Shakespearian play, Hamlet, next week, and with a wave of panic, Tyler realises he forgot all about finishing off the essay that was due in today. He sees Brendon's finished essay printed out and sitting on the desk in front of them, and silently curses himself. Brendon has his work finished and Tyler doesn't? Tyler was out having sex last night while Brendon was in the dorm doing schoolwork? The world has been turned on its head. 

Brendon notices how Tyler keeps wincing and shifting in his seat, and raises an eyebrow in his direction. 

"Dude, are you alright? You're super, like, twitchy. I mean more than normal," he asks Tyler in a hushed tone.

"Yeah, I'm great, just sore," Tyler smiles at him, keeping his answer purposefully cryptic.

"You're sore? Why are you sore? Where were you last night?" Brendon pries. 

"At Josh's," is all Tyler gives him, but immediately, Brendon knows. Brendon always knows. 

"OH MY GOD, YOU DIDN'T!" he quite literally screams, and Tyler bursts out laughing. 

Dr Hiles is not amused. 

"Right, that is it. Both of you, out of my class immediately. Your behaviour is what I would expect from teaching a class of five year olds. You in particular, Mister Urie. You conduct yourself like a child, and you should be ashamed of yourself. This is your second strike, three and you're out. And you," Dr Hiles sneers, turning to look at Tyler who he tries to make himself as small as possible. "I expected more from you, Mister Joseph. Out!"

Tyler has only just gotten his things packed away when Brendon grabs his arm and drags him from the classroom. As soon as they're out the doors, he shouts what could be his catchphrase by this point. 

"TELL. ME. **EVERYTHING**!"

*****

Tyler takes Brendon to McDonalds to buy him those double cheeseburgers he promised himself he would, and he watches with disgust as Brendon practically swallows them whole, like a python, as usual. He picks at his own food, some fries, but doesn't eat much. He's still full from his pancakes, and he's starting to get really anxious about being kicked out of class. As much as he hates it, hates Shakespeare, hates Dr Hiles, hates not being to understand anything, his parents are putting a lot of money into him going to college. They're expecting a lot from him, and he really doesn't want to let them down. 

"I still cannot _believe_ you guys fucked!" Brendon shouts through a mouthful of burger after a few moments of silence. "Like, innocent little Tyler Joseph is totally a kinky slut, it's wonderful!"

Tyler blushes furiously at his comment. "A little louder, Brendon, I think there's an old guy at the other side of the restaurant who didn't quite hear you there," Tyler quips sarcastically. 

"TYLER JOSEPH IS A KINKY SLUT," he screams at the top of his voice, and Tyler slaps him as hard as he can on the arm. 

"I _hate_ you, you absolute and utter tool! I swear to God, if you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it," he spits at him, but Brendon just laughs. 

"You _love_ me!" he grins, and Tyler scowls at him. "Oh, by the way, I saw the new notice on the board by the elevator. Does that have something to do with you?!"

Tyler lets out a giggle as he's reminded of the warning. He meant to text the picture to Josh earlier, but he was in such a rush to get to class that he'd completely forgotten. 

"Yeah, we smoked a joint on the front steps and security came. I swear they have a camera following me or something. Josh thought the guy had taken the rest of the joint to smoke, but I guess he was reporting it."

"Tyler Joseph, I cannot tell you in words how proud of you I am. You have gone from the little boy who obeyed all the rules to the man the rules were created in the wake of!" Brendon announces dramatically, holding one hand over his heart and the other up in a three fingered salute. 

"Man?! God no. I'm a nineteen year old boy. I'll be a forty seven year old boy," Tyler laughs.

"Okay, fine, so you're the bad boy then! I'm still such a proud mama bird, my little fledgling has left the nest and now he's smoking weed and breaking and entering and coming home covered in hickeys and getting himself fucked by hot guys!" Brendon grins at him. 

Tyler smirks at this, he'd never in a million years thought he'd hear anyone call _him_ a 'bad boy'. He quite likes it. He turns to Brendon, squaring his shoulders. 

"Heck yea. Just call me T-dawg," Tyler says, putting on his best 'mean face' and baring his teeth. 

"T-bag, maybe," Brendon cackles, and then they're both in fits of laughter.

They're getting a lot of glares from a lot of people sitting in the restaurant, but Tyler doesn't care even a little. He used to hate that about being friends with Brendon, he's so loud, such a big personality, that everyone stares. A by-product of being friends with Brendon meant people stared at you too. The stares of strangers used to be something that made Tyler so anxious he'd get nauseated, but right now he's just so glad things between Brendon and him are back to normal. It's only been five days since he ran off to the forest, but he missed Brendon a lot. 

He pulls out his phone to text Josh, while Brendon eats the entire second half of his second burger in one bite. 

Tyler: **[You have received a multimedia message]**

Tyler: **I swear to God you're gonna get me kicked out of college. x**

*****

When they return to campus, Brendon asks Tyler to come and help him with his music. They were supposed to be in English class all morning, so they have a free day now and no plans. Tyler has been itching to play for days, he hasn't been behind a piano since he and Josh broke into the music building and he really wants to work on the song he played that night. He hasn't been able to practice it more than that one time, and he has some new lyrics to add to it. He agrees to help Brendon so long as he's allowed to practice his own stuff too, and Brendon agrees enthusiastically, telling Tyler he wants to hear what he's written. 

For about an hour he helps Brendon with his melodies and listens to him singing. He always gets a little envious of Brendon when he sings. He has such an incredibly loud and powerful voice, the kind of voice that no one could ignore, it demands attention. It makes Tyler feel even more insecure about his own, makes him feel even more like a whiny, angsty, emo kid screaming over a piano. On top of that, Brendon also plays piano, and he can drum, and play guitar. And bass, cello, accordion, ukulele and trumpet. He'd taught Tyler a little on the accordion, but he had so much talent in so many different areas, he could do everything Tyler could do, better than Tyler could do it, and more on top of that. He couldn't help but feel a touch of jealousy. 

"Hey, I've a song that Josh told me he wanted to sing for you, you wanna hear it?" Brendon asks out of nowhere, and before Tyler has a chance to reply with anything more than a puzzled look, he bursts into song at the top of his lungs. 

"IF YOU'RE HORNY, LET'S DO IT, RIDE IT, MY PONY!"

Tyler roars with laughter at Brendon's outburst, and then starts playing along on the piano. Brendon jumps up on a table by the window, thrusting into the air as he continues. 

"MY SADDLE'S, WAITING, COME AND, JUMP ON IT!" he finishes with a flourish, jumping high into the air with a kick and landing on the ground.

Tyler starts applauding and Brendon takes a bow, both of them laughing. 

"So how's your ass holding up, little buddy?" Brendon asks him with a sly grin, making Tyler blush. 

"Leave me alone, you bully," Tyler complains, but the slight smile on his lips betrays him. "How are you and Ryan holding up?" he asks, changing the subject and shifting around on the piano stool, because it really does hurt. 

Brendon's face falls at Tyler's question, and his voice comes out in a monotone as he says, "Oh, you know, we're okay."

"Are you?" Tyler presses, a little worried. Nothing ever seems to bring Brendon down, he must really like this guy. 

"He's just butthurt, oh shit, no offence," he cackles and Tyler sticks his tongue out. "He's acting like I cheated on him or some shit, but like, we were never 'going out'," he puts finger quotes around the words as he speaks them, "we just hooked up."

Tyler thinks for a second, trying to phrase his thoughts delicately before he says them out loud.

"If Josh had kissed someone else after we'd kissed, I would have been totally devastated. We weren't officially together at that point, but I would have been heartbroken. If we'd _slept together_ and he kissed someone else, it would have destroyed me," he admits. 

"Yeah, but that's different, you're, like, disgustingly crazy about Josh," Brendon contends. 

Tyler just looks at him incredulously, not believing he could be so dim. 

"Naah, you've got it all wrong, it's not like he's that into it," he objects, but he looks a little unsure. 

"Brendon, if he wasn't that into it, he wouldn't have gotten upset. Trust me, he's into it. The way he was looking at you the night we went to the frat party at Sigma Chi. What was it you said about me after Josh and I got pizza? Oh yes, 'like a lovesick little puppy'. Even I thought you guys were kind of serious."

Brendon looks quite distressed, and Tyler feels a little guilty for bringing it up at all, but he feels worse for poor Ryan. If this had happened to him, if Josh had kissed someone else, he would have been torn to pieces. 

"Well, shit, TyJo. What do I do?" Brendon huffs, running a hand through his coiffed hair. 

"You talk it out with him, Beebo. Obviously," Tyler rolls his eyes at him. 

"Beebo?! What the fuck is Beebo?" Brendon shouts, and Tyler lets out a laugh. 

"What, do you prefer 'Bendy Brendy'? Because we can go back to that if you want," he snickers, going back to tapping out chords on the piano. 

"Hey! We had a truce on that, Joseph. We even shook on it. Unless you want me to go back to calling you Ty. But what even is Beebo? How do you get that from Brendon?!" Tyler loves how agitated he's getting over this, he's definitely going to keep using it. 

"Do _not_ call me Ty," he stresses. That name is only for him and Josh. "And you're Brendon Boyd. Beebo!"

"That doesn't even make any sense! Why would it not be Breebo, then? Your nicknames suck!" he complains, and Tyler's absolutely going to keep using it. 

"Brendon starts with a B. Boyd starts with a bo. Beebo. Deal with it," he grins, fingers playing the melody of his song Migraine now. 

"God, whatever. Hey, is this your song?" Brendon asks, eyes lighting up at the sounds, and Tyler nods. "Sing it for me!"

The rest of the lyrics he's written for the song are in his notebook back in the dormitory, but he spent so much time going over them, changing them, rhyming them out to make sure they flowed well, that he knows them by heart anyway. It's the first time he's run through the whole song with music to it, but it doesn't sound terrible. For Tyler, that's a big deal, he normally thinks _everything_ he plays sounds terrible. Maybe it was just that the song was tied in to his memories of Josh that gave him a fondness for it, or maybe he was just having a good day because he was coming down off the high of his and Josh's activities the night before, but he quite likes the song. 

"Tyler, that was great! That was so great, seriously!" Brendon bubbles to him once he finishes.

"Thanks, Beebo," Tyler giggles with a shy smile, and Brendon doesn't even protest his use of the nickname this time. 

"I mean it, man. It's a really fuckin' solid song. You should get back into writing, y'know, in between Shakespeare and being fucked by your boyfriend," Brendon laughs, and Tyler throws a music book sitting on the piano at him, but he dodges it. 

"You're never going to let this go, are you?" Tyler asks with a grimace, shifting in his seat again. 

Every time Brendon brings it up, it brings the pain to his attention again. Not that he really minds. Every sting when he sits down, every twinge from his exhausted muscles, every stab of pain when a bruise gets bumped, all of it reminds Tyler of Josh being on top of him, of his hands grabbing him, of his hips ramming into him. He wants Josh's marks on him forever, he wears them with pride. He wants everyone to know he's taken by the most stunning person in the whole world. 

"Absolutely not! Did you expect anything else? Do you even know me?" Brendon feigns shock with his words and Tyler laughs. 

"I guess not! I'd appreciate if you could stop shouting about it in front of people, though. I don't think the entire English class needed to know, and there were a couple of people in McDonalds who looked ready to punch you. I was one of them," he shoots back with a smile. 

"As the great philosophers say, 'haters gonna hate'!" Brendon grins, earning him another laugh from Tyler. 

*****

Tyler still hasn't heard back from Josh by the time he's going to bed that night. He'd spent most of his day with Brendon in the music room, creating new music for lyrics he hasn't written yet, distracted enough that it hadn't bothered him, but he'd convinced Brendon to go and talk to Ryan that evening, feeling incredibly sorry for the boy. He knows what it's like to feel betrayed by Brendon now, and if Ryan really did like him as much as it seemed, Tyler knew the pain he was in. 

He tries telling himself that it's just because Josh is exhausted from having been at work all day, that it's nothing to worry about, that maybe he fell asleep before he could text back. But the voice in his head is telling him 'it's because you're bad in bed, it's because he only wanted you for sex and now he's got it he has no interest, it's because you're so clingy and needy, it's because you asked him to hurt you'. He tries his best to ignore it, but the longer he goes without a reply, the louder the voice gets. 

*****

On Saturday morning, Tyler wakes up to find Brendon's bed empty, and he assumes that he made up with Ryan okay last night. He tries to distract himself from the fact that Josh hasn't gotten back to him yet by diving into his Macbeth essay. He needs to get it finished for class on Monday, he's already gotten himself on Dr Hiles' bad side, thanks to Brendon. That was the second Friday he's missed his English class, after skipping class during his first week thanks to his hangover from the frat party. 

His parents have put so much into him going to College, not just money. Tyler already feels like he's let them down by giving up on basketball. That's what his mother had called it. 'Giving up on his dream'. He had felt like such a failure when she said that to him, as though he were throwing his life away, probably because she had forced him to put so much of his life aside for basketball. She couldn't seem to accept that it wasn't his dream anymore, that it hadn't been his dream since he was a little kid. His parents' teacher salaries weren't exactly massive, he knew that, and with four kids to worry about, college was a big deal. Tyler couldn't afford to be missing classes, he couldn't afford to let his parents down any further. 

He spends the majority of his day on the essay, getting lost in the text every few sentences and having to use both the pages of explanation in the book and various websites to help him understand what was being said, never mind understanding the essay question and what Dr Hiles wanted from him. He'd always been good at English in high school, it had been one of his best subjects. He'd figured college would be like a continuation of that with a few big words thrown in. College English is a continuation of high school English in the same way that Beethoven's Piano Sonata No. 29 is a continuation of Chopsticks. 

*****

For the third Sunday in a row, Tyler wakes up absolutely miserable, although for once he actually has a reason. He checks his phone as soon as he wakes up at 8am but he still hasn't gotten a message back from Josh. He wants desperately to text him again, but the voice in his head has gotten so loud now that it's impossible to ignore. It says the same things over and over again, like a song stuck on repeat, 'you're too clingy, too needy, too desperate, he isn't interested in you, you pushed him away'. 

His mind goes back to the night Josh had been dyeing his hair in Hayley's dorm, when Brendon had been trying to convince him to send Josh a text. Tyler had told him that he didn't want to seem desperate or needy, and Brendon's reply had been, "You mean the person you are?" Even one of the people who cared most about him in the world thought it of him. Brendon's voice joins the one already on repeat in is head, adding "the person you are" to his swirling thoughts. 

He drags himself out of bed and makes his way over to the cupboard in their kitchen to dig out the little brown bottle of pills. It's a little early to be taking them just yet, but he needs all the help he can get. As he shakes the pills out of bottle to take two, a small handful of them pours out, and for a brief second he considers it. It would be so easy. Just one gulp with some water. He shakes his head, as if trying to shake the thoughts out. He isn't even sure if they'd do it, and he doesn't have many left. And what about his parents? What about his siblings? What about Brendon? It would be such a selfish, horrible thing to do. He couldn't put the people he loves through that. 

He makes a mental note to call his mother and ask her to send more, and maybe to talk to the doctor about upping his dose, because the medication doesn't seem to be working like it used to anymore. He pours himself a glass of water to swallow the two he has in his hand and gets back into bed. He doesn't really feel much like being awake. 

*****

He's woken up on Monday morning by his phone ringing. He picks it up to check if he knows the number, and it's Josh. His heart starts pounding and he feels like he could puke as he stares at the contact name. Josh _never_ calls him. The voice in his head screams that he's calling to break up with him, that this will be the last time he talks to him, that he only wanted him for sex. He takes a deep breath, swallows the lump in his throat and picks up the call. 

"Hello?" his voice sounds tiny as he answers. 

"Ty, I'm so, so sorry I haven't been in touch. I'm really sorry. I just. Do you. Uhh, do you have, like, class and stuff today?" comes Josh's stammered reply.

This doesn't sound good. In fact, this sounds terrible. The voice in Tyler's head is singing 'I told you so, I told you so'. 

"Um, yeah, I do," Tyler replies, voice still sounding so small, he's terrified of what's coming next. "Why, what's up?"

"No, that's okay," Tyler hears a sniffle on the other end of the line before Josh continues, "I'll talk to you later, yeah? I'm so sorry I've been so quiet."

"No, wait, Josh!" Tyler cries out before he can hang up, "What is it? Are you okay? Aren't you supposed to be working today?" He hears another sniffle, but farther away, as if Josh is holding the phone away from his face. 

"Yeah, it's just, I just. I can't, like, deal with people today. But, like, it's okay, I'm okay, I'll be okay," he stutters.

"Are you trying to convince me or yourself, Josh?" Tyler asks him.

"Uhh, both?" another sniffle comes from Josh's end. "Look, Ty, it's okay. I'll be okay. Go to class. I'll talk to you later, yeah? I really am so, so sorry."

Tyler doesn't know what's wrong, but he isn't about to leave Josh on his own, whatever it is. 

"Are you at home?" he asks, already getting out of bed and heading over to his drawers and pulling out some clothes. 

"Yeah," comes Josh's quavering reply. 

"I'll be right there, sit tight, Jishwa. I'll see you soon," Tyler doesn't even wait to hear Josh's protests before he hangs up. 

He's never heard Josh like this and honestly, he's starting to panic. He makes a quick Google search, finds the number for a nearby taxi firm, and calls his first cab since he arrived at college. It would take ten minutes to walk to Josh's, but Tyler doesn't want to waste a single second. He pulls on some clean underwear, a pair of ripped, black jeans, a black tank top and hurriedly shoves his feet into a pair of Vans, grabbing the hoody he stole from Josh on his way out the door, rushing downstairs to wait on his cab.

The car takes about two minutes to arrive and Tyler jogs across the car park to meet it as he sees it pulling in. He doesn't even know Josh's address, he just gives the driver directions as they drive. It only takes a few minutes to get to his apartment building, but it feels like hours to Tyler, and when they finally pull up outside the building he just throws a ten dollar bill at the driver and jumps out of the car, not even waiting for his change. 

He runs up the stairs to Josh's floor, taking them two at a time and ignoring the screaming muscles in his legs. Josh needs him. Leg muscles are hardly a priority at a time like this. When he gets to Josh's door his heart is pounding, and it's not just because he ran up the stairs. He has literally no idea what awaits him beyond this door, he has no clue what's about to happen. But Josh needs him. 

He knocks on the door and Josh, in nothing but a pair of sweatpants, opens it within seconds. He doesn't even greet Tyler with words, just grabs him and pulls him into a bone-crushing hug. Tyler hears another sniffle as he wraps his arms around Josh to squeeze him back just as hard, and he leaves a trail of little kisses across the skin of his neck and his bare shoulder. 

Josh pulls him into the apartment and closes the door after him, and Tyler gets a good look at him. His eyes are ringed with red from crying, he doesn't look like he's slept in days, his scruff is growing out. He still looks gorgeous, but so incredibly fragile it breaks Tyler's heart. Josh leads him over to the couch in the living room and throws himself down, Tyler taking a seat beside him. 

"I'm so sorry I haven't spoken to you in the past couple days, Ty. I really am. I've been really shitty to you, I'm so sorry," he mumbles, running a hand through his hair. 

"Josh, what is it? What's happened?" Tyler implores, terrified of the answer. 

"It's. I just. I've totally lost control of my anxiety over the last couple of days and I was trying to hold it together for work because I know Mark needed me but I just. I'm broken. It's spiralled out of control," Josh chokes out. 

"Wait, you have anxiety?!" Tyler exclaims, shocked. "But you're always so incredibly calm and strong and... Not anxious! How do you stay so together all the time?"

"Well, I mean, I'm always okay when I'm around you, Ty," he gives Tyler the tiniest smile. "Besides, it's not all the time. I have bad days. But I'm okay. I mean, I will be. You shouldn't have skipped classes because of me, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called, I'll be okay, I just-"

Tyler cuts him off, "Josh, it's okay for you not to be okay too, sometimes," he puts a hand on Josh's thigh, mirroring the way Josh always touches him when he drives. "It doesn't make you any less of the amazing, kind, strong, caring, _wonderful_ person I know you are. It just makes you human. In fact, it shows just how strong you are, that you were able to just come right out and say it, that you were able to ask for help. For God's sake, you've seen me break down and I still haven't been brave enough to talk to you about my anxiety and depression. You're braver than I am. And you're allowed to not be okay."

Josh looks like he might burst into tears on the couch beside him, and Tyler pulls his head down to rest in his lap, twirling a strand of Josh's hair in his fingers. 

"You're such an amazing person, Josh," Tyler tells him, looking down at him with a smile. "You're the most amazing person I know. This doesn't make you any less perfect. This doesn't make me love you any less."

He doesn't even realise what he's said, until Josh is sitting up and giving a gentle kiss to his lips, telling him, "I love you too, Tyler."

Then it hits him all at once, and he's kissing all over Josh's face, his neck, lifting up his hands to press a kiss to each one of his fingers, and telling him between kisses, "God, Josh, I love you so much. You mean the whole world to me. More than the world. You don't even know how amazing you are. I love you."

When Tyler looks up to kiss his lips, he sees a tear rolling down Josh's cheek and he cups Josh's face in his hands, kissing the tear away. 

"If you need to cry, that's okay too," Tyler tells him, and he presses his lips to Josh's forehead in the same gesture that always makes him feel so safe and sound when Josh does it. Another tear rolls a track down his face and Tyler kisses it away, too. 

"You know, mine started when I was thirteen. I just woke up one day and I couldn't even bring myself to get out of bed. I was just a kid, I had no idea what was happening to me. I thought I was dying. My mom let me stay off school because I told her I was sick, and I guess I was, I just didn't understand it. She still made me shoot five hundred baskets before she'd let me eat dinner, but I felt like I was drowning for days."

Tyler doesn't even know why he's telling Josh all of this, but he's listening so intently and he's stopped crying, so Tyler keeps talking. 

"It took a year of me feeling like this at least every couple of weeks. I stopped talking to my friends, I didn't leave the house, I started failing classes. Then my mom finally takes me to talk to someone, but it's this woman who keeps talking about God and how I just needed to 'pray the sad away' and He would fix me. I prayed every night for two years that God would help me, that He would make it better, even just a little. I think that's when I lost faith. It was another year before I got meds. I spent so long thinking I was broken. That I was all messed up. _You are not broken_ , Josh," he finishes. 

Brendon has been the only person Tyler has ever talked to about this stuff. He's never opened up to anyone else like this before. The voice in his head is telling him he's an idiot, that Josh could never love him now that he knows what a broken mess he is, that he's going to chase away the person he needs the most. Josh just stares at him for the longest time, expression unreadable, and Tyler stares back as his insecurities and doubt run riot in his head. Josh finally breaks the silence with a quavering voice. 

"You're not broken either, Ty. You don't know how lovely you are, but I'll spend the rest of my life making you believe it, if I have to-"

Tyler cuts him off with a kiss, unable to hold back any longer. He peppers kisses all over his cheeks, his lips, his chin, even pressing one to each of his eyelids. 

"So long as I have you around for the rest of my life, I'm happy, Jishwa."

"It was this band," Josh explains, "I was supposed to be drumming for this band for a couple of gigs around Ohio. I'd been playing on one of the kits in the store and they'd come in, they asked me to fill in and we'd rehearsed and everything, but I got a text on Saturday morning that they didn't need me, that they'd found someone else. Like, I'm not even good enough to do these tiny, regional shows with this nobody band, I'm not even good enough for-"

"Josh! Stop it right now! I don't ever want to hear you say that again. I'm not saying this as your boyfriend," Tyler's heart still flutters at the word just as much as it had that night on the Ferris wheel when Josh had first said it, "I'm not even saying this as your friend. I'm saying this as a harsh critic, even as a stranger, you are a _phenomenal_ drummer. You drum harder than any artist I've ever seen. You're incredible, I mean it! And that band must be total garbage if they're turning down a chance to work with a drummer like you. If they can't recognise your talent, then they don't know what good music is."

Josh's eyes are filled with tears again as he leans in to kiss Tyler, slow and deep and filled with every emotion either of them has ever felt, their hands in each other's hair and their mouths working in perfect synchronisation with one another. When they finally break apart, both of them have tears rolling down their cheeks. Tyler wipes his own from his face before kissing away Josh's again. 

"I love you, Tyler," Josh says with a huge grin, his tongue bitten between his teeth. 

The familiar sight of that gorgeous smile, and the words coming from his lips, make Tyler's heart pound so hard in his chest he wouldn't be surprised if it broke a rib. 

"I love you more," Tyler giggles, pulling him in for a hug with a sigh. 

He remembers how fragile he had been two Sundays ago when Josh had known where to find him in the forest, and how he'd cheered him up. 

"I don't have Doritos and Red Bull for you, but you wanna go play Super Smash Brothers? I'll even let you be Samus." 

Josh beams at him. 

"Heck yes!"


	19. Carving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh shit, here's some dirty, dirty sin, straight outta left field. Followed by another ridiculously long chapter. This is officially the longest chapter yet, I'm sorry, forgive me. 
> 
> P.S. There's a scene near the end of this chapter inspired by the two questions one after the other from 1:35 in this interview https://youtu.be/JSan2aSf4qs (but the whole video is a gem if you haven't seen it), if you watch this first it might make a little more sense and seem a little less ridiculous, but only a little.

Tyler is letting Josh win, and Josh knows it, but that doesn't mean he isn't having fun, nor does it mean he can't gloat about his success. It's probably going to be the only time he gets a chance to boast about his victory over Tyler in the game, and he isn't going to let the opportunity pass him by. Tyler is something of a master when it comes to Super Smash Bros. 

"Oooooh!" he shouts, as his character takes out Tyler's for the fifth time in a row. "Samus reigns supreme! Bow before her incredible power!" he turns to grin at Tyler, who has a little smirk on his face. 

"Alright, Jishwa, one more round. All or nothing. But this time, let's make it more interesting," he cocks an eyebrow as he speaks, and Josh's curiosity is piqued. 

"What did you have in mind?" Josh asks, excitement rising in his chest at the look on Tyler's face. 

He's staring at Josh's mouth and biting his lip. Josh has a feeling he knows what kind of 'interesting' Tyler's thinking about. He can feel his dick stirring in his boxers already, just from the look on his boyfriend's face. 

"We play one round. We're both Samus. Who ever wins, gets head. Loser goes down," he gives Josh a devilish grin. 

Josh adores the times when Tyler gets like this, so out of character for the often shy and blushing boy. There's something so exciting about hearing him talk about the explicit things they get up to. He feels himself starting to get hard, just at the thought of Tyler's mouth on him. He _has_ to win. 

"Oh, you are so on!" Josh grins with his tongue between his teeth. 

Tyler looks incredibly pleased with himself as he turns back to the screen to set up their battle. They both make their character selection, and begin. Tyler is actually trying this time, he isn't letting Josh beat him anymore. He's taking almost no damage, and he's come very close to knocking Josh's character off the stage several times, both of them working the pads of their controllers furiously in a fight to take the other down. After a few minutes, Josh shoves his shoulder into Tyler, knocking him over on the couch, and while he's distracted he sends Tyler's character flying off the platform and wins the game. 

"Six in a row!" he shouts to the sky, raising his arms in triumph. "You lose, babe!" he grins to Tyler, who looks incensed. 

"You slimeball, you totally cheated!" he yells, eyebrows furrowed with injustice. 

Josh leans over so that their faces are inches apart and growls out, "On your knees," menacingly. 

Letting out a whine at the authority in his voice, Tyler complies. 

The second time around, Tyler is a lot less tentative with his movements. He grabs at the waistbands of both Josh's sweatpants and his boxers, and yanks them down to his ankles forcefully when Josh raises himself off the sofa a little. He lets out a moan as he sees how hard Josh is already, and there are no tiny kitten licks to his head or shaking hands wrapping around his base this time. He takes Josh into his mouth right away and down as far as he can, until he's gagging around him. 

"Fuuuuck, Ty," Josh groans out at his eagerness. 

The second time around, Josh already knows what Tyler likes, and he fists both hands in Tyler's hair to pull his head up and then push it back down, eliciting a moan from the boy with his lips wrapped around him. He feels the noise travel down his length and lets out another groan of Tyler's name, bucking his hips a little and making Tyler gag again. He feels his throat contract around the head of his cock, and he's groaning once more. 

The words, "Hurt me," resound in his head from his and Tyler's escapades on Thursday, in fact he hasn't really stopped hearing Tyler say them since that evening, and he doesn't hold back. He makes sure not to fuck his throat so deep it makes him sick, but other than that, he loses himself in the feeling. His hands tugging Tyler's hair, he yanks his head up and down while his hips buck up into the feeling, and Tyler takes it like a champ. A steady stream of moans are issuing from his throat, all travelling through Josh's dick in torturous little vibrations, as he licks and sucks him up and down over and over. 

Tyler stares up at Josh's face the whole time, closing his eyes only when the occasional gag overcomes him, but he recovers almost right away and goes back to watching Josh. He tries to hold Tyler's eye contact, seeing him this way is excruciatingly hot, but his head keeps falling back against the couch in pleasure. His hips are relentless, fucking his mouth in an unfaltering rhythm as he jerks Tyler's head up and down, his grip in his hair tightening more and more, the longer they go. Tyler is a trooper, he doesn't once complain or ask Josh to stop, in fact he seems to relish every thrust, the hands pulling his hair only encouraging him. 

At one point, as Josh pushes his head down to what he thinks is Tyler's limit, Tyler keeps going. He gags, but pushes through it until he's taken every inch of his cock down his throat and his nose is pressed flat against Josh's stomach. The high pitched, choked out moan this gets him from Josh seems to be exactly what he was looking for, and he pulls him right out of his mouth to lick and lap and suck at the sensitive tip of Josh's dick, before sliding him all the way back down. Josh's hands forget to control his head's movements as he watches Tyler's mouth work, his tongue tracing patterns along the underside of his cock on the way up, and then shoving him all the way back down and gagging as Josh bottoms out down his throat. 

Tyler keeps this up, gagging almost every time but powering through, the noise of him retching and the feeling of his throat tightening around his cock making Josh cry out every time, then Tyler is putting his hands over Josh's in his hair to encourage him to take control again. Josh holds back absolutely nothing now, fucking his throat with grinding hips while he pushes Tyler's head right the way down and tugs him back up, time and time again. Tyler lets out a particularly rough gag around him and Josh can see a dribble of spit run down his chin. The debauched sight brings him right up to the edge of climax. 

"Oh fuck, oh fuck, Ty, you're gonna make me come," he stammers out, hips jerking faster and faster as he chases his orgasm. 

Tyler lets out a long, loud moan at Josh's words, sending tremors through his dick, and his sucking gets harder, his tongue lapping at his length faster as it's rammed in and out of his mouth. And then Josh is coming down his throat with a yell of Tyler's name. Tyler doesn't even have a chance to swallow what's left in his mouth before Josh is yanking him up by the hair and pulling Tyler into his lap to kiss him has hard as he can, lips mashing together and tongues swirling a mixture of spit and come in each other's mouths. They finally break apart to take gasping breaths, and both of them swallow hard. 

"Holy _shit_ , Ty. That... That was the best head I have ever had. You are fucking incredible. I love you so much," Josh groans out, moving back in to kiss him again. 

"I love you, too," Tyler croaks out with a grin, his voice utterly destroyed. 

He moves off of Josh's lap to let him pull up his boxers and pants again, then curls up into Josh's body on the couch, leaning his head on his chest. Josh brings a hand up to run his fingers gently through Tyler's hair and presses his lips to his forehead, both of them still breathing heavily. 

"How do you do that? I swear to God, if there was an award for giving unbelievable blow jobs, you'd win it, no question," he chuckles against Tyler's forehead. 

"It's easy. You just need to get yourself the hottest boyfriend in the world, the rest comes naturally," Tyler grins up at him, cheeks dimpling as he smiles. 

"Nah, sorry to disappoint, but that title definitely goes to me. My boyfriend is _way_ hotter than yours," Josh laughs, putting a finger under Tyler's chin to tilt his head up and kiss his swollen, red lips. 

This one is much less desperate and rushed, full of caring as their lips meet and mouths open. Their tongues dance around one another in a slow, steady rhythm, pausing occasionally for a bitten and pulled lip, or lips brushing against each other without connecting. They kiss like this for minutes, neither one of them wanting to be the one that breaks it. They're finally torn away from one another by a ping from Tyler's phone. 

**-**

Brendon: **Where are you? You're missing out on the joy of Hamlet! Is everything okay?**

Brendon had spent the past three nights out of the dorm room. Tyler was pretty confident in guessing that he'd spent his nights wherever Ryan was spending his, but it had meant that Tyler didn't get a chance to tell Brendon where he was going when he left for Josh's this morning. He sends him a quick text of explanation, tearing his attention from Josh for just a minute. 

Tyler: **Sorry mom, my boyfriend needed me. Take notes for me, you know I can't bear to miss out on any of that sweet, sweet Shakespeare.**

When he looks up from his phone, he sees that Josh is just sitting there, staring at him. As much as he thinks he's managed to cheer Josh up this morning, he's still a little worried about him. He doesn't ever want to see Josh that way again, crying and doubting himself. He deserves nothing but constant happiness, and Tyler is taking it upon himself to make sure he gets it. 

"Are you okay, Jish?" he asks, moving in to trace his lips across the skin of Josh's neck. 

"I've never been better," Josh grins, his eyes creasing and nose scrunching. "I just love you."

Tyler's heart swells to the point he feels like it might burst, thumping hard enough that he wouldn't be surprised if he could see it through the skin of his chest. 

"I love you, too," Tyler smiles. 

He feels like these words are going on the list of things about Josh that he'll never get used to, that hearing Josh say them will forever have his heart pounding and his stomach swooping like he's falling. He supposes that he is falling, in a way. Falling far too fast and far too hard, and he wouldn't change it for the world. 

"Hey," Josh pipes up, pulling Tyler from his thoughts, "I just bought this huge X-Files box set, and I have Doritos and Red Bull in the kitchen. You up for it?"

"Heck yes!" Tyler giggles, echoing Josh's reply to his earlier suggestion of video games and making Josh grin huge, tongue between his teeth, in Tyler's favourite facial expression. 

Well, second favourite, because the face Josh makes when he comes is beyond beautiful. 

*****

They spend the entire day on Josh's couch, getting through fifteen episodes of the first season of The X-Files, two huge bags of Doritos, and a six pack of Red Bull each. Tyler has hardly moved from Josh's arms for twelve hours, the two of them cuddled up together, joking and laughing and kissing. As much as he feels evil to the core for even thinking it, he's almost glad for Josh's anxiety attack. He hates that Josh had to go through it, but it led to such a perfect day. 

Eventually, with a stretch, Josh sits up and pats Tyler's thigh. "C'mon, let's get you back. I gotta get back to work tomorrow and you can't miss any more classes. If I get you into that bed, I don't think I'd ever let you get back out."

Tyler pouts up at him. "Oh please? I am so okay with that," he begs in a baby voice. 

"I am such a bad influence on you," Josh chuckles and kisses his forehead.

"You are, but Brendon said he loves it and he's practically my mom," Tyler tries convincing him, but Josh shakes his head. 

"I barely slept last night, Ty. I really need to get to bed. Of course, I would much prefer to take you with me, but I really don't think I'd let you go, and I don't think we'd get much sleep," he grins. 

Reluctantly, Tyler pulls himself away from Josh's chest and sits up, rubbing his eyes. Josh gets up from the couch and heads to his bedroom to put on a shirt, and Tyler considers following him in to ambush him, but Josh is right. He really can't afford to miss any more classes. He grabs his shoes from under Josh's coffee table and pulls them on, lacing them up, then stands up to stretch as Josh returns in a plain black sweatshirt. Josh always manages to make plain black look so good.

"You're really gorgeous, Josh. I don't tell you that enough," he muses, walking over to lace their fingers together. 

"You're really gorgeous, Tyler," Josh replies with a smile, squeezing his hand as they make their way out the door. 

The drive back to campus is just as painfully short as it was the last time, Josh's hand on Tyler's thigh as always. As he pulls into the car park, Tyler's heart starts to physically hurt with the idea of Josh leaving, of having to go to sleep without Josh's arms wrapped around him. He briefly thinks to himself that he is literally insane, that this is someone he's known for exactly twenty four days, (he's been keeping count) and he's already so infatuated that he can't stand to be without him. Tyler has waited nineteen years to fall in love, but apparently when he does fall, he falls hard. 

"Thank you so much for today, Ty. Just for being there. It was exactly what I needed, I really appreciate it," Josh smiles, putting an arm around Tyler's shoulders and pulling him into a hug. 

"I was just doing my job, Jishwa," Tyler smiles back, pecking a kiss to his cheek. "I had such a great day with you, though. I just wish it didn't have to end."

"I know baby, me too. But I'll see you again soon. And I promise I'm never gonna be an asshole and not talk to you for days, ever again," he presses his lips into Tyler's in a soft kiss. 

"G'night, Josh," Tyler whispers against his lips. "I love you."

"Ninight, Ty. I love you, too," they grin at one another for a beat, and then Tyler's getting out of the car and watching him drive away with a heavy heart. 

He's already running over the day's events in his mind to relay them to Brendon as he walks in doors of the building and over to the elevator. He'll want to know _everything_ , as always. As he gets in the elevator and heads up to their floor, he wonders just how much he should tell him about their Smash Bros bet, but he knows he'll probably end up spilling. Brendon always knows. Tyler takes a deep breath as he throws open the dorm room, and shouts, "Brendon, I am so in love!" at the top of his voice. 

He pauses as he surveys the scene he's just burst in on. There's a lot of scuffling and movement under Brendon's sheets, and then a messy haired Brendon pops his head out from under the blanket. 

"Jesus Christ, Tyler, haven't you ever heard of knocking?!" he shouts back, a very red-faced Ryan emerging beside him. 

"Oooh... Sorry, guys," Tyler laughs nervously from the doorway. "It is _my_ room, though. I don't tend to knock on my own door. Hey, Ryan!" he adds, grinning at him and stepping in to close the door. Ryan offers a sheepish smile in return. 

"Just go wait in the bathroom, jackass," Brendon grumbles to him with a glare, and Tyler does as he's told as his friend leans over to grab a pile of discarded clothes from the floor. 

"Dude, you can come out," he hears Brendon calling a couple of minutes later, and he walks out to find Brendon on his own. "You totally scared him off, jerk," Brendon glares, and Tyler laughs. 

"I'm sorry! I was walking into my bedroom, I wasn't expecting a porno!" he titters. 

"So what's this about love?!" Brendon demands, and Tyler breaks out into a massive grin. 

*****

He spends what feels like an age telling Brendon how he hadn't heard from Josh in days, about the phone call he woke up to that morning, and about his day with Josh. He doesn't go into much detail about what happened after he lost his sixth round of Smash Bros, but Brendon still calls him a kinky slut. Before they know it, it's past midnight and Brendon takes himself off to bed.

Rather than heading to bed himself, as soon as he and Brendon finish talking, Tyler goes straight to his bag to dig out his notebook and scribble out the thoughts that have been bustling around his mind all day, since his and Josh's conversation about anxiety and depression. He flicks on his desk lamp, not using the main room light so as not to keep Brendon awake, grabs a pen, and starts to write. 

He never thought he'd be the kind of person to write someone a love song, never took himself as the type to sing about any feelings he has other than his pain and anguish. That was before he met Josh. Josh, who's taking over his life, bleeding into every part of it, filling all the cracks, surrounding his surroundings. He works for hours, thinking back to their conversations earlier that day, about his both of them struggle so much to be freed from their own brains, and he puts it all down on the paper. He doesn't even notice the light creeping in through the window as he works and reworks the lyrics, until he finally finishes and realises he has to be up for class in an hour. He's mentally and physically exhausted, now is not the time for Hamlet, but Tyler absolutely cannot miss three days of classes in a row, so he drags his feet over to his bed, collapses on top of it, and naps for an hour before he needs to be up again. 

*****

Tyler falls asleep _twice_ in his morning classes, and spends his lunch hour napping in the dorm room, before returning for afternoon classes and falling asleep again. Brendon has to keep shoving him to wake him up, telling him that if Hiles catches him sleeping in class, he's dead. 

This is the main reason why his heart sinks when, at the eventual end of their classes for the day, Dr Hiles calls to Tyler and motions for him to approach his desk in the centre of the lecture hall. He packs his books into his bag, even though he hasn't picked up a pen or turned a page all day, and hauls himself up to the front. 

"Mister Joseph," Dr Hiles starts, and Tyler tries not to cringe, he hates that his professor calls him this, 'Mister Joseph' is his father, it sounds far too grown up, "I normally don't intervene like this. It is my own, personal philosophy that I can only teach those who want to learn, if a student has no time for me, I have no time for that student. However, I see true potential in you. The essay you turned in during your first week, your writing on trees, that was the best essay I received from the class. You could flourish in this subject, if only you applied yourself. I must say, I was disappointed when I didn't receive your work on Macbeth on time, and your truancy is out of hand. You have missed three of my classes in your first three weeks here. There are no parents or teachers pushing you to work harder in college, you must push yourself if you want to succeed."

Tyler stands, hunched over and staring at his feet, as Dr Hiles talks. He opens his mouth to offer an explanation for his absences, but his professor holds up a hand to quiet him before he even begins to speak. 

"I do not want to hear your excuses. I won't be raising the issue with you again, just some food for thought. You are only hurting yourself. That is all," he dismisses Tyler, who rummages around in his backpack for his Macbeth essay, wordlessly leaves it on his desk, and stalks off. 

He feels incredibly guilty, not because of his professor but because of his parents. He's always thinking about the amount of money they're spending to send him to college, money that they don't have to spare, money they wouldn't have had to spend if he'd kept playing basketball and got in on a scholarship. They would be so disappointed in him if they knew he'd been skipping classes. Dr Hiles had mentioned that he was wasting his potential, and 'wasted potential' was a term his mother had used a lot when he told her he didn't want to play basketball anymore. 

Alongside the guilt he feels in his stomach, however, there's also a glimmer of hope in his heart at Dr Hiles' words. "That was the best essay I received from the class". As much as he hates the fact, Tyler thrives on the approval of others, he needs constant validation to feel like the things he creates have any worth. He's a good writer. Even his Nazi of an English professor had told him so. He wrote something that was accredited with more worth than the words of any of his fellow classmen. The thought filled him with confidence. 

He zones out as he walks back to his room, making his way there on autopilot. He's a little surprised when he finds himself at his dorm room door, and as he lets himself inside, he simply replies with a grunt when Brendon asked what Dr Hiles wanted. He doesn't even bother taking off his shoes, he just drags his feet over to his bed, throws himself down on top of the sheets and passes out almost as soon as his head hits the pillow.

*****

"Tyler?... Tyler!" Brendon's voice pulls him from his sleep and he groans, rolling around to hide his face in his pillow. He can't have been asleep for more than five minutes. "C'mon, buddy, you've been asleep for two hours now. Any longer and you won't sleep tonight."

Rats. 

"I'm not your buddy, guy," Tyler groans to Brendon, and he hears a laugh. 

"Hey, did you take your pills today? Have you eaten?" Brendon asks, sitting at the foot of Tyler's bed and poking him repeatedly in his left calf. When he doesn't get an answer, the pokes become harder and faster, until he's incessantly jabbing at Tyler's leg. 

"Ugh, mom, five more minutes," the poking keeps up, and he rolls around to sit up on his bed, "alright already, I'm up! I'm up!"

"I didn't hear an answer, young lady," Brendon scolds him sternly. 

"No and no, I was too busy not sleeping, then I was too busy sleeping," Tyler grumbles, rubbing at his bleary eyes. 

With a tut, Brendon gets up to rummage around in the kitchen and returns with two pills, a mug of water and a candy bar. "Dinner is served, it's delicious and nutritious!"

They're still making their way through the pile of chocolate Brendon bought Tyler as a peace offering, and he takes them from Brendon's hands, swallowing his pills and tearing the wrapper from his candy bar to take a bite. 

"Happy?" he snaps through a mouthful of chocolate. 

"Happier," Brendon corrects him. "You need to call your real mom and ask her to send you more meds, remember?"

Tyler groans again. He really doesn't want to deal with his mother right now, as terrible as that sounds, but he knows it's true, he needs his medication. 

"Go on, the sooner you do it the sooner it'll be over," Brendon coaxes him, and he nods, grabbing his phone. 

"Yeah, yeah, I'll be right back."

Tyler moves out to the hallway for a little privacy before dialling his mom's number. Part of him is hoping she won't answer, but of course, she does. 

"Hello?" her voice comes from the phone on the second ring, it's as if she's always standing by her phone waiting for him to call. 

"Hey mom, uhh, I'm just calling you real quick here, I'm running low on medication, you think you could get a prescription and send some out to me? And maybe talk to the doctor about upping the dose again?" he hears her gasp, and shakes his head, "No, mom, it's nothing bad, I'm just a little stressed out."

"Oh honey, I'm sorry, I hope you're okay. How's college going?" he can hear the worry in her voice. He hates worrying her. 

"Yeah, mom, it's great. Actually, today my professor told me my essay was the best one in the whole class, so that was cool," he decides to leave out the part where he said it during a speech about Tyler skipping too many classes. What she doesn't know can't hurt her. 

"Oh honey, that's great news! Your father and I are just so proud of you, you know that. And what about the girl next door to you?" he can hear the smile in her voice, now. 

He realises that he hasn't even seen Hayley since the kiss fiasco, and feels guilt bubble up in his stomach again. She went looking for him. She called Josh. Who knows what might have happened if it weren't for her. He needs to see her, he'll check if she's in her dorm after the call. 

"I haven't really had the time to see her, mom. I've been so busy with school," he lies. 

He's been busy, alright, but Shakespeare isn't the one that's been distracting him. 

"That's very sensible of you, Tyler. Education always comes first. We really are so, so proud of you, you know."

He feels more guilt gnawing away at his insides. For lying to her, for skipping classes, and he wants so desperately to tell her about Josh. 

"There is someone I like a lot," he tells her before he can think it through. This is very dangerous territory. 

"Oh, Tyler! That's just wonderful, I'm so glad to hear it! What's she like?" he winces at the question, but doesn't correct her. He treads carefully with his answer, avoiding pronouns. 

"One of the most amazing people I've ever met, mom. Someone that makes me so, so happy," he gushes with a grin. 

"Oh, Tyler!" she cries, sounding ecstatic. "Oh, that's just _wonderful_ ," she repeats, "I can't wait to tell your father! Oh, we'll have to meet her soon!" 

Tyler's heart drops to his stomach. What has he done?

"Oh, I mean, it's early days, mom," he backtracks, "that's maybe a little much just yet."

"Ah, yes. You don't want to take it too fast," she agrees. If only she knew...

The conversation is making Tyler feel queasy, so he fabricates an essay related excuse and terminates the call. He's about to head back to his dorm, when he remembers Hayley. He heads over to knock the door next to his and Brendon's and a pretty girl with a head of shocking, bright turquoise hair answers the door. 

"Hey, Tyler!" she beams, pulling him in for a hug, and he realises the girl is Hayley.

"Woah, Hayley, your hair looks sick as frick! I didn't even recognise you!" he tells her. 

She looks stunning. Suddenly, Tyler can't blame Brendon for kissing her, and Tyler isn't even attracted to women.

"Thanks so much!" she grins a toothy smile, scrunching up her nose. "You wanna come in?" he walks into her room and takes a seat in her couch, and she sits in the bed opposite him. "Listen, Tyler, I want to apologise to you for that Saturday-"

"No," he interrupts, "Hayley, I came here to thank you. You did _nothing_ wrong. I wasn't upset that you guys kissed, I was upset with Brendon for breaking a promise. I don't know what would have happened, if you hadn't called Josh. I owe you."

"Don't be silly! I'm just glad you're okay! I was so worried," the old guilt over the situation that Tyler had put to rest raises its ugly head again, he'd worried and upset the only three people here who care about him over something so silly. "Speaking of Josh, I hear you two are boyfriends now!"

She grins at him with her tongue between her teeth, an expression Tyler has taken to calling a 'Josh smile' in his head now, and his heart flutters at the mention of the word 'boyfriend', just as it always does. 

"Yeah," he smiles, looking down at his hands in his lap. 

"You guys are too cute together, seriously," she smiles back at him, then lets out a little giggle, "You should have heard the way he talked about you after you left, that night when we dyed his hair."

Tyler's head shoots up at this and she giggles again at his reaction. 

"Hayley, tell me!" he whines, and she stands with a smile. 

"Tea?"

*****

After a cup of tea and a detailed account of a hundred adorable things Josh had said to Hayley about Tyler in his absence, and a few more thank yous, Tyler heads back into his room, heart aflutter and cheeks aching from smiling. 

"Hey, T-bag! What's got you so happy?" Brendon asks from his desk, where he sits at his laptop. 

"Josh," Tyler grins. It's all he needs to say. Brendon rolls his eyes at him, but he's smiling. 

"You need to bring Josh over to hang out! My little baby is in love, I need to get to know the guy! I've said exactly four sentences to him, and I think I used one of them to threaten him with gun violence."

"You did," Tyler agrees, remembering the night of the frat party when Brendon and Josh had first met. 

He's a little torn over the idea of bringing Josh 'home' to spend time with Brendon. On one hand, he loves that Brendon is showing interest, that he cares, that he wants to get to know Josh for Tyler's sake. On the other hand, Josh is his. He wants to keep him all to himself, doesn't want to share him with anyone else. 

"Yeah, okay, I'll ask him if he wants to come over some time," he tells Brendon, not yet deciding whether or not he will. 

"Ask him to come round tonight! It's not like we have plans, you don't have any classes tomorrow, why not? Tell him he has to pass my Dad test. Tell him that not showing up will be his first strike if he doesn't get his ass over here. Oh! Tell him to bring weed!" Brendon's eyes light up at the last request. 

Tyler very nearly refuses. He doesn't know why he's so reluctant to combine these two parts of his life. They're the two most important people in his life that aren't family. He should want them to love one another, he _does_ want them to love one another, but he still doesn't like the idea of having to share Josh with anyone. He audibly sighs as he thinks to himself. If Josh is going to be around as long as Tyler wants him to be, he and Brendon are going to have to spend time together eventually. 

"Fine," he relents, picking up his phone to send Josh a text. "But you have to be nice to him, or I'm never talking to you again," he glares, and Brendon puts on his best offended face. 

"T-bag, what do you take me for?!" he demands.

"I take you for my friend, Brendon, the notorious troll!" Tyler accuses with venom. 

"Ah, you know me so well," Brendon chuckles.

Tyler rolls his eyes as he types out a text. 

Tyler: **The following is a direct quote from my deplorable roommate: "Tell him to come round tonight! Tell him he has to pass my dad test. Tell him not showing up will be his first strike. OH. Tell him to bring weed!" I am so sorry. x**

Less than a minute later, Tyler's phone pings with a reply.

Josh: **Haha sounds great I'll be over soon x**

Tyler's heart flutters at the idea of spending the evening with Josh, and the fact that Brendon's ridiculous ways aren't putting him off. In fact, he said it sounds _great_. 

"Well?" Brendon asks, looking at him in anticipation. 

"Yeah, he's coming over," Tyler smiles. 

"Marvellous! He's earning dad points already," Brendon beams back, and moves to start tidying up the room a little. 

*****

There's a knock at the door, and Tyler jumps up immediately, but Brendon beats him to it with an, "Ah ah ah!" in a singsong voice, and a smirk. 

Tyler can already tell this is going to be painful. 

Brendon throws the door open dramatically, and there stands Josh in all his glory. His outfit is simple, black jeans with ripped knees, the same plain black sweater he was wearing yesterday when he drove Tyler back to campus, a camouflage jacket over the top of it, and his matte black Doctor Martens, with a backwards cap to top it all off. Gorgeous, as ever. 

"Joooooossshhhhhh," Brendon drawls, yanking him through the doorway and hugging him, before letting him go and quick firing words at him without pausing for Josh to answer, "so wonderful to see you, glad you could make it, how are you, that's good, so tell me, what are your intentions with my Tyler?"

With a completely straight face, Josh replies, "To corrupt him entirely." 

" _Fantastic_ , you pass the first test, come on in!" Brendon grins, gesturing to the room.

Josh heads straight over to squeeze Tyler into a hug and kiss his forehead, "Hi," he murmurs into Tyler's ear with a smile. 

"Hi," Tyler smiles back, pecking a kiss to his lips, then taking his hand and leading him over to his bed to sit down. "He's definitely not done," he whispers in Josh's ear.

As if on cue, Brendon flops down onto the bed opposite them and rounds on Josh, "Cats or dogs?"

"Uhh, cats," Josh answers, looking a little bemused.

"Justin Bieber or One Direction?" comes Brendon's next rapid fire question. 

"God, neither!" Josh makes a face, and Brendon grins before moving on.

"Sex or food?" he questions with a wicked smile. 

"Both. At the same time," Josh doesn't even take a beat to answer, and Brendon cackles. 

"Man, he's good!" he says to Tyler. "So, I hear you play drums?" he asks, turning back to Josh. 

"He's an even better drummer than you, Brendon," Tyler teases, then turns to Josh, "Brendon played drums in band back in high school."

"Woah, really? Dude, that's sick! You should show me some time!" Josh grins at him. 

"For sure! We can have a drum off, see who the better drummer really is," he raises and lowers his eyebrows at him, and Josh laughs. 

"Actually, Josh and I just wrote this awesome new song," Tyler cuts in, "you wanna hear it?"

Josh shoots Tyler a confused look, and Tyler winks at him without Brendon seeing. 

"Of course!" Brendon exclaims enthusiastically, bringing his legs up onto the bed and folding them over each other underneath him. 

Tyler turns to Josh with laughter in his eyes, and they start singing in almost perfect unison, Tyler leading just slightly with words he makes up on the spot and trying desperately not to laugh, "You, are taking so long, San Francisco," they finish, having held the same tune together throughout. Josh actually sings really well, Tyler thinks to himself.

"Yeah, we've been working pretty hard on it for a while now. I think the hard work will pay off though, I can see this song being our big break," Tyler states with a perfectly straight face, and Brendon laughs at them. 

"You guys are such dorks," he smiles, then turns back on Josh. "So what kind of music are you into, Josh?"

"There's this one song that he listens to all the time, non-stop, really. It goes like this," Tyler starts.

"Oh, I know it!" Josh adds as Tyler turns to face him, and he can see the mischief in Josh's smile as the two of them sing together again.

"You, are taking so long, San Francisco," both of them dissolving into fits of laughter before they even reach the end. 

Tyler manages to choke out, "Why does San Francisco keep taking so long?!" before he's collapsing on the bed in another fit of giggles. 

"You losers!" Brendon cackles at them, throwing his pillow across the room to hit Tyler in the face as he laughs on the bed. "Jesus Christ, if this is you sober, I shudder to think what the two of you are like stoned!"

"Oh, speaking of!" Josh calls out, wiping a tear from his eye, then he reaches a hand into his coat pocket to produce his baggy of weed, "Who's up for a joint?"

"Oh, me! Me, me, pick me!" Brendon bleats, holding up his hand and bouncing up and down on his bed like an over eager school child with the answer to a teacher's question. 

Josh chuckles at him, then turns to Tyler. "Ty, you up for a smoke?" he asks him with a smile.

"For sure, but we need to go somewhere there's no security, because you will literally get me kicked out of college. There's only so many notices they can put on the board," Tyler replies and Josh laughs. 

"Yeah, I saw those on my way up here. We can go into the forest at the edge of campus!" he suggests. 

Tyler almost whines out a protest. The forest is _theirs_ , his and Josh's secret place, somewhere they found together and somewhere Josh found him without even having to think. He wants it to stay that way, but he doesn't want to sound childish, so he agrees. There's no way he's bringing Brendon to their waterfall, though. That's not for him, or anyone else but Tyler and Josh. 

Josh stands up from Tyler's bed to sit in his computer chair and roll on his desk, taking his skins and tobacco from his pocket. Tyler looks across the room to Brendon on his bed, who wiggles his eyebrows at him. Tyler screws up his face and sticks out his tongue. 

They wait about five minutes for Josh to roll, having a silent conversation across the room through eyes and hand gestures, Brendon getting across the point that Josh is hot and that he approves, Tyler just rolling his eyes and flipping him off. 

"You're awfully quiet back there, guys," Josh calls out as he lifts the loaded skin in front of him to roll it into a cone. "You wouldn't be having a hushed conversation about me behind my back, now, would you?"

"Nonsense!" comes Brendon's smarmy reply, "a hushed conversation would involve an exchanging of words, and that certainly isn't happening."

Josh lets out a little chuckle as he licks the gum of the skin and sticks it down, then places the joint behind his ear and spins in his chair to face the two of them. "So, we ready?"

"We are! Let's go get stoned!" Brendon sings, jumping up from his bed and grabbing a pair of shoes from under it. 

Tyler drags himself to the edge of the bed to shove his floral vans on his feet, suddenly being hit with a new wave of exhaustion. Tyler doesn't function well on no sleep. He isn't a morning person, and this long, sleepless day has been like twelve hours of morning so far. He feels groggy and slow as he ties his laces. 

Once he's done and he stands up, Josh grabs his hand to intertwine their fingers and they walk out of the dorm, Brendon locking up behind them. 

"Are you okay, Ty? You seem a little off," Josh asks, words dripping with concern as he gives Tyler's hand a squeeze. 

Even in his exhaustion, Josh's sugary sweetness makes him grin. "I'm fine, Jish. I'm just exhausted, I didn't sleep last night."

"What?! Why not? What happened? Are you okay?" Josh stops in his tracks to turn and look at Tyler, reminding him of Brendon pouncing on Josh as soon as he walked in the door with all his questions. 

"I was writing," Tyler tells him, not going any further with his explanation. "You'll hear it soon enough."

Josh's worried expression changes to an excited grin at his words, and he squeezes Tyler's hand again as they continue walking. "I can't wait," he promises. 

The three of them make their way downstairs, out the doors, across the car park and over an expanse of grass to the forest in the distance, Josh's hand squeezing Tyler's every now and then and Brendon asking Josh occasional questions about things like the record store, his favourite Taco Bell order and how big his feet are. 

Tyler shoots a, " _Brendon_!" at him for the last one. 

"Whaaaaat? It's just in case I wanna buy him some shoes in the future, I swear!" Brendon drawls, earning him a glare from Tyler and a shout of laughter from Josh. 

As they reach the edge of the forest, Tyler makes sure they steer clear of the path that leads to his and Josh's waterfall, instead finding them a spot on the outskirts that's well covered by trees. Brendon leans his back up against a tree, while Tyler and Josh stand hand in hand nearby, and Josh lights up the joint. 

The banter between the three of them is effortless as the burning cone gets passed around, and Tyler finds himself so thankful that Josh came, that Brendon wanted to make an effort to get to know him, that he has the two of them in his life. He finds himself _wanting_ to share Josh with his best friend now, it feels like the three of them have known each other for years. 

The familiar, floating feeling of the weed takes over, and Tyler is suddenly feeling euphoric. He laughs harder at their jokes, he marvels as Josh blows smoke rings, he spins around in circles as fast as he can to get dizzy because Brendon tells him it gets you 'way higher', then stands there with the Earth spinning as Josh and Brendon laugh at him for falling for the joke. 

Tyler leans in to give Josh a kiss at one point as he passes him the joint, unable to stand the distance between them any longer. As he presses their lips together, he hears Brendon sing, "Let's get it on," from the tree he's leaning against a few feet away. 

Tyler laughs at him against Josh's lips, then kisses him again, and suddenly Brendon's face is inches away from theirs and he's screaming, "WAAAAAAAAAGH," at the top of his lungs, à la Marvin Gaye. 

Josh lets out a hearty laugh at him, but Tyler gives him an evil stare. 

"Brendon, somewhere in this forest there is a tree working tirelessly to produce oxygen to keep you alive. I think you owe it an apology for wasting its time," he quips, and Josh chuckles at his words. 

"You _love_ me!" Brendon replies, and God help him, Tyler really does. 

Once the joint has burned away, Brendon makes to head back towards the dorms building with them, but Josh holds back. 

"Hey, you go on ahead, okay? We'll catch up!" Josh announces to Brendon. 

"Gross, you guys!" Brendon calls back to them, but he continues on his path back to the building. 

Tyler gives Josh a puzzled look, but he gets only a smile in return as he takes Tyler's hand again and leads him through the trees. It takes Tyler a minute or two to get his bearings, and then he realises exactly where they're going with a grin. They walk along in a comfortable silence, hand in hand, until they come out to the clearing in the trees and the trickling sound of their waterfall. 

"This is the real reason I wanted to come out to the forest," he tells Tyler with a little smile, and he produces a knife from his pocket. 

For a split second, Tyler panics, until he sees Josh turn to find the very tree Tyler had climbed up and sat in for hours on end two Sundays ago, and start carving something into the bark. He works for maybe three minutes, Tyler just watching him curiously, until he stands back to admire his handiwork and Tyler sees what's written in a crooked heart Josh has cut into the wood. 

**JISH + TY**


	20. Singing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I left it a little while between updates, (I know ~24 hours really isn't that long, but for this story so far it may as well have been a week, haha) I've been really struggling the last couple of days.
> 
> I just wanna thank you guys for your time, your support, your kind words and those amazing few who always leave me the most incredible and overwhelmingly sweet comments. 
> 
> You guys motivate and inspire me, you bring me so much joy, you make me _want_ to write, and I appreciate you all so much for that. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy ❤️

Tyler takes in the wonky heart capturing their names in the bark of the tree as Josh puts the pen knife back in his pocket, and he can't help the giggle that comes from him. Not wanting Josh to think he's making fun of him, Tyler walks over to wrap his arms around his waist and pull him in for a tight hug from behind. 

"Joshua Dun, you adorable, cheesy thing you," he gushes, kissing across the skin of Josh's neck between words. "I think this is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me."

Josh turns in his arms with a massive grin on his face, and kisses the tip of Tyler's nose. 

"You said you love this place because it's ours when we first found it," he smiles and pecks Tyler's lips with his own. "This way, it's ours forever. A hundred years from now some stoned college kids will climb this tree and see us half way up. We'll be looking down on the waterfall forever," he beams, looking proud of himself. 

In that moment Tyler loves him more than he's ever loved anyone in his entire life. Josh wants them to have a forever. He told Tyler he'd spend the rest of his life trying to make him believe he was lovely yesterday, sure, but those were words. Words are only for the moment, once they're said they fade away. This is physical and permanent, something Tyler can see and touch, something that will outlive both of them. 

"It's perfect," Tyler whispers in his ear, "I love it. I love you," he captures Josh's lips with his own and kisses him long and slow, feeling as though he's in one of the 80s romance movies he spent his childhood watching. 

"I love you, too," Josh breathes when their kiss is eventually broken. "I love you so, so much. You don't know how thankful I am that you decided to buy a record that day."

Tyler knows all too well. He doesn't dare to think about where he might be if he hadn't met Josh that day. Already, he finds it hard to remember his life without him, and it's only just been over three weeks since they met. It's like he was living in grayscale, and Josh brought colour into his life. He can't imagine going back to black and white now. 

"It must've been fate, since we're getting all cheesy about it," Tyler giggles, and Josh gives him one of his gorgeous, nose scrunching, eye crinkling smiles. "C'mon, we should get back to the room before Brendon starts telling the entire college that we're fucking in the woods."

"Well, I mean, if people are already thinking it, we might as well," Josh laughs, but he takes Tyler's hand and they start to make their way back. 

*****

"Hello, children!" Brendon calls out as soon as Tyler opens the door, "I _do_ hope you used protection, I'm still too young to be a grandma."

Tyler rolls his eyes at his friend's comment and leads Josh into the dorm room, still holding his hand. He looks around to see Brendon sitting on his bed with an acoustic guitar in his arms, going back to the strumming they must have interrupted when they walked in. Tyler's eyes move to his own bed where a ukulele sits on his pillow, and between the two beds there's a strange, wooden box on the floor. 

"Holy crap, where'd you get a cajón?" Josh asks Brendon, and Tyler looks at him with no clue what he's talking about. 

"I raided the music room with a couple of buddies, I thought we could have a good old fashioned sing-along!" Brendon replies, tuning his guitar.

"Sick!" Josh exclaims with a grin, and he moves to sit on top of the wooden box. 

"Is that a kah-, a kayhu-... is that word you just said what that box thingy is called?" Tyler inquires, and Josh and Brendon both burst out laughing. 

"Josh, if you'd kindly demonstrate for our clueless counterpart here, I'd love to witness you showcasing your talents," Brendon smiles, setting the guitar on the floor between his legs. 

Josh sits back on the box, a leg on either side of it, tapping the front and sides a few times, testing out its percussive sounds, and then he starts to play. As always, he drums with his whole body, getting lost in his music as he knocks out a beat, tapping and scratching and hitting the box that manages to sound like a whole drum kit all at once, filling their dorm room with a rhythmic pulse that Tyler can't help but move to. 

When he stops, Tyler just stares. Josh's laughter pulls him out of his trance. 

"You... you just played a _box_ and it sounded amazing. How do you do that?!"he gapes. 

"A cajón, Tyler," Brendon reminds him, but Tyler isn't listening. 

He's too busy being in awe of his boyfriend. As Brendon looks back down to his guitar, Josh makes the most adorable kissy face in Tyler's direction, and he giggles. Brendon starts strumming out the gentle chords to the start of Bohemian Rhapsody on his guitar behind him. Josh picks up the rhythm pretty quickly and starts drumming along, and soon all three of them are singing at the top of their lungs, "Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality..."

They make it the whole way through the song, every one of them knowing every word, the three of them harmonising the lyrics and yelling the words with more energy than Tyler thought he had. They finish on a high, and move on to a few different Queen songs afterwards. At the end of We Will Rock You, Tyler is sure Josh's hands must ache from how hard he was hitting that box, but he doesn't complain. 

Then, he's asking Tyler if he wants to come outside with him while he smokes a cigarette. Tyler agrees and grabs the ukulele from his pillow before they head downstairs, to give him something to do while Josh smokes. He's wearing the hoody he stole from Josh, but the cold, evening air still bites at his skin. Although he'd taken off his sweater while he was playing, Josh seems to run on hot all the time, and standing outside in just a t-shirt and jeans doesn't seem to be getting to him. 

Absentmindedly strumming while Josh lights his cigarette, Tyler's fingers find the chords of the song he's played on the ukulele most often. It was one of the first songs he taught himself as a kid when his mother had finally relented and bought him the ukulele he had begged her for, and he starts to sing as Josh watches him. 

_Wise men say,_  
_Only fools rush in,_  
_But I can't help falling in love with you._

Suddenly, it's as if this song that Tyler has known off by heart for years now is taking on a whole new meaning as he sings the lyrics. It's as though every word of it were written solely for him and Josh. 

_Shall I stay?_  
_Would it be a sin,_  
_If I can't help falling in love with you?_

_Like a river flows,_  
_Surely to the sea,_  
_Darling so it goes,_  
_Some things are meant to be._

_Take my hand,_  
_Take my whole life too,_  
_For I can't help falling in love with you._  
_'Cause I can't help falling in love with you._  
_But I can't help falling in love with you._

Josh is staring at him, and Tyler stares back, until Josh is grabbing him and kissing him, right in the same spot they shared their first kiss. Tyler's free hand, the one that isn't holding the ukulele, goes to Josh's hair, just like that first night, and Josh wraps his arms around Tyler's waist and pulls him so close he lifts him off his feet. 

"I love you, Tyler," Josh tells him when he sets his feet back on the ground. "Your voice is incredible. I could listen to you sing all day long. You're so talented."

"Thank you, I love you too," is all Tyler can manage in a small voice. 

Josh takes the last few draws of his cigarette, and they make their way back upstairs, hands held and fingers interlaced, Josh with a small smile on his lips. Tyler is lost in thought as they stand in the elevator, about how Josh reacts every time Tyler plays and about how comfortable he is playing in front of him. No one has ever been more complimentary of his voice, not even Brendon. They get back into the dorm room to find it empty, both Brendon and the acoustic guitar are gone, however the cajón still sits in the middle of the room. Josh sits back down on top of it as Tyler spies a note sitting on his bed and crosses the room to pick it up. 

**Ryan wants to practice, have fun! B**

Brendon has left a condom under the note, and Tyler quickly picks it up and stuffs it in his pocket before Josh can see. Josh isn't even looking, he's gone back to the instrument, tapping out an offbeat rhythm on it. Tyler just sits down on his bed and watches him, getting lost in Josh getting lost in playing. They way his whole body jerks and sways, his shaking head and tapping feet, he transforms the wooden box into a whole orchestra of sounds. If it's even possible, Tyler's falling deeper in love. 

His thoughts go back to the lyrics he wrote last night, inspired by the conversation he and Josh had the previous day, by how much they both knew what it was like to be a prisoner in your own mind. He hasn't practiced the song once, he doesn't even know what the words sound like accompanied by the music he has in mind, but just like when he wrote his song Migraine, he finds himself _wanting_ to play for Josh. 

He interrupts Josh's playing, "Hey, you wanna hear why I didn't sleep last night?"

Josh beams at him, "I'd love to!"

"Okay," Tyler smiles back, "just keep in mind that this was written for the piano, okay? This is, like, the island version," he says, picking up the ukulele. 

Josh chuckles and nods as Tyler strums a few chords, picking up the same offbeat rhythm Josh had been using for his drumming. Then, not meeting Josh's eyes, he sings to him. 

_I'm taking over my body,_  
_Back in control, no more shotty._  
_I bet a lot of me was lost,_  
_Ts uncrossed and Is undotted._  
_I fought it a lot, and it seems a lot,_  
_Like flesh is all I got,_  
_Not anymore, flesh out the door, swat!_

_I must've forgot, you can't trust me,_  
_I'm open a moment and closed when you show it,_  
_Before you know it I'm lost at sea._  
_And now that I write and think about it,_  
_And the story unfolds,_  
_You should take my life,_  
_You should take my soul._  
_Oh oh oh, oh oh oh,_  
_Oh oh oh, oh oh oh._

_You are surrounding all my surroundings,_  
_Sounding down the mountain range of my left side brain._  
_You are surrounding all my surroundings,_  
_Twisting the kaleidoscope behind both of my eyes._  
_Oh oh oh, oh oh oh,_  
_And I'll be holding on to you._  
_Oh oh oh, oh oh oh,_  
_And I'll be holding on to you._

_Remember the moment,_  
_You know exactly where you're going,_  
_'Cause the next moment before you know it,_  
_Time is slowing and it's frozen still,_  
_And the windowsill looks really nice, right?_  
_You think twice about your life,_  
_It probably happens at night, right?_  
_Fight it!_  
_Take the pain, ignite it,_  
_Tie a noose around your mind,_  
_Loose enough to breathe fine and tie it,_  
_To a tree, tell it "You belong to me,_  
_This ain't a noose, this is a leash,_  
_And I have news for you, you must obey me."_

_You are surrounding all my surroundings,_  
_Sounding down the mountain range of my left side brain._  
_You are surrounding all my surroundings,_  
_Twisting the kaleidoscope behind both of my eyes._  
_And I'll be holding on to you._  
_Oh oh oh, oh oh oh,_  
_And I'll be holding on to you._  
_Oh oh oh, oh oh oh,_  
_And I'll be holding on to you._  
_Oh oh oh, oh oh oh,_  
_And I'll be holding on to you._

He screams out the last line as he stops playing his ukulele, and he finally meets Josh's eyes. As with every time Tyler plays music for him, Josh just stares, expression unreadable. Tyler feels incredibly vulnerable at that moment, squirming a little under Josh's gaze. He's never written a song for anybody in his life, much less performed it for them. He can't bear the silence between them for another second, and speaks up. 

"I, uhh, I think it'll sound better on a keyboard, but you get the-" he's cut off by Josh's lips crashing into his. 

He's gotten off his box and crossed the room to wrap his arms around Tyler's waist and pick him up off his feet again. Tyler throws the ukulele onto Brendon's bed in front of him so he can wrap his arms around Josh's neck, and his legs come up to encircle his waist, where Josh's hands support them. They kiss like this for a minute straight, Tyler gripping Josh like a koala and Josh's hands moving to grab at his ass as their lips work against one another's, until Josh finally lets him back down. 

"Thank you," is all Josh says at first, and Tyler just looks at him, confused, until he elaborates. "Thank you for playing for me. Thank you for the words. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for inspiring me. I meant what I said that night we broke into the music room, you are a fucking excellent musician. I swear to God, you're unlike anyone I've ever heard before."

Tyler blushes at his outburst and looks down at his feet until Josh puts a finger under his chin and lifts his head to look into his eyes. 

"Can I play with you?" Josh asks him.

Tyler grins and grabs the ukulele from the bed to start playing the chords of his song again, and Josh takes up his place back on the box. Just like the first time they played together, one listen to the song was enough for Josh, and his offbeat drumming matches the song's every twist and turn perfectly. He adds a flourish in his rhythm to the pauses in the lyrics where it had just been Tyler's chords, keeping impeccable time and turning the song into something so much better than it had been. As they finish, Tyler's grin is so huge it makes his face ache. 

"Wow," he says to Josh, "we make such a good team!"

"Yeah, we do!" Josh chuckles, moving to pick him once more. 

This time, he falls back onto the bed with Tyler in his arms, kissing his forehead once they land on the bed. Tyler lets out a contented sigh as he sets the ukulele on the floor and the two of them kick off their shoes over the side of the bed. He curls up into Josh, resting his head on his chest in their standard cuddling position, feeling the rise and fall of Josh's breathing under him. 

"Hey, Ty, promise me something?" Josh asks, looking down at him. 

"Anything," Tyler replies, looking up. 

"Don't ever stop making music, okay? I've never seen you be more... yourself, than when you're singing."

"I promise," Tyler smiles, his heart swelling with Josh's words. 

He never feels more himself than when he plays, as though his instruments are an extension of his body. He never expresses himself better than when he's singing his lyrics. The fact that Josh recognises this, that he can pick up on these little things, means he pays more attention than anyone else. 

"I love you so much, Josh," Tyler smiles up at him. 

He can feel sleep seeping into his brain from all sides, and he just manages to catch Josh's, "I love you too, Ty," before everything fades, warm and fuzzy, to black. 

**-**

Tyler looks so beautiful when he sleeps. Josh could watch him for hours, in fact he probably has at this point. It's already grown dark outside, the light fading slowly to a dusky glow and now completely absent as he observes the slumbering angel on his chest. Josh has work again early in the morning, but he can't bear to wake the exhausted boy curled up into him. 

Tyler has never looked more at peace, the constant crease of worry from his forehead gone as his facial muscles go slack. There is no embarrassment or shyness, no insecurities plague him as he sleeps. Occasionally, his eyelids will flicker with whatever dream he's lost in, or he'll let out a soft, little moan that makes Josh want to kiss him, but mainly he's just the most relaxed Josh has ever seen him. 

When Brendon finally returns from wherever he's been, Josh holds a finger up to his lips to quiet him, so as not to disturb Tyler's sleep. 

"Aw, how cute," Brendon smiles when he sees them. 

"Isn't he?" Josh enthuses, then he takes a deep breath. 

He's been planning on saying something to Brendon for over a week now, he just needed to get a moment where they were on their own together. It looks like this is as close to alone as they're going to get. It's now or never. 

"Listen, man, we need to talk," he says in what he hopes sounds like an authoritative tone, keeping his voice hushed. It's the closest to authoritative he can muster, anyway. 

Brendon flinches at his words, as though he knows exactly what's coming, like he's been expecting it, but he nods anyway and sits on the edge of his bed to hear what Josh has to say. 

"I don't know what happened between you two that Saturday," Josh continues. "I don't know what you did, and I don't need to know. That's between you guys. What I _do_ know is that you really hurt Tyler. Bad. He was a God damn mess, Brendon. The first time you ever met me, at that frat party, you told me, 'If you hurt him, I will shoot you. Don't think I'm kidding, I have a gun.' Well, I don't have a gun, but if you ever hurt him like that again, I'll get one."

Brendon stares for a second, then breaks out into a huge grin. Josh looks at him, bewildered by his reaction. 

"I'm serious man, I'm not kidding around. I mean, I'm glad you guys are friends again and all, but if you ever do that again-"

"I know you're serious," Brendon breaks in. "That's why I'm smiling. I like you, Josh. You're good for him. In fact, you're exactly what he needs. You have officially passed the dad test, congratulations! And know that I regret hurting Tyler more than I regret almost anything, and I have done _a lot_ of stupid shit over the years."

"Now that I believe!" Josh chuckles, glad that his moment of intimidation is over. 

He's never been very good at being anything other than harmless and nice to others, but when someone messes with or hurts the people he loves, he doesn't just stand there and take it. 

"I promise you now that I won't actively do anything that could hurt him like that ever again. I can't promise you he'll never get hurt again, our Tyler is a precious and fragile little bean, but I will take every necessary precaution to avoid it," Brendon reassures him earnestly. 

Josh smiles warmly at him, feeling even more fond of Tyler's best friend. It doesn't go unnoticed that Brendon has gone from starting the evening by asking, "what are your intentions with _my_ Tyler," to telling him, " _our_ Tyler is a precious and fragile little bean," although a part of him thinks Brendon should be calling him, " _your_ Tyler," he doesn't particularly want to share him, but he appreciates it nonetheless. 

Tyler had been absolutely spot on with his descriptions of his friend. Sassy, snarky, loud, obnoxious, certainly. But underneath it all lies a very caring person with a heart of gold. He echoes Brendon's sentiments in his mind. He is good for Tyler. Exactly what he needs. 

"I can't stand to wake him up," he tells Brendon, smiling down at Tyler's sleeping form breathing softly on his chest. "I've got to get going, I'm working my ass off all week. But he just looks so peaceful."

"Nah, he needs to get out of those jeans, anyway. Tyler always wakes up extra grouchy if he sleeps in his jeans," Brendon assures him with a smile, getting up to walk to the bathroom. 

Josh leans down to pepper kisses all over Tyler's face until he stirs, stretching out and groaning in a way that makes Josh want to stay even more. He looks up at Josh with bleary eyes and breaks out into a sleepy smile. 

"Hey, baby boy," Josh kisses him again, earning himself a giggle with the pet name. "I am so sorry, I know I'm terrible, but I've got to get back home. I've got to get into work by eight in the morning, we have a delivery coming."

Tyler whines and clings to Josh, wrapping his arms tight around his waist. It breaks Josh's heart a little, knowing he has to tear himself away. If he had it his way, he and Tyler would spend every waking moment in one another's arms. And every sleeping moment, too. 

"Nooooo, don't leeeeave meeeee," Tyler moans, squeezing Josh into him, smooshing his face against his chest. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" he cries, feeling guilty as all hell. "But hey, I talked to Mark about getting a week off when Jenna gets back, and he said it was okay! You're off for a week over Hallowe'en, right?"

"Yisss," Tyler smiles, relinquishing his vicelike grip around Josh's waist to rub at his sleepy eyes. 

"Well, how about I take that week off and we can spend it together, then?" Josh grins, the very idea of an entire week with Tyler sounding just like heaven. 

Tyler lets out a little squeal, and shouts, "Yes, please!" giving Josh another squeeze. 

"Okay, baby boy," Tyler scrunches up his face in a smile when he hears the nickname again, and his adorable reaction has Josh deciding he needs to use it more often. "I'll tell Mark tomorrow, now you need to get out of your jeans and get back to sleep!"

He presses a kiss to Tyler's forehead and extracts himself from their cuddle, standing up to stretch his arms above his head and noticing that Tyler stares at his midriff as it's exposed a little under his shirt. He chuckles as he pulls his boots back on, not even bothering to tie them. 

"Goodnight, Ty," he whispers, bending down to give his boyfriend a last kiss before he leaves. "I love you."

"I love you too, Jishwa. Ninight," comes Tyler's reply as he begins peeling off his jeans, making Josh's exit that much harder. 

As he walks down the stairs, he pulls out his phone which has been neglected for hours now in favour of watching Tyler sleep, and he sees he has a text from the singer of the band, House of Heroes, that he was supposed to be drumming for. 

Tim: **Hey man, I'm so sorry to mess you around like this, but would you still be on for the shows? The new guy really isn't working out. I understand if it's a no, but we'd really appreciate your talent for the Ohio tour.**

His heart skips a beat as he reads the text, rereading it three times to make sure he hasn't gotten it wrong, that they are really asking for him back. 

Josh: **Of course man! I'd be happy to help.**

Josh is going to be a professional drummer. He's going to get paid to play his instrument in front of a huge crowd of people. Josh is about to realise his dreams.


	21. Dissociating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to dedicate this chapter to _pissoffsherlock_ , _MediocreAtBest_ , _StayAliveFrens_ and _essiemouse_ (there are many others I could list that are also wonderful, amazing people, but you guys have been around the longest and helped me the most).  
>  Thank you guys so much for always reading, always commenting, always saying the sweetest, kindest, most complimentary, most thoughtful and most generous things about my writing.  
> You make me feel like I'm an author, and not just a loser sitting in my bedroom writing trash. You inspire and motivate me to keep going, you make me feel more appreciated and needed than anyone else, even in my personal life. You don't know how much your words have helped me, and you don't know how much I love you all.  
> Thank you so much, frens. ❤️

Over the next few weeks, Tyler barely sees Josh at all, what with him having to juggle his shifts at the music store most days with all the shows he's playing at night. Through text, he's been keeping Tyler updated on how playing with the band has been going, and as proud as he is of Josh, Tyler can't help but feel a little jealous. Jealous that Josh gets to play music in front of hundreds of people, jealous that he's getting paid to do what he loves, jealous that other people get to watch him play every night while he has to stay in his dorm room and write Shakespearian essays. 

Tyler has been using their time apart wisely. He took Dr Hiles' words to heart and has been working much harder on his studies. He only just scraped a C on his Macbeth essay from his third week of class, but he managed to bring it up to a B for his essay on Hamlet and even achieved an A minus on his work for Romeo and Juliet. He has a feeling the central theme of love in the last of the three may have helped his grade, but his professor seems happy with him and his parents are proud, and that's all that really matters. 

With the encouragement of both Brendon and Josh, when he does get to see him, Tyler has been spending a lot of his down time writing songs, too. Brendon will occasionally help him straighten out his melodies, and the few times Josh has come to see him, he's been more than happy to give Tyler a little help with his lyrics, and he always likes to drum along when Tyler plays for him. 

His mother sent him the medication he asked for, the doctor even agreed to increase the dosage, and it really seems to be making a difference. Tyler hasn't had a suicidal Sunday in weeks. Any time he has started to feel a little down, he has gone straight to his notebook to write it all down, he's gotten a few songs out of it that he really loves, and Tyler never loves his own music. 

All in all, everything is going incredibly well, unusually well, even. His only complaint is that he hasn't been seeing nearly enough of his boyfriend. That's why he's so excited for his week ahead as he sits in class on the Friday before Hallowe'en. He has no classes for the next seven days, and his plans for the week ahead have him high as a kite. Josh is taking the holiday time he's owed off from work so they can spend the week together and he only has one show to play over their time off which he's going to bring Tyler to, he's even invited Tyler to come and stay at his apartment while they're off. It'll be like they're living together. An entire week in one another's company, not having to spend a minute apart. It's all Tyler has wanted since he and Josh first shared that potato pizza almost two months ago, and he's never felt more excited for anything in nineteen years. 

He's barely paying attention to a single word Dr Hiles is saying in his last class before half term, counting down the minutes until his vacation starts. He does hear that they have _more_ plays to buy for class starting up after the break. They're almost finished with Shakespeare, (Tyler can't see the back of him soon enough) and next up they're moving on to the works of Arthur Miller. At least, Tyler thinks to himself, there are only three books on the list this time: 'The Crucible', 'Death of a Salesman' and 'All My Sons'. 

When class is finally dismissed at lunchtime, Tyler literally cannot wait the four hours it's going to take for Josh to get out of work. He's buzzing with so much energy and excitement that he can't stand still, and so he decides to go and visit him in the record store, and maybe get Josh to recommend a new album while he's there. He heads back to his dorm room to drop off his bag and straighten himself up in the mirror before he leaves, and he realises with a smile that he's dressed almost entirely in Josh's clothes. His black sweatpants, black tank top with the sleeves cut so low his entire torso can be seen from the side and black hoody lined with grey fuzz. He decides to change into a pair of black skinny jeans instead, to look just a little less like the tired college kid he is, and heads off. 

*****

As Tyler opens the door to the music store, he sees Josh talking to and laughing with a pretty girl with a button nose and lips like Angelina Jolie. He holds back a little, watching them. Tyler doesn't like the way she's twiddling her hair in her fingers as she talks to him, he doesn't appreciate the way she flutters her eyelashes as she listens to whatever he's saying, and he _hates_ the doe-eyed, pouting lipped way she stares at him as he animatedly tells her a story. 

It takes him a moment to realise the growling, clawing sensation he feels in the pit of his stomach as he watches their interaction is jealousy. Shaking himself out of his stupor, he approaches the counter as they talk, and Josh's beaming smile and shout of, "Hey, Ty!" as he walks up makes him feel marginally better. _Marginally_. 

"I'll be back in just one sec, okay? I just gotta check for something out back for Debby, sit tight," Josh tells him, giving Tyler's shoulder a quick squeeze.

Josh heads to the store room at the back of the shop, leaving Tyler with the girl he supposes is Debby. She gives him a smile, but something in her eyes makes it feel anything but friendly

"So you're Josh's boyfriend, huh?" she questions.

Tyler gives her a quick nod, turning to rifle through the records in the stand next to the counter, avoiding her gaze. 

"Cute," she snorts derisively. "Yeah, we were together for about a year before I broke up with him."

Tyler feels like his stomach has dropped to the floor with her boasting words. He'd thought that maybe he was reading into things a little too much when he saw the flirtatious way she was talking to Josh as he walked in, that maybe jealousy was clouding his judgement. Now, his mind races and panic tightens in his chest. What had she been saying to him? He can feel his palms sweating and his breathing becoming strained as she leans in towards Tyler with a wicked look on her face. He recoils a little, wanting as much space between them as possible. Australia wouldn't be far enough, send her to Jupiter. 

"He's _really_ good in bed, right?" she gives a throaty giggle, and Tyler feels like he might throw up. 

She sees the horror on his face and laughs even harder, "Calm down, I'm joking!" she titters, shoving Tyler's shoulder a little too hard. "Kinda," she adds. 

It's a good job Josh returns from the store room when he does, because Tyler would love nothing more than to slap her across the cheek as hard as he can. She turns to Josh, all smiles and giggles, fingers going back to twirling her hair around as he smiles back at her. The bubbling, black tar pit of jealousy in Tyler's stomach boils molten hot as he watches her, her husky voice and rapid blinking while she talks to Josh nauseating him to the point that he might blow chunks all over her stupid face. 

"Sorry, Debs," Josh is saying to her, "we don't have it in stock, but I could order a copy in for you, though? It could take a couple of weeks, but I can give you a call when it arrives."

The very idea of them on the phone with one another gnaws at Tyler's insides, and he might scream. The voice in his head is telling him to grab her by the hair and trail her, kicking and screaming, from the shop. 

"Perfect! And hey, could I get one of those job applications, babe?" her simpering smile to Josh is followed by a glance at Tyler, eyes flashing with malice. 

He can't breathe. 

'Babe'?! Tyler actually has to force himself to walk away from her to the other side of the store, hands curling into fists that want desperately to connect, hard, with her skull. How dare she call _his_ boyfriend babe?! And why isn't Josh stopping her, correcting her, telling her that only Tyler is allowed to refer to him with affectionate pet names? He's taking gasping breaths now as he stands in the corner of the store. 

Does Josh still have feelings for her? How long had it been since they were together? She had said that she was the one who broke up with him, does Josh want her back? Tyler's thoughts feel like a whirlpool, slowly dragging him under the surface. He feels like he's drowning. He feels like he's going to vomit. He looks over at them and sees Josh handing her a form. What if she gets a job here? Spending all day with Josh, getting to be with him all the times Tyler can't. 

She leaves the store with a spiteful wave in Tyler's direction, and a wink. He definitely feels like he's about to throw up. No, wait, he _is_ about to throw up. He runs to the bathroom door at the back of the store and throws it open, making it into a stall just in time to puke into the toilet. Josh follows him in a minute later, shocked and full of concern, to find Tyler still dry heaving over the bowl. Josh kneels down on the floor next to him, rubbing his back. 

"Ty, baby, are you okay?" he soothes, hand resting on the small of Tyler's back. 

"I just don't feel well," Tyler chokes out. 

It's been a long time since his anxiety has made him physically sick. He reaches up to flush away the evidence, humiliated that Josh is seeing him like this. 

"Oh, my poor, poor baby boy. I'm taking you home, Mark can hold down the fort," Josh tells him, pulling Tyler to his feet and pressing a kiss to his forehead. 

"No, Josh, it's alright, I'm okay," Tyler tries, but Josh puts a finger to his lips. 

"Ty, I've just watched you barf," Tyler cringes at the thought. "You're not okay. Lemme look after my sick boyfren. Besides, my holiday starts in a few hours, he won't mind me extending it by half a shift."

He presses another kiss to Tyler's forehead, then goes to talk to his boss. Tyler makes his way over to the sinks to rinse out his mouth and catches sight of himself in the mirror. He can't blame josh for worrying. He's ghostly pale, trembling slightly, eyes brimming with tears. He splashes some water on his face and gargles, then grabs the edge of the sink to steady himself. An anchor on reality while his mind is lost at sea. 

The thought of that girl being around Josh ever again is enough to make his blood boil, never mind working with him every day. The voice in his head is spewing a poisonous monologue and he can't focus on anything but the toxic words in his brain. 

'They're in love, their relationship was seven times as long as yours, she's gorgeous and you're less than average, she's fun and flirty and you're broken and anxious, she left him so he must still love her, you were just a rebound, she wants him back, she'll take him from you, they'll be together all day, he'll forget about you, he'll leave you behind, you're broken, you're clingy, you're needy, you're desperate, they had sex, her hands have been all over him, anywhere yours go hers have been before-' he's jolted from the evil in his mind by Josh's hands on his shoulders. 

"Ty, baby, I know that look. What's going on in there?" he places a hand on the back of Tyler's head and presses his lips to his forehead. 

Tyler notices he's still trembling and wills himself to stop, but it's no use. He collapses into Josh's chest with a sob and feels strong arms pulling him in tight. Josh's breath ghosts across his neck, raising his hairs on end, as he moves his lips to Tyler's ear. 

"Come on, Ty, we need to get you out of here," he whispers. 

Tyler lets himself be led out of the bathroom, through the store where Mark looks a little shocked by the state he's in and calls a goodbye to Josh, and out to the car. He can feel himself dissociating, retreating inside himself to flee from his feelings. 

He hears Josh's hushed voice in his ear telling him, "Ssh, it's okay, Tyler. I'm here. I've got you. You're going to be okay. It's okay," as he opens the car door, gets him inside, even buckles his seatbelt for him. 

He's growing numb to the world, Josh's hand on his thigh the only tether he has to reality as the rest of him floats away, like a helium balloon on a thin thread, one sharp tug away from being lost to the sky. All he can see is the two of them together, her kissing him and touching him, calling him 'babe', the two of them in bed together, naked and tangled in one another. Perhaps their names are in a different heart on another tree. 

He feels like he's going to be sick again. 

It's not that he doesn't trust Josh, he does. He trusts Josh with everything he has, with his life. He does _not_ , however, trust Debby. And what if she's so much better than Tyler in every way that she steals Josh from him? How could Tyler possibly stay alive without him?

They pull up outside Josh's building and the loss of Josh's hand on his thigh makes Tyler panic, until Josh is opening the car door to unbuckle Tyler's belt and lead him inside. They get into the elevator and Josh's arms are tight around his waist, his voice in Tyler's ear again. 

"You're okay, baby. I've got you. You're okay, you're safe, just stay with me."

He takes Tyler by the hand and leads him into the apartment, sitting him down on the couch and facing him on the other side, a hand on each of his shoulders and his eyes searching Tyler's for answers. 

"Please, Tyler, what is it? You're scaring me, baby. Talk to me!" he implores, and then Tyler is breaking down in his chest.

He's choking out frantic words between sobs, "Don't leave me, please. I need you. Don't go, please."

Josh pulls Tyler onto his lap, rocking him from side to side. "Hey, hey, Tyler, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, I promise. I love you! Where is this coming from?"

And before Tyler can even think twice, he's telling Josh everything. 

"I'm sorry, it's that girl, Debby," he lets out another sob at the mention of her name. "When you went away she was talking about how you were together, and she-she talked about having sex with you, a-and she was _flirting_ with you and she winked at me when she got the form for a job and if she gets a job there sh-she'll be with you all the time and she wants you back, and... _please don't leave me_ ," he stammers, ending with a sob as he crumples back into Josh's chest. 

"Hey, hey, hey, Tyler," Josh pulls Tyler from his chest, hands back on his shoulders so their eyes can meet. He looks blurry around the edges through Tyler's tears. 

"You've got it all wrong, Ty, we're just friends!" Josh assures him. "Her humour can be a little, uh, crude sometimes, but there's nothing there!"

"Maybe not for you, but I'm telling you she's into you!" Tyler cries, but Josh shakes his head. 

"She wouldn't have broken up with me if she was still into me. Please, Ty, trust me. _I am not leaving you_. How could I possibly want anyone else when I've got you? Even after two months, I love you more than anything. You have absolutely nothing to worry about, okay? I promise," Josh pulls Tyler back in for a hug.

"I do trust you, Jishwa," he sniffles, drying his eyes with the sleeve of his hoody. 

He feels so, incredibly needy, hating how childish he's being once again. He doesn't want Josh to think he doesn't trust him, but he _knows_ that girl still wants him. How could she not? He's still nauseated with anxiety and the voice in his head is still telling him how much more fun Josh had with Debby than he does with him, but he doesn't want to ruin another second of their holiday, so he sucks it up. 

"I'm sorry, Josh. I love you," he sniffs, and Josh presses their lips together. 

"You have nothing to apologise for, baby boy! Stay here, okay? I'll be right back," with a kiss to his forehead and a smile, Josh slides Tyler off his knee and walks off to the bathroom.

Tyler takes a deep, calming breath. In through the nose, out through the mouth, focus on your breathing, that's what his doctor always told him. Josh returns with an armful of blankets and sheets, some thumb tacks, some clothes pegs and a grin. 

"Let's build a blanket fort!"

**-**

"Just a little further," Josh encourages Tyler, reaching up on his tip toes on the chair he's standing on, trying to stick a push pin in the roof. "Streeeetch!"

And then he's losing his balance and falling from his chair, dragging the sheet down on top of him and landing with a 'thud!'. He groans and rolls around on the floor, hearing Tyler giggle at him. 

"You okay, Jish?" he asks, pulling the blanket off of Josh's face to plant a kiss on his lips. 

"M'fine," Josh chuckles, detangling himself from the sheet and standing up. "Take two!"

They spend another half hour, pinning and pegging and giggling, until they finally finish and take a step back to admire their handiwork. They've created a tent around the TV, blankets pinned to the ceiling and then draping down on four sides to form a cosy little enclosed room inside, the floor covered in every duvet, pillow and cushion Josh owns. He lifts a blanket and pulls it back to allow Tyler inside and then drops it again. 

"Daaaang, we make a sick fort building duo!" Tyler marvels from beside him, looking around and then plonking himself down on one of the couch cushions on the floor. 

"Yeah, we really do!" Josh grins, so happy to see a smile back on Tyler's face. "Hey, I've got a present for you, wait here," he smirks, an adorable look of excitement on Tyler's face. 

He takes off at a jog and ducks into his bedroom to grab the sweater he bought for Tyler with a little of the money he made from tour, then races back in to him. 

"You've gotta promise to wear it all the time though, okay?" he grins, and holds up the bundle of black fabric. 

Tyler nods with a smile, and Josh lets the sweatshirt unfurl to reveal large, white letters on the front that read 'JOSH'S BOY FREN'. Tyler squeals when he sees it, snatching it out of Josh's hands, tearing off the hoody he has on and throwing it into the corner of the fort to shove the sweater on over his head. 

"I promise I will never, ever take it off," Tyler grins, looking down at the words on his front. "I love it so much. Thank you, Jishwa," he gushes, then he pulls Josh in for a long, deep kiss. 

"Hey," Tyler smirks when they break apart, "can we get one for you, too? One that says 'Tyler's boy fren' on it, and then under that, 'don't touch him', and then under that, 'don't even look at him'?"

He gives Josh an adorable, cheesy grin, eyes squinched shut and nose scrunched as he shows off his teeth, and Josh lets out a shout of laughter. 

"Of course we can, baby. I'll even wear it to work."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. I'm sure Debby is, like, totally lovely in real life, but oh well.


	22. Spooking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late, but I worked through my hangover today to bring you this chapter, so you're totally welcome for that. 
> 
> Don't drink, kids.

Josh feels like he's six years old again, and he loves it. He and Tyler are sitting, cross-legged, on the floor of their fort, watching cartoons with a can of Yoo-hoo each. Tyler's giggles fill the room as he watches Adventure Time on Josh's laptop screen. Every trace of worry or sadness has left him in the hours they've spent on the floor playing fort. 

It was something Josh always used to do as a little kid when he was upset. When something went wrong, he'd take himself off to his bedroom and drape blankets over his bed between two chairs, one at the head and one at the foot, and sit in there for hours. It always felt as if the outside world couldn't get to him when he was hiding under the sheets, as if the thin layers of fabric were a shield that would protect him from his problems. His fort building skills have improved dramatically over the years, but the effect has remained the same, and it seems to be working for Tyler too. 

He looks over to see Tyler with a big, goofy smile on his face, his hands pulled into the sleeves of the sweater Josh bought for him, a kitten sitting in his lap and a little Yoo-hoo on his upper lip. Josh is overwhelmed with love for him as he watches him giggle at the cartoon, everything about the moment so perfect, everything about Tyler exactly what Josh didn't know he needed. 

He leans over to kiss Tyler's neck and gets a little groan of surprise from him, spurring Josh on. He trails a few more kisses across his neck, then bites down harshly to suck a hickey onto his skin, moans falling from Tyler's lips as he does. He pulls back with a 'pop' eventually, leaving a huge, purple mark in his wake, and he grins. 

"What, the sweater isn't enough of a claim?" Tyler giggles, lifting the kitten from his lap to set him on the floor, then turning to face Josh with a little smirk on his lips. 

"Well, this way, if you get too warm you're allowed to take your sweater off, and everyone will still know!" Josh beams at him, scrunching his face up in a toothy grin. 

"I'm not complaining," Tyler smiles back, then dives in to attach his mouth to Josh's neck and reciprocate the gesture. 

He bites down hard, making Josh groan, and one hand goes to the back of his neck while the other trails down Josh's chest to his stomach. Tyler's fingers slip under the hem of Josh's t-shirt, and just then his stomach lets out an incredibly loud gurgle that goes on for at least five whole seconds. Tyler's mouth breaks away from Josh's neck as he bursts out laughing. 

"You hungry?" he asks with a smirk. 

"Hungry would be putting it mildly... mild sauce... cheesy gordita crunch! I'm frickin' starving! You wanna go to Taco Bell?" Josh's mouth waters at the thought and his stomach makes another loud complaint. 

"I don't think your tummy's giving me a choice," Tyler snickers, "but yes, that sounds awesome!"

"Sweet!" Josh calls out, a plan already forming in his head as he jumps to his feet and holds out his hands to help Tyler up. 

**-**

They pull up to the speaker box of the Taco Bell drive thru, Tyler with no idea where they're going to eat after they order because Josh refuses to tell him, but the little smile that's been playing on Josh's lips since they left tells him he's in for a treat. Even as he orders his food, Josh still has his hand resting on Tyler's thigh, as though it's a necessary part of driving his car at this point. 

"Welcome to Taco Bell, can I take your order?" comes a woman's voice from the speaker. 

"Yeah, hi," Josh starts, still smirking, "listen, guys, I wanna get two cheesy gordita crunches, but I want the Doritos shell inside it, and lemme get some guac on those, yo."

Tyler giggles at his order as the voice from the speaker rings out again, "Umm, I don't know if that can happen, sir," the woman hesitates. 

"Sure it can! Don't worry, I won't tell, I promise."

There's laughter from the box, then, "Okay, will that be everything for you, sir?"

"Just a sec, lemme find out what m'boy wants," he turns to Tyler, who's loving the giddy mood Josh is in. "Whatcha want, Ty?" Josh asks him as Tyler grins. 

"Umm, lemme get a black bean burrito, that'd be neato, and a Baja Blast, but you better make it fast. And some nachos, hook me up! Plus a holder for my cup," Tyler raps out to the speaker, and the woman is laughing again. 

Josh's grin is huge as he chuckles, "Sick!" to Tyler. 

"Okay, if you want to make your way to the first window, that'll be ten dollars and forty six cents, please!"

"Can do!" Josh calls, speeding forward to the window ahead of them.

"Jish, pretty please let me pay," Tyler begs him, "when you bought me pizza we agreed that I'd pay next time. It's been two months and you haven't let me get you food. _And_ you paid for the carnival!" he pouts as Josh turns to look at him, sticking his bottom lip out and making Josh grin again.

"Okay, babe, you pay. Thank you," he beams and leans over to peck a kiss on his forehead as a woman slides open the latch they're idling outside. 

Tyler passes over a couple of bills and tells her, "Keep the change."

"Woah, fifty four whole cents, you're a generous tipper, Ty!" Josh chuckles, driving on to the next window. 

"I loved the rap," the woman standing waiting at the window for them laughs, passing Josh a couple of bags of food and a tray with Tyler's drink in it, Josh passing everything over to Tyler. 

"Yo, m'boy spits straight fire," Josh beams, leaning over to ruffle a hand through Tyler's hair. 

"Thanks," Tyler giggles, and then they're off. 

They drive to the other side of the plaza and end up in front of a grocery store, where Josh pulls up and shuts off the car engine. Tyler gives him a puzzled look, but Josh just smiles, grabs the bags and gets out. Drink in hand, Tyler follows. With a glance around to check no one's watching, Josh waves for Tyler to follow him around to the back of the store to find a ladder leading up on top of the building. Bags of food in hand, Josh starts to climb and Tyler joins him. 

Once they get up on the roof, Tyler sees a sprawling view of Athens spreading out in all directions below them, street lamps and car headlights dotted across the landscape in the settling dusk of the evening. 

"Woah," Tyler breathes, taking it all in. "This is incredible, how did you find this place?"

"I just needed to get away one day," Josh explains, taking a seat on the wall around the edge of the top of the building and dangling his feet over the edge. 

"It was actually when I came out to my mom. I decided to do it over the phone because I didn't have the guts to face her with it. In retrospect, not my finest idea," he unwraps one of his tacos and takes a bite before continuing, "she didn't take it so well at first. She cried on the phone, and I couldn't be there to hug her and tell her, like, 'mom your son is bisexual, not dead, calm down.' But, so, yeah, I felt pretty crappy and I ended up coming to get a box of tacos and I see this pretty tall building and, like, I dunno. It's almost like when you're looking down at the world like this, you can pretend you're not even a part of it? Like, you're just watching everyone going about their business and you can just leave all your crap down there and get away from it. So I walk around back to see if I could climb up, and there's a ladder just waiting for me," he finishes, taking another bite of his food. 

Tyler sits down on the wall next to Josh, leaning his body against him and resting his head on Josh's shoulder. He's a little taken aback by how closely Josh's sentiments match his own. That had been the exact reason he'd climbed that tree after finding Brendon and Hayley kissing on his bed. He presses a kiss into Josh's neck and starts unwrapping his own food. 

"I'm sorry your mom didn't react well when you told her," he says to Josh, taking a bite of his burrito. "At least you were brave enough to tell her."

"She wants to meet you, by the way," Josh smiles. "She told me to invite you round for dinner while you're off this week."

Tyler freezes. 

"Oh," he pauses for a second. "As friends? Or..."

"No, she knows we're together," Josh smiles sweetly at him, then takes the last bite of his first gordita and starts taking the second out of its paper. 

Tyler's stomach contorts with guilt at his words, while his heart flutters with joy. Josh had told his mother about their relationship. You only do that with _important_ relationships, right? He feels absolutely terrible for not having done the same, for not letting his own parents know about Josh. He's such an important part of Tyler's life, it isn't fair to Josh that his family don't know about him. 

"Hey, you don't have to come if you don't want to," Josh tells him after a silence. "If it's too much, I get it! I'll tell her you can't make it."

"No, no, of course I want to come!" Tyler assures him, and Josh grins at him and leans over to kiss his forehead. 

As much as nerves and anxiety are making him feel sick at the mere thought, he really does want to go. 

"It's just, I-I just... you know I'm not out to my parents yet, right?" Tyler stutters out. 

"Hey, hey, Ty, that doesn't matter! That's not what this is about. Everyone needs to do these things in their own time. Just, I'd mentioned you to her so many times that she insisted I bring you home," he chuckles. 

Tyler's heart is pounding with his words. He talks to his mother about him all the time? You _definitely_ only do that with important relationships. This revelation only serves to make him feel more nauseated. As much as Josh is trying to play it off as casual, this is a big deal. Meeting your boyfriend's parents is a milestone, and Tyler is out of his depth. He's never even had a boyfriend before, never mind being introduced to his family. You only get one chance to make a first impression. Suddenly, Tyler finds that he isn't hungry anymore, but he forces down the rest of his burrito so as not to raise any suspicion. 

"Hey, I know Hallowe'en isn't until Sunday, but all the parties are tomorrow night, do you wanna come to one with me? My friend Tim, from the band, he's throwing one. You could meet the guys before you come to the show next week?" Josh offers. 

"That sounds awesome," Tyler smiles, "although I don't have a costume."

"The mall on the other side of the square stays open late on Fridays, we can go find something!" Josh smiles, finishing up his second taco and dropping his bag of trash over the side of the building where it lands in an open dumpster. 

"Sure, let's go!" Tyler smiles. 

*****

They spend an age looking at costumes from a pop-up kiosk in the mall, Josh trying to convince Tyler to go with him as Bert and Ernie, while Tyler is fighting the corner of a crayon and a pencil. Just as Tyler is launching into a spiel about all the ways stationary makes a better costume than puppets from a kid's show, he spies a Hot Topic over Josh's shoulder with a skeleton hoody in the window. 

"Oh! These!" he bubbles, grabbing Josh by the arm and pulling him over to the display. 

The hoody is black, with a white ribcage and spine printed on the front, bones on the arms and a zip that goes all the way up the hood, which has a skill printed on it and holes in the eye sockets. 

"Let's be skeletons!" Tyler enthuses.

"Spooky! I like it," Josh grins. 

Inside the store, Tyler finds leggings to go with them, black with leg bones printed down the front, and manages to convince Josh to get a pair with him, with some coaxing. Satisfied that they'll look awesome, they take their bags and leave the store. 

"Can you imagine having t-shirts in there one day?" Josh muses as they walk out. "That's how you know you've made it. A bunch of emo kids going to Hot Topic to buy shirts with your band name on 'em."

"Nah, Hot Topic is way too mainstream for me, man. I'd only sell shirts through street vendors," he jokes. 

"I don't see a lot of merch guys on street corners, you know. Could be a gap in the market!" Josh teases, and Tyler shakes his head. 

"Nah, man, I don't mean, like, a specific shirt guy. I mean, like, a hot-dog guy. Like, 'Would you like mustard and ketchup on that? Or a Tyler Joseph t-shirt?' That'd be my guy."

Josh bursts out laughing at this as they head out of the mall and back towards the car, and he sighs, "Dream big, baby boy."

*****

Tyler wakes up on Saturday morning on the floor of the blanket fort with Josh spooning him from behind. He grins as he reminds himself that he has a whole week of this to look forward to, waking up next to Josh every morning and falling asleep next to him every night. He reaches for his phone on the floor next to him and sees that he has a message from Brendon. 

Brendon: **You and Josh are having dinner with Ryan and me this week**

He lets out a snort of laughter at his friend's presumptuous text and taps out a reply with his thumbs. 

Tyler: **Oh, are we now? I'll ask Josh when he wakes up.**

As always, even at 9am, Brendon's reply is almost instant. 

Brendon: **THERE IS NO ASKING WE ARE HAVING A DOUBLE DATE MISTER ITS NOT LIKE YOU TWO WILL BE HAVING SEX ALL WEEK LONG**

Tyler laughs so loud that he wakes Josh behind him. He lets out a groan and pulls Tyler closer to him with a squeeze. Rolling around in Josh's arms, Tyler presses his lips to the tip of his nose. 

"G'morning, Spooky!" he chirps, and Josh gives him a sleepy smile. 

"Morning, baby. You want some breakfast?" he asks, kissing Tyler's forehead and taking his arms from around his waist to stretch, then sitting up. 

"You know, I actually really want, like, a ridiculous amount of Hallowe'en candy. Like, so much I can't even move," Tyler grins, and Josh chuckles. 

"We can do that! There's a convenience store just down the street, I'll go get you some candy, you get on making some coffee!" with another kiss, Josh crawls out of the fort under a blanket to get dressed, and Tyler gives a stretch with a yawn. 

He has a feeling he's really going to love this week, that he won't want it to ever come to an end. He's still a little apprehensive about the idea of going to Josh's family home for dinner, but it's making his relationship with Josh seem a lot more serious, and he loves that. He picks up his 'boyfren' sweater from the floor, tugs it on and heads into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee.

As he searches blindly around the cupboards for what he needs, he feels a pair of arms snake around his waist and he turns to face Josh with a smile. His red hair has faded drastically over the past month, it's more of a pale salmon colour, and it's still pretty fuzzy and sticking out in all directions from being slept on. Tyler giggles and runs his hands through it with a smile, trying to tame it a little, and Josh gives him a kiss. 

"Hey, you wanna try helping me dye my hair this week?" he asks against Tyler's lips. 

"Sure, I mean, I can try! What colour are you gonna go?" he asks, fingers still carding through Josh's hair. 

"Like, bright pink. I mean hot ass pink," he says with a grin, and Tyler pictures it. 

"Sick! Sounds awesome," Tyler smirks. Honestly, Josh would probably make _any_ colour of hair look great. 

"Sick," Josh concurs with a smile. "Coffee's in the cupboard above the toaster, I'll go get your candy, see you soon," Josh pecks another kiss to Tyler's lips and heads out. 

*****

Tyler gets his wish. He eats so much chocolate and candy over the course of the day that he ends up laying on his back on the floor, unable to move. The regret didn't hit him until he was about three pounds of sugar deep, and he has to spend about an hour laying down with a stomach ache before he starts to feel better. Josh laughs at him as he sits on the floor beside him, drinking his fifth cup of coffee that day, smoking a cigarette and watching a TV show about a woman who has an addiction to eating bricks. 

"Hey, you might have have a tummy ache, but at least it's not as bad as this chick who eats her own walls!" he chuckles, poking Tyler in the stomach and making him grown. 

"Yeah, she's literally eating herself out of house and home," he smirks, and Josh nearly spits out the sip of coffee he's just taken with laughter. "So you're a total caffeine addict then huh?"

"Nah, I'm not addicted to coffee, I've just been drinking it every day for the past five years to see if it's something I could get into," Josh smiles back at him, and now it's Tyler's turn to laugh. 

They sit there watching the show, occasionally joking about the crazy lady on TV or making a stupid observation, until eventually the show's going over and Josh checks the time on his phone. 

"Oh, shoot! I didn't realise how late it is, we need to go get ready!" he tells Tyler, jumping up from the floor. 

Tyler checks his own phone to see its already gone 8 o'clock, the time they were supposed to be leaving. That's one of the only drawbacks to being in a blanket fort all day, you lose any sense of time passing. They don't see any daylight when they're amongst the blankets and sheets, they haven't been by a window for hours at this point, so the evening has worn on without their knowledge. 

Reluctantly, Tyler holds out his hands and Josh pulls him up. He's still much too full of sweets to be moving around just yet. Josh makes his way over to hold back one of the blankets and they both make their way out of their little makeshift tent and into Josh's room to change. Tyler keeps on the baggy, black tank top he's wearing and pulls on his leggings and hoody, then throws himself down on the bed, lying on his back again, to wait for Josh. Despite Tyler's protests and insistence that his ass looks totally great in the leggings, Josh insists on wearing a pair of long black shorts with a white ring around the bottom of each leg over his leggings, and then takes off for the bathroom. 

Tyler's starting to feel a little anxious for the party. He's going to be spending his night meeting a whole crowd of new people, new people who will most likely be drunk and rowdy. He wants to make a good impression on Josh's friends and the band he's going to be seeing live in a few days, but he's really not very good with strangers. The comfort of knowing Josh will be beside him all night keeps him from panicking, but he isn't exactly looking forward to the night ahead. 

A few minutes later, Josh walks back in with his hair looking elegantly disheveled and smudged, red eyeshadow smeared around his eyes. 

"Whatcha think?" he asks Tyler with a grin. "Spooky enough?"

"The spookiest! You look great," he smiles back, getting up from the bed to walk over and plant a kiss on Josh's lips. 

Bright red circles over his eyes shouldn't work, it really shouldn't, but just as with absolutely anything else he's ever tried, Josh looks incredible. Even his washed out hair looks amazing, the pastel pinky orange colour somehow working perfectly with the crimson on his eyes. 

"You ready to go, babe?" Josh asks him with another peck on the lips, and Tyler nods. 

Grabbing his keys, phone and cigarettes and stuffing them in the pockets of his hoody, Josh holds out a hand for Tyler to take and they head out the door. On the way to the party, Josh's hand takes up its place on Tyler's thigh as he talks Tyler through the band members that'll be in attendance tonight. There's Tim, who's hosting the party, Jared, A.J., and Eric (Josh briefly tries explaining who does what and who plays live but isn't a full time member, it all gets a bit too confusing for Tyler), and a few of their girlfriends will be there too. He keeps emphasising the friendliness of the guys he's been playing shows with, probably in a bid to put Tyler at ease, but Tyler doesn't think they can really be _that_ nice, if they told Josh they'd found another drummer before asking him to play with them again. 

As they pull up outside a bungalow in the suburbs after around fifteen minutes of driving, Josh turns the car off and gives Tyler's thigh a quick, reassuring squeeze, before getting out of the car. Tyler unbuckles his seatbelt and gets out to follow Josh across a lawn covered in carved out pumpkins, tombstones and eerie green lights. It looks like Tim has gone all out. There's a loud, thumping beat coming from the house that they can hear from the front steps as Josh knocks on the door. 

"Hey, Josh, how are ya, man?" calls the guy who opens the door a few seconds later. Tyler is surprised that anyone could hear the door being knocked over the pounding music. 

"Hey, Tim! Not too bad, man, thanks. This is Tyler," he beams in Tyler's direction as Tim holds out a hand towards him. 

Tyler grasps his hand and gives him the firmest handshake he can manage, and tries to stop his voice from sounding tiny as he mutters a, "Hi."

"It's nice to finally meet you, Tyler! We've been hearing so much about you," Tim grins at him with a wink, and Tyler feels himself blush a little as Josh chuckles beside him. 

"Only the good things, I hope," Tyler smirks as they step into the house.

"But of course!" Tim laughs, leading them into the living room of his house. 

The party isn't anywhere near as packed as Tyler had feared it would be, there are only about fifteen people in the living room, and more voices are coming from the kitchen next to it. As long as people don't keep arriving, this seems like a number Tyler could be pretty comfortable with. 

Just as he's thinking this, he hears a husky voice from behind them calling out, "Joooooossssshhhh," across the room. Both of them turn around to see a girl with bright red lips in a skin tight catsuit of black, patent latex with stitches across it and a mask to match, dressed as Michelle Pfeiffer's Catwoman. 

It takes Tyler a second but then, in abject horror, he realises it's Debby.


	23. Submitting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully these last two chapters coming out in quick succession will make up for me not posting for a day.
> 
> I personally think this is my finest hour, so I hope you enjoy!
> 
> 5k+ words of cardinal sin.

"Debby?! Woah, sick costume! What are you doing here?" Josh calls back to Debby, letting go of Tyler's hand to cross the room and approach her. 

"Tim's girlfriend is one of my classmates! She invited me tonight, and when I heard that _Josh Dun_ was going to be here, how could I say no?!" Debby gives a throaty laugh, eyes fluttering and lips pouting, and throws her arms around Josh's waist in a hug. 

This can't be happening, Tyler thinks to himself. He's having a nightmare, this cannot be real life, Debby cannot be wrapping her arms around Josh wearing nothing but rubber right in front of him, the universe cannot possibly be that cruel. Oh, but it can, and it is. The loss of Josh's hand in his breaks Tyler apart a little, especially given that Josh had let him go so that he could be hugged by Debby instead. He just stands in place, refusing to take a single step towards her, until Josh realises that Tyler hasn't followed him across the room and leaves Debby in the middle of a sentence to return to him. 

"Ty, are you okay?" Josh asks, putting a hand on each of Tyler's shoulders. 

It's taking every ounce of strength Tyler has not to cry. He can't make Josh leave when they've only just walked in the door, he can't ask him to drop everything and go back home. He wants to make a good impression on the band, he wants to have fun and enjoy himself. He also wants to push Debby off a cliff, but there aren't any in the vicinity. 

"Yeah, I'm okay," he forces out, seeing the worry in Josh's eyes. He has a suspicion that Josh knows exactly what's wrong. 

"Nothing's there, Ty, I promise," he hushes in Tyler's ear, taking his hand again and leading Tyler into the kitchen instead, leaving Debby behind. 

In the kitchen, Josh does the rounds, introducing Tyler to every member of the band, their girlfriends where applicable, a sound guy and, Tyler's personal favourite, Tim's cat Ziggy. Tyler spends a good five minutes crouched on the floor, giving Ziggy tickles behind the ear and under his collar while Josh shares stories and laughter with the guys from the band. Coming in from the living room behind them, Tim offers Tyler and Josh a glass of some bright orange cocktail he's been handing out to people, and Josh declines, telling Tim he's driving. Tyler decides that if ever there were a time to start drinking hard liquor, it's now. He accepts the offer and thanks Tim, taking a tentative sip. It's so incredibly sweet he can barely taste the alcohol. He smiles and turns to Josh. 

"I could definitely drink way too many of these, don't let me," he smirks and Josh chuckles. 

"Don't worry, I won't let you get singing-along-to-Celine-Dion drunk again," he promises with a grin. 

Just then, Tim calls for them to follow him to the living room to play a game. As they walk in, Tim and his girlfriend, who's wearing intricate make up to look like a Mexican sugar skull, and, _of course_ , Debby, are sitting on the floor around a deck of playing cards spread in a circle with an empty glass in the middle. Tyler, Josh and the other band mates take their places to create a ring of people around the circle of cards. 

Tim spends at least five minutes explaining the rules of an overly complicated drinking game called "Kings", in which every letter or number on the cards corresponds to a different action; for instance if someone draws a three that means 'me' and that person has to take a drink, as opposed to number two, 'you', where the person gets to choose somebody else to take a drink. 

As Tim finally gets to the end of the long list of rules, he passes Josh a pre-rolled joint and tells him, "You gotta take a draw for every time you should be drinking, otherwise it'd just be no fun."

Laughing, Josh takes the joint and places it behind his ear. The game begins and at first, Tyler is completely lost, however the longer they play, the more he familiarises himself with the rules. It's only when Debby draws the first King card of the game that it becomes apparent what the empty glass in the middle is for. Each time a King is pulled from the deck, the person that draws it must pour some of their drink into the empty glass. The person who draws the fourth and final King card must pour in the fourth drink and then down all the liquid in the glass. Tyler is praying to a God he doesn't believe in that he won't be the one to draw the final King. 

They get about half an hour into the game and, so far, it has been pretty inoffensive as far as Tyler has been concerned. He had drawn a Queen, which made him the 'Question Master'. Any time he asks someone a question and they answer it, they have to drink, and enough alcohol has been drunk for everyone to keep forgetting this fact. It's been amusing him for about fifteen minutes, asking people questions, waiting for their answers, thanking them and then holding up his queen to make them drink while everyone else goads them for forgetting. They've even started to call him 'The Queen', which he loves. Tyler has made it through the majority of his bright orange drink and is feeling a little tipsy, by rights he should be having a great time. 

However, the girl watching his boyfriend from the other side of the circle through her Catwoman mask is on Tyler's mind the entire time. He's hyper aware of her every action and he has noticed that she's spending the majority of her time staring at Josh. Any time she gets a card that means she has to pick another person, he is her immediate choice. When she pulls an eight, 'mate', and has to choose someone to drink with her every single time she takes a drink, she decides Josh will have to smoke with her instead. 

Josh still seems to think her behaviour is completely harmless, although he is sitting with a reassuring hand on Tyler's thigh. Tyler's trying his best to stay out of his own head and just enjoy himself, he doesn't want to let Debby ruin his night, but he finds himself looking forward to the moment they leave the party. 

It takes around an hour and a half for the card game to finally wind down to a close, and Tyler is halfway through his second 'Pumpkin Punch', as Tim has named the garishly coloured cocktail. With only five cards left, he excuses himself to go to the bathroom, thinking he can't be made to drink the disgusting concoction from the glass in the centre of the cards if he isn't there to draw the King. 

Josh kisses him on the forehead when he leans over to let him know where he's going, and Tyler is sure he catches a glare from Debby as he stands to leave the room. He can't understand how Josh doesn't see it. She is practically drooling all over him, has barely looked away from him all night long. As he finds the bathroom, he thinks again of the application form she took from the record store on Friday, of her getting the job and being around Josh all the time. The possibility that she could be spending more time with him than Tyler does gives him a tummy ache every time he thinks about it. The pain in his abdomen gives him an idea. 

It would hardly be a lie to tell Josh he had a stomach ache, and after the amount of Hallowe'en candy he'd eaten earlier that day, nobody could really be surprised. He's sure that Josh would take him home if he asked, if Tyler explained to Josh's friends that too much chocolate and sugar was making his tummy hurt and that he needed to go home and lie down. This is what he decides he'll do as he washes his hands, dries them off and leaves the bathroom. He'll tell Josh the whole truth, that he needed to get away from Debby, when they get home, but at least he won't be telling a lie. 

Returning to the living room, Tyler spies Josh across the room as he stands in conversation with Tim, and makes a beeline for him. It looks like his plan worked, the cards and the glass of nauseous liquid are gone and everyone has gone back to milling around the room. Before Tyler even gets a few steps towards his boyfriend, he sees Debby sauntering over to him, waggling her hips exaggeratedly in her skin tight, latex catsuit. She makes a big show of tearing off her Catwoman mask on her way over to him, shaking her hair down around her like she's in a Herbal Essences commercial. 

With a smile, she holds a finger up to beckon for Josh to follow her, and Tyler could scream. Josh looks hesitant at first, leaning in to mutter something in Debby's ear, but ultimately he follows her out of a door on the other side of the living room. Tyler lets out a little whimper as he watches them go, then an audible cry of, "No!" as he sees Debby open a door down the hall and take Josh into a separate room, away from the party. 

Without thinking twice, Tyler follows. The door has been pushed closed behind them, but it's sitting slightly ajar as he approaches. Feeling somewhat guilty and more than a little creepy, Tyler presses his face up to the crack in the door to see that she has taken Josh into a _bedroom_ and he feels like he could vomit again. Tears threaten to spill from his eyes, but he holds it together enough to watch the scene unfolding in the room. 

"...Hallowe'en last year, remember how drunk we got? I ended up going down on you in Mark's bathroom!" he hears Debby laughing and an intense wave of sickness hits Tyler at her words. 

This is exactly what he had feared, what he had _known_ would happen. She's trying to take Josh from him. He's close to running from the house, sprinting as far away from the situation as possible, running and running and never stopping, but his need to find out what's about to happen keeps him rooted to the spot. 

Josh sighs, and Tyler hears him huff out, "Why did you bring me in here, Debby? What do you want?"

She closes the gap between them and Tyler's heart is racing, pounding violently in his chest. He catches her almost whisper the word, "You," as she walks her fingers up his chest. Josh grabs her hand, stopping it in its tracks, but he isn't shoving her to the floor or slapping her in the face like Tyler wishes he would. 

"I guess you shouldn't have left me then, huh?" comes Josh's reply, and it sounds a little more hurt than Tyler would like. 

If he's still upset about her breaking up with him, does that mean he still has feelings for her? Does he wish they'd never split up? Does he want her back?

"I'm sorry, Josh," he hears Debby's voice in a husky whisper. She's still _much_ too close to Josh. "We were so good together, though."

And then she's leaning in. She's about to kiss him. This is it. Tyler's going to lose him. A tear finally leaves his eye to roll down his cheek, and Tyler is about to turn and leave, but then Josh is putting his hands on Debby's shoulders and pushing her away, looking irate. 

"Yeah, I thought so too, before you dumped me!" Josh still sounds hurt as he says it. 

Josh thought they were good together. He felt dumped by her, like she'd thrown him away. He must still have feelings for her. He must want her back. He's probably going to kiss her. But then Josh is raising his voice to her. 

"I'm with Tyler, Debby. You know that! What are you doing?!" he practically yells.

Tyler thinks back to the only other time he's really seen Josh angry, when Hayley had told him her boyfriend broke up with her through text message the night they'd dyed his hair red. Tyler had found his rage incredibly attractive that night, and he still does. Even more so to see the anger directed at this girl Tyler is so quickly coming to hate with a passion. It's so out of character for Josh, who's usually so sugary sweet and soft. Something about the way his face twists in outrage makes Tyler want him even more than usual. 

"C'mon, Josh," Debby purrs, a hand back on Josh's chest, "it's not like he's gonna know!"

Tyler is close to throwing the door open and kicking her in the teeth, but then Josh snarls, "What the _fuck_ , Debby?! Get off of me!" and pushes her away again, harder this time so that she has to take a step back. 

His brow furrowed and his chest heaving, he storms toward the door and Tyler quickly takes a step back. As he yanks it open, Josh turns back to Debby and spits out, "Stay the fuck away from me and my boyfriend," before charging out the door. 

The minute he's out of the bedroom, Tyler grabs him by the collar of his skeleton hoody and pulls him into a heated kiss. Josh kisses him back _hard_ , grabbing Tyler around the waist and pulling him in as close as possible, their tongues fighting against one another, Josh biting and pulling at Tyler's bottom lip. 

Tyler keeps his eyes open to watch for Debby leaving the room. When he sees her stomping out looking affronted, he flips her off over Josh's shoulder. He catches her enraged scowl as she stalks off and he's on cloud nine. 

Josh shoves him back against the wall in the empty hallway then, breaking away from his lips to bite at Tyler's neck. His teeth make their way up to Tyler's earlobe, nibbling a little, and he growls, " I want you," in his ear with a roll of his hips against Tyler's. 

Tyler lets out a little whine at the words and then Josh adds, "Now," before grabbing Tyler's hand and dragging him towards the front door. 

*****

For the first time in as long as Tyler can remember, Josh doesn't have a hand on his thigh as he drives. Both hands are gripping the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles are turning white, and his face is still twisted up with anger, his brow furrowed and a dark look in his eyes. Tyler finds it both unnerving and incredibly sexy. 

They hadn't said a single goodbye at the party. Josh had simply pulled Tyler by the hand out of the house and to his car, where he'd pressed Tyler back against it to give him another vehement kiss, then opened the door wordlessly for Tyler to get in. As they drive, Tyler thinks back to being in the car with Josh right after he'd asked him to be his boyfriend on the Ferris wheel. Tyler had seriously considering reaching across the centre console to unbutton Josh's pants as he drove. The desire then had been nothing compared with right now. He is so very, very close to unbuckling his seatbelt to bend over and yank down Josh's shorts. He settles instead for placing his own hand on Josh's thigh, squeezing a little. 

He swears he hears Josh's breath hitch as his hand comes to rest on his leg, but neither of them say anything. Less than sixty seconds later, Josh is indicating and pulling into the deserted car park of an office building in complete darkness. He faces the car into a sheltered corner in the far end of the asphalt area, shuts off the engine and practically launches himself at Tyler. 

He mashes their lips together, Tyler letting out an embarrassing little squeak of surprise as Josh shoves his tongue into his mouth. He doesn't think Josh has ever kissed him more forcefully, ever bitten his bottom lip harder, ever let out more groans. After about a minute of his fervid kisses, Josh puts a hand under each of Tyler's arms and lifts him across the seats to sit in his lap, pulling a lever to put his seat as far back as it will go, and now he's sucking another hickey onto Tyler's neck. As soon as he's on top of Josh, Tyler has a leg either side of him and he's grinding his ass down. 

Tyler has a sudden rush of love for Hot Topic and their leggings. There is no restrictive denim between them, just thin layers of material. Tyler didn't mention to Josh that he hadn't worn underwear that night, he thought that could have been a nice surprise for when they got home, and now he couldn't be more thankful for that decision. He can feel Josh, rock hard, pressing into his ass. With every grind of his hips down into him, Tyler can feel Josh's length twitching underneath him. Tyler lets out a loud moan as Josh gives him a particularly sharp bite on the neck, and he moves his lips from the skin there up to capture the sound with his mouth. 

He bites and pulls at Tyler's lower lip, then growls out the same words from the hallway in Tim's house, "I want you _now_."

With a needy little whine, Tyler slides himself back off Josh's lap to the floor at his feet, awkwardly trying to fit himself around the pedals of the car as he grabs at the waistband of Josh's shorts, leggings and boxers together and yanks all three to his knees when Josh lifts himself up a little from the seat. Tyler lets out a gasp as he sees Josh's rock hard length bouncing free of his underwear. It happens every time, not once has it failed to take his breath away. Keeping his eyes on Josh's face, Tyler brings his head forward to take Josh into his mouth.

Automatically, Josh's hands go straight to his hair, fisting and forcing Tyler's head down. He takes it slow, letting out another long, low groan as he forces his cock down Tyler's throat until he gags. Josh definitely isn't usually this vocal, and Tyler is relishing every sound he makes. Tyler starts moving his head faster, watching Josh bite his bottom lip and take in a sharp breath of air at the feeling. He lets out a moan around the head of Josh's dick as he pulls himself back up, and the sensation has Josh bucking his hips forward hard. As he thrusts the head of his cock into the back of his throat, Tyler is overcome by a gag that makes his whole body wrench and Josh lets out a loud, "Fuuuck," then puts his hands under Tyler's arms again to pull him back up.

Josh reaches down to dig around in the pocket of his shorts as Tyler straddles him again, then finds what he's looking for and pulls out a little plastic bottle with a cheeky smile.

"I may have come prepared," he smirks up at Tyler on his lap. "You just look so damn good in those leggings, and I had a feeling I'd find it hard to wait until we got home."

Tyler lets out a little groan at his words and mashes their lips together. If he'd known that these were the thoughts Josh had been having before they left the house, they probably wouldn't have made it out the front door. 

"It looks like you came prepared too," Josh chuckles as he yanks down Tyler's leggings and sees he isn't wearing any underwear. 

Tyler giggles as he lifts himself out of Josh's lap to let him pull the leggings down, and then sits again to grind into the new sensation of skin against skin. Josh groans out again, sinking his teeth into Tyler's neck and bucking his hips up. 

"Just tell me if it's too much, at any point, okay? Just tell me to stop and I will. Because I wanna fuck you so hard you scream," Josh groans into Tyler's ear as he uncaps the bottle of lube to coat himself with it. 

Tyler feels like he can't draw a breathe with Josh's words, he's using whatever air he has in his lungs to moan out a steady stream of words, "Please Josh, please, give it to me, I need it, please," his standard chants when Josh is touching him. 

Another low groan and Josh is positioning himself at Tyler's entrance, pressing his head against the tight ring of muscle but not quite pressing in. 

"It's gonna hurt, Ty," he murmurs, and Tyler feels him throb between his asscheeks. 

Josh presses a few gentle kisses to Tyler's cheeks before grabbing his lower lip in his teeth again and pulling back. Tyler is the one to push his hips down and press Josh into him, shoving a few inches of his cock past the ring of muscle he's pressed against, before he's letting out a sobbing sound and pausing his movement. 

"Oh, holy fuuuuck, baby boy. You are so tight it hurts," Josh chokes out, his hands taking up a place on Tyler's hips and squeezing hard. 

It does. It burns so incredibly painfully that Tyler can barely stand it. Josh feels unimaginably huge and thick, forcing into him. Even with the lube, it hurts so badly that tears sting Tyler's eyes. 

"We can stop, Ty," comes Josh's voice, although as he speaks the words his hips buck just slightly, pressing him in a little further. Even though it hurts so much Tyler is trying to hold back tears, he doesn't ever want to stop. He leans over to whisper two words in Josh's ear, the same one he used when they first had sex. 

"Hurt me."

**-**

As soon as the words leave Tyler's lips, Josh is pulling his hips down as he bucks his own up urgently into him. He has to pump his hips up violently a few times, Tyler biting his lips to muffle screams of pain, until he's finally buried to the hilt. He has never known anything in his life to feel more fantastic than Tyler's ass gripping his cock so tightly it aches. Josh stills his hips and sits there with his head thrown back against the car headrest, giving the two of them time to adjust to the feeling. 

"Don't you dare hold those screams in," Josh pants as he peers at Tyler to see he's still biting his lip. "You know I love hearing you."

He wraps an arm around Tyler's neck to pull him in for a kiss and asks between pecks on his cheeks and lips, "Is this okay? Are you okay?"

Tyler is already sweating and he has tears in his eyes, but he nods. "I'll tell you if it isn't, Jishwa. Just fuck me."

Josh doesn't need to be told twice. With a groan, he grabs Tyler's hips so hard they're sure to bruise again and starts fucking him as hard as he can. He puts every ounce of sexual tension, energy, and leftover anger he has into his bucking hips, pulling Tyler's down to meet every thrust and strengthen the impact of their bodies slamming together. On the second thrust, Tyler's head falls back and he lets out a yell of Josh's name, so Josh uses that same angle and starts ramming his hips up into Tyler over and over, faster and faster, gripping his hips so tightly it's even starting to hurt Josh's hands. 

He's getting his screams from Tyler, now. It's like he's singing, these loud, high pitched, keening noises as he puts both his hands on the ceiling of the car roof and pushes down against it to press his ass down into Josh even harder. He's squealing out, "Yes, Josh, right there, please, fuck me, harder, please."

It's killing Josh that he can't fuck him harder, that he can't leave bruises on Tyler's skin from his pounding hips again, but he has to work with what he's got. Instead he buries a hand in Tyler's hair to yank his head to the side and bite at his neck. Tyler seems to have lost the ability to even make sentences anymore, it's just cursing, Josh's name, and God's. When his syntax is reduced like this, Josh knows he's doing a good job. He bites down on Tyler's neck hard enough that he draws a few spots of blood, and he licks it away. 

Tyler's squeals are sounding more and more destroyed as Josh ploughs into him relentlessly. He loosens his vicelike grip on Tyler's hips to watch him ride his cock, Josh bucking his hips up to meet Tyler's every bounce, still hitting his prostrate with every thrust and earning him high pitched squeals and moans. Tyler breaks their rhythm to grind his ass down hard in circles, trailing the head of Josh's dick back and forth across his g-spot, and the noises he lets out are truly the most sensational sounds Josh has ever heard. He sings, he keens, he whines, his hips stutter and grind and buck and he tells Josh, "Please, fuck, please, hard, Josh."

He's pretty far gone, but Josh can't help himself from complying, he tightens his grip on Tyler's hips again and holds him up on his knees a little so that he can slam his hips up into Tyler repeatedly, hard and fast and ceaseless, he's shouting out Tyler's name as he rams himself into his still incredibly tight asshole, he can feel the muscles tightening around him and Tyler's high pitched moans and squeals are cracking and trailing off at the end. He can tell both of their orgasms are building. 

Tyler is going to come untouched for a second time, and Josh finds it so impossibly hot that it spurs him on to somehow fuck even harder. He's gripping Tyler's hips tight enough that it wouldn't surprise him if his bones shattered as he fucks him so violently he's sure he's managed to leave bruises on Tyler's skin with his hips after all. The only noises Tyler is even making anymore are squeals and moans and grunts, he grabs two fistfuls of Josh's hair and tugs hard as his ass becomes intensely tight again around Josh's tirelessly pounding cock, eyes rolling back in his head.

Josh brings a hand up to wrap around Tyler's throat and squeeze hard as he fucks him, feeling the tugging sensation just under his own navel that tells him he's about to come. His hand tightens on Tyler's neck as his hips start to falter in their rhythm and it's the feeling of Tyler's muscles spasming around him as he tips over the edge that brings Josh over with him, both of them coming at the same time and shouting one another's names. 

Josh loosens his grip on Tyler's neck to see he's left a handprint around it, taking the other hand off Tyler's hip to see a bouquet of bruises already blossoming on his pale skin as he keeps riding Josh's cock, milking both of them through their climax. When Tyler's hips finally come to a stop, Josh lifts him a little to pull out with a groan, cock twitching as he sees a mixture of lube and his come trickle out of Tyler's wrecked hole and down his leg as he takes himself out. 

Right away, he wraps his arms around Tyler and pulls him tight into his chest, kissing over every inch of his face, his lips, his jaw, his neck while a hand comes up to brush through his hair. 

"That was absolutely amazing, baby boy. You did so well, you're so beautiful, you did so good," he gushes between pressing kisses over the handprint and bite marks on Tyler's neck. 

He kisses a little trail all the way from Tyler's left cheek, down his neck, across his collarbones, over the parts of his chest that the tank top he's wearing exposes, and back up to his right cheek. Then he just holds him, rocking him back and forth and praising him until Tyler slowly starts becoming more responsive again. 

"I love you so much, Jish," is his first full sentence after he starts to come back down, and Josh pecks little kisses all over his lips. 

"Fuck, I love you too, Ty," he chuckles, running a hand through Tyler's hair. "I swear to God I don't think there's a person alive I could enjoy sex more with."

He sees the pleased grin that takes over Tyler's face at this and gives him a squeeze, before taking a deep breath and a second to think of what he's about to say next, now that his anger is dealt with. 

"I'm so sorry, Ty. Sorry for not believing you about Debby. Sorry she was there tonight. Sorry for following her into that room, I don't know what I was thinking, I should have known something was up at that point," he gets it all out as fast as he can. He's still incredibly angry at what she did tonight, and doesn't want to get himself riled up again. 

"No, Josh, you don't need to apologise. You didn't do a single thing wrong. You're perfect. I trust you. I love you," comes Tyler's reply with a little smile on his face. He sounds utterly exhausted, and rightly so. 

"I love you too, Ty. And I'm gonna trust you whole heartedly next time. We can definitely get that shirt you wanted where no one's allowed to look at me," he grins and Tyler lets out a little giggle, nuzzling into Josh's chest. 

"Baby boy, I know you're sleepy, but let me get you home first. You can sleep in the fort instead," he smiles down at Tyler in his lap as he sees the excitement in his enthusiastic nod at the idea. 

Josh pulls Tyler's leggings back up his legs and presses more kisses across his face before picking him up, cradling him in his arms like a child, to place him back in his seat, then pulls his own clothes up from his knees, briefly acknowledging the fact that his skeleton hoody is covered in Tyler's come. He's ready to sleep himself, tempted to just pull Tyler into the back of the car and nap with him there, but he wills himself to start the car and buckle his seatbelt. It'll be worth the ten minutes of driving to be spooning Tyler to sleep again on a floor covered in duvets and pillows.


	24. Comforting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am truly so sorry I kept you guys waiting so long for this! I know it was only a couple of days but that's the longest I've gone without an update!  
> The socialising has come to an end, so I should be holed up in my bedroom scribbling like a lunatic again for the rest of the week, just like normal.  
> I tried to make this one a little longer to make up for it, so enjoy almost 7k words of fluff, oops.

Josh gets Tyler home before he falls asleep in the passenger seat, but only just. As he pulls up outside his apartment building, he's all set to have to carry Tyler out of the car and inside, but he groans, stretches and sits up with a wince when the car engine shuts off. 

"You okay, baby?" Josh asks him, a hand giving his thigh a gentle squeeze.

Tyler nods with a little, sleepy smile, opening the car door and slowly standing up. Josh is a tad concerned for Tyler's wellbeing, worried that taking his anger out on him was too intense, that he might have really hurt him, but Tyler is looking back at him from the building's front steps with a small smile as Josh gets out of the car. He seems okay. As long as he gets all the love and attention he needs, which won't be difficult, he should be fine. 

Josh jogs up the steps after locking his car, taking Tyler's hand to lead him through the doors and into the elevator. Once he hits the button for his floor, Josh pulls Tyler into his chest and wraps his arms around him. Tyler has this placid little smile on his face and his eyes look glazed over, calm as a Hindu cow. He looks as though he could fall asleep standing there, and Josh envies his blank state of mind. 

His own has started racing, going over the night's events. He's still so angry, although thankfully the past hour with Tyler has stopping him from shaking with rage. He's so angry that Debby could do this, could show Tyler so little respect, could think so little of Josh that she thought he'd cheat on Tyler. 

He's angry that Debby would leave him, break his heart, wait for Josh to finally get over her and find real love with someone else, and then try to take that away from him too. He's so, so angry with himself for not taking every word Tyler had said seriously, for dismissing his fears as anxiety, for having thought him paranoid, jealous even, when those fears turned out to be so valid. He's angry with himself for following Debby into that bedroom, for putting himself in the position where she had a chance to ambush him. 

He has a lot of emotion still pent up inside him. He needs to play his drums. 

He leads Tyler back out of the elevator and into his apartment, taking him straight to the blanket fort in the living room. As Josh lifts back a sheet so they can crawl in, Tyler lets himself fall backwards onto the pillow and blanket strewn floor, his whole body weight behind it. He lands with a dull 'thud' and rolls around in the blankets with a smile, trying to find comfort. 

Josh kicks off his shoes and shrugs his skeleton hoody off his shoulders, letting it fall to the ground, then gets down on his hands and knees. He crawls over to Tyler, trying to fit himself around his body. He can see Tyler's eyelids are already heavy as he tries to keep his eyes open, and Josh lies down behind him, running his fingers through Tyler's hair for a few minutes, until he hears his breathing even out and sees his eyes flickering with dreams. Once Josh knows he's definitely sleeping, he carefully extracts himself from their cuddle, being sure not to wake Tyler, and heads to his bedroom.

**-**

Tyler wakes up with a start, alone in the mess of blankets and pillows on the floor of the blanket fort. As he sits up, his body protests in the form of screaming pain from seemingly absolutely everywhere at once, but he ignores it. He can hear Josh drumming. He stands up slowly, groaning out loud at the pain, then finds an opening in the blankets to walk into the rest of the living room. 

He kicks off his shoes at the entrance of the fort, then pads down the hall to reach Josh's bedroom door, the volume of Josh's drumming growing with every step. Tyler pushes the bedroom door open slowly, but Josh is facing away from him and he doesn't notice the movement. Tyler just stands there in the doorway, mesmerised. 

He's never seen Josh drum harder, he's surprised the skins aren't breaking, that the pedal isn't going straight through the kick drum. Tyler has no idea what Josh is playing, but that doesn't matter. He always prefers seeing Josh play from his own mind, rather than imitating something from someone else's. 

As he plays, Josh stands, he sits, his body thrashes and he's biting his bottom lip. He's taken off his shirt, body glistening with sweat from the effort he's exerting. Tyler can see every muscle in his back and arms as they tense, the way his body curves as he leans over his kit, the dimples at bottom of his back, either side of his spine, peeking out just above the waistband of his black shorts. As he beats his drums with all his might, he twirls his sticks in his hands, taps them together, at one point he uses one to strike his snare with so much force that the drum stick splinters in half. 

Josh is so lost in the beat he's pounding out that, at first, he doesn't even notice. He goes to hit his crash cymbal and the stick breaks entirely in two, half flying over his head, but Josh doesn't stop. He keeps playing with his feet and the other stick, flinging the broken half he's still holding across the room and then grabbing another from the holder he has clamped to his hi-hat, with which he recovers immediately. 

Tyler is in complete and utter awe as he watches. He has never seen anyone play _any_ instrument and match the energy and fervour that Josh uses when he plays his drums. He doesn't need any accompaniment, Tyler could listen to his drums alone for hours. He must stand there for at least fifteen minutes, just staring, until Josh finally stops, huffing and panting, wiping sweat from his face. 

"You are absolutely incredible, Josh," Tyler marvels, walking over to him from the doorway.

"Ty? Shit, did I wake you up? Sorry," Josh says in a hushed voice, but Tyler shakes his head and leans in to peck a kiss on Josh's lips. 

"No, don't ever be sorry for playing. I'm glad I woke up, that was seriously _incredible_. Like, I can't believe _my boyfriend_ can do that. You are so frickin' talented," Tyler tells him and Josh grins huge.

"Thanks, Ty. I think you're the first person ever to be woken up by my drumming and not tell me to shut the fuck up," Josh chuckles, but Tyler looks appalled. 

"Those people are God damn idiots, well! Anyone who witnesses your drumming and doesn't stand there, loving every minute of it is... is just wrong!" he half shouts, and Josh laughs again, getting up from his stool and kissing Tyler's forehead. 

"You are such a sweetheart, thank you," he gives Tyler another big smile, nose scrunching up and eyes crinkling at the corners. "But you should be sleeping, c'mon, baby boy."

The pet name sends Tyler's stomach into somersaults every time Josh uses it, and he returns Josh's grin. 

"As long as you're coming with me," Tyler pouts and Josh leans forward to pull Tyler's bottom lip into his mouth and kiss him briefly.

"Of course, baby," Josh takes Tyler's hands in his own to sling his arms around his neck, then grabs Tyler's thighs and hikes him up off the ground to wrap his legs around his waist, and carries him like this back into the living room. 

"You realise you just took me out of a room with a bed in it, right?" Tyler giggles into Josh's ear as he's carried over to the blanket fort. 

"Yup!" Josh replies with a grin, letting Tyler back down. "That isn't nearly as much fun, though. Besides, my duvet and pillows are on the floor in here."

"Touché!" Tyler laughs, crawling into the fort and wincing a little as he sits. 

Josh catches the facial expression and falls to his knees beside him. 

"Shit, baby, are you okay?" he coos, lifting a hand to trail his fingers through Tyler's hair softly. "I'm so sorry I hurt you. I shouldn't have let my anger take control like that."

He kisses over a stinging area on the skin of Tyler's neck, which Tyler assumes fell victim to Josh's teeth. 

"Don't apologise! God, it was amazing. That's like apologising to someone for giving them a car for Christmas," he titters and Josh chuckles, then Tyler leans over to whisper in his ear, "I like it when you hurt me, you know that."

Josh lets out a groan at his words. "You can't say that unless you want me to fuck you," he growls, and the mere thought makes Tyler moan. 

"I mean, I'm not saying no," he smirks, but Josh shakes his head, laughing. 

"You are relentless!" he laughs. "You wouldn't be walking for a week. C'mon, you need some rest, Ty."

Tyler quite likes the idea of not being able to walk because of Josh, but he does as he's told and lies down on his back. 

"Hang on, I wanna make sure you sleep well, one sec," comes Josh's voice as he backs out of the fort. 

Tyler hears him pulling open a drawer in the coffee table out in the living room and rummaging around until he returns with the long, black plate that holds all of his rolling tools. 

"You said you'd teach me," Tyler reminds him, sitting back up, and Josh smiles. 

"Alright, you can give it a try," he allows, sitting cross legged on the floor beside Tyler and getting his gear ready.

Tyler does well right up until it comes time to pick up the skin and roll it into a cone. Josh shows him, a few times, the technique and motions he needs to employ, but Tyler just can't make his fingers complete the skilled movements required to roll it. He eventually gives up and hands the task over to Josh, who finishes in seconds. 

"Practice makes perfect," Josh smirks, lying back on the cushioned floor and pulling Tyler down with him, to lie his head on Josh's chest. "You'll get it at some point. These things take time."

Josh flicks a lighter to light the joint as Tyler thinks about his words. 

"I wish I had some way of just learning things immediately without having to put in the years of work, you know? Like, I don't just mean rolling a joint, I mean, like, learning sheet music. Or learning new languages, or new instruments. Or learning what I need to do to be a proper musician," Tyler stops his thinking out loud as Josh passes him the joint. 

"Tyler, you _are_ a proper musician! You are excellent, like I keep telling you. You just need to find a way to get it out there so people can hear it, but once they see you play and they hear your voice, once they really listen to what you have to say, people will love you. The things you say really resonate, like, you could change people's lives. I mean it," Josh promises. 

Tyler can already feel the weed, it's making him feel light and free as he tries to find the right words to reply to Josh. Everything Josh says to him is always so perfect, as though he can hear every thought Tyler has and contest every insecurity, without them even having to be voiced. Tyler writes his words for others, because he wants to help, wants to let people they aren't alone, even in their darkest hour when they feel more alone than ever. He doesn't just want his music to be heard, he wants to be listened to. He looks up to see Josh blowing smoke rings. 

"I love you so much," Tyler grins up at him. "I swear to God, you have no idea. You are just so perfect. I don't know where I'd be without you, and I don't want to know."

Josh wraps his arms around Tyler to squeeze him hard, pulling him in tight against his body. 

"Right back atcha, Ty. Every word. You beautiful, adorable, sweet thing you. I love you so much it's honestly a little disgusting," Josh says, passing the joint back to a laughing Tyler. 

"I love you a gross amount too, Jishwa. I kind of don't ever want to do anything but just lie in your arms," he giggles, only briefly registering the voice in his head calling him desperate, needy and clingy. 

"That would be so perfect. I'll keep working until I have enough money for us to do exactly that, then I'll quit my job and we can stay in our pjs forever, deal?" Josh snickers, and Tyler grins. 

"Frickin' deal!"

They smoke the rest of their joint, laughing more and more as it burns away, until it's finally finished and Josh is stubbing out the roach in the ashtray beside him. Tyler's thoughts are hazy with the weed and his eyelids weigh seven pounds each. He rolls around to nuzzle his face into Josh's side with a contented sigh, pressing a kiss into the skin over his ribs. 

"G'night, baby boy,' Josh smiles down at him, and Tyler's heart flutters at the name again. 

"Ninight, Jishwa," he yawns, giving into his tiredness once again, and drifting off into hazy dreams. 

*****

Tyler wakes up at noon the next day, every inch of his body more painful than the night before, and he has crashed completely. He feels entirely empty, utterly exhausted and used up. This is hardly unusual for a regular Sunday, but for it to be a Sunday after a night like that with Josh, feeling like this is unprecedented. It's then that he realises Josh isn't beside him and he starts to panic. 

He doesn't really understand why, but he's suddenly terrified that Josh has left him, that he's been abandoned, that he's all alone. He starts calling out for Josh, panicking further which each of the three shouts that go unanswered, until Josh comes into the fort with the fourth. 

"Hey, baby, you're awake! I was gonna wake you up with breakfast. What's up?" he asks with a smile. 

"Don't leave me," Tyler whines, hating how needy he sounds, but Josh just nods understandingly. 

"Come cook with me," he suggests, holding out his hands to Tyler on the floor, then taking Tyler's outstretched arms and pulling him to his feet. 

Tyler's face screws up in pain as he stands up, and Josh kisses his forehead a few times. He lets himself be led by the hand into the kitchen, and he proceeds to wrap his arms around Josh's waist from behind and walk around the room with him. He's definitely being more of a hindrance than a help, he can only be slowing Josh down, but he doesn't complain once, and ends up with a huge mountain of freshly cooked waffles on a plate for them.

"Let's eat!" Josh grins, turning in Tyler's arms to press a kiss to his nose. "Yo, I am a master chef. I've only ever cooked cereal and toast before, but it turns out I'm a waffle wizard!"

He breaks out of Tyler's arms then, heading to set the food down at the table. Any time Josh stops touching him, any time they lose contact, for some reason, Tyler starts to feel panicked and alone. He silently freaks out, standing abandoned in the centre of the kitchen, until he sees Josh pulling both the chairs of his small table to the same side and motioning for Tyler to sit, then he takes his own seat beside him and puts a hand on Tyler's thigh. 

As Josh heaps waffles onto both of their plates, he gives Tyler's thigh a gentle squeeze and he starts to feel better. Josh eats one handedly, which looks difficult and awkward, but he doesn't once move his hand from Tyler's leg. It's as though he can tell that Tyler needs it there without having to be told. Tyler still feels like he's being _especially_ needy today, and he's bad enough on the average day. He still has an unpleasant emptiness in his centre and for some reason, he feels like he could cry. 

"Hey," Josh's voice pulls him from this thoughts, "you wanna help me dye my hair today?"

Tyler looks over to see an excited smile on Josh's face, and he nods. 

"Sick! I just need to go get some hair dye somewhere," Josh hums, taking a bite of a waffle covered in maple syrup. 

Tyler starts to panic just at the thought of Josh leaving the house without him. 

"You can come with me, if you like!" he assures Tyler immediately, reading his thoughts on his face. 

"Yes, please," Tyler squeaks, still worried that he's being a little too clingy. Josh grins at him with his tongue between his teeth, then leans over to press a kiss to Tyler's forehead. 

"We don't have to go just yet. It's Hallowe'en, I bet there'll be some awesome movies on TV?" Josh suggests, and Tyler's face lights up.

"I am so ready to watch The Nightmare Before Christmas right now!" he smirks. 

"That's a Christmas movie!" Josh corrects, but Tyler brushes him off. 

"They live in Hallowe'en town, Jishwa. That one song, 'this is Hallowe'en, this is Hallowe'en,' it's totally a Hallowe'en movie!" Tyler sings. 

"Christmas is in the frickin' title!" Josh shouts, laughing a little. 

They continue arguing the topic while as he clears the table and takes them into the living room, only when they get into the fort does Josh finally concede after finding 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' playing on _two_ channels, at the same time. Tyler cheers his victory as they both laugh, sitting back to watch one channel that only started playing the movie fifteen minutes before. 

After a while, it starts to hurt Tyler too much to sit up, so he lays curled up on his side with his head in Josh's lap, and Josh starts running his fingers through his hair. They stay like this for around an hour, singing all the songs together, Josh occasionally leaning over to kiss Tyler's forehead or cheek. Like so many other times they spend together, Tyler finds himself wishing he could freeze that moment with Josh and stay in it forever. 

*****

"Do I sound like more of a 'Cotton Candy', 'Raspberry Rebel', or a 'Punky Pink'?" Josh asks Tyler with a grin, holding a few boxes of pink hair dye in his hands. 

"Oh, you're a punk for sure," Tyler grins back, looking over his shoulder from the sunglasses rack he's inspecting. 

"You know, I was thinking the same," Josh chuckles. "It's the brightest one anyway. Just lemme grab a box of bleach too, and then that's us."

Tyler grabs the pair of large, circular lensed glasses with thick, white rims that he's been admiring while Josh has been choosing dye, and follows him down the aisle. Just as Tyler thinks to himself that he wishes they were touching somehow, Josh reaches out to take his hand and interlock their fingers, looking at him with a smile playing on the corners of his lips. He grabs a random box of bleach without much thought and steers Tyler towards the tills. 

Tyler notices an elderly woman staring at them with a displeased look on her face while they make their way to the checkout. Her eyes flick between their faces and their hands as she looks over from the vitamins she's standing in front of, and he grins at her. Usually, the obvious judgement of a stranger would bring him down, but it's impossible to feel anything but happy when Josh's hand is in his. Her scowl in response to his smile and her audible 'tut' actually make him laugh, rather than making him feel any of the shame or embarrassment he normally would. Josh looks around at Tyler's laughter to see the old woman glaring daggers in their direction, and he grins huge, then he pulls Tyler by the hand to face him and plants a kiss on his lips. The woman looks truly offended, as she throws a bottle of vitamins back onto the shelf and storms out of the shop, and now both Josh and Tyler are laughing. 

"We shouldn't find this funny, you might have just sent that little old lady to an early grave," Tyler scolds, but it only serves to make them laugh harder. 

"How early could you really call it?" Josh wheezes out and then they're howling with laughter again. 

The clerk behind the till is glaring at them too, now, as they walk up to pay for Josh's hair products, but Tyler doesn't care even a little. He doesn't have a care in the world. Josh is spending an age digging around in his pocket one handedly for his wallet because he isn't letting go of Tyler's hand, and it's filling Tyler from head to toe with a happiness that swells up inside him and fights to leave his every orifice. He wants to jump and sing and dance and scream. He knows the feeling would be lost to him the second Josh lets go of his hand, and as much as there's a voice in the back of his head telling him how dangerous it is to rely on someone else this much, to depend on Josh for his own happiness and peace of mind, he doesn't care. He has Josh now and that's all that matters for the moment. 

Once Josh has paid for his hair dye, Tyler throws his sunglasses up on the counter and does the same awkward dance of trying to work his wallet out of his pocket one handedly, still wearing the same skeleton hoody he had on the night before. He figures that October 31st is going to be the best day of the year to wear it, not that he'll need an excuse. When they're finally done with the obviously exasperated cashier, they turn to leave and Josh has a mischievous little smirk on his face. 

They approach a wooden bench near the entrance of the shop they just left, and Josh tells Tyler to stand on it. With a puzzled look, Tyler does as he's told, and then Josh is bending a little in front of him, facing forward and taking Tyler's hands over his shoulders to pull him onto a piggyback ride. Tyler giggles as he launches himself high onto Josh's back, whose hands then move to support Tyler's thighs around his waist. He hasn't carried Tyler like this since he got too drunk to walk home from the frat party all those weeks ago. He currently has bruises on both inner thighs again from Josh's hips, so having his legs wrapped around his waist is causing him some pain, but Tyler doesn't care. All that matters is that they're being stared at by almost everyone who walks by, Josh with his washed out, salmon hair and red still in the creases around his eyes, Tyler with his sunglasses now on indoors and his skeleton hoody, riding on Josh's back; and Tyler doesn't care that all these eyes are on him. All that matters is that he has Josh and Josh has him. 

They stay like this, Josh ambling along and Tyler clinging to his back, occasionally smacking Josh on the ass and shouting, "Yah!" or, "Hi-yo, Silver, away!" when people stare at them for a particularly extended period of time, until Josh takes off at a run out of the mall and Tyler squeals, sure that they'll end up in a pile on the floor. As they get outside, they're caught in pouring rain so heavy that every drop bounces back from the asphalt as it hits the ground. Tyler laughs as Josh lets him slide slowly from his back, forehead creased with something that looks like worry. 

"I'm parked about a minute's walk away. We are gonna get soaked... How about you stay here, and I'll go get the car and bring it round to you?" Josh offers.

"No!" Tyler practically shouts, panicking at the idea of being without Josh, then, trying to save face, he continues, "it wouldn't be fair if you got soaked and I didn't. We can go together! Besides, I quite like the rain."

Josh smiles over at him, reaching out for his hand again, and then Tyler takes off at a sprint, dragging Josh along behind him. They laugh and jump as they run, Tyler splashing in puddles to get them both even wetter as they tear through the parking lot to find Josh's car. It only takes around twenty seconds, but they are both absolutely drenched by the time they reach the car. Tyler pauses at the car door to pull Josh into a kiss, biting his bottom lip gently, pressing his tongue into Josh's open mouth, the two of them making out in the rain and getting positively dripping wet, until Tyler lets out a shiver. 

"Alright, in the car, sweetheart," Josh says against Tyler's lips with a smile, "I don't want you catching a cold."

"Kissing you in the rain is totally worth getting sick over," Tyler smiles back, but he does as he's told, circling the car to open the passenger door and slide in. 

"Ugh, Ty, you are too adorable for your own good sometimes," Josh sighs, getting into the driver's side and peeling off the wet flannel shirt he's wearing. 

"Not really, I just know you'd have to bring me soup all week because you got me sick and I am all about that life," Tyler counters with a smirk and Josh bursts out laughing. 

Inside the safety of the car, Tyler pulls his phone out of the soaked pocket of his jeans, praying that it won't have suffered water damage, and he sees he has a text from Brendon. 

Brendon: **HAPPY HALLOWEEN MY ICKLE BABY BAT, so where are you and Josh taking us for dinner tomorrow night?**

He laughs and turns to Josh, who's starting up the ignition of the car. 

"Hey, I forgot to say, Brendon and Ryan want to have a double date with us tomorrow. They want us to get dinner with them," he tells Josh, who beams at him. 

"That sounds great! We could even go to the forest again, first. Have a smoke together, I can meet Ryan properly, we can all get the munchies and then dinner will be even better!" he grins. 

Tyler tries to be enthusiastic in his nodding. All of that sounds perfect, if it were just him and Josh. He's still very reluctant to bring anyone to their woods, especially now that their heart is carved onto Tyler's tree. It all seems so special, secret, their own clandestine little hiding place that no one else should know. The more they expose others to it, the more chance they have of losing their privacy in the trees. Tyler gets very protective of what he and Josh have, he really doesn't want to share. So long as they stick to the outskirts of the trees again, their waterfall is safe, but he'd much rather keep those woods hidden for his and Josh's adventures. 

"Okay, what time do you wanna meet them at?" he asks, being sure to keep the slight disappointment he's feeling out of his words. 

"Tell him we'll come meet them at your guys' dorm at four, then we can go smoke for four twenty like all the cool kids do," he bites his tongue in a grin and Tyler smiles back. 

Tyler: **We'll come meet you in the dorm room at 4. There's that restaurant Josh and I were meant to go to called Zoe? If anyone's buying dinner it's you for forcing us to come.**

As always, Brendon's reply comes within seconds of Tyler sending him a text. 

Brendon: **Uh oh is somebody mad because Im making him stop fucking his boyfriend for a couple of hours to spend time with his best friend?**

Tyler snorts with laughter as he reads Brendon's message, but he doesn't reply, because yes, somebody _is_ mad. 

**-**

Josh grins up at Tyler as he watches him bite his tongue in concentration, with gloved hands holding a bowl and a brush. He seems terrified that he'll somehow mess up Josh's hair beyond all repair, if the way he's killed all conversation between them and banned Josh from any movement is anything to go by. 

He tentatively loads up the brush in his hand with bleach and applies the first load of the paste to Josh's roots. With the adorable look of assiduousness on Tyler's face and how seriously he's taking the matter at hand, Josh can't help himself but mess with him. 

"Boo!" he shouts suddenly, bringing his hands up to clutch at Tyler's sides. 

Tyler lets out a little shriek, dropping the brush still loaded with bleach onto the tiled floor. He bends over to pick it up and then straightens with a scowl. 

"You jerk! I swear to God, I'll mess your hair up on purpose, you dipcrap!" he threatens, flailing wildly with the brush. 

"I'm sorry! I don't know what overcame me, it must have been the spook," Josh tries, flashing Tyler his best charming smile before launching into a chorus of 'This is Hallowe'en'. 

Tyler gives him a playful slap on the cheek before scooping up more of the stinging goop in the bowl to spread through Josh's hair. The bathroom window has been left wide open, with the door shut so no kittens can escape, but the smell still fills Josh's nostrils with a painful strength, adding to the headache the bleach is already causing on his burning scalp. The smell, the pain, his and Tyler's lingering touches, everything is reminiscent of the night they first kissed. 

It makes Josh think of just how much everything between them has changed; how shy Tyler had been that night they dyed his hair red, how Josh had thought him such a delicate, little thing at first. And now he's littering Tyler's skin with marks everywhere he touches him and fucking him harder than he's ever fucked before. Tyler may still seem like a delicate, little thing at first glance, perhaps in a lot of ways, he is, but he also has strength in a lot of ways people don't get to see all the time. Josh gets to see some of those sides more than anyone else, and he is so glad for it. It seems like so much has happened in the two and a half months since that night outside Tyler's dorm building, and it's looking more and more as though kissing the cute boy who lives next to his friend was one of the best decisions he's ever made. 

It takes a few more minutes of Tyler's undivided attention for him to scrape the last of the bleach from the bowl and spread it through the hair at the back of Josh's head, then he motions for Josh to go and inspect his work in the mirror. Josh gets up to have a look at himself as Tyler pops out of the room to get some tinfoil from the kitchen. 

"You did great, Ty!" Josh beams as Tyler walks back into the bathroom. "I think you were even neater than Hayley was!"

Tyler grins at this, looking pleased with himself, as he sets an alarm on his phone to remind them to wash his hair out. He then picks up the aluminium foil he set on the bathroom windowsill to tear off a piece and fashion it into a hat for Josh. 

"You know, I didn't tell you this last time, but you look so cute in a tinfoil hat," he giggles as he twists the metal into a point on top of Josh's head. 

"Oh yeah?" Josh chuckles, raising and lowering his eyebrows, "you think I should start wearing 'em out in public?"

"Oh for sure! You should definitely wear one to dinner tomorrow. You know, I just don't think enough people stare at us when we're out together," Tyler jokes and they both laugh. 

Once his head is wrapped up, the two of them head back into the living room and sit in their blanket fort, watching an episode of 'The X-Files', until Tyler's alarm interrupts them. Tyler sends Josh into the bathroom to rinse his own hair out while he prepares everything for the next step of the dyeing process, and Josh complies. He uses his shower head to take all of the cream out of his hair and acknowledges for a moment how dry and crispy it now feels, then squeezes out as much water as he can before vigorously towel drying it. 

He straightens up and looks in the mirror, letting out a shout of laughter, the sight of himself with yellow-blonde hair never failing to amuse him. Tyler comes in moments later, armed once more with his bowl and brush. 

"This pink is totally punk rock, they weren't lying," Tyler smirks as he walks over to Josh, sat on the closed lid of the toilet. "It's so ridiculously bright, hot pink. It's gonna look sick."

"Of course it will, because you're doing it," Josh smiles, giving Tyler the cheesiest grin he can muster, all teeth and a scrunched up face, and Tyler giggles as he loads up his brush with the pink paste. 

As Tyler works his way through the bowl of dye, brushing it through his hair with precision and haste, Josh's hands come up to slip under the baggy vest top Tyler's wearing and stroke across the silky, soft skin of his lower back. Josh hears him take in a deep breath, but he says nothing, just continues to load up his brush and apply it in straight lines along the centre of Josh's hair. Josh moves his hands to Tyler's hips, his thumbs pressing just slightly into the bruises he left there the night before, and Tyler groans a little. 

"Josh," he tries to protest, but it comes out as more of a whine and Josh wants to hear more. "You are gonna end up with totally effed up hair and it will be entirely your own fault."

"I think I'm willing to take the risk," Josh grins up at him, leaning forward to bite at the hem of Tyler's tank top and pull, squeezing one eye shut as he tugs it with his teeth. 

Tyler works quickly now, slopping great heaps of the pink dye onto the top of Josh's head and messily spreading it through his hair. Dropping Tyler's shirt again, Josh moves his hands to Tyler's stomach, loving how easily he gets flustered. His fingers trail down to hook under the waistband of Tyler's jeans, and he lets out another whine. 

"Seriously, you need to stop, or I'm gonna mess up," Tyler complains, but he doesn't step back from Josh's wandering hands. 

Pulling him forward by the belt loops of his jeans, Josh reaches up to peck a kiss onto Tyler's lips, then relinquishes his grip, letting him finish the job. 

"I don't wanna end up covered in hair dye again," Tyler smirks as he globs the last of the pink dye onto Josh's head. "You have to remember we're seeing Brendon tomorrow, and this stuff doesn't come off. I'd like to give him as few reasons as possible to declare to the entire restaurant that I'm a kinky slut, and I'm not sure if you've seen my neck?"

Josh laughs as he stands up from the toilet seat. He does have a point. There's still a red mark across the front of Tyler's throat from his gripping hand, coupled with purple hickeys and marks from Josh's teeth. He gives Tyler a guilty smile. 

"I'm sorry! You just _do things_ to me," he growls the last few words and grabs at Tyler's hips once more, to pull him in for a heated kiss. 

Tyler moans again, but pulls back from the kiss after a moment, and slaps Josh's hands away. 

"Control yourself! Gosh, we're talking thirty minutes here, Josh!" Tyler reprimands, but he's grinning as he sets a timer on his phone. 

"Well excuse me for not being able to keep my hands off you. You've only got yourself to blame," Josh teases. 

He walks over to give Tyler a hard smack on the ass, earning himself a gorgeous little squeal, before sauntering out of the bathroom and into the living room. Tyler follows soon after, biting his bottom lip in a way that drives Josh crazy. They get back into the blanket fort, Josh sitting cross legged on the floor and Tyler lying on his stomach beside him, still too sore to sit up. 

The tension between them is palpable, Josh doing everything he can to keep his hands to himself. They make it through the rest of their interrupted episode of 'The X-Files' and half of a second before they're interrupted again by an alarm on Tyler's phone. He sends Josh back into the bathroom to wash his hair a final time, staying to finish the episode of their TV show. 

Josh pecks a kiss to Tyler's lips before returning to the bathroom, using the shower head again and this time adding about half a bottle of conditioner to his hair after rinsing out the dye, then washing that out too. His hair already feels in better condition after this round, and he repeats the step of squeezing out as much water as possible, then vigorously towel drying. 

After ruining a white towel with a big, bright pink stain, Josh moves to examine his hair in the mirror and lets out a gasp at his own appearance. He loves it. He loves it even more than the red, maybe because Tyler did it. Already, he doesn't ever want to change it. He tries his best to style his wet hair into something a little more tame, then heads back out to the living room to show Tyler. 

"So whaddya think?" he grins as he lifts back a blanket to let himself in. 

Josh lets out a little chuckle as he sees the scene he's walked in on. Tyler has passed out cold, with Josh's tabby kitten curled up in his arms. The image is far too adorable for Josh to even think of disturbing him, and so he shuts off the television and lays down to wrap his arms around the boy on the floor, pulling a blanket over them with a smile.


	25. Dining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, here I go stretching one evening over almost 7k words again.

Tyler wakes on Monday to Josh leaning over him, pecking kisses all over his face. They're still on the floor of their fort in the living room, and Tyler's body still aches. 

"Holy crap, your hair looks so sick!" Tyler grins, catching sight of it as he opens his eyes. 

"Yeah, you did a really good job," Josh smiles back, pressing his lips to Tyler's forehead again. "I'm gonna come straight to you for all things hair from now on, so I hope you're ready for that."

Tyler giggles, pushing himself up into a sitting position and running the fingers of one hand through Josh's hair. It curls wildly in all directions from being slept on, untameable even by Tyler's hands. Of course, Josh still manages to make it look incredible, just like everything else. 

"Seriously, though, you really suit it," Tyler assures him, still tangling his fingers in Josh's shockingly pink hair. "I've gotta admit, I was a little sad, just because I loved it red so much, but pink looks even better."

Josh grins at this, giving Tyler a peck on the lips. 

"I think so too. So what do you want for breakfast today?" he asks, sitting back on his knees to give Tyler room to stretch. "We could go out somewhere if you like? It's already gone eleven thirty."

Tyler thinks for a second before settling on a decision with a smile. 

"There's a Starbucks near here, right? I mean, there's a Starbucks near everywhere. I could really go for a giant Caramel Macchiato right now," he hums, still smirking. 

"Sweet!" Josh shouts, slapping his palms down on his thighs, then jumping to his feet. "I'll go get you some clothes if you wanna grab a shower."

As Josh disappears through the blankets, Tyler weighs his options. On one hand, he's tired and lazy, and he just wants to go get coffee. On the other hand, he does feel pretty grungy, having not had a shower in a couple of days. With a sigh and another stretch, he forces himself up, still wincing a little in pain as he moves, and heads to the bathroom. 

Josh's shower is much more spacious than the tiny, cramped closet he and Brendon share back in their dorm room. Tyler can stretch both arms out on either side of his body and still not touch the walls. He hadn't really appreciated the size of it the last time he'd used it, seeing as Josh was in there with him, but now he makes full use of the space. He sings to himself as he washes his hair, occasionally grabbing a shampoo bottle to use it like a microphone, and dancing around inside the shower. At one point, he attempts an overly energetic jump and he slips and almost falls, knocking down the shelves in the shower and sending bottles cascading all over the floor.

"Ty, are you okay?" comes Josh's laughing voice, calling through the bathroom door. 

"Yeah, I'm good, I just go hard in the shower," Tyler laughs back, straightening up the shelves and replacing the bottles.

"You should let me join you next time, I can go hard too," Josh shouts back, his voice getting quieter as he walks away. 

The words send Tyler's mind reeling as he covers himself in shower gel. He's so wrapped up in imagining shower scenarios with Josh that, by the time he's clean, he has to turn on the cold water for a few seconds before he gets out. Grabbing a towel from the heated rack in the bathroom, Tyler wraps it around his waist and heads out the door to look for Josh. 

"Hey, Jishwa, could I get some clothes?" he calls out, and Josh emerges from his bedroom with an armful of garments and a smile.

Josh is dressed now, wearing a pair of ripped, black skinny jeans and a hugely oversized white tank top with low cut arms, that reaches halfway down his thighs. He has a black baseball cap backwards on his head with just a peak of bright pink hair showing through the front, and he looks absolutely incredible. Tyler gets a little lost in looking at him, until Josh extends his arms full of clothes with a smirk. 

"Throw these on and then we're good to go!" he chirps, bundling the clothes into Tyler's arms and moving to put on his Doctor Martens. 

Tyler takes the clothes back into the bathroom so that he can dry off properly and change. Everything about him smells like Josh, the shampoo, the shower gel, the t-shirt covered in pictures of cats and the black sweat pants, he's completely surrounded by his scent and he loves it. He wonders briefly to himself how many outfits of Josh's he can get away with stealing, because he _definitely_ wants this t-shirt, before trying to get some control over his hair in the mirror. Once he's done the best he can, he walks back out into the living room to find Josh in a hoody, ready to go. 

"Just a sec, lemme stick on my vans," Tyler tells him, rushing over to the fort to grab his shoes and the sweatshirt Josh bought him. 

He shoves both of them on hastily and they head out the door, Josh taking Tyler's hand in his own after he locks up, then they jog down the stairs together. 

*****

The nearest Starbucks is only a five minute drive from Josh's apartment building, and they spend the drive discussing muffins and cookies while Josh's hand rests on Tyler's thigh. Once they find a parking space and get into the coffee shop, Josh tells Tyler to go and find them a good seat while he gets their drinks. 

Tyler heads straight towards two low, leather armchairs sitting by one of the windows, and throws himself down on the one facing out into the store. He loves to watch people any time he's sitting in public. He sees an old man sitting alone at a table a few across from his window seat, his coffee finished, reading a newspaper. Tyler starts imagining reasons as to why he might be drinking alone. Perhaps he's a widower, or maybe his wife had an argument with him and he just needed a place to get away from it all. Tyler finds himself sympathising with the fictional character he's created, pitying the man for situations that probably haven't even happened. 

He's torn from his daydreaming by Josh joining him at the table with two Caramel Macchiatos in mugs so large they could be used as buckets, as well as two chocolate muffins. Tyler's, "Thanks," is muffled and loaded with crumbs as he speaks through the bite of chocolate muffin he takes as soon as Josh sets down the tray. Josh laughs as Tyler sprays little flecks of chocolate across the table. 

"Don't mention it! Especially not with your mouth full," Josh chuckles, taking a bite of his own muffin. 

They sit in relative silence through their food, occasionally commenting on how delicious the offerings are, or announcing that they could live solely on these muffins for the rest of their lives and nothing else. As Tyler takes his last bite with a gulp of coffee, he screws up the paper case, throws it down on the tray and sits back in his chair to observe the patrons of the café. His eyes fall on someone across the room and he scowls. 

"Oh, for _fuck's sake_ ," Tyler snarls in an aggravated whisper, and Josh's head shoots up at the sound of Tyler swearing. 

He gives Tyler a questioning look, and Tyler just points across the café towards the tills. Josh cranes his neck to follow his line of sight and lets out a frustrated sigh as he sees the problem. Debby is queuing for coffee less than twenty feet away from them. 

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" Josh agrees, then turns back to Tyler. "Grab your mug," he deadpans.

"What?!" Tyler shoots him a confused glance, but Josh's face is set in stone. 

"Just do it, grab your coffee," Josh takes his own mug and stands, Tyler following suit. 

After a quick glance around the room to make sure no eyes are on them, Josh grabs Tyler's arm with a smile and drags him, jogging, towards the front door. Tyler leaves a trail of drips from their table to the door from the sloshing liquid in his cup, both of them breaking into laughter as they rush out of the café and run a few doors down the street. 

"You realise we can never go back there again, right? That was definitely theft," Tyler giggles, taking a sip of his caramel coffee.

"Yeah, well, Starbucks is overrated anyway. This way we get to have our coffee _al fresco_ , which is very posh. Also I get two new mugs," Josh beams and Tyler grins back. 

"I think I should at least get one. I mean, I committed half the crime, I should reap half of the rewards!" he protests, and Josh smirks. 

"Sure, okay, you can have one. It will totally be yours, it'll just stay at my place and I'll use it all the time, but it'll totally be yours," he offers and Tyler laughs. 

"Yeah, that sounds like a totally fair deal!" he chuckles, then looks around the street they're standing in. "So where are we gonna go drink our 'al fresco' coffee, Monsieur?" 

"You're mixing up French and Italian, Ty," Josh sniggers, but he takes Tyler's free hand as he takes a sip of his own beverage, and leads him down the street. 

They come to a little patch of green at the end of a row of shops, one tree growing in the grass and a little wooden bench by it, however Josh sits down on the grass and pats a spot beside him for Tyler to join him. 

"Wow, you're right, this is so posh," Tyler giggles, sitting on the grass and managing not to let any of the physical pain he feels show on his face. 

For all his teasing, Tyler actually really enjoys drinking coffee with Josh on a tiny patch of grass in the midst of all the concrete around them. He thinks it quite metaphorical, all the humdrum grey and bustling around this one little patch of bright colour and life. Josh is a little patch of grass in the middle of a sea of grey faces. They find shapes in the clouds as they sit, leaning back on their elbows and pointing out pictures in the sky to one another, and Tyler is really enjoying himself. That is, until he looks up at the sound of footsteps passing by and sees Debby walking along with a to-go cup of coffee in her hand. 

She looks down at them as she passes, shock registering on her face as she recognises them, and Tyler glares at her in such a way that he's sure she can feel it physically. Every ounce of hatred he holds for her escapes in his stare. She looks down at his torso momentarily, reading the 'JOSH'S BOY FREN' slogan, and her obvious anger becomes even more apparent on her face. She doesn't even look at Josh as she quickens her pace and stalks by them, Tyler laughing as she goes. His only regret is that Josh didn't have a matching 'TYLER'S BOY FREN' sweater on, too. 

Josh looks a little shaken as he stares down at the mug in his hands with a crease between his eyebrows. Tyler isn't sure what's bringing Josh's mood on, whether it's anger at what she did on Saturday night resurfacing, or if it's maybe leftover hurt just like Tyler had heard in Josh's voice in the bedroom that night, or perhaps it's the pain of wanting her back. But no, he tells himself, if he had wanted her back he could have taken her. He needs to stop doubting Josh, after how many times he's proven himself. He trusts Josh more than anybody. 

"Do not let her get to you," Tyler stresses to Josh, shuffling himself around on the grass so that he's behind him and putting a hand on each of Josh's shoulders, slowly massaging with his thumbs. "She isn't worth another second of your time."

Josh leans his head right back to look at Tyler and kisses him upside down with a smile. 

"I know, baby. It just took a lot not to say something to her, but I'm okay. You wanna go watch X-Files?" he asks, still smiling, as he grabs his empty coffee cup. 

"Heck yes!" Tyler beams, picking his own mug up off the grass and standing. 

So long as another day of their week together isn't ruined by Debby, Tyler's up for anything. 

*****

"So, how fancy are we going this evening?" Josh calls to Tyler from his bedroom, and Tyler crawls out of the blanket fort to go investigate. 

They spent most of their afternoon on the floor in their fort watching 'The X-Files', with Josh occasionally gushing about aliens, but they have half an hour now until they have to be at Tyler's dorm room, and Josh has gone to change out of his baggy vest top into something more appropriate. 

Tyler smiles as he walks into the bedroom, taking in Josh's wild and unruly locks and a mountain of discarded clothes on the bed. 

"Jish, I don't think you can make bright pink hair look like normal, dinner going grown-up," he giggles, and Josh gives him a chuckle. "I dunno, just throw your black sweater on over your shirt and we can try and make your hair sit more... in one direction."

Josh laughs again, then rummages through his pile of clothes to throw on the plain black sweater Tyler suggested. They've agreed that Tyler would be smart to change his outfit at the dorm room, rather than wearing jeans that don't fit and shirts that are too big. After a fair amount of hairspray and Tyler running his fingers through it repeatedly, Josh's hair is finally doing what it's told. He leaves Tyler once his hair is in order, going to sit at the living room coffee table and roll a joint to take with them while Tyler pulls his vans back on, and then they head out. 

The drive feels like it takes mere seconds, Josh's hand no sooner gripping Tyler's thigh than it's being removed again, so they can leave the car outside the dorm building. It has only been three days, but Tyler feels like he hasn't been here in weeks. They head up the steps into the building, laughing as they wait for the elevator at the two notices Josh and Tyler inspired still pinned to the board. When they reach the dorm room door, Tyler has the good sense to knock this time, knowing Brendon and Ryan are in there alone. 

"Hello, children!" Brendon calls as he opens the door to them moments later. "I'm just finishing up getting ready here, gimme one sec," he says, heading back into the bathroom. 

As they walk into the room, Tyler sees Ryan sitting in Brendon's bed, reading a book Tyler recognises as 'Invisible Monsters' by Chuck Palahniuk. Tyler has read a few of his books, namely the novel that inspired Josh's favourite movie, 'Fight Club'. He's an author Tyler has always loved, but never really had anyone to talk to about. 

"Good book!" he smiles, sitting down on Brendon's bed next to Ryan. 

"Yeah, it really is!" Ryan chirps, folding over the corner of his page and closing the book. "It's one of my favourite novels, I've read it so many times. But it's given me an idea for a song, so I'm rereading it before I write."

"I'd love to hear it when you're done!" Tyler enthuses.

He wants to make an effort to get to know Ryan, for Brendon. It's the least he could do, what with all the help Brendon has given him in getting together with Josh, the effort he's put into getting to know him, always listening to Tyler's long winded stories of their time together. He deserves the same in return. 

"It'll probably be Brendon singing, he's joined our band! With me and a couple of my friends who go to Ohio State in Columbus. I used to sing, but Brendon's better," Ryan tells him, and Tyler gives him a sympathetic smile, knowing all too well what it's like to feel invalidated by Brendon's talent. 

"Do your band mates drive over from Columbus every time you have practice?" Tyler asks, and Ryan nods. 

"During the holidays when I'm back at my parents' house, it's easier, we all live pretty close by. But otherwise, yeah. That's why we only do full band practice once a week."

Tyler nods with another sympathetic look, "Yeah, Brendon and I are from Columbus. It's like, an hour and a half each way! That's dire!"

"Wait, you're from Columbus?!" Josh pipes up from across the room, pushing himself up from the wall he was leaning against and walking over to the bed. 

"Uhh, yeah! Since I was born," Tyler smiles at him, but Josh looks so surprised his eyebrows are halfway up his forehead. 

"No way! Me too! Born and raised," he laughs in disbelief. 

"You're kidding! Oh my God, we could have been friends all this time!" Tyler cries, a little devastated that he'd missed out on a possible childhood spent with Josh. 

"I dunno, you told me you were a basketball jock when you were younger. I was an angry little punk kid listening to metal music, I don't think you would have liked me much," Josh grins, biting his tongue between his teeth. 

"Don't be silly, Jishwa. I'd always like you, no matter what," Tyler smiles, standing up and leaning over to peck a little kiss on the tip of Josh's nose.

A retching noise from the bathroom doorway alerts Tyler to Brendon's reappearance.

"You ready to go?" Tyler inquires, and Brendon gives him a thumbs up as he moves to grab his shoes from the floor at the end of his bed. 

"By the way, Tyler, I see you've recently survived a vampire attack. I'm so glad you're still with us!" Brendon singsongs as he puts on his shoes, and Josh laughs. 

Tyler braces himself for the incoming torment that he's certain Brendon will provide, but suspiciously, none comes. 

"Hey, Brendon," Ryan calls from the bed, and Brendon looks up at him. "Everybody in this room is from Columbus!"

"What?!" Brendon shouts incredulously, "Josh, you too?!"

Josh nods with a smile, and Brendon throws his hands in the air. 

"How did we not meet you two?" Brendon shrills. "We could all have been hanging out this whole time!"

"That's what I said!" Tyler chimes in, walking towards the drawers that hold his clothes. 

"Hey, you should grab some clothes to bring back to mine with you while we're here," Josh advises as Tyler crosses the room. "I don't have enough clothes to let you keep stealing them," he chuckles, leaning in to press a kiss to Tyler's forehead. 

Tyler giggles as he lifts his red backpack up off the floor, tipping it upside down over his bed to empty it of its contents, then moving to his drawers to fill it with clothes. As he picks out pairs of jeans and shirts, Brendon moves to the kitchen to rummage in the cupboard and returns to discreetly pass Tyler a little brown bottle that rattles with pills. He had completely forgotten about his medication since being at Josh's. Perhaps the absence of his meds had contributed to his low mood on Sunday. 

He whispers a, "Thanks," that only Brendon can hear, and it's answered with a warm smile. Tyler feels so lucky, suddenly hit with thoughts of all the wonderful things he has. A best friend who might care about him more than his family does, a boyfriend he's head-over-heels in love with, he's made more new friends in these last few months than he has in years, he's going to see Josh performing live the next evening, he has so much to be thankful for. He's got more reasons to smile right now than he has done in a long time, and the feeling fills him up, bubbling through him. 

He feels alive, he feels like dancing through the forest and singing at the top of his lungs, he feels like skipping dinner at 'Zoe' to find another carnival with Josh. He physically shudders a little with the light, excited joy that inflates him. Shoving some underwear and socks into his backpack and lifting out a pair of black skinny jeans and a plain white button down to wear to dinner, he bumps the drawer with his hip to close it and heads to the bathroom to change, wincing a little. He'd forgotten about the plethora of bruises littering the skin of his hips, and pain is throbbing through them from the contact with the drawer. 

He shakes a couple of pills from the little brown bottle and fills a mug with water at the kitchen sink to swallow them, then throws the bottle into his backpack. He takes his button up and skinny jeans in his hands then, heading towards the bathroom to change.

"Back in a sec!" he calls to the others as he walks into the other room. 

He tugs off Josh's sweatpants and cat covered t-shirt, making sure to only put the sweatpants into his bag to take back to Josh's. He wants that cat t-shirt. He hurriedly tugs on his jeans, not even bothering to take off his shoes and having to yank the tight jeans on over them with a struggle, then shrugs on his shirt to button it to the top. Heading out of the bathroom to grab the hoody he stole from Josh after their adventure through the forest in a thunderstorm, he pulls it on and then throws his backpack over his shoulder. 

"Let's go!" he shouts to the other three.

"Yup, Autobots, roll out!" Brendon commands, moving to the dorm room door and holding open for Tyler, Josh and Ryan to leave, and locking it behind them. 

*****

They make their way down to the forest, Josh grabbing Tyler's hand as they walk across the green to the trees they're coming to know so well. 

"We should get, like, a sick living room set up for the woods," Josh muses as they walk, his face lighting up as he goes on. "We could go to, like, IKEA, pick out a coffee table and a rug and some couches, have a total bachelor pad in the forest."

"If we buy, like, two hundred extension cords and a stereo, I'm pretty sure I could hook us up with electricity from the dorm room," Brendon adds, turning around and grinning as he walks backwards. 

"Sick! We could even get, like, a gazebo or something to cover everything from the rain!" Josh babbles, seeming to take the idea more seriously with every word. 

"Fuck yes! It'll be like a rent free apartment! I call dibs on the couch seat right in front of the TV," Brendon calls out, jumping a little as he continues walking backwards to face Josh. 

"Deal, I call dibs on the beanbag chair," Josh comes back and Brendon lets out a shout of laughter. 

"Beanbag chairs, genius! We can get some sweet art to hang on nails on the trees too! The interior design will be impeccable, wait, would that be exterior design?" Brendon laughs, Josh joining in. 

Paying no attention to his feet, Brendon doesn't see the dip in the ground coming up behind him, and Tyler decides not to let him know. Just as Tyler had known he would, he loses his footing as one of his feet dips into the pothole, and he ends up hitting the dirt on his back with a loud 'thump'. Tyler bursts out laughing while Ryan rushes over to help Brendon up, looking concerned. 

Honestly, Tyler is just glad for a change of subject, a distraction from the conversation that had been playing out. He's still reluctant to even bring Brendon down to the outskirts of his and Josh's forest. He hadn't wanted to share it in the first place, and now Brendon is talking about taking it away from him. He realises he's being selfish and childish, but the trees just seem so incredibly important to him, he's not prepared to let his and Josh's woods become his, Josh's, Brendon's _and_ Ryan's. He knows if Brendon sees what Josh has carved into the tree by their waterfall, he would torment them relentlessly, and he won't let what is the most romantic gestures anyone has ever shown him become a joke. 

Brendon jumps back up to his feet, dusting himself off with a laugh. Ryan is still making a fuss of him as they head back on their path towards the trees at the edge of campus. 

"I'm fine!" Brendon laughs to Ryan. "I guess people walk forwards for a reason, though."

As they reach the edge of the line of trunks that mark the start of the woods, Josh removes the joint he rolled from behind his ear and lets go of Tyler's hand to dig in his pocket for a lighter. As he lights it, the conversation turns to music. 

"So, Josh, do you have any shows left to play?" Brendon asks as Josh exhales a huge cloud of smoke. 

"Yeah, just one more. Tyler's coming," he grins at Tyler as he says this, taking his hand to intertwine their fingers again. "The Athens show tomorrow night is the last one I'm doing. It should be fun!" 

He takes another draw of the joint and passes it over to Brendon on his left, who takes a draw before he speaks, his words coming out as puffs of smoke. 

"Are there any tickets left? It'd be cool to see you play!" he asks, and Tyler has to bite his tongue. 

Again, it feels like Brendon is taking Josh from him. He was so looking forward to seeing Josh play, for it to be an intimate moment between them despite being in a crowded room. He wants to get lost in watching Josh play, not deal with Brendon's snarky comments all evening. As much as he loves his best friend, he has more fun with Josh when Brendon's not around. 

"Yeah, I'm sure I could hook you guys up if you want!" Josh smiles at them, and gives Tyler's hand a squeeze with the next line, "Tyler's gonna be backstage, but I can't really bring any more people back there. It's kind of a small venue and there are a lot of guys, but I'm sure I could get you guys tickets."

"Yeah, man, that'd be sick!" Brendon replies, coining a term Josh uses so often. 

Tyler instantly feels much better. He'll get to watch Josh play from the sidelines, he won't have to worry about being jostled and shoved by the sweaty strangers standing in front of the stage, he'll get to see Josh as soon as he walks offstage. He suddenly can't wait for the next evening to come. 

Brendon pulls Tyler from his thoughts, making a grand announcement, "Everybody, please be kind to Ryan, he's about to get stoned for the first time and he'll probably make an idiot of himself!" 

Ryan blushes a little and shoves Brendon with a shy smile as he takes the joint from his hand and holds it awkwardly in his fingers. Josh lets go of Tyler's hand, then he and Brendon go about showing Ryan exactly how to take a draw as Tyler looks on. It reminds him of the first time he ever smoked, on the couch of a frat house living room, lying in Josh's arms. 

Ryan chokes just as much as Tyler had with his first few draws, coughing long and hard while Brendon laughs at him and pats his back. Ryan gets the hang of it quicker than Tyler did, though, managing to hold in his coughs on his second draw, and taking a third without flinching. 

The joint is passed over to Tyler, and he takes it from Ryan's outstretched fingers with a smile. For all his internal complaints and worries over bringing Brendon and Ryan out to their little patch of trees, he could certainly be here with much worse people. He should be thankful for his friends, for having more people in his life that care about him now than ever, for finding new people that he can be himself around. He decides to force himself to lighten up a little, pushing his jealous thoughts to the back of his mind where all his doubts and insecurities go, already feeling the hazy floating sensation of the weed in his mind after only a few drags. 

"So, I haven't seen you around campus, Josh. How did you two meet?" Ryan asks with an innocent smile after a moment of silence. 

Tyler and Josh glance at one another, both of them holding in smirks, and Tyler gives him an almost unnoticeable nod, letting him take this one. 

"It was at a P. Diddy meet and greet. Tyler and I are both super fans," Josh starts, and Tyler hums in agreement, both of them keeping perfectly straight faces. "We'd been standing in line for hours, we both got there at six thirty in the morning, we were just so stoked, you know?"

Ryan listens intently, drinking in Josh's words. Tyler catches a baffled look on Brendon's face that says he's about to chime in, and Tyler shakes his head very slightly, telling him to play along, before turning his attention back to Josh's story. 

"So it gets to about five in the evening, only a couple of hours to go before we meet our idol, and I haven't eaten all day long so I start feeling really faint. Tyler and I had this, kind of-"

"Competitive spirit?" Tyler offers, passing him the joint, and Josh nods with a ghost of a smile. 

"Yeah, like there was this tension between us. Like, who's the biggest Diddy fan, y'know?" Josh goes on.

"Diddlers. That's what we called ourselves," Tyler cuts in again and he can see the strain on Josh's face with the effort it's taking him not to laugh. 

"Right! So we had this, like, unspoken Diddler competition going on between us the whole day. But, right, so, I'm about to faint, and just as I'm falling, Tyler catches me in his arms and takes me to TB to feed me a cheesy gordita crunch. We didn't even get to meet Diddy because he was taking me to Taco Bell, and we've been together ever since," Josh finishes. 

"Actually, most of the music I've written to this day has been about that first time we met," Tyler adds, before finally dissolving into laughter, Josh joining him. 

Brendon actually leans down to remove one of his shoes, just so he has something to throw at Tyler. 

"You two are such dorks!" he laughs after launching his shoe at Tyler and narrowly missing his head. "Sorry, Ry. They're like this. You'll get used to it," he smiles apologetically to Ryan, before hobbling across the grass to get his shoe back. 

Tyler makes a run for it and reaches the shoe before Brendon does, picking it up and throwing it to Josh. Joint hanging out of his mouth, Josh catches it, and they play a brief game of piggy in the middle with an outraged Brendon before Josh ends the game by passing Brendon his shoe. 

"You two are the absolute worst," he grumbles, sticking his shoe back on. "Tyler Joseph, when you get back home, you're grounded, young lady," he scolds, moving to snatch the joint from Josh's mouth. 

"You took off your shoe to _throw it at me_ , you jerk!" Tyler laughs, shaking his head. "If I did that, you'd threaten to take my phone charger!"

"No, no, that was only for that one time when you came back covered in Josh's hair dye and you had a shower before you told me everything that happened," Brendon shoots back with a shit-eating grin, and Tyler blushes furiously. 

"You butthole," he mutters to Brendon, but he can hear Josh laughing behind him. 

The joint gets passed around for another few minutes, along with laughter and jokes, until it finally burns down to the cardboard roach and Josh flicks it into the trees. 

"We ready to go?" he asks, and Brendon and Tyler nod while Ryan just giggles to himself. 

While he handled himself well during the actual smoking of the joint, the after effects seem to have hit him hard. He's been finding absolutely everything incredibly amusing and keeps talking about how big his hands are. Brendon seems to find it absolutely adorable, but Tyler is just a tad concerned about the somewhat fancy establishment they're about to have dinner in. They're already dining with Brendon, an automatic risk of being kicked out, but with a ceaselessly giggling Ryan in tow, it's doubtful they'll even be allowed to sit down. 

*****

They somehow, miraculously, manage to get a table at the restaurant when they arrive. Ryan is still quietly giggling to himself, and his eyes are, as Brendon put it, "as red as the devil's dick."

They order their drinks, Tyler and Josh both opting for Red Bulls while Brendon and Ryan order vodkas. Tyler really doesn't think vodka is a good option for Ryan, remembering the state five beers got him into after his first joint, but he doesn't say anything. Ryan's sobriety is a Brendon problem, not a Tyler problem. 

Brendon has been filling up on bread as they wait for a server to come and take their orders, single handedly making his way through most of the basket of complimentary rolls sitting on their table. As always, Tyler is reminded of a snake engulfing an entire antelope in one mouthful as he eats. After swallowing about half of his fourth roll in one go, he announces that he needs to use "the little boy's room", and insists Tyler joins him. 

They leave their seats, Tyler giving him an inquisitive look until they get through the door of the bathroom, then Brendon rounds on him. 

"Tyler, what happened?! Are you okay?" he asks, looking concerned. 

"What? I'm fine. What are you taking about?" Tyler asks, still looking puzzled. 

Brendon gives him a glare, as if he thinks Tyler is playing dumb with him, and then gestures to Tyler's throat. 

"That! On your neck. What happened? I wanted to ask earlier but we were never alone. That looks like a handprint. Is Josh hurting you?!" there's anger in his voice now, and his brows furrow with his words. 

"Well, I mean, kinda," Tyler shuffles under Brendon's gaze, "but in a good way! I mean, like, you _know_ he would never hit me or anything. This is Josh we're talking about. Just, there was this Hallowe'en party, God I have _so much_ to tell you. But yeah, we had, like, angry sex I guess."

Tyler blushes as Brendon breaks out into a huge grin and yells at the top of his lungs, "TYLER JOSEPH, YOU KINKY SLUT!"

A middle aged man standing at the urinal glares at them over his shoulder, and Tyler grabs Brendon by the hand to yank him back out of the bathroom. 

He hauls him back over to their table, muttering, "No more yelling, butt hat!" in Brendon's ear. 

Only when Tyler sees Josh's eyes lingering on their clasped hands does he let go of Brendon and hurry to take his seat beside his boyfriend again. Josh moves his hand down to rest on Tyler's thigh as they sit at the table, glancing at Tyler every now and then with a little smile. Tyler still isn't used to seeing him with pink hair yet, still isn't accustomed to how wonderful it looks. It somehow manages to make his smile even brighter, make his laughter sound even better. Tyler thinks Josh should stay pink forever. 

A waitress comes to take their order after a few more minutes waiting, and Josh decides to order the same vegan spicy peanut stew as Tyler with a smile. The sign of solidarity means the world to him in a restaurant with three quarters of the menu taken up by meat, and he gives Josh a little kiss on the cheek as he orders. 

"The cows say thanks," he whispers in Josh's ear with a giggle as the waitress walks away, and Brendon makes another retching sound from the other side of the table.

"You two are literally disgusting, I am going to vomit," he complains, screwing up his face at them. "Did you see that girl's tits, though? They were massive!" 

Josh bursts out laughing at his second sentence, but this time Tyler screws up his face. 

"And you're calling us disgusting?!" he cries. 

"Aw c'mon, Ty, they were heeuuuuge," Josh laughs, and Tyler looks appalled. "How could you not have noticed them? They were right in your face!"

"The only boobs I've ever touched are my mom's," Tyler blurts out without even thinking. 

Brendon, Ryan and Josh all just gape at him.

"Oh. Oh, God! No, no, I mean when I was a baby! Oh, God," he babbles, hiding his bright red, blushing face in his hands. 

The other three burst out laughing as he groans a little into his palms, wishing a hole would appear in the ground under him and swallow him up. They spend at least five minutes making 'yo mamma' jokes that all end with a punchline about Tyler's incestuous ways and Oedipus complex, until eventually the conversation shifts back to music again. 

Their food arrives and Josh and Brendon are still in a heated discussion about their favourite albums as kids, talking about bands like 'NOFX' and 'Rage Against the Machine' that Tyler never listened to. Brendon's breaking down an air guitar solo to a song they both love, when Tyler finally interrupts. 

"Josh is my fren, Brendon. Git your own," he snaps, although there's no real heat behind it. 

Josh chuckles as he goes back to his food. 

"Jealousy looks ugly on you, Tyler," Brendon grins at him, and Tyler sticks his tongue out at him. 

"Your mom's ugly," he shoots back lamely. 

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK, GRACE URIE IS A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN AND A SAINT," he bellows, turning a few heads at the tables around them. "But funny that you would bring up mothers..."

Tyler groans as the three of them launch into another round of Tyler-touches-his-mom's-boobs jokes. Tyler decides to join in on the jokes after a while, knowing his self-depreciation will take all the fun out of torturing him, and they eventually stop after a few more minutes. 

Ryan seems incredibly easy to get along with, if a little quiet and shy. Eating food seems to have brought him back down from his high, and he sits shovelling fries into his mouth as Tyler, Brendon and Josh joke. Even though he's screamed in front of other diners twice during the course of the evening, Brendon is actually on pretty good behaviour for the evening, not making a scene other than those two outbursts. 

After they finish their meals, Brendon and Josh both want to get dessert, where Ryan and Tyler are both full, and so they decide to split a Baked Alaska between them. Jealousy fires up in Tyler's chest as he watches them eat their ice cream together, talking animatedly to one another. Of course, he should be delighted that the two most important people in his life outside of his family are getting along so wonderfully. Of course, he should be thankful to have two people he loves so much both love him and love one another too. Of course, all of these things should be positive. But all Tyler can think is that Brendon is stealing him. He simultaneously wants to share Josh with the world and also keep him all to himself. 

When they finally finish up their dessert, Josh's hand still on Tyler's thigh, as it has been all night, Brendon tells them that he actually is paying for dinner. Josh and Tyler try to protest, but he won't hear a word of it. The busty waitress comes back over with a receipt and some mints, and this time Tyler realises that in fact, she really _does_ have massive breasts. He doesn't dare bring it up again, for fear of further torment about his relationship with his mother. 

When Brendon has payed and they've all gathered their belongings, Josh leads them all out to his car to leave Brendon and Ryan back to the dorm building, but on their way out of the restaurant he leans over to Tyler with a little smirk and a glint in his eye, to whisper something in his ear. 

"I want to show you something before we go back home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This picture inspired the Tyler's-mom's-boobs scenario in the restaurant, so thanks to Sarah Urie for that. 
> 
> https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B1fkorgCQAA919a?format=jpg&name=large


	26. Climbing Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for being so shitty with updates recently. Writer's block, yo. Or a thinly veiled excuse for being a hideous procrastinator. I have all the ideas in my head, it's just the actual wrestling with them to get them from my brain to the page. 
> 
> Also, I swear to God Josh's show was supposed to be in this one, but I've already rambled on for 4K words and I didn't want to double that. Sorry 'bout it. Next one for sure tho! Haha.

Josh drives Brendon and Ryan back to the dorm building, leaving them right up to the front door of the building. Brendon leans forward from the back seat before he gets out of the car, wrapping his arms around Tyler from behind, chair and all, for a tight, squeezing hug. 

"Goodnight, you guys! Behave, have fun, and don't do anything I wouldn't do," Brendon grins, opening the back door of the car to get out into the cold, November air. 

"So we can pretty much do absolutely anything, then?" Tyler giggles. 

"Except heroin!" Brendon calls as he shuts the door behind him. 

"Aw man! There go my plans for the evening," Josh shouts through Tyler's window as he rolls it down, and they all laugh. 

They wave their farewells, shouting goodbyes to one another, then Brendon and Ryan disappear into the foyer, and Josh pulls away. 

"So, where are you taking me to do heroin, then?" Tyler snickers. 

"It's a surprise! You'll see. Also, I forgot the heroin, but I do have juice boxes in the trunk?" he smiles, Tyler giggling again. 

"Bustin' out the hard stuff! And you're driving, that is totally punk rock. Pink hair has changed you, Josh," he teases, and Josh gives him a wheezy chuckle. 

They drive in the quiet for a little while, Josh with a hand on Tyler's thigh, until he's pulling over on the sidewalk. It seems as though everywhere they go is within five minutes' driving distance of the college grounds. Tyler looks out the window to see what looks like a building site beside them. He can see the foundations of an office building rising up from the ground, and a galvanised fence surrounding the area. 

"Let's go!" Josh calls, patting Tyler on the thigh, then unbuckling his seatbelt to get out of the car. 

Tyler follows suit, intrigued. Josh waits for him to circle around the car, then takes his hand and leads him towards the metal fence running around the site. 

"Seriously, where are you taking me? This seems like the perfect place to do heroin. Or commit a murder," Tyler laughs as they walk. 

"You'll see! Just trust me," Josh replies, reaching a panel of fencing that has been bent out, forming a hole that he fits himself through, then he turns to help Tyler through. He's clearly been here before, knowing exactly where they're going as he takes Tyler's hand again and leads him down a dirt path. The terrain is uneven beneath their feet, marked by the tyre tracks of large vehicles. Tyler looks up as they walk, taking in the night sky. It's cool and crisp, the sky clear of clouds and the early winter air biting and cold, but Josh radiates heat beside him. No stars are visible, with the pollution of street lights rife in the city around them, but the moon shines brightly above them, lighting their way a little in the dark. 

Eventually, Josh pulls him to a stop beside a huge crane that towers far above them. A ladder runs from the ground right to the very top of the structure, and Tyler is overcome by the gnawing urge to scale it. 

"I know you like climbing things," Josh grins in the dark, and excitement builds in Tyler's chest. "I totally forgot about this place, it's been deserted for a year now, but we drove past on our way here, and I thought you might like to see it."

Wordlessly, Tyler presses a kiss to Josh's lips. Josh, who has no idea how perfect everything he does always is, who has no clue just how much he is exactly everything Tyler needs all at once. As Tyler moves to place his hands on the ladder and start scaling the 150 foot, metal contraption, Josh comes up behind him and rests a hand on his shoulder. 

"I'll be coming right after you, but please, Ty, just be careful, okay?" he sighs. 

"I promise. I haven't fallen climbing anything yet, I'm not looking to make a crane the first thing I fall off," Tyler giggles, hoisting himself up onto the first rung of the ladder to start ascending. 

"Don't even joke!" comes Josh's voice from behind him.

They climb for minutes, Tyler only pausing once he's reached fifty rungs up to take a breather. He turns himself around where he's standing, clutching the safety railing beside him, to look down at how far he's come. He's far enough from the ground now that he'd break bones if he let go and plummeted down, and he's only a third of the way up. 

"Tyler, be careful," Josh yells out from below, looking up from his rung about twenty below Tyler's. 

He turns himself around again on the ladder and continues his ascent, powering through the burning pain in his limbs as he climbs, until finally the metal levels out in front of him. He's already panting, but his breath is truly taken away by the view before him. 

Lights crawl out in every direction, a vast star glowing around the hub of the city, sending trails of streets lamps and car headlights into the distance until darkness finally takes a hold. The silhouettes of hills and forests create a black frame around all the bright, busy life of the town below. Tyler turns again to sit at the top of the ladder and wait for Josh to catch up, drinking in the sights around him. 

"This is sick as _frick_ ," he grins as Josh reaches him at the top of the crane. 

Tyler stands again to let Josh climb up and join him, an arm out to either side for balance as he carefully walks his feet, one in front of the other, along a metal beam that shoots out over the building site. 

"Please, please, just be careful," Josh implores, hauling himself up to balance on the beam with Tyler. 

As he looks down at all the lives being lived below him, Tyler has never felt further away from all his problems. He could stay up here for the rest of his life and none of the people below would be any the wiser. It makes him feel so free, lightened of any worries, he feels like he could fly. As he ponders, the ever present voice in the back of his mind lets itself be known once more, telling him to, 'just jump, it would be so easy, it would all be over so fast,' but for the first time in as long as he can remember, Tyler isn't even tempted to listen. 

As he timidly makes his way further and further along the branching metal that juts out over the ground below, he starts to sing a song that's been forming in his mind for weeks. 

"Down in the forest, we'll sing a chorus, one that everybody knows," he sings out into the night air, then he takes a deep breath to scream as loud as he can, at the top of his lungs, "hands held higher, we'll be on _fire_ , singing songs that nobody wrote."

He pauses to listen to his voice echoing against buildings in the streets below, and he hears Josh chuckling from behind him. 

"This would be a great place for a gig," Josh laughs. "I mean, you'd need some hefty speakers, but you could fit a hundred thousand people down there. Plus, you'd seem super edgy," he grins with his tongue between his teeth. 

Tyler smiles back at him, watching him take a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, tap one from the box, place it between his lips and light it. Sitting there, backlit by the moon, a cloud of smoke surrounding him and the sprawling lights of the city below him, Josh looks like a photograph. Like a staged, pseudo-candid image taken to adorn a gallery wall. It doesn't seem like real life up here; Tyler standing with his perfect boyfriend at the top of a crane, and a stunning view of the city. It feels like a dream, all a little too good to be true. 

He makes his way back along the metal beam to where Josh sits, lowering himself down beside him. 

"You see that big, old fashioned building in the distance, with the towers either side?" Josh asks, pointing to a building that Tyler spots with a nod. "That's the Ridges. We should totally go there. It used to be the Athens Insane Asylum. It's part of the university now, but the top floor has stayed the same as it was back then, when it was still a mental hospital. There's graffiti on the walls that says, 'Leave before they harvest your corpse,' and this woman-shaped stain on the floor from a dead body they didn't find for months!" Josh is talking animatedly and gesturing wildly with excitement, but Tyler recoils. 

"Jish, I don't wanna go in there, it sounds really scary!" he whines. 

"Aw, baby, we don't have to! But it's incredible up there. And you _know_ I'll protect you if any spooky ghosts show up. I got your back," Josh chuckles, and Tyler smiles back. 

"How do you find these places?!" he asks, a little amazed by the destinations Josh has shown him so far. 

"Well, my buddy, Jack, brought me up here first," Josh explains. "We met in the record store, and I guess he likes to climb too. Then I found out about the Ridges from Hayley. She had a class in there last year, and she was told about all the creepy stuff up top by other students. It was one of my favourite places in Athens for a while, the graveyard and everything. It's so sick."

"We can totally go," Tyler grins, kissing Josh on the cheek, and Josh replies only with a massive grin. 

His unironic enthusiasm would be enough to sway Tyler on almost any decision. He watches Josh take the last few draws of the cigarette he's holding, then flick it off the side of the crane, both of them following it to the ground with their eyes. After a few more moments of silence, staring at the city around them, Josh puts a hand on Tyler's shoulder. 

"Alright, Ty, let's get back home," he urges, moving back towards the ladder, and Tyler shuffles after him. 

The descent is much easier than the way up had been. It takes half the time for the two of them to get back down to solid ground, Josh jumping down the last few feet and Tyler following, deliberately jumping straight into him. 

"Ow!" Josh shouts, but he's laughing. 

Tyler grabs his hand and tugs him along down the path, looking back up to see just how high they had been only minutes before. It makes Tyler dizzy, looking up so far his head is practically bending backwards as they walk. 

"That was the best cigarette break ever," he smiles to Josh as he straightens his head back up. "Thank you so much for bringing me here."

"Of course," Josh turns to look at him, returning the smile. "Everywhere is more fun when you're there."

Tyler snorts and shoves Josh with his shoulder, glad for the darkness of the path as it hides the blush on his cheeks at his words. They walk for another minute before they're reaching and climbing through the hole in the fence again. Tyler's mind shifts to their plans for the following evening as they get back into the car, the fact that he'll get to stare longingly at Josh while he plays his drums, maybe even drool a little, and not be judged for it. 

He's really looking forward to the next night, now. It had been a source of much nervous energy and anxiety for Tyler over the last couple of weeks, ever since Josh had asked if he'd like to come. Tyler had worried so much, about being in the crowd on his own, about getting lost amongst the sea of people that would fill the venue, about having to interact with a crowd full of strangers. Now that he knows he'll be removed from all of that, that he'll get to stay in the sidelines, off stage, he just desperately wants to watch Josh play, already. 

"Hey, you mind if we sleep in the actual bed tonight?" Josh asks as he drives them back to the apartment. "Just I don't wanna wake up tomorrow with pulled muscles or a crick in my neck."

"Of course not! In fact, an actual mattress and not just some blankets on the floor sounds totally great right now," Tyler giggles and Josh smiles. 

It doesn't take long for them to get back home, Josh grabbing his duvet and pillows from the living room floor as soon as they get in and taking Tyler to the bedroom with an armful of bedding. They quickly tug off their clothing, both diving under the blankets in just their underwear after a hastily fought battle with t-shirts and jeans. Josh's arms go around Tyler the minute they're in the bed, and he sighs as he curls up into his chest. Tyler could quite easily lie there, feeling their skin pressed together, for the rest of his life. 

"Thank you again, for this evening. That was really magic. I love you," Tyler smiles sleepily as Josh presses a kiss into his forehead. 

"You're welcome, Ty. I love you too. G'night," he hushes, reaching over to turn off his bedside lamp, then cuddling back into Tyler again. 

*****

Tyler wakes up before Josh does on Tuesday morning, and Tyler decides to pull him out of his dreams with kisses all over his face, just like Josh had done to him the previous morning. 

"Hey," comes Josh's croaky, morning voice, grinning as he opens his eyes and stretches. 

"Hi," Tyler chirps, throwing himself back down on Josh's chest. 

"What do you want for breakfast this morning?" Josh asks, his fingers absentmindedly twiddling a strand of Tyler's hair. "I'm pretty sure I've still got some panks in the kitchen."

Tyler giggles at the word. "What do _you_ want for breakfast, Jishwa?" he counters.

"I could go for, like, an entire box of C T Crunch, honestly," Josh grins, his tongue between his teeth. 

"That sounds perfect!" Tyler smirks up at him. 

After a few more minutes of cuddling, they tear themselves from the bed to pad into the kitchen, Josh immediately putting on a pot of coffee. They each have a bowl of cereal, with milk at first, as they talk excitedly about the show that evening. Their bowls quickly devolve into the two of them eating handfuls of cereal, dry, straight from the box. Their mugs of coffee soon go forgotten as they cram more and more Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal into their mouths, ending up in a competition to see who can fit the most in at once. Josh ends up getting his wish, they eat the entire box. 

Once Josh had taken the bag out of the cereal box, to pour the remaining cinnamon sugar into his mouth, he goes to take a sip of his drink and makes a face. 

"My coffee got cold," he complains, pouting his lower lip a little. 

"So heat it up in the microwave, stoopid!" Tyler giggles, and Josh beams at him. 

"Gosh, Ty, you're so smart!" he smiles, waltzing over to the microwave on the kitchen counter and placing his cup inside. 

"I know," Tyler singsongs, making his way into the living room.

Ducking under a blanket to sit himself down in front of the TV in the blanket fort, Tyler turns on the television to watch more of the 'My Strange Addiction' show they had enjoyed so much on Saturday evening. This time, the episode is about a 'crazy cat lady' who brushes her pets' casting hair, then wads the hair into balls and eats them. 

"Jishwa, git in here! There's a woman on TV who eats her cats' fur!" Tyler calls out, and he hears Josh's laughter before he appears in the fort beside him, taking a seat on the floor next to Tyler with a now steaming mug of coffee. 

"In fairness, I prolly eat my cats' hair all the time. It gets on _everything_ , I wouldn't be surprised if there's some in here," Josh smirks as he lifts his coffee cup, then takes a sizeable sip. 

Josh's reaction after swallowing is delayed. At first, he simply looks at Tyler, slowly screwing up his face. Tyler smiles at the adorable expression, thinking it's just 'Josh being Josh.' That is, until Josh lets out an incredibly loud screech, like a Native American going into war, the pitch of which reaches a height Tyler had thought Josh's vocal range incapable of.

"Oh, shoot, are you alright?" Tyler asks, a hand instinctively moving to rub circles into Josh's back. 

Josh holds out a hand in a 'thumbs up', still wincing. "I mean, I think I just blistered my oesophagus with scalding hot coffee, but otherwise I'm great!"

Tyler can't help but laugh at him. 

"At least you don't have to worry about singing tonight!" he offers with a giggle. "Although, that high note was _impressive_!"

Josh laughs, swallowing hard, "I'm gonna have to head over to the bar early for rehearsals with the guys this afternoon, but I can leave you back to your dorm and you can come with Brendon later? Otherwise you'd just be hanging around on your own for a couple hours."

"Yeah, that's cool," Tyler replies, a little disappointed at the prospect of a few hours without Josh. 

Already, he feels like he can't be without his boyfriend. He needs Josh around him at all times, doesn't want them to spend a single second apart. How is he going to deal with the end of this week, when Josh returns to work and he has to get back to classes? Tyler decides to press the thoughts to the back of his mind. He still has four days of Josh's company to enjoy left. Well, three and a half. He can deal with the breakdown when it comes to it, but for now he's just going to drink in their time together. 

"They've started putting the mics a couple feet away from my drums now," Josh laughs and Tyler raises a questioning eyebrow. "They told me I was drumming too hard and I was drowning out the rest of the music. That's why they tried to find someone else, Tim told me in rehearsals a couple weeks ago."

Suddenly, Tyler holds no resentment towards the band anymore. It wasn't that they hadn't thought Josh good enough to drum for them, it was that they had realised he was _too good_. 

*****

"I love you, I miss you, I'll see you soon!" Josh gushes, pressing kisses onto Tyler's cheeks and lips as he gets ready to leave the car and head into his dorm building. 

Tyler still has a couple of hours to wait before he'll be leaving with Brendon, and it's upsetting his stomach a little to know he'll be without Josh, missing out on hours of watching him play. He knows that he can't really be around for hours of band rehearsal, however, so he gathers himself, giving Josh a last kiss on the lips, and opens the passenger door. 

"You are gonna do so good, Jishwa. I'll miss you too, see ya in a few hours!" he cheers to Josh before shutting the car door and watching him pull away. 

Trying his best to pull himself together and not spiral into a depression on account of being separated from Josh for a mere two hours, Tyler trudges up the steps and into the building. He takes the elevator up to his dorm room floor, feeling all of a sudden drained of all his energy and excitement due to the absence of his boyfriend. He feeds off Josh's energy so intensely, just a minute spent with him can have Tyler riding the highest highs of his life. As wonderful as that is, it also comes with crashing lows when he's on his own. 

Tyler briefly recognises how sickening he's being. He's gone almost twenty years on his own, the next hundred and twenty minutes are surely doable. Steeling himself, urging himself to make it through the next couple of hours like a sane person, he knocks on the dorm room door. 

"It's open!" Brendon calls from inside, and Tyler pushes the door open. 

He finds a Ryanless Brendon sat at his desk, tapping away at his laptop keys. He pauses when Tyler walks in, face lighting up when he sees him. 

"Hi! My God, I don't remember us ever going so long without being alone together, TELL ME ABOUT HALLOWE'EN!" he yells, slamming his laptop closed. 

Tyler laughs at this, then goes to sit cross legged on Brendon's bed, his friend joining him at the foot of the bed. He starts right in with meeting Debby at the record store, embellishing his story a little so that had her hands all over Josh and leaving out the barfing-in-the-record-store-bathroom part. Brendon's expression grows darker and darker as Tyler recounts the tale of the Hallowe'en party, of Debby being there in her skin tight rubber catsuit, of her taking Josh into an empty bedroom. 

"Oh my God!" Brendon cries when Tyler has finished telling him that he flipped Debby off as she left the bedroom. "I wish you'd punched her! I wanna punch her..."

Tyler laughs as Brendon's face twists up in anger, his eyebrows furrowing. 

"So, wait, what happened next?" Brendon asks, and Tyler feels a blush rising on his cheeks. "Did she leave the party?"

"Umm, I dunno. We kind of left right after, and uhh... We were in Josh's car, and umm..." Tyler stumbles, and Brendon's face switches entirely, a huge grin on his face now. 

"Oh my God, is that when Josh assaulted you?" he cackles. "Because he was really mad about that bitch?"

Tyler nods with a slight smile, and Brendon hoots with laughter. 

"Oh my God! In his car?! Oh my God! Where?!" he's practically bouncing up and down on the bed as he fires questions at Tyler, and his excitement is infectious. 

"There was this office building, I don't even know where. This empty car park beside an office building, like right in the corner," he giggles, and Brendon's eyes go wide as he laughs. 

"Tyler, you _dog_ , oh my God! Imagine what your mother would say! Good, clean little Tyler out getting fucked in parking lots," he bursts out laughing again, but Tyler's laughter stops. 

He blanches a little, stomach twisting at the idea. Brendon's right, his mother would be horrified if she knew what her son was getting up to at college. 

"Don't even joke," Tyler mutters, eyebrows creasing with worry. 

"Hey! Hey, I was kidding, T-bag. You know that!" Brendon grins, putting a hand on Tyler's knee. "Your mom loves you, you know that too. And I love you, and I'm your _real_ mom, anyway. The mom you can talk to about your kinky butt sex," he dissolves into laughter again, and Tyler joins him this time. 

"I'm going to Josh's mom's house for dinner in a couple of days," Tyler tells him, and Brendon suddenly sits up straight, gaping. 

"Holy shit! Oh my God, Tyler, you're meeting his mom?!" he hushes, his expression deadly serious.

"Jesus Christ, Beebo, you're doing a really crappy job of, like, consoling me and helping me not feel anxious about mom stuff right now," Tyler complains, his stomach twisting again at his words. 

"No, no Tyler, that's great! That's so great, I'm just excited for you! He must really like you, y'know," Brendon smiles, and Tyler grins at him. 

"Yeah, I think so," he hums, lying back on the bed. He knows so.


	27. Watching

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, two updates in 24 hours!
> 
> Also, apparently the reading level of my writing has gone from 15 year olds to 18 year olds. I know you don't care, but I'm so proud :3

Ryan doesn't show up until about ten minutes before they're due to leave for the gig. Tyler is getting ready to head out, tugging on his 'JOSH'S BOY FREN' sweater that he'd decided to bring with him. He'll most likely get much too warm, but it can't hurt. They'll be in a sweaty room filled with strangers, all staring at Josh while he plays. The constant, glaring reminder that he's taken emblazoned on Tyler's torso won't do any harm. 

Brendon rolls his eyes with a snort as he reads the slogan printed across Tyler's sweatshirt, and Tyler grins. 

"It came in handy!" he smiles to Brendon. "Debby walked past us in the street while I was wearing it. She got so mad," he grins, looking pleased. 

"Okay, on those grounds alone, I'll allow it," Brendon chuckles, tugging on some shoes. 

While he and Ryan get themselves ready, Tyler sits down briefly at his laptop, deciding to order Josh a present with some of the money he still has left over from his mother's offerings to pay for Shakespearian plays. He feels a little guilty as he spends it, imagining her disapproval to learn that her money had gone on paying for a gift for her eldest son's secret boyfriend, but he pushes the thought away to the rapidly shrinking space in the back of his mind for things that are to be worried about at a later date. Almost as soon as he makes the payment, Brendon is corralling them out of the room through the door. 

On the drive to the venue, Tyler's nerves kick in again. He doesn't understand why, he's watched Josh play so many times now, but something about that night in particular feels different. Tyler almost feels as though he's going to hear Josh drum for the first time all over again. The idea of watching Josh perform rather than practice all seems very new and exciting. Ryan and Brendon chatter away to one another in the front of the car as Tyler sits in a pool of nervous energy in the backseat, watching houses and cars pass by out the window. 

When they arrive, on Josh's instruction, Tyler heads to the front of the small queue at the doors of the venue and gives their names to a burly, intimidating looking bouncer who shows them right in. After a few muttered sentences with the bouncer, a member of staff offers to show Tyler backstage while Brendon and Ryan head towards the bar room to order vodkas. Brendon gives Tyler a brief, reassuring smile over his shoulder before heading through the doors, hand in hand with Ryan. Tyler feels like he could be sick. 

"Right this way," says the girl waiting to show Tyler to the backstage area. 

He smiles meekly, taking a shaky breath, before following her through a side door. They head through dank, claustrophobic corridors lined with the doors of store closets and staff rooms, the air feeling thick and damp as Tyler draws in deep breaths. In and out, in and out, just like his doctor always used to say. They stop outside a wooden door at the end of a corridor, and Tyler can feel his heart beating wildly in his throat. 

"The band's right in there," the girl smiles, turning to leave him right away. 

He stands there for a few seconds, for some reason terrified to enter. Tyler takes a moment to steady himself, trying to get a grip. He isn't performing, he doesn't have to go out on stage, Josh has done this plenty of times before, why is he so anxious? Lifting a trembling hand, Tyler knocks on the door and waits, holding his breath. 

Josh answers the door, dressed in all black; skinny jeans, a t-shirt, black hi-tops and a backwards cap. It could be because he was wearing it in work when Tyler first met him, but he always thinks Josh looks best wearing all black. The huge grin that forms on his face when he sees Tyler makes any anxiety he was feeling evaporate. 

"Hey, Ty!" he beams, pulling Tyler into a hug, and everything feels okay again. 

Josh leads Tyler into the room, where he greets the other band members and Tim's girlfriend, Stephanie. There's an air of nervous excitement in the room, conversations quiet and terse, as they prepare to perform. Josh seems the most laid back of all of them, keeping up the calm composure that Tyler has only seen him drop once or twice. He brings Tyler over to sit on a couch against the wall, absentmindedly drumming on his legs. 

"Aren't you nervous?" Tyler asks, amazed by his cool demeanour. 

"Nah, I get to hide behind the drums the whole time, these guys are the ones who everybody's gonna be looking at," he smirks, motioning to the rest of the band in the room. 

"Yeah, thanks for that, buddy!" Tim quips sarcastically, and Josh laughs. 

"You're gonna do great, man! You always do great, stop stressing! There's even a queue outside, you got this," Josh encourages, and Tim gives him a smile. 

They sit in the room for around ten more minutes, Tim ending up a sickly shade of greenish white right as they're about to head out on stage. Tyler really feels for him, he's nervous himself and he'll be hiding at the side of the stage. He can't imagine how intimidating it would be to have to get up in front of all these people and perform, but at the same time every atom of his being wishes it were him. As much as it petrifies him, this is all he wants. A member of staff taps the door lightly, then pokes his head in to tell the band, "It's time."

They shuffle in single file along the dim corridor, Tim taking deep breaths from the front of the line. Josh reaches a hand out behind him, and Tyler grips it tightly as they make their way towards the stage. The house lights are down, and any minute now they're going to be brought up on the four of them and their instruments. 

"You are going to do so great," Tyler whispers in Josh's ear as they wait for the signal to head out onstage. "You're gonna kill it, I know you are."

Tyler sees Josh's smile in the dark as he presses a kiss to his forehead, and then they're being waved on stage by someone in the sidelines at the other end of the platform. Tim's girlfriend stays with Tyler as the band head onstage, some whooping and cheering going on in the crowd. Tyler looks around, but he can't place Brendon anywhere in the dark, and then the lights come back up and the crowd becomes invisible. 

*****

Josh drums incredibly, as always. Tyler can feel every strike of the kick drum in his chest, every crash of the cymbals rings in his ears. Josh sits, he stands, he twirls his sticks, his whole body moving with the music, his head shaking. No matter how many times Tyler sees him play, he's always mesmerised. He doesn't know a single song on the set list, and he couldn't sing one if you paid him. He pays attention to nothing but Josh's drumming, not understanding how anyone could look away from him for even a second. 

They've been playing for a little over half an hour, and Tyler is far too hot in his sweater, but he refuses to take it off. Not when Josh is on stage in front of a hundred people, being so very spellbinding. No, everyone needs to know that Tyler is Josh's and vice versa, that they can't have him. 

"This is their last song," comes the voice of Stephanie beside him. "There's no encore, so they'll be coming off after this."

Tyler is shaken from his Josh-induced daze by her words. He notices Josh looking over at him as he drums, and he winks with a grin, his tongue between his teeth. Tyler almost melts, anxiety bubbling up in his stomach for unknown reasons. The idea of having Josh in front of him again is making him uneasy, and he doesn't know why. He's spent the past five days in almost exclusively his company, but something about that night in particular feels different.

As they finish on a high, the applause and cheering from the crowd is impressively loud, given their small numbers. The four of them make their way to the front of the stage to take a bow, and Tyler longs to have that moment for himself so badly it aches. As happy as he feels for the band, for Josh, as proud as he is of all of them, he envies their platform, their moderate success, the way they brought the crowd from a few sparse cheers to screaming applause. He needs it for his own. 

The lights on the stage go down again, and the cheers turn quickly into loud chatter as people start to disperse. Josh heads straight over to Tyler with a look in his eyes that sets his heart racing. It's the same look Josh gave him at the Hallowe'en party, right before he dragged Tyler out of Tim's house to his car. It makes Tyler's chest tighten a little, catching his breath. 

As soon as Josh reaches him, he grabs Tyler by the hips and gives him a hard, pressing kiss, nails digging into his skin a little. He breaks away and takes Tyler's hand, making to pull him away somewhere, but then Tim approaches. Tyler wants to slap him just a little for his interruption, but Josh turns to him. 

"Hey, man, that's the hardest you've drummed yet! Seriously, that was awesome. Thanks so much for helping us out," Tim gives him a grateful smile, patting his shoulder. 

"Yeah, of course! Don't mention it. You guys did really great, too. Thanks for letting me rock out with you," Josh smiles back, and leaves it at that, tugging Tyler away again. 

He leads Tyler from the backstage area, through the same dank corridor that housed the room they'd sat in pre-show, and reaches for the handle of a door a few down from it. As he pushes open the door, it reveals a smaller green room, with just one couch (which Josh throws his cap onto from the doorway,) and a table at the side of the room. Once they're inside, Josh pushes the door closed, then pushes Tyler up against it, and their mouths collide in a frenzy of tongues and bitten lips. 

Josh grabs one of Tyler's wrists in each hand and pins them back against the door, moving his mouth along Tyler's jaw and down to his neck. He's covered in a glistening sheen of sweat and he's still panting a little from performing, and it makes him look like he's already had some pretty vigorous sex. Tyler's hips roll up involuntarily as Josh bites and sucks another hickey onto the skin of his neck, and he lets out a little groan before managing a breathy sentence. 

"You were incredible out there, that was sicker than frick," he tells Josh, who releases the area of Tyler's neck he was biting. 

"Thank you, baby," Josh smiles at him, giving his forehead a gentle kiss. 

As soon as his lips move from Tyler's head, he's pressing him back against the door, rolling his own hips into Tyler's now. Tyler emits a little whine as he feels how hard Josh is already, and bucks his hips forward to meet his movements. Right when their bodies make contact, Josh grabs Tyler by the hips and lifts him up off his feet, supporting his thighs as he wraps his legs around Josh's waist. He mashes their lips together as he bucks his hips up into Tyler's ass, bouncing him a little, and Tyler lets out another whine into Josh's mouth at the contact. 

He loves it when Josh grabs him like this, pulling him around, manhandling him. Tyler forgets his strength sometimes, with how soft and gentle he always is, but when it comes to Josh wanting him, he's reminded of just how strong he can be. The way he can pin Tyler to the door so that he really can't move, or how he can pick him up off the floor like a rag doll, it drives him crazy. 

Josh turns the lock on the door, then moves over to the table at the side of the room, throwing Tyler down onto it and dragging him by the waistband of his jeans to the very edge. He gets between Tyler's legs and cups his face in his hands, big enough to cover from jaw to temple, warm and comforting. He kisses Tyler's lips gently, soft and sweet, pulling his bottom lip into his mouth but not biting down. He has a little smile on his face as he pulls back from their kisses, and he looks so incredibly beautiful that Tyler grabs him by the hair and tugs him back in for another kiss. 

Josh breaks away with a chuckle, and then moves his lips to Tyler's ear to whisper, "Bend over for me, baby."

The words make Tyler moan again, sending a throb of desire through his body, starting in his chest, then coursing through his veins, and he immediately does what he's told. He feels Josh's arms snake around him from behind to unbutton his pants, and then he yanks them down to his knees, taking his underwear down with them. Tyler lowers himself down onto his elbows on the table in front of him, anticipation spiking because he can't see what Josh is doing, or what he's going to do next. He hears shuffling behind him, feels hands on his asscheeks, spreading him open, and then Josh's tongue is on him. 

Tyler is cursing and letting out long, drawn out moans as his hips buck back into Josh's face. The slurping and sucking sounds coming from behind him and the feeling of Josh's lips wrapped around his hole, tongue pressing in, driving him absolutely insane as he starts to beg for more. He's grinding himself into the sensation, desperate to heighten it, when Josh pulls away, making him cry out at the loss. Then he hears the popping of a plastic cap and he knows what's coming. 

"We've got to be quick," Josh hushes, leaning over to whisper in Tyler's ear, and Tyler moves his head to capture Josh's lips with his own. 

He hears the noise of liquid being squirted from a bottle and takes a few deep breaths, trying his best to relax his body completely. Josh's hands take up position on his hips as he nudges the head of his slick cock against Tyler's asshole. 

"This is gonna hurt, Ty," comes Josh's voice from behind him, as he gives his hips a squeeze. 

He doesn't even wait for Tyler's reply, forcing himself in, pushing all the way until their skin is pressed flush together. Josh falls against Tyler's back as he bottoms out, letting out a long, low groan of, "Fuuuuuuuck," as he stills his hips, panting for breath. 

The pain is even worse than Tyler remembers it, tears stinging his eyes again as he grits his teeth and tries to adjust. He doesn't think it's a sensation he could ever get used to, feeling like he's being torn apart from the inside. He can't even get words out when Josh lifts himself back up and asks if he's okay, so Tyler just nods, pressing his ass back into him and giving him permission to move his hips again. 

Josh's movements are slow at first, as he draws himself out to the tip to press back in slowly. He lets out a groan that trails off into a whine as he pushes himself all the way back in again, making Tyler buck his hips backwards. Perhaps it's their rarity that makes them so special, but Josh's higher pitched moans are Tyler's favourite noise that he's ever made. 

"Fuck, Ty, you're so tight," he growls, and Tyler feels him throb, buried deep inside him. "Watching your tight little hole swallow my cock is my new favourite thing in the world, I swear to God."

A moan so loud it's almost a yelp comes from Tyler at Josh's words, and he wants him so badly it makes him ache. He starts up the same chanting he recites every time Josh is touching him like this, and he grinds his hips back while words he isn't even processing pour from his mouth, "Please, Josh, give it to me, I need it, please. Hard."

At his last word, Josh grabs his hips tightly, slowly drawing every inch of himself out of Tyler's ass, then he rams himself back in at full force. It hurts so badly that Tyler lets out a scream of pain, but Josh doesn't stop. He knows what Tyler can take at this point, and his hips are picking up a fast rhythm as he slams himself into him over and over. In less than a minute, he's found Tyler's g-spot and he's angling his hips to hit it with every thrust, dragging his nails down Tyler's back under his sweatshirt and tank top.

Tyler doesn't even realise he's squealing every time their bodies connect, too lost in the pleasure his boyfriend is bringing him. His hips hurt from being fucked into the table so violently, and he feels as though his legs might give out from under him, but he doesn't care because the head of Josh's cock pounding into his prostate repeatedly is all he can think about. He reaches a hand down to wrap around his own, painfully hard length, desperate for relief, but Josh grabs both of his hands before he can do anything but brush his fingers against his cock. 

He puts Tyler's hands behind his back and holds them there, still fucking him hard and fast as he growls out, "I like it when I make you come untouched."

Tyler lets out a long, needy moan at Josh's words, grinding and bucking back into his hammering hips with force. He's right. Josh gives Tyler the most amazing, mind-blowing orgasms without even having to pay his cock any attention, and he loves it. The table is banging against the wall now, with how vigorously Josh is fucking him into it, and Tyler is sure it's adding to the bruises already covering his hips. Josh takes both of Tyler's wrists in one hand, still holding them behind his back, and Tyler lets out a loud squeal as he feels Josh's palm smack down against one of his asscheeks, hard enough to sting. 

"Fuck, more, please, Josh," he squeaks out and Josh complies, bringing his hand down in the exact same spot and bringing tears back to Tyler's eyes as he squeals again. 

Just then, there's a sudden knock at the green room door, and Tyler looks over his shoulder to see someone trying to push down the handle, finding the door locked. Thank God Josh had had the sense to take that precaution earlier. 

"Josh?" comes Tim's voice through the door. 

Josh's hips have slowed their relentless ramming into Tyler, but they don't stop entirely. He still clutches Tyler's hands behind his back and he's pushing himself in to the hilt with a buck of his hips to grind the head of his cock into Tyler's prostate as he calls out a reply. 

"Yeah, man, what's up?" he shouts in a perfectly calm and collected voice, as he grinds into Tyler. 

Tyler is biting his lip so hard it might bleed as he attempts with everything he's got to hold in the squeals Josh is trying to wrench from him. Payback, Tyler supposes, for that one time Josh was on the phone to his mother. He's repeatedly bucking his hips up into Tyler's g-spot while he's buried as deep as he can get, and Tyler could come right then and there. 

"Me and the guys are leaving man, are you gonna stay here?" Tim sounds more than a little suspicious of the activities he might be interrupting as he talks, but Josh keeps his voice perfectly level and relaxed. 

"Yeah, man, we'll be out in a bit but I'll catch you later," he chirps, drawing himself slowly all the way out of Tyler's tight heat. 

Tyler is terrified of what's coming next, because he _knows_ Josh. He knows what he's about to do. And Josh knows all too well just how incapable Tyler is of holding in his noises while he's fucking him. 

"Sweet, okay. Thanks again man, catch you later," Tim calls, and right at the end of his sentence, Josh slams his hips into Tyler's as hard as he can. 

Tyler lets out a screaming moan so loud he's sure everyone left in the bar just heard it, but he can't help it, he can't do anything to stop the loud moans now flowing from his lips, because Josh has picked back up with his hard, fast rhythm. He's pounding into Tyler's prostate over and over, and Tim _definitely_ just heard him. 

It's not something he has ever even given a thought to, prior to that phone call with Josh's mom the night they went to the carnival, but Tyler loves it when there's a chance they'll get caught. There's something so inexplicably exciting about the idea to him. Josh lets go of Tyler's hands behind his back, (however Tyler keeps them there,) so that he can grab onto his hips instead and pull him back into his own ceaseless thrusts. 

The sound of their skin slapping together, of Tyler's tuneful moans, of Josh's deep groans, of the table creaking underneath them, fills the room in a sinful song. The music he and Josh create together without instruments is some of Tyler's favourite to listen to. He can feel himself beginning to unwind under Josh's working hips, a tightening sensation in the pit of his stomach as he grinds his ass back into him and he squeals as Josh brings his hand down in another smack right where the last two had been. 

"Fuuuck, baby boy, you feel so good," Josh groans out behind him, and Tyler lets out a desperate little whine at his words. 

He feels himself tightening around Josh's length inside him, hears Josh emit another whining groan as his thrusts falter just a little, chokes out sobbing moans himself, and realises the two of them are about to reach their climaxes at the same time. He starts urgently bucking his ass back onto Josh, throwing his whole body weight into meeting his forceful thrusts, and Josh grips his hips so tightly he's guaranteed to have new bruises by the morning. He slams himself into Tyler harder and faster, giving it every ounce of energy he has, until Tyler is squealing and tensing up around him and coming all over the table he's bent over and Josh is letting go buried deep inside him. 

Josh rides out his orgasm with slow, shaky thrusts, then he's pulling himself out to tug Tyler back up by the shoulders and turn him around. He shoves their lips together, kissing him long and slow and deep. He takes Tyler's bottom lip into his mouth, again not biting down, then starts pecking soft kisses all over his face. 

"Fuck," he breathes with a smile, stooping to pull Tyler's underwear and jeans back up his legs. "That was incredible. You're so perfect."

Tyler scrunches up his nose as Josh presses a kiss to the tip of it, falling forward into his chest for Josh to wrap his arms around him. He pecks a few more kisses over Tyler's forehead and cheeks, then takes his arms back to tug up his own jeans. 

"I wanna cuddle you for, like, seventeen hours, but we've got to get back home. I don't wanna end up locked in this place all night," he chuckles, buttoning his jeans back up then reaching for Tyler's hand. 

Tyler takes his outstretched hand, giving him a sleepy little smile. He always ends up immediately crashing and getting too tired to think after Josh fucks him. Josh grabs his cap up off the couch and puts it, backwards, back on his head, then briefly enters the green room they'd sat in earlier to grab his coat and anything else he'd left in there before the show. Tyler then lets Josh lead him back out of the labyrinth of corridors to the front doors of the club, not passing a single person on their way out. His car isn't parked far from the bar, but the winter night is freezing as they step out into the open air, and Tyler shivers, teeth chattering. Josh lets go of his hand wordlessly to hold up his camouflage jacket so that Tyler can shrug it on, and then he interlocks their fingers again to keep leading them on the path back to his car. 

Josh is still buzzing from playing his show as they reach the car and climb in, and he tells Tyler that it was the best they played the whole time he was touring with the band, looking pleased. Tyler sleepily congratulates him once more, praising his performance and joking that his own presence was the reason the band had played so well. He really is proud of Josh, but he can't help the jealousy, even in his tired state, because it wasn't him out on the stage playing with Josh and trying to win the crowd over. 

Their drive back to Josh's apartment building doesn't take long, and Josh has his hand on Tyler's thigh the whole way. It's uncomfortable for him to sit up, he's already feeling the burning pain under him that he knows will only be worse when he wakes up tomorrow. He realises with a start that he and Josh will be eating dinner with the Dun family in a couple of days. 

"Hey, Josh?" Josh lets out a little 'mm?' of acknowledgement before Tyler continues, "Your mom is gonna meet me for the first time, covered in bruises and hickeys and handprints, and it'll prolly still hurt me to sit down."

"Oh, shit!" Josh laughs beside him, "I hadn't even thought of that. Shit. You got any turtlenecks?"

"Definitely not. I don't even have a frickin' scarf. And your dad is gonna be there. I'm gonna have to stand there and talk to your parents and every single one of us is going to know that you've been sucking on my neck, oh my God, Josh!" he babbles, words coming out faster and faster towards the end of his sentence. 

"Ty, Ty, calm down!" Josh laughs, squeezing Tyler's thigh gently. "We'll work something out! It's gonna be fine. We can get you a neck brace if needs be. It'll be fine."

Josh is grinning with his tongue between his teeth, but Tyler is still anxious. He _needs_ to make a good first impression on Josh's parents. He needs his family to like him. He wants to be around for a long time, and that probably won't work out if Josh's family thinks badly of him. With all his social anxiety and nervousness and being so awkward, Tyler needs all the help he can get. He doesn't think great, purple hickeys all over his neck is going to help anybody. 

"My mom is gonna love you no matter what, Ty, I promise. Don't worry about it, okay?" he gives Tyler's thigh another reassuring squeeze and Tyler decides to add his worries about meeting Josh's family to the ever growing pile of anxious and depressing thoughts he has to deal with at some point in the back of his mind. 

"If you say so," he smiles, and he sees Josh's grin growing bigger. 

"I do say so!" he beams, indicating to pull up in a space outside his apartment building. 

Even with Josh's camouflage jacket on, Tyler still shivers in the cold as they get out of the car. As he circles around to meet Josh on the footpath, he has an arm draped around his shoulders to pull him close into Josh's side. Only in a t-shirt, Josh is still just as hot as he always is, and he takes the chill out of Tyler's bones right away. He's almost falling asleep standing up as they walk up the steps and through the front doors to make their way into the elevator. Josh wraps both arms around him and presses a kiss to his forehead as they glide up to his floor. 

Josh tells Tyler to go on into bed while he heads to the bathroom to take a shower, peeling off his clothes the minute they're through the door. Tyler kicks off his shoes by the front door, then pads off into Josh's room, giggling as he sees both kittens curled up on Josh's side of the bed. He tugs off his jeans and pulls off his sweater and t-shirt, but realises he's still freezing cold and doesn't have Josh beside him to leech heat from, so he pulls his sweater back on and gets into bed in it and his underwear. He keeps a hand out of the covers to switch between giving each of the fluffy creatures on the bed beside him tickles and pets and strokes. 

After about ten minutes of purring, Josh comes into the room in just a towel, and Tyler lets out a groan as he stares. Touring with the band over past few weeks has Josh in even better physical condition than he had been, his abs even more obvious and the 'v' of his pelvic muscles even more pronounced as it disappears under his towel. He chuckles and gives Tyler a little wink, before making his way over to his drawers and grabbing some underwear to pull on. 

He drops his towel, and Tyler gets a great view of his well-toned ass before he's pulling boxer briefs over it. Stifling a yawn, he flicks off the bedroom light to lift both cats onto the floor and slink into bed next to Tyler, who takes up his rightful place in his arms with his head on Josh's chest. 

"Josh, you're still wet," Tyler whines as he shifts around on top of him, trying to find comfort. "You never dry yourself properly when you get out of the shower."

Josh chuckles and kisses Tyler's forehead, "I'm ever so sorry. I'll make sure it never happens again," he laughs, pulling Tyler in tighter. 

"Yeah, you better," Tyler threatens playfully, then moves his head to look up at Josh. "Hey, Jishwa, you really were incredible tonight, by the way. You're amazing."

"Thank you," Josh grins, giving him another kiss between the eyes. "And thank you for coming. I love you, Ty. Now get some sleep."

"I love you too, Jish," Tyler whispers with a yawn, settling back down on Josh's damp chest and drifting off to sleep.


	28. Exploring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, gosh, I am so, so sorry for my radio silence over the past few days. I've really been struggling, but I think I maybe worked through it? Keep your fingers crossed for me! And thank you all for sticking with me. 
> 
> So, to make up for my absence, here's 7,420 (blaze it) words of fluff and angst!
> 
> Enjoy ❤️

Tyler dreams about being on a stage. He sees himself performing to a sold out arena, looking out at tens of thousands of faces lost in a sea of people, all of them staring back up at him as he sings, all of them singing along. He dreams that he has Josh onstage with him, drumming his hardest as Tyler plays his piano. The feeling he gets, the emotions of playing music in front of all those people, is one of the best feelings he's ever experienced.

He's honestly a little disappointed when he wakes up, that is until he opens his eyes and sees the morning sunlight shining across the bed, illuminating Josh's face next to him. Tyler is still tangled in his arms, but has made his way off Josh's chest during the night, so he has a perfect view of his face. His hair seems to glow fluorescent pink in its vibrancy, with the sun bouncing off of it. He looks so peaceful, so relaxed, and so utterly, completely gorgeous. Right down to the little string of drool reaching from his mouth to the pillow under his head. 

Listening to his deep, sleeping breaths and watching his muscular chest rise and fall as his lungs fill and then deflate, Tyler takes a moment to think about just how lucky he is. This week has been one of the happiest of his entire life. Spending all day with Josh fills him with so much joy, contents him so completely, that he can't imagine going back to only seeing him a couple of times a week. He never pictured himself having somebody that understands him so entirely, that takes him for exactly what he is and loves him that way, who never talks about all the ways he falls short or needs to change, encourages him so much in everything he does. Tyler truly believes he's found the perfect person, who just so happens to not dry off all the way when he gets out of the shower. 

He lies there, just watching Josh, for what feels like hours. Tyler is much too hot with Josh, always exuding heat, wrapped around him, and he's getting a cramp in his leg, but he doesn't dare wake him by moving. He could happily watch his boyfriend sleeping like this all day long, even if it is a little creepy. 

His mind begins to wander to the day ahead and how the two of them might spend it. They have no plans as of yet, a day to spend however they see fit without any prior commitments or responsibilities. It's how Tyler would like most of their time together to be, endless hours free to be squandered in bed together, or to be used adventuring through forests or exploring abandoned buildings. Perhaps Josh could take Tyler to the old insane asylum today. 

Tyler doesn't like how quickly this week is passing. Compared with how time passes during his weeks of classes, when a fortnight can feel like three months, the last four days with Josh have passed by like it's been a few hours. It seems terribly unfair. The way time works. When Tyler is doing something he doesn't enjoy, when he just wants whatever he's doing to be over, time crawls along at a snail's pace. Now, here he is in the midst of a week he wants to last forever and it's almost over, thundering by like a galloping horse. This is the fifth day of Josh's time off. In just two more, he'll be going back to work. 

With that thought, Tyler remembers that he's meeting Josh's family tomorrow, and panic swells in his chest. He feels like he can't breathe, his anxiety a boa constrictor, a huge snake coiled around his lungs and squeezing tighter on every exhale. Tyler isn't good with first impressions. He's painfully awkward in social settings, even casual encounters make him uneasy, so the very idea of trying to make people like him in a more formal situation, with the added pressure of how vital it is that he win over Josh's family, is enough to make him squirm. 

What will he wear? What will he talk about? Is he allowed to clutch desperately to Josh's hand in front of his parents? What on _Earth_ is he going to do about the mess of marks Josh has left on his neck? How can he possibly present himself in a way that might make Josh's family think that he's cool or intelligent or even likeable? How can he convince them that he deserves Josh, when he doesn't even believe it himself?

More and more questions fire through Tyler's mind, and he doesn't have a single answer. He's starting to feel suffocated, smothered, the body in bed next to him feeling warmer and warmer until Tyler is unbearably hot and he just needs Josh to be awake. He feels a little guilty as he pulls himself from the stifling heat of Josh's arms, stirring him from his sleep. Josh gives a little groan as he wakes, rubbing his bleary eyes and grinning when he sees Tyler lying beside him. 

"G'morning," he croaks, "how's you?"

Tyler sighs at the question, an internal debate waging in his mind. He wants to be completely honest with Josh, it's what he deserves. The concept of lying to him makes Tyler's skin crawl and his stomach twist. However, at the same time he doesn't want Josh to know just how anxious and easily upset he constantly is, doesn't want to come across as the sad, scared, nervous wreck he truly is. He doesn't want Josh to think he's having second thoughts or that he doesn't want to come. He sees a crease of worry between Josh's eyebrows at his pause, and sighs again. 

"I'm just kind of stressed out about meeting your family. I really want them to like me," Tyler tells him honestly. 

Josh smiles a little at his words, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him across the bed to lay his head on his chest. 

"They will like you, Ty. They'll like you because I like you, because you make me happy. I understand why you're nervous, but I promise they'll like you," he finishes with a kiss on the top of Tyler's head, making him smile back. 

Josh brings a hand up from around Tyler's waist to run his fingers through his hair, and Tyler feels the compression around his lungs releasing, panic flowing out of him with every deep breath. Josh always has such a calming effect on him. The culmination of his comforting words, his deep voice, his relaxing tone, his strong arms wrapped around Tyler and his role as a constant in Tyler's life, is so incredibly reassuring and consoling. There has never been a time when Josh has been unable to talk him off a ledge or give him solace when he's at the mercy of his own mind. He helps Tyler more than any therapist ever has. More, even, than Brendon. 

Tyler is so incredibly lucky to have found him, someone so well equipped to deal with him through both his highs and his lows, who'll look for bugs and waterfalls with him, but who'll also just listen to all his problems and hold him when he cries. Josh is the kind of boyfriend Tyler would spend his sleepless nights in high school wishing he had. Josh is the kind of boyfriend you only find in young adult novels. And yet, here he is, living and breathing and tangible, and he's all Tyler's. 

"I love you," Tyler utters out of nowhere, looking up at Josh's face from his chest. 

"I know, baby. I love you too," Josh beams down at him, bending his neck to plant a kiss on Tyler's forehead. "So, whadd'you want for breakfast today?" he asks. 

"Hours of cuddles with you," Tyler smirks, nuzzling his face into Josh's ribs. 

He feels Josh's chest shaking under him as he lets out a wheezy chuckle, taking his hand from Tyler's hair to wrap both arms around his waist again. He gives him a tight, squeezing hug, them pulls him in as close to him as possible, Tyler practically on top of him as their legs tangle in one another. 

"Sounds tasty," Josh laughs 

**-**

Josh wakes a second time to a long, loud gurgle from this stomach that vibrates throughout his abdomen. He is utterly starving. He extracts an arm from his and Tyler's embrace to reach for his phone on the nightstand by his side of the bed, and is shocked to find that it's almost noon. He groans slightly as he gives a one armed stretch, then leans over to kiss his boyfriend awake. He litters kisses all over Tyler's cheeks and eyelids until he lets out an adorable, little moan as he stretches, lifting both arms up into the air, and yawns. 

"Good breakfast," he giggles, sleepily. 

"Agreed," Josh smirks, "but I'm in real need of some actual food, and I don't have any. You wanna come grocery shopping with me?"

"I could totally go with cuddles for lunch and dinner, too. There's plenty of leftovers," he counters, and Josh laughs, but Tyler sits up nonetheless, wincing a little in pain. 

"Aw, baby, are you sore?" Josh asks, sitting up beside him and feeling guilty. 

As much as the actions that cause it are always incredible, Josh never fails to feel so guilty for hurting Tyler when he sees the pain he's in for days afterwards. 

"I'll be fine," Tyler chirps with a smile, swinging his legs over the side of the bed to stand up. "It's not like I don't know what to expect at this point. C'mon, let's go shopping!"

He gives Josh a toothy grin, nose scrunching up and cheeks dimpling, as he grabs his backpack full of clothes and heads to the bathroom. Josh gives another long stretch, willing himself to leave the comfort of his sheets, then drags himself out of bed. His arms ache from the show the night before and he feels like he could double the twelve hours he's already slept. He moves to his wardrobe and tugs on some shorts and a long, low cut tank top, then leaves for the kitchen to make himself a pot of coffee. 

Tyler joins him in the kitchen not long after Josh has poured a cup of coffee for each of them, looking so adorable it should be illegal. He's in all black, skinny jeans and a plain t-shirt, and he's wearing his flowing, floral kimono and thick, white rimmed glasses. Josh just grins at him with his coffee in his hand for a few moments, then walks up to him to press a kiss to his lips. 

"You look sick," Josh smiles, pecking a kiss on his forehead, then stepping back again. 

"Thanks, Jish," Tyler grins, dimples back in his cheeks. 

Josh hands Tyler a mug of coffee from the counter, then takes his hand and leads him through to the living room and into their blanket fort, to turn on the TV. They find an episode of Bob's Burgers and sit, drinking their coffee, Tyler in Josh's lap. Once their mugs are empty and the show's end credits are rolling, Josh pats Tyler's thighs and pecks a quick kiss to his neck. 

"Okay, Ty, let's go," he chirps, and Tyler lifts himself off his lap so Josh can stand. 

The way Tyler holds himself, his whole stance, with his feet turned in, his left arm across his stomach and hand holding his right arm, sunglasses hiding his eyes and a little smirk playing on his lips, sheer, flowery fabric draped around him, Josh wants more than anything to pick him up, carry him to bed and stay there all day long. As if to spite him, his stomach grumbles again, reminding him of his aching hunger. After grabbing his keys and wallet, he reaches out to take Tyler's hand with a grin and leads him to the door. 

**-**

Tyler is standing on the bar of the wheels of the shopping cart Josh is pushing, cackling as they glide down the World Foods aisle. Tyler's hands clutch the middle of the cart's handles, and Josh's arms are wrapped around him from behind, with a hand on either end of the handle. He lets out a little squeal, being jolted forwards over the handlebar, as Josh brings them to a sudden stop in front of shelves filled with ramen. 

"These noodle things are awesome! They're from Korea, and they're, like, crazy spicy," Josh enthuses, leaving the cart for a second to grab an armful of packets of instant noodles. 

He unceremoniously dumps about eight packs into the basket of the cart then takes up his place behind Tyler again, wheeling them down to the end of the aisle. They come to the lane along the middle of the grocery store, splitting the aisles into two sections. Josh looks around, sees that the lane is completely clear of people, then goes thundering down it, pushing Tyler so fast he squeals. He starts to lose control of the vehicle, one of the wheels wobbling wildly as he propels them through the store. He makes a regrettable snap decision to let go of the cart, and sends Tyler careening right into a stack of boxes filled with potato chips. They come crashing down around the cart as Tyler falls backwards and lands hard on his ass, letting out a yelp of pain. 

"Oh shit! Are you okay?!" Josh calls, running over to lift Tyler with hands under his arms and set him back on his feet. 

Tyler's face is still screwed up in pain, but he's laughing so hard it's coming out in silent, gasping breaths. Josh makes quick work of stacking the boxes up again, throwing stray packets of chips on top, then returning to Tyler and wrapping his arms around him. 

"I am so, so sorry, I wasn't even thinking, your poor little butt," he hushes in Tyler's ear, but he's still shaking with laughter in Josh's arms. 

"I'm okay, it's fine," he giggles, wiping away the tears that have formed in his eyes. "That was so much fun, but you can't do it again or we'll definitely get kicked out."

Josh grins, kissing Tyler's forehead, then encourages him to sit in the basket of the cart, next to all the noodles. Tyler obliges, sitting on his knees because of the throbbing, aching pain in his behind, and Josh pushes him leisurely through the aisles, adding potato chips and candy bars to his pile of food. 

"Hey, I think I've eaten, like, three pieces of fruit since I moved to Athens," Tyler muses, and Josh laughs. "You think we could get some oranges or something?" 

"What's an orange?" Josh jokes, making a quick one-eighty turn that throws Tyler against the side of the cart, and heading towards the fresh produce section. 

They stock up on all kinds of fruit, from apples and oranges to a strange, reddish pink fruit with green shoots sprouting from the skin. Josh had insisted upon buying the latter, saying it was the only one he'd eat because it was called dragonfruit and that, "sounds badass". When the cart is filled with enough fruit and junk food that Tyler's running out of space for his body parts, they decide to head towards the checkout. 

"Hey, do you wanna take me to The Ridges today?" Tyler asks with a smile. "I know you really wanna go, and we don't have any other plans. Fruit and cuddles can wait."

Josh grins huge at him, and leans across the bars of the shopping cart to kiss Tyler's forehead. He knows Tyler doesn't like the idea of the asylum, knows he was scared at just the mental image of what's up there. He knows Tyler's only suggesting this because Josh wanted to visit, that he's willing to make a sacrifice just to make him happy. He loves him so much for it, that he's putting Josh's happiness before his own. 

"I'd love to," he beams to his boyfriend. "That building stays open over half term so we won't have to break in, and all the people inside with us means it won't be _that_ spooky," he tries to reassure him. 

"It's okay, I've got my ghostbustin' boyfren to protect me," Tyler smirks, adorable even with his eyes hidden behind tinted lenses, the dimples in his cheeks prominent as he smiles with teeth. 

"I'll kick their asses if they come anywhere near you," Josh promises, letting go of the cart handle for a second to swish his arms in the air in a way he hopes resembles karate. 

"Jish, do not take your hands off the handlebar!" Tyler scolds. "If you send me flying into another stack of boxes we'll get in trouble!"

Josh chuckles at Tyler's furrowed eyebrows disappearing behind the frames of his oversized sunglasses, but does as he's told, taking the bar back in his hand and pushing them up to the tills. Tyler doesn't get out of the basket as they get to the checkout, passing Josh the various groceries from around him to be placed on the conveyor belt. The salesperson behind the register gives Tyler a few scathing looks as she scans their shopping, but she doesn't say a word. The two boys share a few amused looks, holding back their laughter, until she's handing Josh his receipt and they're heading out the doors of the store. They dissolve into fits of giggles as soon as they cross the threshold and get out to the car park, Tyler keeping his seat in the cart until they finally reach Josh's car. 

"The general public really seems to disapprove of us," Josh grins as he and Tyler load their groceries into his trunk. 

"They're just not our kinda people," Tyler smiles to him as he takes an orange from a punnet to eat in the car. "We fit in with all the people that don't fit in. Like Brendon and Hayley. We just need a bunch of misfits, they'd be our friends."

"Yeah, if the street was filled with weirdos we'd be great," Josh laughs, grabbing a packet of chips for himself. 

"I think everybody is a weirdo in some way," Tyler speculates as they close the trunk and move around the car to open their doors and get inside. "I mean, everybody is going through something right now, you know? Everybody's got their crap, and we all have things we like and we say and we do that other people would find weird. There's no 'normal', not really. Some people just let their weirdness come out, express it, more than others do. I like to think about people as complex, though. Like that girl at the tills. I mean, she could be having, just, the worst day. I'm sure she's nice, really. We only saw one of her sides, but she's probably a weirdo too, in some way."

Josh sits in his seat, just looking at Tyler, for what feels like an age, just taking in what he said. The way Tyler's mind works never fails to amaze him. He thinks so deeply about every little detail of life. Sometimes, his overthinking can be a terrible, debilitating thing, but sometimes he comes off with thoughts like this that leave Josh in awe. 

"I really like the way you think," Josh tells him with a smile. "The way you can empathise with everybody, the way you treat people like... well, like people. A lot of the time I think we can remove ourselves from strangers enough to treat them like shit because we don't have to think about how it makes them feel. I think we all need to be a little more aware of the fact that everybody's going through something."

As he ends his sentence, Tyler leans across the centre console to kiss him, and Josh can feel the little smile on his lips. 

"I love you so much," Tyler whispers against his mouth before kissing him again. 

"I love you too, Ty," Josh smiles back, pressing their lips together again before pulling away. "Now, let's go creep you out!"

**-**

As they pull up outside the old building complex only about three minutes away from campus grounds, Tyler physically shivers at the thought of what lies within. Josh gives his thigh a little squeeze, having had his hand there for the journey, then reaches into the back seat to produce his camouflage jacket, and he hands it to Tyler. 

"It'll keep you warm and nothing spooky will be able to see you, because you'll be under a cloak of concealment," he grins, biting his tongue between his teeth. 

"This sounds like Harry Potter business," Tyler giggles, unbuckling his seatbelt to pull the jacket on over his kimono and taking off his sunglasses to throw them onto the backseat. 

The smell of Josh surrounds him from the jacket, the comfort of his scent and the warmth of the heavy fabric around him filling him with a newfound confidence. He turns to Josh with a smile, leaning over to peck a quick kiss to his lips, then he reaches for and pulls the handle of the door. 

"Okay, Spooky, let's go!" he calls, jumping from the car. 

He circles around the car and grabs Josh's hand as he reaches him on the other side, then tugs him towards the front steps of the lavish building. Grand columns line the walkway to the building's entrance, topped with a balcony from the second floor. The third and forth floors have the same balconies at the front, lined by a white railing, and at either side of the building a large turret juts out, coming to a point at the roof. 

"Don't you dare let go," Tyler mutters quietly, squeezing Josh's hand, as they make their way up the steps and through the front doors. 

"I promise," Josh grins, squeezing back, then marvelling at the room around them as they walk inside, ignoring the receptionist sitting at the front desk. "They used to do a lot of lobotomies in this place, y'know. That used to be the answer to everything. You and I both woulda been candidates back then."

Tyler's face screws up at the thought and he grips Josh's hand tighter. 

"That's why places like this are so scary to me," he explains, "it's terrifying to think that I could have been in a place like this. I could have been the corpse leaving a stain on the floor upstairs, it's horrible."

Josh grips Tyler's hand just as tightly as he leads him through the lobby of the building towards a door at the back. 

"Think of it as a positive, though," Josh tells him as they walk through the large, wooden door and into a corridor behind it. "Be thankful that we weren't born back then, that we have it so much better now! I mean, the treatment people get nowadays is far from perfect, don't get me wrong. But it's an opportunity for us to be grateful for the lives that we have, and for our freedom. It's a chance to think about the poor men and women who spent their lives trapped within these walls because they were sad or they heard voices. Even in the shitty things, there's always something to be thankful for."

Tyler stops then, yanking on Josh's hand and pulling him around so that they're face to face. He throws his arms around Josh and hugs him tightly, moving his head to kiss him softly and pecking his lips over and over. 

"You are so frickin' wonderful," Tyler tells him when he finally finishes his dozens of kisses and let's Josh go again. "You're just so... You're perfect, Josh."

Josh gives him a little smile and another brief kiss, then grabs Tyler's hand again, threading their fingers together, and tugs him along the corridor to another door. As he pulls it open, Tyler gets a look at the very dimly lit staircase in front of them, old fashioned wooden steps with a white, intricately carved wooden bannister running up the sides, and he shivers again. Josh's grip on his hand tightens to the point that he can't feel his own fingers anymore, but he's thankful for it, and he takes Tyler up to step over a little velvet rope with a 'NO ENTRY' sign hung on it to start their ascent.

The stairs creak and squeak under their feet, and they seem to go on forever when Tyler looks up, but Josh is leading him on with a tight grasp on his hand, and he trusts him. He tells Tyler little bits of information about the building as they walk, like the fact that an alligator turned up in the fountain outside the building once and nobody ever found out where it came from, and that a large portion of the building is dedicated to an art museum that he insists they view on a future visit. Tyler smiles at Josh's mention of them returning, the idea of him seeing a future for the two of them, however small, filling him with happiness. 

Josh talks animatedly about the building as they walk right up to the top of the staircase, telling Tyler about the two thousand bodies buried in the cemeteries on the grounds of the old hospital, about the paranormal sightings people have had in the building, about the view from the rooftop and the river nearby. It's obvious in the way he gushes about the site that it holds a special place in his heart. He talks so passionately about the things he loves, the same way he talks about music. There's a fire behind his words and a twinkle in his eye that becomes infectious, sparking excitement in Tyler even for a place he didn't initially want to visit. 

"This room isn't the creepiest, they've started renovating this side," Josh tells him as they come out of the door at the top of the stairs and into a very bare looking room. "This is pretty cool, though. In a grim way."

He leads Tyler by the hand over to a wall that holds a window, giving a pretty view down to the courtyard of the building through trees. Beside the window, an old poster adorns the wall, yellowed and dog eared, peeling off at the corners, it's an illustration of the human brain, with labels going to each different lobe and hemisphere. 

"It's a guide to help them do lobotomies," Josh explains, eyes wide and full of wonder as he scans the poster. "They'd take an ice pick and a hammer, and they'd put it your eye and hammer it through your cheekbone into your head, then just swirl it around in there blindly and scramble your brains about. It made some people crazy, it made some people stupid, it made some people numb. Everyone reacted differently but everyone got fucked up. They did it to kids! Like, if your kid had ADHD they didn't know what that was back then, so they told you your kid was bad and needed to be calmed down. And then they'd just stir their brains about. It's so messed up."

Tyler stares at the picture, blanching at Josh's words. That could have been him. The sad little teenager sitting in his bedroom, crying himself to sleep and scratching his own arms until they bled. If he'd been born just four or five decades earlier, he would have been the perfect example of a kid who needed to have their brains stirred about. It unnerves him so much he feels a little nauseated. Josh was right, it makes him realise he's lucky to have been born when he was. 

"C'mon, it gets more interesting if we go to the untouched sections," Josh urges, pulling gently on Tyler's hand to move him away from the image he's lost in. 

They make their way through a few more bare rooms, then end up at a whole area where the floor has been torn up, exposing the bare beams of the ceiling below. Walls still separate rooms from one another around the floorless section, and it looks as though the floorboards might pick back up on the other side of the beams in front of them. Tyler looks to Josh, who's examining the wooden planks around them. 

"We've gotta be real careful, okay, Ty?" Josh instructs him. "If we fall we're going straight through that roof and hitting the floor below us. And they'll make us pay damages for sure. We can only walk on the beams, and it's gonna be even more difficult given that we'll be holding hands the whole time, because I'm sure as hell not breaking my promise."

Tyler grins at this and leans over to kiss Josh gently on the cheek. 

"You get an out for your promise this one time," he giggles, but Josh shakes his head. 

"I promised I was gonna hold your hand, Ty. I'm gonna hold your hand."

Tyler loves him so much he could burst. He loves him so much it actually, physically hurts. He's smiling so hard his cheeks are starting to ache as he and Josh make their way over to two beams running parallel to one another, about a meter apart, and take their first few tentative steps, hands still clutching one another tightly. They wobble a little as they put one foot in front of the other, balancing on the slim wooden planks. Slowly, ever so carefully, they make their way across to the other side, and walk around a wall to get a view of the scene before them. 

Debris, rubble and rusted metal implements litter the floor over here, graffiti stains the walls and Tyler can feel the dust in the air as he breaths. Behind them, the red graffiti that Josh had told Tyler about shouts out its message, "LEAVE BEFORE THEY HARVEST YOUR CORPSE," and Tyler feels incredibly uneasy, almost as though they aren't welcome. He's overcome with the desire to obey the writing on the wall, but Josh pulls him onwards to the centre of the area of cement flooring they're standing on. 

Josh stops at a very specific point in the middle of the room and Tyler looks around, puzzled, until he sees Josh staring down at the floor. He knows what's there, but he still isn't prepared for it. Morbid curiosity getting the better of him, he looks down to see a dirty looking white stain on the ground, its curves and edges very distinctly and very obviously outline a woman's body. He swallows hard, dread sitting like lead in his stomach, and looks back to Josh. Beautiful, bright pink, smiling a little in awe, a complete juxtaposition to the horrific scene below them. 

"How did it get there?" Tyler asks in a hushed tone, and Josh looks back up at him, still smirking. 

"It was this patient called Margaret. She's the one they think is haunting this whole place," he chuckles at that, then goes on, "she escaped her ward and ran off. She was a troublemaker in their eyes, her mental illness made her difficult sometimes, so when she disappeared they didn't even try to find her. They say she painted that," he points to the red letters behind them, "on the wall before she died, but I don't know how true that is. But yeah, all these windows, apparently the heat and light made her decompose quicker and leave a stain underneath her. She was up here for a month before they found her."

"Oh, God, that's so awful. They weren't even treated like people, just because they were sick. It's horrific," Tyler cries, and Josh pulls him in for a cuddle, moving away from the mark on the floor. 

"It's unthinkable, the way people got dealt with back then. I think there was a record of a woman being checked in here because she read novels. Like, any excuse and they'd chuck you in the madhouse. If your husband didn't like you, he could sign you over to rot away in a place like this."

"Josh, can we go?" Tyler asks, pouting a little.

"Of course we can, baby. C'mon, I want you to see the view from the roof," Josh smiles, taking Tyler by the hand through another couple of decrepit rooms until they reach a window that leads out onto a fire escape. 

Josh tugs open the window, struggling a little one-handedly, then leads Tyler out and onto a metal staircase that runs up the side of the building. Once they're out on the platform, he takes Tyler around a corner of the turret they're outside and onto a little observation deck that shows a beautiful view of the grounds, the Hocking river just beyond them, and then a sprawling forest. Tyler drinks it all in, taking deep, cleansing breaths of the fresh air and marvelling at a huge flock of birds flying overhead. He immediately feels much better than he had inside the building. 

"This is beautiful," Tyler smiles, turning to Josh to peck a kiss on his cheek, but Josh turns his face to meet it with his lips. 

"You're beautiful," he beams once he pulls away from Tyler's mouth.

Josh takes his pack of cigarettes from his pocket along with a lighter, places one between his lips and lights it, exhaling a huge cloud of smoke. Tyler watches as the wind catches the smoke and pulls it away, then looks back to watch Josh's mouth forming a little 'o' as he exhales again. He always manages to make smoking a cigarette look incredibly sexy, Tyler has thought so ever since he first saw Josh light up a Marlboro Red when they went for pizza. It's funny, Tyler used to loathe the habit so entirely, it would have been an immediate deal breaker with anyone else, but Josh is very good at getting Tyler to like things he normally doesn't, for instance, buildings with corpse stains on the floor or extreme physical pain that lasts for days. Josh has a way of making absolutely anything seem inviting. 

Tyler walks over to slide his arms around Josh's waist and lean against his chest, closing his eyes and fitting his head in under Josh's neck. He feels arms coming up to wrap around him, one going over his shoulder so Josh can smoke his cigarette while the other hand slips under the hem of his t-shirt, nails dragging gently back and forth across the sensitive skin of Tyler's lower back, making his hair stand on end and his skin raise in goosebumps. They stand there for minutes while Josh smokes, his fingertips delicately tracing patterns over the dimples at the base of Tyler's spine and travelling up and down the dip in the centre of his back until his breath is hitching and he's grabbing a fistful of Josh's shirt. 

How Josh can have this effect just by placing a hand on his back, Tyler doesn't know, but the teasing is torture and he just wants to get his boyfriend back home and back into bed. Josh finishes smoking and flicks his cigarette away, simultaneously digging his nails into the skin of Tyler's back hard enough to sting. He inhales sharply at the sudden twinge of pain, letting out a breathy little moan on his exhale, and Josh smirks as he presses a kiss to Tyler's neck, then moves his lips to his ear.

"God, I love how easy it is to make you crazy," he groans softly, running his lips along the outer shell of Tyler's ear, then nibbling his lobe gently. 

"C'mon, Jishwa, let's go home," Tyler smirks at him, taking his hand again and moving back round to the steps of the fire escape.

The two of them walk quickly, Tyler with his left hand on the railing while Josh jogs down beside him, fingers intertwined with his right hand. Suddenly, Tyler gasps in pain, snatching his arm from the railing and examining his finger. A quickly growing drop of blood swells on the underside of his index finger, and Josh fawns over him. 

"Oh my goodness, are you okay? What happened?" he uses the black fabric of his tank top to stem the flow and then sees the issue. "Oh shit, there's a little bit of metal from the railing in your finger, Ty!"

"Ow," is all Tyler replies, pouting as he watches blood forming another growing drop from the tiny entrance site. 

"C'mon, we'll have to do the cemeteries next time, we need to get that out of your finger. I have some stuff at home that'll help." Josh tells him, still holding his hand as he tugs him on down the steps, faster this time. 

Every now and then Josh will turn to try and mop up the blood and tell him to stop picking at the cut, but he can't help it. Tyler isn't sure if his tetanus shots are up to date, and the knowledge that there's a shard of old, dirty, rusty metal in his finger isn't exactly comforting. He tries to squeeze or pick or push the metal out, but for all he knows he could be making the situation worse. What he does know is that it's bleeding more the more he fiddles with it, to the point that Josh turns to mop up the drop of blood and finds it in tracks dripping down Tyler's finger.

"Ty, stop it! You're making it worse! Lemme do it with tools at home, and then clean it for you. Please?" he pouts a little with the last word, eyes turning down at the corners with lowering eyebrows, and he could take the clothes off of Tyler's back there and then if he asked with that face. 

It doesn't take long to get back to the car from the fire escape steps, and once they're back inside, Josh hands Tyler a Taco Bell napkin from the glove compartment to stem the flow of crimson liquid from his finger. They only need to drive for around seven minutes until they're back at Josh's apartment building, but in that short time the napkin is covered in spots of red. Josh grabs the few bags of groceries by himself, Tyler one handedly holding open the front door for him and then pressing the elevator button. 

"Does it hurt a lot?" Josh asks as they step inside the doors of the elevator, Tyler pressing the button for his floor. 

"It stings a little, but I'm fine! It's a tiny little cut," Tyler smiles, but Josh still looks worried. 

"It could get infected, I need to get that metal out of there as soon as possible. If we clean it out with some alcohol it should kill any bacteria, but we gotta act fast. I'm really sorry if I hurt you trying to get it out," Josh's thoughts all come out like one quick, run on sentence, and Tyler laughs. 

"Jish, calm down, I'm gonna be okay," he giggles as the elevator doors open onto Josh's floor and they make their way over to his front door. 

"Could you get my keys from my pocket, baby?" Josh asks, jutting a hip out towards him, arms still full of groceries. 

Tyler reaches his non-bleeding hand into the pocket of Josh's shorts to grab his door key and unlock it, Josh shoving the door open and barging in to put his food down on the floor by the door, then rounding on Tyler. 

"Okay, there's some tweezers and some pins in one of the drawers of the nightstand on my side of the bed, could you get those? I'll go boil the kettle and get some alcohol, then we can sterilise the stuff," Josh babbles, and Tyler laughs. 

"Jishwa, calm down!" he giggles, but he heads towards the bedroom anyway, and Josh rushes off to the kitchen. 

Tyler walks into Josh's bedroom, heading straight for the table by the bed and pulls open the first drawer, letting out a groan at what he sees. Every man he knows seems to have a drawer like this, or in Josh's case, three. Inside, chaos reigns, all sorts of miscellaneous items have been thrown in here to lay in wait for some unforeseen circumstance where three AA batteries, a plethora of paper clips, an Allen key and a miniature pack of playing cards will somehow save the day. Tyler digs thorough the mess of the top drawer, finding screws, pliers and a tiny wrench, but no tweezers or pins. 

As he pulls out the second drawer, the first thing that greets Tyler is a picture of Josh from before he dyed his hair. He's sitting in a café, a few people behind him blurred by the depth of field in the photograph. He wears a faded grey t-shirt and a cap backwards on his head, his face in his hand, squinting at whoever is behind the camera. He looks so stunningly beautiful that Tyler wishes with all his heart he could have been the photographer, to have the memory of that moment in live action to remember. He wasn't even there, and yet the image fills him with a cosy, nostalgic feeling. He's reminiscing about a time he wasn't present to witness. 

Bleeding finger forgotten, Tyler takes the picture out of the drawer and sees another sitting below it. The second picture drains that fuzzy feeling he'd gotten from the first in an instant, his stomach falling to the floor and his mouth going dry. He feels so nauseated he fears he may actually throw up. Below it is a picture of Josh standing in the golden glow of a sunset, looking as gorgeous as ever, squinting a little in the sunlight, but his arms are wrapped around Debby who smiles smugly to the camera wearing oversized sunglasses. It fills Tyler with a noxious mix of jealousy, anger, anxiety and deep, biting sadness. Seeing them together like that isn't something he ever, ever wanted to experience. Why does Josh still have this picture? Why does he keep it by his bed? Why hasn't he disposed of every single Debby related item in his apartment? 

Tyler feels tears stinging his eyes and his hands are shaking. He knows he should just close the drawer and never open it again. He knows this, but his jealousy and his anxiety get the best of him. He lifts the second photograph, the one of Josh with his arms around Debby, and picks up a third with it, swallowing hard as he blinks away tears to inspect the next image. What he sees makes his heart stop, and tears stream down his cheeks before he can even properly process what he's looking at. 

Josh stands in his backwards cap, black skinny jeans and a t-shirt bearing the slogan, "Bicycles don't pollute," like the wonderful creature he is, that's not the troubling part. What's making Tyler feel like he's suffocating is the fact that Josh is giving Debby a piggyback ride, supporting her by the thighs, just like he does with Tyler. What's making Tyler feel like he might be sick is the fact that Debby is wearing the exact same camouflage jacket that Tyler has on right now, he must have let her borrow it because she was cold, just like he did with Tyler. But the part that's making him feel as though someone has just stabbed a knife directly into his heart and is twisting it in circles is the fact that the two of them are standing in front of the carnival he and Josh had visited on their first date, in fact they're right in front of the Ferris wheel. _Their_ Ferris wheel. 

Everything he and Josh have done together, everywhere they've been, all of it is tainted with her. She's been everywhere and done everything with Josh before Tyler was ever in the picture. Even their Ferris wheel, even the place that their relationship began, so sweet and innocent, the beginning of all of their memories together, is a place of memories with Debby. 

Tyler drops the pictures onto Josh's bedroom floor. 

And he runs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are the pictures Tyler found in the nightstand drawer:  
> Josh in a café: https://66.media.tumblr.com/91c4de0b568afb0d2816d6f903319be4/tumblr_nndvll3hed1uqug2eo1_500.jpg  
> Josh with his arms around Debby: http://www.dis411.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/debby-ryan-april-23-2014-josh-dun.jpg  
> The worst thing I have ever done to Tyler, I'm so sorry: https://66.media.tumblr.com/358d6eaa9d08f1e54629039c037d2731/tumblr_numn38mTxY1uejjujo1_400.png


	29. Soothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you all still hate me for the ending to that last chapter?  
> I'm really sorry, I know I'm the frickin' worst, but you should forgive me because I only left you hanging for a day.
> 
> Enjoy and stuff.

Tyler runs through Josh's apartment and out the door, not even bothering to shut it behind him. Tears stream down his face as he chokes out sobs, his vision blurred through tears as he continues on with no idea where he's going. He runs through the door to the stairwell and gets down a flight and a half of stairs before he's tearing the jacket he now knows Debby has worn off of his shoulders and throwing it on the ground, then falling backwards to let his back hit the wall. He slides down until he's a crumpled heap on the ground, knees curled in tight to his chest with his arms hugging around them, face buried in the darkness between them, and he cries so hard he almost chokes. 

He can't breathe. He's swallowing hard against the bile he can feel rising up his throat. He just wants to run away, to climb something, to get to a place that's anywhere else but here. It feels like the Hallowe'en party all over again, except worse, because this time it's Josh that doesn't seem to be over Debby and not the other way around. Panic seems to be infiltrating every cell of his body, his heart beating wildly, his mind racing, his chest constricting, his lungs refusing to take in any oxygen. 

He tries to focus on his breathing, just like his doctor always said. In and out, in and out, but every breath turns into another sob and he can't seem to stop. The voice in his head is telling him, 'Josh wouldn't have those pictures if he didn't still love Debby, the only reason he didn't kiss her at the Hallowe'en party is because you were there, he keeps them beside his bed so he must look at them all the time, maybe he's thinking about them when he's in bed with you, he did all these things with Debby first, he wanted to go to the funfair that night because it reminded him of her, he loves her, he doesn't love you, he doesn't love you, he doesn't love you.'

Tyler actually screams out loud in an attempt to make the voice stop, to drown out its vicious words with anything else. The sound must alert Josh to his presence, because Tyler hears his voice faintly, calling out his name, then footsteps on the stairs above him. 

"Tyler?" comes Josh's voice, clearer now, as he runs down the steps, and then he rounds the corner. "Tyler!"

Tyler doesn't move, frozen to his spot on the floor with his back against the wall. He feels Josh crouch down next to him, putting an arm around his shoulders, but he still doesn't move. 

"Tyler, please, look at me," comes Josh's voice again, dripping with concern, and Tyler pulls his tear-stained face from his knees to meet his gaze, tears still streaming from his eyes. "Is this because of the pictures I found lying on my bedroom floor?"

Tyler just nods, wiping his eyes with the heels of his hands and staring down at his feet. As torn up as he feels inside about those photographs, he's now feeling that familiar, old mixture of guilty and childish that he so often does as a consequence of his actions and out-of-control emotions. Josh pulls him in for a hug, and Tyler lets him, focusing all of his energy on not breaking down into Josh's chest. 

"Will you come back into the apartment so we can talk about this?" Josh asks, putting a hand on each of Tyler's shoulders and moving back from the hug to look him in the eyes. 

Again, Tyler just nods. Josh stands up with a sigh and holds out his hands for Tyler to grasp, pulling him to his feet. Josh keeps an arm wrapped around his waist as he leads him back up the stairs, down the hallway and through his front door, which has been left lying open all this time. Tyler isn't sure if Josh's tight grip around his waist is an attempt to comfort him or to ensure he doesn't try to run away again. Guilt bubbles up in his stomach once more. He ran away from Josh, of all people. How worried must he have been when he walked out of the kitchen and Tyler was gone, front door lying open? This is the second time Josh has had to find him when he's run off in a huff, like he's looking after a badly behaved toddler. 

He takes Tyler to the couch in the living room, where so many of their serious and important conversations are had, and sits him down, taking a seat next to him. Tyler notices that Josh has tears threatening to spill down his own cheeks as he searches Tyler's eyes for answers. 

"Ty, you need to believe that Debby doesn't mean anything to me anymore, not like you do. You need to believe that she and I are over. None of that stuff means anything to me anymore," he implores, hugging Tyler close to his chest. 

Tyler can't help the sobs he's wracked with, Josh's words not infiltrating deep enough. The track in his head is still on repeat, 'he doesn't love you, all the places you've been together are places he took her, he keeps pictures of her by his bed, he doesn't have any pictures of you by his bed'.

"B-but the Ferris wheel," Tyler chokes out, a fresh stab of pain shooting through his chest as he remembers the image of the two of them in front of what was, to Tyler, a symbol of his and Josh's relationship. 

"Hey," Josh interrupts, taking Tyler's chin in his hand and moving his face so their eyes can meet, "I don't look at that funfair and see her, Ty. I see you. I see us."

Tyler pulls his face from Josh's hand to bury it in his own, tears streaming down his cheeks again. Debby is everywhere and he can't stand it, the knowledge that she's had all these moments with Josh before Tyler ever did poisoning him. How much of their relationship has been tainted in some way by her? Is there anything that is his and Josh's alone? Or is it all his and Josh's _and Debby's_? He lets out another loud sob at the thought, the idea that she's underneath everything they do together 

"Look, Tyler, I'm sorry I had a girlfriend before you! Jeez, this stuff all happened a year ago, you're being ridiculous!" Josh says in an exasperated voice. 

He looks like he regrets the words as soon as he's said them, but it's too late now. They're said. This is Josh's breaking point, he's finally realising just how needy and pathetic and clingy and jealous Tyler really is. Of course he's being ridiculous, his anxiety, his sadness, he's over dramatic and unnecessarily difficult and no one should have to deal with him. Josh is going to leave, just like Tyler knew he would, and it's his own fault for pushing him away. Tyler stiffens, straightening up with a sniff and wiping his eyes. 

"Shit, Ty, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap," Josh apologises, resting a hand on Tyler's knee. "You're not ridiculous, I'm sorry, I just don't know what to do to make this better."

"No," Tyler utters in a voice so tiny Josh can barely hear it. "No, I am ridiculous. I'm sorry, Josh."

Josh grabs Tyler by the shoulders right as he says his name, and pulls him roughly in for another hug, hands snaking around him and squeezing him tightly with the strong arms that always make him feel so safe, so secure. He hates himself for the way he is, how touchy, how sensitive, how fragile he is, childish and petty. He dissolves into tears once more on Josh's chest, hating himself more still for crying again. 

"Ty," Josh hushes, rocking him from side to side, "baby, you are not ridiculous. That was a fricking horrible thing for me to say, I'm a dipcrap, I'm sorry. I know it's not you, it's your anxiety, it's not fair for me to blame you. I don't blame you."

Tyler tries to argue, tries to tell Josh that he was right, that he knows how stupid and unbearable he's being, but all that comes out is another sob. Josh's arms tighten around him at the sound, and he continues. 

"I love you, Tyler. I love you more than anything in the whole world. It's impossible for me to think about anyone else but you when I look at a Ferris wheel or a waterfall or even a pizza. You're taking over my whole life and I'm okay with that. Just, please, trust me. Please, don't run from me. I'm so sorry I said that, I really am. I understand. I get why you're upset and I'm so sorry I said that."

Tyler lifts his head from Josh's chest, taking shaky, gasping breaths too shallow to fill his lungs. He raises his hands to wipe the tears from his cheeks with the backs of them, certain he looks a complete mess. He clears his throat and tries his best to breathe deeply, then speaks in the same tiny voice as before. 

"It's okay, Josh," he assures him, spending a disproportionate amount of his energy on not crying. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm so broken and sad all the time, I really don't mean to be. I love you too."

Josh pulls him back into his chest, hugging him tightly and talking into his ear in a low voice, "Tyler, you are not broken. I've told you before, nothing about you is broken. Even right now, you're the loveliest thing I've ever seen. You have nothing to apologise for, you didn't do anything wrong. We can throw all of those photos away, if you like. Right now."

Tyler could burst into tears again, this time with guilt. Josh puts up with so much from him, his anxiety, his depression, his jealousy, his clinginess, he takes it all with a smile. Even now, when Tyler is being so childish, crying and running from some photographs taken before he and Josh had ever met. He knows it's so unfair, but he can't help the part of himself that's still so crushed that the place that had marked the start of their relationship also marked a time in Josh's relationship with Debby, too. The voice in his head is still spitting worries and doubts so quickly it's hard for Tyler to keep up with his own train of thought. 

"No, it's okay. I'm not being fair, Josh. I'm sorry I got so sad," Tyler tries, but Josh cuts him off. 

"I told you, you have nothing to apologise for, Ty. You're not doing this on purpose, don't ever apologise for being sad," he counters, giving him another squeeze around the waist. "I had completely forgotten those pictures were even in there. I have no need for 'em, we can throw 'em out."

Tyler looks up from Josh's chest to see him smiling and attempts one in return. 

"That night when we drove past the funfair, I didn't think about her for a second. All I was thinking about was spending the night with you, seeing you smile. I understand why you hate her so much, after what she did, but please trust me. I couldn't want anyone else in the whole world after knowing what it's like to have you, Ty," Josh hushes, running a hand through Tyler's hair. 

He feels terrible, for having doubted Josh, for having acted the way he did, for running away. He feels terrible for listening to the evil inside his own head rather than believing in his boyfriend. He feels terrible for having worried Josh over such a trivial thing. It's just like his pinky promise with Brendon all over again, such a silly thing blown out of proportion by Tyler's insecurities. 

"I'm sorry," Tyler says again, and Josh looks as though he's about to tell him off for apologising again, so he keeps going before he can be interrupted. "I shouldn't have run. I shouldn't have freaked out. I just-" 

Tyler takes a deep breath, gathering his courage in order to say what it is that's burning to get out. He wants to get all of these thoughts out of his head before they eat him alive, but he's so terrified of what Josh will think of him once he's spread open and laid bare. His worries are so vast in number, so overwhelmingly strong, how could Josh possibly love him once he sees how weak he is? He closes his eyes and forces himself to speak before he loses his nerve entirely, talking into Josh's chest. 

"I just don't want to lose you. I'm scared, Josh, I'm so frickin' scared. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I can't imagine my life without you, I'm just waiting for the day when you've had enough of me being so sad and clingy and whiny all the time and you tell me you don't want me anymore and I don't know how to deal with it, so I run," he cringes at his own words, his desperation being vocalised making him feel more pathetic than ever. 

"Tyler, baby, I love you, but you are so stupid sometimes," Josh laughs, and Tyler looks up, worried. "You've gotta be blind if you can't see how crazy, head-over-heels I am about you. I've told you before, I am not going anywhere, and I mean it. I would be the world's biggest idiot if I ever let you go."

He plants a kiss to Tyler's forehead and his tears have stopped, but the tightness in his chest remains. There's got to be only so much of his baggage Josh can take before he gives up and leaves. Everybody has their tipping point, and Tyler seems to have a talent for finding it with almost everyone he's ever met. 

"Y'know," Josh hums quietly, a little smile on his lips, "it took seven months for my mom to demand to meet Debby. With you, it took two. She's never met any guy I've dated. You're the first non-female love interest of mine she's ever even really acknowledged. That's kind of a big deal."

He's grinning now, and Tyler's stomach flips at his words, his heart fluttering. If that's true, that means Josh talks to his mother more about Tyler than he did with Debby. That means even Josh's mom thinks their relationship is serious. That means tomorrow night is _even more_ important than he'd initially thought. 

"Oh God, why would you tell me that," Tyler groans. "I mean that is adorable and amazing and everything but I think I might vomit, how am I gonna make them like me? What am I gonna do about my neck?!"

Josh laughs at this, and leans over to peck kisses all over Tyler's face, grinning every time his lips break contact with his skin. It makes Tyler feel like the human personification of a sunrise. All the grey inside him slowly lighting up with a golden glow, heaviness lifting until he's floating on clouds with Josh's lips all over his face and his laughter in his ears. As always, without fail, Josh talks him off his ledge, picks him up off the ground, encourages him to keep going. Even at his lowest, jealous and needy and shameful, Josh is there to love him. 

"We need to get you out of your head, Ty," Josh chuckles as he puts an end to his onslaught of kisses. "My family will love you. We'll get Hayley to put make up on you before we go. We'll throw out the photos. But first, _please_ , lemme get that metal out of your finger."

"Oh," Tyler says softly. 

He had completely forgotten that he'd been cut on the railing of the fire escape at The Ridges. He looks down at his hands to see the fingers of one covered in crusting, dried blood and a few smudges of it on his forearms. 

"Yeah, okay, we can do that," he agrees in the same, small voice, and Josh smiles. 

He stands up from the couch and grabs Tyler's uninjured hand, pulling him to his feet and leading him by the hand into his kitchen. Josh digs a sewing kit out of a cabinet above the kitchen counter and drops a sewing needle into his kettle to boil it. While they wait for the water to come to a rolling boil, he crosses the room to wrap his arms around Tyler and hold him close to his chest. Again, Tyler isn't sure if this is a gesture of comfort or an attempt to stop him from running, but he collapses into Josh's body, clinging to him, until the kettle switch flicks off. 

Using a damp cloth and warm water, Josh cleans up the dried blood from Tyler's fingers, arms and, apparently, his face, then pours the boiled water through a sieve to get the needle back. 

"I am really, really sorry for this," he smiles apologetically, then takes Tyler's finger and begins digging the tiny splinter of metal out of his flesh. 

It hurts, but Tyler doesn't make a sound. Partly because he feels like he deserves to be in pain right now, but mostly because he doesn't want to whine or moan or complain to Josh for another second. It's all he ever does, and Josh has to put up with so much of it. He's decided he's going to start making a conscious effort to do just what Josh said, get out of his head. 

"C'mon, you bastard," Josh mutters to Tyler's finger as he pokes around, then lets out a triumphant, "Aha! I win!" as he finally completes his operation, extracting the sliver of metal. 

"Thank you," Tyler smiles, pecking a kiss to Josh's lips, then muttering against them, "I love you, Josh. You're always so good to me."

"I love you too, baby boy," Josh grins, pressing their lips together again, then taking Tyler by the hand and leading him from the kitchen. 

Tyler holds up the hand Josh isn't clutching, the one that's just had surgery, and realises that blood is beading at the tiny cut again. He wipes it away on his jeans as he follows Josh into the bedroom, where they end up standing in front of Josh's bedside table. Tyler feels himself starting to panic again. He really, really doesn't want to get another look at that photograph. He watches as Josh pulls open the third drawer, the one Tyler hadn't reached, where a collection of pins and a pair of tweezers sit clearly amongst the debris. He grabs a little plastic bottle that Tyler first mistakes as lubricant, but as he squirts out a little of the gel inside and rubs it into Tyler's cut finger where it stings and evaporates, he realises it's a hand sanitiser. Once Josh seems satisfied with his work, he caps the bottle again, putting it back in the drawer and then lifting a little cardboard box and handing it over to Tyler. 

"Pick one," he beams.

Tyler looks down at the box and sees he's been handed a variety of animal covered band-aids. He giggles as he sits down on the edge of the bed, inspecting each of the designs. He feels like a little kid again, when he would love scratching up his knees playing with his brother in the woods, because it would mean getting a colourful, band-aid badge of honour on each knee from his mother when he returned home. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Josh holding a stack of photographs, flicking through them and, every now and then, carelessly frisbeeing one down on the bed. Tyler makes sure to keep his eyes averted from the pictures being expelled from the stack and goes back to his choices. 

"I think I'm gonna go for the hippos," he tells Josh, rifling through the box's contents and ripping off a square from a perforated strip once he finds the right one. 

"Good choice!" Josh smiles, coming to the end of the stack of photos and putting the ones Tyler is guessing are Debby-unrelated back in the drawer. "The kitties were always my favourite, but you prolly could have guessed that."

"I very nearly went for lions, but hippos have pink milk and they sweat blood and use it as their own, built in sunscreen. That speaks to me," Tyler smiles, and Josh bursts out laughing. 

"Yo, hippos go hard when it comes to sun safety!" he chuckles, and Tyler giggles with him. 

Closing his drawers back up, Josh crosses the room and picks up a little stuffed dog plushie from his shelf against the wall, then goes back to his bed to gather up the dozen photos strewn across it. Once he's got them in a neat pile, he reaches out for Tyler's hand again and leads him back to the kitchen where he takes him to a cabinet, standing on his tip toes and searching out a mug printed with a picture of a cat in a bow tie. With his random assortment of items in one hand, still holding Tyler's in his other, he leads him to the front door and out of the apartment. 

"Where are we going?" Tyler asks, cocking a brow quizzically, but his question is soon answered. 

They walk around twenty feet away from Josh's front door, left lying open behind them, to the trash chute for the building floor. Josh lets go of Tyler's hand to pull it open, then dumps everything in his hand down the hatch. Tyler gets a glimpse of long blonde hair and pouting lips in one of the photos before they're all cascading down the cavern to a dumpster far below, mug clanging against the metal walls on the way down. 

"There, she's gone," Josh smiles, closing the chute again and dusting off his hands. 

He outstretches an arm again to intertwine his fingers with Tyler's, then tugs him back towards the apartment door. 

"Thank you, Jishwa," Tyler murmurs once they're back in the apartment, still feeling a little guilty and a lot childish that Josh had to go to such lengths for him. 

"I'd do anything for you, Ty," Josh smiles, pressing their lips together briefly. "Throwing away some old junk is hardly a big favour."

"It's not just that. For putting up with me, for dealing with the way I am, for-" Tyler stops as Josh cuts in. 

"I'm gonna stop you there. I am not 'putting up' or 'dealing' with you, Ty. I'm lucky to have you!" he says, wrapping his arms around Tyler's waist and pressing their foreheads together. "Every minute I have with you is amazing, okay? Don't ever think that I'm just enduring time with you, I'm always loving it, no matter what. Even if you're sad, or if you're worried, or if you're sick. As long as I'm with you, I'm happy, okay?" 

Tyler answers him with a forceful kiss, shoving his lips into Josh's and pulling his bottom lip into his mouth. His hands come up to tangle in Josh's hair, tugging gently as his tongue breaches Tyler's mouth. Their tongues dance around one another in a tango they know too well, a perfectly synchronised tangle with each other as they battle for dominance. Tyler lets out a little whine through his nose as Josh deepens the kiss and he pushes back. They kiss for minutes like this, before finally breaking away for air. 

"You're perfect, Josh," Tyler huffs, trying to catch his breath. "Everything you say, everything you do, you're just so perfect. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Ty," Josh smiles, pecking a tiny, delicate little kiss to his upper lip. "I want to make sure you sleep well tonight. You need it. What would you say to a spliff and some chamomile tea?"

"Add some cuddles and you've got yourself a deal!" Tyler grins, and Josh chuckles. 

"Cuddles are _always_ a part of the deal," he grins, squeezing Tyler around the waist again before moving to boil more water. 

**-**

Josh doesn't want to let Tyler go, even for a second. They're on the floor of their blanket fort, the duvet and pillows from his bed brought back in, watching cartoons and passing a joint back and forth. At first, they had been sitting side by side, Josh with a hand on Tyler's thigh, sipping their cups of tea, but that hadn't been enough. Josh had then pulled Tyler over to rest his head on his shoulder, and soon to lie down with his head on Josh's knee, but neither of those had been enough. He now has Tyler in his lap, sitting with his legs crossed on the ground and his boyfriend sitting in the gap in the middle of his legs. He has both arms around his waist and he keeps pecking little kisses into Tyler's neck, but he doesn't seem to mind. 

Josh can't shake the guilt of what he had said to Tyler earlier in the evening, telling his anxious and insecure boyfriend in the throes of a panic attack that he was "being ridiculous". He had just been so frustrated, had felt so helpless, but Josh has been in Tyler's shoes, panicking himself into a mess over a text from Tim. The last thing he would have wanted to hear from Tyler when he'd called him that morning was that he was "being ridiculous". Tyler keeps brushing it off and telling Josh it's fine with each new apology, but he still feels awful. 

"I sent Hayley a text by the way," Josh smiles as Tyler passes the joint back to him, exhaling a breath of smoke. "She says we can head over to her before we leave and she'll try to cover up your neck. It's getting better though!"

"Yeah, except you gave me two new hickeys on Tuesday," Tyler smirks, shoving him a little. 

Josh laughs in huge clouds of fog as Tyler pushes him, "You know what, I'm not even gonna pretend like I'm sorry about it."

"Jerk," Tyler giggles, shuffling himself around in Josh's lap to rest a head on his shoulder. 

"You getting sleepy?" Josh asks, looking down to see Tyler nodding into his shoulder. 

He slides Tyler from his position between his legs and lays out flat on his back, putting an arm out for Tyler to join him. He collapses beside Josh with a thump, curling up into his side and resting his head on Josh's chest, eyes closed with a little smile on his lips. Wrapping an arm around Tyler's waist and taking a draw of the joint in his other hand, Josh stares up at the blankets pinned to the roof, thinking about the next evening. He's a little anxious himself about how the night may go, although he wouldn't dream of admitting it to Tyler. He's panicking enough as it is. Josh can't help but worry, just a little, over how the interactions between Tyler and his family are going to know, especially with his father. Josh has never once mentioned his bisexuality to his dad, though he knows his mother told him everything as soon as his disastrous coming-out phone call had ended. He isn't really sure what to expect. 

He looks down to ask Tyler a question and sees him fast asleep already, eyelids twitching a little with dreams. Josh lets out a quiet chuckle, taking another draw. Really, it doesn't make a lick of difference whether or not his family like or approve of Tyler, it isn't going to change anything, but it would certainly make things a lot easier if they decide to like him. He can't understand how anyone could possibly feel anything but love for the adorable boy slumbering on his chest, and his mother is already sold. His father is the greatest hurdle, but they can cross it once they start the race. 

Finishing off the end of his joint and taking the last few gulps of his now tepid tea, Josh wraps both arms around Tyler and settles himself down to sleep. It's still only late evening, and he'd usually be up until the early hours of the morning, but the soft breathing and occasional hums coming from the boy on his chest act as a lullaby and he's drifting off within minutes. 

**-**

"Okay, Tyler, look up," Hayley tells him, holding a little wand in the fingers of one hand loaded with beige goo.

He does as he's told, extending his neck to let her get to work covering up the array of purple and red marks on his skin. Josh is leaning against the wall in the corner of Hayley's bathroom, twiddling his hair between his fingers in front of the bathroom mirror. 

Tyler had spent an age stressing about what he was going to wear, eventually settling on casual under Josh's instructions. He opted for a plain black button down and some black skinny jeans, just skating the line of "dressing up", while his pink haired companion sports his standard long, baggy, low cut tank top and some jeans with ripped knees. Josh could have decided to wear sweatpants, really. It's his own family, he has nobody to impress. But Tyler's starting to regret his decision a little now, fearing that the collar of his shirt will end up orange with the smudges of Hayley's make up. She had promised to stay away from the fabric, so he's just trusting her and hoping for the best. 

"So what's Josh's mom like?" Tyler asks Hayley with a smile as she dabs make up onto his neck. "Should I be scared?"

"Of Laura? God no! She's great," Hayley smiles sweetly, blending out the make up with a finger. "If you're lucky she'll break out the old photo albums and you'll get to see Josh taking a bath in the sink."

Tyler bursts out laughing at this, hoping with all his heart that he gets to see pictures of Josh as a baby. Only seconds later, there's a sharp rapping at the door and Hayley leaves her concealer on the side of the sink to go and answer it. 

"I swear to God we're leaving if those photo albums come out," Josh scowls from the mirror and Tyler grins at him. 

"You can't take that away from me! That's one of the best parts of meeting moms," he pleads, then hushes Josh as he hears a familiar voice from Hayley's front door. 

"Is Tyler here?" comes the voice.

"Brendon?!" Tyler calls out into the dorm room, and moments later Brendon is barging into the bathroom. 

"Tyler Joseph, how very dare you! I haven't heard from you since the beginning of the gig and now you're coming home and not even telling me?! How could you do that to your own mother?!" he cries dramatically, a hand over his heart. 

"Brendon, I am literally driving an hour and a half to get back home and not telling my actual mother, don't give me your crap! I'll be back in the dorm in, like, two days. You can tell me all the ways I've disappointed you then," Tyler snaps, and Hayley sniggers as she moves on to sponging foundation over his hickeys. 

"What's with all the face paint?" Brendon asks, hands on his hips.

"Oh, we're going to Josh's mom's house, so, y'know..." Tyler trails off, not meeting his friend's eyes. 

"Ah, don't want her to know what a kinky slut you are, huh?" Brendon nods understandingly, and Josh snorts with laughter. 

"Not all moms are like you, Brendon. I have a feeling it probably wouldn't be the classiest first impression a boy could make," he replies, screwing up his face at his friend, who nods again. 

"Yeah, I don't think you do classy, Tyler. But I was actually gonna text you, I have _so much_ to tell you, you don't even know. Are you gonna be back here on Saturday?" Brendon's eyes sparkle with whatever gossip he's dying to get out, and it makes Tyler smile. 

Having Josh around him all day every day means that Tyler hasn't even noticed it, but he's really missed Brendon this past week. They haven't spent this much time apart since Brendon went on vacation with his parents when they were fifteen. He finds himself quite excited at the idea of sitting down to just talk with his best friend again. He realises with another start that, without Brendon's daily reminders, he's been forgetting to take his medication every day. That could possibly explain why he'd been so drastically effected by seeing Josh's photographs the day before. 

"Yeah, Josh goes back to work then so I'll be here on Saturday morning," he smiles, and Brendon looks pleased. 

"Okay, good! We can talk then, just _wait_ 'til you hear, oh my God! Good luck with your whole gross, serious-relationship, parents thing," he teases, winking at Tyler as he turns in the doorway. "Have fun! Behave! Et cetera!"

"Bye, mom!" Tyler calls as he walks out of the bathroom, and then he's gone. 

"God bless anybody who has to bring _him_ home to meet their parents," Hayley mutters under her breath, and Josh and Tyler both laugh. 

Poor Ryan. 

Hayley wraps a towel around Tyler's shoulders to protect his shirt as she dusts powder over the make up on his neck, then steps back to admire her work. 

"Woah," Josh marvels as he turns to have a look himself. "Good frickin' job! You can't see anything."

He pats Hayley on the shoulder and she grins, motioning for Tyler to get up and check out her handiwork in the mirror. Tyler does, and he's amazed by what he sees. Despite how much paler Hayley's skin is than his own, she's managed to find make up that suits his skin tone perfectly, blending in seamlessly with the rest of his neck. Josh is right, any marks on his skin are completely imperceptible under the foundation. She pulls out a little spray bottle of some clear liquid and squirts it over his neck. 

"That stuff'll make it last all day. You could go swimming and it won't come off," she smiles, and Tyler pulls her in for a quick hug. 

"Thank you so frickin' much, Hayley. For real. I so appreciate this," he grins. 

With the worry of hickeys and handprints off his mind, Tyler feels suddenly lighter, a good portion of dread lifting off his chest at the prospect of meeting Josh's parents. At least that's one thing off the long list of anxieties he has about the evening. 

"Don't mention it!" she smiles, patting him on the shoulder. "And don't worry. It's gonna be so fine, I swear."

He gives her another brief hug at the comforting words, and then Josh moves over to wrap his arms around the two of them, shouting, "Group hug!"

"Okay, kiddo," he says once their hug has split, taking Tyler by the hand, "we should probably hit the road. Thanks again, Hales, that was sick!"

"It's fine! You guys have fun, I'll see ya soon," she smiles walking them to the front door of her dorm. 

They say their final goodbyes, and Josh leads Tyler by the hand over to the elevator, smiling. 

"Okay, I'll make you a deal. We can stay for _one_ photo album. But if she breaks out the home movies, _then_ we're outta there," he offers, smirking a little. 

"Okay, deal!" Tyler agrees with a satisfied smile, and Josh chuckles, pressing a kiss to his forehead. 

*****

Their car journey passes by so quickly that Tyler is truly shocked to see the sign signifying the start of Columbus ground. He takes in a deep breath, everything coming a lot faster than he was prepared for. Josh's hand squeezes his thigh reassuringly as he slows to meet the speed limit. The winter sun's already starting to set as they make their way through the streets, a pinkish orange glow settling around them from both the sunset and the streetlights.

"My mom would probably have two haemorrhages if she knew I was here without telling her," Tyler notes as they drive, only about ten minutes away from his house. 

"We could visit her too, if you like?" Josh offers, and Tyler practically chokes on his laughter. 

"God, no! I'll keep my visitations to the mandatory ones, thank you very much," he says, and Josh chuckles. 

It's not that he doesn't want to see his mother, it's that he would have to explain to her why on Earth he was back in Columbus in early November when she wasn't expecting to see him until his birthday in early December. He'd have to either come up with a lie to tell her or just come out to her, neither of which were options he liked the sound of. Maybe, some day, Tyler will be bringing Josh back to Columbus to meet his parents. Some day. But for now, he'll just slink around his hometown streets in secrecy and hope none of his family members have decided to take a stroll in suburbia. 

They drive for another five minutes or so, until Josh is indicating to pull up on the pavement outside a small house, half brick and half wooden panelling. He gives Tyler's thigh another squeeze as he unbuckles his seatbelt and opens the door to step out into the cool, crisp, evening air. Tyler follows suit, dread building in his stomach and panic tightening in his chest. He isn't ready for this. Josh is already walking up the driveway, so he closes the car door and jogs to catch up.

They step up onto the front porch of Josh's family home, clear glass door in front of them, and Tyler is on the brink of a panic attack. It's as though Josh can sense it, any time Tyler gets anxious. His hand pauses just as he's about to knock on the window of the front door. 

"Hey, Ty, you okay?" he asks, turning to face him. 

Tyler takes a deep breath as his stomach twists. He feels as though he might vomit, and wouldn't that just be the most wonderful first impression? Josh's mother answering the door and Tyler projectile vomiting right in her face. 

"I don't think I can do this, Jish," Tyler almost whispers, and Josh takes his hand, threading their fingers together. 

"Tyler, my mom loves you already," he smiles. "You don't have to impress her, she's already impressed. She knows how much I love you, how happy you make me. Just relax, baby boy."

He presses a kiss to Tyler's forehead and, as always, Josh knows exactly what to say to calm him down, right down to the sweet little pet name that makes Tyler's stomach flip. He smiles and nods at Josh, who gives his hand a quick squeeze and keeps their fingers intertwined as he reaches up to knock on the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, dinner was 100% supposed to happen in this chapter, but YOU KNOW ME! I'd gotten just shy of 7k words deep and that was only gonna double at the dinner table, so you all have to wait, it's another cliffhanger, I'm still terrible.


	30. Bonding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daaaaaamn, Daniel! Back at it again with the writing over 7k words and only working through a few hours of one evening!
> 
> (Okay, this is literally the longest chapter I've ever written? Oops. NOW DO YOU SEE WHY I HAD TO SPLIT IT INTO TWO?! Fluff and angst and other things *wiggly eyebrows*)
> 
> Enjoy and stuff.

Josh knocks on the door and Tyler takes in a deep gulp of air, holding his breath. His heart is pounding, his torso is constricting like a balloon is slowly being inflated in his chest cavity and he can feel his palms sweating, but Josh is still clutching his hand and that alone keeps him from tipping over the edge. It takes only seconds for Josh's mother to appear in the front hall.

Before she even opens the door, his mother lets out an almighty screech of, "Joshua William Dun, what on God's green Earth have you done to your hair now?!"

Josh giggles and shrugs, "Technically, he did it," he smirks, pointing to Tyler, who shoves him. 

"Hey!" he protests, then turns to Josh's mom, "Only because he told me to, I _swear_. When it was red before, I had nothing to do with that!"

"Tattletale," Josh teases, shoving Tyler back. 

"You started it!" Tyler cries, crossing his arm with a pout. 

Mrs Dun chuckles from the doorway and Tyler realises in horror that the first impression has already been made, and it was one of him acting like a two year old. He blushes a violent shade of red as Josh walks up to her and pulls her in for a tight, squeezing hug. She wraps her arms around him, hugging back just as tightly, and in her face Tyler sees all of her love, all the pain of having missed her son and all the joy of having him back home. It all reads in her expression, and Tyler can already tell he's going to like her. 

"See, I don't know these things because you never come and visit me!" she scolds Josh with a smile, ruffling his bright pink hair. 

He scowls, hands immediately going to fix his disheveled locks, and Mrs Dun turns to Tyler. 

"Please, excuse my son for being so rude and not properly introducing us," she says with a warm smile. "You must be Tyler! It's so nice to finally meet you."

Tyler extends a hand towards Josh's mother to shake hers, but she ignores it and pulls him in for a hug just as tight as the one she'd given Josh. He feels awkward for just a second, but hugs her back with a nervous giggle. 

"It's nice to meet you too, Mrs Dun," he smiles, trying his best to keep his nerves out of his voice. 

"Oh don't be silly, dear! Call me Laura," she beams, stepping back to show them into the house. She turns to Josh, then, and tells him, "Dinner won't be ready for another hour, I'm running late. Ashley's not home tonight, but Jordan and Abbey are waiting ever so patiently on the couch for you."

Laura heads back towards the kitchen and Josh looks over at Tyler with a smile. He gulps, swallowing the ball of anxiety building in his throat, ignoring the pounding beat of his heart, and manages a smile back. Josh wordlessly extends a hand towards him and he snatches it quickly, so grateful to be clinging onto him again. Having Josh's fingers laced between his own fills him with newfound courage and he gives Josh a slight nod, then follows his lead into the living room. 

They open the door into a small sitting room, red and cream walls housing shelves filled to bursting with objects obviously holding sentimental value. Framed photographs, porcelain ornaments and potted plants line the shelves between plaques that profess the importance of faith, family and friends. The three values are printed across items in the room repeatedly, and are the sole words gracing a black, wooden hanging that sits above the white brick fireplace. 

Josh turns to his siblings who are sat on a sofa facing the television, his brother in the midst of his teenage years and his little sister only just starting them. They tear their eyes from the talent competition they're watching on T.V. to stare expectantly at Josh, and then their gaze shifts to Tyler. 

"Is that your boyfriend?" Josh's sister asks, looking amused as her eyes shine with glee. 

"Yup," Josh grins at her. "Abbey, Jordan, this is Tyler. Tyler, this is Abbey, and that's Jordan," he introduces, gesturing to his sister and brother respectively. 

"Hi," Tyler smiles, feeling intensely uncomfortable under the stares of Josh's siblings. 

"Yo," Jordan acknowledges, then turns his eyes back to the screen, but Abbey keeps staring. 

"So do you guys, like, kiss and stuff?" she hushes, looking awestruck. 

Jordan lets out a shout of laughter as he brings his attention back to the conversation, waiting for Josh's reply. Tyler squirms at the question, feeling his face heat up with a blush as he looks down at his feet. 

"Yup!" Josh grins again, and Abbey giggles. 

"How come you get to have a boyfriend and I don't? It's not fair," she pouts, and Josh chuckles. 

"I'm a grown up, Abs. Mom and dad aren't allowed to tell me what to do anymore. You should listen to 'em, though. Homework is more important than boys anyway," he laughs as she screws up her face. 

"Not more important than Kyle Prescott. He's in my class, he's so cool. He can do tricks on his skateboard and last week he called one of our teachers a..." she pauses, looking around the room to ensure it's parent free, then whispers the word, " _bitch_ ," bursting into a fit of giggles once it's said. 

"He doesn't sound very cool, Abbey. He sounds like a jerk. Do your math," Josh grins, then he takes Tyler's hand to pull him towards the door again. 

"Where are you going?" she cries, sounding disappointed as Josh reaches for the door handle. 

"I'm taking Tyler up to my room," he says, then looks at his sister over his shoulder with a sly smile. "We're going to _kiss and stuff_."

"I'm telling!" she gasps, but Josh just chuckles and pulls Tyler through the door. 

Tyler laughs with him as he's lead by the hand to a narrow staircase bordered by a white bannister. The stairs creak under their feet as they climb them, more pictures stretched on canvasses lining the wall beside them. Tyler grins as he gets glimpses of Josh as a child, then pulls him to a stop as he comes to one picture, hanging in a frame, close to the top of the staircase. 

"Oh my God, look at you," he giggles, taking in the image. 

Josh's hair is dyed black and has been brushed and straightened into a long, sweeping fringe that covers one eye. He has a labret piercing and a ring through the middle of his bottom lip, and he wears several necklaces. He has the same, beaming smile, though, nose scrunched up and eyes crinkling at the corners as he grins. 

"I was, like, seventeen, shut up," Josh laughs embarrassedly ahead of him, but Tyler shakes his head. 

"You look totally adorable," he smiles, and lets himself be tugged onward. 

They pass several doors in the landing until Josh stops outside one, still adorned with a, ' **DO NOT ENTER** , sign, presumably pasted onto it in a fit of angst during his teenage years. 

"Punk rock," Tyler giggles as he sees the poster. 

"You know it," Josh grins, pushing the door open and bringing Tyler into his bedroom. 

The room is small, and feels smaller still given the dark paint on the walls hidden behind a plethora of posters. Band names, some that Tyler recognises but many that he doesn't, adorn the hangings on every surface of the room's walls, as well as album covers and a few photographs. Tyler lets Josh's hand go to get a closer look and sees that Hayley features heavily in a lot of the pictures. He smiles at one in particular, she has her hair up in two cute, messy buns at the sides of her head and is covered in patches of colourful, powder paint. Josh stands with his arm around her in a red beanie hat, smiling warmly. It fills Tyler with that same longingly fuzzy feeling he'd had the day before when he saw the photograph of Josh in a café, a yearning nostalgia for an event he didn't witness. 

He feels Josh's arms snake around his waist from behind and turns to face him, being met with Josh standing on his tiptoes to press a gentle kiss to his forehead. Josh shuffles backwards to his bed, not taking his arms from around Tyler's waist, and falls down onto his back on the mattress, bringing Tyler down on top of him. He giggles a little as he presses a soft kiss to Josh's lips.

"Your family seem really nice," he smiles, pushing himself up with a hand on either side of Josh's head to look at him. 

"Yeah, they are. Although be prepared for Abbey, she's like that literally all the time," he smirks, reaching his head up to peck another kiss to Tyler's lips. 

"That's okay, she's sweet," he giggles, then lowers himself back down for their lips to connect properly. 

Their kiss starts off slow, open mouths and lips brushing against each other gently, but it doesn't take long for a fire to light underneath it. Josh sucks Tyler's bottom lip into his mouth, dragging his teeth along it softly as he pulls back, and Tyler can't help the tiny moan that escapes him. His noises always spur Josh on, this time being no exception. He crashes his mouth into Tyler's, swallowing the noise as their tongues meet and swirl around one another. 

Tyler grinds his hips down into his boyfriend's as they kiss and he earns himself a groan as Josh bucks back up to meet the movement. This is enough to set Tyler's hips off into a steady rhythm, rolling down into him over and over, keeping time with his roaming tongue, and soon Josh is rock hard under him. Tyler, the cretin he is, finds himself really getting off on the thought of the two of them being caught by one of Josh's family members. He breaks away from Josh's mouth to kiss along his jaw, down his neck, trailing across his chest and shifting himself lower and lower, reaching his stomach and not stopping. 

Tyler looks up to see Josh's eyes growing wide as he drops down off the bed and onto his knees on the floor, between his legs. He hooks his fingers under the waistband of Josh's jeans and starts tugging them down, pushing his oversized tank top up to reveal the skin of his stomach, and pressing kisses all over it. 

"Fuuuuuck, Tyler," he groans out, barely louder than a whisper. "We can't..." he protests, but he lifts his hips nonetheless to allow Tyler's tugging hands to pull his jeans down. 

Tyler lets out an involuntary little moan as he sees the outline of Josh's rock hard length through the fabric of his boxers, and looks back up into his eyes. He moves his head forward to press open-mouthed kisses over his head, meeting his gaze the whole time. 

"Please, Joshie," he whines quietly, pulling his pouting lips away. "Let me taste you," he whispers, and Josh lets out a tortured groan at his words. 

"Fuuuuuuck, baby," he hushes, bucking his hips a little and making Tyler smirk. "If we make any noise, we're screwed."

"I promise I'll be so quiet. You can fuck my mouth to shut me up" he purrs, and Josh's head drops back onto the bed. 

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck, Ty," he growls, louder this time. 

It's a sentiment Tyler seems to pull from Josh a lot when he's hard, and he always loves hearing it. Josh's head shoots back up as Tyler's fingers slip under the waistband of his underwear to tug them down too. He stands up briefly, letting Tyler pull his boxers to his knees, and he lets out the same little gasp he always does as Josh's rock hard cock bounces free of the fabric. He sits again, this time right at the edge of the bed, his hands in Tyler's hair. 

"Jesus Christ. I have never, ever done this at home before, we are so gonna get caught," Josh whispers, and excitement spikes through Tyler's chest at his words. 

Looking up at Josh's face, he wraps a hand firmly around the base of his cock and brings his head forward to tease his tongue across the tip, dipping into his slit and making Josh hiss above him. 

"Fuck, Ty, please," he groans out quietly, and Tyler doesn't need any more encouragement. 

He takes Josh into his mouth and removes his hand to slide his length down his throat, gagging around Josh's head as he bottoms out, nose pressed to his stomach. 

"Oh, holy fuck, yes," Josh whispers, his hips bucking forward just a little and wrenching another gag from Tyler, making him groan again. 

Tyler slowly draws his length all the way back out, licking and sucking at his head with watering eyes, only to take him back down again with another gag. Josh is whispering encouragements and biting his lips to hold back groans as Tyler sucks him up and down, tongue tracing patterns along the underside of his shaft, but Josh's hands are sitting still in his hair. Tyler brings his own hands up to cover Josh's and forces him to push his head up and down, tearing a dangerously loud groan from him. 

"Fucking hell, Tyler, you are going to be the death of me," he growls under his breath, tugging Tyler's head back roughly only to shove him back down again. 

Another heavy gag tears through Tyler as Josh's head rams into the back of his throat, and he hears a guttural noise issue from above him as his hips start bucking, fucking his mouth just like Tyler had asked him to. He tries his best to hold in his gags as Josh thrusts into him over and over, heaving silently as his mouth is abused. A part of him wants to let go and release the moans he's clinging to desperately, letting the whole house hear him get his throat fucked, but he knows that on-the-floor-giving-her-son-head is no way for any mother to find a new boyfriend, and he really does need to make a good first impression.

Josh is making the most beautiful noises, his eyes shut tight and his face screwed up as he thrusts wildly into Tyler's mouth, tiny little high pitched moans that trail off in his efforts not to be heard. They're the kind of moans Tyler rarely gets to hear from him but craves so strongly, and he's getting an abundance of them as he licks and sucks Josh up and down. He loses his grip on a groan himself, letting it out through Josh's length after a hard gag, and Josh throws his head back at the sensation of Tyler's voice around him. 

"Fuck, baby, you're gonna make me come," he croaks out in a harsh, throaty whisper before trailing off into another quiet, high pitched moan as his hips keep up their relentless rhythm. 

Tyler hums his approval, taking back control to speed up his movements, twisting his head around from side to side as he takes Josh's cock as deep as he can, still gagging every other thrust. He sucks hard, tongue zigzagging rapidly as he shoves his head back and forth as fast as he can manage. Josh's hips still buck into him hard, and his fingers are still buried in his hair, but he leaves Tyler to his art form, not forcing his head up and down. He continues to fuck his mouth unceasingly, bucking through his gags until saliva is running down his chin, and Josh swears at the sight of Tyler staring up at him, eyes streaming, nose running, cock disappearing down his throat and spit dribbling from his lips.

"Fuuuuuck, Ty, you're so good. You're so gorgeous," he whines, high pitched moans getting louder as the rhythm of his slamming hips falters. 

Tyler lets out another another groan around him, sucking so hard his lips start to sting from where they're covering his teeth and taking him so deep he's gagging again. He watches Josh's face screw up again as his thrusts become sloppy, and he shoves his mouth right down to squash his nose against Josh's stomach. A final, rough gag tears through him as Josh's mouth falls open in a silent scream and he tips over the edge, come throbbing out of him and down Tyler's throat. 

He swallows hard around him, still sliding his head slowly up and down until Josh's grip in his hair loosens, then he pulls away with a 'pop'. Tyler drags himself up onto the bed from the floor and collapses on his back, clearing his throat which feels gravelly and hoarse. Josh wobbles as he stands briefly to pull his clothes back up his legs, then flops down on the bed next to Tyler, panting as he pulls him close into his side. 

"Holy fucking shit," he breathes, laughing a little. "I swear, there's never gonna be a time where you don't blow my mind when you do that."

Tyler giggles into this chest, rolling back to look up at him and receiving a gentle kiss on the forehead. He shimmies closer to Josh on the bed, tangling their legs together and pressing a kiss to Josh's neck. 

"You definitely look like you've just been sucked off," Tyler smirks up at him after a few minutes of blissful cuddling. "And I'd be willing to bet my last dollar I look like I've just sucked you off. We should definitely fix ourselves up before we go back downstairs."

"Yeah, you look utterly destroyed right now, it's beautiful," Josh grins, leaning down to give him a gentle kiss. "C'mon, there's a bathroom next door, let's get you cleaned up."

Josh stands again, buttoning up his jeans, before turning to take Tyler's hand and lead him from the room. They dart out into the hallway and quickly through the door next to Josh's bedroom, Josh flicking on the light to reveal a bathroom just as small and cosy as everywhere else in the house. He grabs a towel to rub down his face, then moves to the mirror to try taming his curly, pink hair while Tyler bends over the sink to wash his face, taking careful precautions not to touch the make up on his neck. He's glad to see none of it has rubbed off onto the collar of his shirt after their foray in the bedroom. 

As he bends forward again to splash more cold water on his face, Tyler lets out a sudden, startled moan as he feels Josh grab his hips, fingertips digging into the angry, painful bruises the table left there after his show, and roughly grind into his ass. He straightens up to slap Josh's hands away, scowling. 

"Someone might have heard that," he hisses, Josh grinning with his tongue between his teeth behind him. 

"I'm gonna get you back for that," he teases while Tyler still scowls. 

Josh presses right up behind him, their bodies flush together and his arms snaking around his waist again. He moves his lips to Tyler's ear, raising his skin in goosebumps as his lips trace along the outside of his ear and lifting the hairs at the back of his neck on end as his breath ghosts across his skin. 

"I'm gonna fuck you so hard you scream, Tyler. I'm gonna make it hurt," he whispers, bucking his hips again, and Tyler lets out another tortured moan. 

"Stop it," he pleads, breaking free of Josh's grip. "Otherwise I'm gonna make you bend me over the dinner table, and that doesn't bode well for us."

Josh chuckles, but he's cut off by his mother's voice calling from downstairs. 

"Boys, dinner's ready!" she shouts up to them.

"Frick," the two of them say in unison, then burst out laughing as Josh cracks the door open to call back down to her. 

"We'll be there in a sec'!" he chirps, then grabs a towel and hands it to Tyler to dry off his face. 

Once he's dry, Josh takes his hand to lead him back downstairs and into a humble dining room, where Jordan, Abbey and Josh's father already sit. Tyler feels immediately anxious as Mr Dun's eyes come to rest on him. 

"Dad, this is Tyler," Josh announces, and Tyler crosses the room with a shy smile, timidly extending a hand that Josh's father stands to grasp in a firm shake. 

"Good to meet you, take a seat!" he bellows with a smile, and Tyler does, Josh joining him in the next seat. 

"It's good to meet you too, sir," Tyler replies, mumbling just a little. 

Mrs Dun waltzes in from the kitchen soon after, placing down plates of carrots, potatoes and a plethora of other vegetables, then dashing out again to return with a dish full of something that smells divine. 

"Vegetable lasagna," she tells the table as she takes her own seat, and Abbey makes a face. "I hope it's okay, Tyler. I wasn't really sure what you eat!"

"Mainly Doritos and Taco Bell," Josh mutters under his breath, and Tyler bites back a giggle. 

"It looks absolutely amazing, thank you so much," Tyler smiles. 

"Well, everybody dig in!" she encourages, and everybody goes about serving themselves, except Abbey. 

"Mom, why is it all vegetables? I don't even like vegetables," she whines, and her mother shoots her a warning glare. 

"Because they're good for you, dear! You just thank the Lord that you're eating at all! There are starving children all over the world who'd give everything they had for some vegetables," she reproaches. 

"Shut up and eat your damn carrots, Abbey," Jordan jeers, and Mrs Dun gasps. 

"Jordan Dun, don't you dare talk to your sister like that!" she reprimands him, and he smirks. 

"But mom, the starving children in Africa!" he mimics, and she scowls at him. 

" _You_ shut up," Abbey cuts in, flicking a carrot at Jordan with her fork, and their mother slaps her on the wrist. 

"Right! That is enough you two! Or do I have to send you both to bed without dinner?" she says in a raised voice, and both Jordan and Abigail mumble apologies. "That's better! Now Abbey, eat your vegetables."

Tyler and Josh are giggling down at their plates at the exchange, eating their food and staying out of trouble. The lasagna is absolutely delicious, and the fact that Josh's mother had cooked everyone a vegetarian meal just for him touches him in such a way that he wants to give her another tight, squeezing hug. 

Josh's father turns to him then, and Tyler's stomach swoops like he's missed a step going downstairs. He feel's Josh's hand come to rest on his thigh under the table, again as though he can sense Tyler's anxiety. He holds Mr Dun's gaze and tries his best not to tremble. 

"So, Tyler, what is it you're studying in college?" he asks with a smile, and Tyler relaxes a little. 

"Uh, I study English, sir," he replies, a little impressed with himself for keeping his voice level. 

"Ah, a wonderful subject! I imagine you've had enough Shakespeare to last you a lifetime by now," he winks, and Tyler lets out a loud laugh. 

"Like you wouldn't believe! I think I can recite Macbeth backwards at this point," he giggles. 

"I went to the University in Athens back in my day, too, you know. Go bobcats!" he cheers, and Tyler just smiles, having absolutely no idea what the man is talking about. "Yes, I spent years trying to convince Joshua to do the same, perhaps you might be able to sway him," he suggests. 

"Dad," Josh utters in a warning tone, and his father holds his hands up, palms out. 

"I just want you to-" his father is cut off by Josh, Jordan and Abigail all chiming out his next words in unison.

"... _maximise your potential_ ," they all rhyme off, and then burst into laughter as their father looks exasperated, Tyler joining in the giggles. 

"Forgive me for wanting to see my son do well! You can't work in a music shop for the rest of your life, Joshua," his father scolds, and Tyler feels this is unjust enough a statement to put his anxiety aside and speak up. 

"Josh is too smart for university, Mr Dun. He'd just make everyone else look bad," he smiles, making Josh grin with his tongue between his teeth. 

" _Thank_ you!" he smiles, "Besides, what if my potential is in selling records to people. Then you'd be pulling me away from my true talent, dad!"

His siblings laugh at the joke, seemingly amused by Josh's rebellion against his father's authority. Josh shovels a fork load of lasagna into his mouth, looking pleased with himself, and his mother interrupts as his father looks like he's about to speak up again. 

"Enough of that, dear. Now's not the time. Tyler, Josh tells me you like to play music, too?" Laura smiles, attempting to change the subject. 

Tyler stiffens a little, uncomfortable discussing the topic of his music in front of Josh's family. He looks down at his plate, moving vegetables around with his fork until he feels another reassuring squeeze at his thigh and straightens up, trying subtly to take deep breaths, in and out.

"Yeah, I sing and play piano and stuff. I mean, I'm not very good or anything, but yeah..." he trails off lamely. 

"That's not true," Josh cuts in, then turns to his mother. "He's great. He's really great."

"You should sing for us!" Josh's little sister chirps, looking excited. 

"Oh, uh... I-" Tyler babbles, panicking a little and being put on the spot, until Josh saves him from drowning. 

"He'll be up on stages all around the world some day, Abbey. You can hear him sing then," he grins, and she looks at Tyler in awe, then goes back to her food looking satisfied with Josh's response. 

Tyler reaches down to cover Josh's hand on his thigh with his own and gives it a grateful squeeze, then gets back to his own plate. He eats in relative silence from then on, occasionally joining in with the laughter of Josh and his siblings as they share banter across the table. Laura will tut occasionally at their jokes, and at one point she tells Josh off for his use of Tyler's word, 'dipcrap', and Abbey for immediately repeating it. As they make their way through dinner, Tyler feels himself relaxing more and more, not feeling out of place or awkward in his seat at the table, and it's filling him with a joy so juxtaposed with the fear, anxiety and nausea this night had been causing him for a week. 

"May we be briefly excused, mother dearest?" Josh asks with a grin once their plates are cleared, and she rolls her eyes at him. 

"Less of your cheek, Joshua," she scolds, but she's smirking a little. "Just don't be long, we'll be having dessert soon."

"Yup!" he chirps, pushing his chair out from the table and standing up.

He takes Tyler's hand, pulling him from his seat too, and tugs him out of the dining room. Once they're out the door, Tyler lets out a great sigh and relaxes completely, not realising he'd been tensing almost every muscle in his body. 

"You're doing so good," Josh praises, pulling Tyler towards the front door of the house. "We won't be here much longer, I promise. We'll get to go home soon, don't worry."

"It's not like I don't like being here!" Tyler assures him as they stop for Josh to open the door. "It's just a lot. I need to unwind. But they're all so lovely, really."

Josh beams, giving Tyler's hand a hard squeeze and opening the glass door, cold night air rushing in around them. Tyler lets out another sigh as the winter night chills him, the biting temperature a welcome change from the stuffiness of the crowded dining room. He's lead by the hand to a chair swing he hadn't even noticed hanging from the roof of the porch. 

"You want one? I know you don't smoke, but they calm me down," Josh offers, holding out his box of Marlboro Reds. 

Tyler takes one, curious to see what's so attractive to so many people about the little white sticks. He understands, now, the attraction of marijuana. Regular tobacco is one he never really could get his head around, though. Josh turns to take a seat on the white swing and pats the space next to him for Tyler to sit down. 

"I'm so glad you're here," he smiles as Tyler huddles in close to his side, Josh's hand moving to its regular spot on his thigh. 

"So am I," Tyler murmurs truthfully. 

For all his nervousness and stress and worrying, the night has gone surprisingly smoothly. None of the awkward silences or long pauses or judgemental looks he was expecting at all. In fact, every member of Josh's family has been nothing but welcoming and warm towards him, they all seem almost as lovely as Josh is. Tyler couldn't really have asked for a better first time meeting a boyfriend's family. He couldn't really have asked for a better first boyfriend. 

"I told you they'd love you!" Josh grins with his tongue between his teeth, digging his lighter from his pocket and lighting, first Tyler's, then his own cigarette. Tyler takes a long, deep draw of the cigarette, feeling it catch in the back of his throat, then exhales. It's not terrible, but he still doesn't really see the appeal. He lays his head down on Josh's shoulder to stare up at the moon and the few stars visible through the street light glare around them. After a few more draws, he starts to feel dizzy and sick, head spinning and body feeling as though it's floating. 

"Woah, I feel funny," he groans, and Josh chuckles. 

"That'll be a nicotine rush, they stop after a while," he smiles, moving his hand from Tyler's thigh to wrap around his waist. 

"How does this calm you down?" Tyler asks, bemused as his head buzzes. "This would have me shaking all day long!"

"It doesn't always affect you like that," Josh smirks, pulling him in closer. "You get used to it. Once you're addicted, I guess. And then they calm you down because it eases your cravings... Yeah, maybe you shouldn't smoke."

Tyler giggles, taking another draw of his cigarette, "Yeah, okay, but just this one though. It makes me feel like I'm cool," he grins, cheeks dimpling, and Josh bursts out laughing. 

"Yeah, you look so street right now, nobody's gonna mess with you," he agrees, taking another drag of his own smoke. 

They sit there, pressed into one another and smoking their cigarettes, until Laura pokes her head out the front door and tuts. 

"Josh, I _do_ wish you'd give those terrible things up," she frowns, then her expression switches back to her warm smile as she bubbles, "dessert's ready, in you come!"

Josh sighs, standing up to stretch, and flicks his cigarette butt into a drain by the garage door with precision, taking Tyler's from his fingers and doing the same with it. He grabs Tyler's hand in his own again and trudges his way back into the house, making it seem as though this night has been a lot for him too, not just for Tyler. They rejoin the rest of the family at the dinner table, bar Josh's mother who's still in the kitchen preparing their dessert. Talk at the table switches to sport, this time basketball, and Tyler thanks his lucky stars that Josh's father chose the one sport he has a loose knowledge of, allowing him to join in the conversation until they're interrupted. 

Laura brings out a huge cake covered in decadent, white frosting and sets it down in the middle of the table. 

"This is why dinner was so late!" she huffs, sitting down in her seat and picking up a cake server. "This blasted cake took me half the day to make!"

"It looks great, mom," Josh assures her, but she gives him a smile like she has a secret as she makes the first cut into the cake. 

As she carves out a wedge of the massive dessert, she grabs a side plate and uses her server as a spatula to shimmy it out. The slice wiggles out of place to reveal a stunningly colourful and intricate layered sponge cake inside. Josh's mother has baked six different cakes, one red, one orange, one yellow, green, blue and purple, and stacked them together with icing to create a rainbow hidden under the white exterior. She hands the plate over to Josh, but he doesn't take it. He stares wordlessly at her, Tyler noticing he has tears welling up in his eyes, then shoves his chair out from the table to storm around it and pull her in fiercely for a squeezing hug, so tight she wheezes. 

Tyler feels tears stinging his own eyes, his vision blurring around the edges as he watches Josh hugging his mother for at least thirty seconds. He whispers something in her ear and she whispers something in return, patting him on the back before he breaks away, hastily wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand. 

"Jeez, Josh, it's just a cake!" Abbey laughs, taking the slice that had been cut for him and picking up her fork to start eating. 

But it isn't just a cake. It's Josh's mother's way of saying I know who you are, I see you, and I love you. Tyler has fallen for Laura so quickly, he feels as though he's known her for years. What he's just witnessed signing the contract, cementing his decision to trust her entirely and love her unconditionally. Josh is the only person he knows that he's warmed to quicker. 

As he takes his seat beside Tyler, Josh's hand takes up residence on his thigh again, and Tyler leans in to give him a quick hug. They get served massive slices of cake, and it is heavenly. The message behind it and the work that went into it definitely affecting the taste, but Tyler is certain it's the best cake he's ever tasted. 

"Please, please, teach me how to bake, you are a literal wizard," he gushes to her with a mouthful of cake, and she grins at him. 

"I'm glad you're enjoying it! Maybe if we set up some cookery classes it'll force my son to visit me more," she laughs.

"Nah, I'd just drop him off and then go get ice cream until you guys were done," Josh jokes, and Tyler laughs but Laura tuts. 

"You know, I don't doubt that for a second," she chides, and Josh winks at her with a grin. 

The chatter around the table is animated as they eat their sweet feast, even Josh's father joins in with the joking and teasing around the dinner table as he works his way through his massive serving of metaphorical acceptance of his openly bisexual son. As they finish their final course, conversation winds down and Laura tells Abbey to go upstairs and get ready for bed. She protests a little, but eventually concedes, and Josh sighs. 

"We should probably get going soon too, if we wanna make it back by a reasonable time," Josh sighs, squeezing Tyler's thigh under the table. 

"Oh, at least have a coffee before you go," his mother counters, standing up to gather their plates. "I don't want you falling asleep on the way home."

"Yeah, okay, I won't say no to coffee," he grins, getting to his feet and helping to gather up the plates. 

Recoiling at the idea of sitting alone with Josh's brother and father, he grabs the rest of the cake on its stand as well as some cutlery, and follows them into the kitchen. The room is small and quaint, matching the character of the rest of the Dun family house, and it has more of Laura's plaques honouring the importance of family and God on the walls. He places the leftover cake down on the counter, marvelling again at its beauty. 

"Thank you so much, mom. Really," he hears Josh over his shoulder, and turns to see them embracing again. "I love you."

"You're welcome, sweetheart. And you know we love you too," she beams. 

Tyler moves to fill up the tea kettle and turn it on to boil the water, and Laura turns to him as he flicks the switch. 

"You are a guest, Tyler! You don't make the coffee. Go on, you two, go grab a seat in the living room, I'll bring these in to you," she insists, shooing them out of the room. 

In the hallway, after the kitchen door has been pulled closed, Josh tugs Tyler in for a quick hug, whispering in his ear, "This is good. This is, like, really good."

Tyler grins as they separate, reaching for Josh's hand and giving it a quick squeeze before pulling him into the living room. 

**-**

"Oh, you've got to see the videos from Christmas morning when he got his Gameboy!" Josh's mom truly shouts with glee, slamming the photo album in her lap shut as Tyler giggles, grinning. 

"Hey, we had a deal," he raises his eyebrows at Tyler, who pouts. 

"But the _videos_ , Josh. They're from _Christmas morning_ , Josh!" Tyler whines, flashing Josh puppy-dog eyes. 

He very nearly gives in from that facial expression alone, but his mug of coffee has long since gone empty, and they _did_ have a deal. He's had to sit through half an hour of his mother going through embarrassing photos from his childhood with Tyler, and Hayley's favourite photo of bath time in the sink has already cropped up. If his mom brings out the videos, they won't be home until the next morning. 

"I've gotta drive, Ty. You get to take a nap, but I don't wanna kill us both in a flaming inferno," he jokes, and his mother gasps. 

"God forbid! Don't even joke about that, Joshua, that isn't funny!" she scolds, making him laugh. "Don't worry, dear. We can get out the videos next time," she smirks slyly to Tyler and he grins. 

"I'm gonna hold you to that," he giggles, jumping up from the couch and crossing the room to Josh. "Okay, we can go," he pouts again. 

The change in him, from the Tyler on the front door step telling Josh he couldn't do it to the Tyler conspiring with his mother on the couch to see him screaming at the thought of playing Pokémon all day long on Christmas morning, is staggering. It's making Josh's heart flutter and pound at the same time. Everything has started seeming a lot more serious as the night has worn on, to the point where he wouldn't be surprised if his mother began insisting he call her 'mom' before they leave. In the space of a day it's as if the two have known one another for years, it took his mother months to warm up to any of his girlfriends like this. It kind of terrifies him, but he's already falling much too hard and much too fast to do anything about it now. 

The rest of the family have already said their good nights and goodbyes, it's just Tyler, Josh and his mother left in the sitting room, and she stands to walk them to the door. 

"You bring him back soon, okay?" she insists as they reach the front hall and she pulls the door open for them. 

"I promise, mom," he grins, giving her a kiss on the cheek and pulling her in for another tight hug. "I love you."

"I love you too, sweetheart. Drive safe!" she emphasises as she turns to Tyler.

She faces him, but Tyler is the one to pull her into a tight hug, squeezing around her waist, and she looks at Josh over his shoulder to mouth, "I love him," with a smile, hugging Tyler back. Josh's grin is so wide it makes his cheeks ache as he reaches for Tyler's hand once their embrace is broken. 

With another round of goodbyes, he tugs Tyler down the path and back towards his car, realising he'd left it unlocked the entire time they were inside. He mentally berates himself for his stupidity, thankful that it's still here waiting for him when he got back. As he and Tyler slink into the car, he hears his boyfriend let out a massive yawn with a stretch, triggering a yawn of his own. 

"Oh man," comes Tyler's sleepy voice from the passenger seat. "My ass hurts so bad, you have no idea."

Josh chuckles at this, reaching over to ruffle Tyler's hair. 

"Put your seat back, you can go for a nap while I drive," he tells him with a smile. 

"Are you sure?" Tyler asks, but he's already pulling the lever to roll his seat backwards and twisting the wheel to lay out flat. 

"I'll wake you up when we get home, Ty. Go to sleep," he encourages, starting up the car engine, and Tyler lets out a little hum as he closes his eyes. 

Josh drives for what feels like an eternity. His mind drifts off as his body reverts to autopilot, thinking over the evening's events. Everything had gone much better than he could have dreamed it to. Not only with his family's acceptance of Tyler, but with his family's acceptance of himself. The subject of him being attracted to other guys was always skirted around, avoided, treated like taboo. That was how it had been for the past two years, since he'd moved away from home and come out to his mother over the phone, and that was how he had always expected it to be. And then Tyler came along, and has been changing his life in almost every way ever since. 

His hand moves to rest on Tyler's thigh as he sleeps, almost a muscle memory response by now. He realises he's still grinning as he drives along the never ending highway, still on a high from how their night went. He couldn't have wished for a better evening, couldn't be more glad that Tyler had decided to come with him, couldn't he happier that Tyler was the one his mother was demanding to meet. 

After an hour of driving, he's finally back on Athens ground, and he feels like his eyelids weigh a hundred pounds each. The streetlights starting up again outside the car window wake Tyler from his nap and he stretches in the passenger seat. 

"Woah, are we back already?" he asks, rubbing his eyes. 

"Yeah, there wasn't much traffic around, and also you've been asleep," Josh chuckles as Tyler sits up beside him, winding his seat back up again. 

"Hey, you think we could swing by my dorm room really quick so I can check for mail?" he asks in a croaky voice, yawning once again and only serving to make Josh feel more sleepy. 

"Of course," he answers, indicating for the turnoff towards the campus grounds. 

It takes less than ten minutes of driving for Josh to be pulling up outside Tyler's dorm building, idling in the car park while he dashes inside to check his postbox. As sleepy as he is, Josh is still smiling. Even an hour of driving in silence hasn't taken away from the bubbling happiness swelling inside him. In less than a minute, Tyler is running back out of the building and into the car again, clutching a package in his hands. 

"This is for you," he smiles, throwing himself back into the car and huffing for breath as he hands over a plastic envelope with something soft and squishy inside. 

Quirking an eyebrow as he feels the parcel, Josh asks, "Am I allowed to open it now?" with a smile and Tyler nods vigorously. 

"Yisss, open it! I wanna see," he beams, and Josh tears the packaging open to reveal white fabric inside. 

He pulls it up and it unfolds to reveal a long, baggy, white tank top with low cut sleeves. He smiles as he turns it around, then sees " **TYLER'S BOY FREN** " printed in huge letters on the front with what looks like a black line along the bottom of it. He bursts out laughing with a huge grin, leaning across the centre console to press an enthusiastic kiss to Tyler's lips. 

"It's perfect, I love it, thank you," he grins, pecking kisses across Tyler's cheeks. "I promise I'll wear it all the time."

"Look at the bottom," Tyler smirks, and Josh picks his shirt back up to inspect the bottom line, which he realises is actually words in a smaller text. He peers at it in the dim light, already knowing what it says before he reads it. 

" **DON'T TOUCH HIM. DON'T EVEN LOOK AT HIM.** "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At least it isn't a cliffhanger, okay?


	31. Teasing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for making all of you cry over a fictional cake, you are all such wonderful creatures. ❤️ I hope y'all are thirsty.

It's close to nine o'clock, Friday morning when Tyler wakes up on Josh's living room floor. As soon as they had arrived back at the apartment after their drive to Athens, both he and Josh had collapsed onto the floor of the blanket fort, exhausted. Neither one of them had bothered to undress any further than kicking off their shoes at the door, and they had curled up on the floor of their fort together, passing out almost immediately. 

The sun outside has just barely risen and the blanket fort is still in almost total darkness as Tyler opens his eyes. He smiles to himself as he looks down, seeing Josh's arms clinging tightly around his waist, and it grows into a grin as the previous night's dinner comes rushing back to him. Everything had gone perfectly. As usual, Tyler had gotten himself worked up into a state over nothing and, as usual, everything about Josh was absolutely perfect. Even his family. 

His good mood falters a little as he realises that today is the last day he and Josh have together before their brief vacation with one another ends and the real world starts up again. Josh has work tomorrow and, in a few days, Tyler has to get back to class. The very idea makes him miserable, the thought of Josh's constant presence by his side being taken away from him making his heart drop. Suddenly, everything about the moment he's in seems a thousand times more precious. 

He takes a moment to lie out on his back and appreciate the warmth of the body beside him, the security of the strong arms wrapped around him, the rhythm of Josh's deep breaths filling his ears. He captures as much of the moment mentally as he can manage, the scent of his boyfriend from all around him and the precise shade of pink of the hair tickling his cheek. He's going to have to go back to spending more time away from Josh than he does with him soon, and he can't even handle the thought of it, never mind the actual splitting. Despite a few Debby-related hiccups, this whole week has been like an escape from reality, an escape from all of his worries and troubles. Josh presents him with both a respite from his problems and also a way to work through them, and the only other thing he's ever found to provide him with that same cathartic release is music. 

He's so frightfully in love. It seems to claw at him inside from every angle, burning deeper and hotter than ever before, taking him higher than he's ever been. Spending the night with Josh's family seems to have cast in iron what was already set in stone. Tyler is absolutely, completely, utterly and irrevocably in love with Josh, to the point where he cannot for a second even imagine trying to live without him, or ever wanting anyone else. He feels almost suffocated by it, completely powerless against the force of his feelings. 

Unable to bear it a second longer, he turns in Josh's arms to press their lips together, pushing against Josh's mouth until he feels him smile and press back. "Joshua Dun, I am so _fucking_ in love with you," Tyler stresses as their lips break apart. 

Josh grins, biting his tongue between his teeth as his eyes crease around the outer corners, and pecks another quick kiss to his lips. "Tyler Joseph, I am so fucking in love with _you_ ," he mimics, nuzzling their noses together. "And I love it when you cuss," he adds with a smirk. 

"It's almost always for you," Tyler smiles slyly, and Josh lets out a quiet, croaky groan as he leans forward to bite Tyler's bottom lip between his teeth and pull back. 

"I did promise your gay mom I was gonna corrupt you entirely," he grins as Tyler's lip slips from his teeth, then he gives him a gentle kiss. 

"Do you think your mom would adopt me?" Tyler asks him, only half-joking. "I mean, I know it might kind of mean incest for us, but I need her." Josh just laughs, but Tyler presses on. "Seriously, I already feel like I can tell her more than my mom. I already have."

"Ty, don't forget, I moved out because I felt like I couldn't be myself and live in that house at the time," Josh murmurs, running his fingers through Tyler's hair. "Remember, when I told my mom over the phone, she cried. It's taken years for her to come around. Well, it took two years and it took you," he grins, and Tyler's stomach somersaults at his words. 

"I'm just so scared to tell my mom," he whines, his heart pounding at the thought. "I want that so bad, to take you home and let everyone see why I love you, I want my mom to demand to meet you. I'm just so scared."

Josh's arms wrap tighter around his waist as he pulls Tyler in to lie back down on his chest, kissing the top of his head. 

"It takes time, Ty. You've got to wait until you're ready, and I don't need dinner with your family. I just need you," he whispers, pressing his lips to the top of Tyler's head again and leaving them there as they embrace. 

Josh needs him, and he lets himself believe it. He needs to believe it, that Josh might depend on Tyler even a fraction of the amount Tyler relies on him. It quiets the voice in his head from it's terrible, hissing words, that Tyler is too clingy and too needy and falling much too hard much too fast. All of that may be true, but at least it might apply a little to Josh as well. It's not as bad if the two of them are being desperate fools together, right? 

"Hey, Josh?" Tyler breathes, looking up at his boyfriend, who gives a questioning hum. "I know we joked about it before, but can we literally spend all day in bed today? Like, go get some supplies and then not leave your bedroom until tomorrow?"

Josh chuckles and leans down to peck a kiss onto Tyler's forehead, smiling as he pulls away. In the back of his mind, he's still being called desperate and needy, but Tyler shoves the thoughts away. He has one last day off with Josh, and he wants to squander it entirely in his arms, which could also be looked at as spending their time in the best way possible. 

"That sounds absolutely perfect," he grins, shifting around until Tyler is on top of him, then sitting up to hold the boy in his lap. "The next week I get off work, we're spending seven days in bed."

Josh's hands move down to gently squeeze Tyler's hips, sliding under his shirt to trace wandering fingers across his skin. The mere sensation of his fingertips making contact sends a shiver down Tyler's spine as his skin raises in goosebumps. Josh is smirking now as he keeps his touches so delicate they raise hairs on end in their wake, ghosting across his lower back to splay his hands out and pull Tyler into him. He presses their lips together roughly, making Tyler gasp, and as soon as his mouth opens Josh's tongue finds its way inside. Tyler returns the kiss hungrily, moaning softly in the back of his throat as their tongues collide, and letting out a disappointed hum when Josh breaks away. He chuckles at Tyler's noise of complaint, pecking a little kiss to the tip of his scrunched up nose. 

"C'mon, baby. We've got all day for kisses, but first I could use some coffee, and my stock of Red Bulls is dwindling," Josh hushes, pressing a subdued kiss to Tyler's lips, then sliding him from his lap to get to his feet. 

Tyler lets out a little sigh, already half hard from having Josh's hands on him and his entire lower half aching from both bruises and having slept in his jeans the night before. Josh holds his hands out with a smile and Tyler takes them, being pulled to his feet. Once he's standing, he grabs Josh by the fabric of his baggy tank top and pulls him close, their chests pressed together as he mashes his lips into Josh's once more. Josh kisses him back at first, but then pulls away, taking Tyler's lip in his teeth with him and letting go with a smirk. 

"Patience, young grasshopper," Josh chuckles as Tyler relinquishes his grip on Josh's shirt. "I told you I'm gonna get you back, and I will. But you're gonna have to wait."

He grins wickedly at Tyler, eyes glistening, then turns to whip back a blanket and disappear out into the living room. The look on Josh's face before he left has Tyler's pulse racing as desire throbs through his veins. He has something planned, and Tyler is already aching to find out what. He stands for a few moments to collect himself, trying to stop his racing mind from considering all the things Josh might have in store for him. 

With a deep breath, he follows Josh out of the fort and towards his bedroom to get clean clothes from his backpack. As he pushes open the door and steps inside, he's stopped in his tracks by the view before him. Josh is _butt naked_ in front of him, his muscular back, the dimples either side of the base of his spine sitting above his well toned ass, and his long, curving legs on display as he rifles through clothes in his wardrobe. Tyler lets out a moan at the sight. 

"Jesus Christ, Josh," he whines, trying with all his might to resist the gnawing urge to rush across the room and run his hands all over Josh's body. Josh gives him that same wicked grin over his shoulders, bending over to pull on the boxers he has in his hands, then grabbing a pair of jeans from a shelf in front of him. 

"What? I'm just getting dressed," he smirks, unfolding the jeans, which Tyler notices are _zebra print_. 

He watches in awe as Josh moves to lay on his back on the bed, legs in the air as he tugs on the impossibly tight pants, looking absolutely incredible once they're on him. Yet another thing that definitely shouldn't work, but on Josh it really, truly does. They hug his legs and ass like a second skin, and Tyler has a feeling that Josh knows exactly how good he looks in them, that perhaps this is exactly why he's chosen to wear them. He tears his eyes away, realising he hasn't moved an inch since he walked into the room, and heads to his bag in the corner. He peels off his jeans, legs rejoicing to finally be freed, and can't bear the idea of putting on another pair, so he grabs his black leggings instead, along with the sweatshirt Josh bought him and some clean underwear. He shuffles off to the bathroom to change, not looking at Josh on his way out, certain that he'd be trying to undress him in seconds if he stared any longer. 

In the bathroom, Tyler takes off the now severely creased button up he'd worn all night and moves to the sink to splash some water on his face. He glances in the mirror to see make up still smeared across his neck and, with some soap, washes it off until all of his hickeys are back on display. He still loves seeing them. As much as others may judge him for the fading red and purple marks on his neck, think him trashy, all Tyler sees is Josh claiming ownership of him, and he loves it. Once his face and neck are clean, he dries off with a hand towel hanging next to the sink and yanks off his underwear, shivering a little in the cold as he pulls on his outfit for the day. 

As he emerges from the bathroom and makes his way down the hall, Josh is waiting for him in the living room. His hair sits in wild curls on top of his head, he has a red and black plaid shirt tied around his waist, matte black Doctor Martens on his feet and he's wearing the tank top Tyler bought for him, the two of them professing their boyfrenship on their chests. He looks outrageously good, Tyler thinks to himself. Enough that it should be outlawed, and he's already struggling with the idea of not touching him for the next hour or so. 

"Our shirts might make people literally vomit on themselves when they see us," Josh laughs, and Tyler grins at him. 

"Good! Let's go, Jishwa," he giggles, holding out a hand that Josh takes with a smile, and leading him out the door. 

In the car, Josh doesn't put his hand on Tyler's thigh, and it makes him want to scream. He knows Josh is doing it on purpose, not touching him when Tyler wants to feel his hands on him more than ever. He tries not to let it show, how much the action, or lack thereof, is getting to him, but the satisfied smirk on Josh's face tells him his boyfriend is all too aware of what he's doing to him. After a few more minutes of thick tension between them, his thigh burning to be held and Josh still smiling to himself, Tyler is close to grabbing Josh's hand from the steering wheel and putting it in its rightful place himself, but then he realises they're indicating and Josh is pulling up on the curb outside a quaint little café. 

"C'mon, Ty," he smiles, unbuckling his seatbelt and leaning across the centre console to peck a maddeningly quick and chaste kiss to Tyler's lips before opening the door and hopping out of the car. 

Tyler heaves out a sigh as he presses the button to release his own belt, trying to gather his thoughts. It looks as though he's going to have to endure a morning of being tortured mercilessly. Taking a deep breath and resolving to stay strong, he'll get what he wants in the end after all, Tyler throws open the car door and drags himself out into the street, circling the vehicle to join Josh on the sidewalk. He holds out a hand, which Tyler takes in a flash, and leads him into the little coffee shop, cluttered with art on the walls and cutesy decor on the tables. Tiny tea cups hung up on clear string line the windows and fairy lights glow overhead, giving an adorable atmosphere that is somehow both not at all and yet entirely representative of Josh's personality. Tyler grins to himself, tickled by the fact that this is Josh's second choice for coffee after the Starbucks they can't return to. 

"You go get us seats," Josh smiles at him, squeezing his hand and then releasing it. "I'll get the drinks."

Tyler already misses the feeling of Josh's hand in his, desperately craving some sort of contact with him, but he tries not to let it show. He nods with a smile and heads straight to a comfy looking, squashy sofa sat low to the ground right beside the window. Flopping himself down on the couch and stirring up dust around him from the fluffed up cushions, Tyler sighs and turns to stare out the window. A woman in a brown trench coat with a briefcase walks by, but he can't find it in himself to imagine a story for her. His beloved people-watching pastime is being pushed aside as his imagination runs rampant, ruminating over what he and Josh might get up to when they get back home. 

Try as he might, Tyler can't seem to stop the thoughts of Josh on top of him, under him, behind him. His attempt at getting into Tyler's head was super effective, and now the longing that's filling him from the pit of his stomach to the top of his head seems more intense than it ever has been before. In terms of the intensity of Tyler longing for Josh, that's a bold statement. He's shaken from his thoughts by his pink-haired companion setting a tray down on the table in front of the couch and throwing himself down on the cushion beside him. 

"I got you the sweetest thing they had. Like, that's literally what I asked for, since you like all that syrupy shit in yours," he grins, picking up his own coffee, a modest Americano with milk. 

"Thanks," Tyler giggles, picking up the huge mug topped with mounds of whipped cream and sprinkled with chocolate. 

He takes a small sip of the decadent drink and lets out a moan that verges on indecent. "Oh my God, this is frickin' delicious, I need this every day," he groans, taking a larger sip and not even caring that it scalds his tongue. 

Josh smirks at him as he lowers his cup again, then raises his hand. "You got a little..." he trails off, moving his thumb to run across Tyler's upper lip slowly, wiping off the whipped cream that's been left there by his coffee, then pulling down Tyler's bottom lip to press the pad of his thumb into his mouth. 

Tyler manages to hold back a moan, incredibly proud of himself for the fact, as he sucks the whipped cream off of Josh's thumb, making sure to swirl his tongue around it before he pulls away. Josh smirks at him in that same cocky way he has been all morning and it makes Tyler's heart roar, beating so hard and fast that he can feel his own pulse through his entire body. His skin is screaming to be touched, his arms ache to claw at Josh's clothes, and he's pretty sure his boyfriend can read it all over his face because his smile only becomes more smug. 

"You are pure evil, you know that?" Tyler stage whispers to him, attempting a glare but smiling a little. 

"Coming from the boy who's given me head _twice_ while my mom was listening?" Josh grins at him, taking another sip of his coffee. "I told you I was gonna get you back, Ty. You brought this on yourself."

His smirk returns, crooked and showing some teeth as his mouth curls up at one corner, with so much more behind it that Tyler's dying to discover. It's not fair, the hold Josh has over him, the way he knows exactly what will make Tyler squirm, the way he can play it so cool while he gets Tyler flustered and hot around the collar. He's so impossibly hot, so infuriatingly sexy, and he's Tyler's. The proclamation displayed proudly on his chest informing the whole world that this enchanting, head-turning model of perfection is his and no one else can have him. Tyler's feelings have been kicked into overdrive overnight, his adoration for Josh pumping through his veins with every beat of his heart, and to be denied him now, when he wants him more than ever, is truly agonising. 

But if Josh wants a game, Tyler can play along. He reaches for his mug and sticks a finger into the whipped cream on top, taking up a huge scoop of it and slowly licking it from his finger in an over-the-top display, staring right into Josh's eyes as it does. The cream melts in the heat of his hand, and he catches a drip with his tongue as it rolls down his wrist, following the trail it's left back up to his finger, then taking the digit into his mouth to swirl his tongue around it and pulling it out again with a 'pop'. He sees Josh's Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallows hard at the sight, and Tyler wears his own smug smirk now, as he picks up his cup again. 

"This coffee is real good, Jish. Thanks," he smiles sweetly, feigning innocence as he sips at his drink. 

Josh doesn't reply, but his hand finally comes to rest on Tyler's thigh, and he feels like he could sing. His grip is firm as he squeezes at Tyler's leg, and he almost lets out a groan at the feeling. But then Josh's hand begins creeping higher up his leg and drifting inwards, he's applying more and more pressure as his hand roams, until he's digging his nails into the sensitive flesh of Tyler's inner thigh, the exact spot that's been bruised twice in the past by Josh's pounding hips. Tyler can't help the little whine that escapes him as Josh's fingernails drag across his skin through the thin fabric of his leggings, but he regrets it immediately as Josh pulls his hand away. 

"Please," Tyler breathes, making sure no one around them can hear his words. "I want you so bad, Josh. Please."

"Good," Josh chirps with a smile, going back to his coffee. "I aim to keep it that way," he adds, and that same _something_ is behind his smile again. Tyler could scream. He'd be dragging Josh into the café bathrooms to tear his clothes off, if he thought his boyfriend would allow it. Something tells him it's not going to be that easy. 

"Pure frickin' evil," Tyler repeats, going back to his coffee and trying to ignore the slow ache that's starting to build just behind his navel from Josh keeping him on edge and half hard for so long. It can only get worse. Josh just sniggers at his sentence, nonchalantly scrolling through some web page on his phone, clearly nowhere near as worked up as Tyler is. 

The tension remains between them the whole way through their coffees, huge and sturdy and sold as a brick wall, every brush of their hands against one another or mischievous smile Josh shoots at him only heightening Tyler's frustration. He's never been denied anything from Josh, they have always had a very 'I want you now, I'll have you now' approach to their sex life, so being forced to wait for gratification right when he needs it more than ever is not only completely foreign to Tyler, it's downright cruel. He drinks his fill of the sickeningly sweet coffee Josh bought him, then shifts himself to sit back, the swollen couch cushions swallowing him, and just watch his boyfriend. 

He's still feeling the need to document in minute detail every aspect of their time together. The way Josh's eyes darken a little every time he meets Tyler's gaze, the way his hair curls in every direction yet still looks outstanding, the way he absentmindedly drums a hand on his knee as he drinks his coffee, the way his neck curves to meet his shoulder, just asking to have a hickey sucked onto it. The more Tyler observes, the more he appreciates the beauty of every part of Josh. Not a single flaw, no drawbacks or downsides, even his perceived weaknesses make Tyler love him more. His anxiety, his intense bouts of anger, his overprotectiveness. Tyler sees beauty in all of it, adores absolutely everything about him.

"Ty, you're staring," Josh smirks at him as he takes the last gulp of his coffee and sets down his empty mug. 

"You're my boyfren, I'm allowed to stare," he smiles back, not adding that staring is way down on the list of things Tyler wants to be doing to him right now. 

"Okay, fair," Josh chuckles, and Tyler's heart rate spikes as Josh leans in to kiss him, but he receives only a gentle peck on the cheek before Josh is gathering his things. "You ready to go?" he asks, a hint of a smile playing on his lips, and Tyler holds in another groan of frustration. 

"Please, God, take me home," he whines, getting to his feet and waiting for Josh to do the same, and Josh's laughter at his request sounds truly villainous. 

"Control yourself, baby boy," he utters quietly as he stands from the couch, wrapping his arms around Tyler's shoulders briefly to whisper in his ear, "you're gonna be hoarse from screaming when I'm done with you, just be patient."

Tyler moans out at his promise, his hips pressing into Josh of their own accord right in the middle of the coffee shop, and then he's pulling away again with an, "Ah, ah, ah!" in a singsong voice. He is evil, he is the devil incarnate, he knows precisely what he's doing, and Tyler won't admit it, even to himself, but he loves it. The torment is almost insufferable, he feels like pulling his own hair out, clawing at his skin, screaming at the top of his lungs, but he knows that when Josh finally gives him what he wants, it'll be even more mind blowing than ever before. It's just a case of making it through all the tantalisation to reach the release. 

"Joshua, you know I love you, but I hate you so much right now," he whines, and Josh raises his eyebrows with a grin. 

"Oh man, you're full naming me? This must be bad," he chuckles, and Tyler just pouts. "C'mon, Ty, let's go get some Red Bulls."

*****

Josh is taking his precious time as he inspects the offerings on the shelves of the 7/11 they're raiding for supplies. Every now and then Tyler will let out a whine of complaint, tugging on Josh's hand or the hem of his tank top, trying to hurry him, but if anything he seems to be moving slower with every protest. They've been in the store for at least ten minutes, and all Josh has done so far is lift a couple of packs of Red Bull from the fridge. 

"Have you ever tried pickled pigs feet?" Josh asks Tyler, stopping for about the seventy fifth time on their walk around the shop. Josh screws up his face as he lifts a jar filled with a noxious, red liquid and the rubbery looking, grey feet of some poor, innocent little pigs. Tyler feels like he may vomit as Josh tips the jar upside down and swirls it around, scrutinising its contents. 

"Joooooossssshhhhh," Tyler wails in a mixture of frustration and disgust, " _please_ , put down the gross jar and take me home."

Josh chuckles as he sets the jar back on the shelf, grinning widely with his tongue between his teeth. "Okay, okay, go grab us some Doritos or something and we can go," he relents, and Tyler's heart starts pounding at the thought of finally getting back to Josh's apartment, finally getting to touch him. 

"Jesus Christ, at last!" he cries, exasperated, and hurries around the store to the shelves lined with potato chips. He finds the Doritos stacked on a shelf one up from the ground, and bends over to assess their choices, struggling a little to focus on the task at hand with Josh taking up most of the space in his mind. 

Tyler lets out a little squeal of surprise as he hears a loud smack and feels a sharp sting on his asscheek. He whips his head around to see Josh over his shoulder, giving his ass a gentle squeeze after the rough slap. 

" _Josh_ ," he tries to protest, but it comes out as more of a sobbing moan, and Josh grins huge, looking pleased with himself. He leans forward next to Tyler, who feels uneasy with anticipation. He has no idea what Josh is going to do next, and he loves it. 

"There's plenty more where that came from," he murmurs into Tyler's ear, and he lets out an almost imperceptible moan, but Josh hears it with a smile. "Pick your potato chips," he smirks, and stalks off down the aisle. 

Tyler doesn't even attempt to pay attention to what chips he's choosing, simply grabbing onto the first two packets his hands make contact with and tearing off up the aisle after his boyfriend. They walk up to the checkout and Tyler dumps the chips down beside Josh's tins of energy drink, itching to get out of the place. It feels as though they've spent hours traipsing through the aisles of the store, as though they're wasting precious time they could be spending in each other's arms. 

Josh's movements still seem tortuously slow as he gets out his wallet to pay for the snacks, and Tyler silently curses himself for wearing clothes with no pockets. If he'd had his own wallet, he could have thrust a couple of bills at the clerk behind the cash register, told him to keep the change and be dragging Josh out of there already. Instead, he has to stand through mindless small talk as his credit card is authorised. 

When the cashier finally hands Josh a plastic bag filled with his purchases and his receipt, Tyler grabs his hand and physically pulls him from the convenience store. He wears that same, infuriating smile and he drags his feet a little as Tyler tugs him along. They're only a couple of blocks from the car, but Josh is managing to make the walk last forever, and Tyler is honestly so close to shouting at him he has to bite his own lip to stop an outburst. 'Patience, young grasshopper.' He'll get what he wants in the end. 

As they walk along, hand in hand, Tyler spies a burly looking, heavyset man thundering down the pavement on the opposite side of the road. Tyler feels the stranger's eyes glaring at them, even from across the street, and suddenly he feels incredibly uncomfortable. The guy is very clearly staring at them with furrowed eyebrows, jaw clenched. He squeezes Josh's hand and picks up his pace a little, but it does nothing to stop the sneering shout the man lets out as they pass by the spot he occupies on the other side of the road. 

"FAGS!" he spits at them loudly, venom in the word as he continues to glare. 

The name cuts through Tyler like a warm knife through softened butter, and his face twists up. It's an insult that hasn't been hurled at him since his middle school years, when a few of his basketball playing peers had found out he'd kissed a boy from another school and had bullied him relentlessly for it. That had tied in heavily to the start of Tyler's depression, the importance of his friendship with Brendon and his fear of ever coming out to anyone in his family. 

He feels Josh squaring up beside him and Tyler's grip on his hand tightens until it's vicelike. "Tyler, let me go," comes Josh's voice, perfectly calm and completely level, but laced with anger. 

"No, Josh. Please, just ignore him," Tyler implores, still gripping his hand as tight as he can and trying to tug Josh along from where his feet stand glued to the ground, as he stares back at the man still glaring daggers in their direction. 

"No, fuck that, this fucking asshole needs to know that's not okay," Josh fumes, trying to wrestle his hand from Tyler's grasp. 

"Please, Josh. Please. Leave it. Please, let's just go," he begs, not letting his tight grip on the hand in his loosen for even a second. 

Josh eventually relents, allowing Tyler to drag him on as the stranger stands his ground on the sidewalk. That is, until the man shouts something else unintelligible and Josh wrenches his hand from Tyler's, turning and making to thunder across the road towards him. Tyler grabs Josh around the waist and heaves with all his might to keep him walking. 

"Josh, stop it! I am _not_ going to let you get hurt. Please," Tyler urges. Tears are filling his eyes now as he stops tugging at Josh's waist and meets his gaze. "Please, Jishwa." 

Josh lets out a loud, frustrated gnarl as he turns away, holding up a hand and flipping the guy off over his shoulder as he walks on with Tyler. 

"Thank you," Tyler huffs out, and Josh takes his hand again, intertwining their fingers. 

"Sorry. I just wanted to defend your honour," he murmurs with a smirk, and Tyler can't help but grin. "You know I could have taken him, though. Right?"

"Of course I know that, Jishwa. But he mighta got a punch or two in there before you K.O.'d him, and I'm not okay with that," Tyler tells him, and Josh chuckles, giving his hand a squeeze as they approach the car. 

"Are you okay, Ty? You know he was just an asshole, right?" 

"He's just jealous because he can't have you," Tyler grins and Josh matches his smile. 

"Nah, he was definitely after you. You can tell he's the type who likes 'em skinny and young-looking," Josh teases, and Tyler screws up his face. 

"Gross, Josh!" Tyler complains, shoving him with his shoulder, then circling the car as Josh searches for his keys. 

"Eh, who could blame him? Look at you," Josh smirks over the car roof at him, that same expression that's been haunting Tyler all morning back on his face, making his insides squirm. 

The doors unlock and Josh reaches through the car to chuck their drinks and snacks on the backseat, then he clambers inside, Tyler following. As soon as he sits down, Josh's hand is on his thigh and the bubbling, churning feelings of guilt and shame he hadn't even noticed in his stomach die away. It isn't until Josh's touch relaxes him completely that he realises just how tense he had been. Josh turns to look at him, his expression softer now, as he squeezes Tyler's thigh. 

"Seriously, though. That guy was just being a piece of shit, you know that, right?" he assures him, hand rubbing circles into his leg. 

Tyler almost melts into a puddle in his seat as Josh speaks. The way he can go from dangerously flirtatious and teasing to sugary sweet and supportive at the flick of a switch sends a host of butterflies fluttering through his stomach and makes his heart skip several beats. The concern in Josh's eyes is so touchingly cute that Tyler can't help himself but take advantage of the momentary letting down of his guard. He leans across the seats to press his lips into Josh's, a quiet moan in his throat at the contact. 

"I'm fine, Josh. I have you," he grins, not caring one iota about how cheesy he sounds. Josh gives his thigh another squeeze, returning his grin, and starts up the car. 

*****

Tyler's plan had been to get Josh pressed up against a wall the moment they'd entered his apartment, but Josh had walked ahead of him, unlocking the door and heading straight for the kitchen before he could even catch up. It looks like the game they were playing has come home with them, and Tyler isn't okay with that. He closes the door behind him, kicking his vans off his feet at the door and padding into the kitchen to see Josh stocking the refrigerator with cans of Red Bull. 

Tyler sneaks up behind him to wrap his arms around his waist, pressing kisses to his neck. He's trailing his hands across Josh's chest, down his stomach, roaming lower and lower until he stacks the last can onto the shelf, closes the fridge door and grabs Tyler's wrists, stopping his fingers in their tracks. He turns around in Tyler's arms, that God damn smirk back on his lips, as he leans in close. 

"I believe I have revenge to seek," Josh utters into his ear before dipping his head to bite roughly at Tyler's neck, hard enough to make him cry out. "I'm gonna fuck you, and I'm gonna make it hurt," he growls, and Tyler lets out a needy whine, bucking his hips as Josh chuckles, "but I'm gonna torture you for _hours_ , baby boy. And you're not allowed to come until I say so, okay?"

Tyler bites his lip to hold back the loud moan fighting to escape him as he stares, wide eyed, into his boyfriend's gaze. "Okay, Josh," he enunciates in a tiny voice, and Josh lets out the tiniest groan as he leans in to press a kiss to Tyler's lips. 

"Good boy," he smiles, taking Tyler by the hand and leading him towards the bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know this looks really bad and I seem like LITERAL SATAN, but this shit is already 6k+ words long and they haven't even started yet. It would have been, like, 12k words for one chapter and that's just not okay. 
> 
> So instead, I gave you all half an hour of build up and now you all have to wait at least a day for the payoff. WHO AM I KIDDING, I AM LITERAL SATAN. 
> 
> Sorry.
> 
> What an aptly named chapter, tho.


	32. Conceding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The following chapter tops out the list as the one piece of writing I have created that would disappoint my mother the most.  
> Also, this is by far the longest chapter of this story so far, over 8k words almost all of it sin.  
> I TOLD YOU I HAD TO SPLIT IT INTO TWO YOU CAN STOP HATING ME NOW!  
>  **DISCLAIMER** : If you read this, you are going to hell for sure. But I wrote it, so I'll see you there, fren. 
> 
> Enjoy ❤️

The minute they make it to the bedroom, Josh's hands are finally all over him, and Tyler could sing. Every touch seems heightened, every inch of his skin more sensitive than usual with how long Josh has been teasing him. Their kisses are rushed and frantic as he grabs Tyler's sweater by the hem and tears it off over his head. As soon as the shirt hits the ground, lips are at his neck and chest, hands grabbing at his hips and pulling him closer. Tyler buries both hands in Josh's hair as he trails his lips across his collarbones and over his tattoos, teeth catching briefly on a nipple and making Tyler groan out. 

Immediately after the noise leaves his mouth, Josh is pulling away again, and he lets out another groan, this time of frustration. He reaches out to grab at Josh's shirt, but he just chuckles and pushes Tyler's hands away. With an eyebrow cocked and that familiar smirk on his face, he tugs the plaid shirt from around his waist and pulls his vest top off over his head, but he stays out of reach of Tyler's hands. Josh takes a few steps back, and Tyler's eyes roam across his chest, his arms, his stomach. His skin stretches taught across bulging muscles, painted with swirls of colour over his shoulder and bicep. Tyler aches to touch him, to run his hands over every inch of Josh he can reach, but he stands in place as his boyfriend grins at him with a glint in his eyes. 

"Get on the bed, baby," Josh murmurs from his spot a few steps away, and Tyler immediately complies, a throb of desire shooting through him. He's nervous, and he doesn't know why. It's not like he hasn't been here with Josh before, but the way he's looking fixedly at Tyler with that little glimmer behind his eyes makes his heart race and his stomach twist. 

Josh walks over to Tyler as he lowers himself onto the edge of the bed, perched and gazing up at him, awaiting his next instruction. Still grinning, he leans down to grab at the waistbands of Tyler's leggings and underwear, yanking them both down and right off his legs in one movement. Tyler falls back on the bed as Josh undresses him, the feeling of every brush of hands against his skin even more heightened in his unclothed state. His breathing is coming in shallow gasps as he lies on his back, waiting to feel the weight of Josh lying down on top of him, but it doesn't come. 

He lifts his head up off the bed to see Josh, still in his jeans, just looking at him from where he's standing on the floor. He lets out an involuntary little whine as his hips press up into the air. He doesn't think he can do this anymore, the teasing and the waiting and the restraining himself from pouncing on his boyfriend. He needs Josh, now.

"On your hands and knees," Josh whispers harshly to him, kicking the boots off his feet. 

Tyler's heart rate spikes at his words, and at the low, gravelly voice he speaks them in. He clambers up the bed, bending over in front of Josh and holding his breath, the anticipation building in the pit of his stomach bubbling up through him and making him shudder. He lets out a little whine as he feels the mattress sink behind him and Josh's fingers trail across his lower back. 

"Fuck, you're so gorgeous, Ty," Josh croaks out, hands grabbing Tyler's hips roughly as he talks, his fingers pressing into the old bruises on them. Tyler is sure he'll have plenty of brand new, bright purple marks blossoming on his skin by the end of the day. He answers with another whine, pushing his hips back in Josh's hands. 

A squealing moan rips from his chest as he feels Josh's hand smack down hard on his ass, the loud slap resounding in the room, and his hips buck back roughly as he pleads for more. Josh chuckles behind him, and Tyler feels a soft, open mouthed kiss being pecked onto the spot now left stinging by Josh's fingers. 

He draws out the process, leaving torturously long pauses between the slaps of his hand on Tyler's flesh. He keeps it up until Tyler is rock hard, dripping precome, and he's sure he has bright red hand prints all over his ass. He has to resort to biting a mouthful of the duvet to muffle the loud squeals he lets out every time Josh's palm makes contact. His hands are all over him, running down his spine, stroking across his ass cheeks. Sweet, gentle, caressing touches in between harsh, stinging slaps that make Tyler utterly crazy and he just wants Josh to fuck him right this second. 

The skin Josh is spanking ceaselessly burns white hot with throbbing pain, his tender kisses and stroking hands between strikes doing little to ease the stinging, and Tyler loves it. Josh brings both of his hands down _hard_ on his ass again, one on each cheek, and keeps them there. Tyler can feel him shuffling up the bed, coming up closer behind him as his hands spread him open, then a sudden warm, wetness trickling down the split in his cheeks as he hears Josh spit.

"Oh my God, Josh, please," he whines out, hips bucking his ass back into Josh's hands, breath catching in his throat and his own hands grabbing fistfuls of the sheets under him. 

A teasing tongue comes to run in a line down Tyler's entrance, tracing lightly, applying none of the pressure that he's craving to his very core. He tries to push back into the feeling, but Josh's firm, gripping hands keep him in place as he draws delicate circles around his asshole with the tip of his tongue. Tyler lets out a choked up moan, the sensation nowhere near enough. 

"Please, Josh. Please," he begs, still trying to grind back into Josh's face, then his words are cut off as he yells out. Josh is burying his face in his ass with another sharp smack, licking and lapping and sucking, the stimulation is almost too much after so long spent craving. 

Josh's grip on his ass relents, letting Tyler jolt and buck his hips back into him, grinding up and down on the feeling of his sucking lips and pressing tongue. He lets out another strained scream as Josh's tongue slips inside of him, hot and wet, exploring, probing. He squirms and writhes, bent over on the bed, as Josh spreads him again in an attempt to delve deeper, and Tyler is already feeling the familiar tug behind his navel, approaching climax. 

The hands on his asscheeks splay to stroke up across his back, using a firm pressure but gentle touches. They creep right up to his shoulders, then Josh uses his fingernails to drag tracks down the skin of his back, the spike of pain making Tyler wail again as Josh withdraws his tongue to press kisses all over his ass, the skin still twinging a little from being repeatedly slapped. 

"Fuck, you are so God damn hot," Josh groans out from behind him, hands coming down to rest on his hips now as he continues pressing kisses to Tyler's raw skin. 

"Please, Josh," he cries out, seemingly incapable of forming any other words at this point. His hips are grinding back into nothing now and the loss is making him ache all over. 

Josh's hands at his hips tighten their grip to flip him around roughly and throw him onto his back. Once Tyler is staring up into his eyes, Josh drops down on top of him, catching himself on his hands either side of Tyler's head as he mashes their lips together. Their tongues meet in a passionate, open mouthed kiss and he can taste himself on Josh's lips. He pushes his achingly hard cock up into Josh's crotch through his jeans, desperate to relieve the throbbing pain of being ignored, but once again his boyfriend has that _fucking smirk_ on his face again as he pulls away. 

He grabs Tyler harshly by the hips again to drag him down the bed, and Tyler is grinding and moaning out with every forceful movement. It drives him absolutely insane when Josh manhandles him like this, when he shows his strength. He's always so soft and sweet, so aggressively protective, and it's such a stark contrast to see him with a dark look in his eyes, intent on causing him physical pain. Josh is on his knees between Tyler's legs, sitting back on his heels as he runs his hands up and down Tyler's stomach and chest, down his thighs, fingers tracing across all the skin they can reach, but avoiding the one place Tyler wants them to go. 

Every now and then, Josh's fingertips will brush past the head of his cock, or he will trail his hand underneath the spot where Tyler's erection lies on his stomach, nails dragging along his lower abdomen. But he doesn't give him the relief of wrapping a hand around his length, no matter how many times he bucks his hips or begs for it. His tracing fingers are raising Tyler's skin in goosebumps, the featherlight touches making him shiver and squirm. He's staring up at Josh as his hands roam across his body, watching the way his eyes are drinking in every inch of Tyler's form they can see. The way Josh is looking at him draws a whine from his throat that cracks in the middle and trails off at the end. He has had more than enough of Josh's revenge at this point, he just needs to be fucked. As a wandering hand brushes past his dick again, Tyler bucks his hips up sharply with a quiet moan and Josh meets his gaze, pausing his traversing across the plains of Tyler's torso. 

"You're so impatient, Ty," Josh chuckles as his hands come to rest on his hips, finally ceasing their endless roving. 

"Please, Josh," Tyler whines out, dropping his head back on the bed. "Please, it's got to have been hours already, please touch me."

Josh grins at him, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to his lips, then he shimmies himself down the bed. Tyler lifts his head and looks down at him, wide eyed, as his face comes level with Tyler's crotch. He starts pressing kisses to all the angry, purple bruises littering his hips, gentle and sweet and soft, open mouthed and loving, then he bites at the skin of one particularly painful mark left by the table backstage at Josh's gig, and Tyler takes in a sharp breath, letting it out as a moan. Josh looks up at him with a smirk, then bites down on the skin again to suck a hickey on top of the bruise. Pain throbs through the skin as Josh works, and Tyler's hips buck up at the feeling. 

"Please, Josh, I need it, please," he cries out, a hand moving to bury itself in his pink curls as his lips break away from Tyler's skin. 

Josh has a sly smile on his face as he grabs one of Tyler's legs by the calf and throws it over his shoulder to lie on his stomach on the bed between them. Tyler pulls himself up to lean on one elbow, other hand still tangling in his wild, pink hair, and stares down to see Josh looking back at him. He's still got that maddening smirk on his face as he wraps a hand around the base of Tyler's painfully hard cock, his grip slack and his fingers unmoving. With a frustrated groan, Tyler tries bucking up into his fingers, seeking some friction, but Josh grabs his hip with his free hand and pushes him back down onto the bed. 

He starts to move his hand torturously slowly, stroking Tyler up and down at a pace that serves only to frustrate him further rather than provide any relief. He attempts to buck his hips up again, but Josh shoves him down harder this time, pushing his thumb forcefully into the bruise he's just laid a hickey over, and making Tyler yelp in pain. He leans forward, still with that smug smile, until his lips are less than an inch away from the head of Tyler's cock, then stops. Mouth open, Tyler can feel his breath ghosting across the tip of his dick, he watches as Josh's tongue peaks out of his mouth to lick his lips, then disappears again, and whimpers loudly.

"Please, Josh," he sobs, his hips bucking up involuntarily this time, earning him another shove and squeeze at his bruises. He whines at the shooting pain, closing his eyes and falling flat on his back against the bed, feeling like he may actually cry if Josh doesn't start giving him what he wants, what he _needs_ , soon. "Jishwa, please, I need it, I need it, I need it," he chants, writhing in the bedsheets and tugging gently at Josh's hair. 

His eyes shoot open and his head snaps up as he feels a rough wetness at the head of his cock, and sure enough Josh has his tongue out as far as it'll go and he's wrapping it around the tip of Tyler's dick, licking and lapping at him while he looks up into his eyes. 

"Fuck yes!" he cries out, cock throbbing at the sight and the sensation. "Please, please, don't stop."

Josh pulls back then, with that infuriating little smirk, and Tyler very nearly bursts into tears until Josh's lips are around him and he's sucking Tyler into his mouth and down his throat. He tries his best and all that he can to resist the overwhelming urge to buck his hips up into Josh's sucking mouth as both of his hands have come to hold him down now, but he's overcome by the urgent need and he thrusts up into his boyfriend's mouth. He hits the back of his throat, and Josh _gags_ around him. He's never felt someone wretch around the head of his cock before, and it's almost enough to send him over the edge of orgasm. 

"Ah, fuck!" he yelps, screwing up his face as Josh keeps sucking him up and down, a low groan leaving him to vibrate through Tyler's length. Once he's seen Tyler's reaction, Josh starts taking him down deep enough to gag on every advance, and Tyler is gasping and writhing and bucking his hips as he huffs out moans and whines. "Jish, I'm gonna come, you're gonna make me come, please," he babbles as a heavy retch heaves through Josh from Tyler's thrusting cock. He pulls his length from his mouth at the words with an obscene, 'pop', and Tyler yells out in protest. 

"Did I say you could come?" Josh asks, and Tyler opens his squinched eyes to see him sitting back up on his knees, glaring down at him. Tyler lets out a tormented whimper, head flopping down onto the bed, but Josh's hand cups his chin and pulls his face to meet his eye contact. "Answer me."

It makes Tyler throb. The authoritative tone, the cold glare Josh is giving him, the dominance he's exuding, all of it torturously, painfully hot. He gives another little mewl of frustration before shaking his head. 

"No, Josh," he murmurs in a tiny voice. 

"So, are you allowed to come?" his boyfriend presses, still holding him by the chin. 

"No, Josh," he repeats, a needy whine to his words as he grinds his ass down into the bed, needing some kind of contact, any friction he can find. He catches Josh giving a tiny groan, quiet and low pitched, as he writhes around on the bed in front of him, desperately needing to coax more of the sounds from him. He lifts his head when he feels his weight disappear from the mattress between his legs.

Josh stands up from the bed, moving quickly to yank open his top drawer, extract a small, plastic bottle, and shove it closed again. He sets it on the bedside table as his hands move to unbutton his jeans and slide them down his legs, the fabric so tight he has to yank at them to inch them down. Tyler loves those jeans. 

"Leave them on," he groans, ass still grinding down into the duvet with his incessant need for friction. Josh gives him a devilish grin as he abandons his efforts to remove his pants, instead just tugging down his boxers to meet the trousers at his thighs. 

His cock, rock hard and thick, head glistening an angry red, bounces from the fabric as he pulls his underwear down, and Tyler takes in a gasp so sudden and huge that he almost chokes, the deep breath wrenching from him again as a noise somewhere between screaming, singing and crying. Josh's features take on that same smile he's been wearing all day long, the one that makes Tyler's insides clench, and he stares into Tyler's eyes as he reaches for the little bottle on the nightstand again. 

Tyler watches as he uncaps the bottle and squirts a generous amount in his hand, then wraps his fingers around his cock, hissing at the stroke of his palm and breaking their eye contact briefly to throw his head back on his shoulders. Tyler wants to bite his neck, suck hickeys onto the exposed skin, to bat his hand away and use his own to bring Josh pleasure, to force him down onto the bed, climb on top of him, and ride him. Instead he just watches, still laid on his back across the bed, as Josh's head comes back up to gaze at him again, his eyes glimmering with mischief, as he slowly squeezes his hand up and down his dick, spreading the lube along his length. 

The corner of Josh's mouth curls further, revealing a flash of his perfectly white teeth as a crooked smile takes over his face, and he lets out this gorgeous, high pitched little moan. One of the little moans Tyler desperately craves any time they touch, the sounds he got a plethora of when he was on his knees on the floor of Josh's childhood bedroom, his voice cracking in the middle with the high pitch, and Tyler meets it with a desperate moan of his own. 

Josh's grin grows as he lets out another of the beautiful little sounds, his hand speeding up as he coats himself, breath hitching a little, and then he starts panting out, "Fuuuuuck, Ty, that's it, right there, baby," as he pumps his fist up and down. 

"You bastard!" Tyler cries out, still squirming and bucking in the sheets as his skin crawls with the need to feel Josh on top of him, behind him, inside him. His face screws up as his head drops back on the bed again, unable to take another second of watching Josh jack off and not being allowed to touch. He hears his wheezy giggle, then feels his weight on the mattress again at the foot of the bed, and his eyes fly open as Josh grabs his ankles tightly and yanks him down the bed towards him. When he has Tyler within arms reach, he puts a hand under each of his arms and pulls him to sit up, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to his forehead, then moving to whisper in his ear.

"On your hands and knees," Josh tells him for a second time, and Tyler does as he's told immediately, quickly tossing himself around and dragging himself up onto his knees, leaning down on his elbows and turning his head to the side so that he can see Josh's face behind him. 

"You're so good for me, baby boy," Josh smiles, running a hand up and down Tyler's spine gently, and the praise makes his heart flutter. He doesn't have much time to react, however, because almost right after he's said the words, Josh is moving forward to line himself up, hot and thick and throbbing, between Tyler's asscheeks, making him moan so hard it strains his vocal chords. He hears Josh let out a quiet little huff of, "Fuck!" and it comforts him very slightly to know that, under his calm, cool and collected façade, Josh might be struggling a little with the sexual frustration too. 

He starts moving behind him, his slick head passing back and forth across Tyler's entrance, as he grinds his hips into him. The tip of his cock is rubbing up and down over Tyler's incredibly sensitive hole over and over, making him twitch and moan. Occasionally, Josh bucks his hips in just the right way so that he dips himself in very slightly and very briefly, only just pushing enough to start the stretch around his thickness, before he pulls back again. Tyler can't take it for another second. 

On one grind, right as Josh pushes the tip of his cock briefly against the tight ring of muscle, Tyler shoves his hips backwards hard, forcing a few inches of him inside. He emits a tortured, squealing moan as Josh groans out, long and low, throbbing a little inside him. The pain of being torn open doesn't even register with Tyler because finally, _finally_ , Josh is inside him, and it's all he's ever wanted. He throws his hips back into Josh again, grinding backwards until his dick is buried to the hilt and he's falling across Tyler's back, yelling out a loud moan as Tyler literally screams out his name. 

"Fuck me, fuck me, please Josh, I need you to fuck me, hard, _please_ , Joshie," he calls out all in one breath, grinding his hips back into Josh still balls deep inside him, feeling so gloriously full as Josh, long and hard and thick, finally stretches him out. 

"You know, I think, maybe, Brendon might just be right about you, you really _are_ a kinky little slut," Josh pants with a smile once he's steadied himself, his hips drawing his length all the way out of Tyler's tight, gripping ass, just to ram himself back in.

Tyler lets out a choked out moan of, "Fuuuuuuck, Josh," with a hard buck of his hips, shoving his ass down onto Josh's dick with force. Head still turned to the side against the mattress, Tyler sees him raise an eyebrow over his shoulder. 

"You like that, huh? You like being my dirty little slut?" he rasps, pulling back to shove himself into Tyler even harder with his words, making the boy on his hands and knees in front of him squeal. 

"Fuck yes, Josh, all yours," Tyler manages to breathe out between high pitched, keening moans, serving only to make Josh slam his hips into him harder still. 

"Yeah, you are," Josh groans in agreement, hands settling on Tyler's hips and fingers squeezing hard into the bruises there. "My dirty, filthy, kinky little slut," he purrs, picking up the pace of his thrusts. Then with another hard smack to one of Tyler's asscheeks, he growls out, " **Mine**."

Josh grabs Tyler hard by the hips and starts pulling him back roughly to meet his forceful thrusts, hands shoving him forward and then yanking him into his relentlessly pounding dick, almost violently fucking him as the head of his cock slams into his g-spot repeatedly. Tyler can't think farther than desperately squealing out Josh's name. He can't focus on anything but Josh's cock ramming into him hard enough to make him see stars, filling him up until it burns. He's never in his life felt anything like it, the pleasure and relief Josh is giving him. After a day of promising with no payoff, a day of being tantalised, tortured and teased, a day of desperately wanting Josh with every atom of his body and being denied him countless times, to finally have him is bliss that far exceeds anything he's ever felt before, even the previous orgasms Josh has brought him. 

Tyler is being much, much too loud. Just some spanking had him shrieking like an overly enthusiastic pornstar, the noises Josh is wrenching from him with his harsh, bucking hips and hard, throbbing cock are bordering on a public disturbance. Josh loves it, though. Tyler's noises always serve as an incentive for him to fuck harder, faster, to see if he can get a louder moan from him on his next thrust. Their skin slaps together loud enough that Tyler wouldn't be shocked if neighbours could hear that alone, never mind his ridiculously loud, squealing moans. Josh is letting out long, low pitched groans as he fucks Tyler hard enough that the their bodies meeting is making the red-raw, slapped skin of his asscheeks start to burn with pain again, but he wants more of those tuneful little high pitched sounds he loves so much. 

As Josh fiercely yanks Tyler's hips down into his ramming cock, Tyler pulls him out of his rhythm to grind his ass in deep, hard circles around him, crying out these loud, sobbing screams as the head of Josh's cock scrapes and digs around his prostate. Josh keeps jabbing his hips forward in these little jolts that send an intense wave of pleasure shooting through him, starting in his ass and coursing through his veins to leave through his fingertips. 

"Fuuuuuuuuck, Ty, baby, your ass is always so fucking tight," Josh calls out as Tyler works his hips around his cock. "I swear to God, I'm gonna fuck the tightness away one day," he promises, and Tyler lets out a destroyed whine at the thought. They would be fucking all day long...

He keeps pushing perfect circles back into Josh's dick, his mouth falling open as more singing, keening cries leave him, until he's pulled from his grinding by a hammering sound on one of Josh's bedroom walls, one that connects to the next apartment, and a muffled voice sounding positively incensed shouts something to the tune of, "Shut the fuck up!"

Tyler's circular motions have stopped, but Josh's hips pick up the slack, bucking into him again, taking up his flawless rhythm once more and building speed and force. His stamina never ceases to amaze Tyler, how he can fuck so hard and so fast without stopping for so long is beyond him. 

"You better not hold in your screams for that mother fucker," Josh snarls, hips snapping over and over and earning him more broken and cracked moans. "I wanna hear you, baby," he hushes as his hips get a little faster, and Tyler gives him what he wants. He lets go of any inhibitions he may have been clinging to, and he screams, he squeals, he gasps and huffs and whines, making this nasally little noises that drawl off and crowing in the back of his throat. The sounds he's making are garnering him more noises from Josh, more quiet, low pitches groans, and when Tyler starts grinding his hips back into him in circles again he even earns himself a quick, quiet little high pitched moan

The forced suppression of the climax that's been building in the pit of his stomach starts to ache so badly it becomes unbearable, and tears sting Tyler's eyes as he throws himself back to meet every painfully hard thrust of Josh's hips. His moans have twisted and tied together to come out of him as a long, whining, solid noise that hitches every time Josh ploughs into him. Even his prostate is starting to ache, both from abuse and from the desperate need for release. His stomach is starting to cramp like he's being stabbed and he so terribly needs release. Tyler reaches down quickly to grab his cock, to finally reach his clawing orgasm. 

"Don't you dare," Josh snarls, taking his hands from Tyler's hips to roughly grab his wrists and pin them behind his back again, and Tyler lets out a shattered, cracking moan as he shoves his ass backwards, Josh pushing him down hard into the mattress with the hands holding his wrists in place. 

"Please, please, I need to come, it hurts so bad, Josh _please_ ," Tyler wails, tears stinging his eyes again as the muscles of his ass start to clench around Josh's pounding cock. He's so close, so incredibly, unbearably close. 

Josh's hips come to a standstill when he's buried to his base in his ass, and he wraps his arms around Tyler's waist and pulls him into his lap. Shuffling around to lay out on his back, he then tugs Tyler around, still impaled on his length, to face him. 

"You can come, but you're gonna have to work for it, baby boy," he smirks as he stares up at Tyler, who's already grinding down into him. "Ride me," he groans out, and Tyler lets out a high pitched whine as he lifts himself up onto his knees, sliding Josh out to the tip, then slams his ass back down onto him. Josh lets out his own whine this time, head thrown back in the pillows, and Tyler throbs at he sight. He braces himself with two hands on Josh's chest and gets to work, grinding and bouncing on his boyfriend's cock as he's met with hips that buck up into him in the same rhythm. 

Josh's hands trail nails across his thighs, ghost fingertips up his forearms, splay fingers across his stomach and ribs as Tyler grinds circles down into him, bounces up and down, and slowly pulls him all the way out to slam back down with all his body weight until his g-spot throbs in pain. Josh tries to hold his gaze as Tyler looks down at him, but he keeps throwing his head back in pleasure and letting out those wonderful little high-pitched moans as Tyler moves on top of him. He's nowhere near as seasoned as Josh, having to pause for breath and aching muscles after a bout of hard, frantic pounding and his rhythm is a little sloppy, but Josh's head grinding into his destroyed prostate feels as fantastic as ever, and the way Josh's face screws up when Tyler rams hips down onto his cock makes it seem like he's enjoying himself, too. 

"Fuck, Ty, you're so gorgeous, I love you so fucking much, you feel so good baby," he babbles as his hips flick up into him, slowly getting harder and picking up speed, then he lets out a hoarse groan, "I want you to come for me baby." Tyler squeals out at his words, slamming himself down onto Josh harder now. "I'm gonna fuck you hard, and I want you to come for me."

Tyler just nods as a needy whine emits from him, then Josh grabs him by the hips, keeping him up on his knees, and starts doing what he does best. He fucks Tyler so hard the entire bed begins inching across the room, ramming and pounding himself up into Tyler's ass so hard he can feel the spots on his inner thighs that are certain to bruise from Josh's ruthless hip bones, the coarse material of his jeans against his skin rubbing him raw and his entire body jolting with every connection of Josh's hips to his ass. Josh knows by heart exactly where Tyler's g-spot is, the angle he needs to hit no matter what their position, and his cock shoves into it hard with every thrust. Tyler is clenching hard around him, he's sobbing out keening moans, he's reaching forward to grip handfuls of Josh's hair and tug, he's cursing, he's calling out Josh's name. 

And then he's _finally_ unraveling, after holding back for so long he's finally allowed to tip over the precipice of his climax. He shouts out loud enough and long enough to make him hoarse, screaming out Josh's name, and God's, as he clenches so tightly around Josh's cock that he has to stop fucking him, and he's crying out as well. It actually physically hurts Tyler to come, it's been that long building up, a shooting pain in his stomach and his balls as he comes thick and hard and fast, covering Josh's chest and stomach with the first few fierce ropes of it, then it throbs out of him as he grinds down into Josh, still clenched tight, making Josh whine again. 

"Fuuuuuuuuuck, you're so tight it hurts, baby," Josh groans, grabbing Tyler around the back of the head to pull him in for a long, deep kiss, their tongues dancing around each other and both of them making little moaning hums in the backs of their throats. Then Tyler is slowly picking himself back up onto his knees and sliding Josh's still angry and throbbing length from him. 

He hears Josh's breath hitch as he shifts himself down the bed, and he turns to look up at Josh's eye as he brings his lips to the head of his cock. 

"Use me," he whispers, and he gets another high pitched whine from Josh as he fists his hands in Tyler's hair and shoves his head down forcefully, making him gag right away. It takes only a minute, tops, of Josh bucking his hips into Tyler's mouth and fucking his throat for him to be whining urgently.

"Fuuuuuuuck, Ty, you're gonna make me come, baby, fuuuuuck," he cries out, head thrown back in the pillow. 

Tyler's eyes have been trained on his face this whole time, with the exception of the gags so strong he has to close his eyes to get through them. The faces Josh makes when he's close to orgasm are stunningly beautiful, he wants to memorise each subtle nuance of his expression on his road to climax, he wants to be able to summon these countenances to mind any time he starts to miss his boyfriend. However, just as he sees Josh's face screw up into that silent scream he makes right become he comes, he pulls Tyler's head off his cock by the hair, and he whines out at the loss, eager to taste his release. Josh forces his eyes open and his head off the pillows to watch the scene unfold below him as he wraps a hand around his cock, pumping once, twice, just in time Tyler sticks out his tongue to catch a little of his come as, on the third squeezing stroke, he lets go, and it lands across his face. 

He lets out a long, growling sound that starts off low pitched and rumbling, but ends up trailing off high pitched and whining. Tyler runs his tongue over his lips to taste what he can of Josh's release, then runs a finger through what he can feel on his cheek to lick it off, reminding himself of his whipped cream topped coffee. Josh lets out another groan as he watches him suck his finger clean and swallow hard. 

"You sexy bitch," he huffs out, and Tyler giggles. Josh grabs him under the arms again, pulling him up his body to mash their lips together, Tyler still with Josh's come all over his face and Josh with Tyler's pooling on his chest and stomach, covering one another as they kiss, open mouthed and sloppy, gasping for breath. Josh breaks away with a grin and leans over to yank open a drawer and produce a packet of Kleenex tissues. He takes one out of the packet and starts gently wiping at Tyler's cheeks and nose, then catching the drops that hang from his eyelashes. 

"Fuck," he grins as he swipes the last of his mess from Tyler's forehead, then plants a kiss there. "I swear to God, Ty, I've been wanting to cover your pretty little face in my come since the first time I laid eyes on you." Tyler just giggles, but Josh presses on. "I'm serious! I mean, it's not like I was only thinking about sex or anything. Of course I was thinking, 'Dear God this kid is so gorgeous and adorable and sweet and I just wanna cuddle him forever,' but you zoned out a couple of times that day. You just sat there with these big, doe eyes and pouty lips parted a little, and I couldn't help but think, shit, I want this kid on his knees in front of me with my come dripping down his face."

Tyler blushes furiously at his words, thinking back to the same day and how he'd gotten lost in thoughts of having Josh in his bed. Perhaps they had both been thinking of getting one another naked at the same time. The thought fills him with so much joy, that even on their first meeting their were attuned enough to be lusting after each other at the same time. 

"Why didn't you tell me? We could have done that a long time ago," he smiles, heat still in his cheeks from blushing. 

"Trust me, Ty. It was worth the wait," Josh smiles back, pressing another kiss to Tyler's forehead and taking another couple of tissues from the pack for them to clean off their chests, then pulling his underwear and jeans back up. "I know I say this all the time, but I have never had better sex. And that's true for every time. It just seems to keep getting better and I don't know how, but you are fucking incredible."

Tyler can feel himself blushing again as he lets out another giggle, suddenly shy, which makes no sense whatsoever given the events that have transpired over the past few hours. 

"How do you think I feel? I was just a poor, innocent little virgin, I'd never even properly kissed anyone before. And now I'm officially a kinky slut having mind blowing fuck sessions with my Sex God of a boyfriend," Tyler counters, and Josh bursts out laughing, his wheezy giggle, both high and low in pitch, still making Tyler feel immediately secure, still reminding him of trees, just like the very first time he'd ever heard it. "I'm so lucky," he muses, and Josh's laughter trails off into a smile as he looks expectantly at Tyler to continue. "Josh, you're perfect. Like, the things you say and do for me, the way you're always there for me and know exactly how to ground me, and how you're so like me but also so unlike me..."

He trails off, looking down at his hands. He doesn't have the words to express to Josh just how much he means to him. He can't put into a sentence how much he needs Josh, how much he adores him, how much he appreciates him, how much he misses him when they're apart. Tyler could take every word from every language used in the entire world and still not have the words to tell Josh how much he loves him. 

"I'm no good with speaking words, I'm better at writing them down, they don't get so jumbled. I just- I just love you, Josh. I love you more than anything in the whole world. I'd die for you," he speaks to his hands, then thinks over his words. He looks up to see Josh staring at him, and speaks to his eyes this time. "I'd stay alive for you."

Josh's arms come up to wrap around his shoulders and pull him down into a cuddle, and Tyler melts into him. His legs tangle together with Josh's jean-clad ones as he takes up his rightful position, slotted into Josh's side like a jigsaw puzzle and resting his head on his chest. Josh puts a finger under his chin to angle his head up and look into his eyes, something burning behind his own that puts Tyler a little on edge. 

"I love you too, Tyler. So much it fucking scares me, if I'm honest. I've never, ever been here before, but I'm so glad it's with you. I'm even glad that it's terrifying. Like, the way I feel about you is so huge and uncontrollable that even I'm scared of it. I've never, ever felt this way. But I'm so, so glad it's with you," he gushes, leaning down to peck another kiss to Tyler's forehead, but he scoots up the bed to meet his lips with his own. 

The kiss feels as though it lasts for hours, starting off with pecking lips and soft, open-mouthed kisses, then their tongues meeting to lazily swirl around each other. Josh wraps his arms tighter around Tyler to pull him on top of his chest, almost every inch of their exposed skin pressed together, but this time there isn't a hint of lust behind it. This time it's all love. Josh's hands roam the expanse of his back, all gentle, stroking caresses, moving down to give a very tender squeeze to his buttocks. 

"Is your butt okay, baby boy?" Josh asks after an age of their kissing, and Tyler snorts. 

"No, it is absolutely destroyed in at _least_ three ways," he laughs, and Josh looks guilty for a beat before he continues. "That's not a bad thing. By this point you know I love your marks on me, and when you hurt me," he smirks, and Josh smiles a little, kissing his forehead gently. 

"Yeah, but then you're fucked up for days afterward and it's all my fault," he pouts and Tyler giggles. 

"That's the best bit! I'll be in a super lame English class learning about ol' Billy Shakes, and then I'll shift in my seat and my ass will sting and I'll be like, "Oh, hey. Remember that time my outrageously hot boyfriend called me his 'dirty, filthy, kinky little slut' while he was fucking me in those tight-ass zebra jeans?" and my whole day will be made," he grins, and Josh is beaming back at him, eyes crinkling at the corners as his hair sits wildly disheveled on his head. He is stunningly gorgeous. It still makes Tyler's heart flutter. "I love all the dirty little reminders you leave on me," he smiles down at his hands. "They all remind me of a different story. They calm me down, sometimes. Like, I've sat in an English lecture and pressed the bruises on my hips because they make me think of you."

He doesn't know why he's telling Josh this. It's quite embarrassing, really, but Josh squeezes around his waist and kisses across his cheeks. 

"You're so lovely, Tyler. I wish I could make you see yourself how I see you. I wish I could make you believe it. You're the most wonderful person I know," he smiles, and Tyler's so overcome with happiness, joy, glee that he could sing. 

"You're causing me actual, physical pain, Josh. Can you stop being so sweet? Like, I think you gave me diabetes," Tyler jokes and Josh chuckles. 

"Nope, sorry, I'm never gonna stop being sweet to you," he grins, pecking another kiss to Tyler's forehead before shifting him off his chest and back onto the bed. "I'm gonna make a Red Bull run, you want one?" he smiles, taking his arms from around his waist to sit up in the bed, and Tyler can't stand for their contact to be broken. 

"I'll come with you," he smiles, and Josh lets out a little laugh. 

"I'll be gone for sixty seconds, baby. I just gotta pee," he smiles, but Tyler pouts. 

"Noooooooo, don't leeeeeeeave me," he whines, sitting up beside him to wrap his arms around Josh's waist instead. Josh laughs louder at this, running a hand through Tyler's hair. 

"Babe, it will literally take me ten seconds to piss," he grins, and Tyler smiles back. 

"Okay, cool, I'll come with you!" he jokes, but Josh doesn't protest, just biting his tongue between his teeth in a smile as he stands up

So Tyler stands up with him, grabbing his boxers and leggings from the floor to pull them back on, and then he wraps his arms around Josh from behind, awkwardly shuffling along in his footsteps towards the bathroom and clinging around his back like a koala the whole time he pees, then the whole time he washes his hands. He stays where he is, Josh chuckling in front of him, as they traipse into the kitchen. He grabs a couple of cans of Red Bull from the fridge as Tyler presses kisses into his neck, then they do their awkward little shuffle back to the bedroom, Tyler only letting go when they're back at the side of the bed, flopping down onto the mattress. 

Josh ducks down for a second, rifling around under his bed, then produces his laptop and sets it down on the sheets as he clambers back onto the mattress beside Tyler. He opens it up, typing in his password, then slides the computer across the bed to him. 

"You choose something for us to watch," he smiles, sitting back against the headboard of his bed and cracking open his Red Bull. Tyler can feel Josh's eyes on him as he bites his tongue between his teeth and furrows his brow in concentration while he first thinks of, then searches for his chosen programme. In his peripheral vision he sees a little smile playing at the corners of Josh's lips as he gazes at him, and he wonders if maybe Josh is using his same technique of memorising every little detail for the days when they'll be apart. 

**-**

The two of them lay in bed for hours together, wrapped up in one another and kissing and cuddling and talking and watching cartoons. They make their way through six cans of red bull and a packet of Doritos as they laze around in bed and achieve absolutely nothing, and Josh couldn't possibly think of a more perfect way to spend his day. 

He's still getting an anxious sense of dread in the pit of his stomach any time he gets inside his head and takes a second to think about how he's acting with any kind of rational thought. He has everything to lose. He's throwing himself into this relationship so completely and entirely after less than three months of being together. He's planning the rest of their lives together in his head when they've only been together for an amount of time that could still be discussed in weeks. It's terrifying, the thought of what might happen if things don't work out, if he has to go back to life without Tyler after knowing what life with Tyler is like. 

Everything seems a lot heavier today, their kisses and cuddles dripping with love, Tyler's declaration of his adoration being the first thing he woke up to that morning, the fact that Tyler is now on a first name basis with everyone in his family, bar his father (who most certainly appreciated the respect Tyler showed him by referring to him only as 'sir', or 'mister Dun'). Josh loves absolutely everything about it, it's making him the happiest he can ever remember being, and that's what's so scary. What will he do if the biggest source of happiness in his life is taken away from him? 

He's torn from his thoughts by the sound of a meow, as both of his kittens slink into the room and, one after the other, pounce up onto the bed to join them. Tyler squees as soon as he sees the cats, and shuffles down the bed to roll around with them in the sheets. He talks to them in the most heart-meltingly adorable, little, sugary sweet baby voice, and it makes Josh's heart glow brighter still. 

"Who's a pretty kitty cat? You's a pretty kitty cat! Yiss you're so lovely, yiss you're the cutest," he babbles, kissing a kitten on the nose as he gives him tickles behind his fluffy ear. Josh can't help the quiet chuckle that escapes him at Tyler's display, and he turns to shuffle back up the bed. 

"You're a pretty kitty cat too, Jishwa," he coos in the same juvenile voice, scratching his nails through the short hair behind Josh's ear, and it actually feels incredible. He leans into Tyler's hand, purring in the back of his throat, and Tyler launches into a fit of giggles. 

"Oh my God, you are the cutest kitty cat in the whole world," he gushes, leaning over to kiss Josh on the nose this time as he scrunches it up, and he decides that yes, he could get very badly hurt, completely broken, truly shattered by Tyler. But he also decides that he would definitely go through that pain to spend even a day of his time in his company. 

Loving Tyler Joseph is worth any amount of pain in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean, I've done some pretty terrible things in my time, but this really takes the rainbow cake.


	33. Swinging

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a lot like a cat. Fluffy and sassy. It's also about 90% dialogue, sorry. Brendon and Tyler had a lot of shit to say, man. 
> 
> I'm really sorry this took so long to post, but it's the new longest chapter. Just shy of 10k words, man. I am getting ridiculous. 
> 
> Enjoy! ❤️

Tyler's entire body aches, even with having done nothing but lay in bed for hours on end. His and Josh's last night together before responsibility calls them back to the real world has flown by in what feels like seconds. It's long since grown dark outside, the numbers on Tyler's phone seeming to jump forward wildly every time he checks the time. Josh has ordered a pizza, the idea of making food completely going against their plans of not leaving the bedroom until the next morning, and they're watching X-Files on Josh's laptop while they wait for the buzzer. 

"I can't believe it's already November," Josh muses out of the blue. "Hey, how early do you think it's acceptable for me to start blasting out Christmas tunes?"

Tyler grins at him. "Are we taking into consideration me or all your neighbours?"

"Uhh... Both," he decides. 

"I mean, I don't mind if you wanna start listening to Deck the Halls in July, frankly. But for your neighbours, you might wanna keep the volume down, at least until December. It's only just gone Hallowe'en, Spooky," Tyler teases, and Josh smiles at him. 

"I can be spooky and Christmassy too! I just really love Christmas. Like, I'm gonna decorate soon, I'm not even kidding," he keeps his face straight, and Tyler believes him. 

"I really hope it snows this year," he tells Josh, his eyes sparkling at the idea. "I love it when it snows on my birthday. It's my favourite of the weathers, I think. Except leafy."

"Leafy?" Josh laughs, and Tyler nods. 

"Yeah, like the leafy weather is just ending now. Fall weather. All the trees shedding their leaves and the streets covered in 'em. Stepping on the really crispy ones. That's my very favourite."

"That's not weather, Ty," Josh grins, chuckling a little. "It's not like moms are telling their kids, 'Wrap up warm, Spencer. It's leafy out,' or like, 'No honey, you can play in the park later, it's leafing.'"

"Whadd'ya talkin' about my mom used to say that all the time!" Tyler protests in mock disbelief and Josh laughs again. 

"I think my favourite is just hot. It means I get to go shirtless and show off my hot bod' to all the babes," he grins and right then, the buzzer shrills in the front room. "Oh! Speaking of staying in peak physical fitness, let's eat an entire pizza!"

He pops out of the bedroom, grabbing the twenty dollar bill left in anticipation of food on the nightstand, to answer the door. Tyler chuckles to himself at the fact that Josh doesn't even pull on a t-shirt to greet the pizza delivery guy, wearing nothing but skin tight, zebra print jeans, messy, bright pink hair and a smile. As he sits up on the bed, he audibly groans in pain, muscles screaming and skin protesting at the movement. It's probably going to take him a week to recover from the day's activities, but it's a price worth paying. 

As Josh walks back in a minute later laden with a large, flat box, both kittens perk up at the smell of food. They had taken to curling up at the foot of the bed, joining in on Josh and Tyler's plan of being bed-ridden all day with enthusiasm. 

"You guys are such vultures!" Josh complains, setting the box down on the bed to take a cat under each arm and walk them from the room. Tyler already has a slice of pizza hanging from his mouth by the time Josh closes the door and turns back around. 

"Sorry," he apologises, but it comes out muffled through a spray of crumbs. He hurriedly chews and swallows before continuing, "it's the potato pizza! I couldn't help myself."

Josh beams at him, walking over to sit cross-legged on the bed and grab a slice himself. "I knew it was only your favourite pizza topping of all time," he teases and Tyler remembers what a fuss he'd made of the bizarre pairing the first time they'd eaten together. 

"Nah, my favourite pizza topping is definitely that little table they put in the middle to stop the cheese sticking to the top of the box," he grins and Josh laughs a wheezy giggle. 

"Yeah, that thing saves lives," he agrees, taking a huge bite. 

They've almost devoured the entire pizza in a matter of minutes, conversation between them reduced to declarations of their love for the humble potato or for pizza in general. Tyler hadn't noticed how hungry he was until his first bite, and now he's shovelling food into his mouth in a way that would make Brendon proud. As he eats, he acknowledges the fact that he's now comfortable enough with Josh to be ugly around him, because there is absolutely no way he looks good trying to fit a whole pizza slice into his mouth in one go, chewing with his mouth open and almost certainly getting tomato sauce and orange grease all over his face. Any time Tyler sees Brendon eat, it makes him physically recoil. He can't imagine he looks any better himself right now, and the wonderful thing is he doesn't care. 

He smiles over at Josh with a mouthful of cheesy dough and, when he sees his boyfriend's eyes crease in a smile, pulls a face and opens his mouth as wide as he can, showing him whatever chewed up mess is in his mouth. Josh bursts out laughing and shoves him gently.

"Dude, that is so gross!" he laughs, face screwed up, and Tyler leans across the bed to him. 

"Kittthhh me," he giggles through pizza, and Josh pecks a kiss to his forehead, beaming, before shoving him again. 

"You can have the last slice, but only if you close your mouth, you grosswad," Josh teases, and Tyler makes another face, but starts chewing in a much less vulgar manner. 

They go back to watching the show on Josh's computer screen, and Tyler has his pizza eaten and the empty box thrown on the floor before Josh pipes up again. "God, I really don't wanna go back to work tomorrow," he grumbles, reaching across the bed to wrap his arms around Tyler's waist and pull him in for a cuddle. 

"Yeah, I really, _really_ don't wanna go back to Shakespeare on Monday," Tyler agrees, huffing out a sigh. 

"Hey, you don't _have_ to go back tomorrow morning, if you don't want to," Josh begins, and Tyler rolls around in his arms to look at him curiously. "I mean, you can if you want! But, like, it would be really nice to get back from work tomorrow and you still be here. You could invite Brendon over to keep you company, and then we could all hang out when I get back."

The suggestion is so wonderful, so perfect, the idea that Josh wants to come home to him so sweet that he answers by leaning up to peck kisses all over his boyfriend's face. Josh's grin is huge as Tyler pulls away, his eyes creasing and his nose scrunching. His pink hair lies like a bird's nest on the pillow under his head, and Tyler is rejoicing that he gets one more day. One more day before he has to stockpile all of his memories of Josh and pack up to head back to college life. Maybe he'll even get to spend an extra, blissful night in Josh's arms tomorrow, too. 

"That sounds so perfect, you have no idea. Thank you," Tyler smiles, pressing another kiss to Josh's lips. 

"I can't wait until we live together and I don't have to spend a night without you," Josh whispers against his lips, and Tyler's heart stops momentarily. 

Josh wants to live with him? Tyler had been having the thoughts himself, this time they've had together has been so flawless, so sublime, he's been wishing it didn't have to end all week long. But living together is a big topic of discussion, especially after less than three months of knowing one another. It only takes him a matter of seconds, a few images in his minds eye of having an apartment with Josh, of spending every day together, for him to answer honestly. 

"Neither can I."

*****

Josh wakes Tyler up the next morning with kisses. He opens his eyes to a shock of pink hair in his face as lips trail a path over his nose and both cheeks, ending at his mouth. He presses a kiss back into Josh's lips and grins sleepily as his boyfriend pulls away. 

"G'morning, sleepyhead," Josh beams at him, and Tyler lets out a great yawn as he rubs his eyes. 

"Morning, Jishwa. What time is it?" he grumbles, shaking his head to try and wake himself up. 

"It's only eight fifteen, but I've got to get ready. You can go back to sleep, you just look so damn kissable in the mornings," he smirks, pecking another kiss to Tyler's lips. 

Tyler whines at his words, wrapping his arms around Josh's neck to wriggle closer to him. "Don't go. Just stay in bed all day with me again, it'll be so great."

"Don't tempt me!" he groans, tightening his grip around Tyler's waist. "I would spend every day in bed with you if I could, and we'd only get up to play music and pee, and then we'd go straight back to bed again."

As Josh pulls his body against him in a hug, Tyler lets out a little groan at the feeling him hard and pressed against his thigh. He rolls his hips into Josh's, earning him a hitch in breath, before Josh pulls away from him with a chuckle. 

"Tyler Joseph, I swear to God, you are insatiable sometimes," he giggles wheezily, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. 

"Hey, I was a sweet innocent lil' boy before you came around! You did this to me, so you've only got yourself to blame," Tyler smiles smugly, bucking his hips again for good measure, and Josh chuckles. He humours Tyler for a moment, pressing kisses into his neck then nipping at his skin with his teeth as he rolls his hips back into him, earning him a little moan. The zebra jeans Josh fell asleep in are riding low on his hips, and Tyler drops a hand to trace the lines of his pelvic muscles down to the waistband. As he tugs at them, Josh pulls away with a wry smile. 

"Sorry, baby boy. We literally can't. I've gotta get ready for work, I can't be late on my first day back. Besides, you need rest! I'm sure you'll agree as soon as you sit up, or at least your butt will agree," he winks, giving Tyler another quick kiss to the forehead, then pulling his arm out from under him and sitting up with a stretch. 

Tyler watches as Josh pushes himself from the bed and stands up, unbuttoning his jeans and starting to peel them off as he heads to the wardrobe against his wall. He sees him struggle to remove the pants, having to do an awkward shuffle of pulling them bit by bit down his legs, stepping on the fabric with his feet, then finally kicking them off. Tyler lets out a little giggle at Josh's dance, then finds distraction as he picks the pants up off the floor to fling them on top of a pile of laundry across the room. He still isn't used to Josh's body, not really. No matter how many times Tyler sees him without clothes on, it always stuns him. His boyfriend is so utterly gorgeous in every way, he doesn't think the sight of Josh without clothes on is something that will ever stop taking his breath away. 

Josh grabs a black outfit from his wardrobe, then pads off to the bathroom to take a quick shower. Tyler wants desperately to join him, to spend hours in the shower with him, make him take another day off work, but he knows that Josh can't be late, and suspects that, even if he got his wishes for them to shower together, his own body wouldn't be able to take it. He tentatively sits up in the bed, and lets out a loud, "Aaah," at the pain that throbs through his ass, his legs, his arms, even his stomach. He aches all over, and his hips and thighs are covered in new bruises. The only time Tyler can remember hurting more is the day after Tim's Hallowe'en party, when Josh had taken him to an empty parking lot. Today is a close second. 

He forces himself out of the comfort of Josh's bed, wincing at every movement as he gets to his feet. With another reluctant stretch, he shuffles off to the kitchen to make Josh some coffee for breakfast after his shower. It's not exactly a grand gesture, a mug of coffee in the morning, but Tyler loves how it feels. Waking up in his boyfriend's apartment to make him a hot drink and send him off to work with a kiss. There's something so very "relationshippy" about it, and it makes him unbelievably happy. He hums to himself as he sets about replacing the filter and heaping in spoonfuls of dark brown powder, imagining what it would be like to wake up in _their_ apartment, every single morning. Perhaps little things like making Josh coffee would become mundane, but right now it's the most wonderful way to start his day. 

He has two mugs poured and is sitting on the counter, sipping his own, when Josh walks into the kitchen. His pink hair looks darker with how wet it is, occasionally sending drops of water falling down his neck, and he's in his standard all-black-everything for work. He looks as fantastic as ever, and Tyler really doesn't want him to go. He shifts forwards onto his legs from his perch on the countertop, trying his best to keep his weight off his ass, as it protests in the form of shooting pain any time he leans back. 

"You're the best, thank you so much," Josh grins as he walks over to take his own mug from the bench, and he takes a long drink. "You make it really difficult to get motivated for work, you know that?"

"So don't go!" Tyler grins. "We'll have way more fun here, we could watch movies and go to Taco Bell and cuddle all day long." He scrunches up his nose as Josh presses a kiss to the tip of it with a smile. 

"Trust me, Ty. If I had a choice, I'd choose you every time, I swear to God. But if I don't go to work, I wouldn't even have a bed for us to cuddle on. And I've got to keep the kids in diamond collars and fund their catnip habits. Being a working father is tough."

Tyler bursts out laughing at this, leaning forward to the edge of the counter and pecking a kiss to Josh's lips. "You're such a good dad," he giggles, wrapping his arms around Josh's neck. "So strong in the face of responsibility, you're a braver boy than I."

"Yeah, well, I heard one of 'em call you mom last night, so you might have to step it up," Josh grins with a final kiss to Tyler's lips, then he pulls back to return to his cup of coffee. 

"I dunno, Brendon told me he isn't ready to be a grandma yet, I'll have to ask his permission before I go signing any adoption papers," he smiles, sipping his own coffee. 

"Have you asked him to come round yet?" Josh quirks an eyebrows with his question. "I don't want you to get lonely."

The sentiment makes Tyler smile until his cheeks ache. "Not yet, I'll send him a text when you go. Hey, are you sure you're okay with him coming round here? I mean, it's _Brendon_ ," he pulls a face as he speaks his friend's name. Knowing Brendon, he'll end up breaking something, or finding something he shouldn't, or maybe covering the toilet bowl with cling wrap.

"Of course! He's your friend, Ty. I trust him," Josh smiles sweetly, and Tyler snorts with laughter. 

"Baaaaaad move, Jishwa."

They make their way through their coffees, peppered with lingering kisses and Tyler's feeble attempts to encourage Josh's absenteeism, but to no avail. Once their mugs are drained, Josh is heading off to pull on his boots and grab his jacket and keys, and Tyler's heart is sinking. This will be the longest he's been separated from his boyfriend for eight days now, and it's filling him with a sense of dread. Josh stomping back into the room in his leather jacket, looking incredible, only makes him feel worse. 

"I've gotta get going, Ty," he grumbles, walking back to Tyler's perch on the counter to peck a kiss to his lips. "I'll be back before you know it, I promise. Be good. Look after the kids, but don't feed them too many treats. I'll know, I swear."

Tyler giggles, pressing his lips back into Josh's for a few beats, then pulls his head back. "I'm gonna miss you heaps. Have a good day, sell loadsa records, tell Mark I said hi."

"Okay," Josh frowns a little as he takes a step back, then he leans forward again for one last kiss. "I love you, Ty."

"I love you too, Jish," Tyler beams as Josh walks backwards to the kitchen door with a smile, blowing him a kiss. Tyler pretends to 'catch' it, earning him a huge grin with a bitten tongue, and then Josh turns to make his way out of the apartment. 

Depression sets in almost as soon as he closes the front door behind him. Tyler slides himself off the counter with a wince, and stalks through the rooms and halls of the space in stony silence. He feels so aggressively alone in the apartment by himself, when he's only ever known it with Josh by his side. All the heat drains from him at the loss, every room seeming cavernous and empty without the trees of Josh's laugh surrounding him. Shivering a little, he drags his feet as he trudges back to the bedroom, the mattress mocking him with its disheveled sheets and expansive size, still retaining just a touch of Josh's body heat. He grabs his 'boyfren' sweater and tugs it on for warmth, then flops himself down on Josh's side of the bed, recoiling a little in pain before he buries his face in his boyfriend's pillow, soaking in the scent of him from all around. He reaches over to the other pillow, digging around underneath it until he grasps his phone and pulls it out to text Brendon. 

Tyler: **Hey mom, change of plans. You're coming round to Josh's today to look after me while he's at work.**

Brendon's reply comes back to him before his phone screen has a chance to fade to black, the words in front of him lifting his spirits a little. 

Brendon: **YES I AM SO THERE where am I going**

Tyler realises then that he still doesn't know Josh's address, and has to send Brendon two paragraphs of directions to ensure he'll wind up outside the right building. 

Brendon: **Okay honeypot sit tight I shall be with you shortly**

Tyler throws the phone across the bed, heaving out a sigh, and resigns himself to moping over his boyfriend's absence until his friend shows up. He lies on the bed for only a handful of minutes before the quiet in the bedroom becomes too much to bear, and then heads to the shelves hidden behind Josh's drum kit that house his record collection. After a few moments of flicking through colourful sleeves, he slides out a Radiohead album and pops it into the record player that sits atop the shelves. A couple of seconds of familiar, crackling, white noise later, and slow, wailing music is filling the room. It makes him feel a little less lonesome, and he traipses back across the room to collapse back onto the mattress with another cry of pain. He must stop forgetting how much it hurts to throw himself around. 

He doesn't even get to the B side of the record before the sound of Josh's shrilling buzzer fills the apartment. Tyler jumps up from the bed, another brief cringe at the pain of his jostling movements making him pause as he gets to his feet, then he rushes to the intercom by the front door to let Brendon in. 

"HELLO, MY CHILD. I COME BEARING GIFTS," calls Brendon's enthusiastic voice from the speaker as Tyler takes his call, and he giggles. 

"Ooooh, whatcha got for me?" he grins to the button he's pressing, then presses a second to hear his friend's reply. 

"Tyler, it's fucking freezing out here. Let me in, whore," Brendon chides, his voice as loud as ever, and with another laugh, Tyler tells him the apartment number and buzzes him into the building. 

In less than thirty seconds, a sharp rap comes from the door, and Tyler opens it immediately, Brendon's hand still held in the air as it swings open. Not giving Tyler a second to react, he wraps his arms around his shoulders and pulls him into a crushingly tight hug, a cardboard box being pressed into his head as he's held. 

"I have MISSED you, oh my God," Brendon yells, thrusting the now slightly crumpled box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts he has with him into Tyler's hands and pushing past him into the apartment. 

"Yeah, come right in, Tyler quips, closing the door and following Brendon down the hall. 

"I will, thanks, so is Josh here?" Brendon asks, looking around the living room they've walked out into, his eyes coming to rest on the blanket fort still erected around the television. 

"Nah, he won't be back until after five," Tyler responds, his stomach twisting a little at his own words. It seems like such an impossibly long time to wait. 

"Good!" Brendon calls, barging past Tyler and heading for the kitchen door. He follows curiously, stepping into the kitchen after him to find Brendon opening cupboards to inspect their contents. 

"Brendon!" he gasps as his friend rifles through the boxes and jars in the cupboard above Josh's sink. 

"What?! We need coffee for our doughnuts and gossip! Besides, Josh invited me into his apartment. Kinda. I'm allowed to show a little interest," he reasons, still searching through the cabinet. Tyler stalks across the room and shoves his friend out of the way, slamming the cupboard door closed, as well as a few drawers Brendon has left open.

"Interest, yes, okay. But this is an invasion of privacy!" he protests, moving to the cupboard that houses the filters and coffee granules, then setting up the machine to brew a fresh pot. 

"I just want out to find out more about your boyfriend, Tyler! It's perfectly normal parent behaviour," Brendon grins at him, before sweeping from the room. Tyler is hot on his heels, and he dashes to catch up as Brendon heads for Josh's bedroom. 

"Brendon, _no_!" Tyler cries out, grabbing his friend's arm as he pushes open the door and steps inside. "You are not poking around in is bedroom." However Brendon's eyes are glowing, not at the prospect of going through Josh's drawers, but at the drum kit in the corner. 

"Oh but it's so pretty," Brendon whines as he moves to approach the instrument, but Tyler's grip on his arm tightens. 

"No, look, you can ask Josh to play them when he gets back, but you're not screwing with his stuff while he's away," Tyler pleads, tugging at Brendon's arm. "He said he trusts you earlier, man."

Brendon lets out a shout of laughter at this, turning to face Tyler again. "You're kidding, seriously?! Oh, what a poor, misguided fool," he beams, and Tyler shakes his head with a weary smile. 

"Right? That's what I said. But c'mon, behave. Tell me your gossip, I'm excited!" he enthuses, trying his best to tear Brendon away from the bedroom. 

"Oh shit, T-bag, you're not ready, I swear to God!" he shouts, jumping a little as he walks back towards the kitchen with Tyler. 

"Okay, so let's go get some coffee and doughnuts and you can spill the God damn juice!" Tyler encourages him, pulling a little on his arm as they make their way back towards the pot of coffee. 

"Oh, by the way," Brendon drawls, leaning a hip against the kitchen counter as Tyler produces mugs, sugar and milk for their drinks, "this isn't the _news_ news, but Ryan and I are boyfriends, or whatever."

Tyler abandons his mug to squeal and round on Brendon. "Oh my God, _FINALLY_!" he shouts with a huge smile. "Have you ever even had an actual boyfriend before? All I remember is 'fuck buddies'," he puts air quotes around the term as he uses it. 

"I mean, there was Frank?" Brendon offers, wracking his mind to remember another name. 

"Beebo, two weeks together when you were fourteen definitely doesn't count," he laughs, returning to pouring their coffees. 

"Yes it totally does! We gave each other hand jobs in his mom's basement," Brendon argues, and Tyler laughs again. 

"Yeah, that's a fuck buddy, my dude!" he grins, pouring their drinks. 

"Whatever, it's only because Ryan was being such a little bitch about it anyway. After about a month of his incessant insistence, I kind of had to relent. Boyfriend is just such a tacky word," he screws up his face and Tyler pouts as he looks down at the sweater he's wearing. "Oh, don't even get me started on that God damn sweater. You're tacky and I hate you," he sneers, making Tyler giggle.

"Okay, Fancy Pants, calm down," he smirks, handing Brendon a mug and grabbing the box of doughnuts, leading him into the living room. He makes straight for the fort and holds back a blanket for Brendon to duck inside, joining him and sitting down, cross-legged, on the floor beside him. As Tyler lowers himself gingerly to the pillow below him and grimaces a little in pain, Brendon cocks an eyebrow. 

"Are you okay?" he asks, setting a hand on Tyler's knee as he shuffles around, seeking comfort. 

"I'm fine, it's just. Y'know. Josh..." he trails off, and Brendon rolls his eyes. 

"Jesus Christ! Do I even want to be sitting in here?" he screws up his face and Tyler laughs. 

"Actually, the fort is alright! Just steer clear of the bed. Maybe the couch, too, just to be safe. Oh, and the shower," he's grinning as he teases Brendon, who's eyes light up at his words. 

"JESUS CHRIST! You utter harlot!" he screams, and Tyler giggles with him, looking down at his hands. Brendon opens up his box of doughnuts and takes one of the twelve he brought with him, taking a huge bite and talking with his mouth full. "Okay, first things first, how did dinner go? How was his family? Did you manage to hide your inner kinky slut for the evening?" 

"Oh, yeah, not that it should ever come up, but you might wanna avoid Josh's bed at his mom's house, too," Tyler smirks to his coffee cup and Brendon screams again. 

"TYLER! You hussy, oh my _God_!" he shouts, and Tyler laughs at his outbursts before launching into a shortened story of the evening as Brendon makes his way through more of his Krispy Kreme stash. 

Tyler tells Brendon about how welcoming everyone had been, about how well he would get along with Josh's little sister given that they seem to share a level of maturity, about how Josh's mom had _demanded_ to meet Tyler, and how it had taken her much longer to ask to meet Debby. Brendon's grin grows wider and wider as he goes on, recounting the story of the cake, of how Josh's father had warmed as the night wore on, about photo albums and promises of Christmas morning home videos. His friend's smile only falters when Tyler tells him about Josh's matching 'boyfren' shirt. 

"You two are disgusting," Brendon scowls as Tyler's tale comes to a close, then he huffs out a sigh. "Shit, Tyler. This is, like, the real deal. The whole nine yards. Lock, stock and barrel. Other clichés. You're in a _serious relationship_!" his face screws up with the words but they make Tyler feel giddy. 

"I know! It's frickin' _great_ ," he giggles, and Brendon's expression twists further. 

"You are so gross. You're meant to come to college and fuck circles around yourself! You come to college and meet your fiancé on the second day you're here . You haven't even kissed anyone else!" he protests, a smile on his face now. 

"Shut up," Tyler smirks, looking down at his coffee again. "I don't wanna kiss anyone else. Like, ever."

Brendon heaves out a deafeningly loud and obscenely realistic gagging noise at Tyler's words, body wrenching as he wretches. "You are fucking nauseating, Jesus Christ," he laughs, and Tyler beams at him. 

"So what's your news?" he chirps, excited to hear whatever wild activities his friend has been up to in his absence. All of his sadness, the clawing emptiness and surrounding cold, has lifted and he's filled with a bubbling joy as he shifts around on the floor beside his best friend. He really hadn't noticed just how much he'd missed his company until he was back in it. 

"OH!" Brendon cries, torn from the moment by his own excitement. "Oh my God! Okay, so Ryan found this band called Fall Out Boy on MySpace," he starts, but Tyler cuts in. 

"I actually know them!" he interrupts. "Their stuff is good! The lead singer can _sing_ , man."

"Right?!" Brendon agrees fanatically. "So anyway, we had like, three songs recorded on this janky ass set up in the music department, and Ryan sends the demos to this guy Pete, the bassist, on LiveJournal. Like, this guy has his own imprint label on God damn _Fueled by Ramen_ , man!" his hands gesture wildly as he talks animatedly. "So on a whim Ryan sends him the songs, and he gets back to him! He wants to see us play, Tyler! Like, we're going back to Columbus this weekend because there's a better set up in Ryan's mom's basement, but he's coming to our practice, Tyler!" he finishes. 

"Holy crap," Tyler breathes, then he jumps up from the floor, throwing his arms in the air. "Holy crap, Brendon!" he shouts, and Brendon gets to his feet too, grabbing Tyler's hands and bouncing up and down with him. 

"I know, right?!" He yells, beaming from ear to ear. 

"That's frickin' _awesome_ , Beebo," Tyler pants once they stop their excited, leaping dance. "That is so, ridiculously awesome."

"I am literally shitting my pants, man," Brendon frowns, and Tyler screws up his face. 

"Gross, dude! Take it to the bathroom," he whines and Brendon gives him a shove. 

"You know what I mean," he groans, throwing himself back down onto the floor and Tyler joins him, much more cautiously. Sitting on the floor is only making the pain in his backside worse, so he shimmies around until he's laying out on his stomach, elbows on the floor and head in his hands, looking up at Brendon. "This is such a big deal, like it's _huge_ ," he continues, but Tyler interrupts him. 

"Woah there, buddy, don't psyche yourself out. What are you, Tyler Joseph?" he teases, and Brendon chuckles. "You are incredible, Brendon. You're a God damn one man band. Just sing like you always do, you got this." 

Brendon drops down to lay on the ground beside him and pulls Tyler in for a fierce hug, muttering a, "Thanks, T-bag," in his ear as he squeezes him around the waist, until they're interrupted by Tyler's phone ringing. Immediately thinking it's Josh calling to check in on him, he breaks free of Brendon's grip and sits up to answer the call. 

He pulls his phone from his pocket and instead of Josh's name, he sees a picture of his mother smiling at him. His heart twinges at the sight, and he realises that he misses her so much it makes his chest ache. Josh had distracted him completely but now that he sees her contact photo flashing up on his screen, it hits him like a tidal wave. 

"Hello?" he answers, waiting less than a second before her voice fills his ear, and all he wants is her warm arms around him.

"Tyler! I haven't heard from you in so long, is everything okay?" she asks him, and he can hear the worried expression she's wearing in her tone. 

"Hi, mom! I'm sorry, I'm fine! I've just been so busy, it slipped my mind completely," he apologises, and he hears Brendon whispering in the background.

" _Yeah, busy being fucked by your boyfriend_ ," he hisses with a giggle, and Tyler kicks him hard in the shin. 

"As long as you're alright, sweetheart. How's college going?" she presses, and Tyler isn't really sure what to tell her about the week he's had, so he keeps it decidedly vague. 

"Everything is great, mom. I'm having such an amazing time," he smiles. Technically that's all true. It is also true that college has absolutely nothing to do with the great time he's having, but that hardly needs to be shared. "How are you? How is everyone?" he asks, recognising the little twinge in his chest that tells him he's missing the rest of his family, too. 

"Oh, we're all doing fine. Everybody's working away, Zach is getting ready for tryouts, of course we know he'll make the team again, but he's really putting the time in. We think he might even win it for the team this year!" she babbles, sounding excited. Tyler doesn't miss the basketball aspect of his home life even a little bit. He takes a moment to praise the skies that he isn't being forced into a Scholarship in college. 

"That's great, mom," he shoots back, trying to match her enthusiasm. "How's school been for you and dad?"

"Oh, it's always the same. We've been at it long enough that nothing surprises us any more! Anyway, I just wanted to call you to tell you you need to make your way back home some time soon! We have an early birthday present for you. You should get Brendon to bring you down, I'm sure his mother would like to see him, too," she tells him, and Tyler turns to his friend. 

"Hey, your practice is in Columbus next weekend, right?" he asks, and Brendon nods with a quizzical eyebrow raised. "Okay, cool, my mom says you have to bring me too."

"Yeah, no worries," he smiles, then shouts, "HI KELLY!"

"HI BRENDON," Tyler's mother shouts back, loud enough for Brendon to hear her through the receiver. Tyler laughs as she continues, "Okay, well I'll let you get back to your friend. I'll see you soon, sweetheart."

"Yeah, mom, I'll see you then. I really can't wait," he tells her. And he really can't. 

They say their I love yous and their goodbyes, and then Tyler ends the call, turning back to Brendon. "Something about an early birthday present? I don't know," he informs his friend, who nods. 

"So, are you gonna tell her about Josh?" Brendon presses, and Tyler squirms a little where he sits. 

"I don't even wanna think about it, man. Can we not? I think she still believes I'm having some kind of relationship with Hayley..."

"Hey, I think Hayley and I are friends now!" Brendon grins, and Tyler returns his smile, the change of topic welcome. 

"Oh?" he turns to Brendon, his interest piqued. "How come?" 

"Yeah, she baked brownies in the communal kitchen the other day, not the space-cake kind, just the regular chocolate kind," he clarifies, making Tyler giggle. "But yeah, she brought me and Ryan over some, she made us fancy tea and everything, and we all chilled for a while. None of the stuff that happened was mentioned, and Ryan was a little pissy about it after she left, but mostly it was good!" 

"I'm really, really glad," Tyler smiles truthfully. "Hayley is so lovely."

The two of them spend the day almost entirely in the blanket fort in Josh's living room. Brendon finds a channel showing back to back reruns of America's Next Top Model, which he insists they watch for five whole episodes before Tyler wrestles the controls from his hands. They make their way through all twelve doughnuts, but Tyler knows he can't have eaten more than three and a half at most himself, flicking through channels and ending up on My Strange Addiction, the show he and Josh are always so amused by. 

Hours pass by much faster with Brendon than they would have alone, and Tyler is quite shocked at how quickly the time for Josh's return rolls around. Around fifteen minutes before his shift should be ending, Brendon groans with a stretch on the blanket strewn floor beside Tyler and sits up. 

"I guess I should probably be heading if Josh will be home soon?" he asks, moving to pull on the shoes he threw aside hours earlier. 

"He said we could all chill out when he gets back, if you want?" Tyler offers. He remembers back to when Brendon had encouraged him to invite Josh back to their dorm, in order to get to know him better. Tyler had been so reluctant to bring Josh back, to take Brendon to the forest, for the three of them to hang out together. Now he longs for the three of them to be spending time together.

"Okay, sure! So long as you guys keep it PG-13, I'm not down for being the extra in a porno," Brendon grins slyly and Tyler laughs. 

"We'll try our very best, but I can't make any promises."

The last twenty minutes before Josh returns from work are the longest of the day. Tyler keeps picking up his phone to glance at the time, audibly groaning on his fifth check to find only two minutes have passed since he last looked. 

"Tyler, he's been away for eight hours, would you fucking calm down," Brendon sighs as Tyler sets his phone back on the floor. "You would think he'd been at fucking sea for years looking at you. Have I ever told you you're disgusting?"

Tyler screws up his face at his friend, but forces himself not to go back to his phone. With no idea of how many seconds are passing, the minutes seem to stretch on forever, but finally Tyler hears a key in the front door and jumps up, not even wincing at the pain as he gets to his feet. He has a huge grin on his face as he rushes from the fort and races to the front door, leaping into Josh's arms as he pushes it open. 

"Woah!" Josh breathes out as Tyler tackles him, squeezing him around the waist. "Hey, baby," he laughs softly after a moment, pressing a kiss to his forehead. 

"I missed you so much, you don't even know," Tyler whines, pulling Josh into the apartment and closing the door behind him. He gives Josh another tight squeeze, then moves up to press their lips together, hands burying themselves in his bright pink hair and a little moan forming in the back of his throat as their mouths open. 

"I missed you too, Ty," Josh beams as their kiss ends, biting his tongue between his teeth as he grins. "Oh, and Mark says hi back. Is Brendon still here?"

"Yeah, he's still in the fort, he actually behaved all day! Mostly," Tyler smirks and Josh laughs. 

"Okay, you go back to the fort, I'll be in soon, I've just got to change," he tells Tyler, pressing another kiss to his forehead. 

"Aw, can't I come too?" Tyler whines with a little smile, and Josh chuckles quietly. 

"We have company, Ty," he smirks.

"Exactly!" Tyler grins darkly, and Josh laughs again, louder this time. 

"You are so bad, oh my God," he wheezes, wrapping his arms around Tyler's waist, a hand coming to rest on each of Tyler's asscheeks and squeeze gently, sending a twinge of pain through him as he lets out a delicate little moan. "Go back to Brendon, I'll be in I'm a minute," he smiles, kissing Tyler's forehead again, then taking his arms from around his waist and sashaying off to his bedroom. 

With an airy sigh, reminding himself of a Disney princess once she meets her prince, Tyler flounces back to the blanket fort and drops to his knees to crawl back inside. "Brendon, I am so frickin' in love," he smiles in a hushed tone, and Brendon pretends to wretch again. 

"Nauseating. Disgusting. Sickening. Vile. Odious. Loathsome. Foul," he grimaces, and Tyler bursts out laughing. 

"Love you too, fren," he grins. "You're gonna have to get used to it, Ryan's gonna tell you he loves you soon for sure." Tyler cackles as he sees the horrified expression on his friend's face. 

"No!" Brendon shouts. "I will not allow it. I didn't come to college to get myself a serious relationship, I am not Tyler Joseph."

"Just you wait," Tyler smirks knowingly. "It's only a matter of time, and then the poor boy will be introducing you to his mom and end up disowned by his entire family."

Brendon lets out a shout of laughter at this. "Moms love me!" he grins and Tyler snorts sceptically. "Okay, so it took _your_ mom a couple of years to warm to me, but Ryan's mom isn't a fiend for Jesus' dick so I think I'm good."

Tyler chokes as he hears Brendon's words and rounds on him, "Did you just call my mom a cock fiend for Jesus?!" he shouts, and he hears Josh's laughter from the living room as he approaches the fort. Wheezy and giggling, high and low in pitch, oaky and warm, surrounding Tyler with trees. That sound could pull him down from any cliff. 

"Niiiiice," he chuckles as he pulls back a blanket and walks into the fort, "I'll have to use that one on my mom next time I see her."

Brendon bursts out laughing at his joke, but Tyler is much to distracted by the sight of him. He's wearing another pair of impossibly tight jeans, these ones black with a shine to them that makes them almost look leather, and his standard, oversized tank top with low cut arm holes, but this one has the face of a tabby kitten stretched huge across the front, black and white apart from two huge, bright blue eyes staring out from the fabric. With his disheveled hair, huge boots and crooked smirk, Tyler could swoon.

"Okay," Josh calls out, addressing the fort, "I hereby declare us the three "mus-cat-teers", and I have an epic quest for us to embark upon. Operation: Smoke Pot in the Play Park a Few Blocks Away." 

Tyler tears himself from his stupor and giggles, hopping up from the floor and adding in a meow for good measure. "Can I try and roll the joint again?" he asks with a shy smile. "I really wanna git good." 

"Of course you can," Josh grins, stepping forward to peck a kiss to Tyler's forehead, then making his way out of the fort and lifting a blanket for the other two to follow. He walks to the coffee table to lift his black rolling plate from the drawer and takes a seat on the couch, Tyler sitting down beside him and noticing that Brendon chooses to sit on the floor despite there being a free seat beside him, most likely because of his prior warnings. He sees Brendon with a beaming smile on his face out of the corner of his eye and turns to face him. 

"I am so proud of you, T-bag," he winks, and then turns to Josh, "Josh, you're doing real nice on the corruption, keep up the good work," he grins. 

"Why thank you!" Josh chuckles, smirking to his co-conspirator. "But why T-Bag?" he asks, looking amused. 

"Oh, because Tyler thinks he is a total gangster, but he's about as hardcore as a cup of tea," Brendon replies, not missing a beat, and Josh bursts out laughing. 

"Haha, sick! Stay street, T-bag," he grins, throwing Tyler double peace signs. 

"Dork," Tyler mumbles under his breath, giggling when Josh shoves him playfully. 

Josh walks him through the steps of rolling a joint once more, this time telling Tyler to leave out the tobacco since there are three of them. He gets everything set up perfectly, then Josh sets about trying to teach him the specific movements required by his fingers, hands and wrists to form it onto a cone. He is impossibly patient with Tyler, smiling and keeping his voice soft and his words encouraging, even after the third time he loses it and drops weed all over the plate he's rolling on. At one point Brendon lets out an exasperated shout and insists that Josh take over, but he doesn't. He lets Tyler try again, telling him he's so close to killing it, and after a few minutes of rustling and folding, he's done it. He licks along the line of gum at the edge of the papers, sticks it together, then tosses it down onto the plate, cheering with his arms in the air as Josh applauds.

"Way to go, baby boy! That was sick," he beams, and Tyler presses a kiss to his lips, ignoring Brendon's wretching noise from the ground. 

The joint is by no means well rolled. The paper bunches in certain places and rather than coming out to a fat, coned end it sort of humps in the middle and stays skinny at both ends, but he did it. He rolled a joint and it's most definitely smokeable. It really isn't something he should be getting this proud about, it's not exactly a talent he can showcase, but Josh had taught him from scratch to do something, and he'd finally managed it. For some reason, it felt wonderful. 

"Okay, you ready to move out, kittens?" Josh asks, and Brendon moves to fetch his shoes from the blanket fort, while Tyler presses another quick kiss to his lips. 

He whispers an, "I love you," getting one in return, then moves to Josh's bedroom to put his socks on his feet and tug on his black vans. He's still in the leggings he wore yesterday and the sweater Josh bought him, but he is comfy and warm and he doesn't really care if people stare. That's the wonderful thing about having Josh by his side, no one else matters. Bright red socks and black shoes on his feet, Tyler returns to the living room to find Josh and Brendon waiting for him. 

"Let's go, T-bag!" Josh calls, holding out a hand towards him. He giggles at Josh's use of the nickname, grabbing his outstretched hand and threading their fingers together as they leave the apartment. 

A short elevator ride back down to the lobby and Josh is leading them outside into the biting cold November evening, street lights already glowing as darkness falls around them. Tyler lets out a little shiver and Josh lets go of his hand to wrap an arm around his waist instead, pulling him in close to his side, his body heat spreading through Tyler's bones and warming him immediately. 

"There's a kids park less than five minutes from here, we'll be total badasses and smoke on the swings like all the rebellious teenagers do," he smirks and Brendon whoops from beside them. 

"A valiant mission indeed! One that could be carried out by none other than the Three Mus-cat-tears!" he hollers, posing dramatically with an arm pointing off into the distance in front of him. Tyler meows again, and Josh pulls him closer with a chuckle.

"I really appreciate the commitment, guys. See, I knew I'd found the right cats for the job," he grins. Josh pulls out his cigarette box to light up a smoke as they walk, and Tyler finds himself loving the smell. He used to loathe cigarette smoke to the point that it would make him angry if someone started smoking in his presence, but now here he is pressed up against a smoking boy, clouds of pungent fog in his face, and loving it. The smell reminds him of Josh now, and he imagines it will always hold comfort for him.

As promised, they walk for less than fire minutes before a small area of green comes into view, the bright colours of the climbing frame, swings and roundabout muted in the dull, orange glow of the streetlights around them. 

Suddenly, Josh shouts out, "RACE YA," at the top of his lungs, and he and Tyler tear off, running full pelt and reaching the only two swings before Brendon even gets a chance to react. They burst out laughing as they take their seats, victorious, and Brendon sits down on the soft, spongy ground of the play park in front of them, not looking like he minds too much that he's missing out on the good seats. 

Josh produces Tyler's badly rolled joint from behind his ear and passes it to him with a lighter. "Roller's rights," he smiles. "You rolled, so you get to light up."

Tyler complies, placing the joint between his lips, flicking the lighter into flames and holding it to the end. He takes a deep draw and hears crackling as he lights a cherry at the tip. Inhaling isn't so bad, but the exhale catches in his throat and he's choking again. Brendon bursts out laughing from the ground in front of him, but Josh doesn't join in, raising a hand to rub Tyler's back as he coughs. 

"Sorry," he smirks when Tyler finally catches his breath and straightens up. "No tobacco, it makes you choke more."

He takes another draw, determined to save face, and manages to hold in more choking coughs as he exhales a second time, but only just. The strength of the joint hits him immediately, that floating, dreamlike sensation taking hold almost immediately, and he takes one more draw, then giggles out a puff of smoke as he passes the joint over to Josh, who smiles warmly at him as he takes it between his fingers. 

Tyler pushes against the ground with his feet, starting to rock back and forth on his seat, then works to gather momentum until he's swinging with all his might, his muscles aching from the push and pull of trying to fly higher and his hands burning from grasping the chain. He takes it so high that the chains start to slack as he reaches the top of his trajectory, and it sends his ass pounding down into the seat every time he swings back and forth, sending an agonising jolt of pain through him. He waits until he reaches the conclusion of a swing forwards, then let's go of the chains and thrusts himself toward the sky, arcing through the air and landing, catlike, on his feet. Josh claps and cheers as Brendon laughs at him. 

"You're such a kid, T-bag," he teases, and Tyler grins huge at him. 

"Yup!" He walks over and sits back down on his swing, slowly rocking it back and forth, again as Josh passes the joint over to Brendon on the ground. 

He chokes on his first exhale, and Tyler cheers, mocking him for his cockiness. Brendon recovers faster than Tyler had, though, managing a smooth exhale on his second draw, but it still feels like a victory. Josh reaches out from the swing beside him to grab his hand, squeezing it with a smile as he starts pushing his swing in time with Tyler's. 

It makes him think back to his childhood days, riding bikes with his brother to the park near his home in Columbus. They'd swing for hours, having competitions to see who could get higher, and Tyler always won because he _was_ the older brother. It makes him think about how quickly everything moves. Even since getting to Athens, so much has changed so fast. It brings to mind a song he's been working on for a while now, inspired by how grown up everything has been getting since he came to college, and how much he misses being a kid. 

" _Hey, hey, wouldn't it be great, great, if we could just lay down, and wake up in Slowtown_ ," he sings out to the playground, letting go of Josh's hand and taking up his hold on the chains again to resume his swinging as he sings, " _Today-day, I wanna go away-way, 'cause things are too fast now, I wanna be in Slowtown_."

Brendon cuts him off, holding the joint out to him with a grin, "Here ya go, T-bag. This'll take you to Slowtown."

He takes it with a smile, but it won't. Not really. Even the moment he's in is fleeting, all of it passing by them as they sit. He'd gladly stay in the park with his friends for hours, making memories to hold on to, but all too soon their smoke is reaching it's end and Brendon is standing up from the ground with a stretch. No matter how much Tyler tries to cling to whatever happiness comes his way, all of it comes to an end. Their joint in the park, his week with Josh, his childhood. It's all just remembering now, it all moves so fast. 

"You good?" Josh asks him as they stand from their swings. He reaches out to take Tyler's hand with a squeeze, his superpower of sensing any time Tyler is uneasy coming into play once more. 

"I'm great," he smiles, leaning in to peck a quick kiss to Josh's lips and whisper, "I love you," against his cheek. 

"I love you too, Ty," he grins, pressing his lips to Tyler's forehead, then leading him from the park by the hand, Brendon taking Tyler's other hand and the three off them skipping along the path together. 

It seems to take even less time on their return journey, they reach Josh's apartment building seemingly just moments after having left the park. As they approach the steps of the building, Brendon lets go of Tyler's hand to wrestle his keys from the pocket of his jeans. 

"I guess we should get going, T-bag," he yawns, key in hand, walking towards his car. 

An internal struggle wages in Tyler's mind. He can't bear the thought of having to say goodbye to Josh, of having to try and sleep without strong arms wrapped around his waist and a warm body pressing into him. He'll have to wake up without bright pink hair and kisses, to get out of bed without a forest of laughter surrounding him or kittens purring at his feet. But at the same time, he doesn't want to overstay his welcome. He can't really invite himself to say for _another_ night, after eight in a row. Josh has work again in the afternoon, and he and Brendon have agreed to go to the bookstore on campus to pick up the new plays they need for English class. 

"Yeah, I guess we should," he mumbles, looking down at the ground to try and hide his disappointment. "I'll be there in a sec," he calls to Brendon, who rolls his eyes as Tyler turns to face Josh. "I had the best week of my life, and that's not an exaggeration," he gushes as he looks into Josh's eyes. "I am so in love with you and I will miss you so much."

"Same, same and same," Josh grins, grabbing Tyler around the shoulders and tugging him roughly in for a bone-crushing hug. "I love you so much, and I'll miss you too. I'll see you really soon, okay?"

"Okay," Tyler agrees as Josh lets go. His heart is heavy and his stomach aches as he moves to walk away. "Goodnight, Jishwa," he smiles as he takes a step towards Brendon's car, and then Josh is running over to him to mash their lips together one last time. 

"I love you, Tyler. G'night," he smiles, pulling away again and letting Tyler approach the car. 

Josh stands in the doorway, waving to them until they pull away and out of sight. As soon as they round a corner and Tyler loses sight of him, a heavy, cold sadness washes over him. Emptiness claws at his insides as his heart sinks further, feeling like a piece of him is missing. A piece of him is moving back into the lobby and waiting for the elevator back up to the fifth floor. 

"You are so far gone, Tyler," Brendon laughs as they drive back to campus, the journey seeming oddly foreign after so much time spent away from his dorm room. "You are well and truly done for," his friend states, and Tyler giggles. 

"I'm _Dun_ for," he smirks, and Brendon groans loudly, shoving him into the door. 

"You are so fucking tacky, I hate you so much," he yells, and Tyler laughs again. 

"Oh, hey, I just realised I left my backpack at Josh's. It has my pills and stuff in it. I guess I'll just have to see him again tomorrow," Tyler smiles, and Brendon rolls his eyes. 

"I bet you did that on purpose, didn't you? We still have to get those books tomorrow. You could go see loverboy in work while we're out, ask him to bring your bag to work with him," he suggests, and Tyler's heavy heart lifts a little. He'll only have to wait half a day, then he'll get to see Josh again. It may be fleeting, but it's something. 

After another couple of minutes, they pull up outside the dorm building and Brendon shuts off the engine, throwing open his door and leaving the car. Tyler takes a moment, deep breaths in and out, to steel himself for the evening ahead. His Joshlessness is already unbearably apparent, and he knows it will only worsen when he's climbing into a cold bed, alone. Opening the passenger side door and stepping out into the cold air, he takes a deep breath and tries to reign in his thoughts. He has a feeling he won't be getting much sleep tonight.


	34. Sleeping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so, so sorry about the growing delays between chapters. I have not forgotten about all you wonderful frens and this story hasn't been off my mind. I'm gonna finish it for all of us, it's just taking a toll. Bear with me ❤️ also I've been drawing and teaching myself ukulele, gotta ration dat creativity, bro.

Tyler can't sleep.

He and Brendon have been back in their room for hours now, and Brendon has long since drifted off. His friend's deep breathing and occasional snores mock his insomnia. Tyler has been rolling around under his sheets for so long his whole body aches and his eyes sting. He's sharply aware of the lack of arms around his waist and warm weight on the mattress behind him. Even with Brendon snuffling in his sleep on the other side of the room, Tyler feels incredibly alone. 

His thoughts are running riot in the silence, thoughts of seeing his mother, of having to pretend that he isn't madly in love, all encompassing love that fills him up and swallows his every thought, when he's with her. He thinks about his return to classes, about having to sit through hours of Dr Hiles' droning, more of Shakespeare's classics, while his best friend gets a shot at impressing someone with the potential to take his music to the masses. As happy as he is for Brendon, he can't help the jealousy that bubbles up in his stomach when he thinks about him playing his music, getting signed, living their shared dream. 

It gets to be too much, lying there staring at the ceiling as his mind races, so he throws the covers off his restless legs and drags himself to his desk. Flicking his lamp on, he grabs the notebook sitting by his laptop and throws it open on the table, removing a pen from the pot on the corner and gingerly taking a seat. He doesn't even have anything formed in his mind, he just needs to get the words that are swirling around in his head down on paper. He writes recklessly, allowing his hand to drag the pen across the page, flowing along the paper and leaving a trail of burning hot confessions. He writes about his jealousy, about how he wants what Brendon has for himself, his pen becoming a weapon poised to hurt his friend. 

Next, he writes about his insomnia, about the demons in his head, his failed attempts to vanquish them. He writes so much he knows he couldn't sing it, too many words come out all at once, and to try and shorten them into a rhyming, flowing verse would take away from their meaning. He doesn't give it a second thought, he just keeps writing. The scratching of his pen against the paper comforts him a little, the familiar noise providing some distraction from the dark parts of his thoughts, but not much. He tries to keep his mind off Josh, thoughts of him only serving to rip his heart apart as the pain of missing him spikes in his chest. 

It can't be healthy, to rely on somebody else this much for his own happiness, to sink into such a cripplingly low mood simply because of that person's absence. Tyler should be able to find his smile without Josh having to be there to coax it out of him, he should be able to find contentedness when he's by himself. He is aware of this. But he can't. He has to remind himself that he and Josh haven't even known each other for three months yet, that they're still in the early stages of their relationship and that to depend on him like this is a terrible idea. The reminder doesn't serve to do much about his pining, though. 

Tyler comes very close to calling Josh, to the point that he has his phone in his hand, thumb hovering over the contact in his phone. He's just so desperate to hear his voice, to make him laugh, knowing that the sounds would comfort him immediately. However, Josh has work tomorrow. In fact, it's after three in the morning, Josh has work _today_ , and he needs his sleep. Not to mention it would be embarrassingly needy to call him up after a few hours of separation, simply because Tyler "needed to hear his voice".

With a sigh, he returns his cell phone to his pocket and picks his pen up from the desk, turning back to the page covered in scrawling, scribbled notes and lyrics in front of him. Sadness writes the best songs anyway. 

**-**

Josh can't sleep.

He's been lying in bed, trying his hardest to pass out, for hours now. As always, the harder he tries, the more awake he feels; and the more he stresses out about how quickly the numbers on his phone screen are climbing, the faster time appears to pass by. His bed seems so huge and so empty without Tyler beside him. A few times, out of habit, he's rolled around to wrap his arms around a body that isn't there and wound up clutching at the air. He has taken to cuddling a pillow into his chest in lieu of the boy he so desperately wants to hold. 

He's already tried all the old tropes his doctor had advised him to, back when he first started struggling with the concept sleep. He's had a mug of warm milk, he's listened to "Songs of the Humpback Whale" on YouTube, he's tried reading a book, he turned off all his screens. Nothing seems to be helping, just as he'd expected. None of it has ever worked. There is only one sure fire thing that can get Josh to sleep every night, and that's Tyler. 

Although, weed is a close second. 

With a heaving sigh, Josh kicks the bed covers off his legs and throws them over the side of the bed, hauling himself up. As much as he isn't sleepy, he's absolutely exhausted. He'd spent eight hours on his feet in work, and was busy for almost all of it. Mark still hasn't hired a new staff member, and Josh may well have been partly to blame for that. His boss had been very close to inviting Debby for an interview before he'd mentioned it casually to Josh, who abruptly put a stop to it. He was likely going to be working just as hard during his shift today. Thankfully, being a Sunday, he doesn't have to start until early afternoon, but the way time has been behaving thus far, the night will soon be gone. 

He makes his way into the living room, throwing himself down onto the couch and opening the coffee table drawer to extract his black rolling plate. Even the act of setting up his skin reminds him of Tyler, the look of concentration on his face as he'd tried time and time again to roll his joint into a cone, the way he'd bitten his tongue out of the side of his mouth and furrowed his eyebrows with attention. This in turn makes him think of smoking in the park, Tyler singing on his swing. Josh's chest aches dully with the memories, yearning to go back to them, to be with Tyler in that moment again, cursing time for moving too fast exactly like he'd said. 

He goes through the motions of rolling, all of it coming so naturally by this point that he can get it done on autopilot while his thoughts wander. His brain is always like this when he can't sleep. Impossible to switch off. He thinks about how God damn much he wants Tyler to be with him all the time. He wants a bed together, he wants a house together, he wants the rest of their lives together. He even shocks himself with his thoughts, how reckless he's being so early into their relationship. There's just something about Tyler. 

Josh is pulled from his thoughts by a ping from his phone on the coffee table, and he sets the half rolled joint down to check the screen. It's him. 

Tyler: **Hey, Jishwa. I really hope this doesn't wake you up but I forgot my bag at yours, could you bring it to work and I'll come get it? x**

With a grin, Josh pulls up Tyler's contact information and presses the call button, then holds the phone to his ear. Tyler's phone doesn't even get to the second ring before he's picking up, whispering his greeting in a hushed tone. 

"Hello?" comes his quiet voice, and Josh's heart soars at the sound. 

"Hey, baby. What are you still doing up?" Josh asks, keeping his voice a whisper to match Tyler's, although he has no need to. 

"I can't sleep," Tyler mutters into the receiver. "What are you still doing up?! You have work! At least I'm off tomorrow," he counters, and Josh groans at the reminder. 

"Yeah, I know," he grumbles, rubbing a hand down his face. "I'll bring your backpack with me, by the way. I can't sleep either. I think it's because you're not here," he admits. He hears Tyler giggle softly on the other end of the line and it makes his heart float again. 

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'd be asleep right now if I had your arms around me," Tyler utters and it makes Josh ache to hold him. As sweet and as wonderful as it is, the sentiment emphasises the empty space beside him on the couch, and on the left hand side of his bed. 

"I think I would quite literally kill for that right now, Ty. I mean, so long as it was someone who'd done something really bad," he jokes, and the sound of Tyler's giggle makes him grin again. "Hey, I'm working all week long. Mark's still kind of struggling to find someone new, so you and I might not be sleeping in the same bed again until the weekend," he adds, hating the words as he speaks them. 

"Oh, shoot! I forgot to tell you, my mom's making me come down this weekend for a birthday present. Brendon's doing this practice with a guy who might wanna sign them in Columbus so he's giving me a ride, but I dunno if my parents will give me a ride back Saturday night," Tyler replies. Josh can hear a little whine of sadness in his softly spoken sentences. 

"Fuck," Josh sighs. The idea of having to wait over a week to fall asleep with his boyfriend again is truly unbearable. A single night is proving to be unpleasant enough. He might not sleep all week. "How about this, baby boy, I can come get you some night when I get out of work and bring you home with me, and then I'll run you back for classes before work the next morning?" he suggests hopefully. In fact, he'd gladly do that every evening and morning if it meant getting to sleep with Tyler at night. 

"Pleeease," Tyler breathes, and the sound stirs something in the pit of Josh's stomach. "That would be so perfect, oh my God."

"Deal. I'm gonna miss you heaps, but you need to go to sleep," he urges, and Tyler sighs. 

"I would if I could! But you _really, actually_ need to go to sleep. You can't work after being awake for thirty-whatever hours. Go get some rest, Jishwa," he hushes, and Josh smiles. 

"Okay, I will I promise. Ninight, Ty, I'll see you tomorrow. I love you," he's whispering again, feeling like they're two kids using walkie talkies after curfew. 

"G'night, Jish. Love you too."

He'll keep his promise, right after he smokes a joint. 

*****

Brendon wakes Tyler up the next day, just as the morning melts into the afternoon. He hadn't slept until after birds had started singing in the trees outside their window, writing until his hand ached and his fingers were dented with a groove made by his pen. 

"C'mon Sleeping Beauty, we're gonna get brunch and books," Brendon grins as he sits at the foot of Tyler's bed. Tyler lets out a groan as he rolls around under his sheets, so used to waking up to pink hair in his face. Then he remembers he'll get to see that pink hair while they're out. 

"Okay, lemme get a shower and stuff," he grumbles, hoisting himself up out of bed and to his feet. 

He hurries through his morning routine, staying in the shower just long enough to get himself roughly clean, rushing to dry off and brush his teeth, running his fingers through his hair in the mirror for only a few seconds before giving up and leaving it to do what it will. He struggles with picking out an outfit, but Brendon's impatient reminder that he doesn't have anybody to impress has him tugging on the sweater Josh bought him and a pair of jeans, pulling on some socks and shoes, and telling Brendon he's ready to go. 

They head for food first. Brendon is complaining that he hasn't eaten yet, that Tyler slept for so late, that his stomach is cramping with emptiness. Tyler rolls his eyes at his friend's dramaticism, but agrees to accompany him to Starbucks, the two of them taking Brendon's car on their quest for brunch. Without Josh's recognisable shock of pink hair, Tyler doubts anyone in store would recognise him from the mug stealing incident, and he could really go for a Caramel Macchiato. 

"Hey, you think we could play music today?" Tyler asks Brendon as they pull up on a curb nearby the café. 

"You mean in the music department?" Brendon asks and Tyler nods. "For sure! I actually need to get as much practicing in as possible before next weekend. I still kind of have a heart attack every time I even think about it. But you can help me, right?" he turns to Tyler with a smile as he opens his car door. 

"Of course I'll help you!" he smiles back. "And I wrote a couple songs last night so maybe you could help me too. Plus I just really wanna shred out some ukulele jams," he grins and Brendon cackles. 

"Shredding is the _worst_ word for what you do, dude. That's more squealing and flailing. I'll show you shredding, my child," he promises with a smirk, pulling himself from the car, and Tyler follows. 

"I could shred if I really wanted to," he insists as he catches up with his friend on the sidewalk, but Brendon just laughs again. "Hey, maybe I prefer looking like I just escaped a mental ward, ever think about that?"

"Oh don't get me wrong, sweet pea, it's not a bad thing! That's just what you do, and it works. But kid, you can't shred," he grins as he holds the café door open for Tyler to enter. "You're just not the shredding type. And that's okay!"

"What, and you are?" Tyler bites back with a scrunched up face, and Brendon stops a few steps into the store to round on him with his arms folded across his chest. 

"Excuse me, I am absolutely the shredding type! You're just a precious little twink bottom, T-bag. I'm sexually ambiguous at best, and I can play guitar. Shredding is a tough lifestyle, and not everyone's cut out for it," he finishes, and Tyler tries to scowl at him but he ends up bursting into laughter. 

"Maybe you could teach me, then," he smiles and Brendon gives him a patronising hair ruffle as he shakes his head. 

"My dear, sweet boy. I'll certainly show you, but you cannot teach such things to those who are incapable of learning. It's like rolling your tongue, you either can or you can't," he grins as they make their way over to the small queue at the Starbucks counter. 

Tyler is about to respond to Brendon's snarky comment before he spots the back of a head a few in front of his in the queue which seems infuriatingly familiar to him. When the girl turns her head to the side so she can look up at the menu, Tyler's stomach drops with the recognition of those pillowy cheeks and pouting lips. 

"Oh for _fuck's sake_ ," he hisses, and Brendon looks startled as he turns to face him. "This is the second time! We must be near where she lives," he seethes, Brendon still looking bewildered. "That's Debby," he breathes, pointing at her head standing a matter of feet in front of them. He sees Brendon's face twist in rage and grabs his arm before he gets a chance to move. "Don't," he hushes as his grip tightens, "please Brendon. Just leave it."

"No, fuck that!" Brendon argues, his voice as loud as ever and a few people in the café looking over at them now. "This bitch needs to say she's fucking sorry."

He wrenches his arm from the clutching grasp around it and pushes through the people standing ahead of them to approach Debby. Tyler wishes a hole would appear in the ground under him and swallow him whole, wishes he could shrink down, microscopic, and flee the scene. Instead, he must stare on as he watches his friend grab the offending girl by the shoulder and yank her around. He feels as though he's watching an act in a show on television, like he's simply an observer and that this isn't real life, his life, playing out right before his eyes. 

"Hey, Debby, right? Brendon," he barks, and her face contorts in a snarl from his rough treatment and snapping words. "Believe me, the displeasure is all mine, but you owe my friend a fucking grovelling apology, girl."

Debby's eyes flick to where Brendon has come from and land on Tyler. His heart pounds as she stares at him, tugging him swiftly back to his body, back to reality, to play his part in the scene about to unfold. His stomach is twisting up and making him feel sick as her gaze meets his, but she looks mortified as she realises who he is. Her face blanches white as a sheet as she briefly glances back at an expectant looking Brendon, who gives her nothing but an ice cold stare in return. 

Begrudgingly, she starts to walk towards Tyler, and he really wants to run away, but he takes a deep breath and holds her eye contact as she comes to face him. A part of him still longs to cause her physical pain, to slap her, to pay her back for all the pain she made him suffer through. He feels the bubbling, black ugliness in his stomach that always seems to rise up when she's around, rage and jealousy and anger, all the unresolved feelings he doesn't really care to resolve with her. 

"Tyler," she starts, her voice quavering a little as she speaks softly enough that he has to strain to hear her. "I am so sorry for what I did. I don't know how much you know-"

"Everything," he cuts in, scowling at her, and she shrinks back a little. 

"God. Okay, I'm a horrible person. I know. I was just really drunk and going through a lot. I'm sorry, to you and to Josh," Tyler's scowl hardens further as she says Josh's name. He hates hearing it from her lips, she shouldn't be allowed to speak the word. His stony silence makes her squirm a little, and Brendon taps his foot impatiently behind her. "I'll leave you guys alone, I'll stay away from him. I really am sorry. I've just been having a really rough time."

She looks like she might be on the verge of tears, and it makes her seem suddenly, exponentially more human. Just a regular, broken person who makes bad decisions and mistakes sometimes. It makes Tyler feel even worse than he had already. He doesn't want to see Debby as human, it's much easier to view her as an evil witch, a soulless villain whose only desire is to cause others pain. That way he doesn't have to deal with the complications of empathising with the person he hates most, or sympathising with her, as he finds himself doing now. Not that he doesn't still hate her guts or anything, just that he feels sorry for her now, too. Pity and hatred make an odd mix. 

"I'm not gonna say it's okay, because it isn't," he deadpans, and she nods silently, tears brimming her bottom lids. "But, apology acknowledged. I'd like it if you left us alone."

With that, and without another word, she gently brushes past Tyler and scurries, coffeeless, out the door. Brendon has a grin on his face as they turn back to face the counter, the few other customers who'd been watching the drama unfold returning to their beverages and baked goods. He grabs Tyler's hand momentarily, giving it a quick squeeze, before letting go again. 

"Way to go, T-bag," he smirks. "You stood the fuck up to her. I haven't seen you show balls like that in a long time. Maybe you're even ready to shred."

Tyler grins at this, chest puffing out with pride as he thinks over what Brendon said. "You might even say I'm _shredy_ ," he giggles, and his friend groans. 

"No, Tyler, I would never say that, because I have some God damn integrity," Brendon grimaces, and Tyler laughs harder. 

Brendon is right. Tyler had been brave, he'd been strong, he'd told Debby exactly how he felt, rather than staring at his feet and accepting her apology in true Tyler Joseph fashion. He's quite pleased with himself, really. His smile grows wider as he realises that, once again, he was wearing the sweater the declares him Josh's to the world when he encountered her. 

*****

"This place is adorable," Tyler gushes as they walk into Follett's Bookstore on campus. Squashy looking armchairs bracket the shelves of books all around them and paintings stretched on canvas line the walls, each of them for sale. The whole place has the feel of a very well read, art loving person's living room, and he feels like he could spend a lot of time here. 

"I told you you'd like it," Brendon smiles as he leads Tyler towards a corner at the back of the store. "C'mon, the secondhand section is over here."

They reach the neglected shelves of used literature and the two set to work rifling through the 'M's, looking for any of the plays on their reading list from Dr. Hiles. After minutes of searching, they have come across one dog-eared copy of All My Sons, but none of the others. 

"Damn, it looks like they got cleaned out already," Brendon sighs, taking a step back from the books he's flicking through. He's been holding out enough hope to make his way to the works of Virginia Woolf, while Tyler has searched in the other direction, reaching Charles Dickens. "We really need to start buying our books sooner, man."

Tyler murmurs in agreement, moving over to hand Brendon the single play they'd managed to find. "You're the one who found this place, it was your idea to come here. You should get the book," he tells his friend, holding the copy of All My Sons out to him, but Brendon shakes his head. 

"You take it. You are but a pauper, while I am a young money, cash money, billionaire," he grins.

Tyler snorts with laughter, but he doesn't protest, turning to head to the cash register at the front of the store with his book. Brendon's parents have a lot more money than Tyler's do, and anything he can save in costs, he must. He digs around in his pocket for his wallet as they approach the till, and Brendon digs around in his own for his car keys. 

"I'll try and find us the rest online when I get back. I'll head round now, you can go get your backpack, and I'll see you soon?" he suggests, swinging his keys around his finger by a keyring as he talks. 

"Sure, sounds good," Tyler smiles, thankful that his friend is offering him privacy, or at least as much privacy as Tyler and Josh can get in a record store. They say their goodbyes and Brendon leaves as Tyler fishes a bill out of his wallet to pay for the play, then he sets off on his journey to see his boyfriend again. There's a skip in his step as he makes his way along the sidewalk to Haffa's Records, the prospect of seeing Josh again, however short their time together may be, filling him with happiness. 

His walk takes him only around five minutes, and then he's pushing open the door with a tinkle of the bell. As he enters the store, he immediately spots Josh crouching on the ground, looking absorbed in the task of organising record sleeves while Mark sips a mug of coffee behind the cash register. Josh looks over his shoulder from his spot on the floor at the noise of the bell above the door, a huge, beaming smile breaking across his face as he sees Tyler looking back at him, and he shuffles the records he's been sorting into a neat stack on the ground before standing up. Tyler crosses the store to greet Mark, realising as he approaches that the man isn't nearly as old as he had first thought, although in fairness, that first day he's come in here, Tyler had been far too distracted by Josh's smile, his laugh, his ass in those jeans, to pay much attention to the store manager. 

"Hey!" Mark smiles as Tyler walks up to the counter, and he smiles in return. 

"Hi, Mark. Umm, can I hug him?" he asks, glancing down at his hands as he poses the question. Mark bursts out laughing at his request. 

"Of course," he chuckles, smiling warmly at Tyler, and that's all the encouraging he needs. 

He turns as Josh approaches, throwing both arms around his waist and squeezing as tight as he can, feeling two strong arms wrap around him in return and grip just as tightly. It releases all the tension in Tyler's muscles instantly, has him huffing out a sigh of relief and melting into Josh's chest like a chocolate bar after a day in somebody's pocket. 

"I have missed you so much," Tyler murmurs into his chest, not wanting Josh's boss to hear just how pathetic he is. Josh chuckles, pressing a quick kiss to Tyler's cheek then moving his lips to his ear. 

"I've missed you too, Ty," he whispers, then pulls back from their hug and returns his voice to its normal volume. "I'll just go grab your bag, gimme a sec," he chirps, jogging to the door at the back of the shop. 

Mark sits with a smirk on his face as he watches Tyler, who suddenly feels intensely uncomfortable under his gaze in Josh's absence. His eyes don't feel scrutinising, in fact he looks rather amused as he smiles at Tyler, and he forces himself to smile back. 

"So I hear you play a mean ukulele jam, huh?" he grins, and Tyler is a little taken aback. It hadn't really crossed his mind that, given the long hours Josh and Mark spend in one another's company, the topic of Tyler may have cropped up in their conversations. What else has Mark heard?

"Oh, uhh..." he stumbles, awkwardly. He never seems to feel comfortable when someone brings up the subject of his music, but he decides playing it off as a joke makes for a smoother first conversation than embarrassedly mumbling to his feet. "Yeah, I go pretty hard. You don't wanna be near me when I'm ripping out a uke solo, I'll melt your face clean off."

Mark laughs heartily at this, and Tyler sees Josh returning from the back of the store from the corner of his eyes, immediately relieved by the sight of his slowly fading, hot pink hair. 

"I've definitely gotta witness this at some point," he grins, and Tyler smiles back. 

"Deal, but I take no responsibility for loss of faces, you have been warned," he giggles as Josh comes to stand beside him, passing him his red backpack. "Thanks," he smiles, turning to face him. "I swear I'd forget my butt if it wasn't attached to me. I woulda been kinda screwed trying to go to class with no bag, not that I have any books to put in it."

"I thought you and Brendon were going book shopping?" Josh asks.

"Yeah, we did, but they're clean out. We only found one," Tyler tells him, holding up the play he's still holding in his hand. 

"Bummer," Josh frowns and Tyler just shrugs. "Well hey, you don't have class on Wednesday, right? How about I come get you after work Wednesday evening and you can bitch to me about how much of a jerk your professor is?"

"That sounds perfect," Tyler grins, and then he realises he's running out of reasons to be distracting Josh from his work and wracks his brain for something to keep him longer. "Oh! I talked to Debby today," he adds as an afterthought, and Josh looks scandalised. 

"What?!" he gasps, incredulous. 

"Yeah, Brendon and I went to get coffee and she was there again. He marched over to her demanding an apology, then she did," Tyler explains, and Josh still looks shocked. 

"What did she say?" he urges, and Tyler continues. 

"She said she was sorry, that she was going through some stuff, that she'd leave us alone, nothing Earth shattering."

"Oh," Josh utters, his expression softening. He looks like he might actually be contemplating forgiving her. "She's been through a lot, Ty. A lot of what she knows about relationships, from her own experiences, really isn't healthy."

"But that doesn't mean she gets to mess up ours," Tyler whines, regretting bringing up the topic at all. He doesn't want Josh to go back to thinking Debby is innocent and blameless. 

"No, no, I'm not saying what she did was okay. Not by a long shot," Josh assures him. "I'm just glad she apologised to you, that's all."

"Okay. So long as you're not, like, planning on the three of us going for coffee any time soon," he jokes, and Josh lets out a shout of laughter. 

"God, no, I can promise you that. I should probably get back to work, but I'll see you in a couple days, okay?" Josh pecks a quick kiss to Tyler's forehead and it makes him feel suddenly weightless, as if he could fly. 

"Okay. I love you, I'll miss you, have a good day," Tyler smiles to him, and after a proclamation of Josh's love in return, he turns from the store and sets off on his way back to campus, looking forward to a day of playing music with Brendon. 

*****

Class on Monday morning hits Tyler like a tonne of bricks. Having to get back into a routine of waking up early and dragging himself off to a stuffy room to listen to an old man drone on about an older man for hours on end is a hard pill to swallow. Brendon makes things a little easier, he's become much more jittery and fidgety since receiving the news that his band is getting a chance to impress a record label, something Tyler hadn't even thought possible, so he provides a great distraction; from missing Josh, from the pain that lingers any time Tyler sits down, and from William God damn Shakespeare. 

The fact that they're speed reading through the plays in a pseudo-foundation course all crammed into the space of a few months means there is no room for error. The minute Tyler zones out and misses a few sentences from his professor's mouth, he's racing to catch up, to try and decipher the code he's talking in. Something about hamartia, what is hamartia again?

"Things that are better than the torture that is King Lear, go!" Brendon hisses from beside him and Tyler smirks. 

"Finding a human stool in your Cap'n Crunch," he starts, and Brendon's already struggling not to laugh. 

"That one time the Nazis found Anne Frank," Brendon shoots back, and a few people in the seats around them glare at him for the joke, but Tyler continues. 

"The entire Holocaust," Tyler retorts, and he hears someone gasp behind him, but Brendon lets out a squeak as he tries to contain his laughter.

"Apartheid," comes his reply, and someone behind mutters an insult aimed at the back of their heads, but they're both trying not to giggle now. 

"We're going to hell," Tyler sniggers, biting his lip and trying his best to retain a straight face. 

"Hell is also better than King Lear," his friend responds, and he's so close to losing it, but then their lecturer clears his throat from the front of the hall, and they both stiffen and aim their eyes down at the books in front of them. 

*****

Class on Tuesday wasn't much better, the entire day spent in the same suffocating lecture hall, the same dull voice droning on about the themes of the tragedy, the symbolism of Lear's nakedness, the same flicking back and forth of pages to seek definitions for the text. Tyler found himself wondering more than once if a basketball scholarship would really have been all that bad. 

But, finally, it's Wednesday. Brendon has music class, but Tyler gets a day off to try and organise his thoughts. He's been spending a lot more time considering his relationship with Josh than he has King Lear and his daughters, and he's lost in the archaic language and drowning depth of the text he's supposed to be studying. He spends his afternoon reading over the Acts they have already covered in class, desperately clawing his way through the play with the guidance of notes on the Internet, but his eyes keep flicking to the clock in the corner of his laptop display. He's counting down the hours, minutes, seconds, until he needs to head to the forest to meet Josh. 

Around twenty minutes before Josh is due to get out of work, Tyler slams his laptop closed and stretches back in his chair with a sigh. If anything, he feels even more confused about King Lear than he had before he started trying to make sense of it all. Shakespeare has always been like this for Tyler. His use of language seems so inaccessible that the words seem alienating, as if he didn't even want people to understand. And what on Earth is the point in writing something if people can't understand it? That's always been one of the most important parts of writing to Tyler, conveying a message that people can immediately understand. He sees his songs as a way to reach people, and is constantly thinking about that potential to move others, worrying about wasting it. 

He picks himself up from his chair with another stretch and shuffles off to the bathroom to check his appearance before he gets ready to go. He wastes a lot of time fighting to tame his hair, only for it to end up looking exactly as fluffy and unruly as it had before he started. Really though, he thinks to himself as he admits defeat in the battle, is there much point in spending the time trying to alter what he sees in the mirror? Josh has seen him looking much, much worse and he's still around. He's in a pair of black skinny jeans and his "boyfren" sweater, (which really needs washing, but he can't bear to be without it while it's laundered,) and he doesn't bother getting changed, simply shoving on some shoes and heading out the door. 

It fascinates Tyler, how quickly he's become one hundred percent comfortable around Josh. A couple of months ago, the idea of meeting him in a sweater looking like he'd just rolled out of bed would have been unthinkable, in fact Tyler would have been getting himself into a tizzy over the prospect of meeting Josh at all. And now he very nearly, almost doesn't care at all what he looks like. All he cares about is having strong arms wrapped around him and lips pressing against his forehead. Never in his life has Tyler let his guard down like this, so completely and so quickly, never has he taken to trusting a person so entirely before. Perhaps that's a part of why he gets as incredibly needy and clingy as he does where Josh is concerned. There's no one else like him in Tyler's life, in the whole world. He's opened Tyler's eyes to what life is like when he lets someone in, and now he doesn't ever want to let him go. 

He's so wrapped up in is thoughts he isn't even paying attention to where he's going, feet wandering freely as his mind races, and next thing he knows he finds himself standing by the clump of trees at the edge of campus grounds, darkness already staining the sky like spilled ink. He can see one or two stars glowing off in the distance, and he longs to stare up at the sky without the pollution of streetlights and car headlamps. He hopes to himself that Josh isn't too tired from work to venture into the forest, just for a little while. 

Before too long, a pair of headlights in the distance are joined by a blinking, orange turn signal and Josh's car is pulling up just yards away. Tyler rushes over to the vehicle, grinning as he sees him emerging from the driver's side door. Josh opens his arms as he closes the door behind him and Tyler runs into them at full speed, knocking them back against the car as he squeezes Josh around his waist and buries his face in his chest. His scent surrounds him on all sides, warmth radiating from him as he presses his lips to Tyler's forehead in a kiss, and he's happier than he has been in days. 

"I missed you so much," he whines, voice muffled in Josh's chest. "You're not ever allowed to leave again, from now on we have to be together all the time, because I said so." Josh chuckles at his demands, pecking a kiss to Tyler's lips as he looks up at him from his chest. 

"Soon, Ty," he smirks as their kiss is broken, and Tyler doesn't know what's happening 'soon', but there's something in Josh's eyes that make him shiver with a kind of nervous excitement. "Hey, you up for a trip to the waterfall?" Josh asks, and Tyler nods with a grin. "Don't tell Mark, but I rolled a joint at the register after we closed up. If he asks I was _totally_ sending emails."

Tyler lets out a guffaw of laughter and grabs Josh's hand, tugging him off into the trees. The darkness instantly engulfs them as they make their way through a path in the trunks. He tightens his grip on Josh's hand and powers forward, the usually safe and comforting woods feeling frightening and foreign in the night. He has a certain fearlessness with Josh by his side, and he walks the path he doesn't know with confidence, dragging his boyfriend along in tow. 

"Yo, this is really spooky," Josh hushes, looking around but seeing nothing. "There could be, like, goblins or axe murderers or rabid bats out there and we wouldn't even know."

"Can you not?" Tyler groans, pulling Josh closer as they walk. "I'm being extra brave, I don't need to be thinking of goblins right now." Josh chuckles and wraps an arm around Tyler's waist to hold him as they walk. It makes their journey more treacherous still, clinging on to one another on the way. They stumble over tree roots or walk into low hanging branches more often, but neither one lets go and they catch each other from falling. Eventually, the trees begin to thin out and Tyler can hear the trickle of running water in the distance growing louder with each step. 

As they walk out into the clearing, both of them immediately look up and let out a little gasp in unison. The sky is so vibrant without the orange haze of street lights around them that it looks almost purple. The night is cloudless and the moon is full enough to cast a bright light on the ground around them, illuminating the area and bouncing off the water of the stream. They can see thousands of stars, hundreds of thousands maybe, and when Tyler stares up with unfocused eyes he can see all the stars beyond them, the ones that his eyesight isn't keen enough to pick out. They go on forever, littered across the sky like diamonds strewn across dark, velvet fabric. Josh points out a few constellations while they gaze above, Tyler still pulled into his torso. It's another of the moments between them he wishes he could make last forever. 

Pressing another kiss to Tyler's forehead, Josh takes his arms back from around his waist to remove the joint sitting behind his ear and dig in his pocket for a lighter. As he sparks it, he breathes a great cloud of smoke upwards that hangs over their heads for a few seconds before dispersing. In the pale moonlight, Tyler can see the grooves of exposed wood carved into the tree a few feet away where Josh cut their names into the bark, immortalised forever, and it makes him grin. 

"I'm gonna tell Zack," he says as Josh passes the joint over to him. 

"Huh?" he asks, and Tyler can see the confused look on his face as he raises an eyebrow. 

"My brother. When I get home this weekend, I'm gonna tell him about us," Tyler clarifies, and Josh raises both eyebrows now. 

"Are you sure?" he asks, and Tyler nods. 

"I wanna tell someone. Maybe not my mom, but I want to have the guts to at least tell someone," he sighs. The thought strikes fear in his heart, but he's determined. 

"You know you don't have to, right?" Tyler nods again and Josh smiles at him. "I'm proud of you. Just do whatever feels right."

"I want them all to know, Josh. Just... baby steps," he says, taking a draw of the cone in his hand. "If he doesn't take it well, at least I know he won't tell my parents. He's not a total jerk."

"Hey," Josh coos, wrapping his arms back around Tyler's waist and pulling him in for a hug. "It's going to be fine. He's your brother, Ty. He loves you. Everything is going to be fine."

Even if Tyler doesn't exactly believe him, the words still have a soothing effect, or perhaps it's the voice they're spoken in. He has heard his brother say some pretty homophobic things in the past, not that Tyler had ever let Zack know how horrible the things he was saying were. Things like calling his friends 'faggot' as an insult, or describing difficult situations as 'so gay'. Tyler had always just told himself it was harmless and left it at that, but what if there had been true malice in his words? Josh pressing another kiss to his forehead pulls him from his thoughts and he huffs out a sigh. 

"Of course it'll be fine, I've got you" he grins holding the joint up to him and Josh chuckles as he takes it. 

"Always," Josh smiles in response, taking a draw. 

They go back to the stars as they make their way down the burning paper, Tyler creating his own constellations in the dots above them. When their smoke finally comes to an end, Josh flicks it off into the trees, the burning cherry flying in a red arc through the air and landing in leaves on the forest floor, then he takes Tyler's hand and leads him back to the car. 

The journey to Josh's apartment is short and quiet, punctuated by huge yawns from Josh as he drives with his hand on Tyler's thigh. In the silence, Tyler's thoughts move back to the visit home that will end his week. He's already nervous for his conversation with his brother, terrified of the outcome, but there's excitement there too. He's so tired of having secrets, of having to watch his words on the phone to his mother and edit himself when they talk. He longs to be open with his family, for them to know him as exactly who he is, and anything that gets him a step closer to that can only be a positive. His brother may hate him, but at least he won't be a liar. Josh yawns again as he pulls up outside the apartment building, shutting off the car and pulling the keys out of the ignition, triggering Tyler to yawn in response. 

"Y'sleepy?" Tyler smirks as he watches him stretch in the driver's seat. 

"I'm frickin' exhausted, I haven't slept well in days," he grimaces, and it makes him feel a little better about his own insomnia brought on by his Joshlessness. 

"We can go to bed now if you like?" Tyler offers with a smile, the idea sounding heavenly, and Josh grins at him. 

"Oh man, can we? That would be so great."

"Of course," Tyler laughs, watching Josh lean over the seats to reach for a cardboard box in the back. "Whatcha got?" he asks, and Josh's smile grows. 

"It's a surprise," he beams, opening his car door and stepping out, the rush of cold air coming into the car waking Tyler up a little. Anticipation for the contents of the box to be revealed has Tyler jumping from the vehicle and slamming his door closed as he rushes to catch up with Josh, who's making his way up the building's front steps. A little smirk plays on his lips as he lets them in the front door and crosses the lobby to press the button for the elevator.

Tyler wiggles his way between Josh's arms as they wait in the elevator to be taken up to his floor, having missed the closeness they'd had the week before to the point of pain over the past few days. He doesn't want to spend a second of the next twelve or so hours without Josh's arms around him. All too soon, their ride is coming to a halt as the doors slowly slide open, and Josh has to pry Tyler's arms from around his waist as they exit and make their way to his apartment door. He chuckles as he pulls himself free, pressing a kiss to Tyler's forehead and fishing his keys from the pocket of his jeans. As soon as they're through the door and Josh has it closed behind them, he presses the cardboard box into Tyler's hands.

"Since you're getting your birthday presents early and all," he grins as he hands Tyler the package, and excitement fills his bones again. 

"You don't have to give it to me yet," Tyler assures him, already ripping the tape off the box. 

"No, I want you to have it," Josh grins as Tyler tears into the packaging. "I just hope you like it."

He rips at the cardboard and tape around it, pulling out what's inside and tossing away the box to finally reveal a ukulele. A real, concert ukulele, bigger than any he's held before and made out of a fancy wood Tyler can't name. It's the kind of instrument one plays in front of a crowd, the kind of instrument aimed at a whole host of people all at once. 

"You just played so darn good on the ukulele you borrowed from the music department. I figured you should have your own while you're here," Josh smiles at him, and Tyler throws his arms around his shoulders and pulls him in for a bone-crushing hug so tight it hurts, ukulele digging into Josh's back in a way that must be uncomfortable as he squeezes him. 

"Thank you so, so, so much, Jishwa. It's fricking beautiful, I love it," he gushes as he lets go of his grip around his boyfriend's torso and holds the instrument to his chest to tune the strings. "Oh my gosh, it sounds so pretty," he grins as he gets the pitch of each string just right and strums out a few chords. "I don't know if I've ever owned anything so lovely before."

"It suits you," Josh beams back at him, biting his tongue between his teeth, and Tyler giggles at the cheesy sentiment. "You should sing me lullabies until I fall asleep."

"Can do!" Tyler chirps as Josh yawns again, and turns to make his way to the bedroom at the end of the hall. Any excuse for Tyler to keep playing the exquisite instrument in his arms is welcome. He keeps up his strumming as he follows Josh down the hall, absentmindedly playing chords to songs nobody wrote and revelling in the delightful melodies. 

He pushes the door closed behind him with his foot as he walks into the bedroom, then kicks his shoes off his feet, all the while still playing the unplanned tune his fingers produce of their own volition. Josh is tugging off his jeans and t-shirt and crawling between the sheets on his bed as he smiles sweetly at Tyler, with that same little twinkle in his eye he always seems to get when he watches him play. Then a song comes to him. 

He starts off a lilting strumming pattern on the G chord, and Josh lays his head down on the pillow, smile growing as Tyler begins to sing. " _Hold me close and hold me fast, this magic spell you cast, this is la vie en rose. When you kiss me heaven sighs, and though I close my eyes, I see la vie en rose._ "

With a contented sigh, Josh's eyes slip closed, and Tyler sings through a smile as he keeps playing him to sleep. " _When you press me to your heart, I'm in a world apart, a world where roses bloom_." Tyler sees his breathing level out in the steady rise and fall of his chest, dreams already taking him, and he quietens his playing as he rounds off the song. " _And when you speak, angels sing from above. Everyday words seem to turn into love songs. Give your heart and soul to me, and life will always be la vie en rose_."

His love for the pink haired boy beside him, drifting over the edge of consciousness into the abyss of sleep, fills him up and threatens to suffocate him. With a smile so big it makes his cheeks ache, Tyler sets his ukulele on the floor over the side of the bed, tugs his jeans off his legs to land on the ground beside it, and shimmies himself under the sheets, being careful not to wake Josh as he lifts one of his arms and presses himself back into him in a spooning cuddle. 

And, at last, Tyler can sleep.


	35. Recording

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I wrote too much and had to postpone that one thing everyone is waiting for because I'm the literal devil, and once again a single day has stretched across an entire chapter, oops. But I'm so pumped to write the next one, so I'ma get right on it. 
> 
> Enjoy, frens ❤️

Tyler is having the most wonderful dream. He knows he's dreaming, he's in that wonderful plain between asleep and awake where he's in the midst of his mind's vivid imaginings but he can control his surroundings. As always, when he's semi-lucid in his dreams, he's flying. He soars through the sky, arms outstretched to either side and legs kicking wildly as he flies through clouds and drops from great heights to skim his fingertips across the uppermost leaves of the canopy of trees below him. He feels an overwhelming sense of happiness, elated as he glides through the air.

That is, until he's torn abruptly from his dream by the shrill, blaring siren of Josh's cell phone alarm and his boyfriend swearing beside him. 

"Shit. _Shit_. We slept in," he frets as he shuts off his alarm and checks the time on his phone. "We slept waaaay in. I'm supposed to be in work, like, now."

"Joshieee, don't go," Tyler whines, rolling over to wrap his arms around Josh's waist and cling to him. "Stay in bed with me, pretty please? We hardly got to spend any time together," he pouts, and Josh looks pained. 

"You have no idea how close I am to calling in sick right now, but it's just Jenna and me today. She needs me to be there, and I kind of need money," he frowns, and Tyler feels a little guilty. The ukulele on the floor by the bed certainly didn't come cheap, and he hates to think that Josh put himself out just to buy him a present. 

"I hate work," Tyler groans as he pulls him closer, burying his face in Josh's chest. 

"Trust me, I feel you," Josh sighs as he wraps his arms around Tyler in return, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "Look, I'll freaking drive to Columbus myself on Saturday evening and come get you if I have to, okay? And then we can have all day Sunday together. Deal?"

"Deal!" Tyler cries, squeezing Josh harder still with a grin on his face. He feels immediately relieved, having a goal to work towards. Only three days to get through and then they'll be together again. 

"Okay, good. Now I've gotta get ready in, like, negative two minutes. I'm sorry," he grumbles, pecking another kiss on Tyler's forehead then extracting himself from their embrace to rush off to the bathroom. 

Tyler heaves out a great, dissatisfied sigh. All the time in the world with Josh would never seem like enough, but this particular case seems unfair in its brevity. He did get the best night's sleep he's had in as long as he can remember, but he got almost no time to simply lie back and appreciate Josh's arms around his waist, or the fading pink of his hair, or his captivating scent. He moves across the bed to roll around in the lingering heat Josh left behind on the right side of the bed, surrounded by the aroma of him, before dragging himself to his feet with reluctance to pull his jeans on. 

Josh hurries back in, still just in his underwear, and Tyler wants desperately to touch him, to pull him back into bed and keep him there all day long. He tries to focus on buttoning up his jeans until Josh is taking his boxers off, and Tyler really has to exert energy to stop himself from running his hands across his back, plotting maps in the freckles on his skin. He forces himself to turn away and let Josh get dressed, making a mental note to trace his fingertips over every inch of him the next time they're in bed together. 

In record time, Josh is fully dressed and tugging on his boots, not even bothering to lace them up as he grabs a jacket from the back of his bedroom door. Tyler still feels half asleep as he searches the room with bleary eyes for his own shoes, finding them abandoned near the door. He shuffles over to shove his feet into them, then crosses back to the bed to grab his ukulele from the floor. 

"You ready?" Josh huffs, a little out of breath from rushing around, and Tyler nods with a pout. 

"I can't believe I didn't get morning time with you," he whines, and Josh smirks, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him in for a sidelong hug as he steers them towards his front door. "Hey, lemme come see you when you're on your lunch hour," Tyler insists.

"Okay, but I can't leave the store," Josh agrees, opening the door and holding it back for Tyler to walk out ahead of him. "Jenna can't do returns or exchanges on the registers yet, so we'll have to eat out back in the shop."

"Perfect, I'll see you then!" Tyler grins as Josh locks the door behind him. "Hey, I'll walk back to uni, you need to get to work."

"Are you sure?" Josh asks, and Tyler nods. "Okay, baby. Thanks. I love you, I'll see you in a few hours," he smiles, leaning over and pressing his lips to Tyler's forehead. 

"I love you too," Tyler smirks, managing to peck a quick kiss to Josh's lips before he turns and takes off at a jog to tear down the stairwell. 

Heaving out a sigh, Tyler crosses the hallway to press the elevator call button and start his slow journey back to campus. A part of him wishes that Josh had refused, had insisted on giving him a ride back, on ensuring he was delivered home safely, but he realises that he's being needy and selfish. Josh is already late for work, and the walk back to his dorm room will take less than ten minutes; besides, Tyler _did_ offer. 

The ding from the elevator doors opening in front of him pull Tyler from his thoughts and he steps inside to stand next to a short and stumpy looking, middle aged woman who's smiling warmly at him with friendly, coffee coloured eyes. 

"Morning, hon," she chirps. "What floor're ya for?"

"Um, hi. Uh, ground, please," he squeaks and her smile broadens. 

"Looks like you're staying with me," she smiles, gesturing to the already illuminated button for the lobby of the building. "I haven't seen ya around, you new here?"

"Oh, no, I was just visiting a friend," he assures her. He's briefly annoyed with himself for not having called Josh his boyfriend. He would have had no issue with telling her he was visiting a girlfriend, if that had been the case. Why can't he be as open about his real relationship as he would with a hypothetical one?

"I see! Who's your friend, petal?" she asks him, still smiling, as the elevator doors close and it shudders into movement. Tyler knows she's being friendly, but her small talk makes him feel uncomfortable. He's not good with strangers when he's on his own. 

"Umm, his name's Josh? Apartment 504," he tells her, and a look of realisation shows on her round face. 

"Aah, the noisy boy!" she cries, and Tyler feels himself flushing a deep shade of puce. 

Oh, God, what has she heard? One of Josh's neighbours had hammered on his bedroom wall last Friday, so they'd certainly pissed off at least one tenant in the building. "Uhh..." he stutters, and she smiles again. 

"From what I've heard, he seems to have some impressive talent!" she enthuses, winking at him.

Wait, _what_?!

"I, uhh- I mean, he's..." Tyler stumbles over his words, at a complete loss for what to say to the woman, who's still smiling sweetly at him. 

"I know one or two neighbours who are a little less than impressed with all the noise," she smirks, and Tyler feels his cheeks heat up even further in a darker blush. "But I think he's quite the drummer!" she chuckles, and Tyler lets out a loud sigh of relief. 

"Oh, yeah, he's amazing!" he gushes, thanking every God he's ever heard of that this middle aged lady wasn't casually chatting about his sexual escapades in the elevator. 

Their ride finally, mercifully, comes to a halt and the doors open onto the lobby in front of them. Tyler makes to leave, but the sugary sweet voice of the woman beside him rings out again. 

"Well, it was wonderful talking to you, petal. I didn't get your name?" she poses, holding out a hand to him. She may well be the friendliest stranger he's ever randomly encountered. 

"Yeah, sorry, I'm Tyler," he smiles shyly, taking her hand in a quick shake. 

"Lovely to meet you, Tyler. I'm Rebecca, but everyone around these parts calls me Aunty Becky," she winks again, and he can't help but grin back at her. 

"It was nice to meet you too, Aunty Becky," he giggles, and she positively beams at his words, her smile radiating warmth and light. He'd quite like to give her a hug, which is incredibly bizarre. Tyler doesn't talk to strangers. 

"Have a great day, hon," she sings as she makes her way over to the postboxes in the wall opposite the elevator, and Tyler calls a goodbye to her as he makes his way towards, and out, the front door. 

His encounter with Aunty Becky has lifted his spirits suddenly and dramatically. It's rare that a simple conversation with a stranger should ever affect his mood so drastically, but then again it's rare for Tyler to have a simple conversation with a stranger. As he walks the familiar footpath trail back to campus, he starts to think about his social shortcomings. He'd thought he'd been doing well since coming to college, making friends, getting himself a boyfriend. But when it comes down to it, the only person he's actually found for himself is Josh. He knows Hayley through Josh, he knows Ryan through Brendon, all the parties he's attended have been through either his best friend or his boyfriend, he isn't exactly flourishing into a social butterfly. 

It makes him think about the person he is versus the person he wants to be. He wants to be playing music, he wants people to hear it, he wants to try and help others who, like himself, might be fighting the same battles or dealing with the same struggles. He wants to be able to have his words really mean something to people, to inspire them, to spark a change, but how can he do any of that if he's too awkward and uncomfortable to even manage a some casual small talk? He makes a mental note to himself, to strike up more conversations with strangers. One never knows when one might just come across an Aunty Becky. 

He makes a conscious effort to smile at every passerby on his way back to the dorm building, even those bustling along, bundled up and bristling against the cold. He gets a smile in return from almost every person, and it cheers him up even further. Perhaps strangers really aren't that bad after all. 

After a few more minutes walking, he's finally at his dorm room door, and digging around in his pockets for his keys. With horror, he realises he hasn't got them with him. He knocks on the door a few times, waiting in silence before resorting to hammering on the wood, hoping that Brendon is simply in a heavy sleep and not out of the room. After another few moments of pounding on the door, he relents. Whether in music class, practicing, or in Ryan's bed, Tyler doesn't know, he only knows that Brendon certainly isn't in the dorm room, and he's panicking now. 

"Hey, yo, Knocky McNoisealot, d'ya mind," comes a croaky voice from his left, and he looks up to see Hayley's face peeking through a gap in her front door. Her eyes are squinting against the dawn light and her fading turquoise hair sits puffy and dishevelled.

"Sorry," he murmurs with an apologetic look. "I'm locked out."

"Oh, well c'mon in," she grumbles, swinging the door open and trudging back into her room. He follows her in, closing the door gently behind him. 

"Sorry if I woke you up," he mutters, and she smiles sleepily at him. 

"It's okay, I was just being lazy. I totally have an essay I need to be writing anyway. Hey, you want some tea?" she offers, and Tyler grins at her. Hayley's answer to everything seems to be tea. If Tyler had turned up at her door with a broken leg, she'd probably be offering him tea. 

"Yeah, that sounds great," he smiles, and she shuffles over to the kitchen area of her dorm to fill the kettle with fresh water. "Nice pjs," he chuckles to her, admiring her light pink pyjama pants covered in little, grey kittens. 

"I know, right? Check meow-t!" she giggles, waggling her hips as she pushes out her butt, and he cackles at her pun. 

"Incredible!" he cries, and she looks pleased with herself. Tyler takes his phone from his pocket to send Brendon a text pleading for help as Hayley struggles to reach the mugs in her cupboard. 

Tyler: **Due to my eternal inadequacy, I find myself locked out of the dorm room without a key. Save me?**

As he finishes typing and hits the send button, he looks up to see Hayley, still on her tiptoes, with her fingertips brushing against a mug on the shelf but unable to grasp it. Tyler laughs as he stands and walks over to help her, not even having to fully stretch to reach the cup. 

"We need to get you a ladder," he giggles and she shoves him with a scowl. 

"Shuddup, don't be a sizeist," she grumbles, and he laughs harder. 

"That's definitely not a thing, Hales," he grins, not even thinking as he uses Josh's nickname for her. 

"Yes it is! It's defined on dictionary dot com and everything, trust me, _I've checked_ ," she growls, only serving to make him burst out laughing again. 

"It's a tough life, being discriminated against, huh?" he chuckles, and she glowers at him. 

"You know, Tyler, you really shouldn't mess with short girls. Our stature just means we're closer to hell. Don't think I won't take you down," she snarls, and the hair on the back of Tyler's neck stands on end. 

He thinks back to the first time he and Josh ever kissed, that night Hayley had dyed his hair. The way she had snapped at them on the front steps of the dorm building, fire in her eyes and her tone as sharp as a butcher's knife. He had truly been scared of her. He doesn't doubt she could take him down if she really wanted to. He wraps his arm around her shoulders and pulls her into his chest for a hug with a wry smile. 

"C'mon, you know I'm kidding. Good things come in small packages, you're travel sized for convenience!" he grins, and she pokes him in the ribs hard enough that he jolts away. "Jeez, Hayley! You've got such a _short fuse_ ," he teases, a shit-eating grin on his face. 

"Tyler Joseph, I will destroy you!" she shrieks, but she's laughing. "You're just lucky I can't resist a cringey pun," she giggles, and he beams. 

"Painful puns are my forte," he smiles. "But you love me really." He flutters his eyelashes at her and she rolls her eyes. 

"I dunno, man. You woke me up and now you're bullying me, you're kind of terrible."

"Dig deep," he winks at her, and she laughs, turning back to the kettle to make them tea. Tyler's phone buzzes in his pocket and he pulls it out to see Brendon has finally replied. 

Brendon: **YOU ARE A GOD DAMN MESS WITHOUT YOUR MAMA were rehearsing just come down to the music room.**

"You get sorted out?" she asks as he slides his phone back into the pocket of his jeans.

"Kinda. In a Brendon way. More, 'You are hopeless come watch me sing,' than any real help. Oh, yeah, did you know they're playing for a record label this weekend?" he adds as an afterthought, and her eyebrows raise high. 

"What?! How did this happen?"

"There's this band, Fall Out Boy," Tyler begins.

"Yeah, I know 'em! Their stuff's great," she smiles, popping a tea bag and a sugar into each of the two mugs on the counter in front of her. 

"Right?! So Ryan sends a couple of demos to their bassist on some website, apparently he has, like, a sub-label or something, and he wants to see 'em play! They're heading back to Columbus this weekend and the guy's heading out to sit in," he tells her, his stomach twisting a little with jealousy, longing for it to be his story rather than his friend's. 

"Woah, that's crazy! So they might get signed this weekend?" she asks, and his guts contort further. 

"Yeah, it's making me wanna get my butt in gear, honestly. Like, I'm kind of terrified? What happens if it all works out and he goes off and does the whole living his dream thing?" he huffs out a sigh, the vocalisation of the thoughts that have been eating away at his brain for days now lessening the curling up of his insides but adding the weight of guilt. He should be rejoicing his friend's newfound opportunity for success, but instead he's making it all about himself. "Like, if he goes away, then it's just me and Hiles and Shakespeare."

"And me," she adds with a little smile, handing him a mug of tea, and he attempts a smile in return. They cross the room to sit on the couch against her dorm room wall, and Tyler's mind races. 

He'd been stuffing these worrisome thoughts to the back of his mind repeatedly every time they'd cropped up. Jealousy and fear and sadness and all the things he shouldn't be feeling when his best friend has the chance to live out his dream. He should be nothing but overjoyed, delighted, excited. He is, in a way, but more so he's just terrified. He heaves out another sigh and Hayley puts a hand on his knee. It's not until the gesture that he realises he has tears brimming his eyes. 

"We'll be okay, Tyler. In fact, it might be nice to have a room with someone for a change. If he goes, I'll come live with you. You'll be okay," she smiles, squeezing his knee, and he grins back at her.

"Thanks, Hayley. Really," he beams, taking a sip of his tea. "Maybe, without Brendon around, I might even learn something," he jokes, and she giggles. "Hey, this tea is really good!" he enthuses, taking another gulp. "It's kinda spicy. What is it?"

"Its chai. It is the best fall tea in the whole world, I swear. It's like a crackling fire and a cosy sweater in a mug," she smiles, and she's exactly right. "And yeah, having Brendon away would get you out of your comfort zone. You'd be forced to meet new people, it could be good for you! And you'll always have Josh." Tyler grins huge at this, and she smiles back. "How are you guys?"

"Ugh, Hayley, I am so in love with him," he gushes, cheeks aching with his broad smile and hands clutching his mug tightly. She scrunches up her face as she smiles back. 

"God, you two are cute," she squeaks, and Tyler's smile only grows wider. "You're so good for him, Tyler. I swear to God, he's happier than he's been since we were kids. He really loves you." 

His chest swells with her words and he feels like he could burst. Josh's professions of love always make him feel like he's floating in the clouds, but hearing it from someone else feels special. The fact that Josh's love is evident enough that other people can assure Tyler of his feelings is such a wonderful thing. He takes another drink of his tea, but he suddenly feels so full of emotion that he doesn't have room for anything else. 

"I think I want to be with him forever," he almost whispers, the words feeling dangerous to speak. He's like a young teen in his first relationship, promising forevers after only a few months. He hears another squeak from Hayley beside him and smiles again. 

"Okay, so promise you won't tell him I told you, he would kill me, like for real," Hayley starts, and Tyler holds out his pinky finger to her which she immediately wraps with her own. 

"I don't break 'em, I'm not Brendon," he smirks, and Hayley laughs before continuing. 

"So, he was on the phone to me on Saturday night because he couldn't sleep," he nods as she speaks, thinking of his own phone call with Josh that same night. "So he starts talking about you, like he always does," Tyler squeals a little at her words, tempted to insist she tell him everything he's ever said. "And he, like, _really_ wants to live with you. A lot," she finishes, and Tyler's breath catches in his throat. 

It's been hinted at more than once, Josh's, "Soon," right before they went to their waterfall in the forest rings in his ears. Was this a serious thing? Is Josh going to ask him to move in? His heart is racing, thundering in his chest hard enough that he can feel his heartbeat in his neck and wrists. It's like a panic attack, but from excitement. He takes a deep breath, still feeling a little suffocated, and Hayley puts her hand back on his knee. 

"Hey, you okay?" she asks, brows furrowed, and he nods. "I shouldn't have told you. Shoot. Sorry," she babbles.

"No! No, that's- It's... amazing. I don't even have words. It's just so much, but it's wonderful, I'm so glad you told me. Oh my God, imagine!" he shouts, and she laughs. 

"You're so cute. You have to pretend you're surprised if he asks you, though, okay?" she bites her lip, still looking a little uneasy that she's spilled the secret. 

"Oh, trust me, I won't have to pretend," he assures her, heart still racing. There's no way Josh could ask Tyler to live with him without turning his bones to jello. 

They talk about the prospect of the two of them living together for a few more minutes, Tyler in that state of panicky excitement the entire time, until the conversation moves on to music. Tyler finds out that Hayley is in a band herself, although she complains that her ex-boyfriend is a band mate and the conversation meanders onto all the ways he's a terrible bastard. 

They make their way through their cups of tea, then Tyler tells her he'd better get to Brendon in the music department while she huffs out a sigh over the prospect of having to write an essay. It reminds Tyler that he'll have to work on his King Lear essay for Dr Hiles over the next few days, as he's leaving for Columbus early Saturday morning, and he'll be spending his Sunday with Josh. He pushes it to the back of his mind for now as he sets his mug in Hayley's sink and pulls her in for a squeezing hug. 

"Thanks for being awesome," he smiles as he cuddles her, and she squeezes back. 

"Hey, s'what I do!" she giggles, and he laughs with her as he pulls back. "Hey, don't be a stranger, okay? I'm just next door, and I just sit in here a lot," she grins, biting her tongue between her teeth just like Josh. 

"For sure, Hales," he beams, "I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Yeah, you better," she threatens. "See ya, Ty!"

He cringes at her use of the nickname, but doesn't mention it, waving to her as she closes the door behind him. It's a word that only sounds right when it comes from Josh's mouth. No one else gets to call him Ty, just like no one else gets to calls Josh 'Jishwa'. Some things are only for him and Josh, their waterfall, their carving in the tree, the bruises on Tyler's hips, and their nicknames. He wants to keep it that way. 

His mind races as he makes his way down the stairs of the building and out the front doors, to make the trek to the music department. The thought of living with Josh has taken over every inch of free space in his mind. He tries to think of a single con, any drawback, just one reason that they shouldn't live together. Other than the fact that outsiders would say they're moving too fast, he can't think of anything whatsoever, and the opinions of others don't really carry much weight where he and Josh are concerned. He finds himself wanting it more than ever before, to be with Josh 24/7, for them to be together all the time, to share a bed every night, to make him coffee in the mornings. He wants it right now. 

It isn't until he's walking up the steps of the music building that he finally tears himself from his thinking. He's obsessed. Every moment spent away from Josh is spent pining for him, thinking of him, talking about him. He's in deep, over his head, out of his depth, lost at sea and surrounded by him. All of it is new and foreign to Tyler, and as much as it's still filling him up with that nervous, excited panic, he doesn't ever want it to stop. Josh brings out emotions Tyler's never felt before, and so strong that the force of them blocks out everything else. It's terrifying and wonderful and he needs it to stay forever. 

He pulls open the door of the rehearsal room to find Brendon and Ryan in the middle of a song Tyler had helped Brendon with for hours on end, he knows every word, every vocal flourish to the lyrics, and he stands back to watch them. They're missing half of the band, but still sound fantastic, Brendon's incredible voice carrying them through. It's awe inspiring and overwhelmingly impressive for just two people and it fills Tyler with fear and dread. Any record label would be insane not to sign them immediately, and that scares Tyler so much. 

"That kicked ass, you guys," Tyler gushes, stepping in from the doorway, as the song winds down to a close.

"Thanks," Brendon grins, a little out of breath. "Obviously we need Spencer and Jon to practice with, but we'll have most of the day on Saturday." He looks a little sick with nerves as he talks, fidgeting and jittering, and Tyler crosses the room to pull him in for a tight hug. He squeezes tighter and much longer than is entirely necessary, but he finds himself not wanting to let go. 

"Hey, I think I'm gonna go to the studio and record some stuff while you guys practice, if that's okay?" Tyler asks, and Brendon nods enthusiastically. 

"That's a great idea, T-Bag!" he grins. "Work away, there's a piano and a mic in the studio, and you can use the Ableton stuff in there."

Tyler just nods. He's never attempted to make music using software before, but he guesses he'll teach himself as he goes along. There's a chance, if Brendon leaves, that Tyler won't be able to use the music department anymore, seeing as he isn't technically a music student. He needs to make all the use of it he can while he has access, and posting a few of his songs online would at least be _something_. 

*****

Tyler works for hours, struggling with the equipment in the studio room and doing takes upon takes upon takes of his lyrics. He's trying to record the song he wrote during his sleepless night on Saturday, but the words come out so fast they're hard to understand and the song is missing something. He finally gets a recording of his lyrics that he's happy with, but there's still something else he needs. He realises, after half an hour of fiddling and tweaking, that it's missing Josh's drumming. That's the something he's been searching for. Then he realises he's gotten so wrapped up in his music that he's lost track of time, Josh gets off for his lunch break in ten minutes. 

Hurriedly, he posts what he has to the music sharing site he's found, deciding on the working title, "Ode to Sleep," because that's exactly what it is, then he logs out of his account, jumps up from the chair and makes for the door, heading back into the room with Brendon. 

"Hey man," he shouts, interrupting their playing, and Brendon scowls. "Sorry! But I'm going to see Josh while he's off for lunch. Are you gonna be here all day?"

"Shit, man. That was a real good run through, too. Yeah, we'll be here all afternoon," he answers. 

"Could I take your dorm key?" he asks. "I'll be coming back in an hour, and I gotta try starting this King Lear essay bullcrap."

"Sure, T-bag, they're in my pocket," Brendon smiles, gesturing to a leather jacket flung on top of the piano in the room. 

"Thanks, Beebo," he chirps, digging the keys from the pocket of his coat and putting them in his own pocket. "I'll see you later, keep up the good work but don't screw your voice up."

"Behave!" Brendon cries after him, starting up his strumming on the guitar again, and Tyler promises nothing as he leaves the rehearsal room. 

*****

He's only five minutes late as he arrives to push open the door of Haffa's Records, bell jingling above him as he enters. He glances around the store and sees a pretty, blonde girl with piercing eyes serving a customer at the register. Then he spots Josh at the back of the store, playing an electric drum kit with headphones plugged in. He grins as Tyler takes a few steps in his direction, and Tyler beams back at him, making to cross the store to him, but Josh doesn't stop drumming. 

"He's such a diligent worker, right?" Tyler hears a voice behind him say and he turns to see the blonde from the till smiling at him. "He's a true asset to the store, we're blessed to have him."

"I can hear you!" Josh shouts as he drums, and she laughs. "I'm technically on break!"

"I'm Jenna," the girl smiles warmly to Tyler, extending a hand that he shakes keenly. "I'm guessing you've gotta be the famous Tyler, right?"

"Oh God, what've you heard?" he cringes, and she giggles. 

"All good things! I promise," she smirks, and it drives Tyler a little crazy, not to know all the things Josh has been telling Mark and Jenna while he's working, all the things he tells Hayley on the phone. 

Josh's drumming comes to its conclusion shortly thereafter, and Jenna sets about reorganising the shelves of records across the store. Josh removes his headphones and stands from his stool, taking a few steps to grab Tyler and pull him in for a tight hug. He's a little sweaty and impossibly warm, and the smell of him acts like a sort of comfort blanket, making Tyler feel immediately at ease. If he could, he'd bottle it and spray it all over his pillow when he can't sleep at night. 

"Hey," Josh breathes into his ear as he squeezes around his waist, pressing their bodies close together, then he briefly nibbles Tyler's earlobe between his teeth. Tyler's breath hitches a little as he bites, and then Josh is pulling away with a wicked smirk. 

"Hey yourself," Tyler utters somewhat breathlessly, and Josh's smirk grows into a lopsided smile that bares his teeth. 

"Hey, Jenna!" Josh calls across the store, and she turns to him with a few albums clutched in her hands. "We'll just be out back if you need anything, okay?" She raises a hand in a 'thumbs up' gesture then turns back to her task, and he grabs Tyler's hand to lead him to the door at the back of the shop, both of them smirking. 

The back door opens up onto a dingy, dimly lit hallway with no real ceiling. Exposed wires and pipes hang above them in a small corridor lined with doors, ending in a few beaten up lockers stacked on top of one another. Tyler turns around and pushes Josh up against the door as soon as it's closed behind them. He mashes their lips together in open mouthed kisses, a whine in the back of his throat as he takes what, by rights, he should have gotten that morning. 

Josh kisses him back with fervour as Tyler traces his hand along Josh's thigh, up to his stomach, down to his crotch to feel he's already hard. Josh lets out a gentle little, "Fuuuck," as he rolls his hips up into Tyler's hand, and he tightens his grip, palming Josh through his jeans. 

"In here," he hisses, grabbing Tyler's wandering hand and pulling him along, leading him to another door in the short hallway. He pushes it open to reveal a tiny bathroom, containing nothing but a toilet, a sink and a mirror. There's barely room to close the door with the two of them in there, but Josh pushes him into a corner to get the door shut, the two of them giggling, then pulls him out again to press him against the wall instead. He's rolling his hips into Tyler's, kissing and nipping at his neck, and Tyler is already whining out much too loud. 

"Baby boy, you've got to be quiet for me, can you do that?" Josh purrs, and Tyler presses his lips together and nods. "Good boy," he praises, pressing a gentle kiss to the skin of Tyler's neck, then biting down roughly. Tyler emits a little squeak, but keeps his lips shut and catches the noise in this throat before it becomes a moan. "That's it, baby," he grins, kissing Tyler's neck again. 

Josh is grinding roughly into him now, bucking his hips into Tyler, throwing him back against the cold tile of the walls, and it's so impossibly difficult not to moan and whine and shout. Josh bites at his neck again, then grabs Tyler's legs by the thighs to hoist him up off his feet. He can't help the little squeal he lets out as he's picked up, but Tyler quickly falls silent again, wrapping his legs around his waist. Josh's hands leave his thighs and he grips harder, legs unsupported, until Josh grabs his wrists and pins him back against the wall with them. 

"Please, Josh, please," he's whispering, grinding his ass down into Josh's thrusts and earning him a quiet groan. What they're doing is incredibly risky. They could so easily get caught, Josh could get in a lot of trouble, and Tyler loves it. 

"God, I wanna fuck you until you're biting back screams, baby," Josh growls into his ear, and he lets out a loud whine as he bounces himself up and down around Josh's waist. "You've gotta be quiet, Ty," he whispers.

"I can't help it," he moans, grinding his hips in circles and taking in a little gasp every time Josh rolls his hips up into him. He lets out a sudden moan that gets cut off as Josh shoves a hand over his mouth and keeps it there, muffling his noises. He immediately loves it, wants him to press harder. He tries to moan out Josh's name, but it comes out as a quiet, nasally, desperate sounding hum, while he bucks his hips down harder. 

"You like that?" Josh smirks, his grip across the lower half of Tyler's face strengthening and making him whine again as Josh's hip movements get harder. "Fuck, you're so hot, Ty," he breathes, and Tyler's head falls back against the wall as Josh's hips pick up a relentless, hard, pounding rhythm. He wants Josh so badly it's almost painful. Another moan gets caught in his throat and Josh's hips suddenly still as they hear a voice calling out into the corridor beyond the bathroom door. 

"Josh? Someone out here wants to return a violin," calls Jenna, and Josh snarls as he lets out a frustrated groan. 

"I'll be right there," he shouts back, and once they hear the door close he takes his hand from Tyler's mouth to drop his head forwards, their foreheads pressed together. "Fuck," he sighs.

"Please!" Tyler whines, and Josh chuckles. 

"We're just gonna have to wait, baby," he sighs, bucking his hips up into Tyler's once more and earning him another moan, then tugging at his legs to drop them back to the floor. Tyler whines as Josh takes a step back, and he leans over to press his lips to Tyler's forehead with a smile. "I know, Ty. I'm sorry. But it's _always_ worth waiting for."

Tyler smiles at this as Josh pulls his long tank top down over his thighs to cover any evidence of their activities, then, with a loud sigh, he pushes Tyler back into the corner to open the door and head back out onto the shop floor. Tyler huffs out a frustrated sigh of his own, his thoughts overtaken entirely with images of Josh fucking him into the bathroom wall, and it's so unfair that none of his imagined scenarios are being acted out. He walks out of the bathroom and opens a few doors until he finds a small staff room with a few couches, tables and a refrigerator. He walks in and throws himself down on one of the couches, exasperated. 

Around five minutes of being haunted by x-rated thoughts of being in the bathroom with his boyfriend, Josh comes into the staff room with an apologetic smile. "Sorry, Ty. She can't do that stuff yet," he explains, and he nods. 

"It's okay, Jishwa, you don't have to apologise for not breaking about ten rules and jeopardising your job," he giggles. 

"Fuck the rules! If Jenna didn't need me, you _know_ what we'd be doing," he growls, and Tyler lets out a whine. "Okay. Subject change, otherwise I'm gonna pounce on you on this God damn couch. What have you been up to today?" he smiles. 

"I forgot my keys, I got locked out. So Hayley made me some tea and then I went to the music department and recorded some music to post online," Tyler tells him, and Josh grins. 

"That sounds like a great morning! I definitely wanna hear your music. How's Hayley?" he asks. 

"She's great! I kind of woke her up and made fun of her for being small, so she may hate me a little, but I wouldn't blame her," he laughs, and Josh joins in. 

"It's necessary! You've gotta call her short, like, five times at least every visit. Constant reminders. She gets so worked up about it, it's frickin' hilarious," he chuckles, and Tyler beams. The mischievous look in his eyes as he thinks about teasing his best friend is absolutely adorable. 

They spend the remainder of Josh's break chattering to one another in the staff room, making their way through a massive bag of Doritos and nothing else for lunch. Tyler talks about his fears surrounding Brendon leaving college, and Josh comforts him like only he can. After some reassurance that he'd have Hayley and Josh around him pretty much all day every day, he feels a little more confident about his ability to handle uni life without his best friend. Josh complains about being overworked and underpaid, and how sick of his job he's getting, Tyler talks about how sick of college he's getting, and the two get lost in a discussion of what their dream show to play would be. Their fantasy overlaps in almost every single way as they add more and more outrageous stunts and acts to their line up, until Jenna is calling out that Josh's break ended ten minutes ago, and that she's starving. 

"Aw, shit," he grumbles, standing up with a stretch. It doesn't feel like any more than twenty minutes has passed, and it doesn't seem even a little bit fair that this is all the time Tyler gets with Josh until he gets back from Columbus on Saturday. "Sorry, baby. I've gotta go."

Tyler pouts as he holds out his hands, Josh taking them and pulling him to his feet. "This sucks," he complains, wrapping his arms around Josh's torso and receiving a kiss on the forehead. 

"I know, Ty. It totally does. But we'll have a whole day together on Sunday, just remember that," he smiles, pecking a quick kiss to his lips, and then it hits Tyler that this is the last time he'll see Josh before he goes, he'll have none of his moral support on the day he plans on coming out to his brother, and it terrifies him. Josh must feel him stiffen and hold his breath, because he's squeezing harder and whispering, "Hey, baby, everything is gonna be alright. I love you. You're so brave. And you're gonna be okay."

Tyler takes a deep breath and forces a smile at his words. "I love you too. I'll miss you. Text me! I'll see you soon," he replies, pressing another kiss to his boyfriend's lips. 

"I'll text you incessantly, I swear, and I'll miss you too," he chuckles, unwrapping his arms from Tyler's waist, then taking his hand. "C'mon."

Jenna rushes out the back door as soon as they step out onto the sales floor, something about literal starvation and feeling faint, and Tyler briefly thinks to himself that she and Brendon would get along well. After another quick kiss and some more long, drawn out goodbyes, Tyler is waving from the door of the record store and leaving with a tinkle of the bell. It's bringing his mood down horrifically, knowing he'll be alone for the rest of the week, and he drags his feet as he walks along the pavement, completely forgetting to smile at strangers passing by. 

He feels a buzzing from his phone as he walks, but ignores it, until he feels it a second time, then a third. Thinking it must be some sort of emergency, Tyler pulls his phone from his pocket to see three new messages from Josh. 

Josh: **I miss you already x**

Josh: **Also I love you x**

Josh: **I told you they'd be incessant x**

He grins as he taps out and sends a quick, "I love you too," and continues on his path back to college, feeling a little better. Once again, his boyfriend calms him down like only he can. Even if Zach doesn't react well, Tyler thinks to himself, even if his own brother hates him for who he is, at least he'll _always_ have Josh.


	36. Accepting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, best frens. 
> 
> Holy shit, so I've officially rambled on enough to be the author of the longest Joshler story in the history of this website, and there still isn't a conclusion coming any time soon. 
> 
> Congratulations, you guys. **We did it**!  
>  Next stop, Madison Square Garden!

Tyler wakes up on Friday missing Josh terribly. They'd been together in his dreams, and it has him waking up expecting to roll over and find a shock of bright pink hair waiting for him. Instead he rolls over to the realisation that he has to go to class, to listen to more ramblings about King Lear, to finish the essay looming over his head. He heaves out a great sigh, burying his face in his pillow, willing the morning away. At least class lets out after lunch today. 

"Morning, T-bag," Brendon chirps from his computer table, and Tyler groans in response. "C'mon, we still have time to get breakfast before class starts!"

"How can you be like this in the mornings? Seriously," Tyler grumbles, digging his way deeper under the sheets, until Brendon is crossing the room and yanking the covers down his legs. 

"I haven't even slept. C'mon, dude, I _need_ coffee before Hiles," he whines as Tyler scowls at him, trying to grab his blankets back, but Brendon holds them out of reach. 

"Why didn't you sleep?" Tyler asks, rubbing at his eyes to try and lift the blur of sleep from his vision. 

"I can't, man! Practice is tomorrow! How could I sleep?! Now, c'mon, coffee!" he claps his hands, and Tyler tries to bury his face in the pillow again but Brendon grabs him by the ankles and tugs him to the edge of the bed.

"Fine! Alright, okay, I'm up," he snaps, yawning with a stretch and standing up from the mattress. "You're such a bad friend."

"Love you too, T-bag!" Brendon calls as Tyler makes his way to the bathroom. 

He has a quick shower, still not yet feeling ready to wake up and face the day. It seems to be getting more difficult to find motivation with every class Tyler must sit through. What's the point, really? It's not as if he's going to do anything with a degree once he graduates. He's at college to make his parents happy, not for the job prospects. They're throwing money at him to keep him studying a course he doesn't want to be in, and if Brendon leaves, how will he even find the motivation to get out of bed?

Fear and doubt and the terrifying unknown hover over Tyler as he washes his hair, thoughts of his future, of what he wants to do with his life, and of what on Earth he's doing at college in the first place, plague him. It's a little too late to do anything about it now, he's in too deep to be turning back at this point. He heaves out another sigh as he shuts off the water and exits the shower to pull a towel off the rack. It's somewhat troubling, to say the least, being stuck in a situation you don't want to be in with no way out. 

He pushes the thoughts to the back of his mind to fester as he dries himself off and leaves the bathroom to pull some clothes from his drawers. His thoughts must read on his face, because Brendon is wearing a concerned expression as he looks at Tyler from across the room. 

"Is everything okay?" he asks, a crease between his brows, and what can Tyler say?

No, everything is not okay, because you are getting a chance to live the dream and you're going to leave me behind? No, everything is not okay, because I am incredibly jealous of the opportunity you're being handed and I don't want you to go? No, everything is not okay, because my parents are spending thousands of dollars to send me to college and I want nothing more than to run away from this place and never look back?

"Yeah, everything is fine," Tyler lies, because he can't tell his friend any of it. Brendon has enough on his plate to be dealing with and worrying about, without having to cope with a pathetic, jealous, needy best friend on top of it all. 

"Okay, if you're sure," Brendon replies, not looking at all convinced. He hands Tyler his little brown bottle of his pills, and he takes them with a mumbled thanks, crossing to the sink to take a couple with a mug of water. "You doing anything this afternoon?" he asks, and Tyler shakes his head. 

"Nah, I'm just gonna try and get this King Lear essay finished and sent off to Hiles before he weekend, I won't have any other time to do it," he grimaces. He has almost nothing of his essay written and, despite hours of attempting to make sense of the text, he gets just as lost wading through Shakespeare's writing as he always does. 

"You should come round to the music room again after class, I'm meeting Ryan down there and we're gonna practice more, but you should come with us. You can help us out with how we sound, and you could record another song!" he encourages, and the idea is so very much more attractive than ending up lost in the marshes of King Lear all over again. 

"Way to be a good influence, Beebo," he scoffs as he pulls on some underwear and a pair of jeans, and Brendon beams at him.

"C'mon, I'm in the business of corrupting you. Josh and I are doing so well! Why would I stop now?" he laughs, and Tyler pokes his tongue out at him. 

"Okay, okay, I'll come with you, but you've gotta help me with my essay tonight, we need to get 'em done," he implores, and Brendon laughs again. 

"Are you kidding? You think I know more about that mess than you? I mean, I will certainly help you bullshit your way through it like only I know how, but I can't promise it'll be anything more than bullshit," Brendon grins.

"Deal! A hundred percent, I don't give a crap what it says, I just need to hand something in," Tyler sighs, tugging a baggy tank top on over his head. 

"Sweet! We can do that. Now _come on_ , I need some God damn coffee," he whines, grabbing Tyler's hand and pulling him towards the door. 

"Lemme get some shoes on, for frick's sake!" he objects, yanking his hand free and stepping back to his bed to shove on the vans discarded underneath it. 

As soon as the shoes are on his feet and he's grabbed his backpack, hanging from the end of his bed, Brendon takes his hand again and tugs him from the room, locking the door behind them. They take the stairs down to the ground floor, Brendon jogging the descent in front as Tyler trudges along after him. His mind is back on the prospect of going home tomorrow. He's having second thoughts about telling his brother. It's not that he doesn't _want_ Zack to know about Josh, he does, desperately. He wants his whole family to know. It's just that he's spent so many years now, first denying his own sexuality even to himself, then doing everything he could to hide it from his family. It goes against every gut instinct he has to tell any family member that he's gay, it breaks every rule he has spent his teenage years following. 

He just wants to get it over and done with, to tell Zack and be finished with it before he can talk himself out of it. It would be so much easier just to keep pretending, to maintain the lie he's had going for years. He's so painfully scared of what might happen when he comes clean, and his brother is the smallest of the hurdles. As far as Tyler's family members go, Zack is the safest bet. 

"C'mon, T-bag!" Brendon calls from a flight of steps down, and Tyler picks up his pace to catch up, forcing his worries to the cesspool of toxic thoughts stockpiled in the back of his mind, another topic to dwell on and lose sleep over in the quiet of the night. At least this particular issue will find its resolution tomorrow, one way or the other. 

As Tyler levels with Brendon on the next set of stairs, his friend grabs his hand again and doesn't leave go as he continues down to the next floor. Tyler is glad for the contact, it provides him with a physical distraction from his mental turmoil. Anything to focus on other than his ceaseless, dark thoughts is welcome. 

Brendon keeps a firm grip on Tyler's hand, their fingers intertwined, right up until they reach the campus cafeteria. It's a simple gesture, no great display of emotion or show of feelings, but it means the world to him. It's comforting and secure, a constant reminder that he isn't alone, not yet anyway. Brendon still has that ability to sense when something is off with Tyler, even when he tries to assure him otherwise, and Brendon still has the decency and sense not to push him for answers, but just to comfort him. This early in the morning, the canteen is graciously empty of students, no queues for the coffee and almost all the tables free. 

"I'll go get a table," Tyler tells him, letting go of Brendon's hand, as they approach the counter. 

"Okay, sure, whatcha want?" Brendon asks, searching his pockets for his wallet. 

"Lemme get a chai tea. It's incredible, you should try it some time. I like to think, if I was a tea, I'd be chai. I'm a spicy boy," he smirks, and Brendon cackles. 

"You wish, T-bag. I'd say you're more a weak, milky Lady Grey," he grins, and Tyler scoffs. 

"Whatever, man," he brushes him off, making his way over to a table against the wall by the door. 

Once he's alone again, Tyler's mind begins racing once more. He can't think of anything but his intended conversation with Zack tomorrow. It's making him really dread his trip home, which he hates. He hasn't seen his family in almost three months, now, and he misses his parents aggressively, something he realises any time he thinks of his mother's vicelike grip any time she hugs him, or the way his father laughs heartily and gleefully at his own jokes as he tells them. He misses staying up late, back when he and Zack had shared a bedroom, talking long into the night about anything and everything, he misses dancing around their bedroom to pop songs, lip syncing every word to an art form. A wistful twinge of pain shoots through his chest as the voice in his head tells him that he might never have that again with his brother, once he finds out the truth. His brother might hate him, loathe him, be so disgusted that he outs Tyler to the rest of his family. His heart is racing as his mind spirals, and he jumps as a tray is plopped down on the table in front of him, tea sloshing over the sides of his mug as it's dropped on the table. 

"I got you a chai latte. I dunno what that is, but it's all they had," Brendon shrugs, picking up his coffee, strong and black. 

"How can you drink that stuff?" Tyler grimaces, sticking his nose up at the dark concoction in Brendon's cup. 

"Dude. I need it. I haven't slept and we're about to face Hiles," Brendon reminds him, and Tyler sighs. He'd actually forgotten, his mind too preoccupied with thoughts of his family to think about anything else. 

"To think, we might actually love English class if we had a different professor," Tyler huffs, taking a sip of his latte. "Holy crap, this is amazing!" he grins, taking another drink. 

"I'm glad," Brendon smiles, taking a sip of his coffee and screwing up his face a little at its strength. "I don't think we'd ever like English class, man. It's just not where we're meant to be," he shrugs, nursing his drink. 

"I've been thinking the exact same thing," Tyler admits. "Like, what am I even doing here? An English diploma isn't gonna get me anywhere I want to be going. Shakespeare isn't helping me write songs, man."

"Exactly," Brendon agrees. "It's bullshit, I cannot wait to get out of here. If everything goes well."

Tyler's eyes drop to his mug as traitorous tears suddenly sting his eyes. It's his fears confirmed. Brendon wants to leave. He can't wait to leave. To leave Tyler alone and go off to become rich and famous, have fans and an audience for his music. It cuts deep, and the fact that he says it so remorselessly, without even a second to think about Tyler, hurts all the worse. 

"Hey!" Brendon calls, and Tyler's tear filled eyes flick up to meet his. "I'm bringing you with me, obviously! I just need to wait until we actually get somewhere. As soon as I'm in a position to make it happen, you'll be up on stage with me."

Tyler tries to smile at him, but Brendon's words seem hollow. He feels like a little kid being reassured that Santa Claus is real, that he's working away with his elves at the North Pole. It's like Brendon is telling him what he wants to hear to prevent his sadness. 

"I mean it," Brendon insists, and Tyler hums in response. "Tyler, you're my best friend. I want this for both of us. I want you with me, okay? If we're playing shows, we're gonna need support. Get your butt in that studio when we get out of English class and record more songs. You're gonna be up there with me."

And suddenly the words have weight, and Tyler's heart is pounding at the mere thought. "Okay, I promise," he utters in a tiny voice, and Brendon smiles. 

"Drink up, kiddo, we gotta get to class," Brendon encourages, taking a gulp of his coffee, and Tyler heaves out a sigh at the thought of the next few hours in a stuffy lecture hall listens to a droning voice ramble on about Shakespeare for what feels like the thousandth time. 

*****

"Over eight hundred people have listened to the song I posted yesterday," Tyler tells Brendon with a grin as they make their way out of the music department and back to the dorm building after a few hours of practice. 

Brendon and Ryan had both had a sleepless night the previous evening, so Ryan is headed back to his own room in another dorm building to sleep for the rest of the day, while Tyler and Brendon plan on finishing their essays. 

"Woah, wait, that's amazing!" Brendon enthuses, rounding on him. "Dude, none of our shit hit that many listens that fast. That's seriously awesome!"

Tyler's grin widens, feeling incredibly proud of himself given that the song is a demo he put together entirely solo. It really is missing Josh's drumming, though. Today he'd recorded and posted a lyrically remastered version of his song, Migraine, but once again it sounds incomplete, it needs Josh's drum track to feel finished. 

"You've gotta keep doing it. Keep posting songs there, you'll get a following if you stick at it," Brendon tells him, smiling, and it's exciting Tyler enough that he shivers a little. 

He doesn't even know eight hundred people. That's more than double his Facebook friends. It's twenty times the amount of people in their English class, and that blows his mind. He imagines performing to his English class times twenty, being in a lecture hall packed with people standing side by side and filling the room. It fills him with the same panicked excitement he felt when Hayley told him Josh wants to live with him. 

"I will. I promise," Tyler beams at him. "Who knows, maybe one day you can play support for me."

Brendon cackles at this, wrapping his arm around Tyler's shoulders and pulling him in for a sidelong hug as they approach the front door of the dorm building. "Dream big, T-bag. We've all gotta have one or two unattainable dreams to keep us grounded," he laughs and Tyler shoves him. 

"You'll see," he glowers, and Brendon smirks.

"That's the spirit! By the way, are you stealing from the music department?" Brendon asks, gesturing to the case Tyler is carrying containing the ukulele Josh had bought him. He hadn't even realised until he got back into the studio that he'd left it in the room the day before. He's lucky someone else hadn't taken it, he really would forget his backside if it weren't attached to him. 

"It's an early birthday present from Josh," Tyler grins as they enter the elevator to head up to their room. Brendon holds his hands out and Tyler passes him the case, watching him take out the instrument and inspect it with awe.

"Holy shit, this is beautiful," he whispers, awe-stricken, and Tyler grins. 

"Right?! Just wait 'til you hear it," he smiles, taking the case back from his friend and letting him hold it up and strum a few chords. He plays a soft melody, the ukulele sounding absolutely stunning as the sound reverberates off the metal walls around them. 

"Holy _shit_ ," Brendon repeats as he plays, his eyes widening. "I need one of these right now!"

"No, you're not allowed! It's mine," Tyler snaps, snatching the ukulele back from Brendon, who scoffs at him as they exit the elevator. It's something else that is his and Josh's, and he doesn't want Brendon to detract from that. 

"I swear, you're like a two year old," Brendon chuckles, pulling out his keys and unlocking their dorm room door as Tyler carefully puts his instrument back in its case. As he opens the door the two of them file into the room and immediately throw themselves down at their desks behind their laptops. "What are the main themes of King Lear again?" Brendon asks, opening his computer. 

Tyler huffs out a sigh. It's going to be a long day. 

*****

Once again, Tyler can't sleep. It's after three in the morning already. He needs to be getting ready to leave in five hours, and he's never felt more awake. All he can think about is coming out to Zack. Do I really need to? He thinks to himself. Does Zack really need to know? Is it really that important? He's lived this long hiding that part of himself from his family, does that have to change? Then he thinks about Josh and, yes, of course it has to change. He's living a lie, and he can't go the rest of his life keeping such a huge part of himself a secret from the people he's supposed to be closest to. Especially Zack. 

He tries to script what he's going to say, imagining Zack's possible reactions so that he can prepare a response to each of them, but then he starts thinking about what he'll say if he doesn't take the news well. What is there to say? Sorry? But he shouldn't be apologising for who he is as a person. I don't care? But he does care, he cares an impossibly huge amount. He starts to feel nauseated by the idea that, come tomorrow, his brother might hate him forever. None of this is helping him sleep. 

What might help him sleep is getting all the toxicity swirling around in his head down on paper, putting the mess of thoughts down somewhere, anywhere, other than in his brain. He's careful to keep silent as he slithers from his sheets and moves across the room to sit at his desk. He doesn't want to disrupt Brendon, given that he was awake for so long. 

They'd forced out their essays together over a period of a few hours, both of them only just hitting the word count and not writing a sentence more. They have almost the exact same ideas written down in different wording and they are almost certain to fail, but at least Tyler has sent his professor _something_. There's one less stress on his mind. 

Brendon had collapsed on his bed and passed out pretty much immediately after sending Dr Hiles an email with his essay attached, and Tyler had busied himself with attempting to read ahead in their next Shakespearian play, The Tempest, to try and get at least a vague understanding of the plot before they began to study it next week. It hadn't really worked. At least, finally, this was the last piece of Shakespeare's work they were covering in class. It feels as though Tyler has been studying his plays for years now, but, at long last, by the end of the week ahead they would be moving on. 

He stares at the blank page in front of him, the task of trying to put his doubts and fears into words a daunting one, but he takes a pen in his hand and starts to write. He doesn't have a plan, no idea of the song he wants to create, and so he simply lets himself pour out across the paper. He writes of wanting to run from his problems, of the fake way he portrays himself to his family. It makes him feel a little better to have a distraction, to take a little of the weight out of his thoughts as he unloads them, but only a little. 

*****

"Tyler, c'mon, get up! We're leaving in half an hour!" Brendon's shrill, chirping voice tears Tyler from his sleep, and he groans as he rolls over to face his friend. He's only been unconscious for three hours, tops, and he can feel a headache coming on from lack of rest. Brendon bounces up and down where he sits at the end of the bed, jostling Tyler with his movements. 

"I hate you in the mornings," he grumbles, and Brendon just laughs. He makes to curl up under the sheets again until Brendon is ripping them off the bed, just as he had the morning before. 

"There is no time for your shit, Joseph! Ryan will be here in, like, twenty minutes. We aren't gonna be late for your lazy ass, we need to practice," he barks, and Tyler remembers that today is the day Brendon's dreams might be realised, dread filling him. His stomach churns as a second wave of realisation washes over him, he's coming out to his brother today. 

With a loud grumble and a great deal of willpower, Tyler pushes himself up to sit and then flings his legs over the side of the bed, getting to his feet. Today is a day to be strong and stop thinking. The more he overanalyses things, the worse he's going to feel, and he will not let his brain talk him out of what he plans to do. With a stretch and a vigorous rub of the heels of his hands to his eyes, he makes his way to the bathroom for a quick shower. 

Tyler steps in before the water heats up, and the cold blast wakes him from his sleepy stupor. He sings to himself as he showers, adding a melody to the song he wrote the night before. Anything to keep his mind preoccupied, anything to silence the thoughts he keeps pushing back down any time they raise their ugly heads. The pounding water hammering down on his skin anchors him in the moment, something to focus on and keep him out of his head. He makes quick work of getting clean, then steps out to grab a fluffy towel and dry off. Wrapping it around his waist, he returns to the main room, where Brendon is pacing the floor like a tiger, trapped in a cage and going slowly insane. 

Tyler can't imagine what must be going through his friend's mind in that moment. The day ahead must seem like such an incredibly momentous ordeal, the pressure to perform and to present themselves as the best version of the band they can be in a single sitting has to feel almost suffocating in its importance. As much as Tyler wishes it were him being presented with the opportunity, he doesn't for a second envy the stress Brendon is undoubtedly going through. 

"Hey, get out of your head," Tyler tells him, crossing the room to his dresser. "You are going to kick butt and it is going to be so great, stop worrying."

Brendon gives him a small smile, stopping in his step and turning to face him. "Thanks, T-bag. It's good, though. Like, I'm _terrified_ , but at the same time I'm so excited. I just feel fucking alive, you know?"

No, Tyler doesn't know, because he's never had to impress someone with his music like that, he's never been under such scrutiny over his performance. He just nods, grabbing some jeans and a neon blue and purple striped t-shirt covered in images of Mickey Mouse's face. It's a shirt that has always brought him happiness, it makes him feel like a little kid when he wears it, and he needs that today. He turns away from Brendon briefly to pull on his underwear, then drops his towel and works on tugging on his skinny jeans. 

"Just don't psyche yourself out, Beebo. It won't help you. You're good, you know you're good, just sing your butt off and you'll fly," he says in earnest, buttoning up his jeans and pulling his shirt on over his head. "It's going to be fine, you'll do great."

Brendon picks up his pacing again, making Tyler feel nervous with the energy he's giving off. As his skin crawls and his stomach twists with the thick atmosphere in the room, the thoughts of his impending talk with his brother, and all the ways it could go terribly, start to surface in his mind again, and he busies himself with pulling on socks and lacing up his shoes. Every movement is methodical and carefully executed, tying knots in his laces like a ritual as he tries his best to absorb himself in anything but his troubling contemplations. 

"You're going to be fine too, you know," comes Brendon's voice, and Tyler looks up to see that his friend has ceased his relentless pacing and is staring over at him. "If I'm gone after this, it won't be for long. I'm not leaving you behind, T-bag."

"I'm coming out to Zack today," Tyler blurts out suddenly. "I'm gonna tell him about Josh."

He hadn't planned on telling Brendon about it until after the fact, not wanting to detract from the importance of the day for him and his band. He didn't want to seem like he was trying to make it all about himself, but it seems inherently wrong not to share his plans with his best friend. He and Brendon share absolutely everything, and such an important thing seems like a glaring omission. Plus, the more people he tells of his intention, the more pressure there is for him to actually do it and not back out at the last minute. 

"Oh shit, really?!" Brendon gapes, his shock sending a spike of anxiety coursing through Tyler's veins. He feels enough already that this is a terrible idea, without needing his friend's agreement. 

"Should I not?" he asks, frowning, and Brendon shakes his head vigorously. 

"No, of course you should! I'm just surprised, but that's amazing, Tyler! Is that why you're acting like this?" Brendon inquires, and Tyler nods, always a little amazed at how intuitive his friend is when it comes to the subtle nuances in his behaviour. "Tyler. It's going to be fine. It's Zack! You guys are tight, it's going to be great! In fact, he's the best one to choose first. It'll be so great," he grins, and a little of the tension in Tyler's muscles releases. 

"Yeah, I hope so," he sighs, moving to find the hoody he stole from Josh what feels like so long ago now. His smell is long gone from the garment, however it still provides him with such comfort and a warmth that has nothing to do with insulating properties. It's like a metaphorical hug in an article of clothing, the soft lining and thick fabric acting like a shield against the outside world. 

Just then, there's a knock at the door, and a jittery Brendon rushes to open it and let Ryan in. They hug tightly and kiss briefly, and Tyler turns to give them a little privacy on the morning of such a significant day. He empties his backpack upside down over his bed, leaving notebooks and Shakespeare plays lying on his mattress as he stuffs a few essentials into his bag for the day. His phone, his wallet, his keys, his notebook filled with lyrics and a pen make it in, and then he hears excited chatter from across the room and looks over to see Ryan and Brendon talking animatedly.

"Hey, Ryan," Tyler smiles warmly at him, and Ryan gives him a little wave. "How are you feeling?" he asks, and he sees Ryan grimace a little. 

"I kind of feel like I could throw up? And I don't know if I've ever been more scared. It's amazing," he grins, and Tyler laughs. 

"You guys are gonna do so great man, for real!" Tyler assures him, and Ryan's smile grows wider. 

"Thanks, Tyler. God, I really hope so," he mutters, his smile faltering momentarily, and Tyler really feels for him. 

For a moment, all of his jealousy and envy and sadness shifts, he stops thinking about himself entirely, and his heart goes out to his friends. This is such a big deal, this day could make their entire futures, or break their dreams. So much rides on the events of the next few hours, and Tyler wishes them nothing but luck. He forgets about how badly he wishes it were him in their shoes and thinks only positively for them. Their talent is unquestionable, of course it's going to go well. 

"Okay, we ready?" Brendon calls, and Tyler gulps, grabbing his bag from the bed. 

"Yeah," Tyler says a little shakily. "Let's go."

*****

The drive to Columbus doesn't take nearly as long as Tyler was hoping it would. Brendon and Ryan talk excitedly about the set they plan on playing, about all the elements of their songs and a run through of what they're going to practice until Pete arrives. Tyler doesn't even try to join in on their exhilarated discussion, busying himself with staring out the window instead. It makes for a good distraction for a little while, first all the buildings and people on the streets grabbing his attention, then his eyes flicking back and forth watching the thick trunks of trees passing by as they drive though more rural areas, but then they're on a huge expanse of road and fields and there's nothing to look at. 

Tyler's thoughts circle back to what he's been ignoring all day, and he dwells on hypotheticals involving his brother for the rest of their trip. Much, much too soon, they're pulling into the street where Tyler grew up, and his heart is hammering in his chest as they crawl down the road and pull to a stop outside his parents' house. He isn't ready for this. Never has he felt so panicky and anxious to enter his own home. 

He just sits there in silence for what feels like hours but is, realistically, probably no more than a minute, before Brendon is turning around in his seat and leaning over to talk to Tyler in hushed tones intended for his ears only. 

"Tyler, you are going to be fine. Everything is going to be okay. You can call me if you need me, my phone will be in my pocket, but you are going to be _fine_ ," he tries to assure him, reaching a hand through the car to squeeze gently at his shoulder. 

"But what if I'm not?" Tyler whispers, trying his best to keep the tears out of his eyes, and Brendon sighs. 

"Do yourself a favour, T-bag. Take your own advice and 'get out of your head'," he urges, applying a firmer pressure with his hand on Tyler's shoulder. "Everything will be okay. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for, now get in there and let your mom fuss over you."

"Okay, thanks Brendon," he murmurs, then raises his voice to cry out, "Break a leg, you guys! I'll see you later."

Brendon and Ryan call their goodbyes as Tyler leaves the car, and he turns on the sidewalk to wave them off until they turn a corner and the vehicle is out of sight. And then he's alone. He takes a deep breath, trying in vain to calm his rapidly beating heart, then spins to face the house. Chances are, his mother is looking out for him and already knows he's here. No going back now, and besides, he has no way of returning to Athens. With another deep breath, this time holding it, he makes his way up the path and to the front door. He raises a hand, about to knock, before remembering this is his home, and he lets himself in. 

"Hello?" he shouts out into the house once he's through the door, and he hears a shrill scream in his mother's voice coming from the kitchen. A huge grin takes over his face at the sound and he rushes to the kitchen, meeting her just as she comes through the door. 

She throws her arms around him before he has a second to react, and squeezes him so tightly that all the air leaves his lungs. "Oh, Tyler! I have missed you so much, sweetheart," she raves, her grip loosening a little, allowing him to draw a breath. 

"I've missed you too, mom," he tells her truthfully, squeezing her back just as tightly. She lets out a little squeak, and he giggles. 

"How are you?! How is college? How's Brendon? I feel like we never speak, I have no idea what's going on with you!" she complains, pulling away from their hug to put her hands on her hips, and he feels a twinge of guilt. She has no idea just how little she knows...

"I'm great, mom," he tells her, because it's easier that way. "College is great," again, it's just more convenient to bend the truth. "Brendon's even greater. He and his band are doing a practice today with a guy who might want to sign them," he tells her wistfully, unable to keep the longing out of his voice. 

"Oh, isn't that wonderful?" she smiles, and he nods. "And how are your studies coming along?"

He cringes a little at the question, thinking of the essay he sent to his professor the previous evening, and of how little effort he put into it. "Yeah, classes are okay," he pauses, not sure how much to share with her. "I just can't wait until we're finished with Shakespeare."

"Well, sometimes we must do things we don't want to do in order to get to where we want to be," she tells him, a knowing look on her face as if she's offering him a piece of invaluable wisdom. "Just keep thinking of that degree!"

Tyler simply nods again. How could he possibly tell her that college isn't going to get him where he wants to be? That thinking of the degree waiting, at the end of the impossibly long tunnel that is college, only serves to make him feel worse? No, Tyler must present his mother with an edited version of himself, more for her sake than his own. He wants with all his heart to make his parents proud, and it doesn't feel like being his full self would achieve that. 

"Hey, where's dad?" Tyler asks, both curious of the answer and eager for a subject change. 

"Oh, he's out with Zack, there's a football game on at school this morning. They shouldn't be too long, but you'll just have to wait for your father to get home before you get your present," she smiles. 

"That's cool, what about Maddy and Jay?" he asks, the thought of seeing his siblings again making him grin. 

"They aren't even out of their beds yet! They get a lie in today, and a day off since you're here, but they'll have to make up for it in extra baskets tomorrow," she winks, and Tyler laughs. His mother's incessant nagging to shoot hoops being one of the only things he hasn't missed about living at home. 

"How has everyone been? I've really missed you guys," Tyler admits, and his mother smiles sweetly at him. 

"Oh, you know, same old same old. Everyone is working away at school and practices, we're looking forward to getting a little time off for Thanksgiving! Will you be coming home?" she asks, and Tyler starts at the question. He'd forgotten all about the holiday coming up, and the thought of having to come back home three times in a period of a couple of weeks is far too much. 

"I'll have a whole bunch of work to get done before Christmas vacation, mom. Sorry, but I'll be down for my birthday," he offers, and she gives him a disappointed looking smile. 

"I suppose that'll have to do," she sighs. "You've never missed Thanksgiving before!"

"You'll survive," he jokes. "Hey, this way you don't have to make a separate dinner for me!" She laughs at this. Every family dinner they had since Tyler was fifteen, his mother had needed to prepare a vegetarian meal for him while everyone else ate meat. 

"You know I don't mind," she smiles, ruffling his hair. "It won't be the same without you."

He feels a little guilty for bailing on a holiday meal with his family, especially with the lie that he'll be too busy with college work. The truth is, Tyler is hoping that he might get to spend the day with Josh, the single thing he is most thankful for in the entire world. As much as he adores his family, he's had a taste of freedom now, and the idea of having to make the three hour round trip home three times in such a short space of time is a very unappealing one. 

"It'll be literal days after Thanksgiving when you see me again, mom! You can tell me how thankful you are that I was born then," he says with a smug grin, and she laughs. "Hey, do you mind if I go up to my room for a bit? I've really missed my piano."

"Of course not, sweetheart!" she clucks with a smile. "I need to get back to preparing lunch anyway. Maybe, if you play loud enough, you might even wake up your brother and sister."

Tyler doesn't even ask why lunch needs to be prepared at ten o'clock in the morning, too excited by the prospect of finally getting to touch the neglected keys of his instrument again after so long spent apart. That piano has been one of his best friends for almost three years now, and while he will play others without complaint, none of them compare to his own. 

"Okay, I'll play extra hard, I promise," he chuckles, heading for the stairs as his mother turns back to renter the kitchen. 

*****

Tyler gets lost in playing piano in his almost empty bedroom, the music taking him over and moving him without conscious effort. He plays a plethora of songs, ones he's written since being in college, ones he wrote while still in high school, ones he hasn't made any note of that form in his mind and leave through his fingertips. His thoughts are completely calm, an ocean undisturbed by ripples and waves, tranquil and relaxed. He has no worries or stress, all of the tension leaving him as he presses the familiar keys until he's loose and swaying as he plays. 

He has no real concept of time passing, too wrapped up in his instrument to register how long he's been at it or the aching in his fingers and arms, until he sees the door opening out of the corner of his eye, and his little brother and sister walk into the room. Pulled from his trance, Tyler takes his hands from the keys, cracking the knuckles in his fingers to try and ease the pain, and turns on his stool to face them. 

"Hey, guys!" he beams, holding out his arms in an open invitation for a hug, and both Maddy and Jay rush over to squeeze him together in a three way huddle. "How are you? How's school been?"

"I'm best in my whole school at basketball," Jay gloats, grinning as though he holds the title of best player in the NBA. 

"That's sick, Jayster," Tyler encourages. He remembers being his little brother's age and thinking that basketball was the single best and most important thing in the whole world. That's just how Joseph kids are raised. 

"I'm doing really good in tryouts too," Maddy chimes in, " _and_ I've got a new boyfriend."

Tyler very nearly tells his teenage sister, 'Me too!', but catches himself just in time. "M- Maddy, that's awesome! What's he like?"

"He's only the cutest boy in my entire class, oh my gosh! He plays centre and he's really good. Dad even said he was one of the best players on the team," she brags, a huge smile on her face. 

"Wait, dad knows you have a boyfriend?!" he gapes, incredulous. He would never have dreamed his father would approve of his fourteen year old daughter being in a relationship. 

"Of course not, stupid! Wait, you won't tell, will you?" she asks, suddenly worried. 

"Nah, I won't tell, but what about him?" he smiles, pointing at Jay. 

"He found out already. I gave him two weeks of my allowance not to tell," she grumbles, and Jay grins. 

"She was texting him and I was sitting beside her on the couch and it was a boy called Darren and he had _two_ hearts after his name," he babbles, and Tyler bites back a laugh as Maddy scowls. "Oh, _and_ she was playing your piano while you were gone," he adds.

"Jay!" Maddy cries, shoving her little brother as he bursts out laughing. "You are such a tattle tale! It was only once I swear," she pleads with Tyler, but Jay chimes in again. 

"It was not! You do it all the time!" he shouts, and she shoves him again. 

"Hey! It's okay! That's awesome Maddie, you can play it any time you like so long as you don't break anything," he tells her, and she grins, then turns to face Jay and stick her tongue out at him. 

Just then, their mother's voice calls upstairs from the hallway. "Tyler! Your father's home, come on downstairs."

He jumps up from his chair, suddenly panicking at the prospect of his brother being home. He isn't ready, he hasn't prepared, he has no idea what to say. Heart pounding and mind racing, he walks across his bare bedroom and out onto the upstairs landing, his siblings following him. 

"Tyler!" his father calls out when he sees him, arms outstretched at the bottom of the stairs. With a huge grin, Tyler runs down the stairs and into his embrace. "How are you, son?"

"I'm great, dad. How are you?" Tyler replies, giving his father a tight squeeze before letting go. 

"Oh, I'm grand. It's good to see you, son" he says, giving Tyler a strong slap on the back as he moves to hug his brother, feeling a little uneasy and not meeting Zack's eyes. 

"Hey, man," Zack grins at him. "How's life?"

What a question. One that has a million answers, none of which he thinks any of his family members would particularly care to know, and so Tyler reverts back to his stance that it's easier to bend the truth. 

"Yeah, it's great, how's school?" Tyler asks, the small talk a little uncomfortable on his end. 

"Lame, but what else is new," Zack laughs, and their mother tuts from over their shoulder. 

"Now, now, we all know how important school is. Anyway, now that your father is here, you can get your present!" she bubbles, taking Tyler's hand. 

She leads him through the house to the front door, his curiosity piquing as she takes him outside, the rest of the family following after them, all with telltale smirks on their faces that tell him they know exactly what's coming. 

"Now, it isn't top of the range," his father's voice comes from behind him, "but it'll do the job."

Tyler looks over his shoulder at him, confused, until his mother lets go of his hand and walks forward to pull open the garage door. Inside sits a car, a bright red Oldsmobile which, while well past its prime, is glorious in all of its 70s aesthetic. There's a huge, white bow tied on top of the roof of the car, ribbon threaded through the windows. It reminds him of the presents kids get on the TV show My Super Sweet Sixteen. 

"Wait, what?! Are you serious?!" he exclaims, rounding on his parents who both wear matching, beaming grins. 

"Well, we thought it was about time you had your own car, son. You're not a teenager anymore, it's only right that you celebrate your adulthood with a little more independence," his father explains, and Tyler rushes forward to grab both of his parents into a tight, squeezing hug. 

"Oh my God, thank you. Thank you so, so, so much," he gushes, and his mother gasps. 

"Tyler Joseph, don't you ever take the Lord's name in vain!" she scolds, and he grimaces. He let his guard down for just a second and ended up disappointing his mother. This is the very reason why he must edit himself so heavily. 

You don't make your parents proud by being yourself, he thinks. Not when you're the gay son of religious parents, and you want to drop out of the college course they are paying thousands of dollars to let you attend to play music with your boyfriend instead. That isn't going to earn him any gold medals in the Son of the Year competition. 

"Sorry, mom," he mumbles, then adds a cry of, "sorry, God!" as he tilts his head back to look up into the clouds, and his mother tuts again. "Seriously, though. This is insane, thank you guys so much. You really didn't have to. This is awesome," he grins, eyes lighting up as his father passes him the key to his new automobile. He rolls his eyes a little, making sure his mother doesn't see, as he notices that there's already a keyring on the key, in the shape of a cross. 

"You're welcome, Tyler. You deserve it," his mother smiles at him, but Tyler isn't so sure. "We are so proud of you, son. You're doing so well, we just want you to know how much we love you."

They are proud of the image of himself Tyler presents to them. The fastidious student who works diligently, the God-fearing Christian, who kisses girls, who wants to earn himself a degree and find a desk job somewhere. A version of Tyler so very far removed from the truth that he feels he's portraying a stranger to his family. And his decision to tell Zack the truth is further cemented. At least one of his family members will know a little more of the true Tyler before he leaves today. 

"Thanks, mom," he smiles back, the tears in his eyes a mixture of overwhelmed gratitude with guilt and sadness. He wishes he could be the version of himself his parents want to see, he wishes he could be happy being the straight, religious, basketball loving son they long for him to be. He hates that, just by being himself, he's letting them down so much. His own words ring through his mind, 'Get out of your head,' and he decides to push the thoughts back down from whence they came. Some day he'll get around to dealing with all the emotions and thoughts he's forcibly suppressing, but for now he's just going to spend the day with his family. 

"Alright, who's hungry? Lunch will be ready soon!" his mother calls, starting back for the front door, and the rest of the family follow in tow. 

Tyler hangs back momentarily to send Josh a quick text. 

Tyler: **Hey, Jishwa. You don't have to come get me tonight, I'll be driving back later this evening. x**

He keeps his message purposefully casual, excited to see how Josh reacts to the news. It doesn't take long for a reply to come through. 

Josh: **Awesome just let me know when you're heading back. I hope everything is going great. I love you so much x**

Tyler is admittedly a little disappointed by the lack of reaction from his boyfriend, and he goes to pocket his phone again before it vibrates with a second message. 

Josh: **Wait you're driving?! Like actually you? x**

With a grin, Tyler responds simply by sending Josh a picture of the car, unaccompanied by even a single word. Another reply comes back, this time in seconds.

Josh: **Holy shit! Sick car Ty. That's awesome x**

Tyler beams at the message, his chest puffing a little as he looks at the vehicle. It has the air of a car that will end up costing more in repairs than was actually paid for the vehicle itself, there are a few spots of rust here and there, and one door is a slightly mismatched red from some past accident, but none of that matters. Tyler has his own car for the first time in his life, he can drive himself literally _anywhere_ he wants to go. And Josh is right, it looks sick. Tyler taps out a quick text to him with his thumbs as he walks the path back up to the house. 

Tyler: **Right?! I was not expecting it, but it's pretty frickin' sweet. I still haven't told Zack, keep your fingers crossed for me. I love you heaps, see you tonight. x**

Just as he pulls open the screen door on the front step, Tyler's phone buzzes again, and he glances at the text before sliding his phone back in his pocket with a smile and heading into the house.

Josh: **Everything is going to be fine. Stay strong. Love you, Ty x**

And Tyler believes it. 

*****

After a huge lunch, a plethora of vegetables and side dishes covering almost every inch of the table surface, and then a decadent dessert, the family had moved to the living room. They had been watching TV, Tyler's parents sharing a coffee with him and Zack while the kids got mugs of hot cocoa, until his father had suggested a board game, and so they found themselves sitting cross legged on the floor, circling a table upon which they were playing The Game of Life. Their play through had been fun at first, but it's beginning to drag on, seemingly never drawing to a close. Everyone has been doing pretty fine except Tyler, who finds himself unemployed, in debt and divorced. It all seems rather fitting. The afternoon has worn on into evening outside and the time for Tyler to start making his way back to campus is fast approaching, but he still hasn't had a moment to talk to Zack on his own. 

"I'm gonna get a soda, anyone want anything?" his brother pipes up right after he takes his turn in the game, and the others around the table politely decline as Zack grabs the empty coffee mugs from the table and stands to make his way to the kitchen. 

This is it. This is the only opportunity Tyler is going to get. His mouth is suddenly drier than the Sahara desert, his hands shaking a little, his heart pounding so fast it feels as though he might be having a heart attack. He needs to do it right now or he won't do it at all. 

"S'cuse me," Tyler pardons himself, standing to his own feet and tracking his brother's footsteps. 

Deep breaths, in and out, in and out, just like his doctor always used to say. He pushes open the kitchen door to see Zack at the kitchen sink, washing out their coffee cups, and with a final deep breath, he approaches. 

"Hey," Zack smiles, glancing at him briefly before going back to the dishes. A sudden, primal urge to start running away and never stop surges through Tyler like a great wave, and it takes a huge amount of willpower to keep himself rooted to the spot. He leans a hip against the cold, white porcelain of the sink and takes another deep breath, Zack looking at him curiously now. 

"Okay," Tyler starts, a little lost in his thoughts. He really wishes he'd given this a little more thorough thought and prepared something to say. "I need to tell you something." He huffs out a sigh as Zack shuts off the water and abandons the mugs. 

"What's up? Is everything alright?" his brother asks, looking concerned, and Tyler sighs again. His family ask a lot of questions that are impossible to answer succinctly. 

"Kinda," he states eloquently, shaking his head at himself once he's answered. "Just. Don't tell anyone, okay? And don't hate me..."

"Tyler, what is it?!" Zack looks genuinely worried now, and Tyler just needs to get it over and done with. He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes, and blurts out words without thinking. 

"I'm gay. I am so gay. Like, I'm a raging homosexual, and I have a boyfriend, and I love him," Tyler babbles out all at once, his muscles stiffening and his eyes dropping to the floor as he turns to lean his backside against the sink, not wanting to meet Zack's gaze.

"Oh. Cool," comes the reply, and Zack turns the water back on to continue washing their cups. 

"What, really?!" Tyler stares at him incredulously, in utter disbelief. If not anger and yelling, he had, at very least, expected abject shock and utter surprise. "So you don't hate me?"

Zack shuts the water off again, turning to face his brother and crossing his arms across his chest. "Hey, man. I'm not a douchebag, you know that. And of course I won't tell mom and dad. But, like, it's like you telling me that you don't like bananas. Like, it doesn't effect me if you don't eat bananas, I can keep eating 'em all I want. Heck, more bananas for me, man! But it's not like you can help not liking bananas. Why would I get mad about it?"

"Wait, are the 'bananas' hot chicks in this analogy?" Tyler asks with a smirk, and Zack bursts out laughing. 

"Shut up, man. You know what I mean," he smiles, and then Tyler is throwing his arms around Zack's shoulders and pulling him in for a long, drawn out, squeezing hug. 

"Thank you," Tyler utters, hugging him tightly, and Zack wraps his arms around Tyler's waist to hug back. 

"Don't thank me, man. There's nothing to thank, I haven't done anything. You're my brother, dude. Nothing is gonna change that, and it's not like this has just happened out of nowhere. You're the same guy I know, the brother I grew up with. You always will be. This doesn't change anything," Zack brushes it off, pulling out of the hug to make another attempt to wash up. 

"Okay, but thanks anyway, Zack," Tyler smiles, welling up a little. To think he was nervous enough to the point of nausea, when he knows Zack better than almost anyone else. He knows his brother could never be so hateful and horrid. "Thanks for being an awesome brother."

Zack grins huge at this, turning back to face him. "That's just what I do," he winks. "I promise I'll try to talk less about boobs and girl butts and stuff with you," he smiles, and Tyler cackles. 

"Thanks, man," Tyler beams, still laughing a little as he leans back against the kitchen sink, thinking. Is this what it's doing to be like with the rest of his family? Are they all going to accept him so entirely and so quickly? Will it all be this easy? And if so, should he waltz into the living room right now and announce it to everybody? Baby steps, he tells himself. No point in getting ahead of yourself, quit while it's all good. "I should probably get going soon if I'm gonna be driving back to Athens tonight, but it was good to see you, man. I'll be back for my birthday, I'll see you then?"

"Yeah, man. It was good to see you too. Have fun with, like, being an adult and stuff," he smirks, setting a mug upside down on the drainer to drip dry. 

"Yeah. It's a fucking blast," Tyler mutters under his breath, and Zack's eyes widen at his use of a curse word as he lets out a shout of laughter. 

With much protest from his parents, Tyler is convinced to stay at least until their board game wraps up, and it's approaching bedtime for his two youngest siblings by the time he's finally tearing himself away from his family. Hugs and kisses galore ensue, punctuated by Tyler's frequent reminders that he'll be back in a couple of weeks, and they really needn't make such a fuss. Eventually, after promising to work hard, study diligently, drive safely, and call home more often, Tyler is finally being waved out the front door. He chuckles as he unties the bow from his car roof, almost tempted to keep it on as he makes his way back to Josh's apartment, just to enjoy the looks he'd get from other drivers. 

As he gets into the driver's seat of his new car, all of it feeling very foreign and ever so exciting, he pops his key in the ignition and sends Josh a quick text before starting up the engine.

Tyler: **Everything went so frickin' great I can't even believe it. I'm leaving now so I'll be with you in a little over an hour. x**

And then he's off, taking it slow at first to try and get a feel for the car he's driving. He feels like an adult, more so than he ever has done before. He has independence, responsibility, the ability to go wherever he likes, whenever he likes, at a whim. For the first time, adulthood doesn't actually seem entirely terrible. As Tyler grows more confident behind the wheel, he switches on the radio and turns it up to a deafening volume, driving with his windows down and blasting out pop songs, singing along to *NSYNC and almost certainly speeding as he races along the highway with a grin. 

Driving himself back to his boyfriend's apartment, still riding a high from his conversation with his brother, and knowing he has a full day with Josh ahead of him tomorrow, for once, growing up really doesn't seem all that bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope you enjoyed it!  
> I am still, sincerely, so, so sorry that my updates have slowed so radically. Remember back at the start when I literally posted, like, seven chapters in one day?
> 
>  
> 
> _Wish we could turn back time_  
>  _To the good old days._
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you, all of you, for sticking with me through the drought, for continuing to be the most positive, sweet, encouraging and wonderful people I've ever met, and for always motivating me to continue. 
> 
> I'm still hopeful that my inspiration will, eventually, come flooding back and writing this will be as easy once more as it was at the beginning, but I promise I won't give up. No matter how difficult it may be, or how slow the trickle of inspiration may get, I will not stop. 
> 
> Bear with me, frens. And thank you all ❤️


	37. Decorating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little shorter, frens. It's also only the events of one God damn evening, why can't I write time passing?!
> 
> There's more already planned, this chapter just seemed to come to a good, natural ending a little sooner than usual, so I didn't wanna tack anything onto the end and detract from that. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it, and I hope the next part will be up soon! I _promise_ time is gonna pass in the next one.

Tyler's drive back to Athens goes by a lot quicker than he had expected it to. He gets lost in the actions of driving, having missed it more than he realised. He hasn't operated a vehicle since his and Brendon's first trip to their college dorm, after Brendon had eaten so much he could barely move. It's a comfort, being in complete control of something like a car. His life rests in the balance, only one swerve, or tug of the steering wheel, away from death. Rather than scaring him, the thought provides him with some relief; there are so few things he feels like he has control over in his life right now, and it's nice to have something important, dangerous even, to be responsible for. 

In what feels like no time at all, he's pulling up on the curb outside Josh's building. As he approaches, he catches sight of Josh on the front steps, waiting for him. He can't hold in his smile as he sees him, sitting slumped on the stoop, smoking a cigarette. Josh doesn't notice him approaching until he stops the car, and Tyler clocks the look of recognition and joy on his face. Beaming, he shuts off the engine and pulls his keys from the ignition, getting out onto the footpath as Josh rushes down the steps to fling his arms around Tyler's shoulders and pull him into a tight embrace. 

"Oh my God, I have missed you," Josh cries, squeezing his arms around Tyler's waist and lifting him off his feet momentarily. 

"I've missed you tooooo," Tyler whines as he's set back on his feet, and he presses their lips together. 

They stand there on the sidewalk, Josh's arms around Tyler's waist and Tyler's around Josh's shoulders, their lips working against each other, until Tyler's body is overtaken by a shiver and Josh pulls back with a smirk.

"C'mon, it's frickin' freezing out here, let's get you inside," Josh smiles, and Tyler gladly complies. 

Josh takes his hand, leading him into the building and across the lobby to enter the elevator. As soon as the doors close behind them, Tyler turns to wriggle his way between Josh's arms, melting into his chest with a contented sigh. He's still surfing the crest of the wave of happiness sparked by his talk with his brother. He has a giddy sort of glee bubbling up from his stomach and he feels as though nothing could bring him down, Josh's company only serving to heighten the wonderful emotions. As the metal door slides open onto the fifth floor, he reluctantly removes himself from Josh's chest, taking his hand once more and heading for the front door of his apartment. 

Once Josh has his keys in the lock, turning and pushing the door open, Tyler takes in a sharp gasp. Josh has turned his home into a God damn winter wonderland. He takes a few tentative steps inside, looking all around, while Josh grins from behind him. Fairy lights adorn every surface available, the ceilings rigged up and twinkling like the night sky, strings of them strung up in tracks across the walls, around mirrors, bordering every doorway. Their blanket fort is gone from the living room, replaced by a huge Christmas tree, twinkling with white lights and hung with a plethora of delicate looking, silver ornaments, a huge star shining proudly at the top. The windows are sprayed with fake snow, giving a glistening, frosted filter to everything outside, and the whole apartment has the atmosphere of Santa's grotto. Tyler turns with a smile to see Josh still grinning at him, and he bursts out laughing. 

"Oh my God, you weren't kidding," he guffaws, gazing up at the twinkling lights on the ceiling. 

"I'm a man of my word," Josh beams proudly. "If I say I'ma decorate for Christmas, you better believe I'ma have it looking like the North Pole up in here."

Tyler is still chuckling as he crosses the room to press his lips into Josh's, arms encircling him right away. "You are frickin' adorable," Tyler giggles once their kiss is broken. 

"Thank you," Josh smiles sweetly, pecking a little kiss to Tyler's forehead. "D'ya think I'm allowed to play Christmas tunes yet?"

"I think it'd be rude not to," Tyler concedes, and he bursts out laughing again as Josh practically jumps for joy, rushing across the room to press play on his CD player, and Winter Wonderland starts to play. "How fitting!" he giggles, and Josh grins at him. 

"So, tell me everything!" Josh encourages, grabbing Tyler by the hands and leading him over to the couch, which has been furnished with a cosy looking, knitted throw covered in reindeer. 

"Well, my parents are just my parents. It was all 'study hard, you're an adult, we're so proud of you so long as you do well in college', the usual," Tyler starts, sitting down on the couch next to his boyfriend. "Zack was awesome, though. I had to wait until just before I left to tell him, like, I cornered him in the kitchen and literally told him, 'I am a raging homosexual,' and he acted like I told him I bought new socks or something. Like, it was no big deal at all. He used some weird metaphor about bananas, and that was it."

"Dude, bananas are gross," Josh grimaces, and Tyler laughs. 

"Right?!" he exclaims, and then Josh is pulling him into his chest for a cuddle. 

"That's so awesome, though. You're so brave, Ty. I'm proud of you. Even if you don't do well in college," he giggles, and Tyler beams up at him. "I'm glad he wasn't a jerk about it."

"God, me too," Tyler muses, clinging around Josh's waist. "Next up, I gotta tell my mom."

"Only if you're ready, baby. You don't have to rush it," Josh tells him, stroking the fingers of one hand through his hair, but Tyler shakes his head, pulling back a little from their up hug to meet his eyes. 

"Nah, I wanna tell her. Especially after Zack. Like, I was so gosh darn worried about it and it turned out to be the easiest thing. What if it's like that with everyone and I'm getting über stressed out about nothing?"

"I really hope so," Josh smiles, and just then Tyler's phone vibrates in his pocket with a ping. After a brief apology to Josh, he straightens up to pull his cell from his pocket and check the screen. It's Brendon. 

Brendon: **HOLY FUCK TYLER WE FUCKING DID IT!!! WE GOT FUCKING SIGNED OH MY GOD!!!**

He stares blankly at the illuminated screen in his hand, suddenly detached from reality. It's happened. He knew it would, but that doesn't mean he was ready for it. Brendon is going to leave, and Tyler is going to be alone and friendless and trying to trudge through his college career without the moral support of his best friend. His eyes glaze over, fixed on his phone until the light from the screen fades to black, a dark void in his hands. It isn't until Josh's hand comes to rest on his thigh that he's jolted back to reality. 

"Hey, Ty, is everything okay?" he asks, and then Tyler bursts into tears. "Hey, hey, baby boy, what's wrong?" Josh coos, his eyebrows pinching in concern, but the tears are coming thick and fast, sobs wracking his body, and Tyler can't get the words out. He makes a choked up sound before dissolving in tears again, and Josh grabs him, pulling him tight to his body. "Tyler, what is it? Talk to me!" he begs, but Tyler buries his face in Josh's chest. 

He can't bring himself to vocalise his thoughts. How does he tell Josh that he's heart broken and miserable over his best friend's success? How does he explain that he's bitter and jealous and needy enough to be upset that someone he loves is doing well? He hates himself for the piteous way he's behaving, disgusted by his own wretchedness. 

"Please, Ty," Josh implores, taking him by the shoulders and gently pulling Tyler from his chest. "Please, tell me what's wrong."

Tyler tries to take a deep breath, but it comes in short, shallow gasps, tears still rolling in tracks down his cheeks. "I-it's Brendon," he pants, before being overcome by more crying. 

"What's happened?! Is he okay?" Josh presses, looking scared, and guilt claws at Tyler's insides. He's acting as though his friend has died, rather than him being handed the opportunity of a lifetime. 

"H-he's fine," Tyler assures him, wiping his cheeks with the backs of his hands. "The band, t-they got signed," he breathes out, voice quavering as yet more tears cascade down his face. 

"Well, but that's good, is it not?" Josh asks, looking confused, and Tyler only feels worse for how he's acting. 

"Y-yeah, it's great," he tries to agree, not even believing his own words. "Just, it means..." He takes a deep breath, managing to stem the persistent flow of tears, but only just. He hates the words he's about to say before he even speaks them. "It means he's going to leave," he utters in a breathy whisper.

"Oh, baby boy, c'mere," Josh sighs in a sugary sweet voice, wrapping both arms around Tyler's waist and heaving him across the sofa to sit in his lap. He rocks him gently from side to side, pressing gentle kisses to his forehead, across his cheeks, on both eyelids. He takes his hands briefly from Tyler's waist to wipe the wetness from his face with the pads of his thumbs before cuddling him tightly once more. "Brendon might go," he hushes, and Tyler very nearly bursts into tears again, "but you are never, ever going to be alone. You have me. You have Hayley. We'll never let you be alone, I promise. You are going to be okay," he insists, kissing Tyler's forehead again. 

"I'm sorry," Tyler mumbles helplessly, fighting desperately to hold back the new onslaught of tears threatening to spill over his lower eyelids. "I'm being stupid."

"You don't have to be sorry, Ty," Josh soothes, cradling him close. "And you're not being stupid. But we aren't going to let you be alone. And hey, you're gonna get there too! And you're gonna do it all by yourself, because you're so God damn talented. You aren't gonna need anybody else to carry you to the top."

The sincerity in Josh's voice, the obvious fact that he believes the sentiment as he expresses it, has fresh tears rolling down Tyler's cheeks, but these ones aren't sad. "You really think so?" he asks in a tiny voice, ashamed of how badly he needs Josh's validation. 

"No, I don't think so, Ty. I _know_ so," Josh assures him, and Tyler throws his arms around Josh's shoulders to squeeze him as tight as he can manage. 

"Thanks, Jishwa," he murmurs, planting a kiss on Josh's neck. "Hey, a bunch of people have listened to one of the tracks I recorded, but it still sounds kinda crappy. Could you... Would you do drums for it?" he asks shyly, staring intently at Josh's chest as he poses the question. He sees Josh break into a grin in his peripheral vision and glances up to meet his eyes. 

"That's freaking sick, Ty! Of course I'll help you, I'd love to," Josh beams, planting a kiss to his forehead. "I don't have a recording set up for my drums here, but we could do it in the record store if you like? There's some pretty sick gear in there, and I'm sure Mark wouldn't mind. You can come in some time this week when you don't have classes."

"That would be amazing," Tyler smiles, so grateful that he has Josh. Just like always, his boyfriend knows exactly how to pick him up out of his funk, and he has happiness spreading through Tyler's chest once more. "Thank you."

"Any time, Ty. Really, I mean it. Hey, you wanna watch a Christmas movie with me?" Josh suggests out of the blue. "I am in such a seasonal mood, you don't even know."

"For sure!" Tyler grins, wanting to see Josh's excitement more than he could any movie. He's starting to think that he'll bear witness to a lot of cuteness on his boyfriend's behalf over the next two months. 

Josh stands, crossing the room to turn off the music that's been playing jovial Christmassy songs in the background, then pressing a button to turn on the TV. Tyler is too busy paying attention to Josh, the little smile playing on his lips and the twinkle in his eye in the soft glow of fairy lights, to notice what's on the television screen, until he's torn from his admiration by a triumphant shout as Josh throws himself down on the couch beside him. 

"HA!" Josh shouts, making Tyler start. "I _told_ you it was a Christmas movie!" he gloats, and sure enough, there on the screen in front of them, a channel is showing The Nightmare Before Christmas. 

"Yeah, well it was on two channels at once on Hallowe'en! We're closer to Hallowe'en than Christmas right now!" Tyler argues, smiling, but as Josh selects the film and it comes up on screen, they see a skeleton dressed as Santa Claus dancing before them. 

"Ha," Josh deadpans, turning to grin at him, sticking his tongue out, and Tyler giggles. 

"Okay, touché! It's both," he smiles, Josh looking satisfied that he's given in. "Also, Jack Skellington in a Santa suit is totally you right now," he adds, and Josh lets out another shout of laughter, wrapping an arm around Tyler's shoulders to pull him in for a cuddle as they settle down to watch the movie. 

*****

By the time the end credits are scrolling up the screen, Josh has his back wedged into a crevice in the corner of the couch, legs spread with Tyler sat between them, his back against Josh's chest and strong arms around his waist. He gives in to a yawn, stretching out across the sofa, and Josh takes his arms from around him, kissing the top of his head. 

"C'mon, Ty, bedtime," he says softly, shifting himself out from the arm of the couch and moving Tyler to the edge of his seat. 

Tyler hums in agreement, pushing himself up from the cushions to stand. He feels a little guilty for not having texted Brendon back yet, the idea has been weighing on his mind throughout their movie watching. He doesn't know what to say to his friend, never mind how to say it. How does he convey his feelings, or try to hide them, through text message? How does he congratulate him and make it sound sincere? He decides on his old fallback of forcibly suppressing the thoughts, he'll see Brendon tomorrow anyway. He can worry about it then. For now he'll focus on Josh. 

He lets Josh take his hand, their fingers interlocking, and lead him down the hall to his bedroom door. Tyler notices a little smirk on Josh's face as he reaches for the door handle, the kind of mischievous smile he gets when he's up to something, and curiosity floods him. Any questions that come racing to his mind with Josh's expression are quickly answered as he opens the door onto a scene that's enough to make Tyler melt into a boy shaped puddle on the ground. 

A little line of red and white swirled, peppermint candies create a path that leads across the floor to Josh's bed, which is littered with more of the sweets. The only light in the room comes from the flickering flames of candles lined up along the windowsill and covering the bedside table. The whole bedroom smells of cinnamon and cloves and orange, with the wonderful, woodsy undertones of Josh's scent. Tyler turns his head to look at Josh, whose small smirk has turned into a lopsided grin, perfectly white teeth showing through half of his mouth. 

"I couldn't find any roses," he explains, his grin growing, and Tyler yanks his hand free of Josh's grip to throw his arms around his neck, pulling him in for a long, deep kiss. 

His hands move to tangle through the faded pink curls sitting atop his head, fingers grabbing handfuls as he pulls Josh closer. He feels hands snaking around his hips to pull their bodies together, and that's all it takes for Tyler to suddenly want Josh with every atom of his being. A little groan grows in the back of his throat as they mash their lips together, Tyler rolling his hips into Josh as he tugs at his hair gently, and then Josh is walking him backwards across the room, not breaking their kiss until he's throwing him down on the bed.

Pushing Tyler's legs apart, Josh crawls onto the bed on top of him, supporting himself with an arm either side of his head, and he crashes their lips together again. Tyler starts bucking his hips up into Josh's the minute he feels his crotch pressed against him, whining into their kisses as he feels Josh start to grind back into him. 

"God, I love you, Josh," Tyler huffs out, once they break their kiss in order to catch their breath. "I love you so, so much," he stresses, grabbing at the hem of Josh's t-shirt and tugging it up his torso.

"I love you too, Tyler," Josh smiles, leaning back on his knees momentarily and raising his arms to allow his t-shirt to be pulled off and thrown across the room. Then he takes Tyler's garishly coloured, Mickey Mouse t-shirt by the bottom of the fabric and makes quick work of removing it, throwing it to join his own on the floor. "I might wanna steal that shirt," he muses with a smile as he leans back down on his hands either side of Tyler. 

"That seems fair, I think I have about three whole outfits of yours," Tyler giggles, stretching his neck up to press a little kiss to Josh's bottom lip. "It'd look good on you," he smiles, then he wriggles around and manages to overturn their arrangement, so that Josh is lying on his back with Tyler on top of him. Josh gives him a challenging smile with a cocked eyebrow as he shifts himself into a more comfortable position under him. "Sorry, just I promised myself I was gonna do this next time I got you in bed," Tyler smirks, shuffling down until he's sitting right on Josh's crotch. 

He splays his hands on Josh's chest and starts gently tracing his fingertips across the expanse of skin before him, drawing shapes and tracing patterns in the smattering of freckles that litter his shoulders and chest. Tyler leans down to kiss and nip at the pale skin of his neck, hands still wandering across his chest and stomach. He's sure his rough palms and calloused fingertips make the touches much less delicate than his movements intend, but Josh is grinding his crotch up against Tyler's ass as he trails kisses down his neck and across his collarbones, so he doesn't seem to mind. 

On one buck of Josh's hips, Tyler presses himself back down into him, hard, and Josh lets out a low groan. He grabs Tyler firmly by the hips and starts to grind up into him roughly, biting his own lower lip, and Tyler decides he's paid Josh's freckles enough attention. He shuffles himself down the bed, far enough to be face level with Josh's crotch, and brings his hands to the waistband of his jeans, unbuttoning them slowly then inching them down his legs, staring up into his eyes all the while. 

"God, I've missed you," Josh breathes, fisting a hand in Tyler's hair but not pushing or pulling. 

Tyler looks up at him with a little smirk, then leans his head forward, still holding Josh's eye contact, and begins mouthing at the outline of his erection over the black fabric of his underwear. Josh lets out a long sigh, one hand behind his head while the other rests on Tyler's, and just watches him. Tyler makes a show of running his tongue in a line along Josh's length through his boxer-briefs, of pulling at the waistband with his teeth, of tugging them down just enough to expose the very tip of his cock and giving it a few little kitten licks. 

"Fuuuuuck, Ty," Josh groans out, and Tyler has missed that exclamation so much. He needs more. 

He reaches up to hook his fingers under the elastic of Josh's underwear and pull his boxers and jeans down, Josh lifting himself up from the bed to allow Tyler to undress him. Immediately after his clothing is tossed to the floor, Josh is up on his knees, lips crashing into Tyler's and their tongues dancing together, his hands going straight to the buttons of Tyler's jeans. After a little fumbling, neither one of them willing to break their kiss first, Josh has Tyler's pants undone and is yanking them down his legs with his underwear. Josh pulls away from his lips momentarily to tug the skin tight jeans off Tyler's legs, dragging him down the bed a little as he struggles to get them off his ankles. 

As soon as Tyler is finally free of the restrictive denim, Josh is pushing him down onto his back and leaning over him. "You are so gorgeous, Tyler," he hums, pressing gentle kisses onto his lips and cheeks. "So, so gorgeous," Josh's every word is punctuated with a kiss, "and you're all mine."

Tyler bucks his hips up at his words, a desperate whine emitting from him, and Josh huffs out a breath before sitting back on his heels and leaning across to his bedside cabinet. He rustles around in the top drawer, then comes to sit between Tyler's legs again, a familiar little plastic bottle in his hand. He makes quick work of slicking up a few fingers, then throwing himself back on top of Tyler, hovering over him and supporting his weight with one hand beside his head. 

"I wanna hear you moan, Ty," Josh purrs, teasing a fingertip in circles around his tight, sensitive ring of muscle, and already Tyler is putty in his hands. 

"Please, Joshie," he whines out, not caring how desperate he may sound. "Please, give it to me," he bucks his hips, and Josh complies, pressing his middle finger past the resistance and angling it right away to brush briefly against his prostate. Tyler lets out a little squeal as Josh's fingertip glances across his g-spot, his hips bucking wildly. "Oh my God, J-ah, fuck, Josh, please," he babbles, hands burying themselves in Josh's hair. 

Josh lowers himself to bite Tyler's bottom lip as he pushes another finger inside, and he twists his wrist to get as deep as his reach will allow, to massage that one little spot that makes Tyler see stars. He lets out a croaking yell of Josh's name, grinding his ass down onto his fingers as he rubs circles inside him. 

"Joosssshhhh," Tyler drawls, rutting his hips over and over, "please, Josh, give it to me," he repeats, his boyfriend looking down at him hungrily. "Take me."

With an animalistic growl, Josh is pulling out and pulling away, making Tyler feel suddenly empty and cold. He lets out a little noise of complaint, however it quickly turns into a tortured moan as he watches Josh squirt a generous amount of lubricant into his palm and start stroking his length up and down. 

"Fuck, please Josh," he cries out, ass grinding down into the bed, just for some form of friction. 

With a wicked smirk, Josh grabs his legs by the ankles and forces them apart, Tyler spread eagle in front of him. For a moment, Josh just stares at him, a breathy, "Fuuuck," the only communication he offers, then he's diving his head down to lick and lap and suck at his hole with fervour. Tyler sings, voice high pitched and cracking, at the sensation, grinding his ass into the feeling, desperately searching for more as Josh plunges his tongue inside. But then he's pulling away, and Tyler cries out at the loss, until Josh is back hovering over him and swallowing the sound in a kiss. 

Without breaking their kiss, he lines himself up to press the head of his cock to Tyler's asshole, pushing in ever so slightly, then returns his hand to the bed beside Tyler's head. Josh smiles as the boy under him lets out a needy whine into his mouth, trying his best to buck his hips up and force him inside, but Josh teases him. He dips the tip of his cock into his tight, wet heat over and over, refusing to go any further. 

"Please, Josh," Tyler begs, rutting up into him and letting out little, high pitched noises of desperation, "please, I need it."

"Okay, baby boy," Josh smiles, pressing a kiss to his forehead as he slowly, deliberately slides himself in to the hilt. 

Tyler can't help but let out a little squeal as Josh bottoms out, then a short scream of his name as he grinds his head up against Tyler's g-spot. As soon as he's found it, Josh doesn't lose it, and he's drawing himself out to push back in with those same slow, deliberate movements. Tyler's hands are scrabbling for purchase on Josh's back, nails clawing at him as he ruts his hips into Josh's relaxed rhythm. Despite the sedate pace, he hits Tyler's prostate hard and gives lengthy grinds into it with every roll of his hips. 

He covers Tyler's face and neck in kisses, sucking a hickey over one of his collarbones as they get lost in one another. Josh is whispering, "I love you so much," and, "You're so gorgeous," repeatedly between kisses, his hips unfaltering as he keeps up his measured thrusting. Tyler seems incapable of forming sentences, moving only between sobbing moans, and calling out the occasional profanity, Josh's name, or God's. 

It isn't until Josh is halting his movements, putting a hand to Tyler's cheek and looking him in the eye with a concerned countenance, that Tyler realises he's crying again. "Baby boy, what's wrong, are you okay?" he asks, forehead creasing with worry as he wipes away the tears. 

"Nothing's wrong, everything's right, please don't stop," Tyler huffs out, writhing on the bed with a buck of his hips, and he catches Josh's beaming smile briefly, before he's shoving his lips into Tyler's in an impassioned kiss as his hips pick up their grinding again. 

Every movement between the two of them is loaded with emotion, with intent. Every kiss speaks volumes, every slow, rolling grind of Josh's hips and his whispered words, tells a story that letters simply cannot. Crying out in candle light, hands clutching at Josh's back as he peppers kisses across every bare inch of Tyler's skin he can reach, twitching as his prostate is pushed against and pressed on, Tyler realises that, for the first time in his life, he's 'making love'.

Josh takes a hand from where it's supporting him on the mattress to ghost his fingertips up and down Tyler's side as he rolls his hips into him, raising his skin in goosebumps and making the hairs stand on end. He rests his forehead on Tyler's, smiling down at him, staring into his eyes as he moves their bodies together. Tears subsiding and breath coming back to him, Tyler reaches up to press a kiss to Josh's lips, sucking his lower lip into his mouth briefly. 

"I love you so much, Jishwa," he pants, hips grinding in a circle and coaxing a moan from Josh as he talks. "You are gorgeous, and I love you, and yo-oh my God, fuck, you feel so good," he moans out as Josh bucks hard into his g-spot and lets Tyler grind in circles onto him. 

Josh starts to pick up his pace, building a rhythm that starts off slow and steady, but with every thrust he pulls back and pushes in a little harder and faster, Tyler emitting a tiny squeak every time he bucks his hips forward. He keeps the increases in his speed torturously slow, and Tyler is writhing and moaning and begging for more, until every with thrust he's pounding into him hard and fast, the little squeaks evolving into shouts and squeals and screams. 

The bed is creaking, the headboard is hitting the wall, Tyler is screaming out Josh's name while he lets out long, low groans, Tyler's legs over his shoulders and their skin slapping together loudly. The neighbours must hate them, but Tyler doesn't care. He's so lost in the moment, in the pleasure, in Josh's body on top of him, inside him, that nothing else even registers. Soon, Josh's relentless slamming into his prostate has his toes curling, his breath catching in his chest, a tight, tugging sensation in the pit of his stomach.

"Josh," he groans out, writhing under him, and he looks up to see Josh smiling as his hips hammer into him in that relentless way they always do. Tyler almost can't draw enough air in to get the rest of the words out, but he takes a deep breath and forces it out. "Josh, please, you're gonna make me come, I'm gonna come," he whines out.

And then Josh does something he never does, he reaches down to wrap a hand around Tyler's rock hard, throbbing length, and starts pumping him up and down in time with his thrusting hips, using his thumb to spread precome around his head. It takes Tyler completely off guard, and he's shouting again as Josh bucks into his g-spot, jerking him off at the same time. His eyes are rolling back in his head, his toes are curling up tight enough to cramp, and he manages to get out another squeal of Josh's name before he's coming all over his stomach, sending thick ropes of it across his torso. 

Josh grins, leaning down to mash their lips together as he keeps his hand slowly squeezing up and down, letting Tyler ride out his orgasm, a little more come throbbing out over his fingers. His thrusts speed up a little, slowly start to lose their rhythm, Tyler absolutely wrecked, exhausted, destroyed as Josh's hips fuck him hard and fast, actions getting a little sloppy, until he's letting out those stunning little high pitched moans Tyler is so fond of and that has him grinding his hips back into Josh's again. His moans only get higher as he starts to get louder, and in that beautiful, high pitched voice, the sound cracking a little, he groans out, "Fuuuck, I love you, Ty," before his eyes fall closed and his mouth falls open in that familiar silent scream, and then he's coming. 

He finally falls on top of Tyler once he's reached his orgasm, his arm giving out under him, and he pants and heaves as he lays across Tyler's chest, before slowly sliding himself out with another of those high pitched moans, then rolling over to flop on the other side of the bed. 

"Fuck, that was amazing, I love you," he huffs out with a smile, looking over at Tyler who grins back at him. 

"You're amazing, Joshwa," he gushes, rolling over to peck a kiss to Josh's cheek, then rest his head on Josh's chest. He can hear his pounding heartbeat and feel every breath with the rise and fall of his chest, and it fills him with this wonderful feeling, to be surrounded by how very raw and alive he is. "I am so madly in love with you."

Josh beams down at him, pressing a kiss to the top of his head and carding his fingers through his hair, but then Tyler is extracting himself from their cuddle with a smirk. 

"Turn around," he urges, pushing at Josh's right shoulder until he gives in with a curious eyebrow raised, and rolls over onto his side. Tyler bursts into laughter, a real, loud, belly laugh, as he sees that Josh's back is covered in little red and white peppermint candies, stuck to his skin. Josh looks over his shoulder at him to inquire about his outburst, but then he catches sight of the sweets stuck to him and joins in on Tyler's laughter. 

With a smile that dimples his cheeks, Tyler goes about picking all the candies off, reminding himself of a monkey grooming its mate, and popping one of the mints into his mouth for good measure. Once they're gone, Tyler starts work tracing his fingers across the plethora of freckles spanning Josh's back, mapping constellations in the dots. He could lie for hours, just running his fingertips across Josh's skin, seeing the little twitches of his muscles when the delicate touches tickle him, following the swirling patterns of his tattoo. Once he's trailed his fingertips all the way across his shoulders, down his arm, along the indentation of his spine, across the dimples on his lower back, and up again, he snakes his arms around Josh's waist with a sigh and just holds him. 

"I'm not used to being the little spoon. It's nice," Josh muses, and Tyler giggles. 

"It's just so unfair that you'll never get to feel your own cuddles. They're the best, I swear to God," Tyler smiles, pressing kisses onto Josh's shoulder. 

"I dunno, yours are up there," Josh smiles back, then he breaks free of Tyler's grip to roll around and face him, then they wrap their arms around each other, legs tangling together, heads rested on one another. 

Tyler aches to stay in this moment, exactly this, for all eternity. Being squeezed tightly into Josh's body, as much skin pressed together as can be, a postcoital haze of euphoria and sleepiness hanging over them in a fog. It's perfect. It's making him the happiest he can ever remember being. He doesn't ever want it to end. 

"I love you, Ty. Ninight," Josh sighs, then he lets out a huge yawn and settles his head down into the pillow, still pressed against Tyler's. 

"I love you too, Joshie bear," he whispers, and he sees Josh smile at the syrupy sweet nickname. "G'night." 

He moves his head briefly to press a quick, pecking kiss to Josh's lips, then returns it to it's spot resting against Josh's. With a long, quiet, contented sigh, Tyler resigns himself to watching Josh sleep in the candle light. The flames flicker, sending shadows across his face from time to time as his muscles slowly relax and his face goes slack. He watches his breathing level out as his chest rises and falls steadily against him, and he has the tiniest whisper of a smile on his face as his eyelids flicker, some dream taking him far away from the bed he's lying on. 

Tyler is already writing a song in his head as he watches him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for being so patient and supportive and sweet to me! For real, you guys don't even know how much you help me. 
> 
> Feel free to say hey in the comments, I love hearing your stories, you guys keep me writing,
> 
> Love you, frens ❤️


	38. Pining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Holy SHIT** you guys!  
>  Two updates in two days! I am so happy right now, you don't even know. I hope you enjoy it! ❤️

Despite it still being pitch black outside, Tyler wakes up to birdsong on the other side of the window on Sunday morning. He looks around to find he's stayed wrapped up in a sleeping Josh beside him all night long. The universe grants him a few short minutes of uninterrupted bliss, half asleep and lost in the heat and slow, steady breathing of the body beside him, before he realises that today he has to face Brendon. A wave of nausea crashes over him as his thoughts move to what life is going to be like after Brendon is gone. Classes without him, his dorm room without him, no best friend to come home to and give a running commentary of every minute he spends with his boyfriend, no constant pillar of support and inappropriate jokes. He hasn't ever had to go for more than a week without seeing Brendon since he was twelve, and now he has to try and make his way through the scariest part of his life so far without him. 

Tyler turns to wake up Josh, unable to cope any longer, being alone with his thoughts sending him into a spiral of panic and fear. Nothing kills a man faster than his own head. He presses kisses into Josh's lips, across his cheeks, over his forehead, until he's stirring with a grumble. 

"G'morning, Josie bear," he sings, giggling at the grumpy face that greets him. 

"Ty?" Josh croaks out in a voice that cracks from not being used. "What time is it?"

Josh yawns and stretches, rubbing his eyes roughly with the heels of his palms, as Tyler leans over the side of the bed to fish his phone from his pocket and check the time, something he hadn't even thought to do. 

"Oh... Oops," he mumbles as he sees that it's just gone six in the morning. "Sorry. It's super early. Like, six o'clock. I just didn't wanna be alone..." he trails off, only hearing how pathetic the words sound once they're spoken. "We can go back to sleep if you like?"

"Nah, it's okay, I'm up now," Josh smiles warmly at him, rolling over to wrap his arms around Tyler's waist again. "Hey. We have loads of time before I have to be at work, you wanna go get breakfast or something?"

"A hundred percent," Tyler grins, any opportunity to spend more waking hours with his boyfriend welcome. "Hey, is there a chipotle near here? Because I could totally go for, like, an obscenely huge burrito."

"Mexican at 6am?! Are you mad?" Josh chuckles, taking his arms from around Tyler's waist to stretch himself out again, then sitting up. 

"I just really want some Sofritas and guac, don't shame me!" Tyler whines, and Josh laughs again. 

"There's one, like, five minutes from the university, but they don't open until eleven. We can go there before you head back to campus. You wanna get a coffee or something first?" Josh offers, and Tyler smiles. 

"That sounds totally perfect. Thanks, Jish," he grins, sitting up and leaning over to press a kiss to Josh's cheek. "You're always so good to me."

"S'my job," Josh grins back, turning his head to meet Tyler's lips with his own. "Hey, there's another Starbucks at a mall not too far from here. It'll take a little longer to drive there, but at least they won't kick us out for theft?"

"Sounds good, Jishwa!" Tyler calls, springing up from the bed, suddenly full of energy. "Le'ss go!" he cries, grabbing his boxers from the floor and pulling them on. 

Josh lets out a quiet chuckle at Tyler's enthusiasm, but he complies. He's a little less eager to leave, still groggy from sleep as he slouches off to the bathroom with fresh underwear to splash some water on his face, but he doesn't complain, and Tyler is so incredibly grateful for it. It seems that Josh will do anything for him, even get out of bed at ugly o'clock in the morning just to keep him company. As soon as the bathroom door closes behind him, however, Tyler's mood takes a nosedive. With no gorgeous boy distracting him, his thoughts head straight back to Brendon, to this dreaded conversation looming over him. 

He's trying to think of ways to feign happiness and excitement for him, all the while battling to ignore the voice in his head that's yelling to be heard, 'You're a bad friend, you should be happy for him, you're so selfish, you're pathetic, you're never going to make it, he'll leave you behind, he can't wait to be gone, to leave you at college and never come back.' 

Relief floods him as the bathroom door opens and a slightly more refreshed and alert looking Josh emerges from the room, slightly more dressed. Tyler rushes across the room to throw his arms around his boyfriend in a hug, Josh a little taken aback but returning the embrace nonetheless.

"Is everything okay?" Josh asks, looking concerned as he runs his fingers through Tyler's hair, and Tyler lets out a deep sigh. 

Quite the opposite to any of his family members, he finds himself thinking that it's easier to tell Josh the truth rather than lie to him, no matter how ashamed of his truth he may be. "I just don't know what to say to Brendon. Or how to deal with it. Or what I'm going to do when he's gone, or how I'm gonna make it through even a single lecture, or how I'm gonna get out of bed or remember to do anything or what I can do to make any of this okay," his words pour out faster and faster as he lets his unwanted thoughts spew out of his mouth, a little of the weight lifting from his mind just by speaking his worries out loud. 

Josh lets out a sad little hum, pulling him closer. "Is this why you didn't wanna be alone?" he asks, and Tyler just nods. "Ty, you aren't alone. And you won't be alone. I already promised that. You've got me, and I'ma make sure Hayley is on you like emo kids on a Hot Topic sale rack. You won't be alone."

Tyler giggles at his analogy, but it doesn't stop the churning in his stomach or the thoughts swirling around his head. "I'm just scared, Josh. I'm so scared."

"I know, baby," Josh hushes, giving Tyler another squeeze before letting go. "But use it. Write. Let it be the thing that motivates you, because God damn it, you're better than him, and I'm not just saying that because I'm your boyfriend."

Tyler scoffs at his words, but Josh stands strong, crossing his arms across his chest.

"You are," he states matter-of-factly. "You have so much talent, Tyler. And you can get anywhere you want to be. I know you can."

Without permission, Tyler's eyes are welling up with tears, and he throws himself into Josh's chest to grip him tightly before he has a chance to notice. He blames it on his fragile emotional state and squeezes his eyes shut, willing the tears away. 

"Thank you," he whispers into Josh's chest, screwing up his eyes and burying his face. Josh briefly squeezes back before pulling himself free. 

"You've gotta have more faith in yourself, Ty. You're good. You're so frickin' good, and you need to believe that if you want other people to. The songs you write, I mean, shit, they could really, _really_ help people. In a big way. But you've gotta believe in the words you're singing if they're gonna hit hard," Josh tells him, looking a little pained as he speaks. 

It's probably the closest thing to 'tough love' Tyler has ever gotten from him, but he can't even try to say Josh isn't right. Every word of it is truth, if Tyler wants anyone to shut up and listen to him, to be taken seriously, he has to take himself seriously first. 

"You're right," he says in a small voice, looking down at his hands. "I'll try. I promise."

"Okay, but you don't have to promise me. Promise yourself, Ty. Do it for you," Josh smiles, and suddenly it's like he has the wisdom of an old man. Tyler smiles back, leaning in to peck a kiss to his lips before moving to grab his jeans from the floor. "Also, you can borrow one of my t-shirts, because I am absolutely stealing yours," Josh grins, stooping to pick up the Mickey Mouse shirt in question and shrug it on. 

Tyler gives a vague grumble of reluctant agreement as he tugs his jeans on, then turns to see Josh in his shirt and can't help the beaming smile that takes over his face. "Oh, damn, that looks so much better on you, I can't even be mad about it," he giggles as Josh looks down at the tee. "It looks _sick_ with your hair! You can't keep it forever, though. I've had that shirt for the longest time."

"I tell ya what, you can borrow it sometimes," Josh winks with a grin, and Tyler couldn't possibly try to argue with that face. 

It doesn't take long for the two of them to dress, Josh lending Tyler his faded blue, baggy shirt with the NASA logo on the front, because it's equally as precious to Josh as Tyler's shirt is to him. He makes the bargain that Josh can have it back once his shirt is returned to him, although he wouldn't really mind either way if it means he gets to keep another article of Josh's clothing. Once they're ready, they head to the elevator, deciding to take Tyler's car for coffee seeing as driving is still a novelty for him. Josh tells him to head on out once they reach the ground floor, explaining that he hasn't checked to see if he has mail in at least a week, and Tyler walks out the door ahead of him, laughing. 

"Oh, shit," Tyler breathes as he goes to turn the key in the lock of his car door and finds it already open. "Oh, _shit_!" he shouts, as he pulls the door open to find the inside of his car ransacked.

He didn't have much inside to steal, thankfully, seeing as he's had the car for all of five minutes, but where his car radio once sat, now some colourful wires hang out of an empty slot. 

Josh jogs down the steps of the building behind him, catching up from checking his mailbox. He sees the sickly look on Tyler's face and rushes over, "Ty? What's up?" he asks, eyebrows knitted together, and Tyler is close to tears again. 

"I didn't lock my _fucking_ doors last night," he curses, kicking the ground with the toe of his shoe and silently cursing himself. "I saw you and just got out of the God damn car and left it there. And somebody stole my fucking car radio. Shit!"

Josh bites his lip, looking at a loss for what to say, before offering a little of his optimism. "Hey, at least the car's still here! That's pretty lucky," he smiles, but Tyler is still scowling. 

"Someone could have stolen the whole _fucking_ car!" he shouts. "I got it _yesterday_ and already somebody stole the shitting radio, fuck!"

Josh is trying to hide a smile and Tyler looks at him darkly. "Sorry! That really sucks, Ty. I just love it when you cuss, it sounds so... wrong," he grins, and Tyler glowers at him. 

"Jerk," he mumbles, and Josh laughs. 

"Aw, c'mon, grumpus! Your car's still here! You got crazy lucky, it could be worse. It's just a radio," he smiles, pulling open the passenger door, that was also left unlocked, and getting in. Tyler huffs out a huge sigh as he slides into the driver side next to him. 

"Yeah, okay, but I'm not sure my parents are gonna have the same sunny outlook on the situation," he counters. 

"Ah," Josh replies, stumped. After a few beats of silence, he continues, "well, maybe your folks just don't need to know! It's not a lie so much as an 'omission of truth'. You've still got your car! It'll be okay," he offers, and Tyler forces a smile, because Josh is trying so hard to cheer him up. 

He has a feeling it's just going to be one of those days. 

*****

Their morning is a pleasant one, despite its miserable beginnings. Josh buys him a massive chai latte and takes him to a nearby park, where they watch the sunrise together from a little park bench, huddled together for warmth with no more protection from the elements than hoodies. They use their drinks as hand warmers as they cuddle together on the wooden seat, and even take the time to explore the tiny cluster of trees lining one side of the fenced off green. 

It takes Tyler's mind off things, but every now and then he'll remember that he has to deal with Brendon later, or that he was stupid enough to get his radio stolen on his first night of car ownership, and his mood will drop again. Eventually, Josh suggests that they go back to the apartment 'to chill', and they end up cuddled up on the couch watching cat videos on Josh's laptop to cheer him up. 

As eleven o'clock approaches, Josh asks him if he still wants chipotle before they have to go their separate ways, and Tyler agrees enthusiastically. The journey there is so short that Tyler could easily walk it from his dorm room, and he wonders why he hasn't in the past. He teaches Josh his trick of buying a huge burrito bowl for the same price as a single burrito, asking for two tortillas on the side (a free extra), then making two massive burritos out of the contents of the bowl. Josh laughs heartily at him as he picks apart his food and reconstructs it as a monster wrap the size of a small child, then does the same himself. 

"Okay, you're a genius," Josh laughs as he starts on one of his own burritos. "This is the best ever. Now I have one for work later."

"See? I toldja it was good," Tyler grins through a mouthful of beans, rice and tofu. "And the Sofritas add a whole new dimension of flavour, right?!"

"Yeah, you were totally right," Josh acquiesces, having added them to his order on Tyler's insistence. "I gotta admit, you know your Chipotle, kiddo," he laughs, and Tyler beams, looking particularly pleased with himself. 

All too soon, their time together is coming to an end, and Tyler has to leave Josh to work. The sooner he leaves Josh off, the sooner he has to go back to the dorm room and deal with what he feels about Brendon's newfound success, and that isn't something he's anxious to work through. He knows he's trying to drag out the limited time he and Josh have with one another, and he knows Josh needs to get to work, but he can't help himself. He's driving at least ten below speed limit on the streets back to the record store, pausing a little too long at every stop sign, slowing any time a car approaches in the opposite direction. He's sure Josh knows exactly what he's doing, too, but he doesn't complain once. Of course he doesn't. He's Josh. 

With a heavy sigh, he finally pulls up on the curb outside the record store, only minutes before Josh's shift starts. He turns in his seat to see Josh with a sad little smile on his face, and asks him what's wrong. 

"Okay, so I kind of didn't wanna tell you because I knew it'd make you sad, but I'm working all week long again, so I prolly won't get see you until the weekend," he rushes out, as if saying the words quickly will make them hurt any less, "unless you wanna come in to do some recording some time during the week?"

For about the fifth time that day, Tyler feels like crying. A week without his boyfriend is like a form of cruel and unusual punishment, and isn't that illegal in the United States? "Yeah, I'll come in and see you at some point," he says, forcing a smile. He doesn't mention the fact that he can't see himself getting through the week without him, especially after Brendon's news, but it must show in his eyes, because Josh looks apologetic as he offers a solution. 

"Of course, you can come over some evening, just I won't have a day to spend with you until the weekend." Tyler nods, the same forced smile on his face, but it doesn't seem to cut it and Josh can see right through it. "I'm sorry, Ty," he pouts. 

"No, don't be silly! It's not your fault," Tyler sighs, feeling a little guilty for acting the way he is. "Have a good day at work. I'll miss you heaps, I love you."

Josh closes the gap between their seats to press a gentle kiss to Tyler's lips, and the tension leaves his body momentarily as he kisses back. "I love you too, Ty. I'll talk to you later, okay? Let me know how stuff goes with Brendon," Josh tells him, and there it is, all the tension is back in his muscles with the reminder. 

"Okay, I will, I'll see you soon," and with that, Josh is getting out of the car, leaving a cold, stony silence in his wake. He waves Tyler off on his way back to campus, then disappears into the shop, and a tear rolls down Tyler's cheek as he curses. 

It's going to be one of those days. 

*****

Tyler pushes his dorm room door open to find Brendon still passed out in bed, despite it being one o'clock in the afternoon. He sighs, throwing his backpack on the floor and his keys on his desk (he had made sure his doors were locked three times before leaving his car in the lot out front), and drops himself down heavily on Brendon's legs, ignoring the voice in his head telling him that he's sick and twisted for hoping it hurts. After a moment's hesitation, realising that he hasn't even disturbed his friend's sleep, he starts bouncing up and down on the bony legs under him, until there's a muffled groan from the pillow above him. 

"Mmmph," Brendon muffles into the pillow, then he turns his head to look at Tyler, eyes bloodshot and tired. "Tyler? Holy shit, I think I'm actually, literally dying."

"What happened to you?" Tyler asks, the stink of alcohol surrounding his bed answer enough before Brendon even has to respond. 

"We partied last night, Pete took us out to this club, and he had coke," he groans, rubbing his head, and Tyler raises an eyebrow. 

"What, like he wasn't getting drunk with you?"

"Oh my God, _cocaine_ you asshat. Don't ever do drugs, kid," he grumbles, opening his bleary eyes again, and Tyler looks at him in mild disgust. 

"Wasn't planning to. Did you have fun anyway?" he asks, not much wanting to hear about his foray with fame. 

"I think so? I mean, what I remember is fun, but I have no idea how the fuck I got back to Athens, or where Ryan is, or my car. Fuck, I hope I didn't drive," he mutters, and Tyler gasps. 

"Jesus Christ, Brendon! What did you do?!" he cries, and Brendon winces. 

"Too loud, man, fuck."

Scowling, Tyler stands from the bed and pulls out his phone. "Give me Ryan's number," he demands, and Brendon looks at him, dumbfounded. 

"What? Why?" he grumbles, raising himself up on his elbow.

"So I can find out what the fuck happened. Brendon, if you drove for _an hour and a half_ drunk and high off your fucking face, I swear to God..." he's cut off by Brendon handing over his phone with Ryan's contact information on screen, rolling his eyes. 

"You'll what, Tyler? Beat me up?" Brendon scoffs, and Tyler really could punch him right now. 

"You are such a piece of shit," he spits, typing in the number and throwing the phone back at him. He can't ever remember thinking less of him in all their years of friendship, and Brendon has done some lowlife things. He cuts off whatever snarky reply Brendon is about to shoot back at him, raising a hand out in his face as he holds the phone to his ear, then walking into the bathroom and closing the door.

A few minutes later, he returns, setting his phone down on his desk and sitting on his own bed. Brendon looks at him expectantly, and he condenses what Ryan has told him into a few sentences to fill him in. "Apparently you got gross last night. You were off your face, you puked in the club toilets, you were too messy for anyone's parents house, Ryan hadn't been drinking, he drove you home and put you to bed, and he's kind of mad because you maybe jeopardised everyone's career by, well, being yourself, but that's your business."

Brendon drops onto his back in the bed, covering his face with both hands, and lets out a long, loud groan. "Fuck!" he shouts, throwing his arms back down on the bed. "God fucking damn it. Don't do drugs, kid."

"Yeah, no kidding. Maybe take your own advice next time," Tyler scowls, standing back up. "I'm gonna go to the music room. Feel free to join me when you're less of a mess. Congrats or whatever."

He grabs his keys and backpack again, then heads out the door, hearing Brendon shout, "Asshole!" before the door closes. And yeah, he could have been a little more sympathetic, he could have at least tried to show a little sincerity in his congratulations, but something about Brendon just seemed so perfectly loathsome today. 

Because it's one of those days.

*****

Tyler can't sleep. 

He'd spent his entire afternoon and most of his evening in the music room, creating. He didn't have any specifics in mind, didn't have lyrics he wanted to put music to or a particular track to lay down the foundations of, he just let whatever wanted to happen, happen. He ends up with a whole folder filled with electronic beats and bass tracks that can be fitted into songs as he needs them, but by the time he shut everything down and left the music department he didn't really feel like he'd achieved much, and he'd had guilt twisting in his stomach over the way he'd treated Brendon the entire time. His friend hadn't shown up at all during the hours Tyler had spent there, and he'd had to go through an awkward apology before attempting a sincere congratulations, and then having to listen to Brendon talk about how excited he was. 

Now, Tyler has to listen to Brendon snoring, while he's wide awake. He can't write, he's already tried. He'd talked to Josh a little earlier on, telling him about his unpleasant interactions with his best friend and receiving nothing but encouragement and support. He'd even ended up in a fit of laughter when Josh told him Mark almost gave him 'a strike on his record' for not wearing his uniform, he'd been in the Mickey Mouse shirt all day. What had he done to deserve Josh? What marvellous, wonderful thing had he put out into the universe, what incredible act had he carried out to earn himself the karma to have Josh as a boyfriend? Try as he might, Tyler can't think of a single thing about him that isn't perfect, and that's supposed to be impossible of a human being. No matter how sad he may get, his happiness is only a phone call away. 

But it's much too late to be calling Josh now, he has work in the morning. Tyler has class in the morning. In just a few short hours, to be exact. Writing has always been Tyler's go to when his insomnia gets bad, usually getting his thoughts out and onto paper makes him feel much better, but when he'd tried an hour or so ago, all he'd managed to do was make himself feel worse. He'd scribbled out a bullet point list of all the things that were weighing on his mind or bringing him down, it looked something like this:

* coming out to mom
  

* Brendon leaving
  

* being in college
  

* not seeing Josh all week
  

* William God damn Shakespeare
  

* Führer Hiles
  

* Having no money or job or friends or social skills and depending on pills and having a toxic monologue spewing in my head and crying and worrying and being such a damn pessimist all the time and leaving my god damn car doors open and...

The scribbles smudge here and then stop. All he'd done was open up a gate that was holding back a lot of anger and self-hatred, and that's where he is now. Lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling, thinking of all the ways in which he's a failure, a let down, a disappointment, subpar, not good enough. He tries his best to clear his thoughts, but that hateful voice in his head is still spewing its toxic monologue, and the scary thing is, it always seems to make sense. That voice, it knows every one of Tyler's thoughts, knows the ins and outs of his psyche, knows him better than most people. Nothing it says is ever a lie. 

He decides to take out a set of earphones and plug his ears with music in an attempt to lose the voice and find sleep. If it doesn't work, at least it will provide him some distraction from the relentless thinking, because he can't take the insults anymore, can't take that horrid voice telling him how bad a person he is, can't take the truth behind every word of it. 

It's just been one of those days. 

*****

Tyler wakes up on Monday feeling as if he'd spent the night before drinking heavily and snorting cocaine. He aches all over, and not in that wonderful way that Josh makes him ache, more in that bone grinding, muscle burning, sadness-makes-up-75%-of-my-body-mass way, where it's difficult to even open his eyes never mind get out of bed. His earphones have fallen out in the night, and it's Brendon's timid voice that pulls him out of his dreamless sleep. 

"One chai latte, for one spicy boy," he offers, holding a paper Starbucks cup out to him, and Tyler peeks an eye open, then takes the cup with a smile. 

"Thanks, Brendon," he says softly, taking a sip of the milky drink and letting out a hum of satisfaction. 

"Any time, T-bag," Brendon grins, taking a drink of what Tyler assumes is strong, black coffee. "We've gotta be in class in, like, twenty minutes, though. Hiles awaits," he chirps, and Tyler lets out a loud groan.

"Why'd you let me sleep so late?!" he cries, pushing himself to sit up in his bed. 

"Well, you just looked s'darn cute! Like a little sleepy kitten. You don't wake a sleepy kitten! Unless it's for Starbucks," he adds, grinning, and Tyler huffs out a sigh, dragging himself out of bed. 

He has the quickest shower of his life, towelling off and pulling on an outfit entirely from Josh's wardrobe, because at least that might help him get through the day. The sweatpants and hoody have long since lost even a trace of his smell, but the NASA t-shirt from yesterday envelops him in his boyfriend's scent, a mixture of his cologne and that intoxicating aroma that's just uniquely _Josh_. It mustn't have been washed since the last time he wore it, and Tyler is so thankful for the fact. 

Armed with a little courage from having something of Josh with him, his book bag, and his notebook filled with lyrics and scribblings, the two of them set off for class. 

"God, the day I never have to listen to this miserable old bastard ever again can't come soon enough," Brendon sighs on their walk to the lecture hall. "Roll on Christmas!" he shouts, and Tyler turns to look at him. 

"Is that how long you've got?" he asks in a quiet voice, and Brendon nods. 

"We're heading out to LA in the new year to record an album. Freaking Los Angeles, man! Have you ever heard of anything more bougie?!" he cackles, excitement lighting up his eyes, and Tyler is trying his very hardest not to be bitter, he really is. But it seems like Brendon is just rubbing it in at this point. 

He still has his latte in hand as they take their seats behind their regular desk, only minutes before the lecture starts. Tyler huffs out a frustrated sigh as he takes his play and pencil case from his bag. He already knows he isn't going to understand a word of this, because he's already attempted to read ahead, and he failed miserably. Hiles enters the class dead on nine o'clock, greeting the class in a monotonous voice, and launching straight into the text. 

It's very obvious that Brendon has stopped caring entirely about the class, and Tyler can't blame him even a little. If he knew himself that he was leaving, that this class was meaningless to him now, he wouldn't even be here. He suspects that Brendon is maybe there more for Tyler's sake than his own, but he isn't exactly helping. He's been scrolling through some website's feed on his phone for half an hour while Tyler tries desperately to take notes on the topics of the play, every few minutes leaning over to show Tyler some funny picture or tell him a joke. 

Their professor just happens to look up as Brendon is poking Tyler in the side of the face, trying to get his attention, as Tyler tries his hardest to ignore him, and the teacher snaps. " **That is it!** ," he shouts, making a few students jump with the sudden volume of his voice. "Mister Urie, you have disrupted this class for the last time. Three strikes and you're out. Collect your belongings and _leave_ ," Dr Hiles sneers, and Brendon lets out a shout of laughter. 

"Fucking gladly! Let's hope to God no suicidal kids end up in your class, old man, you'd have them slitting their wrists for sure," he spits, loud enough that everyone in the lecture hall can hear him. There are a few gasps and a handful of giggles, but mostly just shocked faces staring at him. Dr Hiles looks ready to retort, but Brendon is walking out before he gets a chance. "Tyler, I'll see you once this old fart finally finishes his fucking dissertation of misery and boredom," he calls across the room, and then he's out the door, leaving Tyler to try and shrink down in his seat as he gets stares from the room. 

The teacher continues with the lesson as though there had been no interruption at all, but Tyler's heart is pounding and his stomach is twisting and he feels sick. That's it, then. He's on his own in his English classes from now on. And despite all of Josh's sweet words and insisted promises, Tyler has never felt more alone. 

It looks like it's turning out to be one of those _weeks_. 

*****

Tyler hasn't been sleeping. He'll get two or three hours a night once his brain has finally exhausted itself, but not until after hours and hours of getting lost in his thoughts, none of them good. Brendon had disappeared after being ejected from class on Monday and Tyler had eaten his lunch alone in the cafeteria, reminding himself of being in middle school, before he and his best friend had met. He used to eat his lunch in the school bathrooms, and he got close to doing the same that afternoon. 

His return to class after their brief recess had only gotten worse, their professor giving them their essay question on The Tempest early, because they were also being set an essay question that incorporated all of the Shakespeare plays they had studied so far, both of which were due by the end of the week. It was looking more and more like he wouldn't even get to spend an evening with Josh this week after all, and that was the final blow to the stomach Tyler needed to end up breaking down. His return to the dorm on Monday evening had him walking into an empty room, with no idea where Brendon was. He had collapsed, exhausted, on top of his mattress, and he'd cried himself to sleep. 

Tuesday was no better, having had a full day of class again and no Brendon to make it even a little better. He'd struggled through his lecture, trying to take notes at first, but eventually giving up and writing lyrics instead. They were terrible, he hated them, they would never make it into a song, but it got some of the poison out of his mind, and that was something, at least. 

Finally, Wednesday had come around, the day he'd organised to meet Josh in work and try recording some drums for the tracks he has so far. Seeing him had Tyler truly smiling for the first time since he'd left him off to work on Sunday, and Mark had been wonderfully accommodating, allowing them to use whatever they wanted for as long as they wanted, even turning the other way when Tyler had kissed Josh, long and hard, on the shop floor.

Mark had spent the afternoon watching them play together, complimenting their work, telling Tyler that he was incredibly talented. All of it had been such a stark juxtaposition to the rest of his week so far, full of happiness and real smiles and laughter, rather than dull, grey misery. Mark had even told Tyler he wanted reimbursed for facial reconstruction surgery hospital bills, on account of his 'face melting uke solos'. "But we had a deal!" Tyler had whined, and they'd all shared in laughter together. 

But, just like every good thing Tyler has had in the past, it had to come to an end eventually. Josh had to get back to work, Tyler had to get back to twenty thousand words of essays, Mark had a business to manage, and he'd had to tear himself away from all the happiness and joy, back to the cesspit of misery in his college dorm. 

And here he sits, tapping away at his computer keyboard, with absolutely no idea what he's writing, or even what he's _supposed_ to be writing. The contrast between how playing music makes him feel versus how college makes him feel further solidifies Tyler's opinion that he is in the wrong place, that he shouldn't be wasting his parents money on tuition for a course that makes his mental illnesses so much worse, that he should be playing music. Even if he was busking on the street, he'd be having a better time than he is right now. It's making him utterly miserable, in fact he feels like he could cry. Again. He also feels like he can't voice any of this to Brendon, who lies on his back on his own bed, practicing riffs on his guitar. It doesn't seem like his friend could relate anymore, not when their lives are headed in such different directions now. 

But his happiness is just a phone call away. 

**-**

Josh is in his bedroom, practicing the drum beats he and Tyler had created to go along with the songs they were recording, playing the rhythms over and over until they're second nature, converting to muscle memory, to the point that he doesn't even have to think about them to play them in their entirety. Tyler had burned the songs onto a disc for him, at least what he had so far, so that Josh could use the recordings to refine his drumming, and they were getting together again soon to make official recordings. 

And man, do they sound good. 

Tyler's singing is better than ever, the music he's created with nothing but a keyboard, the ukulele Josh bought him, and a computer, completely astounds Josh every time he listens to it. His boy has so much talent, and he doesn't even realise it. He pauses his drumming when he feels the vibration of his phone in his pocket, pulling off his headphones and glancing at the screen to see Tyler is calling him, a very rare occurrence. It's almost always texting, and he immediately assumes something is terribly wrong. He throws his sticks to the ground and hurriedly answers the call. 

"Ty? Is everything okay?" he pants, still out of breath from the effort he was exerting drumming.

"Hey, Jishwa. Everything is alright, I just hate Shakespeare, and I miss you," comes Tyler's quiet voice from the other end of the line, and Josh aches with how badly he wants to hold him. 

"Aw, baby boy, I miss you too," Josh starts, but then he hears a little hitch in Tyler's breath, something that would have gone unnoticed by anyone who wasn't incredibly well acquainted with Tyler Joseph's range of noises, and he raises an eyebrow. "Ty?"

"Yeah?" Tyler answers, but it comes out as more moaning than questioning, and Josh registers that there's an echo to his voice. He's in the bathroom...

"Whatcha doin'?" Josh asks with a smirk, and he hears another tiny gasp from the boy on the line. 

"Thinking about you," comes the reply, and there's a certain quality to his voice, almost a whine, that tells Josh everything he needs to know. 

"Oh my God, I swear I'm about to drive over there," Josh chuckles, but then Tyler really does let out a whine and his laugh turns into a groan. 

"Please, Josh," he hears Tyler breath, then another little gasp, and his boxers are becoming uncomfortably tight. "Joshie, please, give it to me."

"Oh holy fuuuuuck, Tyler," Josh huffs out, throwing himself down on his bed and shoving his shorts and boxers down his thighs to wrap a hand around his already painfully hard length. "Is Brendon there?"

"Yeah, he's in the bedroom," Tyler giggles quietly, and a throb runs through him at the revelation. 

"Kinky. Little. Slut." Josh chuckles, and the words earn him a moan from Tyler that sounds just a little too loud for his roommate not to have heard. " **My** kinky little slut," he adds for good measure, then groans out, "Fuck, I wish I was there," and Tyler lets out a little whimper. 

"What would you do to me?" he asks, so quiet that Josh has to strain to hear it, almost as if Tyler's ashamed to ask. There's something so incredibly hot about it all. Josh is squeezing himself up and down as he lets his imagination run riot. 

"I'd have you pinned up against the wall," he whispers, and Tyler lets out a desperate little moan, spurring him on. "I'd have both your wrists in one hand, I'd have your legs wrapped around me, I'd be fucking you into the wall until you were screaming," he growls, and Tyler makes another needy little noise. "I'd make you see stars, baby boy. I'd have you fucked raw, I'd have your g-spot sore, I'd have you sitting funny for days."

"Fuck, Joshie, pleeease," Tyler cries, then he lets out this gorgeous little, "Ah, ah, ah," sound that Josh immediately recognises as the noise he makes when his prostate is being fucked, and it makes him throb again, his hand speeding up. 

"That's it, baby boy, let me hear you," Josh encourages, coaxing more of the sounds from him, and it's torture that Josh isn't eliciting them from him himself. 

"Jooossshhh, I want you so - ah, fuck! So bad, I need it, please, fuck me," he's babbling, that same chant he recites when Josh teases him, and shit, if it isn't driving him absolutely insane. It's much too late to be driving anywhere for sex, he has work in the morning, Tyler has essays, but Josh is so, so close to grabbing his keys and racing over to the dorm room where his boyfriend is riding his own fingers in the bathroom. 

"Fuuuuck, Ty, I need you here," he groans out, fisting his cock as fast as he can as he listens to every gasp, every hitch in breath, every breathy little moan coming from his boy through the phone. Every other exhale is coming out as a little whine now, and Josh so desperately wants to bring him to his climax himself. "That's it, baby boy, don't stop, ride it out," Josh encourages. "And lemme hear you, you sexy little bitch," he growls, and that seems to have done it. 

The noises Tyler makes are much, much too loud. There is absolutely no way that Brendon doesn't hear, Tyler almost squeals as he reaches his orgasm, huffing out these long, whining breaths and calling out Josh's name a few times, and God damn, is it hot. 

"Fuck, I love you," Josh groans out, still jerking off, as Tyler pants into the receiver, coming down from his high. 

"I love you too, Joshie bear," comes the breathless reply, and Josh grins, before he hears hammering on the bathroom door through the phone. "Oh shit!" Tyler breathes, then Brendon's voice, faint and muffled, shouts something to him. "I gotta go, I'm sorry, I love you."

And then the line is dead, leaving Josh painfully hard and painfully alone. Disappointed, he tugs his underwear and shorts back up, cursing Brendon as he resigns himself to finishing off later. He'll complete his practicing for now, he can worry about getting off when he goes to bed. At least, that's his plan, until his phone vibrates again. He takes it from his pocket to see that Tyler has sent some kind of photo attachment, and his heart rate spikes with excitement as he rushes to open it. 

After a moment of loading, the wait driving him to the brink of insanity, the picture finally shows up on his phone screen, and Josh's jaw drops as he takes it in. It shows Tyler, butt naked, in artsy black-and-white, sitting on the bathroom floor. Only the lower half of his face is in the picture, his bottom lip bitten between his teeth, and his cock is just out of frame. What he can see is Tyler's tattooed torso, in all its glory, covered in thick ropes of come. He audibly groans as he stares at the photo, his dick throbbing painfully at the sight of it, and he decides that drumming will just have to wait. 

His boy will almost certainly be the death of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't promise the next one will be out this quickly, in fact I can almost certainly promise it won't, but hey! Enjoy the close proximity of these two, anyway c; I hope you liked it!


	39. Reading

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More sin from the Queen of Badly Written Porn. I'm sorry, okay?! They're just two spicy boys...

It's Thursday night, and Tyler still can't sleep. He'd had the whole day off and had spent it working on the two essays he's due to turn in to his professor the next day. At least, he'd tried to. He had sat at his computer desk all day long, doing his best to focus on the task at hand, but it had been so difficult when Josh had been sending him cute texts in work all day, then even harder when Josh had invited him over for a few hours in the evening once he'd gotten home for work. 

Tyler had been so close to giving in, to ditching all of his responsibilities in favour of a little stolen time in his boyfriend's arms, but he had decided to be sensible and stay home to work on the two near dissertation length pieces of writing he still hadn't completed. How badly he regrets his decision, now that he's wasted away the last of his evening staring blankly at his laptop screen. An evening that could have been filled with cuddles and kisses and laughter, instead spent stressing out and worrying, getting almost nothing done in the end anyway. 

Josh had been perfectly understanding, even supporting Tyler's decision to dedicate himself to his studies. Of course he had. When had Josh ever been anything but supportive of Tyler? And in theory, it was a good idea. However, in practice, Tyler had only gotten himself more worked up, had only sunk himself deeper into the quagmire of doubt and misery that college is becoming, he only feels farther away from his conclusions, if anything. And now he can't sleep. Not that he doesn't want to, he _literally_ can't. If he doesn't want to flunk his class, he needs to turn in two separate ten thousand word minimum essays tomorrow. 

With a huge sigh, trying his best to ignore Brendon's snoring from the bed behind him, Tyler types a few key words into Google to find some convincing online passages he can reword. If he can't think up his own answers to his professor's questions, he'll just have to steal someone else's. It's something, right? He glances at the clock in the corner of his computer screen to see it's already gone 2am, and he sighs again. It doesn't look like he'll be getting any sleep at all tonight. 

*****

Tyler is still awake at six o'clock in the morning, with one essay complete and the other nearing its finale. It had been a long and arduous process, and that was with stealing work from the Internet to reword and pass off as his own. How on Earth do his fellow classmates do this with their own brains? How anyone could possibly open one of Shakespeare's works and actually understand what was being said is beyond him. 

His essay on The Tempest wasn't so bad, at least he only had one hateful play to deal with for that one, but the second essay was an absolute beast. He needed to compare and contrast all five of the plays he'd struggled through since his arrival, and that meant a _lot_ of googling. He can't believe it's only been three short months since he started studying Shakespeare. He's been at college such a short time, and already it feels as though he's spent half of his life here. He's gotten past the point of caring what he's writing now, the lack of sleep making his thoughts syrupy slow and fuzzy, black seeping in through the cracks in his brain and his vision going blurry. 

He completely half-asses the summary of his second essay, entirely self-aware of his nonsensical sentences as he rambles through the last few paragraphs of the piece. There is absolutely no way he is going to get a good grade on these papers, but with luck he might scrape a pass. It's better than not handing anything in at all. At least his professor can't flunk him for bad work, so long as he hands something in. Thank God these aren't counting towards his final grade, because Tyler would be royally screwed. He reminds himself that this first semester was described to them by Dr Hiles as something of a 'foundation crash course' at the beginning of the year. This was supposed to be the easy part. It could only be an uphill struggle from here, and that thought terrifies him. 

At least, at very long last, today was going to be his final absolution from Shakespeare. They're done with the English playwright now, they would be moving on to Arthur Miller next week. Tyler can only hope and pray that Miller's plays will be a little easier to understand and dissect. Despite being so close to finishing, Tyler takes another hour to finally wrap up his essay. He lets out an exhausted scream of a groan once he's added the final period to his work, rolling his chair back from the desk and waking Brendon up. 

"Woah, what?!" Brendon babbles, shooting up from his bed to sit, rubbing his eyes. "What happened? Is everything okay?"

"I AM OFFICIALLY DONE WITH WILLIAM MOTHER FUCKING SHAKESPEARE, THE BIGGEST SHIT EATING FUCKFACE KNOWN TO MAN FOR," Tyler pauses, counting on his fingers, "FIVE CENTURIES!"

Brendon bursts out laughing, raising his arms in a stretch with a yawn. "Yo, congrats, T-bag. He wasn't really all _that_ bad, though. Like, some of his stuff was-"

"NO! He was literally the fucking worst and I don't know if we can be friends anymore if you disagree," Tyler shouts, rolling back over to his computer to type up a quick email to his professor and send him the essays. It's easier than going to the library and paying to print them off. 

"Wow, this guy really brings out the badass in you, man," Brendon chuckles, and Tyler gives him the finger. 

"I am allowed to celebrate with swear words, fuck you, Brendon. PISS! SHIT! CUNT!" he shouts, grinning. The idea of never having to open another Shakespearian play has him ridiculously giddy, and Brendon laughs again. 

"Have you ever said the word 'cunt' before in your life?" Brendon asks with raised eyebrows. 

"Nope, and I'm never going to again, it's gross, but whatever! Let's go get coffee," he chirps, and Brendon smiles. 

"Yeah, okay, lemme get a shower and shit and we can head down to the cafeteria," Brendon offers, but Tyler shakes his head. 

"Nah, we're celebrating! And I have two hours before class starts, let's get a God damn Starbucks," he beams, and Brendon laughs at him. 

"Okay! Okay, sounds good."

*****

"I'm actually kind of surprised Debby isn't here," Tyler jokes as he takes a sip of the hideously sweet coffee in front of him. He'd much prefer his favourite spicy chai latte, but he needs the caffeine to make it through his class. "I literally haven't been in this place once without seeing her."

"I scared her off," Brendon snarls, pulling his best 'mean' face, and Tyler cackles. 

"You know, with the way you grabbed her and snapped at her, you probably did, buddy," he grins. 

"I'm not your buddy, guy," Brendon drawls, still pulling his face. 

"I'm not your guy, fren!"

"I'm not your friend, buddy!"

They go on like this for at least a couple of minutes, getting louder and louder, until they're getting passive aggressive stares from other patrons, and they finally cease their shouting, ending in a fit of giggles. Tyler feels so wonderful, and he doesn't even know why. The end of Shakespeare in class isn't really reason enough for the elation he's feeling. It's not like he isn't going to be diving right in to a new set of plays next week, the same droning mosquito buzz of his professor's voice, the same stuffy lecture hall, only this time all alone, no Brendon by his side. Then, Tyler realises exactly what's got him so hyped. 

It's Friday. It's the weekend. He's going to see Josh, spend proper time with him, the two of them alone together, for the first time in almost a week. He very nearly squeaks with excitement as he thinks of him. Of course that's the source of his joy, nothing makes him happy like Josh does. 

At the same time, he's also enjoying just spending time with his friend. He and Brendon have been drifting apart recently, the sheet ice of their friendship has been holding strong for so many years, but it's breaking up now, they're both going off on their own little icebergs, floating out to sea in separate directions. It's a terrifying thought that Tyler pushes to the back of his mind, where all his fear and doubt goes to fester, but for now they can enjoy the last little bit of their glacier being together before they melt and fall away from each other. 

"Love you, Beebo," he smiles out of nowhere, because he does. He really does. Underneath all his bitterness and jealousy, underneath all the times Brendon has been an asshole, Tyler loves him dearly, and he's going to miss him terribly. 

"Love you too, T-bag," Brendon smiles back at him. "For reals."

*****

Tyler drives them back to campus, watching Brendon skip off from their dorm room towards the music building to practice, because he has nothing else to do with his day. He gets to spend his day playing songs with his boyfriend, and Tyler has to face Dr Hiles on his own. All that giddy, bubbling happiness that had filled him up until it was overflowing from him has dissipates, and sharpish. He feels all the joy evaporate from his body as he enters the lecture hall, filled with faces he now realises he doesn't even fully recognise.

He thinks, he _thinks_ there's maybe a Michael at the desk behind him? He and Brendon had laughed to themselves as they overheard someone talking to him, and they could have sworn the person had called him 'Pichael', but who in their right mind would call their kid Pichael? And there was the kid that Brendon had affectionately referred to as Pizza Face, that sat in their row, at a safe distance. Three months, and Tyler hasn't socialised beyond Josh, anyone else having been introduced to him through his boyfriend or his best friend. He really ought to make more friends. 

Tyler tries to pay attention to whatever his professor is droning on about today, honest to God, he really does. For about ten minutes. But he hasn't slept, he is outright exhausted, and that voice is more effective than any lullaby known to mankind at putting a person to sleep. Hiles could make millions marketing his lectures on tape to exasperated parents with sleepless children. 

To fight off the waves of tiredness that crash over him, making his eyelids droop and his head loll forward in his shoulders, Tyler takes out his notebook and he writes. Completely neglecting his class work, he begins laying out the foundations of two songs that have been forming in his head over the past week. One is inspired by Josh, the other by his brother. The way he hears them in his head, both would be entirely worthless without Josh's drums, but one needs his brother's lyrics in order to become fully realised, and that may prove challenging. 

He intends for the song to be one of inspiration, of overcoming personal demons, but he doesn't mean for it to become just as personal as it does as he jots down lyrics and scribbles out notes. He lets himself be poured into the words as he drags his pen across the page, writing of his struggle to find his purpose. Because really, what on Earth is he doing with his life? Wasting away in a course he doesn't want to attend, lessons going in one ear and out the other, searching for his meaning in a place he knows he won't find it. 

He finds a little glimmer of that life source in his music, in playing songs and writing lyrics. If he can change just one person's outlook, improve a single person's life with the words he writes, well that's all the purpose he needs, is it not? He leaves the song a little cryptic, parts of it that only he, his brother, and maybe Josh, would understand. If there's something in it that needs to be explained, something that only he knows, well that's a reason for him to stick around, isn't it? If he is the only person with the knowledge, the only one who could share the truth with others, he couldn't possibly go anywhere. 

Something to stay alive for when hopelessness sets in. 

The time flies by as he loses himself in his lyricism, and soon the class is being dismissed. It's only lunch time, but Tyler is so tired that every action is sluggish, every movement laboured. Just before they are let out, the professor tells them they'll be starting work on Arthur Miller's 'All My Sons' next week, and that their essays will need to be in by Wednesday seeing as they have a long weekend at the end of next week, for Thanksgiving. Hiles suggests they get a head start on the play over the coming weekend, to grasp a base knowledge of the text, since they'll be speeding through it on Monday and Tuesday. 

Joy, Tyler thinks to himself; more rushed and half-assed work to look forward to. He thanks his lucky stars that, at very least, they're starting off with the one Miller play he's managed to acquire so far. He can worry about finding the others when the time comes. He ends up being last to leave the class as he slowly packs away his belongings, unable to get anything done with any kind of haste. He can feel Hiles' eyes boring into the back of his head as he fills his backpack and slings it over his shoulder, and he can't help but harbour resentment for the man. Sure, Brendon was a royal pain in the ass, but the professor had taken his friend away from him sooner than was necessary, and Tyler was the only one suffering any consequences. He gives him a glare for good measure as he leaves the classroom, however he suspects it looks more like a sleepy squint than anything else, and then he's trudging back to his dorm room. 

*****

Tyler wakes up, disoriented, to his phone buzzing with a call on his pillow beside him. He doesn't even remember passing out, but he's sprawled out on top of his sheets, still fully dressed down to the shoes on his feet. Without even checking the screen for caller ID, he answers the call and holds the phone to his ear. 

"Hullo?" he croaks out, mind still groggy with sleep. 

"Hey, baby boy. That's me outta work, if you'd kindly get your cute little butt over here so I can cuddle the shit out of you," comes Josh's voice through the phone, and Tyler springs up from the bed right away. 

"Jish! Sorry, I fell asleep, I was up all night with those stupid essays. Gimme, like, twenty minutes and I'll be right over," he huffs out, rushing to grab a clean set of clothes and kicking off his shoes. 

"Okay, twenty minutes, but I swear, make it twenty one and I'm hunting you down," Josh growls, and Tyler lets out a little giggle. 

"Promise!" he calls, resting the phone between his shoulder and his face as he tugs off his jeans. "Lemme just get a shower, I'll see you soon."

After quick 'I love you's and a hurried goodbye, Tyler takes a remarkably fast shower and tugs on fresh clothes before stuffing his feet into the floral vans under his bed, and then he's scurrying out the door with his backpack, hoping that anything he may need is already in there. As he's running down the stairwell of his dorm building, he feels his phone buzz in his pocket and pulls it out to see a text from Josh on his screen. 

Josh: **Yo t-dawg will you help me dye my hair this weekend? I wanna go back to red for dem xmassy feelz, ya feel?**

He giggles at the text as he stuffs his cell back into the pocket of the hoody he's wearing, stolen from his boyfriend, of course. He realises that he's missed Josh's red hair a little. As much as he loves it pink, red suited him to a T. Excitement coursing through his veins at the prospect of creating a red haired Josh once more, Tyler picks up his pace as he races down the steps. 

The short drive to Josh's apartment is silent in Tyler's radioless car, and he finds himself singing one of the songs he'd been working on in class that day. The one for Josh. He has only a vague tune laid out for it and it isn't even lyrically complete yet, but he already loves it. He seems to like his songs best when they have his boyfriend as a muse, and he decides he needs to use that to his advantage more often. He can't wait to get a recording with Josh's drums, to hear the finished product. 

As he pulls up outside the familiar, old brick apartment building, he catches sight of Josh sitting on the steps once again, awaiting his arrival with anticipation. Tyler grins huge as he mounts the curb and shuts off the engine, Josh getting to his feet with a smile. He's wearing the baggy, white tank top that declares him Tyler's, arms bare in the biting November cold, and he looks so beautiful it's enough to make Tyler's stomach erupt in butterflies at the sight of him alone. 

"Just a second," Tyler calls as he gets out of the car, making sure every door is locked, double and triple checking, before turning the key in his own. "Okay, hi!"

"You have exactly," Josh pauses his approach, checking the time on his phone, "one minute to spare. You're lucky this time, Joseph."

Tyler giggles as he throws his arms around Josh's shoulders and pulls him in for a long, deep kiss, burying his hands in the unruly, faded pink curls on his head. "Oh my gosh, I have missed you so bad," he breathes as they finally pull away from one another. 

"I've missed you too, baby," Josh smiles at him, pressing a kiss to Tyler's forehead before taking his hand in his own and leading him up the front steps of the building. "How's your day been?"

Tyler huffs out a sigh as Josh holds the door open for him, then they make their way across the lobby to press the call button for the elevator. "I dunno, I've been in this, like, zombie state from no sleep. I'm writing a couple more songs that desperately need your drums, though," he adds, and Josh grins. "English class sucks without Brendon. But English class sucked with Brendon, anyway."

Josh gives his hand a little squeeze as the metal door in front of them slides open, and he leads Tyler inside. "You'll be okay, Ty," he promises, although Tyler remains unconvinced. He raises an eyebrow as he sees Josh press a button, not for the usual fifth floor, but for the highest floor of the building. 

"Where are we going?" he asks, and Josh smirks, that little smile he gets when he's up to something. The one that drives Tyler crazy. 

"You'll see," he hums, and Tyler lets out a frustrated little whine. "Gosh, you're always so impatient!" Josh laughs as the lift jerks into motion. "It'll be worth the, like, twenty seconds of anticipation, calm down."

He's grinning with his tongue between his teeth as Tyler shoves him playfully, and a few moments later their ride is coming to a shuddering halt, doors sliding open in front of them. 

"This way," Josh smiles, tugging him along by the hand he's still grasping tightly. 

He leads Tyler down a long hallway lined with numbered doors either side, and Tyler wonders if maybe Josh is taking him to meet a friend. He's never talked about anyone he shares the building with, and it makes Tyler a little nervous, however they keep walking past every apartment door until Josh comes to a stop outside a heavy, metal fire door with a warning emblazoned on it in all capital letters, " **WARNING: THIS DOOR IS ALARMED**."

"What startled it?" Tyler asks with a sly smile, and Josh scoffs. 

"Your dad jokes are painful, I swear to God," he groans with a chuckle, and Tyler looks proud of himself. 

He goes to shout out a protest as Josh reaches out and pushes the bar across the door, throwing it open, but no alarm bells ring, no siren wails, and he lets himself be led out onto the roof of the building.

"They were bluffing?" Tyler asks, a little surprised, as Josh pushes a stone sitting by the door with his foot to wedge it open. 

"Yeah. Most people tend to take whatever signs tell them as gospel, but a lot of 'em are lies. Challenge everything in life, Ty," he grins, and Tyler smiles at him. Josh has the wisdom of an old man, sometimes. 

Tyler tears his eyes from Josh's beaming smile to look around, and a little gasp escapes him as he lets go of Josh's hand and rushes over to the edge of the building. They've come out onto a patio of sorts, a raised wall all around the outskirts of the space, grey cement the only material used in the construction. There's nothing but some old, rusted garden furniture and a few sad looking potted plants around them, but it isn't the decor that makes the setting incredible. 

Despite it being only 5:30 in the evening, darkness has set in thick and fast, and below them in all directions is a sprawling view of Athens city at night. Streetlights and car headlamps line the roads and dot across the scene below, jetting out in all directions. The trees of their forest in the distance sway in the breeze, far enough away to appear only as a mass of black silhouettes, a dark carpet laid out around the edge of the town, rustling in perpetual motion. It reminds Tyler of the view they had the night of the carnival, right when Josh asked him to be his boyfriend, and his heart soars. 

Josh's arms snake around his waist from behind and he feels his body, as hot as it always is, pressing up against him. He turns his head to look at Josh and is met with lips being pressed into his, and he is so, so happy. Another moment with Josh that he desperately wants to hold close, keep frozen, stay in forever. But of course, it's as fleeting as any other. Josh pulls away from the kiss with a smile as Tyler draws in a deep breath and lets out a contented sigh. 

"Why have you never brought me up here before?!" he asks, a little annoyed that it's taken three months for him to find out such a wonderful place was right above them this whole time. "It's incredible..." 

"I'm usually too preoccupied by the gorgeous boy in my apartment to think of coming up here," Josh smiles, and Tyler giggles. 

"What, I'm not pretty enough today?" he teases, and Josh squeezes him tighter. 

"Nah, you're prettier than ever, Ty. Just, having to spend a whole week without you made me wanna throw myself off a roof, and then I remembered about up here, and I thought I should show you," he chuckles, and Tyler turns in his arms with an impressed looking grin on his face. 

"Dude, _smooth_ recovery!" he laughs, and Josh looks pleased as he leans in to capture Tyler's lips with his own. They kiss for what feels like an eternity, slow and impassioned and filled with feeling. Tyler's fingers card through Josh's hair, rest on his shoulders, slip into the gaping arm holes of his shirt to graze down his back. "I love you so much," he mutters against Josh's lips as they pause their kiss to take deep breaths. 

"I love you too, Ty," Josh replies, nudging his lips against Tyler's again, then pressing their foreheads together. "Hey, I just got a fresh bag today if you're up for a smoke?"

He reaches up to pull a joint Tyler hadn't spotted from behind his ear with a crooked smile, and Tyler lets out a little giggle. "Sounds good, Jishwa!" he calls, pulling himself out of Josh's arms and then suddenly jumping up to stand on the wall around the perimeter of the roof with all the grace of a leaping gazelle. 

Josh lets out a little gasp, a look of concern taking over his face. "Please be careful," he implores, heaving himself up to sit on the wall, dangling his legs over the side. With a little smile, Tyler drops down to sit beside him, Josh looking uneasy at his sudden movements. "More careful than that!"

"Stop worrying so much," Tyler laughs, leaning sideways to press himself against Josh's body. He's still roasting hot, as always, feeling like an electric blanket as he throws an arm around Tyler's shoulders to pull him closer still. "I've been climbing since I could walk, I'll be okay."

Josh doesn't look at all satisfied with the response, but nor does he push the issue any further, pulling a lighter out of his pocket and placing the joint between his lips to light it. Tyler swings his legs back and forth as he gazes down at the ground twenty storeys below them. It should be enough to make him dizzy, but he's never had an issue with heights. 

Josh blows out a huge cloud of smoke that hangs over the streets below them before dissipating in the air, and Tyler leans forward as far as he can to watch cars driving by on the streets under his feet. Being up high has always brought a sort of serenity to Tyler. Climbing has always been a defence mechanism to him, scaling trees in the park or the roof of his house was a childhood favourite when he got into a particularly low mood, and having a huge drop below him still brings that wonderful calm with it; the higher up he is the further away his problems are. He feels Josh's grip on his shoulders tighten as he moves, and he brings himself back to lean against him with a smile. 

"I promise I won't fall," he grins, but Josh still has a worried expression on his face, so he gives in and sits still. "It's really beautiful up here," he gushes, and Josh nods with a smile. "We should try getting on top of the dorm building some time. I'm sure we could find a way."

"If anyone can find a way, it's you," Josh agrees, passing him the joint, and Tyler beams at him as he takes it. Even in his stupidity, Josh is nothing but supportive. 

*****

"I think we can skip the whole bleaching process," Josh tells Tyler, handing him a box of red hair dye from his bathroom cabinet then moving to sit on the closed lid of his toilet seat. "It's still pretty light from last time. My roots might end up a little darker than the rest of it, but whatever."

"If you say so," Tyler mumbles, opening the box to pull out and put on the gloves inside. "If it ends up totally jacked up, I assume zero responsibility."

"Deal," Josh grins with a wink. "But I trust you, Ty."

Tyler can't help the little smile that creeps across his lips at Josh's words, as he pulls out the contents of the box. "We'll find out whether or not that's a good decision in T minus thirty minutes," he giggles.

He sets about adding a tube of colouring to a bottle with some kind of cream in it. It's a different process to the one they used to dye Josh's hair pink, and it worries Tyler a little. Josh takes a lot of pride in his brightly coloured hair, and he doesn't want to be the one to blame for messing it up. With very little confidence in what he's doing, Tyler starts shaking up the mixture in the bottle, then upends it to squirt a generous amount right on top of Josh's head and massage it in. 

Josh lets out this gorgeous moan as Tyler's fingertips drag across his scalp, and he makes sure to exaggerate his movements, slow and deliberate, as he adds more of the dye. Josh has his head tilted back and his eyes closed as he leans into Tyler's hands, just as he had the first time they'd dyed his hair, when Tyler was washing it out over the sink in Hayley's dorm room. It makes Tyler grin, thinking of how far they've come, of how desperately he had wanted to kiss the exposed skin of Josh's neck that night, and now he can call Josh his. 

For nostalgia's sake, and for the sake of the Tyler in the past who didn't have the nerve to, he pauses his scalp massage to lean down and pepper a few kisses across the skin of Josh's neck. He's still burning hot, even though his tank top has been taken off and he sits on the toilet seat in nothing but a pair of basketball shorts. Josh lets out another little groan and tilts his head to the side to give Tyler more room to work with. Holding his gloved hands out to avoid covering either of them in dye, Tyler starts nibbling and nipping at the skin right at the join of Josh's neck and shoulder, burying his face in his nape and being overcome by the smell of cologne and that alluring scent Josh seems to naturally exude. 

Josh lets out another groan as Tyler kisses and bites along his collarbone and he realises he's getting distracted from the task at hand, straightening up as he clears his throat and grabs the bottle of hair dye back from the sink. "Ahem, sorry about that. Like you said earlier, getting distracted by a gorgeous boy."

Josh lets out a gentle laugh as he opens his eyes and straightens his neck again. "Hey, I'm not complaining," he smirks as Tyler squirts more of the bottled concoction into his palm and splats it down on Josh's head. 

**-**

Tyler bites his tongue between his teeth, the pink tip of it poking out between his lips, as he focuses himself entirely on spreading hair dye evenly through Josh's hair. It seems downright unfair, how any one person can be so painfully adorable all the damn time. No matter what he's doing, where he's going or how he's feeling, Tyler just seems to have this quality, Josh can't quite put his finger on it, that makes him the sweetest, cutest, most huggable thing. He always has this air of vulnerability, of innocence, something about him just makes Josh want to wrap his arms around him and protect him from the world. 

"How's it looking?" Josh grins up at him, pulling Tyler from his deep concentration as he meets Josh's gaze. 

"Uhhhmm," Tyler hums, looking a little anxious. "Bright orange, honestly," he admits, pulling a face, and Josh laughs. 

"Hey, kiddo, don't sweat it!" he grins, putting a hand on Tyler's hip and squeezing gently. "If it turns out jacked up, it's just hair. I could always dye it back to brown and make my mom love me again." 

Tyler laughs heartily, his big, "ha ha ha!", a sound that Josh loves to hear. "You know, I'd like to see you with brown hair again. Don't get me wrong, I love it red. Or pink. Or any other colour you want! But the first time you ever took my breath away, you had brown hair. Our first sort-of-date, you had brown hair. I like you with your natural hair."

Josh beams at him, leaning forward to lift the hem of the baggy tank top he's wearing and press a kiss to the skin of his hip, and he swears he can feel Tyler shudder a little. "I'll bear that in mind, baby boy," he smiles against his skin, then pulls back again to see he's left a big, orange splotch on the white tank top he's wearing. 

"Whoops, sorry," he smiles, and Tyler looks down to see what he's done, then scowls and playfully shoves Josh. 

"Jerk! You owe me a new shirt," he complains. 

"Excuse me! You stole that one from me," Josh laughs, eyebrows raised, and Tyler giggles, looking guilty. 

"Oops, I forgot. Well hey. You can have your shirt back if you want," he offers, and Josh shoves him back with a grin. 

After a few more squirts and applications, Josh's hair is well and truly saturated with dye and the bottle has run dry. During the process, the first few areas that have been loaded with the colourant have started to develop, and the stuff Tyler has accidentally gotten on Josh's forehead has started to transform into a brilliant, blood red. 

"Welp, it's definitely going red," Tyler smirks, ripping off a sheet of toilet paper to wipe the excess from his skin before it stains. "It's gonna look sick."

"Of course it will! You did it," Josh beams as Tyler peels off the dye covered gloves on his hands and stuffs them into the empty dye kit box. 

"You're so cheesy," Tyler complains, but he's grinning, and Josh stands up to press a kiss to his forehead.

"Only for you," he grins, taking Tyler's hand and leading him out of the bathroom, towards the living room, making him giggle. 

Tyler sets an alarm on his phone to alert them of when the time comes for Josh to rinse the dye out, while Josh throws himself down on the couch to turn the TV on and start an episode of X-Files. 

"Here is a fact," Josh states about fifteen minutes into the episode, Mulder smouldering dramatically on screen as she talks about some alien race. "Area Fifty One is a cover up location for where they keep all of the real aliens - Area Fifty Dun."

Tyler cackles, that same belly laugh that makes Josh buzz, and he grins as he says, "You are an alien, Josh. You're totally out of this world!"

Josh laughs so hard he wheezes, nudging his shoulder against Tyler's. "And you call _me_ cheesy?!"

"Only for you," Tyler echoes with a wink, and Josh bursts out laughing again. 

"It better be. You could make anybody swoon," he coos, leaning over to peck a kiss to Tyler's cheek. 

For the next quarter hour, they cuddle on the couch and occasionally chatter about life outside their planet, Josh sat in the corner of the couch cushion and the arm of the sofa, Tyler curled into his side with his head on his chest and Josh's arm draped around him. Right at the crux of the episode, when the action is kicking in, Tyler's phone alarm buzzes on the couch beside them, tearing them from the show. 

"Time's up, Jishwa!" Tyler calls, springing up from his chest and sitting straight. "You gotta go wash it out."

With a sigh and a stretch, Josh pushes himself up from his seat, then turns and holds his hands out to Tyler, who takes them with a curious eyebrow raised and allows Josh to pull him to his feet. 

"Where're we-" Tyler starts, questioning, but Josh cuts him off with a crashing kiss, lips mashing together and capturing the little moan of surprise Tyler lets out. Josh cuts their kiss off prematurely, keeping hold of one of Tyler's hands and leading him back into the bathroom. 

As soon as they enter the room, Josh leaves go of Tyler's hand to turn the shower on and let the water heat up, then walks back over to him to tug his shirt off over his head. Tyler raises his arms to let Josh undress him and throw the stained shirt into the laundry basket in the corner of the room, but he still has a puzzled expression on his face. Josh smirks at him, eyes flicking down to take in his torso, his tattoos, the ribs prominent under his skin and arms that get skinnier after the elbow, every part of him precious and beautiful. 

"Whatcha doin'?" Tyler asks, still with that cute little confused look, and Josh grins as he grabs him roughly by the hips and yanks him forward to whisper in his ear. 

"Well, you drove me absolutely frickin' _crazy_ on Wednesday night," he growls, seeing a smile grow on Tyler's lips as he looks down at the floor. "So I'm gonna make good on my promises."

Tyler takes in a sharp breath, glancing into Josh's eyes with blown pupils before burying a hand in his dye slick hair and pulling him in for a kiss, tongue pressing into Josh's mouth right away. His hands move to the waistband of Tyler's jeans as they kiss, undoing the buttons and yanking them down his thighs. Their mouths part as Tyler does an awkward, shuffling little dance to step his jeans off his legs, and Josh shoves his shorts down to his ankles, stepping out of them while he waits, then they're both standing staring at one another in their underwear. 

Tyler is the one to move first, and he shoves Josh up against the wall to nip and bite at his neck again, sucking a hickey into the skin of his collarbone to match the now faded purple mark Josh had given him the previous Saturday, his hand spreading hair dye in streaking fingermark tracks down Josh's stomach and across his chest. Josh rolls his hips forward and Tyler moans into the crook of his neck as he grinds back into him, this tortured little sound that makes Josh's cock twitch. He moves his hands to grip Tyler by the hips as he starts bucking into him, pulling him into his movements. 

Tyler is huffing for breath between high pitched little noises as Josh pushes him back, yanking down his own underwear and stepping into the hot stream of water pounding down from the shower head. "C'mon," he beckons with a hand, and Tyler steps in after him, removing his boxers as he walks across the floor. 

Josh ducks his head back into the pelting water, the runoff glistening bright red like blood as it swirls down the drain, tracks of it bleeding down his face, his chest, his arms. Tyler shivers a little, standing on the sidelines, until Josh reaches out for his hand and yanks him over to stand under the water with him, subsequently covering him in the red water as their bodies press together. 

Their mouths connect in a flurry of bitten lips and clashing tongues as the water beats down on them from above, hair dye everywhere as Tyler's hands bury themselves in Josh's hair, tugging and pulling. He's letting out a plethora of breathy little noises; they pour from his mouth every few seconds as he takes a breath, then huffs his pretty sounds out into Josh's mouth. 

Josh breaks away from their kisses for just a moment, leaning back into the hot spray to wash out what he can of the dye before Tyler is moaning out and grabbing him by the hips to pull him back into his body. Josh gives up his efforts to rinse his hair, crashing their lips together again, their tongues dancing together in the way they're so accustomed to by now. 

Then, suddenly, Josh is lifting him off his feet to press him up against the wall of the shower, Tyler wrapping his legs tightly around his waist as his arms are pinned to the wall above him by his wrists. Tyler starts grinding his hips down into Josh right away, throwing his head back against the wall to let out a loud, longing moan. Josh takes the opportunity to bite at his neck as he bucks his hips up into Tyler's grinding ass, earning him more desperate moans. 

"Please, Joshie, please," he croaks out, his routine chant any time they're touching. "I need it, please."

Josh can't help the quiet groan that escapes him as he rolls his hips into Tyler, lust clouding his thoughts as Tyler's grinding turns into bouncing, even pinned to the wall. "Fuck, baby, you have no idea how bad I want you."

It's true, he hasn't been able to get his mind off of taking Tyler up against the wall since their phone call a few evenings ago, he's spent so long staring at that picture that he could draw it from memory at this point. Tyler lets out more of his singing moans, hips still gyrating ceaselessly, wriggling and writhing from his spot pressed up against the wall. 

Josh grabs both of Tyler's wrists in one hand, making sure to keep his grip tight and not let his struggling arms break free, using his other hand to position himself until he's just pressing against Tyler's ass, then he brings his hand up again to take a wrist back. He presses the head of his cock between Tyler's cheeks and, quivering all over, Tyler lets out this painfully gorgeous whine, eyes pleading as he bites his lip and bucks his hips. Josh tries to push in further, but the muscle he's pressed against is so tight, the legs around his waist squeezing so hard, that he can't fit. 

"You've gotta let me in, baby boy," Josh groans out, pecking a gentle kiss to Tyler's forehead, then pressing his own forehead against it. He stills the movement of his hips, allowing Tyler to take a deep, shaky breath and attempt to relax his muscles, the legs around his waist loosening their grip slightly. 

"Please," Tyler whispers, sounding destroyed as his wrists twist in Josh's grip and his eyes slide shut. "Please, give it to me, Josh."

With a groan, Josh bucks his hips again, and this time he manages to force his way in with a popping sound that has both of them yelling out. Tyler is painfully tight, gripping around the head of Josh's cock so firmly it's starting to push him back out, and he shoves himself forward, a few more inches ramming in as Tyler squeals, lower lip bitten so hard it's turning white and his legs regaining their vicelike grip. 

"Is this okay?" Josh asks, pressing a kiss to his forehead, and Tyler can't even get the words out, a moan that tails off in a high pitch with a crack in the middle the only noise that escapes when he opens his mouth, so he just nods, bouncing himself down to swallow a little more of Josh's rock hard cock and making him cry out. 

"Fuuuck, good boy," he groans, pressing their mouths together to catch Tyler's bottom lip between his teeth and pull it away from him. "Now, you've gotta tell me to stop if you need me to, okay? Because I believe I told you I was gonna have you fucked raw, your g-spot sore, sitting funny for days," he growls, biting down on the skin of Tyler's neck as he bucks his hips again, forcing himself in a little farther. 

Tyler lets out a tortured squeal, throwing his head back against the wall of the shower, red painted in streaks across his face and neck, stained water trickling down his chest. Josh can only imagine what he looks like, red bleeding from his head and running in trails all down his body. Tyler takes in a huge gasp of air before moaning out, "Yes, Josh, I promise. Please, please, give it to me. _Hurt me_."

The words are so familiar now, and Tyler has turned them into one of Josh's favourite sentences. He was never much for rough sex before Tyler came along; sweet, innocent little virgin Tyler. And now, the mere mention of causing his boy pain has him throbbing, the idea of having him sore for days afterward giving him a surge of adrenaline that burns to be manifested in bucking hips and grabbing hands. 

Josh lets out a snarl as he bucks his hips up harshly, burying himself to the hilt in Tyler's painfully tight heat, watching as tears form in the corner of his eyes. "Good boy," Josh repeats, pulling Tyler's bottom lip into his mouth again as he draws himself all the way out and forces back in. 

Without preparation or lubrication, it's as though Tyler's muscles are pushing Josh out as he pulls away, and he really has to ram his hips up violently to shove his full length back in again. Tyler is making shrieking noises that sound more pained than pleasureful, and in a fucked up way that turns Josh on even more. He makes sure his next thrust is even harder, slamming Tyler back into the wall as he pounds himself into him, and on that thrust he knows he's found Tyler's prostate, because he's yelling out Josh's name and grinding a circle down into him. 

And then Josh lets the adrenaline rush take over. He pins Tyler's wrists down hard, sure he'll cause bruising, as he fucks him into the wall as forcefully as he can. His bucking hips are relentless, hard and fast, pounding in a rhythm so fast Tyler doesn't even have time for real moans, all he can get out are these quick, sharp cries as his g-spot is abused. Josh throbs inside him, the tightness gripping around his length and not getting any less intense, although the precome already leaking from the head of Josh's cock has him slick and easier to push in to. 

Josh switches up his pace to roll his hips up in slow, steady grinds that move Tyler up and down against the slippery shower wall, just so that he can hear some of his gorgeous, drawn out moans. Tyler doesn't disappoint, his voice cracking on every single whine and groan, letting out the occasional scream of Josh's name, so loud everyone in the building is bound to hear. Josh leans back a little, moving from pressing Tyler back into the wall hard to let him have a little room, and he uses it to bounce and buck and grind on Josh's cock, stunning sounds tumbling from his lips. 

"Fuck yes, good boy," Josh cries out as Tyler picks up a surprisingly quick rhythm, bouncing himself up and down on Josh's dick and throwing his whole body weight into it with every downwards thrust. Josh jerks his hips up to meet every movement, but Tyler puts in most of the effort, his moans becoming borderline pornographic as he pauses to grind in circles, grating Josh's head over his g-spot, massaging it, digging in as hard as he can. Josh gives his hips a particularly rough jerk upwards and it makes him truly scream, and then he starts babbling. 

"Please Josh, please, harder, faster, fuck me up, please," spills from him all in one breath and Josh's jaw almost drops from the crashing wave of arousal that engulfs him. A throb running through his entire body, he pins Tyler back against the wall, throwing him back roughly enough to have him huffing all the air of his lungs out in one go, and he puts every ounce of energy and adrenaline he has left into moving his hips like a piston. Tyler isn't even letting out moans at this point, it's just one long, sensationally loud scream that bounces in his vocal chords with every thrust. 

Josh takes both of Tyler's wrists in one hand again, the other moving down to wrap around his throat and squeeze, a choked up sound coming from him as his eyes roll back in his head, and Josh keeps up his relentless rhythm. "You like that, baby boy?" he snarls, hips aching from thrashing against Tyler's bones so hard, where he's certain to have left angry, purple bruises. Tyler tries to squeal out his response but it gets caught in his throat under Josh's gripping hand. He loosens it enough to let Tyler take in a gasping breath, and then he's reciting his chant again. 

"Fuck yes, please, Josh, you feel so good," he whines out, sentences punctuated by cracked, ruined, squealing moans as his g-spot is rammed into hard and fast, over and over. 

Josh presses his head right up against Tyler's, cheeks smushed together, and then he nibbles at Tyler's earlobe, letting out a harsh whisper. "What are you, baby boy?"

Tyler lets out a loud scream, and whines out, "I'm your k-ah! Fuck, Josh, I'm your kinky little slut," and the words give Josh whatever it was he needed to somehow pick up his pace and gather more force behind his thrusts, until he's hurting himself in the process, but he doesn't stop. 

"You're God damn right," he growls out, biting at Tyler's neck, and then his asshole is so tight around his cock that he yells out Tyler's name, then they're both tumbling over the cliff together, orgasms so intertwined that neither of them know where one ends and the other begins. Josh's vision honest to God blacks out for just a second, and then little white spots of light swirl behind his eyelids. 

He's seeing stars. 

He lets out a loud groan as Tyler rides out his climax, then they're both gasping for breath, pressed up against the shower wall. Josh has his forehead pressed to Tyler's, and he pecks a few kisses to his lips and cheeks before slowly withdrawing himself and letting Tyler's legs back down. 

"Holy fuck," Josh breathes, and Tyler grins at him. "That was fantastic. You're amazing. Good boy."

Tyler kisses him briefly, pulling Josh's lower lip into his mouth, before pushing him back under the direct stream of water and running his hands through Josh's hair, rinsing out what's left of the dye in his hair. 

They spend a few minutes washing one another, trying their best to get rid of the red stains that cover both of them, but Tyler's hands are stained to the point that he looks as though he's just killed a man, and he has streaks of red on his cheeks that won't come off. They laugh as they scrub at each other, eventually giving up once it's gotten as good as it's going to get, then Josh shuts off the water, stepping out of the shower to grab them a towel each. 

He catches sight of himself in the bathroom mirror and chuckles, red tracks running down his face in numbers, making it look like he's bleeding from the head. "Wow, this is a good look for me," he laughs, throwing Tyler a towel. 

"Well, at least your hair looks good," Tyler grins back at him, towelling himself off. "Hey, can I borrow another shirt?"

"I swear to God, I'm not gonna have any clothes left if you have anything to do with it," Josh grins, wrapping a towel low around his hips and stalking off to his bedroom to get them some clothes. Honestly, with how adorable Tyler looks in his clothes, he doesn't really mind. 

**-**

"Hey, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?" Tyler asks, looking up at Josh from his chest. They're lying stretched out on Josh's bed, watching cartoons on his laptop by the glow of a string of fairy lights hung around his headboard. 

"I dunno. Going home I guess, why, aren't you?" Josh replies, looking down at him. 

"Nah, told my mom I had too much schoolwork to come stay. Really, I just can't handle three visits home in the space of a couple of weeks, I've gotta go back down for my birthday next week," Tyler sighs. He'd much prefer spending his birthday lazing around with Josh. 

"I'll stay with you for Thanksgiving," Josh smiles. "We can go turkey free! But does that mean I won't get to see you on your birfday?"

Tyler beams at him, wrapping his arms around his waist and squeezing tight. "Thanks, Jishwa. Hey, I tell ya what, I have the car now so I can kind of leave whenever I want. I'll make sure I'm back before 12am so I can see you on my birfday, okay? And by that point my mom'll know about you, so I can tell her I've gotta get back to my boyfren," he tells him. His heart pounds so hard and fast it feels as though he might be going into cardiac arrest, just at the thought of coming out to his mother. He tries not to let it show, but his palms are sweating and his chest is constricting and he can't pull a deep breath into his lungs. He feels suffocated. And that's just at the mere mention, how on Earth will he make it through the real deal?

"Only if you're ready, Ty," Josh hushes, stroking a hand through Tyler's hair as he lays his head back down on his chest, trying to catch his breath. He isn't ready, not at all. 

"It's something I've got to do. I just need to. It's time," he sighs, stomach churning. Rather than dealing with his fears, Tyler shoves the thoughts to the back of his mind to be brought back up later, the only way he knows how. "Thanks for staying with me for TG, though. Really. I appreciate it. I'm really looking forward to it," he smiles back up at Josh. 

"Of course! You're the thing I'm most thankful for, anyway," Josh beams, and Tyler bursts out laughing. 

"Oh my God, you're so cheeeeeesy," he cackles, and Josh keeps grinning. "But me too."

He feels a kiss being pecked to the top of his head, and they go back to watching their show for a little while, until the episode is ending and Josh is yawning and stretching. Tyler looks up to see him rubbing at his tired eyes with the heels of his palms before looking back down at him with a little smile.

"You have the prettiest eyes," Tyler muses as he stares up at him from his chest. "They aren't like anybody else's."

"Thank you," Josh grins, eyes creasing at the corners. "My great, great-grandpa or something lived in Japan and married a Japanese woman, and she's responsible for my eyes."

"I had no idea, that's awesome!" Tyler exclaims. "My great, great-grandpa or something was Lebanese. There was this one time had to stand up and tell the class in elementary school, but I accidentally told them all I was lesbian instead."

Josh bursts out laughing, a wheezy giggle, the kind that's both high and low pitched, and his face scrunches up as he laughs. "That is outstanding. Well, the doctors told my mom I was gonna be a girl, so my bedroom was bright pink for the first couple years of my life. I left the hospital dressed all in pink because everything they'd bought was for a little girl."

Tyler grins at this, nuzzling himself into Josh's side. "Maybe that's why you dye your hair pink and wear make up," he muses and Josh chuckles.

"Nah, that's just cause I'm a weirdo," he laughs, and Tyler joins in. 

"Well, yeah, I can't debate that. But you're my weirdo," he smiles, and Josh squeezes his arms around Tyler, holding him tight. 

*****

Tyler still can't sleep. It makes no sense, he had only gotten about four hours sleep from his nap earlier and he'd been awake all night before that. He's exhausted, and he's with Josh, the one thing that's certain to have him sleeping soundly without fail every single night. He's been lying in silence, trying to drift off for over an hour now, and at first it hadn't bothered him. Getting to lie in Josh's arms and listen to his deep breathing behind him had been more than welcome, warmth engulfing him and hands splayed on his stomach. However, the longer Tyler lies there trying to sleep, the warmer, the more restless, the more uncomfortable, the more awake he gets. 

Eventually, he makes the decision to do something to take his mind off of trying to sleep, because the harder he tries the more elusive it becomes. He keeps every movement and shuffle careful and calculated as he slowly untangles himself from Josh's arms and legs and he leans across the bed to the floor, to dig around for his notebook. He may as well work on the lyrics for Josh's song, and get something done while sleep evades him. He grabs the book blindly from inside his backpack, switches Josh's fairy lights back on and sits down again before realised it isn't his notebook he's grabbed from his book bag, it's the dog-eared copy of All My Sons that he and Brendon had bought from the campus bookstore all those weeks ago. 

With a shrug, Tyler settles down and opens the book. Dr Hiles had suggested they get to grips with the basic plot before class on Monday. He might as well use his sleeplessness for actual work he's been set for college, seeing as he spent his class time on lyrics, and he starts to read while Josh snuffles in his sleep beside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, I'm sorry about the wait between chapters, and as always thank each and every single one of you for your continued support, your patience, and all of your amazing comments. Love you, frens. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it ❤️


	40. Deciding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so the standard, "I am so sorry this took so long, I am so sorry so little time passed," etc. I didn't get as far as I wanted to and it's not so long that I couldn't have added more, I just didn't want to keep you guys waiting any longer. 
> 
> Thanksgiving is gonna have to wait until the next chapter, I'm really sorry about that, but I'll make it so cute I swear. I really hope you enjoy this, frens, even though it's not that good. 
> 
> Thank you all, I love you all, you're all my favourite.

Arthur Miller is nothing like Shakespeare. It seems unfair to Tyler even to compare the two, the differences between their work are so stark. From the second or third page of the book, he's sucked in. It doesn't take much for him to be relating heavily to the characters, to be invested in their stories, turning each and every page while he tells himself, "Just one more." The plot draws him in and keeps him reading until it gets to be so late, it starts becoming early. 

He hasn't even given a thought to the time, so lost in the text, until Josh is stirring beside him and he lifts his boyfriend's phone from the bedside table to check the time on the screen. It's almost five in the morning, and he actually gasps, he's so shocked. He really needs to get to sleep. Josh only has one day off over the weekend, he's back to work on Sunday, and Tyler should be well rested in order to enjoy the fleeting time they have together before their next separation. But he's so close to the end...

He winds up giving in to his yearning curiosity to find out what transpires in the final act of the play, and continues to read. The play takes place over the space of a day in the life of a father named Joe. He has a job manufacturing airplane parts for planes during World War II, and the story centres around a difficult decision he was faced with. Some of the parts the company made were faulty, and he decides to send them out knowing of their poor quality. His decision is made based on many factors, namely having to support his family, upkeep his business and maintain a good name. As a direct result of his decision, twenty one pilots die, including his son. 

With a feeling of hopelessness, Tyler reads on to find out that, due to his guilt and his family's reactions to knowing the truth, among other reasons, the main character commits suicide at the end of the play. He closes the book once he's reached its climax and just sits in the aftermath, his mind racing. It's the first time anything from his English class has resonated with him since Dr Hiles talked about 'catharsis'.

Tyler can relate the main character's dilemma to so many different issues in his life, past and present. The turmoil, the stress, the constant barrage of thoughts and clawing guilt, all of it seems so personal to his life, his story, it fits into his narrative seamlessly. It makes him think about what is inherently 'right' in life, and what is 'wrong'. Doing what is right does not always mean doing what is easy, and there are times when doing the right thing can seem like the most unpleasant route to take, but there are always consequences to the wrong choice. 

It dredges up thoughts of all the things he's doing himself that could equate to 'sending out the parts'. Joe Keller had sent out those engines, even though he knew they were damaged, for the sake of his family. A lot like how Tyler is attending a college course, even though it makes him so incredibly unhappy, for the sake of his parents. Twenty one pilots had died because of Keller's choice. What was Tyler killing with his? A possible future playing music, the one thing he wanted most? 

He still hasn't told his mother about his sexuality either, or about Josh. In a way, he's sending out faulty plane parts there, too. Except, the only person getting hurt is himself. With more determination than ever now, Tyler resigns himself to telling her on his Birthday. His doubts and his fear swirl in a vortex inside his brain, but he steels himself against them. He is her son, and she loves him, Tyler knows that doubtlessly. He also knows that is mother is incredibly caring, to the point that she babies him. He has seen her angry in the past, his upbringing was pretty strict in some respects, and the woman can work her kids like slaves when it comes to basketball, but she is loving and caring and she's his _mother_.

She won't get angry at him for telling her who he is. She won't, he argues with the voice in his head, she won't, she won't, she won't. But what if she does? What if his mother ends up disgusted with him, what if she disowns him, what if he ruins everything and his family hate him? 

Josh snuffles in his sleep again, and Tyler looks over at him fondly. Even if everything comes falling down around him, even if he loses his family as well as his best friend, he'll still have Josh. The one constant in his life that he has come never to doubt, whom he trusts blindly and has the utmost faith in. 

Not once has Josh done anything to hurt him, not once has he faltered or failed him; even when Tyler was overcome with petty jealousy at the sight of a few photographs, Josh was nothing but comforting and understanding. No matter what happens, he'll still have Josh. And there's always Zack, the one family member who knows him best and accepts him completely. Maybe, if his mother takes the news badly, his brother might be able to make her see sense. 

A yawn overcomes him, and Tyler leans behind the headboard to turn off the string of fairy lights draped over the bed, settling down beside the body radiating warmth beside him, but he still can't sleep. His mind continues to race with thoughts, and, just like he had with Zack, he finds himself trying to plan out exactly what he'll say to her, to think up hundreds of possible reactions she may have so that he can formulate a response to each and every one of them. These are Tyler's two go-to coping methods, intensely overthinking a situation or just pushing the thoughts away and not dealing with them at all. There is no in between, no happy medium, no middle ground. It may not be exactly the healthiest way to approach a problem, but it works. 

Kind of. 

**-**

Josh wakes up to the sun rising outside his bedroom window and Tyler sitting up in bed beside him, back against the headboard, reading a book. 

"Mmph, morning," Josh groans, rubbing his eyes then shimmying across the mattress to wrap his arms around Tyler and drag him into a hug. "How long have you been awake?"

"G'morning, Jishwa," Tyler croaks, shuffling down the bed to tangle his legs with Josh's and lean into his cuddle. "I couldn't sleep."

"Shit, that's no good! You've been up all night?" Josh asks, concern dripping from his voice, and he presses his lips to Tyler's forehead. 

"Yeah, but it's okay! I got college work done. This play is actually really good, it's making me think a lot," he smiles, holding up the book that's still in his hand. 

"Tell me the story," Josh grins, rolling onto his back and closing his eyes, and he feels Tyler shifting to drape himself across his chest. 

"So, there's this guy, Joe, and he owns this business where he makes airplane parts for the current war. And his company makes these faulty engine parts, and he knows they're faulty, and he has to make the decision, does he send them out and put the lives of pilots at risk? Or does he recall the parts and lose out on business, on money that he needs to support his family, jeopardise his business' name? In the end, he decides to send out the parts. Twenty one pilots die. His son is one of 'em. Driven mad by guilt and by his wife's threats to tell everybody, he kills himself, the end," Tyler finishes, and Josh raises his head from the pillow to look down at him. 

"Well shit, baby, you sure do know how to bring a guy down," he laughs, and Tyler frowns a little. 

"Sorry," he says in a quiet voice, and Josh shakes his head. 

"No, no, I'm kidding. Tell me why you like it so much, what are you thinking?" he asks, and he sees a smile on Tyler's face as he lays his head back down on the pillow, eyes sliding shut again. 

"Well, in life, we all have these choices to make. We all get faced with difficult decisions, y'know? And a lot of the time, it's easier to half ass things or take the quick route, do things for an immediate gain rather than what'll earn you more in the future. Sometimes we have to decide whether or not to send out the parts, and we gotta remember that there are consequences to everything we do. I mean, like, is that immediate gain really worth the lives of twenty one men? Is it worth your own? It just makes me think," Tyler finishes, laying his chin back down to rest on Josh's chest. 

Josh just stares down at him in awe for a few seconds before he formulates a response. "You really astound me sometimes, Tyler Joseph."

"How d'you mean?" Tyler asks, gazing back up at him with wide eyes, and he looks so vulnerable. 

"Well, because you're this sweet, squishy, adorable little thing, and I just want to cuddle you, but then you come off with these immensely profound things that give a little insight into the workings of your inner mind and suddenly you're this wicked smart, intimidating guy that demands reverence. Even when you're singing, you can go from having the most stunning, pretty voice to rapping so hard and fast my brain can't keep up. You're just..." Josh looks down at him, seeing a little colour rise in Tyler's cheeks, and he grins. "You're just full of surprises, Ty. You're unpredictable, and I love that about you. You keep me on my toes in the best way possible."

Tyler leans up to press a forceful kiss into Josh's lips, and then pulls back, looking like he has something to say. Josh expects a 'thank you', maybe even an 'I love you'. What Josh does not expect is, "I think I might leave college."

"What?!" he reels, taken aback. 

"Yeah, I mean, it just really makes me unhappy," Tyler sighs, pushing himself to sit up again and running a hand through his hair. "I freakin' hate it, y'know? I just wanna play music, man. Even if I have to busk the streets and sleep rough, I'd be happier than I am in college, because I'd be playing music."

"Well, I mean, I think that's a great idea! But it's all up to you, Ty," Josh tells him, pushing himself to sit up beside him and placing a hand on his thigh. "Also, this is exactly what I meant about the whole 'keeping me on my toes' thing."

Tyler bursts out laughing. "Yeah, well, I don't think my mom would share your enthusiasm at the prospect of having a college dropout for a son."

"What about a world famous musician?" Josh asks with a grin, and Tyler giggles again. 

"Sure, I'll put her in a mansion made of solid gold when she's a little old lady," he grins, and Josh smiles back. 

"I'm serious, though! You've got it in you, Ty," he insists, arms closing in around Tyler's waist and pulling him closer. "You could change the whole world, baby boy."

Tyler scoffs, but Josh doesn't press the matter any further, knowing when to admit defeat. Tyler just doesn't realise what he has yet, but he will. Josh can see him growing as a person every day, even just in the way he carries himself. But it's more than the little things, it's the life changing ones, too. Like how Tyler is choosing to tackle situations head on rather than being pushed into them, coming out to his family, talking about leaving college, even just the way he's voicing his thoughts with more confidence. Tyler is evolving right before his eyes, and Josh is so proud of him. 

"Your hair turned out real good, Jish," Tyler muses after a brief, comfortable silence filled with squeezing cuddles. "You really suit it red."

"Thanks," Josh grins, breaking away from their embrace. "I toldja, as long as you do it, it always turns out sick. So whatcha wanna do today?"

Tyler looks up at him with a sly smile. "Hey, you got any more Cap'n Crunch?" he asks, breaking out into a grin, and Josh chuckles. 

"Oh, you better believe I got us that cereal hookup," he laughs, shuffling up the bed to sit and rub his eyes. "C'mon, I'ma fix you a buffet fit for a King."

**-**

Apparently, if ever he was presented with royalty on his doorstep, Josh would provide them with refreshments in the form of boxes of dry cereal and cans of Red Bull. Now, Tyler isn't complaining, as a matter of fact he can't imagine a better breakfast, but he would so dearly love to see the look on any monarch's face when they were handed a box of Lucky Charms by a ruby haired boy with stretched earlobes and a nose ring. 

"You can pick out all the marshmallows if you want," Josh offers as he passes Tyler the box of cereal with a smile and turns back to finding them a TV show. 

"Oh, I want!" Tyler giggles, bouncing with excitement on the sofa cushions as he rummages through the bag, searching through cereal hoops to find the colourful lumps of sugar hidden amongst them. 

He winces a little at the pain that goes shooting through his body as he bounces himself up and down, and he tries to pass it off as a shuffle to find comfort, but Josh doesn't miss the hissing breath he takes in through his teeth with the movement. A hand finds its way to his thigh as he settles, and Josh's worried voice, smooth like honey, fills his ears. 

"Are you okay?" he asks, eyebrows knitted together with concern, and Tyler smiles at him. 

"Never better, Jishwa! What're we watching?" he answers, turning their attention back to the television, and Josh leans over to press a kiss to his forehead before picking the television remote control back up and handing it over. 

"Guest's choice! You find us something," he says, settling himself back into the couch cushions and draping an arm over Tyler's shoulders. 

Tyler shifts himself back until he's curled into Josh's side, three different boxes of cereal surrounding them, and they find a show that airs home videos exclusively of cats, much to Josh's excitement. Tyler spends more time watching his boyfriend than he does watching the adorable antics of cats on the screen. Josh's eyes light up as he chuckles, wheezy giggles that are both high and low pitched, and Tyler loses himself in it. The sound is like an anti-anxiety medication to him, and he hasn't felt as relaxed in days as he does lazing in Josh's arms that Saturday morning, feeling his chest move with laughter under him. 

"Hey, smile," Tyler demands out of the blue a little while later, holding his cell phone up in front of them and leaning his head back on Josh's shoulder. Josh pulls a face to the camera as he snaps a photo, and Tyler laughs. "I realised the other day, I don't think a single photo of us together exists. That's something I like about you," he tells him, turning to look up at Josh's face, "you keep me in the moment. I'm never even thinking about phones when I'm around you. I keep you on your toes, you keep me present," he giggles, and Josh beams at him. "But when we're old and withered, I'm gonna wanna look back on how hot we were."

Josh bursts out laughing and presses a kiss to Tyler's forehead. "Okay, I've gotta admit, I have like, five pictures of you napping on my phone."

"Wait, what?!" Tyler splutters, sitting up from his chest, and Josh gives him a guilty smile. 

"I'm sorry! Just, you fall asleep before me a lot, and you just look so cute I can't help myself sometimes. Boyfrens are allowed to have candid pictures of their boyfrens sleeping!" he argues, and Tyler can't help but grin. 

"Well, okay, but you've just given me permission to take pictures of you sleeping, and you _know_ I'm gonna exploit that. Especially when you drool," he teases, and Josh laughs, wrapping his arms around Tyler's waist and pulling him back into a cuddle. "Hey, d'ya wanna break into the music department with me again today? We can do it through the doors instead of the window this time, just I've got some music in my head I've gotta get out, and it'd be so great if you worked out some drums for me."

Tyler looks down at Josh's chest as he poses the request, worried that he's asking too much. He already has a whole list of songs he's asked Josh to help him with, but he can hear the grin in his boyfriend's voice as he answers, "That sounds sick, Ty! I'd love to," and he looks up to see Josh flashing his perfectly white teeth with his charming smile. 

Tyler presses their lips together, slowly drawing Josh's bottom lip into his mouth and dragging his teeth along it gently before releasing it again. "Thank you, Jishwa. For real, I dunno where I'd be without you."

"Ditto, Ty," Josh smiles, pecking one last kiss to Tyler's forehead before breaking free of their hug and closing up the boxes of cereal littering his coffee table. "C'mon, let's get ready and we can head over."

*****

"I dunno, I still think John Lennon was the best one," Josh is saying, pressing the elevator call button in the hallway outside his front door. 

"You only think that because he died!" Tyler argues. "Ringo is for sure underrated. He should be your greatest inspiration, he's one of the most famous drummers around!"

"Nuh uh!" Josh insists. "That George guy died too but I'm not choosing him. C'mon, Ty, _imagine all the people_ ," he sings, grabbing Tyler's hands and swaying him side to side as the elevator doors slide open in front of them with a ding. 

Tyler is still giggling as Josh falls silent, and he turns to see him with a blush in his cheeks, following his line of vision for his eyes to fall on a familiar, round, smiling face sat on a stout body. 

"Hi, Aunty Becky!" Tyler calls to her with a beaming smile, marching into the elevator with Josh in tow, who still seems a little uncharacteristically quiet. 

"Oh, Tyler, how wonderful to see you! How are you, petal?" she asks, her smile growing even wider, something Tyler hadn't thought possible. 

"Yeah, I'm good thanks. How are you?" he replies, that same, strange urge to hug her tightly that he'd had when he first met her overcoming him again. 

"Oh, I'm grand, honey," she beams as the doors slide shut behind them. "So this must be the noisy boy?"

Josh manages to look even more unnerved as he stands close to Tyler's side, and he can't help the little giggle he lets out as he hisses, "Drums!" to him out of the side of his mouth. Tension noticeably leaves Josh's shoulders as Tyler makes her meaning clear, and it's obvious he'd been thinking the exact same thing Tyler had when he'd first met Aunty Becky in the very same elevator, 'What had she heard?'.

"Yup, this is Josh," Tyler beams, ruffling Josh's hair as he smiles and holds a hand out to her. 

"Hi," Josh mumbles, still shy as he shakes her hand, and she's grinning huge again. 

"Hi, sweetheart. Aunty Becky, pleasure to meet you. You're quite the talented musician, from what I hear in my living room!" she tells him. 

Josh chuckles with a guilty smile. "Yeah, sorry about that."

"Oh heavens, don't be silly! Play away, my boy. You could really be going places," she winks at him, and already their ride is coming to an end. 

"It was really good to see you again," Tyler smiles as he makes his way out the door, the other two following after. 

"You too, petal. And happy Thanksgiving if I don't see you! I assume you'll be off home for the holidays," she's shuffling over to her mailbox, and Tyler really wants to hug her. 

"No, I'll be here actually! I've got to go home for my birthday, it's the first day of December, so I didn't want to make the trip twice," he's lingering, torn between his urgent desire to hug this essential stranger that he loves so much, and the social pressures of avoiding physical contact with strangers at all costs.

"Oh, happy birthday, petal! Maybe I'll see you before then," she beams at him, and Tyler tosses caution to the wind, rushing over to her and throwing his arms around her to pull her in for a hug. She returns it immediately, arms squeezing him around his waist tightly and her face buried somewhere in his chest due to her short stature. 

"I hope so," Tyler smiles, pulling away from the hug. "If not, happy Thanksgiving to you too!"

He crosses the lobby back over to join Josh, taking his hand and leading him out the front door with a spring in his step. 

"Uhh, who's 'Aunty Becky'," Josh asks, a curious eyebrow raised as he breathes out a laugh. 

"Just some really sweet lady who lives in your apartment building," Tyler replies, jogging down the front steps, his fingers still intertwined with Josh's. "I've only met her once before, but she's so lovely. And she kept talking about us being the noisy boys from that apartment, I swear I thought she'd heard something else!"

"Me too!" Josh laughs as they approach Tyler's car. "Although, I do think she heard me sing," he looks down at his feet as he says it, and Tyler lets go of his hand to open the car doors. 

"Is that why you got all quiet? Because you think she heard you singing Imagine by John Lennon?" Tyler bursts out laughing, crossing around the car to open the driver's side.

"I don't sing in front of people," Josh grumbles, getting inside. 

"Well, I think you sing great," Tyler grins as he slides into the car beside him, starting up the engine. "In fact, I think you should sing for me more often."

Josh just scoffs, and Tyler doesn't press the matter any further. He'll just have to catch him off guard, get him singing without even realising it. And what better place than the music department to get someone singing? 

Josh's hand sits on Tyler's thigh, even as he drives, and Tyler loves it. It's become something so natural to them now that it would seem strange and alien to be in a car together and Josh's hand not be on his thigh. It's a little foreign that it's now Josh's left hand resting on his leg and not his right, he still isn't used to being the one driving when they're in a car together, but still the gesture seems warm and comforting. 

*****

"Okay!" Tyler calls out, sitting up from his hunched over position and brandishing the notebook he's been scribbling in for the past half hour in his hand. "I think I'm done."

Josh sets down the sticks he's been using to beat the crap out of the music department drum kit while Tyler wrote. "Do I get to hear it now?" he asks, looking hopeful, and Tyler giggles. 

"Well, since you've been so patient," he smiles, moving from the desk chair he's been slouching in to sit at the stool behind the piano in the room. "The real deal is gonna have a couple different keyboard riffs and it'll just generally sound better than this," he starts, but Josh waves his hand in the air to cut him off, standing up from his own stool to move across the room and sit on the floor, cross legged, in front of the piano.

"Tyler, it'd be great even if you played it on the triangle! Lemme hear!" he encourages, and Tyler giggles again. 

"Okay, okay, just bear in mind that it'll get better. Lower your expectations a little, too," he adds as his fingers take up residence on the keys of the piano and he starts to play a melody that's been dancing around his mind for days. He sees Josh's eyes light up as he starts to sing. 

_Ruby I hope I see you,_  
_I've waited all this week,_  
_For you to walk my way,_  
_Your soul will capture me._

_Your momma painted your room,_  
_A shade of pink, she said,_  
_But with your great arrival,_  
_That shade has turned to red._

_Ruby, take my hand._  
_Please lead me to the promised land._  
_Tell me, where am I from?_  
_Your eyes say, 'Shada-de-da-dum.'_

_Ruby, you're royalty._  
_In your homeland they all call you Queen._  
_Tell me, where are you from?_  
_Your eyes say, 'Shada-de-da-dum.'_

_You're an angel fallen down,_  
_Won't you tell us of the clouds?_  
_You have fallen from the sky,_  
_How high, how high?_

_You're true and pure,_  
_You hold the cure._  
_We're all diseased,_  
_You hold the key._

_You're an angel fallen down,_  
_Won't you tell us of the clouds?_  
_You have fallen from the sky,_  
_How high, how high?_

As he draws his song to a conclusion with a chant of, "Tell our dad I'm sorry," and, "You're an angel," Josh shakes himself out of his stupor and jumps up from his spot on the floor with a beaming smile.

"Hey, play that again," he says, taking up his seat behind the drum kit once more. "Oh, and don't think I missed that gay joke in the middle."

Tyler bursts out laughing and places his fingers on the keys again, getting them into position and counting Josh in as he starts to play the song from the top. 

*****

It's late evening by the time Tyler and Josh are finally kicked out of the music department by security staff who need to lock up the building. Tyler is buzzing from the day's events as they walk out the front door into the cool night air. They had been making music for hours on end, and something about Josh's drums accompanying him just made it even more magic. Their afternoon with their instruments has only strengthened his desire to leave classes and play music instead. 

"I guess I should leave you back home," Tyler suggests, not at all fond of the idea, but he sees Josh nodding as he walks beside him. 

"Yeah, you need to get some sleep! That was so, so great, though. I had the best afternoon," he grins as they make a start towards Tyler's car. 

"Me too," Tyler smiles, reaching out to take Josh's hand. "I wish I had my piano from home, though. I just have nowhere to put it."

"Hey, you could keep it at mine if you like? Bring it back with you when you go home for your birthday. I can download software on my laptop and we can record stuff at mine," Josh offers, and Tyler stops in his tracks, tugging on Josh's hand to spin him around and plant a kiss to his lips. 

"Thank you, Jishwa," he smirks against Josh's mouth. "Really. Thank you so much."

"It's just an excuse to hear you play more, don't think I'm doing a selfless good deed," he says, and Tyler giggles. 

"You might live to regret it, when I can't sleep and you wake up at three am to badly played piano," he warns, pulling on Josh's hand to lead him to his car in the parking lot out front. 

"Nah, that sounds great," Josh grins, and Tyler can't help but grin back. 

He unlocks his door and crawls inside, leaning over to unlock the passenger door for Josh, then throws himself back into his seat with a sigh. "So I guess I won't see you again until Thanksgiving, huh?" Tyler asks, and Josh grimaces. 

"I guess not," he echoes Tyler's sigh as he starts up the car engine. "I'm actually off for once, only because the store's shut, so you can come over as early as you like," Josh offers, and Tyler takes his eyes off the road momentarily to look over at him with a grin. 

"So I'll see you at four in the morning, then?" he counters, and Josh chuckles. 

"Sounds good, baby boy!" he jokes, putting a hand on Tyler's thigh. 

As always, the drive to Josh's apartment takes no time at all, and soon they're saying their goodbyes. "I'll miss you heaps and heaps," Tyler is whining, leaning across the centre console to cuddle into Josh's chest. "Send me cute texts."

"I promise," Josh grins down at him, giving him a squeeze. "I'll see you on Thursday! It'll fly by."

"Yeah, _right_ ," Tyler sneers sarcastically. "Days feel like weeks when I don't see you. How will I survive?!"

Josh chuckles at his theatrics, pressing a gentle kiss to Tyler's forehead before pulling away. "You'll manage, Ty. Now, go get some sleep! You must be exhausted. I love you heaps, I'll talk to you soon!"

"I love you too," Tyler utters, already miserable without him, and then Josh is stepping out of the car and closing the passenger side door. He stands on the sidewalk to wave Tyler off as he drives back to campus, and then he's alone in the silence once again. 

*****

Surprisingly, their days apart really do fly by. Sunday had been difficult to get through, Tyler had been sore and tired, Brendon had been off practising all day and he'd wound up spending his day alone and depressed, listening to music and trying his best to write some lyrics, without much success. Sadness usually breeds great lyrics in Tyler's mind, but being apart from Josh doesn't just make him sad anymore, it fills him with a sort of despondent hopelessness, this grey emptiness that makes it difficult to get out of bed, to get showered or dressed, to get anything done. He chalks it up as just another standard, suicidal Sunday and tries not to get too hung up on it. 

When Monday rolls around, Tyler forces himself to go to class. It all seems awfully pointless to him, especially now that he's seriously considering leaving and never coming back. He desperately wants to take the Brendon approach and leave in a blaze of glory, shouting some sort of 'Up yours,' to the teacher and walking out bathed in the awe of his fellow classmates. Instead, he gets himself out of bed at eight in the morning and drags his ass to class, if only to learn about All My Sons, they play he's become so invested in. 

Over his only two classes that week, professor Hiles takes up his place in the middle of the lecture hall and goes droning on in a monotone, as per usual, however what sets these classes apart from any other is Tyler's attentiveness. He takes notes, he asks questions, he hangs off his professor's every word. He even finds himself excited to spend his Wednesday writing an essay on the text, and finds himself disgusted by his own behaviour. 

He's sure none of the writing or the grades will matter at all, he's certain that he'll leave long before anything can come of it. But, for some reason, the play seems to matter a lot. The text holds some meaning to it, the words imbued with some significance, that has him unable to shake it from his head. 

As promised, he gets his cute texts from Josh every day, and he replies to each one with enthusiasm, but he finds himself feeling like he doesn't _need_ them to get through the week, which is a first. In fact, if college had engaged him this much from the very beginning, perhaps he wouldn't be so desperate to leave as soon as possible right now. Perhaps Shakespeare had spelled the end of his college career before it had even begun. 

By Wednesday, he's more than happy to spend hours of his day typing away at is laptop. Their class needs to have their essays emailed to the professor by the end of the day, and for once the deadline doesn't seem stressful or daunting, in fact by the time he's finished his essay he feels as though he could continue, write twice as much. A feeling of pride swells in his chest as he sends the email, and right as he hits the button to close his inbox, Brendon walks through the door. 

"Hey!" Tyler chirps, feeling upbeat about both his recent work and the prospect of having a few days off ahead of him. "How did practice go?"

"Yeah, it was good, thanks. We need more time together as a band, but Ryan and I are heading home for Thanksgiving tomorrow, so we'll have the weekend," Brendon sighs, looking drained as he flops down on to his bed. 

"How long until you're gone for good?" Tyler asks, not sure if he wants to know the answer. He still hasn't fully dealt with the fact that Brendon is leaving, it's another of the thoughts taking up space in the box of fears pressing in the back of his mind. 

"We aren't coming back after Christmas. I figure I'll stick around with you and we can both go home together for the holidays. I don't wanna leave you all alone before I have too," Brendon tells him, his smile looking a little guilty. 

"Thanks, man," Tyler smiles back. "You know, I'm thinking of leaving too."

"Wait, what?!" Brendon reels, just like Josh had. Tyler hadn't realised how shocking a revelation this would seem to others. "Does your mom know?!"

"God, no. I haven't even a hundred percent decided it's what I'm gonna do. I'm just so unhappy here. Like, I might have been able to struggle through it if you were around, I'm not sure, but I don't think I can do it alone. It's just so God awful, like, why am I forcing myself to do something I don't want to? Wasting so much of my parents' money on something I hate that isn't gonna get me where I want to be... It's just depressing," Tyler huffs out a sigh as he flops down on Brendon's bed next to him. "I just wanna play music, man."

"So play music!" Brendon cries, sitting up on the bed. "God knows you're good enough. But you won't get anywhere unless you're out there fighting for it."

"Yeah, Josh seems to think it's a good idea, too. I'm just not sure my mom and dad are gonna agree with you," Tyler pouts, sitting up too and leaning his back against the wall. 

"You've gotta remember, it's not their life, T-bag. I mean, parents matter and all, but ultimately it's your decision. You've gotta do right by you, first. You're the one who has to live it," Brendon deadpans, and it eases Tyler's worries just a little. Even if his mother and father don't agree, at least Tyler's peers are of the same mind frame. 

"Thanks, Beebo. I've just gotta think about it, but I've got loads of new songs planned out. Josh is helping me record 'em and everything, so at least I'm doing something. And people are still listening to the stuff I put online," he smiles, and he sees Brendon grinning beside him. 

"That's great, man! Keep posting! Build yourself a fan base, if you have an audience you're half way there already," he winks, throwing himself back down on the bed. "Now, if you don't mind, I am fucking _exhausted_ , and my fingers have been reduced to bleeding nubs, so I'm gonna get some sleep."

"Sure thing, I'll shut the big light off," Tyler offers, standing up and crossing the room to flick the light switch, then moving to grab his backpack and take it to his own bed. 

Tyler fully intends on taking out his notebook and working on the songs he has half finished in its pages, but instead he finds himself taking out his copy of All My Sons and reading through the text again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so QUESTION TIME!!  
> Would you prefer:
> 
> Shorter updates that are posted more frequently? 
> 
> OR
> 
> Longer updates that have more time between them?
> 
> Because I really am getting terrible for how often I'm posting recently. Like, I didn't want to post this yet, I wanted to get to the point where Tyler was standing on his mom's doorstep on his birthday, at least, but I take so long to get anywhere... 
> 
> But, yeah. Lemme know in the comments, more short chapters or less frequent, longer ones? I'll go with whatever gets more votes below. And thank you all, for everything you do for me. Love you, frens ❤️


	41. Thanksgiving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I say this every single time, but I mean it now more than ever, I am sincerely so sorry these chapters are taking so long. It's been really bloody difficult, but I tried to make Thanksgiving, like, disgustingly cute. Vomit worthy. I think I did okay. 
> 
> Enjoy! ❤️

Tyler wakes up at around eight o'clock on Thursday morning, his body clock set to wake up for classes. His bedside lamp is still on, his book lying open on the floor as he turns around, still fully clothed, on top of his sheets. He lets out a little groan as he reaches up to turn off his lamp, and picks up his phone to check the time. A huge grin takes over his face as he sees a text he'd received just after 4am. 

Josh: **You're late xx**

Giggling, he types out a quick response as he drags himself out of bed and into the bathroom, careful to avoid making too much noise, so as not to disturb Brendon's sleep. 

Tyler: **Sorry, I slept in. I'll be right over. xx**

After a rushed shower, he emerges from the bathroom and gets his first glance outside to see that it's pouring with rain. Sighing, he doesn't even bother trying to dry his hair off, it'll only get soaked again. A brief rummage through his drawers has him deciding on jeans, his 'boyfren' sweater and a heavy, green coat over top of it all, hoping it'll keep him at least somewhat warm and dry. He makes quick work of shoving his keys, wallet, cellphone, notebook and some other essentials into his red backpack, and then he's slinging it over his shoulder and rushing out the door, whispering a goodbye to his still sleeping friend. 

It's been a long time since he's driven in the rain, and despite the fact that he got truly soaked in the short dash from the dorm building doors to his car in the parking lot, he loves it. He's shivering a little from the cold seeping through to his bones, but he barely notices the chattering of his teeth or his shaking hands, much too absorbed in the extreme weather outside. The rain hammers off the metal of the car roof, pounding down in sheets from all sides and bouncing off the road. 

It adds a soundtrack to his otherwise silent drive, the heavy rain providing something of a drumbeat as howling wind roars its vocals. Tyler has always liked the pouring rain. There's something so comforting about sitting inside, wrapped up warm and listening to rain in droves against the window as the wind whistles through the cracks. It makes him want to sit under a blanket and drink hot cocoa all day long. 

Before too long, Tyler is pulling up on the curb outside Josh's apartment building, a little relieved to see that he isn't standing on the steps waiting for him this time. Shutting off his car engine, he makes sure all the passenger doors of his car are locked before steeling himself against the storm outside and, pausing only to lock his own door behind him, hurrying up the steps and into the building. 

Outside Josh's front door, he very nearly puts his foot right through a little, white, cardboard box sitting at the foot of the door, noticing it just in time to narrowly avoid crushing it. He looks up to see a note tacked to the door telling him to, 'Come on in! x' and he pushes it gently to find it off the latch as it swings open. He picks the box up to bring it inside, the tantalising aroma of something delicious filling his nostrils as soon as he steps over the threshold. 

Tyler pushes the door closed behind him as he makes his way to the kitchen. He peeks around the doorframe to find Josh, just in a pair of pyjama pants, singing to himself with his back to him as he works on something at the stove, messy bowls, jugs and spoons littering the work surfaces. He has flour on the end of his nose as he turns to see Tyler, breaking out into a beaming smile. 

"I didn't even hear you come in!" he calls, making his way across the kitchen to pull him in for a squeezing hug and pressing a kiss to his forehead. "I hope you're hungry, because I'm making a buttload of pancakes."

"That sounds amazing, Jish, thank you," Tyler smiles, wiping the flour from Josh's nose with a giggle and heading over to the stovetop with him, leaning against the counter as Josh gets back to breakfast. "This was sitting on your doorstep by the way," he adds, setting the box down on the countertop. 

"Hmm, weird. Okay, go get into bed, I'll be in in just a second," Josh tells him, starting to plate up their food. 

"Wait, what?" Tyler asks, confused. 

"Well, I figured we could celebrate your birthday today, seeing as you'll be back home on the actual day and I'm gonna be working _every frickin' day_ from now until Wednesday. I wanted to wake you up with breakfast in bed, but I figure this is the next best thing," Josh smiles, and Tyler breaks into a grin so huge his cheeks hurt. 

"Joshua Dun, you are the most adorable creature in the whole world, I swear to God," he beams, leaning in to press a delicate kiss to Josh's lips.

"Nah, that's you. Go on, I'll be right behind you," he encourages, pecking another kiss to Tyler's forehead, and he does as he's told. 

As he walks into the bedroom, Tyler sees Josh's two kittens curled up and sleeping on the bed, and lets out a little squeak as he kicks off his shoes, shrugs his jacket off onto the floor and clambers up onto the mattress beside them. He has a hand under each of their chins, tickling the cats as they purr, when Josh walks into the room carrying a tray heavily laden with food. 

"Sorry guys," he smirks, setting their breakfast down on the bed. "You gotta make room for daddy."

"Ooooh, 'daddy', huh?" Tyler giggles as Josh picks the kittens up, one at a time, and sets them gently on the ground. 

Josh chuckles, raising an eyebrow. "Is somebody getting ideas?" he laughs, settling himself down on the bed beside Tyler and passing him a plate piled high with a stack of pancakes, a mug of chai tea, and a bottle of syrup. "Enjoy," he smiles sweetly. 

"Don't worry, I won't call the sanctity of your fatherhood into question, I promise," Tyler reassures him, lifting a knife and fork. "This looks freaking delicious, by the way, thank you so much," the second half of his sentence is muffled through a mouthful of fluffy pancakes as he sprays crumbs across the bedspread. 

"You're so welcome," Josh smiles back. "Oh, before I forget!" Tyler watches as he leans over the side of his bed, rummaging around underneath it to pull out a small, rectangular parcel wrapped in brown paper and tied with twine. "It's nothing big, but happy birthday."

"Joooosh!" Tyler whines, "you already got me a present! A really good one too, you didn't have to get me anything else!"

"No, I know I didn't have to. I wanted to," he grins, shoving the gift into Tyler's hands. "Just open it!"

Tyler tears at the paper right away, pulling off the string and ripping the wrapping as he reveals a book. Upon closer inspection, it's a copy of All My Sons, so old the pages are yellowing and the print at the corners of the paper is wearing away. He opens the front cover to the title page and lets out a soft gasp. It's a first edition. 

"Oh my God, Josh! Wh- how- where did you even get this?! I read it, like, less than a week ago! How did you have time..." Tyler stutters, a little in shock. 

"I have my ways," Josh grins at him. "Do you like it?"

"Like it?! I frickin' love it!" he babbles, turning the book over in his hands. "I frickin' love _you_!"

Placing the book down on the bed with such care it's as though the play is something fragile and precious, Tyler leans across the bed to pull Josh into a heated kiss, mashing their lips together and knocking the cutlery off his plate in the process. It's minutes before he finally pulls away, still smiling. 

"Thank you. For real, thank you so, so much, Jishwa," he breathes, pressing their foreheads together. 

"You're so welcome. I'm just glad you like it," Josh grins, pressing a gentle kiss to Tyler's lips before sitting back. "Now eat your pancakes, they're gonna get cold."

"Yissir," Tyler giggles, sitting back up himself and picking his plate up again, still moved by the gesture. He has a feeling that there's no way in hell his day back home with his family could possibly top the day he's going to have with Josh. In fact, it's doubtful the day could even compare to their morning so far. 

*****

After breakfast, and a good half hour of cuddles and kisses, the two make their way into the living room, Josh informing him that he has a whole day of activities planned out for them, but they'll have to wait until the rain lets up. He heads back to the kitchen to clear up the mess left over from their feast, leaving Tyler to pick out a movie to watch, and when he returns he has the mysterious box from the doorstep in his hands. 

"This isn't for me," Josh smiles, handing Tyler the box, and he raises a curious eyebrow as he takes it from Josh's outstretched hands. 

"What do you mean?" he asks, and Josh smirks. 

"Just open it!" Josh insists. 

Tyler lifts the flap on top of the box, curiosity growing, to reveal a beautifully frosted, white cake, topped off with delicate little, pink, sugar roses on top and a message iced into it, 'Happy Birthday Tyler!'. Tyler stares in awe and confusion at the delicious looking treat in his lap until he glances at the underside of the lid and sees another message scribbled there in pen, 'Love Aunty Becky xo'. 

"Oh my God!" he cries out, his eyes filling with tears. 

"Yeah, you weren't kidding when you said she was really sweet," Josh beams at him, throwing himself down on the couch next to Tyler. 

"Oh my God," Tyler repeats, speechless. Then, after a few more moments of staring, "I don't even know which apartment she lives in. Or even what floor! I wish I could say thank you... Oh my God."

"Hey, here's a question, how does this random, if incredibly sweet, lady know where I live?" Josh asks with a smile and Tyler returns it guiltily. 

"Okay, so I _might_ have told her, but c'mon, she's a sweetheart! It's not like she's gonna show up in the dead of night and stab you!" he argues, and Josh chuckles. 

"It's fine, don't worry. Although, if I show up dead one morning, you'll know why," he mutters darkly, and it's Tyler's turn to laugh. 

*****

They get the whole way through a Thanksgiving showing of 'Planes, Trains and Automobiles' before the rain finally fades out and the clouds begin to clear, having spent an hour and a half cuddled up on the couch. Tyler is a little reluctant to move, a feeling of overwhelming warmth and comfort filling him as they huddle together against the elements outdoors, but he has a feeling Josh has put a lot of thought into the day ahead and, as much as he would love to spend it on the couch in his boyfriend's arms, he doesn't want to take that away from him. 

"Okay! I think the rain should stay off for the rest of the day. At least, that's what the met office tells me. You ready to head out?" Josh asks, giving Tyler a squeeze and sitting up on the couch with a stretch. 

"Yup! Where are we headed?" Tyler asks, stretching out himself. 

"Ah, we can't ruin the surprise! You're just gonna have to trust me," Josh replies, standing up from the couch and reaching out to pull Tyler to his feet. "It'll be great, I promise."

"I don't doubt that for a second," Tyler smiles, pecking a kiss to Josh's lips once he's standing. "Just lemme go get my shoes and junk, then we can go."

Within a few minutes, Tyler is back in his somewhat damp jacket and shoes, and sitting in the passenger seat of Josh's car as he drives them to their first top-secret stop in the day's journey. Josh's hand rests on his thigh, as always, as they drive. 

"So, I tried to book us into a fancy restaurant for dinner this evening, but everywhere is backed up because of Thanksgiving. Does Taco Bell sound okay?" he actually looks a little worried as he poses the question, and Tyler laughs. 

"Are you kidding? TB for TG dinner? Gimme that over some stuck up restaurant any day," he grins, and Josh returns the smile. 

"I couldn't agree more, T-bag," he chuckles, squeezing Tyler's thigh gently. "Okay, first stop!" he calls out, indicating and pulling up outside a quaint looking store with a plethora of aged looking books in the window. "This is where I got your book."

Tyler unbuckles his seatbelt hurriedly, excited to see the store his gift came from. "This place looks adorable," he enthuses as they step out of the car and make their way towards the front entrance. 

"Yeah, I think you're really gonna like it," Josh agrees, holding the door open for him. 

Inside, the bookstore feels like a cosy living room. They have a whole section dedicated to books' first editions, every piece of furniture is mismatched and huge, squashy, comfy looking armchairs and couches are littered around the floor space. Art lines the walls, ranging from classic to modern, fairy lights are strung up around the place and the whole store has this intoxicating scent of coffee and the soft, woodsy fragrance of old books with a familiar note of something close to vanilla. They boast an integrated café, and Josh heads to the counter to order them each a coffee, leaving Tyler to peruse the shelves in his absence. 

The shelves of the bookcases surrounding him are sagging under the weight of the novels, plays, encyclopaedias and biographies they hold, and he gets lost in browsing titles, finding a few books on music that tempt him to make a purchase. He's torn from his exploration of book spines by Josh appearing beside him, holding a tray with a black coffee for himself and Tyler's usual, hideously sweet latte, piled high with whipped cream and topped off with chocolate sprinkled in the shape of a heart. 

"Oh man, I need that inside me right now," Tyler groans, looking at the decadent drink, and Josh bursts out laughing. 

"Do I have competition?" he sniggers, and Tyler grins. 

"You know what, man? Yes. I would be totally willing to enter into a monogamous relationship with that coffee. Watch your back," he giggles, and Josh arranges his face into an expression of mock distress. 

"I thought what we had was special!" he cries, and Tyler giggles again, lifting his beverage from the tray and heading towards an overstuffed, bright red couch to sit down. 

"No, no, it is," he assures him. "But _this coffee_ , Josh!"

As he sits down on the couch, it almost swallows him whole, his body sinking into the cushions so far that his feet can't reach the ground. Josh flops down beside him once he's set the tray down on the table in front of the sofa, stirring up dust all around them as he grins. 

"Well, I hope you guys are happy together. I'm just gonna go cry in the bathrooms for a bit," he makes to stand up and Tyler giggles again, yanking him back down into his seat with another puff of dust. 

"Okay, how about just this once? It'll be like a one night stand, but during the day," he offers.

"I never had you down as a cheater, Tyler Joseph. I must say, I'm disappoi-" he's cut off by a moan of pleasure from Tyler as he takes a sip of his drink. 

"Oh my God, I take it back, I'm leaving you for this coffee," Tyler groans, taking another sip. "This is the best one yet, holy crap."

Josh laughs as he leans in to mutter in Tyler's ear, "You might wanna tone it down with the sex noises. As much as I enjoy them, there are children present. Keep it PG, baby boy."

Tyler feels a blush rise in his cheeks as he giggles again. "My bad. This coffee is a fantastic lover, though."

About halfway through their drinks, a group of baristas come out in their aprons from the back of the store, one girl holding a double chocolate muffin topped off with a little, pink-striped birthday candle, all of them singing, "Happy birthday to you!" as they approach their couch. 

Tyler groans as he shrinks down into his armchair, doing his best to disappear, and Josh laughs heartily, joining in on the singing with enthusiasm. As the song comes to an end, everybody in the store is staring at him, applauding him simply for ageing. Everyone continues to look on expectantly, until he realises that he's supposed to be making a wish. The first thing that comes to his head is coming out to his mother, and he briefly hopes that it'll go well, before blowing out his candle to more applause. 

At that, everyone returns to their coffees and conversations, the baristas congratulating him and moving off back to the kitchen. Tyler turns to glower at Josh, who's still laughing with a shit-eating grin on his face. "I hate you so much," Tyler growls at him, which only serves to make him laugh harder. 

"Yeah, that seems fair," Josh beams once he's regained control, wiping a tear from his eye. "Hey, happy Thanksgiving, too! Do you think I could get 'em to sing another song to you for that one?"

"Don't you _dare_ ," Tyler warns, but he's smiling back now as he takes a bite of his muffin. 

Before long, they're finishing up their coffees and Josh is gathering himself to leave. Tyler asks him to wait for just a second, picking his backpack up from the ground beside him and digging around inside until he produces his notebook and a pen. Josh watches, intrigued, as Tyler begins scribbling out a note on a sheet of paper, the message reading simply, 'Stay alive.'

"Whatcha doin'," Josh asks him, but Tyler just smiles, getting up from the couch and heading over to a bookshelf that holds all manner of plays by American playwrights, Josh following close behind. Tyler searches the shelves briefly before finding what he's looking for, a copy of 'All My Sons', and he extracts it, opening it to one of the back pages, and slips the note between its pages before slotting it back into its place on the shelf. 

"Okay, let's go!" he calls out, turning to head back to the couch and grab his notebook, nearly slamming right into Josh as he turns. Josh grabs him by the shoulders to press their lips together in a quick, firm kiss. 

"You are just... Just wonderful," he grins, and Tyler smiles back. 

"You never know who needs to hear it," he says simply, moving to grab his backpack and throw it over his shoulder. "So where to next?"

"We're gonna go play!" Josh tells him with a grin, grabbing Tyler by the hand and leading him from the shop, back to his car. 

**-**

"Eat my dust, Princess!" Tyler shouts with a wicked smile, throwing a tortoise shell out of his kart as he races around the track. They're in an arcade just a little way from the college campus, playing Mario Kart in a setup that has them both sitting in go-kart seats, using steering wheels to drive around a racetrack. 

Josh would like to say that he's letting Tyler win, that he's being sweet seeing as it's his birthday, but that would be a lie. Sincerely, he's been trying his darnedest to beat Tyler for the past three rounds of the game, but he hasn't been able to overtake him once. In fact, Tyler has driven laps around him on more than one occasion. He manages to drive his kart, steered by Princess Peach, right into the shell Tyler had left on the track for him, making his boyfriend cackle. 

"Oh my God, you _suck_ ," Tyler grins, taking first place against one of the computer generated players. "I'm a little distracted by your cuteness with that little umbrella, but even so I'm still leagues above you. You don't stand a chance."

"Don't underestimate the underdog," Josh grins, leaning over to shove Tyler and almost knocking him out of his seat. While he's distracted, Josh attempts to push up to the front of the race, but he only manages to overtake two of the players before Tyler has recovered and is crossing the finish line as the winner. 

"That was low! You're totally disqualified, Princess. Suck it," he cheers, getting up and doing the same little victory dance he has been every time he's beaten Josh at a game. It's another twenty seconds before Josh is finally crossing the finish line, in seventh place. 

"Hey, you cheated on me with coffee! I'll cheat on you in games," Josh grins, getting out of his seat and wrapping his arms around Tyler's waist. "Congratulations, oh powerful one. You are unbeatable," he grins, pecking a kiss to Tyler's forehead. 

"You're damn right!" Tyler jeers, pressing their lips together briefly, and Josh catches a teen playing Call of Duty a few feet away glaring at them with disgust written across his face. "So what's next?"

They have spent the whole afternoon, and a whole lot of Josh's money, at the arcade, and it has already grown dark outside. He hadn't planned to stay so long, but the gleeful expression on his boyfriend's face, they way he lights up when he wins, the obvious excitement overtaking him when he plays, has been intoxicating and addictive and the hours have flown by right under their noses. 

"You hungry?" Josh asks, and Tyler smiles. 

"Starving! I thought you'd never ask," Tyler replies, and Josh grabs his hand, hearing that same Call of Duty teen scoff as he does. Just for good measure, he kisses Tyler on the lips, making sure their onlooker sees. 

"M'kay, let's go get you some tacos!" he grins, making to lead Tyler towards the door.

"Wait, I gotta redeem my tickets!" Tyler whines, tugging on his hand, and Josh chuckles with a smile. 

"Oh, how could I forget?" he grins, making a one eighty turn and taking Tyler to the counter at the back of the store. 

After much deliberation, they're walking out the front entrance, Tyler holding the plush kitten he'd chosen as his prize in one hand and Josh's hand in the other. The rain has long since stopped and the clouds have cleared, leaving a brilliantly starry night sky behind them, visible even through the orange glare of streetlights that hangs in a haze over the city. The two of them stare skywards as they walk outside, marvelling at the thousands of little specks twinkling above them, and Josh hears Tyler sigh beside him.

"Hey, you okay?" he asks, looking over to see a huge smile plastered on Tyler's face. 

"I'm great. I'm so great, Jishwa. Thank you for today, for real, it's been so much fun," he smiles, and Josh grins back. 

"Hey, it's not over yet! C'mon, to TB!" he calls out, tugging a giggling Tyler towards his car. 

One brief detour through the Taco Bell drive thru later, a box of tacos in the backseat, Josh takes them to a grocery store briefly, telling Tyler to wait in the car as he rushes inside for graham crackers, vegetarian marshmallows, and a chocolate bar, then he runs back out to the car. Tyler is waiting patiently, looking at Josh expectantly as he clambers back into the driver's seat, but he keeps quiet as he throws his bag of groceries into the back with their dinner and starts up the engine again. 

He drives them about five miles outside of Athens, to Lake Snowden, a place he's loved ever since moving to the city. The light pollution doesn't reach this far out, and the stars look absolutely magnificent above them as they pull into the recreation park's parking lot. Josh reaches into the back of the car to grab their tacos and snacks, then steps out into the cold evening air, Tyler following suit. Josh sees him shiver a little with the temperature as he circles the car to open the trunk, grabbing the blanket and burlap sack he'd put in there the night before. He slams the trunk closed, then motions for Tyler to follow him, reading the curiosity on his face. 

They head down toward the lake, hugging close to the tree line of the forest, until they find a grassy spot right on the water's edge, surrounded by the trunks of the woods behind them. Josh throws out the blanket, telling Tyler to take a seat and handing him the box of food from Taco Bell, them gets to work setting up a small campfire with wood from the sack he's carrying. In minutes, a crackling fire is warming them, both of them shovelling tacos in at an impressive pace. 

Josh's phone plays gentle, quiet music by Bon Iver as they eat. The two of them make short work of their Mexican food offerings, and then Josh is rummaging around in the bag from the grocery store to produce all the elements for s'mores, and even two long, metal prongs for them to roast their treats on. Tyler bursts out laughing as he sees what Josh is up to, a massive smile splitting his cheeks. 

"Fuck, I love you so much, Josh," he gushes, taking his roasting stick as its passed to him and starting to assemble a s'more.

"I love you too, Ty," Josh grins back at him, getting to work on his own. "Happy birthday," he beams. 

"It is. It really is. In fact, this has been my best birthday yet and it's not even my birthday yet," he giggles, and Josh joins in on his laughter. 

"Well, then, a very merry unbirthday to you," he sings, and Tyler laughs harder. 

"And you!" he adds, moving his marshmallow over to the fire to toast it. 

They spend hours down by the lake, roasting s'mores and kissing, finding constellations in the stars and then making up their own when they run out. They lie out flat on their backs, hands held, staring up at the night sky in utter wonderment, talking of how small it makes them feel and the terrifying vastness of the universe. It never ceases to amaze Josh, how the two of them can go from singing Disney songs to discussing existential crises in a matter of moments. They can switch between the most trivial and the weightiest subjects in the blink of an eye, all of it natural and comfortable. Their conversations together are unlike any he's ever had, and he adores it. As he thinks this to himself, Tyler rolls over to face him with a serious look on his face. 

"Hey, Jish, what do you think your purpose is?" he asks, and Josh would laugh at what a perfect confirmation of his prior thoughts this was, if the topic weren't quite so deep. 

"Obviously looking after you," he smiles, leaning over to kiss Tyler's forehead. "And, to a lesser extent, my mom. And the kittens. And Mark. Actually, he kind of looks after me. Mostly you, though."

"I think mine is music," Tyler ponders. "And loving you, obviously. My purpose is giving you something to look after," he giggles. "But, like, if I change even just one person's life, if I help one kid get through it with music. That's success, right? That's me doing what I need to be doing, what I _should_ be doing. That makes my life worth it, right?"

"You don't need to do any of that for your life to be worth it, Ty. And besides, you've already done all of that for me. But yeah, I hear you," Josh nods, not sure where the conversation is going. 

"I'm for sure gonna leave college," Tyler deadpans, rolling onto his back once more, staring upwards with a look of determination. 

"I'm so proud of you," Josh tells him honestly, giving his hand a squeeze. "And now that your decision is made, I can speak my mind without worrying that I'll influence you. It's, like, a hundred percent the right choice. Seriously. That place sucks the life out of you, I notice it every time I see you after class. Like, it literally drains you, and you don't need something killing your creativity. You are gonna go places, I _know_ you are, and you don't need college to get there. You-"

The rest of his sentence is cut off in a clumsy kiss as Tyler's lips crash into his, rolling over until he's practically on top of Josh. He wraps his arms around Tyler's waist, pulling their bodies as close as possible as their mouths work against one another, and it's the most perfect moment. The fire crackles beside them as the stars twinkle above, the lake lapping at the shore with a gentle, trickling sound and the wind rushing through the leaves, and it's all so textbook romantic it would seem cheesy if it were with anybody else. But, being with Tyler, everything just seems so much more poetic. 

By the time their kiss is broken, the fire has died down to some glowing embers and the cold is beginning to set in again. Josh takes his phone from his pocket to check the time and finds it's already gone one in the morning. 

"Oh my God, it's so late! We've gotta get you home," Josh groans, sitting up on the blanket, and as if on cue, he hears Tyler yawning beside him. 

"Yeah, okay, bed sounds totally great right now," Tyler agrees, reluctantly pushing himself up into a sitting position beside Josh. "Have I ever told you that you're, like, the best ever?" he asks with a tired, little smirk.

"Nah, that's you," Josh retorts, grinning, and he hauls himself to his feet, holding his hands out to pull Tyler up. 

He grabs the blanket up off the ground along with their bags and trash, taking a quick look around to make sure nothing has been left behind, then wraps his free arm around Tyler's back to lead him towards the car. 

"I really did have, like, the best day," Tyler smiles to him as they walk. "You did so good. Thank you." He leans over to peck a kiss to Josh's cheek, making him grin. 

"Again, don't think this was some selfless act, I totally wanted to play Mario Kart and eat Taco Bell," he chuckles, but Tyler shakes his head. 

"I'm serious," he insists. "Like, all the things we did today, and the play, and the ukulele. It's probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me, and I love you so much"

"It was a pleasure, baby boy," Josh smiles to him as they approach his car. "And I love you too."

He unlocks the car doors, throwing the leftovers from the evening into the backseat and sliding in, seeing the noticeable exhaustion on Tyler's face. He hadn't meant to stay out so late, but the evening had gotten away from him without him even realising it. Luckily, they're close enough to Athens that they'll be back at his apartment building within ten minutes, because Tyler looks in danger of passing out in the passenger seat. 

Their drive is quiet, punctuated by Tyler's occasional yawns, and Josh squeezes his thigh every minute or two, just to make sure he's still awake. It's as though his tiredness is catching, because by the time he's pulling up on the curb outside his building, Josh is just as sleepy as Tyler looks. The two of them are sluggish and slow as they open the doors, even the bitter cold rushing in from outside doesn't shake the exhaustion. 

They traipse up the steps and across the lobby to the elevator, and as soon as they're inside, Tyler collapses into Josh's chest with a groan. "So sleepy," he grumbles, his face buried in Josh's shirt as he presses a kiss to the top of Tyler's head. 

"It's okay, baby. You'll be in bed in, like, twenty seconds, I swear," he promises, and after a moment the metal door is sliding open again onto the fifth floor. 

Josh fumbles for a second with his key, too tired even to get it into the lock without great effort, and then finally they're inside. Josh has an armful of s'mores ingredients and Taco Bell trash, and he tells Tyler to head straight to bed, promising to be in in just a minute to join him. He doesn't give a great deal of care to the task of tidying up after them, simply dumping their garbage into the trash can in the kitchen, shoving the groceries into the fridge, bag and all, and kicking his shoes off at the kitchen door before making his way into the bedroom to join him. 

He chuckles to himself as he walks into the room to see Tyler, snuggled up under the sheets, his jeans, shoes, and coat in a pile on the floor, already passed out in bed. With a grin, he undresses on his way across the room and slithers into the sheets next to him, wrapping his arms around Tyler's waist and pulling him in for a cuddle as he rests his head on the pillow, and within a minute he's asleep too. 

**-**

Tyler wakes up in his dorm room on the morning of his birthday after only a couple hours of sleep. He feels nauseated to his core as soon as his eyes open, waking from a dream about his mother. He can't remember specifics, but the dread that fills him and makes his stomach twist in knots tells him it can't have been good. 

He has dedicated every day of the past week to music, or at least, he tried to. His Thursday spent with Josh had given him enough determination to record more vocals, write more lyrics, push himself to really work, but their separation has proven trying. His motivation has dwindled as fear and doubt have taken over, and it's gotten to the point that his Monday and Tuesday were spent mostly in his dorm room, an empty page in front of him, a pen in his unmoving hand, a mental storm brewing over what Wednesday may hold. 

And now it's here. 

He just lays in bed for a few minutes, willing the day away, wishing it over and done with. He just wants to deal with the consequences already, the path to the other side seeming like an insurmountable mountain. He still doesn't know what on Earth he's going to say, how to organically begin the conversation with his mother that may well change his life forever. Dealing with the aftermath seems almost like the easy part in comparison with actually saying the words, coming up with the script. 

The voice in his head has been getting louder and louder as the days have worn on, this supermassive black hole of worry growing in his chest with its every word. 'Don't tell her. You're making a mistake. She is going to hate you. She'll cast you out. You're living in sin and your family will loathe you for it. They'll never accept you. Don't tell her. You're making a mistake.'

Lather, rinse, repeat. 

He tries in vain to fight the voice with thoughts of Zack, of how accepting he was. Perhaps his mother will think in the same way, that he's the same Tyler he's always been, that this won't make a difference. But what if Zack was lying? What if that was all for show? What if he already told them all and his family hates him already?

Unable to stand it another second, Tyler throws the blankets off himself and stands up, rubbing his eyes. He'll just have to face the day one little step at a time. Shower. Get dressed. Drive home. Knock on the door. Potentially ruin his entire life. 

Maybe just start with the shower, he thinks to himself. 

He spends much too long under the stream of hot water from the shower head, just standing there as his mind races, until his fingertips are pruning from it. He takes his time meticulously cleaning every inch of himself, well aware that he's stalling for time. As much as he's telling himself to focus on each moment alone, his thoughts keep going to the conversation that's looming over him. Coming out to Zack seems like a walk in the park, respectively. As much as that had frightened him at the time, that fear pales in comparison to the turmoil he's feeling today. 

Shutting off the water, he tells himself to stop it. All this worrying won't change anything, and it certainly isn't helping. He dries off a little before wrapping a towel around his waist and heading back into the dorm room. Heading over to his drawers, he chuckles to himself at the idea of wearing his 'JOSH'S BOY FREN' sweater back home and coming out to his mom via its blaring declaration. That ought to go down well. 

Once he's pulled on underwear, some jeans and a loose tank top, Tyler moves across the room to wake up Brendon. What he really needs right now is Josh, who would need only a sentence or two to cease the fluttering of Tyler's heart, his sweating palms, his churning stomach. But he doesn't have Josh right now. What he does have is his best friend. 

"Hey, Beebo," Tyler hisses, shaking him awake, and Brendon groans. 

"Tyler? What time is it?" he mumbles, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. 

"Sorry, man. It's early. I'm heading back home soon, just figured I'd say goodbye," he smiles, sitting at the foot of his bed. 

"Oh shit, yeah! Happy birthday," Brendon grins, sitting up. "I'm totally broke right now, so I didn't buy you anything, I'm a crummy friend, I'm sorry," he smiles guiltily. 

"Don't be stupid, man! It's fine," Tyler starts, but Brendon holds up a hand to silence him before reaching into the drawers beside his bed and taking out a package to hand to him. 

"It's not great or anything, but..." Brendon trails off. 

"Is this kitchen foil?" Tyler laughs, looking at the crinkly, silver wrapping of the gift. 

"Like I said, I'm broke!" Brendon laughs as Tyler starts peeling back the aluminium. 

It reveals a photo album with a hand written 'Happy Birthday Tyler' on the front, around a picture of Tyler and Brendon wearing matching Christmas sweaters and huge, cheesy grins. Tyler's smile resembles the one on his face in the picture as he opens the book to find scrapbook pages covered in messages and memories, movie ticket stubs, notes passed between them in class. 

"Oh my God, where did you get all this stuff?!" Tyler chuckles as he looks fondly at a picture of the two of them clobbered in muck, their arms around one another, by a river near their childhood homes. They can't be older than thirteen in the picture. 

"I asked my mom to send me them from back home. I figured it'd help you on those cold, lonely nights when you're crying because you miss me so bad," he laughs, and Tyler leans over to pull him into a tight, squeezing hug. 

"Thank you, Brendon. This is amazing. It's better than anything you could have bought," he gushes, relinquishing his vicelike grip. 

"You're welcome, T-bag! I'm glad you like it," he beams, and then Tyler lets out a loud sigh. 

"I am so not ready for today," he groans, burying his face in his hands. 

"Hey, yo, you can do this, Tyler. It's gonna be okay, you're gonna do fine," Brendon encourages him, rubbing a hand in circles on his back. "C'mon, chin up. Just think of how fuckin' great it's gonna be when you don't have to worry about all this shit anymore. You won't have to hide it anything."

"Yeah, I can't wait for that bit. It's just getting there I don't wanna do. But you're right, I just gotta do it," he sighs again, sitting up straight. 

"You are gonna be fine, okay? And tell me everything, I wanna know right away," he insists, and Tyler laughs. Brendon can never resist gossip. 

"I will. I promise. Just... Wish me luck, okay?" he asks, almost pleading. 

"I'll be sending you good vibes all day, man. But you won't even need it, you'll be fine!" Tyler stands up with a stretch, moving to grab a hoody from the back of the door. "And hey, happy birthday, man! I hope you get more cake because I totally ate the last piece of your other one last night."

"Thanks, man," Tyler laughs, grabbing his backpack from beside his bed and shoving his feet into his beaten up Vans. "I'll talk to you later okay?"

"Yeah, take it easy, T-bag," Brendon calls as he heads out the door, and suddenly Tyler is very alone. Only the voice in his head is keeping him company, and it doesn't make for great conversation. 

As he makes his way downstairs, a gasp escapes him once he gets his first look outside. Everything is covered with at least an inch of crisp, untouched, white snow. It falls delicately in tiny snow flakes all around, dancing in the wind as they drift lazily down, and the just rising sun gives everything a golden glow. Tyler regrets his decision to wear only a hoody and a vest the moment he opens the door and the cold rushes in around him, but the beauty of his surroundings has him caring a lot less. He always loves it when it snows on his birthday. 

He can see his breath in clouds around him as he starts up the car, wishing he had gloves when he grabs the steering wheel to find it cold enough he wouldn't be surprised if his hands got stuck. As he pulls out of the parking lot, he glances in his rear view mirror to see the tracks he's laid out in the snow, and it fills him wish a childish giddiness. He hopes there's enough back home that he and his brother might be able to build a snowman, like they used to when they were kids. 

The snow still falling and laying heaped by ploughs on the sides of the roads provides a beautiful distraction for a little while, but before long Tyler's thoughts are back on their favourite topic and his stomach starts to churn again. Dread is filling him to the brim, anxiety telling him to turn back, to change his mind, begging him not to tell, but his mind is set and he's sticking to his guns. 

After another half hour of driving, it's becoming evident that the silence is his enemy. No matter how many times he wills himself to focus entirely on driving, to find a distraction, to think of anything else, he keeps going over the same thoughts in his head. Everything will end terribly, there's no way he'll be accepted, this whole thing is a mistake. He tries with all his might to ignore the destructive voice, but it's practically screaming in his head now, the knots in his stomach won't untwist, he can think of nothing else. The voice in his head never listens to him. 

He wishes again and again that he still had his car radio, that he still had music to hide behind. He tries singing to himself on more than one occasion, but the songs never last for long enough and he always ends up pulled back into the cesspit in his head, drowning in thoughts he can't escape. He's sure he breaks the speed limit more than once, just wanting to get his journey over with. The only way these thoughts will stop is if he gets the conversation over and done with. At this rate he might end up greeting his mother at the door with the words, "I'm gay."

He attempts, once or twice, to plan out how the talk is going to go, trying to come up with some new way to phrase the words that won't seem like a devastating blow to his mother, but none come to him. There is no way to break this news that won't crush her, and that thought panics him more than any other. It's with great relief that he finally turns into the street he grew up on, shutting off his car with a sigh. This is the last time he'll have to sit in uncertainty where this issue is concerned. The last time his mother will be in the dark about her son's sexuality. 

If anything, this reflection only serves to terrify him further, and he unbuckles his seatbelt to exit the car onto the snowy street. Locking up his car, he smiles to see that the snow on his front lawn is thicker than it was back in Athens. Maybe he and Zack can have a snowball fight. 

He trudges up the path, seeing a set of footprints that have left, but haven't yet returned, and guesses they're probably his father's. He'll be at work today, although by the looks of things, his siblings are all still at home. Jogging up the porch steps, Tyler knocks on the front door, still not feeling ready for this visit to begin. He wishes he had Josh standing beside him, squeezing his hand and telling him everything is going to be okay. 

"Tyler?" his mother's voice comes from the doorway, pulling him from his thoughts. "Don't be silly, sweetheart, you never have to knock, this is your home! How are you, hon?"

"Hey mom," he smiles as she pulls her son into a tight, squeezing hug. "I'm doing great thanks!" Lie. "How are you?"

"Oh, I'm fine, darling. How's college been?" she asks, words going a mile a minute as she leads Tyler into the house by the hand. 

"Yeah, college is fine." Lie. "How's everyone else?"

"We're all doing great, honey. Everybody's working away, and of course training hard. Zack's looking to take your spot as best player in the school now!" her eyes light up and her chest swells with pride as she talks, and it's strange to Tyler how little it all seems to matter to him now that he's removed from it. Basketball was once his life, and now he doesn't spare it a passing thought. "So what have you been up to?"

It's a difficult question to answer when his mother is the one asking, and Tyler tries to think of what parts she might like to hear. "I've been playing a lot of music," he offers with a smile. 

"Oh, well that's nice. What about your classes?" she asks, quickly changing the subject. He tries not to feel too hurt by her disinterest. 

"Well, we just read a really great play before Thanksgiving break. All My Sons by Arthur Miller, I think I'm gonna get a really good grade on that essay," he tells her, leaving out the fact that he's skipped his classes this week. One disappointment at a time. 

"That's great news, Tyler. You know your father and I are so proud of you for dedicating so much time to your studies, you know that," she beams at him. 

Ouch. 

"Hey, is Zack awake yet?" he asks, searching for an escape from the discussion of his education. 

"I haven't seen him yet, maybe you can go wake him up! I can get started on making everybody breakfast," she grins and he nods. 

"Sure thing, I'll bring Maddy and Jay down too," he bubbles, bouncing out of the room and jogging upstairs. 

He knocks softly on the door to the room he used to share with his brother and, after a few moments of silence, goes in anyway. He sees the outline of his brother gently rising and falling as he breathes, a great mound on the mattress covered by his duvet. With a giggle, Tyler throws himself down on top of Zack in a heap, hearing an, "Oof!" from under the covers as he sticks the landing. 

"G'morning, little brother!" Tyler sings in a cheery voice, laughing again as Zack groans. 

"Dude, an alarm clock woulda been fine," he moans, throwing the blanket off his face and rubbing his eyes. 

"Aren't you excited to see me?! It's been so frightfully long!" Tyler wails dramatically, rolling around on top of the sheets and earning him a chortle from his brother. 

"Yeah. Happy birthday, bro! Just gimme a minute to wake up and I'll get excited with you," he grumbles, stretching out across the bed. 

"Hey, so a few things. First, I'm gonna come out to mom today," Tyler starts, feeling his lungs constrict as he almost whispers the words. Suddenly everything is incredibly real and much too close. 

"Oh, wow, okay," Zack responds, sitting up and looking serious. "Do you know what you're gonna say?"

"Absolutely no clue, I am _terrified_ , let's not dwell on it. Second, I think, well no, I know I'm gonna leave college," he hushes, heart skipping a beat, and Zack's eyes widen. 

"Shoot! Does mom know?" he asks, keeping his voice down. 

"Heck no! Not yet anyway, but one thing at a time, little brother. So, anyway, third is that I wanna play music instead," Tyler goes on, and Zack interrupts briefly. 

"Sweet!"

"Thanks," Tyler smiles, "but yeah, I've been writing a lot and there's this one song... It's about- well, I was just wondering. Uhh, would you wanna, like, do some lyrics with me for it? I mean, you don't have to! I just thought-"

Zack cuts off his rambling, "Dude, that sounds awesome! I'd love to!" he grins, and Tyler beams at him. 

"Sick! That's so sick. You could come out to Athens if you wanted? We could record it and everything, and you could meet Josh," Tyler has said it before even thinking it through, and he blushes a little as he begins to backtrack. "I mean, if you wanted to, you don't have to, we can just-"

"Tyler! That sounds awesome, dude," Zack grins, and Tyler leans over to pull him in for a hug. 

"Thanks, man. Hey, one more thing! Could you help me get my keyboard into my car? I wanna take it back with me, but lord knows I'm not getting that thing in on my own," he asks, and Zack chuckles. 

"Of course! You wanna go now?" Zack grins, throwing back the covers and moving to the side of his bed. 

"Nah, first we gotta wake up Jay and Maddy and go have breakfast," Tyler smiles, standing up. "I'll see you next door."

*****

"Bring it up a little on your side," Tyler calls across his piano to Zack. The back seats of his car are folded down and the two of them are wedging his keyboard and the vintage piano body encasing it into the trunk of his car. It's a tight fit, but they just manage to wiggle it in. 

"Not bad," Zack smirks as Tyler slams the lid shut and locks the back of his car. 

"Yeah, thanks man," Tyler smiles, looking around the yard. 

It's late afternoon, the sun creeping down towards the horizon and lighting the skies up in pinks and purples. A snowman stands, resplendent, near the fence around the front garden, a collaborative effort between Tyler and his siblings. He wears a scarf and hat, and surveys the scene of the battleground left behind after a lengthy snowball fight, Tyler's hands still a little frozen in the aftermath. With a wistful sigh, he turns back to Zack. 

"I think it's time," he utters, and Zack gives him a pat on the back in solidarity. 

"I'll take Maddy and Jay upstairs. Give you guys some privacy, yeah?" he offers, and Tyler's heart is beating a mile a minute. 

"Yeah man, that would be good," Tyler agrees, attempting a smile, but it ends up as more of a grimace. 

"Hey, you're gonna be okay," Zack tries to reassure him, giving him another pat on the back, then he heads towards the door, Tyler reluctantly following. 

"Alright guys, let's go play PlayStation in my room!" Zack calls out once they're in the living room, and Tyler's two youngest siblings jump up from the couch where they were watching TV. 

"Only if you let us play this time!" Maddy whines, and Jay nods in agreement.

"Yeah, you can't just make us watch you again," he chimes in, and Zack laughs. 

"Okay, I promise! C'mon," Zack corrals them upstairs, and then Tyler is standing in front of his mother alone, his heart pounding wildly, his palms sweating, his mouth dry as hot sand. 

She looks up at him with a smile, and he feels ready to burst into tears as he meets her eyes. A crease of worry appears on her forehead as she sees his expression, and he knows that he can't back out now. This is it. 

"Tyler, honey, what's wrong?" she asks in a sugary sweet voice, dripping with love and concern as she pats the couch cushion beside her for him to sit down. 

With a gulp and a deep breath, Tyler takes a seat and turns to her. "Okay, so, mom, you know how I told you there was someone I met out at college that I really liked?" he chokes out, in utter disbelief that he's actually managing to get the sentences out. 

Is he really about to do this? It doesn't feel like real life, he feels lost in a dream, floating above himself, watching the scene below play out and powerless to stop it. He feels bile rising in his throat as panic explodes in his chest, his stomach twisting in anticipation. He has no idea what's about to happen, but he feels like it won't be pretty. 

"Oh, Tyler, I was so hoping you'd bring that up! You haven't told me anything since that phone call!" his mother gushes, grinning huge as she puts a hand on his knee.

It breaks Tyler's heart to have to tear that grin away, to break the hope that's obviously burning inside her, thoughts of marriage and daughters in law and grandchildren. To have to take all of that from her, to leave her entirely aware of what a disappointment of a son she's raised, it will destroy her. And Tyler is going to have to be the one to pull the pin on the grenade. He gets that same almost uncontrollable impulse to run, just like he had with Zack. He needs to find a tree and climb it, to hide forever. But no. This needs to be done. For Josh's sake, for his mother's sake, and for himself. 

"I'm in love, mom," Tyler tells her, a little smile playing on his lips despite the panic attack he's on the brink of. 

He keeps thinking thoughts of Josh, of his smile, his laughter, and takes a few deep breaths before continuing, the thought of his boyfriend calming him the tiniest fraction. 

"Crazy, stupid, head-over-heels, Hollywood movie love," he grins and his mother looks as though she could squeal. 

"Oh Tyler! Tyler, this is wonderful! Oh, sweetheart, I am so, so happy for you, we've been waiting so long! Oh, what's she like?!" she babbles and Tyler's heart sinks. 

This is it. Her short lived happiness is about to be pulled out from under her. He takes a deep, gasping breath, curling his hands into fists as he forces the words out. 

"His name is Josh."

The words hang in the air for what feels like an eternity, and all Tyler can hear is his furiously thundering heart in his ears. He feels that familiar sensation, like a balloon being slowly inflated in his chest, every breath harder to draw, more laborious. Her expression is unreadable as he searches her eyes for an answer, panicking more with every pressing second, until she finally meets his gaze, her eyes filled with tears. 

"Tyler, I think you better go." Her words are monotonous, her expression still unreadable, and it takes a moment for what she's said to sink in. 

Tyler feels completely detached from himself as he calmly stands up, a tear running down his mother's face as she watches him. His thoughts are entirely blank, not a single word coming to him as he backs away from her silently, grabbing his bag from the table. 

She hates him. She doesn't want to talk to him ever again. It's everything he'd feared and he's utterly speechless. His mother doesn't say another word as she watches him walk towards the front hall, and he pauses just as he's about to leave the room. One thought has sprung to his mind, with the disappointment now showing on her face. 

Leaning against the doorframe, he meets her eye contact, still feeling utterly separate from the moment he's in. His voice comes out surprisingly even, not a crack or a quiver, just flat and to the point. "While I'm disappointing you, I'm going to drop out of college, too."

And with that, he turns on his heel and marches out the front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm REALLY SORRY about the wait, I hope this was worth it. Thank you all ❤️


	42. Confessing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a short one in quick succession for all the frens who voted that way, because inspiration was flowing and this way everybody is getting what they want!  
> (Bonus, it's not even _that_ short!)  
>  Very brief mention of suicide contemplation in this chapter, as well as an equally brief mention of something loosely tied to self-harm. Please stay safe, frens, and stay alive ❤️

Tyler doesn't even slam the door behind him. He closes it calmly and starts making his way down the front path, towards his car across the street. If he was forced to provide a word for what he's feeling, he supposes he'd choose anger. But that's not quite right. He isn't just angry, he's all sorts of things all at once. Confused, scared, upset, distraught, lost, terrified, even a little relieved. He's completely overwhelmed, and the way his body is dealing with this sudden onslaught of emotions is to shut down entirely. 

He's getting into his car now, stony faced, fists clenching and unfurling as he closes the door and fastens his seatbelt. He doesn't spare another glance at the house, starting up his engine and pulling away as his breaths start to get shallower and shorter. He makes it out of the street his family live on and drives past about five minutes worth of tidy houses with picket fences, perfect suburbia passing by out the window, until he finally comes to a straight, empty of cars, with a grassy verge. He pulls over at the side of the road, and then he bursts into tears. 

They come thick and fast, flooding down his cheeks as he curls forward in his seat and buries his face in his hands. Sobs wrack his body in great jerks as he struggles to draw in short, staggered breaths. He chokes time and time again, hardly able to draw in air between the guttural sounds emoting from his chest, crying until he has no tears left, and then he just sits there, holding his head and trying to regain control of his lungs. His breaths are still coming in jerky, pathetic little gasps and he just wants to sleep, to curl up in his backseat and let it all fade away. 

He has to get home. A glance at the clock on his dashboard tells him it isn't yet late enough in the afternoon for Josh to be out of work, and the next person he thinks of is Brendon. With a deep breath, the flow of air only hitching once on his inhale, Tyler wipes his face on his sleeves and turns the key in the ignition again. A rogue tear falls from his eye, and he hurriedly brushes it from his cheek with the sleeve of his hoody before gripping the steering wheel tightly and driving off again. 

His thoughts are even worse on the return journey, something he hadn't even thought possible. He had hoped that his drive home would have been some kind of blissful respite from the evil voice in his head, nothing but relief at the idea of never having to hide himself from his mother again. Instead, it's now telling him that he doesn't have to worry about that because he'll never _see_ his mother again. 

His mind goes back to the place it had been the first time he'd driven his new car home from Columbus, how easy it would be to pull the steering wheel into that oncoming car, how quick it would be. However, rather than providing him comfort, it terrifies him. The urge to actually carry out the action hadn't been nearly as prevalent last time. 

He'd also had his radio last time. Tyler can't even bring himself to sing, feeling much too empty inside. He doesn't trust himself not to scream if he opens his mouth. He's speeding again, not even giving a second thought to safety. If he crashes, at least it will be an accident. He can't be blamed if it happens by accident. 

The hour and a half of driving it takes for him to be pulling up outside his dorm building may as well have been a week as far as Tyler is concerned. He's never felt more alone. Family has been the one certain in his life for as long as he can remember. His mother. No matter what happened, even when he and Brendon would fight and fall out as kids, he always had his mother. Her warm arms around him to block out all the bad in the world. Her soothing voice promising that everything will be okay, that she loves him no matter what. 

He bursts into tears again as he locks up his car, and hides his face in his hands as he tries to stem the flow. 

"Get your shit together," he tells himself as he straightens up by his car. It's dark out now, snow still covering the ground all around in the thankfully empty parking lot. 

Other cars sit abandoned around him, covered in snow that glistens like glitter in the glow of the lamps around the lot. He takes a deep breath, looking up to the sky and wiping his cheeks. One half of his heart hopes with all its might that Brendon is in the room, he can't bear to be alone any longer, but the other half hopes he isn't, he can't bear to have to tell him what happened, to cement it in words.

With a heavy heart, he drags his feet up the steps and waits for the elevator inside, not able to exert the energy it would take to walk up three flights of stairs. Inside, he just stares at the numbers as they slowly climb. He feels vaguely numb to it all now, a ringing in his ears that won't go away as if he's just been in the blast of a bomb. His heart starts to thump harder in his chest as the lift reaches his floor and the doors slide open. He rummages around for his keys in his backpack as he reaches the door and, carefully, taking a deep breath, unlocks it, pushing it open slowly. 

Brendon is sitting at his laptop with his headphones on, using some kind of music software. With another deep breath, Tyler closes the door, throws his backpack on the ground by his bed and collapses on top of his mattress, face buried in his pillow. 

"Hey, man! I wasn't expecting you home so early. So, how did it go?" he hears Brendon ask as he rolls his computer chair across the room towards him. 

Tyler can't answer, opening his mouth only for no words to escape. He feels his eyes start to sting as he rolls around to look at his friend through tears, still trying to say something, anything, but nothing comes out. 

"Shit," Brendon states bluntly, and he's up like a shot. 

He jumps onto Tyler's bed beside him, wriggling down the mattress to his level, then throws both arms around him and drags into a tight hug. Right away, Tyler breaks down, burying his face in Brendon's chest and dissolving into tears as his friend pulls him in closer, kissing the top of his head.

"Shit, Tyler, I am so sorry. Shit," he consoles him, running a hand in circles on his back. "What happened?"

Tyler tries to talk, but renewed sobs take over and he hides his face in Brendon's chest again, every inch of him exhausted from so much crying. He's not sure how he's managing to produce so many tears, surprised he isn't shrivelling up from all the water loss. After a minute or so, he manages to get a grip on his crying, taking a shaky breath. 

"It was just us," he starts in a stuffy, nasal voice. "In the living room, we sat on the couch. I had told her there was someone I liked before, on the phone." A few stray tears fall down his cheek and Brendon wipes them away as he continues, voice quavering. "She got all excited when I brought it up, she thought it was a girl." He's crying properly again, Brendon's efforts abandoned as more hot tears spill over the brim of his bottom eyelids. "I just say, 'His name is Josh', and she's all quiet. Then she tells me to get out. And I did."

Another sob tears through him as he hides his face in the sleeve of his hoody, and Brendon lets out a loud groan above him. "Listen, Tyler, I'm sorry. I know she's your mom, but what a fucking bitch! You're her fucking son! What the fuck is her problem?!"

Tyler flinches a little at his words, not ready to hear a bad word spoken about her. He knows Brendon is only trying to help, but it isn't his mother's fault. It's his. She just wants a son she can be proud of, he's the one who's letting his entire family down. 

"Oh, yeah," Tyler mutters, wiping his face for the hundredth time. "I told her I was leaving college right before I left. That's the last thing I said."

"Shit, you badass!" Brendon cries with a grin, and Tyler giggles a little. 

"She's probably had a brain aneurysm in the time it took me to get back," he replies, a tiny smirk growing on his face. 

"Good!" Brendon shouts, and Tyler frowns again. "Sorry, man. I'm just mad. That's so incredibly shit of her. I'm just mad for you."

"I don't blame her," Tyler mumbles in a quiet voice, and Brendon pulls back. 

"What?! What are you talking about? You think it's okay to kick out your gay son?!" he demands, and Tyler shakes his head. 

"No, of course not. Just, like, that's what she believes. It's all she knows. Heck, I believed it too for the longest time. I spent years hating myself, thinking I was sick and messed up and a sinner and disgusting and all that stuff. I tried to pray for it to change, for God to make me 'right', for it to just go away. I thought I wasn't gonna be allowed to love anyone my whole life, because God thought it was wrong," Tyler catches himself before he goes on. He's never talked to anybody about this, not even his best friend. "I just know what she's going through. Because I've been there."

"Wow, I never even... I didn't know that. Sorry, Tyler. I didn't realise-" Tyler cuts Brendon off. 

"It's okay. But it wasn't until I lost faith that I really started to accept myself. I don't know if religion and being gay can go hand in hand. I... I don't know if she'll ever-" Tyler bursts into tears again, and Brendon pulls him back into their hug. 

"Hey, if she isn't gonna love you for who you are, you don't need her, Tyler. You've got friends who fucking love you, for exactly who you are. You're never gonna be alone, okay? We all love you so much," Brendon tells him, kissing to top of Tyler's head again. 

He decides not to tell Brendon how incredibly wrong he is. 

*****

"Hey, Tyjo, wake up!" Brendon shouts out as he slams the dorm room door, jolting Tyler from his sleep. 

He's in a cold sweat as he sits up in the bed, disorientated, the last few scenes of his dream floating away from him like smoke. Something about his mother, she was crying, telling him how disappointed in him she was, what a sorry excuse of a son he is...

"We're gonna drink all your problems away," Brendon announces, flouncing down at the foot of Tyler's bed and producing a brown, paper bag. 

Tyler looks around the room with bleary eyes, still a little confused. "What happened?" he asks dumbly, rubbing at his face. 

"You cried yourself to sleep, kiddo. It was totally emo, and I didn't wanna wake you up. Being so miserable must be totally exhausting," Brendon smirks, and the only thing that seems exhausting right now is the idea of dealing with Brendon's relentlessly upbeat attitude. 

As he runs his hands down his face, Tyler feels a sharp pain in his right forearm and looks down to see that, in his sleep, he has resorted to his old coping mechanism of scratching his skin until it bleeds for the first time in years. He hisses a little as he runs his left hand over the area of broken skin, smearing a little blood across his arm. 

"Shit, this again?" Brendon frowns, looking at his arm, and Tyler stares down at the bedsheets in his lap. 

"I must've done it in my sleep," he mumbles quietly to the blankets. "I didn't know."

"Hey, chin up, kid. In, hmm, half an hour? None of it is even gonna matter," Brendon grins, and he moves over to the small kitchen area to grab two shot glasses from the cupboard and a couple of cans of Red Bull from the fridge. 

He makes his way back over to Tyler's bed and unceremoniously dumps everything on top of the mattress, then moves up to the head of the bed and holds his arms out to Tyler, who's still covered by the duvet. Tyler takes his outstretched hands and let's himself be pulled to his feet, realising that he's just in his socks. 

"Did you take off my shoes and tuck me in?" Tyler asks, laughing just slightly. His voice is still distorted from crying, sounding stuffed up and croaky. 

"I mean, what're friends for, man, right? C'mere," Brendon grabs Tyler by the hands again and pulls him into a tight, warm embrace, using the inch or two he has on him to kiss the top of his head. "You are gonna be okay, okay? You are strong and you can fight this. You can write some great emo songs about it and everything."

Tyler really does laugh at this as he pulls back from their hug. "Yeah, I think I will. I already have a couple rattling around up here," he knocks his knuckles against his head, perhaps a little too hard, but neither of them mention it. 

"Okay, so!" Brendon starts, straightening up the sheets and sitting, cross legged, on Tyler's bed, patting the space next to him for Tyler to join him. "Am I to believe that you have been drunk a grand total of once, off of some beer?" he asks, and Tyler nods. "Well, think of me as your dad instead of your mom this evening. Son," he's putting on a gruff, 'dad' voice as he talks now, and Tyler giggles a little. "Tonight, you're going to become a man, because we're going to drink whiskey."

Brendon reaches into his brown paper bag and pulls out a large bottle of Jack Daniels, the amber liquid inside even just _looking_ intimidating and sophisticated. Tyler grimaces a little as he swallows, looking at the bottle in slight disdain. 

"I dunno, Brendon," he starts, but his friend won't hear it. 

"It'll be great! I'll look after you. We'll do shots and we have Red Bull chasers, what could go wrong? C'mon, forget about all the bullshit and let's just have some fun!" he encourages, and Tyler relents. 

"Okay, fine, but just one or two," he pleads as Brendon cracks open the bottle with a grin, holding up one of the tiny glasses and filling it right up to the brim. 

"Sure, sure, T-bag. Whatever you say," he laughs, passing Tyler the glass, and he takes it. 

This feels like a horrible decision, but he's been making so many of those recently. What's one more?

*****

Brendon is trying hard to get Tyler to drink his way through his anger and sadness over his mother. He keeps handing Tyler freshly poured shots, and his promise of 'just one or two' is turning into five or six. Between shots and laughing and talking, he gets drunk in about twenty minutes, but they keep going until both of them are rosy-cheeked and giggling, their words slurring around the edges

"I have only slept like four hours out of the last forty something, man," Brendon tells Tyler, his eyes a little bloodshot, and Tyler giggles. Everything is ever so funny all of a sudden. "I've been trying to write songs but I swear to God I'm going fucking loopy, I tried to eat a hotdog with toothpaste on it instead of mustard earlier. Like I went to the mother fucking bathroom and put the toothpaste on it and I didn't even fucking realise until I took a bite. I get retarded when I'm sleepy."

Tyler bursts out laughing, his great belly laugh that infects anyone who hears it. It's a moment before he can gather himself to speak. "That's problematic," Tyler informs him, wobbling slightly where he sits. 

"Fuckin' tell me about it," Brendon declares dramatically, spilling a little of the whiskey in his shot glass as he gesticulates. "The songs are probably gonna end up being about candy floss narwhals and unicorns made of purple mist, or some retarded shit," he sighs, running a hand down his face.

"No, I mean the way you're using that word. You can't say that, it's, like, offensive to people who are..." Tyler attempts, but he's cut off. 

"Retarded?" Brendon offers. 

"Brendon! Stop it!" Tyler whines, and Brendon cackles. 

"You so PC, T-bag," he scoffs, then his face straightens. "Hey, so you wanna play music, right?" he asks, raising en eyebrow. 

"Umm, yes?" Tyler's response is more of a question itself, he has no idea where Brendon is going with this. 

"And, so, you should be playing live shows then, right?" Brendon goes on, a grin growing on his face, and Tyler lets out a tipsy giggle. 

"Well, yeah, but-" Brendon cuts him off again. 

"Great! So it's decided then, you're playing a show with me," he grins, and Tyler looks startled until he goes on, "it's nothing formal. Will's frat, remember Sigma Chi? That one other time you got wasted."

Tyler bursts out laughing, remembering the hazy night at the frat house. He hadn't been even nearly as intoxicated then as he is now, and it takes him a minute to organise his thoughts and register what Brendon is saying. 

"Wait, play? Like, playing music? In front of people?" he stutters, and Brendon rolls his eyes with an exasperated sigh. 

"Yes, Tyler, that's what a show is. God, you're a featherweight. I gotta catch up," and with that, he lifts the bottle of Jack Daniels and starts chugging the whiskey straight. 

"Euurgh, you're soooo gross," Tyler slurs, giggling, and Brendon smirks at him. 

"I'm just trying to get as sloppy as you, T-bag. I forgot what a messy drunk you are," he grins, taking another swig. "So you're gonna play with me, yeah?"

"I mean, yeah, I guess. Thanks, Beebo. I need to get used to the idea of, like, singing in front of people. They'll all be super wasted though, right?" he asks, a little worried, even with his inhibitions lowered so drastically by alcohol, at the prospect of performing for a crowd, however small said crowd may be. 

"Oh, God, yeah. They'll be off their faces, you could literally go out there and scream, plucking random uke strings, and they'd think you're a champion. It'll be great!" he cheers, with another gulp of whiskey, and Tyler is suddenly excited by the idea. 

"Yeah, okay! That sounds awesome," he beams, and Brendon lets out a triumphant yell. 

"Yes! You agreed to it, no backsies, it's in two days," he smirks, and Tyler is suddenly thrust into drunken panic, which isn't a good combination. 

"Wait, what?! Two days?! Like two days from today?! Brendon, I can't!" he wails, taking quick, little breaths. "No way. There is absolutely _no fricking way_ ," he crosses his arms across his chest like a stubborn child. "I'm not good enough. I need to practice; I need to write! I can't do it. No way."

"Tyler, of course you can do it!" Brendon slurs, his words blurring together. "I know you can, you know you can. You'll be amazing. This is what you want!"

"I know," Tyler breathes, utterly torn. "I want it so bad, but I can't! I'm not ready. It wouldn't be any good. They'd hate me. No. I can't."

"Tyler, Tyler, Tyler, yes you _can_!" Brendon calls out, pressing a kiss to Tyler's forehead, just like Josh does. "You are an amazing musician," he assures him with a hiccup, pressing kisses to his cheeks, "you are talented, and you are incredible, and you are kind," he's trailing kisses over his nose and pecking them to his chin as he continues, "you are a great singer, you're a great songwriter, you're fucking beautiful," he pecks a kiss to Tyler's lips at that, and Tyler thinks nothing of it. That is, until Brendon's doing it again, slower this time, scraping his teeth along Tyler's bottom lip, a hand coming up to cup the back of his head, fingers tangling in his hair, and then his sluggish brain is kicking into gear and he shoves Brendon off of him. 

"Woah, wait, what was that?!" he demands, suddenly feeling intensely nauseated, and he's not sure whether it's from the alcohol in his stomach or what Brendon just did. "What the _fuck_ , Brendon?!" 

"Shit, Tyler, I'm sorry. I don't even know- I haven't been sleeping, I'm just tired, and the alcohol and... Shit. I'm sorry. Fuck," Brendon babbles, running his hand through the back of his hair. "It didn't mean anything, I was just wrapped up in what I was saying. Which is all true! I just. Fuck. I need sleep, I'm sorry, Tyler."

Tyler just sits there, mind still running too slowly for him to form a coherent train of thought. A part of him thinks everything is absolutely fine, it was just a kiss, everyone should be kissing! Tyler should kiss everyone! But the sober part of his brain is asking him what Josh would be saying if he were in the room? How would he feel about what just happened? And that's the part that's making him feel like he could vomit. 

"Tyler? Jesus, I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't thinking!" Brendon blathers, alcohol still mixing his words together. 

"Yeah, uhh, we should just go to bed," Tyler utters, head still swimming from the alcohol. Even under the shrouded haze of intoxication, Tyler knows that this is bad. Very bad. He's barely managing to keep his head above water as he swims, way out of his depth, in his thoughts. Thoughts of his mother, of leaving college, of Brendon leaving, of Brendon _kissing him_. 

Brendon wordlessly stands up from the bed, taking their empty cans and dirty glasses over to the kitchen sink, stumbling a little, then slinking over to his own bed and slithering between his sheets, facing the wall. Staring at his back, Tyler takes a deep breath. He has a _lot_ of shit to deal with in the morning. 

Leaning over to his bedside cabinet, Tyler checks the time and a painful twinge of hurt shoots through his chest as he sees Josh's name on his screen. It's just gone midnight, and the text is from about a half hour before. 

Josh: **Hey, baby boy. Am I still gonna get to see you on your birthday? xx**

Tears roll down Tyler's cheeks for the thousandth time that day, stinging like acid as they leave his eyes and carve white hot tracks down his over-sensitive skin. He had forgotten all about his promise to Josh, that he'd get to see him for a little bit at least before midnight on his actual birthday. Tyler never breaks a promise. 

He gets another pang of hurt in his chest, guilt bubbling up in that familiar black tarpit inside his stomach, clawing at his brain inside his skull. He locks his phone screen again, deciding to deal with all of it tomorrow. Right now, he's exhausted and he's miserable and he's drunk. He just wants sleep to take him, for it all to fade to black for a few hours, for all of it to just go away. With a great, heaving sigh, Tyler flicks off his bedside lamp and lies back in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Of course, he can't sleep, and one lone thought swirls in circles around his head. 

'What have you done?'

*****

The next morning, Tyler wakes up with a wicked hangover, his head throbbing, feeling like he could throw up at any second. Even more wicked is the clawing guilt that hits him fresh as he remembers what happened the night before. He forces his eyes open and turns to see Brendon's bed empty and unmade. The bathroom door is lying open, and Tyler is so thankful that he doesn't have to deal with an awkward encounter involving Brendon just yet. 

But he really needs to talk to Josh. 

Taking a deep breath, he picks his phone up, Josh's message still waiting, unanswered, on his screen, and he pulls up his contact information to call him. Holding the phone to his ear, Josh picks up on the second ring. 

"Tyler?! Is everything okay?" Josh asks, sounding out of breath, as if he's run to answer Tyler's call, and he feels tears stinging his eyes right away. 

"Jishwa, I'm so sorry," he croaks, out, meaning it more than Josh could possibly know. "I'm sorry I didn't come round last night. I'm sorry I didn't call." He stops to swallow hard, trying his best not to break down in tears. 

"Ty, baby, is everything alright?" he asks again. 

"No," Tyler answers truthfully in a tiny voice, and a tear spills over his cheek. "Yesterday... It didn't go well," he lets out a little choked up sound, and Josh makes a noise that sits somewhere between concern and despair.

"Do you need me to come over?" Josh offers right away, and it only makes Tyler cry more. Anyone else would be upset with him for breaking his promise, for not showing up, for not replying to texts. But not Josh. He's nothing but caring and supportive, just like always. 

"Yes, please," Tyler murmurs, sniffling, and he can hear movement on the other end. 

"Sit tight, baby boy. I'll be right over, I promise," Josh tells him, and Tyler breaks out into sobs. "Baaaby," Josh croons into the phone, "ssh, it's okay. I'm gonna be right there, you just need to be okay for ten minutes, alright?"

And Tyler only cries harder still. Josh is so wonderfully perfect, so incredibly patient and caring, completely disregarding everything Tyler has done wrong, dropping everything to come to him because he's upset. How could he do this to him? He can't manage a reply, he's crying so hard, and Josh sounds frantic through the receiver. 

"Ty, baby, please, just be okay for a little while. Just stay there, and I'll be with you so soon. Please, just be okay," he's babbling, huffing out breaths into the phone as he gets himself ready to leave. 

"Y-yeah," Tyler chokes out, then takes a moment to inhale deeply, the breath getting caught in his throat. "Yeah," he tries again, "I-I'm okay, I mean. I'm here. I'm sorry."

"Don't you dare apologise, Tyler. I'm gonna go now, okay? But only because I'm leaving, I'll see you in just a minute, okay?" Josh is talking in hushed tones, his voice soothing if somewhat grainy through the connection. 

"I love you, Josh. I love you so, so much," Tyler gets out before another sob overcomes him, and Josh hums. 

"I love you too, baby boy. Just sit tight."

And with that, the line goes dead. Tyler collapses back down on the bedsheets, his head aching, both with his hangover and with the war waging behind his face and above his throat. For the third time in much too short a period, he's trying to plan out a script for what to say in some dreadful scenario, this time with Josh. How on Earth does he tell him what he's done. 

Tears soak his hair and get into his ears as he lies on his back, staring up at the ceiling, lost in his own thoughts. The silence is pressing in on him on all sides, leaving him to fight his internal battles all alone. He isn't even aware of the time passing until there's a knock at the door, and his heart jumps from his chest into his throat. 

He can't breathe. This time, it's not like a balloon slowly inflating in his chest, it's like huge, tight, metal rings constricting around his ribs. His insides are being crushed and he can't draw in any air at all. Tyler sits up on the bed, scrabbling at the duvet cover as he tries to take in oxygen, and there's another knock at the door. 

"Tyler?" comes Josh's worried voice with another knock, and Tyler doesn't even feel in control of his body as he stands up and makes his way over to let Josh in. He still doesn't feel like he can breathe, a surreal, out-of-body feeling overcoming him as he watches himself open the door. 

"Josh," he utters, before his boyfriend's arms are pulling him in for a tight hug and he's taking in a deep, gasping breath that leaves him as a choked up sob. He breaks down into tears, burying his face in Josh's chest, and Josh does a sort of awkward shimmy into the room, closing the door behind him with his foot. 

He leads Tyler over to his bed, sitting down with him and rubbing circles into his back as he cries. "Baby boy, what happened?" he asks, his voice cracking a little, and Tyler looks up through tears to see Josh's face crumpled with sadness and worry. He hates doing this to him. And it's only going to get worse. 

"M-my mom," Tyler stutters, sitting up and wiping his face on his hoody sleeve, only just realising he hasn't changed out of his clothes since yesterday. He takes a deep breath, trying to condense the story into as few words as possible, and doing his best to hold back his tears. "I had said to her on the phone that there's someone I really like. Yesterday, I told her how in love I am. She thought you were a girl. I told her your name and she-" he chokes again with another sob, but wipes his face in frustration and continues. "She told me to leave. Then I told her I'm dropping out of college, and I left."

"Oh, baby," Josh soothes, pulling Tyler back to lie down on the bed with him. "Baby, I am so, so sorry."

He kisses the top of Tyler's head, reminding him of Brendon the night before, and he starts to cry again. "I got really drunk last night. I'm sorry I didn't call. I feel terrible, I should have come over. It's just, Brendon-" he cuts himself off, not sure where he's going, and Josh pulls him in closer. 

"It's okay, Ty, for real. I'm just glad you're safe, I wish I could have been there with you. I'm sorry you had to do that on your own. But you're so, so brave," Josh gives him a squeeze, kissing his forehead. "I'm so, incredibly proud of you. And your mom..."

Tyler stiffens up a little, not ready to hear another barrage of insults and hatred towards his mother. 

"Your mom loves you, Ty. She loves you with all her heart, and she always will. This is just a big shock, she just needs time to adjust to it. It's a lot to take in, not just that her son is gay but that he's in love with a guy," he presses another kiss to Tyler's forehead. "And that this guy is madly in love with her son. It's just a big change, give her time. She loves you, Ty. She'll come around."

And honestly, miraculously, Tyler feels a little better. Josh, being Josh, knows exactly what to say to calm him down and have him thinking rationally, and now all he can think about is what he's done. He's fucked everything up, just like he always does. How could he do this to Josh?

"Thank you, Jishwa," Tyler whispers, leaning in to peck a kiss to his lips. "I love you so much. So, so much."

"I love you too, baby boy," Josh smiles, pressing their lips together again, and Tyler pushes back, hands burying themselves in Josh's messy, red curls as he takes in his scent, the warmth of his body, the roughness of his stubble and the calluses on his palms as he cups Tyler's cheeks. It might be the last time he gets to appreciate any of these little things. Another stab of pain shoots through his chest as fresh tears roll down his cheeks, and Josh pulls away from their kiss to wipe them away with the pads of his thumbs. 

"Zack is gonna come and meet you," Tyler smiles, desperate to escape the miserable thoughts he's going to have to deal with soon. Just a few more moments of bliss first. 

"Oh yeah? Sick!" Josh grins, wrapping his arms back around Tyler's waist. 

"Yeah, I asked him to do some lyrics for a song I'm working on. He helped me get my piano into the back of my car and everything, it's still outside," Tyler tells him, and Josh beams at him. 

"Amazing! You wanna take it to mine? We can get some coffee or something, get some food into you, maybe take your mind off of stuff?" Josh offers, and Tyler nods. 

"That sounds perfect, but first," immediately, his heart is racing, his mouth is drying up, his palms are sweating and he feels as though he could vomit. Tyler sits up, Josh looking at him curiously, and another tear rolls down Tyler's cheek; how he still has a single tear left to cry is beyond him. He takes a deep breath and forces out the next words, "Something else happened yesterday, that I need to tell you about."

He can't breathe. His throat is closing over, the metal bands are back around his chest and constricting tighter. He's suffocating, and now Josh is sitting up and looking at him with concern. Tyler can feel his heartbeat in every inch of his body, his fingers throbbing with every pulsation, the blood rushing through his ears at a deafening volume. He vaguely recognises Josh's voice saying his name, and he takes in a deep, gasping breath, exhaling slowly. 

"Tyler, what is it? What happened?" Josh is asking, and another tear cascades down Tyler's cheek. 

The voice in his head is screaming. 'Listen to me for once, please, you can't do this, you can't tell him, please, don't do this, you can't, don't tell him, he can't find out.' Never once in all the years he's been battling the voice of his insecurities has it ever plead with him before. It's always vicious and biting and cruel. When it comes to Josh, even that hideous, insecure voice of doubt can't bear to lose him. But Tyler knows he has to tell him. If it were the other way around, he would want to know, and he'd want to find out from Josh, not anybody else. He has to do this. 

"Josh, I love you. I love you so much," Tyler cries, his hands shaking violently as he wipes his tears away, and Josh puts a hand on his thigh. 

"I love you too, Ty. You're scaring me, tell me what's wrong?" he pleads, and Tyler lets out another shaky sob. 

"I, umm... God. I'm so sorry. I am so, so sorry. I love you s-so much," Tyler wails and Josh puts a hand on each of his shoulders. 

"Ty, baby, please. Just tell me," he urges, and Tyler takes a deep breath, biting and tearing skin from his lip. He's terrified, he has no idea how Josh is going to react or what he'll say. Tyler is so scared of breaking or damaging what he and Josh have, he's so afraid to tell him. He steels himself and forces it out. 

"Brendon kissed me," he utters in a tiny voice, and he feels Josh's hands drop from his shoulders. 

"What?" he looks devastated. Crushed. There's so much hurt in his eyes, so much more than Tyler had expected. He feels a sharp pain in his heart as he sees the expression on Josh's face and has to tear his eyes away, his guts wrenching inside him. "Like, you actually kissed?"

Tyler's eyes fill with tears and he doesn't know what to say. He thinks back to Tim's Hallowe'en party, when Josh had been in a very similar situation, but Debby's lips had gotten nowhere near his. Brendon's had been all over Tyler's face. It had seemed like innocent, drunken support from his best friend at the time. Tyler's silence seems to spell his guilt out right away. 

"Why would you do that, Tyler?" Josh tries to say, but it comes out as a coarse whisper, and the pain evident in his voice tears Tyler's heart apart. 

"I pushed him away, Josh, I swear. We were- we'd been drinking, I was drunk and stupid and slow and it just took me a second to realise. I'm sorry," a single tear spills over his lower lid to roll down his cheek as he meets Josh's gaze again. "I'm so, so sorry."

Josh's eyes are filling with tears of their own, and Tyler has never in his life felt like a worse person. Never has he felt so despicable, so pathetic, so lame or disgusting or vile. He's broken the heart of the one person in the whole, entire world that would never break his. Literally the only person he's got left, and he's fucked it all up. 

Josh stands up from the bed, not looking at Tyler as he rubs his hand across the shaved hair at the back of his head. He stares up at the ceiling as he says, "Look, I just need to be alone," then he starts towards the dorm room door. 

"Josh, please!" Tyler cries out, panicking as he stands up and walks towards him. "Please, let me explain, I can-"

"No, Tyler. Just... No."

He turns on his heel and walks out the door, leaving Tyler to break down in the middle of the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literal Satan strikes again.  
> I am really sorry, I know I am the absolute worst, but at least you weren't waiting a week only to be devastated like this? You only had to wait a day or two to have your emotions mercilessly toyed with. I hope you enjoyed the misery and pain!


	43. Forming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's shorter again, but I really didn't wanna leave you guys in that HORRIBLE SUSPENSE any longer. 
> 
> I don't think I'll be able to keep posting updates so frequently like this, but at least you don't need to cry anymore, I AM SORRY IF I MADE YOU CRY

Josh hears a sob from behind him as he turns to leave the dorm room and he desperately wants to spin around and go to Tyler, to comfort him, to wrap his arms around him and tell him everything is going to be okay. But he keeps walking. He feels like his chest is about to burst open. With pain, with sadness, with anger. He feels like he should be crying, but no tears spill over, despite the stinging in his eyes. He's filled with enough rage that he feels like he could punch a hole in a wall, in fact he has to stop himself from punching the wall of the stairwell as he thunders down the stairs two at a time. 

He prays that he runs into Brendon on the way back to his car, that he might see his smarmy face so that he can bury his fist in it. All his talk of looking after Tyler, wanting what's best for him, about how he'd shoot Josh if ever he hurt him, and now twice Brendon's kisses have hurt Tyler deeply. The thought makes him so angry. Tyler trusts his best friend entirely, Josh knows this even if Tyler won't admit it. 

He hasn't been this furious in as long as he can remember. Even when he was an angry, suppressed teenager turning to drums as an outlet, he never had this much raw, unfiltered rage coursing through his veins. For once, he doesn't want to beat the crap out of his instrument, he wants to beat the crap out of Tyler's best friend. 

He can't stand even the thought of Tyler and Brendon being in the same room together, jealousy driving him mad. He thunders across the parking lot to his car, throwing the driver's side open and barrelling inside, then slamming the door after him. His mind races as he turns the key in his ignition to start up his car's engine. Brendon has crossed a line, and big time. There are some boundaries that you just don't push. Tyler is **his** , and nobody else's. Brendon seems to think that he can take him away. 

Josh's anger doesn't stretch to Tyler, though. There are a whole slew of other emotions attached to the part his boyfriend had to play in things. It hurts that Tyler would have let it get as far as Brendon kissing him. He would have had plenty of opportunity to tell him no or to push him away. Debby had tried to kiss Josh at the Hallowe'en party, but she hadn't gotten even close to it. It's not exactly difficult to stop someone if they're coming right at your face, for God's sake. It fills him with so much frustration and sadness that he grips his steering wheel, so hard his knuckles turn white, and he yells and curses until his voice goes hoarse. 

He needs to go back to Tyler. He needs to put a stop to this. He needs to deal with this whole mess. 

**-**

Tyler is huddled in a ball on his bed, sobbing, clutching the little bottle of pills that are supposed to make him happy. He's only taken two, but he hasn't had the courage yet to set the bottle back down. They might not make him happy, but the whole bottle definitely has the potential to end his sadness. What else does he have, really? His family hates him, his best friend is leaving, he's destroyed everything he had with Josh. What point is there in sticking around?

There's still a shooting pain in his chest every time he thinks about Josh, seeing him walk away over and over in his mind, hearing him say, "No, Tyler. Just... No," on repeat. He's fucked it all up. He's ruined everything. He's lost Josh, the only thing he really had to stay alive for anymore. 

It makes him sob harder, the voice in his head screaming at him, 'I told you you'd fuck it up, you fuck everything up, it's what you do best, all you can do is hurt and destroy, and now you've broken his heart and signed your own death wish, you're an idiot, you're a fuck up. You've got nothing now.'

He sobs harder still, his whole body shaking, the pills in his hand seeming more and more tempting by the minute, until he hears a knock at the door. Sitting up with a start, he wipes his soaking face with the now filthy sleeve of his sweater, crusted with tears and snot, and he finally abandons the bottle on the bedsheets. His heart pounds in his chest as he shakily gets to his feet and crosses the room, expecting to have to deal with Brendon. 

Tyler pulls open the door, and there's Josh, looking broken. He looks like he's been crying, and just the sight of him like this has fresh tears rolling down Tyler's cheeks. 

"I'm so, so sorry," he sobs, and Josh walks in wordlessly, closing the door behind him. He leads Tyler over by the shoulder to sit on his bed and perches on the edge of the mattress beside him. 

"We'll talk about it later, but we need to... I just. This isn't working," Josh starts.

Tyler can feel his heart breaking. It feels as though someone has stabbed a long, sharp butcher's knife into his chest and is viciously twisting it in circles. He can't breathe. He can't make a noise. He's frozen and stiff as a board and he feels like his heart might stop beating. Tears flood soundlessly down his cheeks, and this is it. The day he knew was coming, right from the beginning. Josh is going to dump him, he's going to lose him. 

Josh takes in a deep breath, face set in a serious yet sad, stony expression, and Tyler can't bear it. More tears keep coming as he sniffles, bracing himself for Josh's next words. "Move in with me."

Tyler just stares, the words not properly registering, and then he thinks them over. "...Wait, what?"

"I don't like it that he gets to see you more than I do. I don't like that he'd do this to you, that he could have so little respect for our relationship. Don't live with that asshole, Ty. Live with me," Josh says, his face retaining the serious expression the whole way through as he stares into Tyler's eyes. 

"Okay," Tyler whispers with another sniffle. He sees the tiniest hint of a smile creeping onto Josh's lips as he brings up a thumb to wipe the tears from one of Tyler's cheeks, and he leans into the contact. 

"Okay?" he asks, bringing his other thumb up to swipe across Tyler's other cheek. Tyler feels a little like he's in a dream, still intensely sad, still with that same pain in his chest, still worried that he's going to lose his boyfriend. 

"Okay. I mean, yes! I- that would be so amazing, Jish," he hushes, and Josh smiles properly for the first time since he's reappeared. As soon as the expression takes over his face, Tyler launches himself into Josh's chest with another sob, squeezing him tightly. "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry," he cries, and Josh runs a hand through his hair, gently shushing him. "I was drunk and stupid and slow and I love you and I'm sorry."

"I love you too, Tyler. So much. I want you around all the time, I really do," he murmurs, kissing the top of Tyler's head, and he grips around Josh's waist tighter still. 

"Do you hate me?" Tyler asks in a tiny voice, speaking into Josh's chest, and he feels arms wrap around his waist in return. 

"No, I don't hate you, Ty. I could never hate you. You did a shitty thing," Tyler winces a little at Josh's words. "And I want to punch Brendon right in his stupid fucking face," Tyler flinches again. "But I don't hate you."

"Okay," Tyler squeaks, sitting back up and wiping his raw face, his breath still shaking. "I'm sorry."

"Look, I really don't wanna be in this room right now. We should talk this out, but I don't wanna be anywhere near him..." Josh's face twists up and Tyler can see the hatred in his features. What a mess. 

"We can go back to yours?" Tyler suggests with a sniffle, wiping his nose on his sleeve. 

"Ours, you mean," Josh grins at him, and suddenly it hits Tyler. 

Their place. He's going to live with Josh. What he's been dreaming of since the first time Josh took him back to his apartment. Now _their_ apartment. Sadness set aside for a moment, an excited giddiness bubbles up in Tyler's stomach and he could squeal. He was so sure, so certain that he was about to lose Josh, that he'd never get to kiss him again. And now he's going to get to kiss him goodnight every night before they go to sleep. 

He leans in to peck a kiss to Josh's lips, relieved when he doesn't pull away, then shakily gets to his feet. "Just let me get changed and pack some stuff?" he asks, and Josh nods. 

"I'll head back in my car, you come in yours. We can get your piano set up and stuff," he suggests, and more excitement surges through Tyler's chest. His piano in _their_ apartment. They can play music together whenever they want.

"Thank you so much, Jishwa," Tyler hushes, and Josh gives him a sad little smile. 

"I'll see you soon, okay?" he tells Tyler, and then he's leaving again. 

*****

Tyler walks into the apartment through the open door, feeling a little strange about not knocking first. It's going to take a while to get used to this being his home. He can't help but let out a little squeak at the thought; his home with Josh. He dumps his bags down by the front door and closes it behind him, heaving out a sigh. His heart rate has picked back up again at the thought of having to sit and have a conversation about his shortcomings. What does he say that he hasn't already?

He walks towards the living room to find Josh sitting on the sofa, his head in his hands, and another pang of hurt shoots through his chest. He's done this. It's his fault that Josh is so upset, that they have to sit and have a horrible, serious discussion. It's his fault he almost lost him. 

"Hi," Tyler says lamely in a quiet voice, and Josh looks up quickly. 

"Hi," he returns, and Tyler takes a few tentative steps towards the sofa, along with a deep breath. "C'mere," Josh pats the cushion beside him, and Tyler walks up to take a seat. 

"I'm sorry," Tyler repeats for the fiftieth time, tears already welling up in his eyes. "I'll never see him again, if that's what you want. I promise," he starts, but Josh shakes his head. 

"No, don't be silly. I'm not gonna tell you you can't see your best friend, that'd be fucked up. But I don't trust that bastard as far as I could throw him," he spits, and Tyler frowns. 

"I get it. Trusting him is never a good idea," he sighs.

"But you do trust him, Ty. I know you do. And that's what makes me so fucking mad, because he tries to sit and tell me that I'm in trouble if I hurt you, but he hurts you all the fucking time!" Josh's voice is raised, and it's been a while since Tyler has seen him so angry. He tries to put aside the thoughts about how damn hot he is when he's mad, now is not the time. 

"It's not all the time... I mean sometimes-" Tyler tries, but Josh cuts him off. 

"Why are you defending him?!" he shouts, and Tyler bites his lip, trying to backtrack. 

"No, I'm not! I think he's an asshole, Josh! I do! I just don't want you to think I'm hanging out with someone who does nothing but hurt me, because that would only make me stupider..." tears are falling down his cheeks again, and he's even fucking up their reconciliation. He can't do anything right. 

"He is an asshole, Ty. A huge fucking asshole, and I don't like him." Josh throws himself into the back of the couch, leaning his head right back and staring up at the ceiling, then letting out a growl of frustration. 

"I'm sorry," Tyler says again in a tiny voice, scared to even touch him. Everything seems so fragile and his words are only making it worse. He doesn't want to break the thread he's hanging on by. Fresh tears spill over his eyelids, and he wipes them on the sleeve of the hoody he's changed into. The one he stole from Josh so long ago. 

"You didn't kiss him, Ty. You might have let it happen, but he's the one who did it," Josh sighs, sitting up straight again and running a hand down his face. 

"Hey," Tyler objects in a hurt voice, trying to stop the flow of tears again. "I did not 'let it happen'! I pushed him away, Josh," he cries, and Josh frowns a little. 

"Not before his lips were on yours, though. He got to kiss you," he counters, anger apparent in his voice, and Tyler can't stop the tears from falling. 

"I'm sorry," he cries. "I was just drunk! It took me a minute to realise what was happening because I was upset and he was comforting me. I swear, Josh, I did _not_ let him kiss me! I don't want to kiss him, or anybody else. I realised what was happening, I pushed him away, I told him to go to bed, that was it!" he's pleading now, close to breaking down, and then Josh is grabbing him and pulling him in for a heated kiss, holding him by the hair with a hand on his lower back and mashing their lips together. 

Tyler kisses him back, cheeks still wet, wrapping his arms around Josh's waist and hauling him closer until Josh is finally pulling back. "You're mine, okay?" Josh asks, pressing their foreheads together. "Not Brendon's, or anybody else's. **Mine** "

"Always," Tyler agrees, and Josh sits back once more, anger leaving his features as he looks a little more satisfied. "I'm never drinking again," Tyler tells him matter-of-factly. "And not like those kids who get a bad hangover and say that, then they're wasted again three days later. I am _never_. Drinking. Again."

"I'm kinda glad, Ty. Alcohol doesn't fix your problems, no matter what Brendon might think. In fact, it tends to make them worse. Man, fuck him, I swear to God," Josh growls, and Tyler looks down guiltily. 

"I know. I knew it was a bad idea, i shouldn't have been drinking. I was so stupid last night, I'm sorry," he pouts, and Josh places a finger under his chin, bringing his head up to look in his eyes. 

"Ty, I understand, okay?" he says with a kind smile, bringing his hand down to rest on Tyler's thigh. "You're in a difficult place right now, one that you've never been in before, you're dealing with stuff you haven't had to deal with before, and I get that. We don't always make our best decisions when we're in tough places, so don't blame yourself. Brendon offered you an escape and you took it, and I guess now we know that it's not an escape we should use."

"Thank you," Tyler mumbles, looking down again as more tears start to sting his eyes. "You're always so frickin' good to me, I'm just really sorry."

"I forgive you, Ty. Really, I do," Josh assures him, squeezing his thigh. "You were drunk and stupid. It's not gonna happen again, and that's all that matters now. You don't have to say sorry anymore, okay?"

"Okay," Tyler sighs, wiping the tears out of his eyes before they fall. "Umm, there's one other thing," Josh whips his head around, looking terrified, and Tyler backtracks, "No, no, it's nothing bad! Not really, I just don't know what to do about it."

"Oh, God, what now?" Josh groans, still looking a little scared. 

"Well, before it all happened, when we were just talking, Brendon kind of got me to agree to playing a show," he starts, and Josh's face lights up. 

"Wait, that's great!" Josh enthuses, and Tyler's stomach flips as he goes on. 

"I dunno if it is, though. I mean, it's only this little gig at that frat house where we met at that party, remember?" Josh nods with a smile and Tyler continues. "It's not exactly a big deal, but it's tomorrow..."

"Tyler, it is absolutely a big deal! It's your first gig, that's amazing! I'm coming to see you, obviously," he grins, and Tyler grimaces, taking a deep breath. 

"That's the thing. I can't... I won't be able to do it without you. I need you to- I mean, would you like to, or, just... Please play with me?" he stumbles, the request feeling desperate, but Josh's smile only grows. 

"Tyler, I would _love_ to! But we need to start practicing," he starts, and Tyler nods.

"A lot, I need to practice a _lot_ ," he agrees.

"Okay, well I am so ready to stop being sad, if you are?" he asks, and Tyler nods with a little giggle. "So let's get started! This is gonna be sick," Josh grins, bouncing up off the couch and waiting for Tyler to join him. 

"Thank you, Jishwa. Thank you so much, for real. I frickin' love you," Tyler gushes, and Josh leans in to peck a kiss to his forehead. 

"I frickin' love you too, Ty," he smiles. "Now c'mon!"

As he gets to his feet, Tyler feels like he could cry again. There's no sadness in it this time, though, only overwhelming relief, love, joy. He was so certain he was going to lose Josh, and now he's living with him, playing shows with him. It's as though almost destroying their relationship has made all his dreams come true, and he can't remember ever being so grateful. 

*****

The two of them practice for a couple of hours, going through the few songs Tyler has completed since coming to college. He's decided on four that he could play in front of other people with confidence, and after just three play throughs, Josh has drums down for all of them. The bedroom has turned into something of a practice room, Tyler's piano against the wall next to Josh's drums in the corner, a mess of microphones, speakers and wires on the floor between them. 

Tyler feels like a different person than when he woke up. He's gone from abject misery, feeling like he's lost everything he ever had, to living with his boyfriend and practicing for a show they're playing together. It's as if he's died and gone to heaven, and he's so glad he stayed alive. 

"You know what'd be really cool?" Josh muses as he rests his sticks on his snare. "If I did a back flip."

Tyler giggles with excitement, standing up from the spare stool Josh loaned him for his piano. "Have you ever done one before?" he asks with a grin, and Josh smiles. 

"Tons! I mean, I was seven or eight, and it was on a trampoline, but I figure I still got it," he states confidently, jumping up onto his bed and turning around. 

"Alright, I got your back, give it a go," Tyler encourages, moving over to keep a close watch, and Josh takes a deep breath. He launches himself into the air, but doesn't get a high enough spin. Panicking, Tyler reaches out to catch him and lets out an "Oof!" as they both crash to the ground, a tangle of limbs, laughing. 

"Ouch," Josh groans from on top of him, wiggling himself free. "What about off your piano?" 

"I mean, yeah! We can try, just don't hurt yourself," Tyler laughs, standing up and rubbing his wrist where he'd fallen on it. 

"I'll be fine, I've got you to spot me. You make a good pillow to land on," he laughs, and Tyler's face lights up. 

"Pillows!" He cries, then runs out of the room. 

In less than a minute, he's back in the bedroom, holding every cushion from the living room couch in his arms. He dumps them onto the ground and the two get to work covering the bedroom floor around Tyler's piano, using the pillows from the bed, too, then Josh jumps up onto the piano, biting his lip. 

"Okay, you ready?" he asks, and Tyler nods. 

"When you are!" he calls out, and with a deep breath, Josh crouches down and then launches himself into the air, twirling in an arc before landing back on his feet, stumbling a little but regaining his balance. 

Tyler whoops and cheers, clapping, "That was sick as frick!" he giggles, and Josh beams at him. 

"Yeah? Did it look cool?" he asks, and Tyler nods vigorously. 

"It looked freakin' incredible! Let's try again!" he enthuses, and Josh hops back up

After a few more tries, Josh is sticking the landing every time, and they clear the floor of pillows for him to perfect his jump. They try it with Tyler playing at the same time, Josh getting more and more excited with every flip. The childlike wonder on his face has Tyler giggling as he watches him, and it's at least half an hour before Josh has exhausted himself. 

"I wish I could play piano," he huffs, taking a seat on the edge of the stool next to Tyler. 

"You can! I taught myself when I was, like, sixteen. Even my sister was teaching herself, you totally can," Tyler encourages, standing up and making Josh shuffle forwards up to the keys. "Okay, so I'm gonna teach you something pretty easy. Here, just watch my hands."

He sits down behind Josh, wrapping his arms around him to reach the piano keys, and placing his fingers down to play a simple melody from a song he wrote just before he left high school. Just before he lost his faith. It only uses six keys, repeating itself, and Josh picks it up pretty quickly. 

"I feel like I recognise this, what is it?" Josh asks as his fingers trace the pattern of notes that Tyler has shown him. 

"Uhh, it's a song I wrote in school," Tyler mumbles, standing up from the stool, and Josh pauses his playing to look at him. Tyler already knows what's coming, and he wishes he hadn't mentioned it. 

"Can I hear it?" Josh asks, and Tyler sighs. He can't exactly say no, after how good Josh has been to him today. 

"Yeah, of course you can," he agrees, taking up his place behind the piano as Josh stands. "It's kinda heavy, though. Just a warning," he adds as he starts playing the same melody Josh had been learning. 

Josh doesn't reply, just takes up his usual position, cross legged, on the floor in front of the piano, the way he listens to all of Tyler's songs. Tyler takes a deep breath as he calls his lyrics to mind, remembering every heartfelt word despite not having sung the song in over a year. There's a lot of sadness in it, and he hasn't it shared with anybody before. Tyler takes another deep breath, smiling as he sees the same awestruck look on Josh's face that he sees every time he plays for him, then closes his eyes to start singing. 

" _Hello, we haven't talked in quite some time, I know, I haven't been the best of sons_ ," he keeps his eyes closed as he sings, his fingers finding their places on the keys with ease. He channels all the pent up sadness still eating away at his core into singing, his voice wailing and his body jerking as he belts out his lyrics. 

When it comes to the chunk of lyrics in the middle, Tyler's age old problem of having too many words to comfortably be sung in a verse ever present, he doesn't so much rap as he does tell a story. It comes out like one long, run on sentence, his voice cracking more than once as he rhymes off the words like he's only just written them.

" _I try desperately to run through the sand as I hold the water in the palm of my hand, 'cause it's all that I have, and it's all that I need, and the waves of the water mean nothing to me, but I try my best, and all that I can to hold tightly onto what's left in my hand, but no matter how, how tightly I will strain, the sand will slow me down and the water will drain. I'm just being dramatic, in fact, I'm only at it again as an addict with a pen who's addicted to the wind as it blows me back and forth, mindless, spineless, and pretend, of course I'll be here again, see you tomorrow, but it's the end of today, and of my ways as a walking denial, my trial was filed as a crazy suicidal head case, but you specialise in dying, you hear me screaming father, and I'm lying here just crying, so wash me with your water_."

Tears are streaming down Tyler's cheeks again by the time he reaches the end of his verse, and he presses on, powering through it and trying to keep his voice steady as he repeats the same lyrics from the start of the song. 

And then he just sits in silence. The last haunting notes of the melody played, he stares at the piano in front of him, nervous to look at Josh's face. He feels so incredibly vulnerable, the song still holding as much meaning now as it did when he wrote it, but in entirely new ways. 

"Wow," Josh hushes in a croaking whisper, then again, louder. "Just... Wow. That was- you wrote that when you were in school?!"

"Yeah, near the end," Tyler blushes, still not looking at him. "It's not very good or anything," he starts, but Josh interrupts him. 

"Tyler, it was great. It was really, really great. You've got to stop doing that! Putting your music down, saying you're no good. It's not true! Embrace your greatness," Josh implores, and Tyler finally looks at him, wiping his cheeks for what feels like the millionth time that day. 

"Thank you," he says thickly, sniffling. "Hey, Josh?"

"Hmm?" Josh responds, standing up from the floor and holding his hands out to Tyler, who lets himself be pulled to his feet. 

His heart starts beating faster, and Tyler wonders briefly how it's still managing to function after everything that's happened in the past two days. He tries to think of how to phrase his next question, but his attempts at scripting never seem to go too well, so he decides to just wing it. 

"I don't think I could play in front of people without you," Tyler starts, taking a deep breath and staring at his hands, still clutching Josh's. "Do you wanna, like, be in a band? I mean, I know there's only two of us, but I think it's enough."

"Fuck. Yes."

Tyler looks up to see Josh positively beaming, and he grins back. "For real?"

"Of course! I love playing with you, Tyler. I would fucking love to be in a band with you," he's still smiling hugely as he pulls Tyler in for a tight, squeezing hug, and Tyler really does feel like he's dreaming. "Well, but, so, we need a name then, right?"

"Actually, I thought about this when I was up all night reading All My Sons," he tells Josh, pulling back from the hug. "As, sort of, a reminder. I like 'twenty one pilots'. Like, it'll make people think, the way it made me think."

"I love it. It's perfect," Josh immediately agrees, smiling. "It's you down to the ground."

"Well, no, it's us," Tyler smiles back to him. "And we can even be cool guy hipsters and spell it out like it appears in the text."

Josh bursts out laughing at this and presses a kiss to Tyler's forehead. "A cool guy hipster in a Mickey Mouse t-shirt playing ukulele is something I would a hundred percent pay to see," he grins, and Tyler's smile grows. 

"It's a niche that's begging to be filled," he giggles, and Josh chuckles as he lets go of Tyler's arms. 

"I'm meant to be working all day tomorrow, but I'll call Mark and take a day off so we can practice and junk, okay?" He pulls his phone out of his pocket as Tyler nods, scrolling through his contacts and heading for the door. 

"Hey Josh?" Tyler calls out, and he turns just as he's about to leave the room. "Thank you. Really, thank you so much. For everything. I love you."

"I love you too, Ty," he smiles, then he walks out the door leaving Tyler in the room alone. 

He flops down on his back on Josh's bed (or, _their_ bed, really,) his heart racing. He stares up at the ceiling, trying to arrange his jumbled thoughts and make sense of the day. He lives with Josh. He's playing a show with Josh, he's _in a band_ with Josh. He literally pinches himself to check that he's conscious, then sits up hissing in pain as he realises he's pinched the forgotten, scratched up skin of his forearm from yesterday. Rubbing the pain away, his thoughts go back to their band. 

"Twenty one pilots," he says it out loud, testing it out, and a surge of excitement rushes through him. It feels somehow powerful, so full of potential, and suddenly leaving college to play music seems much more real and more exciting than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to all those horrible, twisted people who wanted, like, seventeen chapters of pain and anguish plus a suicide attempt, haha. I like twø happy bøys better than twø miserably depressed and suicidal bøys.


	44. Performing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, frens!  
> Sorry this has taken such a frightfully long time, I sort of hate everything I write at the minute, so that's been fun.  
> Here's hoping you guys detest this a little less than I do.
> 
> Enjoy ❤️

"So, I kinda quit my job," Josh confesses with a wry smile as he walks back into the bedroom, and Tyler sits up from laying stretched out on his back, reeling. 

"Wait, what?!" he splutters, and Josh laughs. 

"Yeah, Mark couldn't give me the day off tomorrow, and I mean, we only practiced backflips today. I knew we needed the time, so I just quit," he smirks, shrugging his shoulders as if he's just said something completely reasonable.

Tyler stares, incredulous, trying to come up with something, anything, to say. "...What?!" he articulates, and Josh laughs. 

"Hey, band comes first, right?" he asks with a smile, sitting down on the bed next to Tyler. 

"Well, I mean, yeah. But this is just one show! At a frat house! You didn't have to _quit your job_ , my God! We coulda just cancelled," Tyler laughs, but Josh objects. 

"Heck no! It's our first show, man," he cries. "No way are we gonna bail. Besides I have some money set aside from working so much, it's no big deal."

He grins at Tyler, who gives him a weary smile in return. "Okay, if you say so. Still, you didn't have to quit your freaking job! I mean, you coulda just called in sick, what about Mark?"

"Yeah, he just laughed when I said it, I still dunno if he believes me. That'll be a great surprise for him tomorrow," he chuckles. " I sure hope Jenna can work! But anyway, I don't wanna be stuck in a record store forever, Ty. This is way more important."

Tyler grins at him and leans in to peck a kiss to his lips. "I love you so much, Josh," he smiles as he pulls away, and Josh grins with his tongue between his teeth, eyes creasing around the edges. 

"I love you too, Ty. Now, I'm freakin' starving, you wanna order a pizza?"

**-**

"God, I think I'm coming apart at the seams," Tyler sighs as he throws the crust from their last slice of pizza into the now empty box, falling back into the couch as a movie plays on the TV. "It hurts when I breathe. I think I've officially become, like, seventy percent pizza."

Josh chuckles, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him into a sidelong cuddle. "If you felt any other way after pizza night, we'd have done something terribly wrong," he grins, deliberately squeezing Tyler around his slightly bloated stomach and making him groan out loudly. 

"No, seriously, don't! I'll barf," Tyler whines, but he's giggling, and Josh pokes him in the belly button, receiving another groan. "You're mean!"

"You love me," Josh counters, nuzzling into the side of his face. 

"Yeah, but I'm not happy about it!" Tyler complains, but he's still giggling, and Josh gives him another squeeze. 

"Okay, really, you need to stop or else you're gonna be covered in semi-digested pizza, Jish. And I don't think either of us wants that," Tyler laughs, wriggling out of his grip, and Josh relents. 

Really, he's just looking for a distraction. He has forgiven Tyler, honestly, he has. But every time he lets his thoughts drift off, all he can see in his mind's eye are flickers of a disturbing film. Tyler and Brendon kissing one another, his jealousy twisting it, conjuring images he can't bear to see, until the two of them are clinging to one another, lips connecting so deeply they almost become one, and the mental image is driving him insane. 

Josh knows that, if Brendon is the one that convinced Tyler to play tomorrow night, it's inevitable that he's going to be there too, and he really isn't ready to be in the same room as the rat bastard. He still has so much unresolved anger towards him, despite having drummed hard enough to almost put the pedal right through his kick drum earlier that day. In fact, the mere thought of Brendon makes Josh's hands curl into fists wound so tightly that he has little crescent moons on his palms from his digging fingernails. He doesn't know what he's going to do to him when he sees him, but he knows it won't be friendly. 

For Tyler's sake, he certainly can't inflict as much pain as he wants to. The desire burns deep within him to have Brendon's face bloodied, and it isn't something he's dealt with before. As much anger and resentment for his parents as he may have harboured as a teen, Josh has never been a violent person. Fighting just isn't in his spirit; in fact, he previously would have attested to the claim that he didn't have a violent bone in his body. Brendon has disproven that, and he has a feeling he won't see the other side of this without hitting him at least once. 

As a matter of fact, he's determined to. 

"Hey, whatcha think in' 'bout, Jish?" Tyler chirps from beside him, and Josh wipes the scowl from his face that he hadn't even known he was wearing until just now. 

"Just tomorrow," he answers, keeping it decidedly vague, and Tyler lets out a little sigh. 

"Yeah, I'm just trying not to think about it. I'm gonna deal with the nerves tomorrow, maybe five minutes before we play. I'll have a mini-breakdown, you can make me okay, and then we can play. I'll make you okay too, just don't think about it," he smiles, and Josh can't help but smile back. 

Tyler is so sweet, it almost makes him want to change his mind about dealing with Brendon. Almost. He wraps an arm around his shoulders again, pulling him in, and Tyler rests his head on Josh's chest with a contented hum. Running a hand through his boyfriend's hair, Josh mentally chides himself. This is the first night they're spending together living under the same roof. He should be appreciating that fact, not brooding over thoughts of Tyler's terrible best friend. 

Like Tyler said, he can just put his worries aside until tomorrow. Deal with Brendon when he's in front of you, he tells himself, focus on the boy that's in front of you right now. He dips his head to kiss the top of Tyler's, and feels his arms curl tighter around his waist. The day has been something of a rollercoaster, but he's gained a lot more than he has lost. He may never want to call Brendon his friend again, but he has a home with Tyler, a band with Tyler, a show to play with Tyler tomorrow evening. 

A grin takes over his face as he thinks to himself, and he manages to snuggle in even closer to Tyler on the couch. They still have each other. They'll always have each other. No matter what the world throws at them or how much of an asshole Brendon may be, they'll still have each other. 

**-**

Tyler wakes up before Josh the next morning, in a cold sweat after another terrible nightmare about his mother. He keeps having the same dream a thousand different ways, he goes to her, but he ends up hurting her. It always turns sour, always devolves into hatred and disgust, he's killing her, it's all his fault. 

It takes a moment for him to clear his mind and assemble his thoughts, for everything to sink in all over again, and he smiles as he realises that he hasn't woken up in Josh's bed, he's woken up in _their_ bed, in _their_ apartment. He lets out a tiny little squeak, overcome with excitement, as he rolls over to face his still sleeping boyfriend on the pillow next to him. 

Josh's arms are draped loosely around him, and Tyler uses his fingertips to gently trace the branching network of veins under the skin of his forearm as he waits for him to wake up. His stomach lurches as he remembers that they're playing a show later today, but he forces the thoughts back down. 

Don't psych yourself out before you need to, he tells himself, fingers still plotting the points of Josh's arteries. He can worry later, for now he'll allow himself to bask in the bliss of waking up next to his boyfriend, of everything going right for once. 

Tyler reaches behind him for his phone, left on the table next to his side of the bed, to check his screen for the time. As he stares at the bright backlight, bleary eyed, waiting for everything to come into focus, he finds it has only just gone nine in the morning and he has a text waiting for him. 

Brendon: **Tyler, I'm sorry. Is everything okay? Are you safe? Are you still coming tonight?**

He heaves out a sigh, throwing the phone back down onto the bed behind him, and goes back to paying Josh all of his attention. He can deal with that later. His best friend, his nerves, his mother, all of it can wait. Those are problems for future Tyler, present Tyler gets to distract himself with his gorgeous boyfriend. 

With a smile on his face, he continues delicately running his hands across Josh's skin, until he notices him stirring from his sleep, and his smile widens. Josh is always so stunningly beautiful in the mornings. He could have a priest swooning at the best of times, but he really shines in the sunrise. Golden light is infiltrating the dim room through the shades over the window, and Josh almost seems to radiate in the warm glow. His hair is a tangled nest on the pillow under his head, nose ring glinting a little in the morning rays, and Tyler doesn't think he's ever seen anything prettier. 

As he opens his eyes, Josh catches sight of him and breaks into a smile himself as Tyler leans over to peck a kiss to his lips. "G'morning, baby boy," he croaks with a smirk, and honest to God, he still gives Tyler butterflies. "You want some breakfast?"

"No," Tyler responds immediately with a sly smile, shifting across the mattress until his lips are right next to Josh's ear, "I want you."

Josh's smile grows with his words as he lets out a little groan, and he watches, one eyebrow raised, as Tyler shimmies himself down the bed to disappear under the sheets, taking Josh's underwear with him. 

**-**

It only takes around fifteen minutes before Tyler is resurfacing, a satisfied smirk on his face as he wipes his mouth with the back on his hand and throws himself down on the mattress next to Josh. He's still panting, and Tyler giggles as he lays his head to rest on his rapidly rising and falling chest. 

"You are incredible," Josh breathes, wrapping an arm around Tyler's shoulders to bury a hand in his hair. "I swear, that's never gonna stop amazing me."

Tyler looks up at him from his chest, a cute little smile on his face, crooked teeth showing through his parted lips, swollen and pink. "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself," he giggles, pecking a little trail of kisses across Josh's pectoral muscles. "I could totally go for some breakfast now, though. Then we should practice, I guess."

"Sounds good," Josh grins, giving Tyler a quick squeeze around the waist before taking his arms back to stretch out across the bed. "I've got a whole box of Cap'n Crunch, we can go to town!"

"Oh man, I am so ready for that, you don't even know!" Tyler gives a stretch as well, deliberately flinging his limbs across Josh's body as he does, then he sits up and shimmies over to the side of the bed. "I'm gonna go get a shower, if that's okay?"

"Ty, this is your home," Josh reminds him, the words spoken with a quiet awe. "You can take a shower any time you want."

He almost doesn't believe the words as he says them, all of it feeling so surreal. He's been longing to have Tyler living with him for so long now, but the reality of it had always felt so far off. He hadn't really planned to ask Tyler to move in just yet, not that he isn't delighted about it. He had pictured some romantic scenario, akin to a proposal, where he'd ask Tyler to live with him, and there would be a theatrical scene, like a Hollywood movie, all tears and cuddles and kisses and, 'Yes! A thousand times yes!' Instead his jealousy got the better of him and he just couldn't bear the thought of Tyler and Brendon being together another night. 

But maybe being such a jealous and possessive boyfriend is a good thing, if it means he gets to live with Tyler now. 

Tyler tears him from his thoughts, tan arms marked with black bands and symbols wrapping around his chest and pulling him backwards, and then Tyler is nuzzling up into him again, humming out a contented little sigh. With a smile, Josh wraps his arms around him in return, leaning down to press a kiss to Tyler's forehead. 

"You are without a doubt, a hundred percent, the best thing that has ever happened to me in my whole entire life, Joshwa. I really mean it." He shuffles himself around until he's looking up into Josh's eyes, resting his chin on his chest, and Josh's heart is starting to flutter. "You've changed me so much," Tyler goes on, "in the best way, though. I'm a better person because of you, and you inspire and motivate me so much, and I don't have the words, you know I'm better when I write them down. I'm just so happy, Josh. You make me so happy."

Josh can feel his eyes stinging as tears threaten to spill down his cheeks, and he tightens his grip around Tyler's waist to pull him up the bed and kiss him, deeply and vehemently. Tyler is making these needy little moans in the back of his throat and rolling his hips as their tongues collide and dance around one another, and Josh desperately wants to pin him down and take him, but they really do need to practice. 

"I love you so much, Ty," Josh huffs out, trying to catch his breath, once their lips finally part. "You make me happier than I've ever been. And hey," Josh runs a hand through the unruly red curls on top of his head, biting his lip, "I'm really sorry I left yesterday."

"No, Josh, _I'm_ sorry," Tyler starts, but Josh interrupts. 

"Don't be, Ty. You don't need to be sorry. I shouldn't have gotten mad at you or blamed you for what happened. I know it wasn't your fault, really, I do. I said some harsh things in the heat of the moment, and I'm sorry," he sighs, reaching to peck another kiss to Tyler's forehead. "I love you. I am so happy to have you here."

"All the time," Tyler adds with a smile. "I bet your attitude will change after a week of living with me," he giggles. 

"Tyler, I'm keeping you around forever and ever. I'm never gonna stop being happy to have you with me," Josh grins, and then Tyler's lips are crashing into his again. 

"God, I love you so much, Jishwa," Tyler gushes, pecking more kisses to Josh's lips. "But I'm gonna go get that shower, okay?"

"Okay, baby boy," Josh sighs, giving Tyler a last squeeze before letting him go and sitting up with another stretch. "I'll go get started on breakfast and stuff while you shower. I'll meet you on the couch for chai tea with the Cap'n."

"You are so perfect, Josh," Tyler smirks, sitting up next to him to gently kiss Josh's cheek, then he drags himself out of bed. "I'll be back in five, I miss you already."

"Miss you too!" Josh cries out and Tyler giggles as he pauses on his way out the door, turning around to blow Josh a kiss with a wink. 

Josh 'catches it', making Tyler beam, and then he saunters out of the room leaving Josh to start pining for him immediately. He's like a dog with separation anxiety, just staring at the door and waiting for his owner to come back. Shaking himself from his stupor, Josh stands up and pulls on a pair of sweatpants. Living together isn't going to do either of the two any favours when it comes to them being unable to bear any time apart, but they're going to be spending every waking moment together now anyway, so what does it matter, really?

**-**

After a breakfast of an entire box of cereal between them, accompanied by a pot of chai tea, Tyler and Josh get to practicing. They go over the songs so many times that they could play them blindfolded by now, working on finessing their cues and vibing off one another's energy, even sorting out the perfect moment during one of the songs for Josh to do a backflip off of Tyler's piano. Every time he lands it, Josh is grinning with his childlike glee, making Tyler giddy just looking at him. They have decided to put it in the middle of the song Tyler wrote for him after Josh had called him over in the throes of an anxiety attack. The song is about fighting for happiness, and the joy that Josh exudes with his acrobatics seems to fit the feeling perfectly. 

Tyler even lets Josh hear the beginnings of the song he's writing for him and Zack. There's a chunk of dialogue from the story missing, where his brother needs to fill in the gaps, but Josh reacts well to the song. It's another one that makes Tyler feel incredibly vulnerable, spread open and laid bare across they keys of his piano, but his boyfriend takes up his usual spot on the floor in front of it, listening intently, then insisting Tyler plays it again so he can drum along. It goes the same way it always does, Tyler presents Josh with an idea, and right away his mind is racing, working out a rhythm that he picks up and rolls with after just one listen. 

They work so perfectly together, like a well oiled machine, and Tyler wonders to himself why on Earth it took him so long to ask Josh to play in a band with him. It just makes such perfect sense, it seems so glaringly obvious, so meant to be. Why had it taken Tyler so long to see it?

They wind their playing down as the time to leave approaches, Tyler realising that he still hasn't made any contact with Brendon since receiving his text. He figures, by this point, they might as well just turn up. His best friend can deal with them when they're all in one another's presence, and for now Tyler can push his worries about the situation to the back of his mind where they belong, and try his best to ignore the voice in his head. 

"Hey, I'm gonna go get a shower, babe," Josh announces, returning his sticks to the holster on his hi-hat. "I'll be a sweaty mess by the time we're leaving the party, but at least I can show up looking half-decent," he grins. 

"Don't be silly, Jishwa, you're like a fine cheese. You only get better with sweat," he winks, and then both of them burst out laughing. 

"Dude, gross," Josh chuckles. "Okay, I'ma go shower, I won't be long. You start getting ready, and then we can start packing stuff up."

Tyler nods with a sigh, not looking forward to the prospect of having to lug his piano and Josh's disassembled drums downstairs and into each of their cars. They need to try and get some kind of trailer if they're planning on playing any shows outside a five mile radius. Two separate cars barely big enough to house their kit just isn't going to cut it. Worries of money and resources creep into Tyler's thoughts, but mostly he's just excited. Everything is suddenly so real and right on top of him, and he can't wait for his and Josh's journey, wherever they're going, to begin. 

*****

"Tyler!" a familiar looking, long haired guy a year or two older than Tyler calls as he opens the door of Sigma Chi to them. Was it Will? "And, hey, you're Hayley's friend, right?" Will (Bill?) says as he turns to Josh. 

"Nope, he's my boyfren," Tyler grins as he reaches for Josh's hand and pulls him through the door. 

"The boyfriend formerly known as Hayley's friend," Josh cuts in with a chuckle as he's dragged into the house. 

"It's nice to see you guys again," Will calls out as Tyler leads Josh through the house like he knows where he's going. "I hope we'll get another rendition of Celine Dion tonight, Ty!"

"I'll see what I can do, I'll maybe work a cover into the line up for you," Tyler shouts back with a smirk as he recognises an open archway that leads to the kitchen. "And, hey! Call me Tyler," he adds with a wink, tugging Josh onward. 

He's filled with a strange confidence he doesn't usually have in crowded rooms full of strange people. It feels foreign, walking through a sea of strangers with his head held high and a grin on his face, drawing attention to himself, a room full of eyes staring. He could put it down to having Josh's hand in his, but that's not quite it. It's everything that's happened all at once. He's finally being entirely himself, hiding nothing from his mother (which, deep down, is a good thing, no matter how badly she took it), he's finally living with his boyfriend, he's finally dropping college and pursuing music. 

Everything has changed, and Tyler has changed with it. 

He decides that whatever drama is certain to happen between Brendon and Josh needs to happen now, to get it out of the way. They don't need anything hanging over them before they play. He makes a beeline for the kitchen and, as expected, they find Brendon by the counter which is, as expected, covered in red solo cups and bottles of liquor. He has a cup in one hand, a bottle of vodka in the other, and is laughing at something Ryan has just whispered to him, their fellow band members standing either side of them. He had been hoping that maybe it could have just been the three of them, but an imminent reconciliation is necessary at all costs, and on the plus side, more witnesses mean less chance of a murder. 

He feels Josh's grip on his hand tighten and looks up to see his face twist and contort with rage as he spies Brendon across the island in the centre of the kitchen floor. Tyler squeezes back, tearing Josh's gaze from his friend across the room momentarily. "Hey, we can all be adults, right? We just need to talk it out, okay?"

Josh gives him a very brief, almost imperceptible nod, then drops his hand to march across the room towards Brendon, who still hasn't noticed they're here. He notices right as the last second, right as Josh stops just a foot or two in front of him. Tyler had assumed that Josh was maybe going in for a handshake, a hug seemed a little too hopeful, but he realises that Josh is drawing his arm back just in time to cry out a quick, "No!" before his fist is making contact. 

There's a sickening crunch as his knuckles make impact, hitting Brendon straight on, square in the middle of the face. As he pulls his fist away, he shakes his hand with a grimace, looking as though he's hurt himself. Whatever discomfort the mean right-hook he threw has caused his hand, it's nothing compared to Brendon's face. His nose is already gushing a crimson fountain down the front of his shirt, the skin over the bridge looking reddish purple and swollen. 

Josh mutters a quiet, "Motherfucker," that only Tyler hears as he turns and walks away again. 

"Dude, what the _fuck_?!" Ryan shouts, incensed, and Josh looks over his shoulder to glare at Brendon. 

"Looks like you and your boyfriend need to have a chat, asshole," he spits, then stalks out of the room, leaving Tyler torn between running after him and staying to console his friend. 

Then he compares their loyalty, and knows where his own should lie. 

"You might wanna put some ice on that, buddy," Tyler shouts over to Brendon, suppressing a smile, before scurrying off to find Josh. 

From across the room, he sees Josh throw himself down on the very couch they'd spent the evening on the last time they were here, producing his pack of cigarettes and pulling one out. Tyler weaves his way through the already drunken partygoers populating the area, making his way over to the sofa and plopping himself down beside him. Josh heaves out a sigh with a huge cloud of smoke, and Tyler puts a hand on his thigh. 

"Look, I'm sorry," he starts, running a hand down his face, but Tyler stops him. 

"Don't be. He totally deserved it. In fact, kudos, I've wanted to do that for years. Did it feel as good as it looked?" he giggles, and Josh's expression lightens. 

"Actually, yeah. It felt fucking great," he grins, and Tyler laughs again. 

"Do you think, maybe, you could be done with, like, being really angry and hitting him now, though?" Tyler asks, making good use of the puppy-dog eyes that have been known to sway his boyfriend in the past. 

"I promise I won't hit him again. I can't promise I'll stop being angry. Because I'm still so angry I could punch that sonuvabitch another twelve times. But I promise I won't," he huffs out with another sigh, then takes a shaky draw on his cigarette, and it's obvious just how much he's holding back right now. 

"Okay, good enough. Thank you. We can just play and head home, okay? We don't have to stick around and, like, hang out with him or anything," Tyler offers, and Josh nods. 

"Thanks. Besides, we'll be the only sober guys in a house full of drunken douchebags," he hushes, and Tyler giggles. "Also, I might have just sparked a break up between him and Ryan, he probably doesn't wanna see me right now, either."

"Ryan deserves to know," Tyler counters. "And Brendon is the kind of dipcrap that wouldn't tell him unless someone else makes him. So what do we do until we're on?" he asks, picking at a loose thread on the couch cushion under him as Josh exhales another cloud of smoke. 

"Let's go find somewhere," Josh suggests with a little smile, leaving his cigarette in an ashtray, and Tyler jumps at the idea, getting to his feet and pulling Josh up with him. 

"Perfect! But let's avoid the bedrooms, I don't wanna walk in on any real-life pornos," he giggles, and Josh smiles back, biting his tongue between his teeth. 

"We could make our own, if you want?" Josh offers, and Tyler bursts out laughing as he leads Josh towards the stairs by the hand. 

"Yeah, maybe later, stud. I don't want anyone walking in on ours, either," he giggles, starting his ascent of the steps. 

"Are you sure?" Josh asks, leaning in to speak softly into his ear, "because I was under the impression that you totally got off on that, Tyler Joseph."

Tyler stops in his tracks at Josh's words, turning to see a dark smile on his boyfriend's lips. "Only if it's your mom," he winks, and Josh lets out a shout of laughter as Tyler pulls him on again, jogging up the rest of the steps. 

As they come out onto the second floor, still swarming with people, Tyler spies another staircase across the hall and, with a smile, tugs Josh through the crowd by the hand and up the next flight. At the top, Tyler lets out a relieved sigh at the sight of an empty hallway. He sees a miraculously vacant bathroom, door slightly ajar, and pulls Josh inside. 

"Change your mind about the porn?" Josh chuckles as Tyler closes the door and locks it behind them, and then he has the air knocked out of him as Tyler shoves him back against the wall and their lips collide, mouths opening right away as their tongues meet. 

They kiss passionately, movements heated and rushed, hands all over each other, until Tyler pulls away prematurely. "Nah, you don't wanna get yourself all sweaty before we play," he smirks. "That," he gestures to the wall, referencing the sudden kiss, "was just because you looked so hot when you punched Brendon in the face. But, from outside, this roof looked flat."

With a grin, he makes his way over to the large bathroom window and throws it open, peeking his head outside. Josh comes over to join him, ducking his head out the window too. 

"Oh, sick! If we just slide down there," Josh points to the sloping slate roof directly below the window, "we can climb over to there," he gestures to a flat section of the roof only ten feet away. 

Without another word, Tyler swipes all the bottles and tubes from the windowsill onto the ground and hops up onto it, Josh giving him a smack on the ass as he climbs outside, and then he slips down, leaving Josh to follow him. 

After some awkward clambering, Josh sits down with his legs spread, Tyler between them, resting his back on his chest. They have a superb view of campus grounds, the forest feeling close enough to touch from where they're sitting, ominous and swaying, dark shadows shifting in the moonlight. There are a few stars doing their best to shine through clouds above them and, although the snow has cleared, it's cold enough for more, their breath hanging about them in a fog on every exhale. 

Josh pulls his box of cigarettes from the pocket of his leather jacket, holding them in front of Tyler for his hands to meet and withdraw one. Tyler snatches a cigarette from the pack before Josh can object and places it between his lips with a smug grin as Josh takes his own. 

"I thought you weren't gonna smoke cigarettes after dinner at mine?" Josh asks with a smile, returning the box to his pocket and holding his lighter, first to the end of Tyler's cigarette, then to his own. 

"Well, I don't drink, and I can't play if I'm stoned, allow me this simple poison in my anxious state," Tyler complains, and Josh presses his lips to his neck, a shiver running through Tyler at the feeling of his warm breath against his skin in the cold. 

"Fair," Josh agrees with a smile, pulling out his phone and tapping at the screen briefly, until music Tyler has never heard before starts to play. 

It's a wonderful, eclectic mix of jazz with some hip hop elements and even an electronic aspect to it. Tyler loves how mismatched it feels, even a little 'confused', but it works in the most magical way, and it's exactly what he wants his own music to be. A crock pot of different inspirations, all thrown together to make something greater than the sum of its parts. 

Tyler feels Josh shifting behind him, and looks over his shoulder to see him lying flat out on his back. With a smile, he shuffles himself back to lie down next to him, curling into his body, feeling thankful for Josh's permanent state of warmth. As they lie there staring up at the sky, smoking their cigarettes and listening to Josh's chilled out music choices, Tyler realises that, even at a party crawling with new and potentially interesting people, all he wants is to spend time alone with Josh. On the rooftop he's so much more comfortable, so much more himself. He doesn't really care about making new friends or meeting new people. He has Josh. That's all he needs. 

Josh points out a light in the sky to Tyler, solid and white and much too far away to be an aeroplane. It must be moving incredibly quickly for the distance in travels in a short space of time, being so far away, and the two of them get lost in a discussion of aliens and UFOs and life on other planets. Josh launches into a tirade of how certain he is that aliens have visited Earth before, and Tyler takes out his phone while he talks, snapping a quick picture of him and pulling him out of his spiel. 

"What was that for?" he asks, smiling a little, and Tyler pockets his phone once more to huddle in next to him. 

"You're really beautiful when you talk about the things you're passionate about," Tyler smirks, and Josh lets out a quiet laugh, then leans over to kiss his forehead. 

They're torn from their quiet bliss by Josh's phone speaker being drowned out by guitars and drums downstairs, meaning that Brendon and the other members of Panic! at the Disco have already started their set. Tyler's heart starts hammering in his chest as he sits up, running a hand through his hair. It'll be time soon. He takes a deep breath of the freezing cold, fresh air that's biting at his nose and fingers, and Josh sits up beside him. 

"Welp, I guess we should start getting the gear out of the cars," he suggests, and Tyler can only nod as his heart pounds harder, palms sweating, breaths shallow. Josh puts a hand on his thigh, a crease forming between his eyebrows as he looks at him. "Hey, what's up?" he asks, concerned. 

"I need you to make me okay," Tyler says quietly, staring down at his hands as he tries to fight the feeling of suffocation in his chest, as though he has a pair of invisible hands wrapping around his neck. 

"Hey, Ty," Josh coos, wrapping his arms around Tyler's shoulders and pulling him in for a hug, warmth surrounding him. "You are great! We got this! Those guys aren't gonna know what hit 'em," he grins, and Tyler lets out a shaky sigh. 

"I don't know if I can do this, Josh. There are so many of them... Maybe we should just go," he starts, but Josh cuts him off. 

"Okay, so I know this is gonna sound a little crazy, but just bear with me. Back when I was playing with Tim and the band, every single night without fail I had this voice in my head, like my thoughts talking to me. Every night, it told me, 'Don't go back on stage. You're not good enough, you can't go out there, they'll hate you. Don't go back on stage.' Every night, Ty." Tyler just blinks, and Josh goes on. "It sucks, I know it does, just you've just gotta say fuck you and force yourself to do it! It'll be so worth it, man. I promise."

"That doesn't sound crazy at all, Jish," Tyler murmurs. "Or, maybe it does, and we're just both crazy," he adds with a little smirk, and Josh chuckles. 

"Definitely the latter," he grins, and Tyler leans in to kiss him. 

"Thank you. You always know what to say, every time," Tyler speaks into his lips, and Josh kisses him back before getting to his feet and holding his hands out to help Tyler up. 

"That's my job," Josh beams. "Now c'mon, we've got to go unload the cars."

*****

After a lot of struggling, huffing and puffing, and telling people to move, they finally have their kit ready to be set up on stage. The two of them have been standing offstage waiting for Panic's set to finish, Josh's jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed the entire time. Tyler must admit, they sound pretty great, their songs a lot more polished than he's ever heard them. All that practice is certainly paying off, and it's stirring up insecurities in his own songs again. 

Finally, their set wraps up and the poorly rigged spotlights hung from the ceiling fade out to yells and cheers from the throngs of people surrounding the pallet stage. They have about ten minutes for the guys to clear their gear from the raised platform, then set up their own, before its time to play. Josh goes to help Spencer dismantle his drums while Tyler stares out at the expectant crowd he's about to try and connect with. 

Right as he's scanning the sea of faces, there's a sudden shout from a guy near the front, as he sends his fist careening into the face of a guy standing beside him, and Tyler quickly looks away. People are too drunk. This isn't going to go well. He steals a glance at Brendon, impressed that he managed to perform through what must be throbbing pain from his now deep purple nose. Just before he looks away, Brendon's eyes meet his, and then he's rushing over to Tyler at the side of the stage. 

"Shit, man," he curses, throwing his arms around Tyler's shoulders, and he lets himself be pulled into a hug, squeezing back half heartedly. "Are you okay? Look, I'm really fucking sorry-"

"Hey, let's just forget about it, yeah? You were an asshole, but when are you ever not?" Tyler smirks, and Brendon breaks into a huge grin. 

"Fuck, you have no idea how worried I was, Tyler!" he cries, and over Brendon's shoulder Tyler sees Josh look up at his exclamation, his brow furrowing as he stares daggers at the back of Brendon's head. 

"Yeah, well, you're not out of the woods yet. Josh kind of hates you, I think? Oh! But he asked me to move in, _and_ we're officially a band," he beams, and Brendon gasps in shock. 

"Well, shit! Get you! That's fucking awesome, T-bag," he enthuses, pulling Tyler into another hug, and he squeezes back this time. 

"Hey, you guys kicked butt," Tyler tells him, noticing Josh's scowl as he sees them hug again. 

"Thanks, man. I can't wait to hear you guys! I can't believe you came," Brendon smiles, and Tyler shrugs. 

"Couldn't miss our first gig, man. Anyway, we should start setting up," Tyler hints, moving over to his piano, and Josh walks straight over to help him, not even looking at Brendon. 

"Okay, well, good luck you guys," he encourages as he starts to walk towards the crowd. 

"Yeah, thanks," Tyler calls after Brendon, Josh still not acknowledging him. "Hey," Tyler whispers to Josh. "You okay?"

"I'm great," he smiles, a little unconvincingly, but Tyler lets it slide as the two of them struggle to lift his piano and bring it up on stage. As they shuffle across the floor, Tyler hears a growing chant of, 'Fight! Fight! Fight!' coming from the crowd and looks over to see the same two guys from earlier now circling one another, almost like a mosh pit at the front of the small gathering.

"These people are way too drunk," Tyler stresses as they set his instrument down at the far side of the stage. 

"Hey, quit worrying," Josh reassures him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "People are less judgemental when they're trashed. This will be great, okay?"

Tyler takes a deep breath, inhale and exhale, then nods. "Okay, if you say so, Jish. Let's get your drums sorted."

After a few minutes of arranging and affixing, their stage setup is sorted, and they're each taking their place on their stools. Tyler's heart is practically pounding out of his chest, he's absolutely terrified, but every time he looks over, his boyfriend gives him a little wink or a smile, and it pulls him back from the edge. The crowd gets a little quieter, but only by a fraction, and then the house lights are coming back up, illuminating the stage. 

All of a sudden, it's as though Tyler's insides have turned to jelly. He's glad he's sitting down, because he's certain his legs would give out from under him if he tried to stand up right now. His hands shake as he places his fingers on the keys of his piano, clearing his throat and hoping his voice isn't going to quaver or leave him entirely. He takes a last look over to Josh, who nods with an encouraging smile, scrolling around on the laptop next to him to line up the backing track they need. And it's time. 

"Uh, hi," Tyler mumbles, leaning forward to talk into his mic, so close his lips brush against it, and the room quietens a little more. "I'm Josh's friend, and this is my friend Josh," he grins as he motions over to Josh, who waves his sticks in the air. "We're twenty one pilots, and this is a song I wrote when I couldn't sleep."

On cue, Josh hits play on the laptop and then starts warming up on his crash symbol, before launching into his drumming as the track begins. Still shaking a little, Tyler takes a deep breath, thinking over Josh's words on the roof, 'You've just gotta say fuck you and force yourself to do it.'

And he does. The lyrics come to him without him even having to think twice, and he's lifting the mic out of its stand on his keyboard and standing up to recite his prose, letting the moment take him over so as not to get caught up in his head. A cheer goes through the audience as he rhymes off his lyrics, then a kind of quiet awe rustling through the sea of people, as if they're hanging off his every word. Josh's drums kick in again, harder this time, and Tyler can feel the kick drum in his chest as he comes to the end of his verse and takes his place back behind the piano to start playing for the chorus. 

Just as he starts off the hook with the line, "I'll stay awake," the same drunken frat brother who had punched someone in the face calls out a heckle that Tyler doesn't catch, then starts making his way up on stage. 

In a panic, Tyler doesn't know how to react, so he just keeps singing, and Josh keeps playing. That is, until 'frat bro' unbuttons and unzips his pants, pulling them down to his thighs along with his underwear, and _dear God_ , he's about to pee on Josh's drums. 

Quick as a flash, Josh is dropping his sticks and jumping over his kit, shoving the guy backwards before he can go any further. Still with his pants down, the guy loses his footing as he's pushed back, falling about a foot off the stage and landing hard on his ass. There is laughter and more cheering from the surrounding crowd, and Tyler sits back from the keys, staring, incredulous, at Josh, who shakes his head as he stares back, and then they both burst out laughing. 

Suddenly, Will (Tyler is, like, ninety nine percent sure it's Will) is jumping up on stage and rushing over to grab the mic from Tyler's piano, shouting out into the loud, crowded room, "Party's over, guys! The cops are here. If you've been drinking and you're not twenty one, I suggest you run."

And then, pandemonium. Immediately there is a surge towards the back of the house, creating a bottleneck as people push and shove to try and escape. Will turns to face Josh and Tyler with a crooked smile. "Sorry, guys. Looks like your set's getting cut short," he smirks guiltily, and Tyler just laughs again. 

"It's okay, man. Some douchebag was about to take a piss on my drums, anyway. We were fighting a losing battle," Josh chuckles, moving to start disassembling his kit again, and then Will is off to, presumably, deal with the officers at his front door. 

"Yo, that was sick," Tyler grins, once will has dashed away, and Josh bursts out laughing as he dismantles his drums. 

"No, I'm serious!" he insists. "I mean, I know we played half a song, but it felt... awesome. Really awesome. I wanna do that again."

"We will, Ty," Josh smiles at him, collapsing a stand and coiling wires around his arm. "And we'll do it properly."

Tyler's heart flutters a little as his smile grows. "I can't frickin' wait. I'm already thinking of things we need to do differently. We need to find some way of grabbing everyone's attention, right from the moment we step onstage."

His eyes light up as he talks, and Josh grins at him. "For sure, Ty. We can brainstorm for days, but right now we should get packed up and go. I don't wanna hang around for the police raid."

"Right, right," Tyler nods, standing up and walking over to grab an armful of equipment. "Lead the way, Jishwa!"

Josh chuckles softly through his nose, then leans over, snare drum in his arms, to press a kiss to Tyler's forehead. "You're being real positive about this, and I love it," he smiles. 

"That's because it was sick," Tyler shrugs in response. "Now c'mon, let's G!" They take a few steps towards the front hall before Tyler mutters, "That means go, by the way."

"Oh! I thought you meant grill," Josh replies, keeping a completely straight face, and Tyler bursts into giggles.

They mutter a quiet, "S'cuse me," to the two uniformed officers talking with Will on the front step as they squeeze past, and then start to giggle again as they walk down the path towards Josh's car. 

**-**

Josh pulls up outside the apartment building before Tyler does, shutting off his car with a sigh and getting out to lock up. The night certainly hadn't gone as planned, their show turning out to be something of a disaster. But Tyler is happy, so in way it was absolutely perfect. He grins as he sees Tyler's bright red car crawling along the road towards him, waving theatrically over his head and seeing Tyler giggle. 

"Hey," he says through Tyler's open window as he pulls up on the curb, leaning through the car to peck a kiss to his lips. "Just leave the stuff in the car, we can sort that out tomorrow."

"Oh, thank God," Tyler laughs, relieved. "I am not ready to move a piano again, yet."

Josh chuckles as Tyler winds up his manual window and gets out to join him on the pavement, locking up after himself. Once he's ready, Josh takes him by the hand and leads him up the front steps towards the doors. He takes a moment to share the keypad code with Tyler, then pulls him inside and over to wait for the elevator. 

"Do you think Brendon's alright?" Josh asks with a grimace. As much as he might hate the guy on the surface, as much as he wanted to inflict more pain on him at the time, he can't help but feel bad for what he's done. He has never punched someone like that in his life. 

"Big fat who cares!" Tyler giggles, staring up at the little screen above the elevator door, displaying the descending numbers of the building's floors. "He'll be fine, it's not like you beat him up or anything. It was one punch! And a well deserved one, at that," he smirks. 

Josh smiles too as he sees the number drop down to 1, feeling marginally better. "It was a hard one, though."

"Yeah, it really was! In a messed up way, it was totally hot," Tyler grins devilishly as the door opens and they step inside. 

As soon as the door slides closed again behind them, Tyler jabs at the button for their floor, then shoves Josh's back up against the mirrored wall of the elevator to crash their lips together. The kiss is almost violent in its fervour; Tyler has a hand trailing up under the hem of Josh's t-shirt, tracing across the bumps and ridges of his abs, and he rolls his hips into him over and over, pressing his crotch against Josh's leg. He's making these breathy little sounds that go straight to Josh's dick as he parts their lips to begin biting at Josh's neck. He practically has to force Tyler off of him when the door behind them opens again, chuckling as they walk along the corridor. 

Josh must pause outside their front door, digging around in his pocket for his keys, while Tyler's fingertips trace up his arm. His hands are raising hairs and goosebumps on Josh's skin under just the ghost of a touch, and sending a shiver down his spine. When he finally has the door unlocked, he allows Tyler to walk inside first, following after. 

He plans on turning around and pressing Tyler up against the wall once he has the door closed, but when he spins around he finds himself pushed up against it instead, a groan leaving his mouth only to be swallowed by Tyler's hungry mouth against his. Their lips work against one another as Tyler runs a hand up Josh's thigh to his crotch, stroking at him through the restrictive fabric of his jeans, and it isn't enough. 

Josh reaches down to grab at Tyler's ass and lift him up off his feet, earning him a squeal against his lips as he chuckles, then Tyler wraps his legs around his waist and lets himself be carried to the bedroom. Once he's at the side of the bed, Josh unceremoniously dumps Tyler down on the mattress and crawls over him, pinning him down. 

Already, he's moaning out, "Please, Josh, please," as his hips buck up off the bed, and Josh sucks a hickey onto his neck while Tyler grabs at his jacket, trying to tug it off of him. 

He rises up on his knees momentarily, throwing his leather jacket to the ground and tears off his tank top, watching as Tyler shrugs off his hoody and pulls his own t-shirt over his head, and then their lips connect again, Tyler's hips pushing up into him with a renewed vigour. 

"Please, Josh, I need it," Tyler whines as their kiss breaks, still writhing underneath him. 

"What do you need, baby boy?" Josh coos, kissing along his jaw and nipping at the skin of Tyler's neck, making him draw in a hissing breath. 

"I need you, please, fuck me, Joshie," he huffs out between gasps as Josh starts meeting Tyler's gyrating hips with his own grinds, still kissing at his neck. 

"Beg," he states simply, sucking another angry, purple mark into the skin of his neck, and a loud moan escapes Tyler's mouth. 

"Please, Josh," he croaks out with a shaky breath. "Please. Give it to me," he's whining again, his hips thrusting up hard and fast. "Take me. Fuck me. _Please_ , Joshie, I need it. I need you, pleasejustfuckme!"

"Good boy," Josh purrs into his ear, and then he's sitting up again, grabbing Tyler's jeans by the waistband and yanking them down. He doesn't even undo the buttons, tugging Tyler down the bed in little bursts as he pulls the tight fabric from his legs, his boxers following soon after. 

Josh reaches across to the bedside drawers, rooting around for his dwindling supply of lube, and returns, bottle in hand, to press their lips together again. Tyler's legs wrap around his waist as he leans down over him, and Josh uncaps the bottle and coats a few fingers without breaking their kiss, but as he moves his hand down to start teasing him open, Tyler stops him. 

"Just give it to me, now, please," Tyler whimpers, looking up at him with wide eyes. "Fuck me, Josh."

"Fuuuuck, Ty," Josh groans out, covering the waistband of his jeans in lubricant as he moves his hands to unbutton them and tug them down. 

Tyler's hips are grinding down into the bed as he moans in the back of his throat, and Josh leans down to kiss him as he yanks his pants down and throws them on top of the pile of their clothes on the floor. Once he's undressed, he sits back on his heels, running a hand up and down Tyler's side. 

"Get on your hands and knees for me, baby," he tells him, and Tyler's eyes widen even further as he's does what he's told, rolling over and rising up onto his elbows.

Josh can't help the little moan that escapes him as Tyler pushes his ass up into the air and presses back towards him, nor can he help the little slap he gives one of Tyler's asscheeks, relishing the squeal he lets out. He brings his hand down sharply on Tyler's skin a second time, another muffled scream emitting from the boy as he buries his face in the pillows.

With a smirk, Josh grabs his hips and drags him down the bed a little until the pillows are out of reach. "I wanna hear you, Ty," he utters, placing a hand on each of his asscheeks with a firm squeeze, and Tyler lets out a destroyed moan, bucking his hips back. "That's it, baby."

Spreading him open with gripping hands, Josh ducks his head to lick a long, slow stripe across Tyler's asshole with a flat tongue, making him quiver with a high pitched whine, and he smiles to himself. He's always so hyper vocal any time Josh is touching him, and it drives him crazy. Tyler throws his hips back again, making desperate little noises, and Josh's hands grip his ass harder as he leans back to spit on his puckered hole. Tyler lets out another little groan above him as he marvels at the way the muscles of his ass twitch when his saliva lands, then he uses his thumbs to spread him further and points his tongue to push it inside. 

Right away, Tyler is grinding into the feeling, crying out curse words and Josh's name, and it's been much too long since Josh has had him in this state. He's grabbing handfuls of the sheets and writhing around as his hips roll back into Josh's face, rhyming off the begging chant that has become custom when they're together like this. 

"Please, Josh, I need it, fuck me, please, fuck me," he's panting out between gasping breaths and moans, and the words are music to Josh's ears. 

Pulling back and trailing hot, open mouthed kisses across Tyler's ass, Josh grabs for the bottle of lube he'd discarded on the mattress, hurriedly squirting a generous amount into his palm and coating himself with a few swipes of his hand, slathering what's left across Tyler's twitching hole as he whines out, hips still rocking back into nothing. 

"You are so God damn sexy," Josh growls as he gets up on his knees, shuffling up the bed to grab Tyler by the hips, and the only reply he gets is a loud, drawn out moan as Tyler pushes back against his hands, trying to meet his hips. He keeps trying to force himself backwards, despite Josh's tightening grip, earning him another swift smack on the ass, and he squeals loud enough for the neighbours to hear. "You're also a kinky little slut," he chuckles as Tyler lets out another tortured moan. 

"Yours, Josh, please," he croaks, still trying to press himself backwards.

"All mine," Josh agrees, lining his head up against Tyler's slick entrance, but not pushing in just yet. 

Tyler cries out at the feeling, his back dipping into a perfect little curve as he raises his ass up higher in the air. Josh's hands run up and down his spine, covering all the soft skin they can reach, and with a groan, he pushes past the tight ring of muscle ever so slowly, edging himself in as Tyler makes a sobbing sound. 

Josh barely has time to collect himself before Tyler is forcing his ass back into him, swallowing him inch by inch as a strangled sound rips from his chest, and Josh just manages to catch himself before he falls. The tight heat engulfing him is borderline painful, and he watches himself slowly disappear as Tyler keeps pressing back, letting out one long, loud moan. 

"Fuuuuck, baby, I wish you could see this," Josh manages to groan out, grabbing Tyler's hips tightly. His hands are squeezing hard enough to leave bruises already, wanting to mark him up as possible. Tyler is **his** , let the whole world know it. 

With a final little buck of his hips, Tyler has Josh buried inside him to the hilt, and he's gasping for breath as he turns his head to the side. Josh sees tears brimming his lower lash line as he pants out, "Please, Josh, fuck me," and that's all it takes. 

Drawing himself back out to the tip with an embarrassingly high-pitched groan, Josh slams his hips into Tyler's, loving the way it makes him scream, and then he picks up an unrelenting pace, ramming himself into him as hard as he can. The noises he elicits from him are enough to keep has stamina forever. 

"Jesus Christ, Tyler, you're so fucking tight," Josh growls between huffing breaths, and Tyler's moans and whines and squeals get a little louder. Josh keeps his hands gripping his hips tightly as he pulls Tyler's body back into him on every thrust, making sure he keeps the angle just right to hit his prostate with each and every forward motion. He wouldn't be surprised if they get a neighbour banging on the wall again with the noise they're making, but he can't find it in himself to care. 

Tyler keeps his back dipped and his ass high, but he struggles to get words out as his moans start combining to form a single, solid sound. He's throwing himself backwards with Josh's firm grasp, trying to get words out but stumbling, "Jo- ah, fuck! Josh, pl-please. Harder. Faster. Hu- God! H-hurt me."

"Fuck!" Josh yells out, letting go of one of Tyler's hips to slap his ass hard and fast, and he squeals, still bucking back and trying to match his rhythm. 

He lets go of Tyler's hips altogether then, grabbing him by his upper arms and pulling him up onto his knees, then he wraps his arms around his chest to hold him up as he starts biting at his neck. Tyler's arms come back to grab handfuls of Josh's hair as he begins grinding his hips in circles down onto Josh's cock, and the noise he makes has Josh on the brink of orgasm. 

He lets out this impossibly loud, keening sound, singing out as he swivels his hips, and Josh leans back to watch him. The way he works his body is a true talent, managing to keep perfect circles while he simultaneously draws Josh slowly in and out of him, and the borderline pornographic moaning that accompanies his actions has Josh crying out his name. 

"Fuuuck, Tyler! Good boy," he praises him, taking hold of Tyler's hips again, tighter than ever, and pulling him forcefully into his lap. Tyler melts at his rough touch, just like he always does, and Josh throws him down onto his back on the mattress, almost landing right on top of him but catching himself with an arm at either side of his head. 

"Please, please Josh, please," Tyler is babbling, and right away Josh plunges himself back in to the base, making him scream out as he picks up his unforgiving rhythm once more. 

Within less than a minute of the unforgiving pace, he has Tyler writhing and squirming, face screwed up in a marrying of pain and pleasure as Josh's hip bones collide with his thighs hard enough that he's surely bruising. Tyler is letting out a single, solid sound again, the pitch hiking with every pounding beat of Josh's hips, and he's slowly getting tighter and tighter around his length.

He sees Tyler reaching a hand down towards his aching cock, angry red head leaking precome onto his stomach, but Josh grabs his wrists and pins them down to the bed, only making him writhe harder and moan louder. 

Josh leans down to press his lips to Tyler's ear and murmur, "C'mon, baby boy, you know I like to see you cover yourself in come without your cock being touched," and with his words, Tyler is suddenly achingly tight around his length, making him yell out into his ear, but any sound he makes is drowned out by Tyler's screaming as all his muscles tense up, back arching off the bed, and, just as Josh asked, he covers himself in come. 

The sight is enough to have Josh's stomach tightening and his hips faltering, and after another twenty seconds of violent thrusting, tears in the corners of Tyler's eyes as he makes a sobbing sound, Josh is spilling inside him with a shout. 

He rides out his orgasm, burying his face in Tyler's neck to suck another hickey into his skin, despite him already being covered in them. Once he's come down from his high, Josh collapses on top of Tyler with an exhausted sigh, covering the two of them in Tyler's mess. He feels a tickling at the skin of his clavicle and looks across to see Tyler pecking little kisses across his collarbone, then wraps his arms around him to squeeze him into a tight hug. 

"Fuck, I love you, Ty," he grins, rolling them around so that he's on his back with Tyler on top of him. 

"I love you too, Jishwa," Tyler smiles, looking utterly spent. His voice is hoarse and croaking as his eyes flutter shut, and he's just so beautiful. Honest to God, it still makes Josh's heart flutter. 

As much as he'd love to drift off to sleep with Tyler in his arms right then and there, the rapidly cooling come covering his stomach and chest is something of a pressing issue. Giving Tyler a little squeeze and a kiss on the forehead, he extracts himself from their cuddle to a noise of vague protest from his boyfriend, and scurries off to the bathroom, returning moments later with a towel soaked in warm water. 

He gives himself a quick rub down, then goes back to the bed, rolling Tyler over onto his back to clean him up. Josh smirks a little as he catches sight of the fingertip bruises blossoming across his hips, the deep purple blotches flowering on his neck, and he lets out a satisfied little hum as he runs the cloth across Tyler's abdomen. 

Once they're suitably less sticky, he tosses the towel on the pile of laundry next to the bed and throws himself back down on the mattress, holding his arms open for Tyler to shimmy into them. Once they're wrapped up and tangled in each other, he reaches up to flick the switch on the lamp beside him, and they both let out a little sigh in unison, then both laugh at it simultaneously. 

"I can't wait for this to be our whole lives," Tyler murmurs as Josh pecks another kiss to his forehead. 

"What do you mean, baby boy?" he asks, speaking with his lips still pressed against Tyler's skin. 

"You and me. Playing music together and going to bed together every single night and that being it. No college, no record store, no worrying about my mom or Brendon or when I'm gonna see you next." He lets out another little sigh, and Josh is grinning against his forehead. "I just can't believe this is all happening. I can't wait."

"Me neither, Ty. And it's gonna be sick as frick," he beams, and he can make out Tyler smiling back at him in the dark. "I'm just so glad I get to do it all with you. Now, let's get some sleep, it's been a long day."

Tyler nods, getting caught in a sleepy little yawn, and leans up to peck a kiss to Josh's bottom lip before resting his head on his chest, and it can't be more than a minute or two before he's falling asleep, leaving Josh to drift off with a smile to the sound of his deep, sleeping breaths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a tumblr a couple days ago, just if any of you guys want to talk. Actual human interaction would be sick, yo!  
> http://trashler.tumblr.com


	45. Reconciling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Too long a wait for too short a chapter.  
> I'm sorry, frens. Sincerely.  
> I still hate everything I make right now, so it's a struggle, but I'm trying to power through. 
> 
> Thank you for sticking with me ❤️

Tyler wakes up the next morning, every inch of him aching, to the shrill sound of Josh's phone ringing. With a groan, he rolls around in his boyfriend's arms to find Josh sleeping through the noise, and gives him a little shove to shake him from his sleep. 

Bleary eyed and grumbling, Josh reaches over to the phone atop his bedside drawers, and he curses under his breath as he looks at the contact information on the screen. "Shit, it's Mark. Sorry, Ty, I should take this," he apologises, untangling himself from their cuddle and getting out of bed, still completely naked, to take his call in privacy. 

Tyler gets a good, long stare at Josh's ass as he leaves the room, a little smirk on his lips as he admires the soft curve of his spine, the little dimples that decorate the base at each side. He lets out a dreamy sigh once he's gone, rolling over onto his back and staring up at the ceiling. It occurs to him, with a little smile, that he'd done the exact same thing the first time he and Josh met. 

A part of him is worrying, a nagging voice in the back of his mind saying, 'What now? You've left college, you have no job, you have no shows to play, you're still a nobody. What do you do now?', but he pushes it down. A louder voice in his head is singing with glee over the fact that he's waking up in the bed, the room, the apartment he now shares with Josh. He wonders if the novelty will ever wear off, not able to imagine a moment in which the thought of living with Josh won't make him want to squeal with excitement and bury his face in a pillow. 

He does exactly that, rolling over until his sounds are muffled by feathers and sheets under him, and letting out a giddy little shriek. He vaguely remembers a time where he'd longed so desperately to be living with Josh, just to wake up and make him coffee in the mornings, and he decides that's as good a way as any to start off his day. 

Practically jumping up out of bed, Tyler bounces over to Josh's wardrobe, pulling out the first pair of sweatpants he lays eyes on and tugging them over his bare legs. They just so happen to be jet black with white decals of skeleton bones on the front, a pelvis and leg bones that sit perfectly over his own, and, oh, he's _definitely_ having these. 

He stops briefly in the hall, where Josh is facing away from him listening to Mark on the phone, to plant a kiss in the square of his back, between his shoulder blades, then skips off to the kitchen to prepare a pot of coffee. For the first time he really appreciates every part of Josh's - of _their_ \- kitchen. How each cupboard has its contents arranged so they tessellate, labels turned forward and clearly readable. He smiles to himself as he takes a spoon from the cutlery drawer, not a knife, fork, or spoon out of place, all of them with their own little allocated seat. After spooning in a few heaps of coffee, he leans back against the counter, wincing a little at the spike of pain as his backside makes contact, and sighs with a contented little smile, taking it all in. 

He's so happy. Really, truly, deep down happy. In fact, he can't remember a time he's felt it more. Even with the whole mess around his mother, even after Brendon's slip up that nearly cost him his relationship with Josh, everything that has happened, every horrible detail, has lead up to this moment. It took all those terrible things happening for him to wind up living with his boyfriend, the two of them about to give it their best shot at making their music a viable career. 

He feels right on the precipice of something great, teetering precariously on the edge of a life changing drop, and it makes his stomach twist in knots, his heart race, his palms sweat, but all of it in the best way possible. 

He's torn from his thoughts by a beeping noise behind him, and turns to lift the full pot of brewed coffee off its stand, grabbing a couple of mugs and filling them. He hears Josh walk into the room behind him and, just seconds later, looks down at a sudden warmth around his waist to see two arms snaking their way round his hips, one coloured with browns and greens and blues. 

"So, Mark wants me to come in for some meeting thing today," Josh says against Tyler's ear, then dips his head to bite gently at his neck. "It shouldn't take too long, though. I guess I just need to sort some official paperwork crap out. You gonna be okay for an hour or so?"

Tyler turns in Josh's arms to face him with a little pout, sticking out his bottom lip. He's in nothing but a pair of ripped, black skinny jeans and it's unfair how good he looks. "I guess I'll manage," Tyler whimpers, and Josh leans in to peck a kiss to his extended lip with a smirk. 

"I'll tell him to make it quick, okay? You and the kitty cats can hold down the fort while I'm gone," he smiles, and Tyler's eyes light up. 

"Oh, oh! Can we make a Christmas fort? Pleeease, it can be a celebration for me moving in, I promise I'll play in it every single day," he pleads, and Josh bursts out laughing. 

"S'your house, Ty. You can do whatever you want," he grins, and Tyler lets out a little squeal of joy. "Within reason," Josh adds with a crooked smirk, pressing a kiss to Tyler's forehead and grabbing a mug of black coffee from behind him. 

"Thanks for this, by the way. You're such a good little housewife," he chuckles with a wink, sitting down at the kitchen table, and Tyler sticks his tongue, biting it with a smile. 

"Don't expect to be coming home to freshly laundered clothes and a home cooked meal or anything," Tyler corrects him, adding milk and too many sugars to his own coffee, then joining him at the table. "Stolen clothes and Taco Bell drive thru is about the best I can offer," he shrugs as he sits down gingerly, and Josh laughs again. 

"Sounds like my kinda wife," he smiles. "Although I am legitimately missing a _lot_ of clothes. Like, you've taken more than I realised. And you can't keep my new sweatpants," Josh informs him, pointing to Tyler's legs. 

"Aw maaaan, but they're so sick!" Tyler whines, rubbing his hands along the fabric on his thighs. "And comfy as frick!"

"Exactly," Josh grins, tongue between his teeth. "You can borrow 'em sometimes, okay? So long as you let me have _some_ of my stuff back. A couple of shirts at least. I'm alternating between about three outfits now."

"Okay, okay! But only some of it," Tyler bargains with a smirk. "I'll get all my clothes and stuff from the dorm room, all of our stuff will be together anyway. You can wear whatever you want," he smiles sweetly, "but I'm totally keeping these pants."

"I'll tear 'em off you, Ty. Don't think I won't," Josh warns, a familiar little gleam in his eyes, and it makes Tyler's heart race and his blood run hot. 

"I hope you realise you're only encouraging me," he giggles, raising an eyebrow, and Josh looks at him with a challenging smirk, mouth opening to reveal a few perfectly white teeth at one side. Tyler's heart rate picks up again. "You're never getting them back."

With his defiant words, Josh is up like a shot, pushing his seat back across the floor and lunging at Tyler, who truly screams as he jumps up himself, running from the room with the agility of a cat as Josh chases after him, hot on his tail, their coffees abandoned. Tyler runs straight for the bedroom, trying to close the door behind him, but Josh is too quick. He's barging into the room a second later and Tyler squeals out again, giggling as he races over to the corner of the room and leaps onto the bed. 

Josh approaches him slowly, panting a little, with his arms out and his palms up. Tyler notices the little smirk that's barely showing on his lips as he pads gradually closer, and his heart is pounding. "Just give me the sweatpants and nobody gets hurt," Josh utters, still slowly getting closer, and with a snap decision Tyler decides to bolt for the door. 

He jumps from the mattress, getting a few meters through the air before he lands both feet on the floor, but Josh is too fast for him. He grabs Tyler around the waist as soon as he's on the ground, making him squeal out as he struggles and writhes and kicks to get free, the two of them laughing, but he's powerless against Josh's strong arms as he picks him up and carries him a few feet to dump him down onto the bed on his back. 

Tyler is still struggling to free himself, giggling as he kicks his legs and tries to tug his wrists from Josh's hands wrapped tight around them; but then Josh is forcing him back against the bed with even more strength than before, pinning him down flat on the mattress as the muscles of his arm, swirled with colour, flex under his skin, and a little moan escapes Tyler's lips. He loves it when Josh gets rough with him. 

At the noise, Josh's lips go straight to his neck, kissing and licking and biting and sucking, and Tyler is like putty in his hands. His hips are bucking up into Josh's in seconds as more little whines and moans form in his throat. His noises are cut off with a gasp as Josh brings a hand down from one of Tyler's wrists to wrap around his neck and squeeze, still sucking a hickey onto his skin. 

Groans are getting trapped in Tyler's throat now as his hips roll up into Josh's over and over, one finally making it out of his mouth as Josh grinds back down into him, and as much pain as Tyler is in from the night before, he wants Josh desperately. He threads the fingers of his free hand through his bright red hair as he arches his back up off the bed, pressing their entire bodies together, and Josh lets out a little moan into his neck. 

"Fuck, baby boy, you are so God damn sexy," he growls, and Tyler chokes on a whine as Josh's hand grips his throat harder, but then he's letting go, sitting up on his knees with a wry smile, shuffling himself off to the side of the bed. 

"Josh," Tyler whines out in a hoarse half-whisper, grinding his ass down into the mattress as he lets out more desperate little noises. "Please."

Josh mutters a, 'Fuck!' under his breath as he looks back at Tyler, bucking his hips as his eyes slip closed. "You are such a sexy little bitch, I swear to God," he laughs breathily, and Tyler lets out another moan at the sentence. "But I've gotta get ready for this meeting. I tell ya what, you can wear the sweatpants today, but I'm getting them back."

"No, take them off me, c'mon, I told you I was gonna steal them," Tyler protests, voice pleading, ass still making occasional little jerks down into the bed as if he can't help it, and it's making Josh crazy. 

He laughs as he shakes his head and stands up from the bed, Tyler letting out a defeated little sigh as he watches Josh get to his feet. "We've got all the time in the world now, Ty," he chuckles as Tyler sits up with a grumpy pout. "I promise I won't be long, okay?"

"Okay," Tyler huffs, sitting up on the bed. "Tell Mark he can't have you back no matter what."

Josh laughs again, heading to the wardrobe and pulling out his 'TYLER'S BOY FREN' tank top and tugging it on, much to Tyler's glee. "Don't worry. He couldn't have me back in that place for all the staff discount in the world, Ty. But I should get going, I told him I'd be there in half an hour. I'll see you soon, okay?"

Tyler watches him pull on socks, then a pair of hi-tops, and he really doesn't want to let him go, even just for an hour. "I'll miss you," he says quietly, staring at his hands in his lap. It's a little pathetic, really, how much Tyler wants to spend every waking second with him. 'It's not healthy,' the voice in his head tells him, 'you're too clingy.'

"I miss you already," Tyler hears, and he looks up to see Josh pulling on his camouflage jacket and leaning over to peck a kiss to his forehead. "I'll be back before you know it. Be good. Get the kids some breakfast."

Tyler giggles, reaching up to peck his lips to Josh's briefly. "I love you, Jishwa," he whispers against Josh's lips, receiving a gentle kiss in response.

"I love you too, baby boy. I'll see you soon, okay?"

And with an answer in the form of a nod, and a few more kisses, Josh is off on his way to the record store, leaving Tyler to feel as though a piece of himself is going with him.

*****

After having fed the cats, Tyler sets to work finding every box, chair or table he can, using them, along with the living room furniture, to create walls for his fort. His blanket architecture is nowhere near as advanced as Josh's, and he ends up with something that looks more like the pillow creation of a ten-year-old than the wonderful hut that Josh had constructed for them, but he drapes it with sheets all the same, creating a makeshift roof and covering all four sides. 

Leaving the living room briefly, he rummages around in various drawers until he finds a sharpie permanent marker, printer paper, and some sellotape, then scribbles a quick sign to affix to the front of his den, reading: ' **TYLER AND JISH'S CHRISTMAS FORT** ' in bold, scratchy writing, then underneath that in brackets, '[ _no girls allowed_ ]'. 

Satisfied with his handiwork, he runs to the bedroom to grab the pillows and duvets from their bed, then back to the living room for the couch cushions, and crawls into his hut with all of the furnishings. He makes quick work of placing the bedding inside to make it a well padded, comfy little hideaway, then flops down onto his back with a grin. When Josh comes home, they can hang some fairy lights from the ceiling and bring his laptop inside, and spend days on end cuddled up on the floor. Tyler hasn't realised how much he's missed having a fort in the living room, only now that he's back inside one does he realise just how much he loves it. 

No more than a minute or two passes inside the fort before Tyler's phone pings with a text, and he expects to see Josh's name on his screen as he pulls his phone from his pocket. He's a little surprised to see Brendon's name instead as he checks the message, and quickly unlocks his phone to read it. 

Brendon: **I was packing up some of my stuff and I put all your junk in boxes I'm gonna bring it over if you don't think Josh will kill me? I think I should apologise to him.**

Tyler lets out a long sigh, running a hand down his face. Brendon is right, of course. If ever there's going to be a reconciliation between the two of them, he definitely needs to apologise to Josh. Then again, the last time they were in the same room together, Josh made a pretty good attempt at breaking Brendon's nose, and he really isn't in the market for any more drama. 

After a few moments' thought, Tyler makes a few executive decisions. Brendon needs to talk to Josh, and in order to talk to Josh he needs to come over. Josh is still harbouring a lot of anger towards Brendon, and the more notice he has of their impending conversation, the more time he has to sit and stew in that rage. The angrier he gets, the less chance there is of the issue being resolved, and Tyler just wants everything to be okay again. 

He decides not to inform Josh of his plan just yet, not wanting to add fuel to the fire. Perhaps an ambush is the best way to reach a rapprochement. Catching Josh off guard might make him a little more open to an apology.

Bottom lip between his teeth, Tyler taps out a quick reply to Brendon. This might all come around to bite him in the ass, but if things work out according to plan, it'll be worth it. He just wants everything to be okay again. 

*****

In less than ten minutes, Tyler is buzzing Brendon into the apartment building and dragging himself from the comfort of his makeshift fort to let him in the front door. He had half suspected that Brendon's tales of packing were a thinly veiled excuse, just a reason to come over, but sure enough, as he opens the door, there his friend stands, obscured by a high stack of boxes. 

"Hey," Tyler laughs, stepping out of the way as Brendon comes blundering through the entrance. 

"Dude, you live with assholes," is Brendon's first sentence. " _Three_ people walked past me and not one of them offered to help," he complains as he dumps his cargo onto the floor. 

"I guess you're among friends then," Tyler giggles. 

"Oh, _ha ha_ , very funny," Brendon shoots back sarcastically. "So where's Josh?"

"Uhh, he quit his job to play half a song last night," Tyler informs him. "His boss called him in for some meeting thing today. He should be home in a little while."

Brendon visibly relaxes a little at Tyler's words, letting out a sigh. "Well shit," he huffs out. "It wasn't exactly 'worth it'."

"Nah, it was, in the long run," Tyler argues. "It would only have gotten in the way of us giving music our all. It's just a case of actually booking shows now..." he trails off as worry starts to set in with his own words, and Brendon lays a hand on his shoulder. 

"Hey, man. You'll get shows! There's no question of that, you just gotta stick it out. Now, I'd love a coffee if you wanna be a good little barista and get me some."

Tyler rolls his eyes at Brendon's presumptive request, but he's smiling as he leads the way to the kitchen to make them drinks. Using the coffee already in the pot, he fixes them a mug each and they head to the living room, Tyler with an unsettled sense of something close to fear bubbling up in his stomach. He's anxious for Josh's reaction, starting to doubt the sensibility of bringing Brendon into his house without warning. 

"Oh man, do I really wanna go in there?" comes Brendon's voice from behind him as he catches sight of Tyler's fort, pulling him from his worrying. 

"Have no fear! There's been no rampant sex in here," he smiles sweetly. "Yet."

He sees Brendon grimace and giggles again as he holds back a sheet to allow his friend entry. Inside, they settle down into the cushions and blankets, snug in the little nook removed from the rest of the world. 

"So, I think Ryan hates me," Brendon sighs, leaning against the back of an armchair that makes up part of the wall behind him. 

"How come?" Tyler asks, taking a sip of his drink and already knowing the answer. 

"Because of fucking Josh!" Brendon cries, sounding incensed. 

"Hey! Don't blame him for what your stupid ass did. Ryan deserved to know. So I guess you told him last night?"

"Well I kind of had to!" Brendon cuts back, still sounding annoyed. "It's not like I wasn't gonna tell him or anything. I was just waiting for the right time..."

"Bullcrap!" Tyler shouts. "How is there a right time to tell your boyfriend you tried to make out with your best friend? You would've happily gone along not letting him know anything."

"No, I was going to tell him!" Brendon yells. "I just didn't think right in the middle of a fucking party right before we go on fucking stage was exactly prime fucking time!"

"There is no opportune moment to break someone's heart, Brendon," Tyler counters, and his friend's face falls. 

"Enough of the fucking guilt trip, okay? I'm sorry! I fucked up, I know I did. I feel bad enough, you don't need to try and make me feel any worse," he complains, and Tyler feels a little guilty. "I'm trying, alright? I know I can be kind of..."

"Shitty?" Tyler offers, and Brendon glares at him. 

"Yeah, okay, thanks. But I'm trying to be better. I'm trying to change," he says softly, and Tyler leans over to pull him in for a hug, Brendon spilling a little coffee in the process. 

"You're shitty, but I still love you. You're just Brendon. You've always been that way, that was the first thing I told Josh about you," he tells him as an attempt to comfort, but Brendon looks anything but comforted. 

"I don't want to be the friend you've got to warn people about anymore, y'know? I don't wanna make Ryan sad anymore..."

He trails off into a morose silence and Tyler lets him go, straightening back up. "I guess apologising to Josh is as good a place as any to start," he offers, patting his friend on the back. "I haven't seen him hold a grudge. Maybe you'll be okay?"

"You also haven't seen him threaten me if I ever hurt you again," Brendon counters with a look of unease. "He said he'd buy a gun..."

Tyler giggles at this, taking another sip of his coffee. "As far as I'm aware, he isn't currently the owner of any firearms, I think you'll be okay. As far as bullet wounds go, anyway..."

Brendon lets out a sigh, taking a drink from his own cup. "Yeah, we'll see. If I die, tell my mom I'm sorry."

Tyler chuckles again, but his glee is short lived as Brendon brings up a topic he's been avoiding for days. 

"Speaking of moms, have you talked to yours yet?" he asks innocently, taking another long drink of his coffee, and Tyler's heart jolts as a stab of pain runs through his chest, just as it does any time thoughts of his mother suddenly creep up on him. 

"No," he lets out with a weary sigh, tears stinging his eyes. He's let another day go by without even trying to get in touch with her. "I don't think she wants me to. I mean, she's got my number."

His heart sinks as the truth of his own words hits him. She could call him to apologise whenever she wanted. So she mustn't want. 

"Fucking bitch," Brendon spits, and Tyler recoils at the words. "Sorry," he apologises quickly. "But, dude, T-bag, she's a fucking bitch! She's your _mother_! And she's ignoring you over something as silly as the person you love. It's just fucked up."

Tyler can't take it. He cannot stand the thoughts of his mother that invade his mind, reliving the moment she told him to leave over and over, just as he has been every day and night since the incident took place. He can't stand the self-loathing he feels at the very thought of the look on her face once he confessed. He can't bear the idea of never talking to her again, although it looks to be going that way. He desperately grasps at anything that might take his mind elsewhere. 

"Hey, Josh shouldn't be too long, but in the meantime, do you wanna help me unpack the stuff you brought over? We might as well get something done," he suggests. 

"Sure," Brendon sighs. "Seeing as I'm trying to be a good friend and all."

The two of them get to their feet and head to the hallway where the boxes Brendon brought still lie, discarded on the floor. Tyler's sense of dread is building, but he distracts himself with folding clothes and tidying away miscellaneous items. He can worry more when the time comes. 

*****

They make short work of unpacking Tyler's boxes, everything feeling much more official now that he's properly moved in. He and Brendon are back in the makeshift fort on the living room floor, watching cartoons on his laptop and laughing away. All too soon, Tyler hears the familiar clicking of a key in the lock, and he pauses their show with a gulp. Josh is home. 

As he walks through the door, Tyler rushes into the hall to meet him, Josh clocking his guilty smile right off the bat as he raises his eyebrows. "Hey, baby," he smiles, leaning in to press his lips to Tyler's forehead. "What's that look for?"

Tyler bites his lip as Josh pulls back to peer up at him. "Uhh, okay, so, don't get mad," he stalls. 

"Ooh, that's never a good start," Josh grimaces, running a hand through his red curls. 

"It's Brendon," Tyler blurts out, and he sees anger creeping into Josh's expression. "No! Don't get mad," he pleads. "He just wants to say he's sorry, that's all. I'll tell him to leave if you want, but he just wants to apologise."

Josh takes in a deep breathe, exhaling slowly through his nose with closed eyes, and, without another word, starts towards the living room, Tyler hot on his heels. As they walk through the doorway, they find Brendon pacing the floor in front of the Christmas tree. When he catches sight of Josh, he stops in his tracks, his body stiffening as Josh takes a few steps towards him. 

Tyler is a little concerned that it's going to turn into a repeat of the frat house kitchen, but decides to stay out of it. The quarrel is not his to settle, and he can't exactly pick a side. It'll play out however it plays out, and he stands on the sidelines to watch. 

"Hey, Josh," Brendon tries, but he's met with a cold and stony silence. "Uhh... Okay, first off, I am so sorry. There's nothing I can say to make what I did okay or to undo it, no matter how bad I wish I could, and I acknowledge that. I fucked up."

"Yup," Josh cuts in, popping the 'p' sound, and Brendon stiffens further. 

"I want you to know that I didn't mean it. That kiss didn't mean anything," he goes on, and Josh's eyes narrow. "I was just drunk and sleep deprived and stupid, I don't know why the fuck I..." He sees the anger in Josh's face growing more intense as he talks about it, and he quickly changes the subject, "anyway, yeah. I'm just really sorry. I really care about him," he gestures to Tyler, and Josh lets out a shout of laughter. 

"Yeah, you've got a funny way of showing it," he scowls, and Brendon grimaces a little. 

"I know," he agrees, hanging his head. "I'm a shitty friend, I know. I'm a shitty boyfriend, I'm a shitty person! But I'm working on it, I really am," he protests, sounding desperate, and Tyler feels so sorry for him, but keeps his mouth shut. He sees Brendon look over to him, eyes begging him for help, and he just shrugs his shoulders, dropping his eyes to the ground. 

"Work harder," is all Josh says, and Brendon looks truly hurt. 

"I don't mean to fuck up all the time. I really don't. I don't _try_ to hurt people, it just keeps happening. But I'm trying to stop, I really am, and I'm not asking you to say everything's okay, or for you to tell me you love me or anything. Just, he's my best friend," Brendon meets Josh's gaze now, tearing his eyes away from the picture on the wall he had been staring at so intently. Tyler thinks he can see tears forming in Brendon's eyes, and he just wants to hug him. "I'm sorry. But I love him, and I don't wanna stop seeing him, and if he lives with you I guess that means you'll have to put up with me."

Josh scoffs at this, eyebrows knitting together in a scowl, and Tyler's heart sinks a little. He doesn't want to stop seeing Brendon either, nor does he want to deal with having his boyfriend hate his best friend for the rest of his life. He looks back over to his friend, who looks like he's in two minds about saying something, and then he speaks up. 

"Look man, I know you hate me," Brendon starts, but Josh interrupts him, looking annoyed. 

"I don't hate you, I just think you're a piece of shit," he spits, and Brendon physically flinches a little with his words, as though fearing another punch. 

"Okay, so I know you think I'm a piece of shit then," he amends, and Josh snorts. "But listen, Josh, I promised Tyler that he was gonna be on stage playing with us when we got shows, and I'm not gonna break this one. I want him up there with me, and it'd be..." He takes a deep breath, as if convincing himself to keep going, "It would be an honour to have you up there too."

Josh is silent now, just staring at Brendon, and Tyler can't read his expression, but he doesn't see any evident disdain. He glances back at Brendon, who seems intensely awkward under Josh's gaze. Brendon fiddles with the hem of his shirt, waiting in the uncomfortable silent for a few moments before piping up again. 

"It won't be for a while. Not until after we record the album and everything, so there's plenty of time to prepare and whatever. I just," Brendon heaves out a great sigh, looking defeated. "I'm sorry man, okay? I was drunk and stupid and a piece of shit, but he's my best friend. I want him, I want both of you guys, to play with us."

Tyler can see Josh's resolve slipping before Brendon can, noticing the softening of his features as the cogs in his mind turn. He looks over at Tyler, who gives him a little smile and an almost imperceptible shrug, and then Josh looks over to Brendon again, who's practically squirming in the silence. 

"Yeah, we'll play with you," he relents, and Brendon breaks out into a grin right away. "I'm not saying I forgive you," Josh assures him, and Brendon's smile falters just a touch. "I still think you're total garbage, but he's your best friend. And _I'm_ not a piece of shit."

Brendon cringes with the jab, but the remnants of a smile still draw his cheeks up at the sides of his mouth. "Thanks, man. Really, I appreciate it. It'll be totally sick to have you guys open for us. People are gonna love you."

Josh smiles at this, and Tyler sees Brendon's shoulders fall with relief, relaxing his muscles as he slumps a little. 

"People are gonna love him," Josh tells Brendon, turning to smile at Tyler. "He's the reason people are gonna want to see more."

Tyler feels his cheeks heat up with a blush as he looks down at his feet, and he hears Brendon laughing. "Alright, enough of the mushy, lovey-dovey shit," he sighs. "I should get going, leave you two love birds to christen your fort."

Tyler laughs at this, but Josh's expression is still set in stone as he takes a step towards Brendon. He holds a hand out, and Brendon flinches just a touch. "Truce?" Josh asks, hand still extended, and Brendon grasps it enthusiastically. 

"Truce!" he agrees. "And I know you won't believe me, I have given you no reason to, but I promise I am never gonna fuck up like this again. And I'll just have to prove it to you." He turns to Tyler now, "I'm sorry, T-bag. I'm sorry I hurt you and that I'm a shitty friend. But I'm _your_ shitty friend, and I'm trying to be better."

Tyler pulls Brendon into a quick, squeezing hug. "Just don't break this one, okay?"

"Okay," Brendon nods, pulling back from the hug. "I'll see myself out. Have a good day, you guys." 

Tyler calls out a goodbye as Brendon makes his way out of the apartment, then he turns to Josh. "I'm sorry," he starts, glancing down at his hands. "I just didn't want you to get mad. I just wanted everything to be okay. I'm sorry I didn't tell you," he looks back up to see Josh smiling at him. 

"Hey, it's okay," he assures Tyler. "No biggie. Although don't expect me to be making him friendship bracelets any time soon."

Tyler laughs, stepping forward to kiss Josh's bottom lip. "Thank you," he says softly. "I really appreciate it. I know it can't have been easy to forgive him like that."

"It's not about him, Ty, it's about you. He's your best friend. If the baggage you come with is Brendon-shaped, I'll just have to deal with it."

Tyler giggles at this, pressing another kiss to Josh's lips. "So, what did Mark want?"

Josh lets out a sigh, running a hand through his hair again. "We need to discuss some stuff," he tells Tyler. "Sick fort, by the way. C'mon, we can talk in there."

With a grin, he disappears behind the sheets, Tyler following soon after. The two of them sit, cross-legged and facing one another, on the padded floor inside, Tyler looking expectantly at Josh, who sighs again. 

"Okay, so! First of all, me quitting wasn't a problem, that's not what he wanted to talk to me about," he begins, and Tyler raises a quizzical eyebrow. "So you know that we're close, right? Like, more than a boss-employee kind of thing. He gave me a place to live and a job when I first arrived here. I owe Mark a lot."

Tyler nods, with no clue where this is going. 

"Okay, so, he's been doing a lot of filmmaking on the side," Josh tells him. "Ever since I first met him, he's always had a camera to hand. That's what he wants to do with his life, he doesn't wanna spend the rest of his days working in a record store either."

"Sure?" Tyler says, still unsure of what Josh is getting at. 

With a sigh, Josh comes out with the point of his story. "He wants to help us. He's gonna leave the store, he's already looking for someone to take over the managerial position. He thinks you're freaking great, Ty. He's only seen us play that one day in the store, but he wants in. He can see how much talent you have."

Tyler feels the heat of a blush rising in his cheeks as he glances down at his hands, a little uncomfortable with the praise, and Josh smiles. 

"I've known him for years," he goes on. "He's great, he's really, really great. You two would get along so well, and Mark was the first person I talked to as a sad, scared little runaway teen. Mark gave me a place to stay and got me work, he supported me until I got up on my own two feet. I really do owe him a lot, and he really wants to help."

"That's sick as frick," Tyler grins, and Josh beams at him. 

"Yeah?" he asks with a smile. "I mean, he'd help with the technical side of things, and promotion, I dunno. All sorts of stuff. It just might be helpful to have a third person around, since we're only two."

"Yeah! I think it's a great idea," Tyler insists. "If we're gonna be travelling and stuff for shows, it's not like we have a whole team of people. And he seems great. Yeah! I love it," he tells Josh honestly. 

"That's great, Ty, that's so great! I've gotta go tell him, he was all nervous and everything, it was hilarious," Josh beams. "I was thinking, you two should get to know each other better first, and, I mean, it _is_ custom to throw a party when somebody moves house."

"Can we keep the fort up for the party?" Tyler pouts, and Josh chuckles. 

"Of course we can, baby boy," he grins, and Tyler returns the smile. 

"Okay, sounds good! Maybe I could invite Zack to come over, too," he suggests, and Josh perks up.

"Yeah, that's a great idea! I'm gonna go give Mark a call, tell him the good news. You could call Zack if you like? See if he wants to come," Josh offers, pulling out his phone and shuffling towards the fort entrance.

"Actually, that's a brilliant plan," Tyler grins, and Josh gives him a smile over his shoulder as he draws back the curtain over the exit. 

Once Josh is back out in the living room, Tyler pulls out his own cell phone with a sigh. This is going to be the first time he's talked to anyone back home since the incident, and as much as he wants to see his brother again, a part of him really isn't looking forward to this. Pulling up his brother's contact information, his thumb hovers over the call button. Does he really want to know what has happened in the aftermath of his confession?

No. But he really wants to see his brother. With more resolve than he thought he had, Tyler presses the call button and holds the phone up to his ear, listening to a few robotic rings before a familiar voice greets him. 

"Hey, Tyler!" Zack cheers out with laughter in his voice. "How's it going, man?"

"Actually, really frickin' great, thanks," Tyler grins, the joy in his brother's voice proving contagious. "How are you, little brother?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty good too, thanks," comes the reply, and Tyler can hear laughter in the background of the call. "So, what's up, bro?"

"Hey, if you're busy with friends or whatever I can call back later," Tyler offers, but after protests from Zack he continues. "Well, I...uhh. Josh and I are living together now," he starts, and he's briefly interrupted. 

"What, really?! That's awesome, dude!" he enthuses, and Tyler smiles harder. 

"It really is," he agrees. "So, we're having, like, a house warming thing? I thought you might like to come, and you can meet Josh. We can work on that song I was talking about, too."

He bites his lip as he waits for an answer, but it doesn't take long. "Yeah, man! That sounds great," Zack bubbles. "Although I dunno how I'd get over. I don't think mom and dad would lend me the car for that long."

"Oh, I'll come get you for sure!" Tyler assures him, feeling giddy at the idea. "I can't wait!"

"Yeah, me neither, it'll be fun," Zack agrees, and then Tyler asks the question that's been nagging at him since he pressed the call button. 

"Hey, so did mom say anything about what happened after I left last week?" he questions, heart rate speeding up in the following silence. 

"No," Zack replies, lowering his voice. "I asked her what was up and she just said you had to go. What gives, man?"

"I had to go?!" Tyler cries with a shout of humourless laughter. "Yeah, right, I had to go because she _told_ me to! I told her about Josh and she just..." all the anger leaves him and he lets out a defeated sigh. "She just told me to leave," he deadpans, and he hears Zack gasp. 

"No," he hushes in awe, and Tyler nods before he realises his brother can't see him. 

"Yeah. She hasn't talked to me since," his voice quavers a little as his eyes start to sting. 

"Shoot, man," Zack huffs out. "You want me to talk to her?"

"No! No, dude. Thanks and everything, but I think she just needs time, maybe. Or she'll hate me forever. But either way, I figure I should just leave her to it, let her deal with it whatever way she wants. If she doesn't wanna talk to me again..." he trails off, unsure of how to end that sentence. What if she really doesn't ever speak to him again? What if Tyler has to spend the rest of his life never hearing from his mother? 

"That isn't going to happen, Tyler. Mom loves you. She never shuts up about you, and how proud of you her and dad are, she always tells us we need to be more like you!" Zack laughs, but Tyler doesn't join in. 

"Yeah, that won't be the case anymore. I told her I was quitting college on the way out, so there goes the pride," he sighs, and Zack lets out an incredulous laugh. 

"Dude, okay, that's badass," he chuckles, and Tyler smiles a little. 

"Yeah, Brendon thought so too," he smirks. "But, okay, so, I'll let you get back to your friends. I'll text you with the details and stuff, yeah?"

"Yeah, man!" Zack agrees, that same joy in his voice, and he's doing a good job of making Tyler feel better. At least he hasn't lost his entire family. "Keep me posted, and I'll see you soon, yeah?"

"For sure, I can't wait," Tyler says again, smiling, and he really can't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can talk to me if you'd like!
> 
> Tumblr: http://trashler.tumblr.com  
> Twitter: @rumerpriestly  
> YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/rumerpriestly
> 
> Thank you for reading, fren ❤️


	46. Hosting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCKING **_FINALLY_**!!  
>  My frens. It seems as though I post more apologies than chapters these days.   
> I am genuinely so, so sorry this took so long. The longest wait yet, and I hate myself for it. I'm sorry this chapter is so jumpy and all over the place, it just reflects my mind these days. I'm sorry I'm making you read this long ass chapter note.   
> I'm just struggling. A lot. It's getting so bad. I didn't think I was going to see the end of the week at one point. I'm trying, please believe that. I promise you, I'm trying. And I promised that I was going to finish this story, and I am. For you guys, and for me.   
> Thank you all for sticking with me through the droughts. Thank you all for your support and love throughout this. Thank you all for helping me more than most people in my personal life. I love you all, I promise you this. Stay alive, frens 

Tyler and Josh spend all afternoon lazing around on the living room floor in their Christmas fort. They waste away hours watching cartoons, drinking coffees, eating junk food, and cuddling together amongst the cushions, and Tyler feels more at peace than he has done in a long time. It amazes him, how content he is to just lie on the floor all day. He finds more joy in this simple activity than he has done in almost anything else for a while now. 

"Oh, hey!" Josh cries suddenly, interrupting their episode of Adventure Time, "I nearly forgot!" He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a brand new, shiny, silver key. "I got this cut for you earlier."

He hands the key to Tyler, who takes it from Josh's outstretched fingers as though it's precious and fragile. "Wow," he breathes, beaming at the small metal object in his palm. "I guess I'm officially moved in now."

He looks up at Josh, who's grinning back at him. "Yup! Although, let's face it, you've pretty much been living here for a couple months now."

Tyler giggles as he slips the key into the pocket of his jeans. "Yeah, but it's _official_ now!"

Josh wraps an arm around Tyler's shoulders, dragging him in for a squeezing hug and planting a kiss on the top of his head. "I couldn't ask for a better roommate," he grins, and Tyler quirks an eyebrow as he pulls back from the hug. 

"I dunno, someone who cooks and cleans and actually contributes to the household might be nice," he smirks, but Josh shakes his head. 

"Naaah, being super adorable and giving incredible head definitely factor higher in the list of pros than housework," Josh grins, and Tyler giggles again. 

"Well then, you hit the jackpot!" he laughs, and Josh pulls him in for another hug. 

"I'm serious though," he insists. "Not about the blow jobs, although that's equally true. But for real, I'm so glad you're here. Forever! And I didn't even have to handcuff you to the radiator and hold you hostage," he chuckles. 

"Hey, let's not rule that out! Sounds like fun," Tyler retorts, physically pushing Josh down onto his back, so that he can curl up into him and lay his head on Josh's chest. 

"Oh yeah? I'll make sure and pop into Victoria's Secret next time I'm passing, I'm sure I could pick up some nice fuzzy ones so your wrists don't chafe," he jokes, wrapping both arms around Tyler's waist and pulling him closer. 

A few moments of silence pass as they watch their cartoon, before Tyler pipes up again. "Hey, Jishwa, I was thinking," he starts. 

"Hmm?"

"Okay, so Zack is gonna come to the party and all, but that's probably not gonna be the best setting for you guys to get to know each other and everything. Plus, I wanted to try and work on a song with him. Do you think he could come down a day early? We could hang out and work on music and stuff," he suggests, resting his chin on Josh's chest to peer up at him. 

"Yeah! That sounds sick," Josh smiles. "Although he'd have to sleep on the couch, unless you wanna squeeze him into bed next to us."

"The couch'll do fine," Tyler grins. "I don't think he's quite ready for the three-way-spoon yet."

Josh gives him another little squeeze around the waist, chuckling. "Sweet. Sounds good, baby boy. I was thinking Saturday would be a good day to bring people round, so you could bring Zack over on Friday?"

"Perfect," Tyler agrees, excitement bubbling through him. For some reason, he really can't wait for his boyfriend and his brother to meet. He has a feeling the two will get along wonderfully. 

Another few quiet minutes go by, the cartoon in the background just noise as Tyler's thoughts take precedence. The thought of recording a song with his brother has his mind back on music, and as has been the cycle recently, it dredges up those same anxious thoughts and fears. What are they going to do, now that Tyler's out of class and Josh is out of work? How are they going to get shows? How are they going to support themselves?

"Hey, Josh?" he utters quietly, and Josh tears his eyes from the laptop screen to look down at Tyler, head still on his chest. 

"What's up, T-bag?"

"Where do we go from here?" Tyler asks, uncertainty in his voice. 

"Whatcha mean, Ty?" Josh asks, pausing the show still playing in the background to give Tyler his full attention. 

"With music, I mean. With shows and stuff. What do we do? I literally have no idea where to even start..." he trails off as he looks down, fingers tracing circles into Josh's shirt. His heartbeat is racing just thinking about it. What if they've made a mistake?

"Well, Mark said we should go online and find every club or bar we can in Ohio that does live music nights, and send as many emails as we can. I guess we just have to ask, y'know? We aren't gonna get any gigs if we aren't getting our name out there. The more emails we send, the more chance we hear back from someone," Josh tells him matter-of-factly, and it seems as though he knows exactly what he's talking about. 

"Okay, that doesn't sound so scary," Tyler smiles, looking back up and meeting Josh's eye contact, fingers still trailing patterns across his chest. 

"There's nothing to be scared of, Ty," Josh assures him with a smile, giving him another squeeze around the waist. "We're gonna get shows, don't worry. Mark said we should work on building a fanbase at home first. It might take a while, but we'll do it. Besides, even if we're busking for coins on a street corner, we're still playing. Right?"

Tyler grins at the sentiment, remembering all the times he's said that he'd be happier playing music on the street than he had been in college. "Right. You're totally right," he smiles, resting his head back down on Josh's chest. "Thanks, Jish."

"We're gonna be okay, Ty. No matter what," Josh insists, leaning down to press his lips to Tyler's forehead. "I've got you, and you've got me. Even if it's us against the world, we're gonna be okay," he smiles. 

And Tyler believes him with all his heart. 

*****

Tyler wakes up with a gasp on Thursday morning, in a cold sweat, as he whips his head around, trying to find his bearings. This has been happening seemingly every time he closes his eyes. Images of his mother, in tears, casting him out, swirl before his eyes. Unfocused scenes, blurry around the edges, lingering from his dreams and merging with the waking world. His sleep has been tortured with these anxious dreams since his birthday. 

Josh stirs beside him, rubbing bleary eyes as Tyler tries to catch his breath. "Dreams again?" he asks, with sympathy in his voice. He's already well versed in the thoughts that haunt Tyler in his sleep. 

"Yeah," Tyler sighs, flopping his head back down on the pillow beside Josh. "She was yelling again," his quiet voice trails off as Josh pulls him in for a hug, peppering kisses across his forehead and over his cheeks. 

"I'm sorry, Ty," he sighs, squeezing Tyler around the waist. "It's gonna be okay, I promise. Just give it time."

Tyler just nods, not quite believing the words. Will it ever be okay? Will she ever forgive him? He has no idea, and that thought terrifies him. 

"Hey, I need to do a grocery store run today, to get snacks for people coming round. You wanna come with me? It might be a good distraction," Josh offers, and Tyler nods again with a smile, any reason to take his mind off his mother more than welcome. 

"Thanks, Jishwa," he mumbles, and he feels Josh squeezing him tightly again. 

"Let's go get some breakfast," Josh suggests, and Tyler smiles again, letting Josh unwrap his arms from around his waist and stretch out across the bed. "We could maybe work on recording a song or something later, too?"

"Yeah, we should," Tyler agrees, grinning. Josh has this wonderful knack for making him feel immediately okay, no matter what dark headspace he's occupying, and he's so thankful to have him. 

He watches as his boyfriend stands up from the bed, slouching over to the closet to tug on his faded, baggy NASA t-shirt, smiling over his shoulder at Tyler as he leaves the room. 

As soon as Josh is gone, Tyler's thoughts drift back to his family, worrying about potential irreparable damage to his relationships, the grim fear of not being with them for Christmas nagging at him, and he shakes his head, trying to clear his mind, as he drags himself out of bed to follow Josh down the hall. 

In the kitchen, Tyler sees Josh at work at the counter, and walks up behind him to wrap his arms around his waist, gripping him tightly as he sets about fixing them a bowl of cereal each. The storm in his brain is calmed right away, even just by his scent, and he breathes it in deeply. 

"I love you, Josh," he states simply, pressing a kiss to the nape of his neck, and he smirks as he sees Josh shiver under the touch of his lips. 

"I love you too, Tyler," Josh replies, and he can hear the smile in his voice. "You want some coffee?"

"Yes please," Tyler nods against his spine, a grin taking over his lips. There's something so wonderful about the simple little details of them living together. He can find so much happiness in something as small as coffee in the morning. 

"I figure we should maybe start trying to send out some emails today, too. Y'know, get a foot in the door," Josh suggests, turning in Tyler's arms to envelop him in a cuddle. "The sooner we start the better, I figure."

Tyler nods again, leaning in to press a kiss to Josh's mouth, pulling his bottom lip away between his teeth. "You're full of good ideas, today," he smirks once their lips are parted. 

"When am I ever not?" Josh grins, then he takes his arms from around him to turn and grab their bowls of cereal. "Here ya go, a gourmet meal prepared fresh just for you," he winks, and Tyler giggles. 

"You spoil me!"

"That's my job, Ty," Josh grins, pressing a little kiss to his forehead. "Now eat up, we've got a big day ahead of us! I'll meet you in the fort with coffees."

*****

Before long, the two of them find themselves in a Walmart parking lot, Josh pulling into a space by the door as Tyler unbuckles his seatbelt. In their short silences, his mind is still going to dark places, worries of returning home for the first time since his mother told him to leave plaguing his thoughts. He's so conflicted; on one hand, he can't wait to see Zack again, but on the other, he's filled with an unbearable dread about his arrival. 

"You ready?" comes Josh's voice from the driver's seat beside him, pulling him out of his spiralling thoughts. 

Tyler just nods, Josh giving him a sympathetic squeeze to the thigh. He hasn't been pressing the matter, for which Tyler is thankful, but he knows Josh is aware of just how much these fears are wearing on him. 

"Just take it one step at a time, Ty," Josh advises, knowingly. "We're gonna get some groceries, okay?"

"Okay," Tyler agrees, appreciating his help. Just take everything one step at a time. 

They emerge from the car and Josh heads straight to the little cluster of shopping karts outside the front entrance, pulling one from the stack and turning to face Tyler. 

"Jump in!" he grins, and Tyler smirks as he does just that, leaping into the basket to take a seat. 

A soothing rush of warm air surrounds them as Josh pushes him through the automatic doors, and the nostalgic jingles of Christmas music fill Tyler's ears as Josh whizzes them through a maze of aisles straight to shelves filled with candy and chocolate. 

"I figure we're looking for the four main food groups," Josh tells him as he creeps down the aisle of colourful wrappers and packets. "We've got chocolate, candy, chips and soda."

"You're missing, like, six!" Tyler protests immediately. "What about French fries? Burritos? Cookies and cakes? Cereal?!"

"Oh! My bad, I'm talking party food groups exclusively," Josh corrects himself, and Tyler giggles. 

"That's better! I dunno, so long as there's Doritos and Red Bull I'm satisfied" he smirks, and Josh nods in agreement. 

"Deal! Hey, are we drinking?" Josh asks, and Tyler shakes his head right away. 

"I told you, I'm never drinking again. People can bring their own alcohol if they want, but we won't provide any. It's not an activity I wanna encourage, especially with Brendon around," Tyler insists, and he notes an immediate change in Josh's expression. 

"Oh, _he's_ coming?" he asks, his voice much lower than it had been, and Tyler tries to backtrack. 

"Well, he doesn't have to! I just thought-"

"No, why wouldn't he come? He's your best friend," Josh interrupts, feigning a smile as he loads the kart with Reese's peanut butter cups. 

"Really, he doesn't have to," Tyler persists. "I haven't told him yet or anything, he doesn't even know."

"He's your best friend, Ty," Josh repeats, although he still looks a little troubled. "Of course he's coming."

Tyler sits in an awkward silence for a moment, wishing he hadn't brought his friend up in conversation, until he's distracted by a huge assortment of packets of candy and chips being thrown into his lap in the kart. 

"You think that's enough?" Josh asks with a gorgeous smile, eyes crinkling at the edges and lips curling to reveal perfectly white teeth. 

"I dunno, you might want a couple more bags of chips, there's this regional boy's choir coming with the army that we might not have enough to feed," Tyler giggles, and Josh laughs with him, adding a pack of Cheetos on top for good measure. 

As he pulls the kart back from the shelves, Josh steps up onto the bar of the back wheels and uses the whole thing like a skateboard, pushing them along with one foot and then stepping up to go whizzing along the walkway in the center of the aisles. Tyler giggles with glee as he grabs the edges of the basket, staring up at Josh as he whips his head from side to side, checking the contents of each aisle as they go. 

Their fun is short lived, however, as a security guard suddenly appears, thrusting a hand out to stop their vehicle in its tracks and jolting them to an abrupt halt. He's a portly gentleman, his early balding apparent despite the presence of a hat on his head. He looks incredibly grumpy, and Tyler briefly wonders if it has anything to do with his thinning hair. 

"Out!" he barks at Tyler with a stern glare, and he can see Josh stiffen at the security guard's tone as he clambers out of the basket. 

With that, the guard turns on his heel and marches off, although, given his stature, it's more of an angry waddle. Tyler starts to giggle nervously as soon as the man is out of ear shot, but Josh looks affronted. 

"Psssht, he can't make my boyfren walk!" he grumbles, annoyed. "C'mere," he motions for Tyler to come closer, then turns around and crouches in front of him, taking a hand over each shoulder and hiking Tyler up onto his back. 

Tyler clings to Josh tightly, with arms and legs wrapped around his neck and waist, while he pushes the kart through the grocery to pick up a few things here and there. He makes a point of walking them past the guard at least three times, watching with a smirk as he rolls his eyes and huffs out these big, theatrical sighs.

"He's just mad because he can't do shit," Josh grins, craning his neck to murmur in Tyler's ear on their third pass by the guard. "Piggy backs aren't breaking da rulez."

Tyler cackles at this, holding on to Josh even tighter as he makes a quick about turn, walking by the guard one last time, and heading towards the checkout. 

*****

That evening, after a brief debate over who wanted to carry out the task the least, Josh is landed with the duty of sending out emails to clubs and bars in the general vicinity. 

"You're doing it next time, for sure!" Josh huffs from the bed as he taps away at the keys of his laptop keyboard. "How do you grovel for a show while still sounding professional?"

"I dunno, we can ask Mark about it on Saturday," Tyler offers from behind his piano. "I promise I'll try next time. We can share the load," he adds, fingers taking up residence on the keys of his own keyboard. 

Josh sighs as he goes back to the screen in front of him, looking at a loss for words, a complete juxtaposition to Tyler, who can't get a grip of the words rushing through his mind. 

"Hey," he calls out suddenly, pulling Josh's focus from his email again, "have you ever heard the word 'anathema' before?"

Josh raises an eyebrow. "Ah-nath-uh-muh?" He looks puzzled. "Never heard of it. What's that mean?"

Tyler frowns a little. "It's something, or someone even, that you really hate. Something vile, something disgusting." His eyebrows crease as he looks down at the black and white keys before him, thinking of his mother. "Someone you'd cast out."

Josh pouts a little, his brow creasing with worry. "Why'd you think of that?" he asks quietly, and Tyler lets out a little sigh. 

"I was thinking of using it as a song name. It's not a word many people know about, it's something that might start a conversation, you know?"

"Did you have a song in mind?" Josh asks him, still looking a little concerned, and Tyler nods. 

Without another word, his hands take their place, hovering above the keys of his piano, and he begins playing a solemn melody, just five main chords repeated, as he starts singing the words that have been bouncing around inside his skull for over a week.

" _You will never know what's behind my skull, so won't you say goodnight so I can say goodbye? You will never know what's under my hair, so won't you say goodnight so I can say goodbye? You will never know what's under my skin, so won't you say goodnight so I can say goodbye? You will never know what is in my veins, so won't you say goodnight so I can say goodbye?_ "

He doesn't look at Josh as he sings, not ready to see the pity he's certain his face is bound to show. The lyrics have been haunting him for a while now, and he didn't really want to cement the pain into a song he'd have to sing again and again, but they're fighting to get out. 

" _Won't you go to someone else's dreams? Won't you go to someone else's head? Haven't you taken enough from me? Won't you torture someone else's sleep?_ "

He lets the words trail off, hanging in the air above him as he goes through the chords one last time, then leaves the music to settle into silence. He doesn't look up from his fingers, still hovering over the keys as if willing him to keep playing. He doesn't want feedback or criticism. The song is too raw, far too real, for him to cope with even the smallest critique. 

Suddenly, Tyler huffs all the air out of his lungs as Josh's arms engulf him from behind, squeezing the breath out of him. Josh's lips are kissing at his neck as his grip tightens, only letting go when Tyler lets out a little squeak. 

"I'm sorry, Ty," he says finally, standing behind Tyler with a hand on each of his shoulders. "It won't be like this forever. Don't forget, I've been there too, and look at my mom now. Your mom is gonna come around, Ty. I promise."

Tyler covers one of Josh's hands with his own, a tiny smile playing at the corners of his mouth. "Thanks, Jish," he utters softly. 

"Hey, c'mere," Josh encourages, throwing himself down on the bed and patting the empty space on the mattress next to him. Tyler gets up slowly and lowers himself down onto the bed, where Josh sits up to wrap an arm around his shoulders. "You know, a wise man once told me to 'take the pain, ignite it.' I think that's pretty good advice. Channel it into writing songs, into playing shows, put the emotion into what you love and turn it into a positive."

"I dunno. He doesn't sound that wise. He kind of sounds like a loser college dropout to me," Tyler teases, and Josh shoves him jokingly. 

"Another thing, I didn't bring it up because I was kind of hoping the whole situation with your mom would be resolved and you'd be going home. But my mom invited you round for Christmas, if you wanna come? I get that it's a lot, and you don't have to go. But the offer's there."

Tyler's face lights up with a grin as he turns to fling his arms around Josh's shoulders and drag him into a tight hug. "I would love that," he beams. "I'd love that so much. Thank you."

"Oh man, my mom is gonna be _thrilled_ ," Josh chuckles, hugging Tyler back. "We don't have to spend all day. Just for food and presents. It'll be fun, though."

"I can't wait!" Tyler enthuses, still beaming. "You've gotta let your mom bust out the home videos this time!"

Josh just groans, falling back onto the mattress and dragging Tyler with him. "We'll see," he grumbles eventually, and Tyler giggles. Suddenly, the weight of the world has been lifted from his shoulders, just by Josh doing what he does best.

*****

The next morning, Tyler wakes up early, his sleep still plagued by nightmares of his mother. He lies in the silence, occasionally punctuated by little snores or grunts from Josh beside him. Today, he's going back home. Realistically, he probably won't interact with his mother at all; all he has to do is pull up at the end of the driveway and send Zack a text to say he's outside. Nothing scary, right? That isn't some frightening, impossible task. But for some reason, he's utterly terrified. 

It's at least a few hours of Tyler battling his fears and doubts alone before Josh wakes up, pulling Tyler in for a cuddle as soon as his eyes are open. Tyler lets out a little sigh, rolling into the hug and Josh holds him tighter still. 

"'You doing okay?" Josh asks with a slight frown after a glance at Tyler's tired eyes and blue-tinged skin. 

"I'm fine," Tyler brushes it off with a forced smile. There's not much that can be done about anything now. At least, by the end of the day, he'll be worry free. That is, until he has to take Zack back home again. 

Josh definitely sees right through him, but he doesn't push it. He always seems to know exactly what Tyler needs without him even having to ask for it. He leans over to press a kiss to Josh's forehead for once, earning him a chuckle. 

"C'mon, I'ma make you breakfast before you go," Josh chirps, bouncing up from the bed. "We're having pancakes, because it's all I know how to make, but mostly because you deserve it," he grins, and Tyler giggles. 

"Pancakes sound great!" he calls after Josh as he makes his way down the hall. "I'm just gonna have a shower first!"

Around ten minutes later, Tyler walks into the kitchen, in a baggy t-shirt a and some skinny jeans, to find Josh sitting at the kitchen table, tapping away at his laptop. "Hey, there are a bunch of venues in Columbus! Battle of the Bands nights and stuff, we should give it a go back home! And we've got places to stay if we need 'em."

"We've got _a_ place to stay," Tyler corrects him, throwing himself down in the wooden seat opposite Josh. "What if I'm never allowed back? What if she never lets me stay again?"

"Tyler, you've gotta quit thinking like that," Josh interrupts, looking stern. "I'm sorry, I know it really sucks. But she's your mom! She loves you more than anything, and this isn't gonna last forever. I promise you that. She just needs time, and you've just gotta give that to her." Tyler goes to speak again, but Josh cuts in before him. "I know it's not easy. Shit, I know exactly how hard it is! But you've just gotta give her time, Ty. She'll come around. You're her son!"

Tyler heaves out a great sigh again, resting his chin on his folded arms on the table. "You're right. I know you're right. It's just hard. It's just... What if-"

"No 'what if' thinking, okay? If there's one thing anxiety has taught me, it's to live right now. So just worry about right now, okay? And right now, we're gonna eat pancakes and watch cartoons."

With that, Josh is out of his seat and at the counter, plating up breakfast for both of them. Tyler can't keep the smile off his face as he's handed a heaping stack of pancakes and syrup, or as he's guided by a hand at the small of his back into the fort in the living room.

"Thanks, Jishwa," he mumbles through a mouth of pancakes, spraying crumbs across the floor as Josh sets up an episode of Adventure Time. 

"It's my job, Ty," Josh grins at him, taking a huge mouthful of pancake himself and sitting back to watch the show. 

*****

The whole car ride on his way back to his childhood home, Tyler misses his car radio. It's never until these long journeys that he really notices its absence, only when he really needs it does he remember that it's not there. All he can think about is his mother, about how he doesn't even feel welcome in his own home. He attempts to busy himself with half-written songs, lyrics coming to him in the silence left behind from the music that isn't playing. He really ought to replace his radio, these long drives are almost physically painful without the distraction. 

Briefly, he wonders to himself if Zack even told their mom where he was going , if she knows Tyler is coming to get him. Will she be waiting at the end of the path, with open arms and tears in her eyes, begging for forgiveness

His stomach twists in knots, fear and doubt and guilt eating away at his insides , because he knows that's not going to be the case. If she really wanted to talk to him, if she was concerned with his forgiveness, she would have gotten in touch by now. He knows this deep down, however he can't help but hold out a little hope that it might just happen. He's growing more and more anxious as the drive wears on, until he's about ten minutes away from the house and in danger of barfing all over his steering wheel.

His stomach is doing flips, twisting and churning in his abdomen. His palms are sweating where he grips the steering wheel so tightly his fingers and knuckles turn white. His breaths are coming in short, sharp gasps that don't fill up his lungs, and he distantly acknowledges 'Oh, I'm having a panic attack' 

But he keeps driving, even though his vision is a little fuzzy and black around the edges, and he feels like screaming, and no matter how many breaths he draws in he can't seem to oxygenate his blood. He keeps driving, because what else can he do?

He winds down a window as he drives, the freezing cold air rushing in doing little to calm his nerves or steady his breathing, in fact now it's coming in choked up gulps from the wind in his face. As he pulls into his street, his heart drops from his throat to his stomach as he sees Zack, alone, waiting for him by the curb.

His brother waves and it takes Tyler a second before he realises he should be waving back. He does, attempting a smile to match Zack's but it probably looks more pained than happy, because it is.

"Hey man are you okay?" Zack asks as he opens the passenger side door, slings his backpack into the back seat and clambers in beside Tyler. 

He can't really get out any words, all of them getting caught in his throat and tripping over one another, so he just nods, perhaps a little too enthusiastically.

"Yo, let's get out of here," Zack suggests immediately, as though he knows exactly what's wrong. "I could really go for some Taco Bell if you're up for it? On me," he smirks. 

Tyler is grateful for the subject change, for his brother not pressing the matter further, for the distraction being offered to him, and he clears his throat, thinking hard about his words before he speaks them. 

"Hey little brother," he manages with a weak smile, conscious of his voice cracking a little, and he takes another deep breath, this one actually filling his lungs. "That sounds totally great!"

Zack beams at him, slapping him on the back with a flat palm. "Sweet, let's go!"

The closest Taco Bell is only a ten minute drive from their childhood home, and they're pulling up at the drive thru in no time. After a hasty order through a speaker box, they're laden with brown paper bags filled with delicious smelling food, and Tyler parks up the car so they can eat. 

"So, I've got a girlfriend," Zack tells Tyler through a mouthful of burrito, and Tyler almost chokes on his own. 

"What?! When did this happen? Why didn't I know?!" he asks, scandalised. 

"Well, I wanted to tell you face to face," Zack explains. "Every time you've been home recently you've had big news, I guess I didn't wanna take away from that. We've been together a couple of months now."

Tyler can see the goofy smile on his brother's face that tells him he's utterly smitten, and he grins over at him. 

"That's frickin' awesome, lil' bro. What's her name? What's she like?" Tyler can feel the stress and worry leaving him as he relaxes into conversation with his brother, and he wonders what he had himself so worked up over. 

"Her name's Tatum. And she's amazing!" Zack gushes with a cheesy grin. "She's such a sweetheart. And the prettiest girl I've ever met! Mom even invited her round for Christmas last week!"

And there it is. Exactly what he had himself so worked up over. It's like a stab in the chest for Tyler, who was sent away just for being in a relationship, and yet Zack's is celebrated. Why doesn't Josh get an invitation for dinner? He's been around longer than a couple of months. Tyler is head-over-heels in love, why doesn't that matter?

Zack can see the hurt in his face and starts backtracking immediately. "I mean, it's no big deal or anything, mom just mentioned it in passing. She might not even come..."

"Hey, man, it's not your fault. I'm happy for you," Tyler tells him, trying to arrange his features into some kind of convincing smile but Zack still looks uncomfortable at his slip up. "Seriously, dude. That's awesome! I'm glad mom's being cool about it. I've gotta meet her soon," he tries. He really is happy for his brother, it's just so unfair. 

Tyler tries his hardest not to hold a grudge against his brother. Perfect, heterosexual Zack with his girlfriend and his basketball. There's no way he isn't the favourite now. As much as he's delighted his brother has found someone, he wishes with all his heart that the rest of his family could be happy that he found Josh. Maybe, if his mother knew everything he's done for Tyler, she'd change her mind, but she didn't even give Tyler a chance to try and explain what the relationship means to him. She just told him to leave...

Once their burritos are gone and the trash is thrown into the backseat, they hit the road again, the lack of music in the car nowhere near as threatening for Tyler now, with the distraction of his brother. 

They share stories of their semesters and what they've been up to while they've been apart, and it's as if they've been transported back to their young teenage years, nights of staying up late in their shared bedroom, talking all night long about nothing and everything all at once until their mother would come in to tell them off and shut off the lights, and then they'd only whisper to each other in the dark instead. 

After almost an hour, Tyler starts getting a little nervous. By the time they're pulling up outside the apartment building, his heart is pounding. This is the first time he's introducing Josh to any of his family members. In fact, it's the first time Tyler is introducing Josh to anybody from his life, bar Brendon. 

Not that he doesn't think it's going to go well, he's sure the two of them will get on like old friends, but it's still a little nerve wracking. It looks as though Zack is feeling the pressure too as he exits the car and circles around to join Tyler on the pavement. 

He claps Zack on the back with a smile, "You ready?" he asks, and Zack nods. 

"Heck yeah, let's go!" Zack calls with enthusiasm, and they jog up the front steps and into the building. 

As they step into the elevator, Tyler can see the signs of nervousness in his brother, his stiffened stance and darting eyes, and chuckles softly to himself. 

"You don't need to worry, Zack. Honestly, it's gonna be great," he grins, and Zack smiles back at him. 

"I'm just worried for you, man. I mean, if he doesn't pass the brother test you're gonna have to send him packing," Zack jokes, and Tyler laughs. 

"Kick him out of his own apartment? Brutal. You sound like Brendon," he giggles, and then the elevator door is sliding open, and he leads Zack out into the hallway. "Shoot!" he cries, rooting around in his pockets. "I forgot my key in my other jeans, just a sec."

Tyler can see Zack bracing himself a little as he reaches up to knock on the front door, and he wonders what his brother is expecting to find on the other side. A little surge of excitement runs through him as he hears the door unlock from the inside, and Tyler makes sure to keep his eyes trained on Zack the entire time, gauging his reaction. 

At the sight of Josh's messy bed-head, baggy tank top, ripped jeans and stretched ears, Zack visibly physically relaxes, a lazy smirk on his face. 

"You must be Zack, right?" Josh asks with a grin, holding out a hand, but Zack pulls him into a tight hug instead, beaming. 

"The one and only!" he chuckles, pulling away from the hug. "It's great to finally meet you!"

"Yeah, man! You too," Josh beams, stepping back from the doorway to let the brothers in. "I've heard a lot about you!"

"Only good things I hope," Zack counters with a grin. 

"Oh, the best, of course! You want some coffee or something?" Josh asks, turning in the hallway to face him. 

"Actually, yeah. That sounds great, thanks" Zack smiles, and he and Tyler follow Josh down the hall, into the kitchen

After some small talk and a quick raid of the cupboards, the three of them sit on the living room floor (Zack being just as excited about the blanket fort as Tyler had been), watching a horror movie on Josh's laptop, armed with coffees and chocolate. Together they laugh and joke, gently teasing one another, and their dynamic works as though they've all been hanging out together for years. Josh and Zack vibe with one another like old friends, and it's everything Tyler could have asked for and more. 

"Yeah, there was this one time when we were shooting baskets in the back yard, and I kept shooting them from twenty five feet away, and Tyler couldn't get it," Zack is telling a sniggering Josh. "He ended up crying. He was _thirteen_ , dude!"

The two of them burst out laughing, Josh's eyes creasing as tears gather in the corners. "Wow, thanks, Zack!" Tyler shouts, and he shoves his brother, but Josh and Zack only laugh harder at his outburst, and he crosses his arms across his chest with a pout. "Some brother," he huffs. 

"Aw, poor baby, c'mere," Josh grins, pulling Tyler into a hug and kissing him on the forehead. Tyler stiffens a little at the display of affection in front of his brother, but Zack doesn't bat an eyelid, still grinning. 

"Yeah he was always such a _baby_ any time I was better than him at something," he laughs, looking gleeful at Tyler's embarrassment. 

"Oh yeah? What about the time you pooped your pants on the field trip to the natural history museum?" Tyler counters, and now it's his and Josh's turn to laugh at Zack's expense. 

"Dude!" Zack cries, shoving Tyler just like Tyler had him. "They didn't give us a bathroom break that whole bus ride, it's not my fault!"

"He had to borrow these pants they had at lost and found in the museum and throw his basketball shorts away, it was hilarious," Tyler guffaws, and Zack glares at him. 

"At least I didn't cry! When a mans gotta poop, a mans gotta poop!" he shouts, and all three of them collapse in laughter, Josh wiping tears from his eyes. 

"Oh man, if I get more stories like this you _definitely_ get to see the home videos on Christmas," Josh chuckles, sighing, and Tyler's eyes light up. 

"What about the time we accidentally set the treehouse on fire and mom grounded us for a month? She had to call the fire department," Tyler offers, and Josh laughs again. 

"Oh my god, SO!" Zack starts, and Tyler settles back to listen to his brother's telling of their childhood memories, the grin on his face so huge his cheeks are starting to ache. 

**-**

"Tyler, we can't!" Josh hushes, batting Tyler's wandering hands away from the waistband of his boxers under the sheets. 

"Josshhiiee," comes Tyler's wining voice in the dark beside him. He knows exactly what effect that nickname has on Josh, and he uses it as a weapon. "I shared a room with Zack for years, he's a heavy sleeper!"

"Tyler," Josh tries, but it comes out as more of a moan as Tyler's hands trace across the front of his slowly tightening boxer-briefs. 

He feels Tyler's lips ghost across his ear, his soft breath tickling a little, as he whispers, "I want you, Joshie. Please."

Josh lets out a groan, his resolve dissolving, as he grabs Tyler by the back of his hair and mashes their lips together messily in the dark. "Fuck," he huffs out succinctly, and he can see the slightly crooked teeth of Tyler's huge grin in the moonlight. 

"Yes please," Tyler singsongs sweetly, then suddenly he whips the covers over his head, disappearing under them before Josh can object. 

He feels cold fingers snaking down his sides, over his crotch, across his thighs, and is overcome by a little shiver as goosebumps prickle across his skin. Lips are trailing a path along his abs, and he goes to lift the sheets up and watch Tyler work, but they're yanked down again before he can see anything. 

"S'warm in here," comes Tyler's muffled voice, and Josh chuckles softly, but it's cut off in a little gasp as his boxers are yanked down his legs all of a sudden, and then Tyler's cold hand is wrapping around him and squeezing tightly. 

"Fuuuuck, Ty," he groans out with a buck of his hips, and the same quiet little voice pipes up from under the covers. 

"Can we?" he asks quietly, and Josh chuckles again. 

"You think you can do it without waking Zack, never mind the neighbours?" he asks. 

"Good point," Tyler giggles, and then without warning he's plunging his head down, taking every inch of Josh into his mouth and gagging as he bottoms out. 

"Fuuuck, Ty!" Josh cries out again, and he hears a quiet hum of approval from Tyler as he starts working his head back and forth quickly, twisting from side to side and sucking to form a perfect vacuum. 

Josh reaches a hand under the sheets to bury it in Tyler's hair, guiding his head as he bucks his hips, and the chokes and gags coming from under the duvet drive him absolutely insane. 

"Fuck, you're so good. Fuck, you're so hot. Fuck, I love you," Josh is chanting under his breath, his eyes closing as he throws his head back into the pillows, and Tyler starts moaning in the back of this throat, sending vibrations though Josh's length that have him right on the edge in minutes. 

"Fuck, Ty, baby, you're gonna make me come," he groans out as he starts to feel a tightening in the pit of his stomach, and with a few more gags around the head of his cock, Josh is coming with a muffled shout of Tyler's name, hand covering his own mouth just in time. 

Bright red and panting, come still glistening on his lips, Tyler emerges moments later to clamber up the bed and crash their mouths together, tongues dancing and teeth biting, still making those gorgeous little moans in the back of this throat. 

"Kinky. Little. Slut." Josh smirks, punctuating each word with a kiss, and Tyler beams back at him. 

"All yours," he giggles, scrunching up his face, and he makes to settle himself into Josh's chest. 

"Not just yet," Josh tells him, pushing him back slightly. "Now it's your turn," he growls, yanking Tyler into the middle of the bed and making him squeal, then whipping the covers over his own head and shuffling down the mattress. 

**-**

The following afternoon, after a morning of cereal, coffee and TV shows in the fort, Josh, Tyler and Zack move into the bedroom to start working on music. Tyler is somewhat nervous about the three of them working together, he knows his brother has shown some interest in music himself in the past, but they've never played or sung together, and he isn't entirely sure what to expect. 

He had given Zack a brief and vague idea of what the song he had in mind was about, but they haven't discussed anything in depth, and he isn't entirely sure where to start. 

He watches as Josh takes a seat behind his drums and takes up his sticks, settling in behind the piano himself, and then turns to Zack. "Okay, so there's a whole verse that I thought maybe you could do, Zack?" he starts, fiddling with the sleeve of his hoody. "We could try and figure out some lyrics first, then try and run through it?"

"Oh, I've already got 'em worked out," Zack grins at him. "I just need to hear the song to see if it fits."

"We'll make it fit!" Tyler grins back, overwhelmed at the fact that his brother has put so much thought into this. "Can I hear what you've got?"

Zack's face whitens a little and he gulps, glancing over at Josh, but then he nods. "Yeah, of course!"

Tyler expects his brother to produce a slip of paper with some words scribbled onto it, or perhaps a basic outline of what he wants to say. What he doesn't expect is for his little brother to recite a verse by rote, rapping faster than Tyler could ever dream to; words that flow beautifully, each rolling into the next as Zack details fears and insecurities effortlessly, his rhymes seamless and his timing impeccable. 

They sit in silence for a few beats, Tyler gaping at Zack, incredulous, before the quiet is broken by Josh murmuring, "Wow."

Shaken from his stupor, Tyler jumps up and crosses over to Zack, pulling him into a tight hug. "That was freaking incredible, I love it, we're gonna make it fit," he beams, and Zack looks relieved as he smiles back. "Seriously. Incredible."

"Thanks, man," Zack smiles back. "So lemme hear the rest!"

"Okay, we'll need to work out some kinks," he looks over to Josh, "and you gotta figure out drums," he smiles as Josh nods. "But this is what I've got so far," he utters, and then his hands take up their place on they keys as he starts to play the song he started writing in class, what feels like so long ago. 

*****

At precisely seven thirty, on the dot, there's a knock on the apartment door, startling the three of them as they sit on the living room couch, the coffee table heavily laden with the mountain of snacks Tyler and Josh bought two days prior. Tyler jumps up from the couch to answer the door, Josh standing to follow, and they leave Zack sitting on the couch alone momentarily. 

"We'll be right back," Tyler smiles to his brother, then he and Josh make their way down the hall. 

As Tyler pulls back the door, he sees a nervous looking Brendon, and a rather grumpy Ryan, standing waiting for him. Josh audibly sighs beside him, making Brendon grimace, and Ryan simply glares at the two of them. 

"Uhhh, hey guys," Brendon smiles meekly, giving a sheepish wave.

"Hey dude, c'mon in," Tyler giggles, stepping out of the way to let the two through, however Brendon looks reluctant to enter. "Right," Tyler states suddenly, and all eyes turn to him. "This is supposed to be a fun night with friends, no animosity allowed. So if you guys have anything to say to each other, get it out now. Otherwise, play nice."

"Um, happy housewarming?" Brendon tries, reaching into his pocket and withdrawing a bag of weed containing two buds the size of fists. He offers it to Josh, who takes it with a grin. 

"Breennndoon!" Josh drawls, suddenly grabbing him and pulling him into a hug. "Ol' buddy, ol' pal! How are ya?"

Brendon lets out a nervous giggle, pulling back from the hug. "Yeah, man, I'm good. Remind me in future to just buy you some weed if I fuck up again."

"If you fuck up again, I'm definitely buying a gun," Josh winks at him, turning on his heel and leaving for the living room, and Ryan's expression hardens even further. 

Tyler giggles as Brendon shuffles from foot to foot awkwardly. "C'mon, Zack's here!" Tyler encourages, ushering Ryan through the door and closing it behind him. 

"Oh, sweet! Did you talk to your mom, then?" Brendon smiles, but it falters when he sees the look on Tyler's face. 

"He was waiting in the driveway for me on his own," Tyler says quietly, eyes flickering down to his feet. 

"Bitch," Brendon mutters under his breath, and Tyler frowns but doesn't contest it; he just doesn't have the energy. 

He leads Brendon and Ryan down the hall and through to the living room, where Brendon whoops and drags Zack off the couch by the hands for a hug. "Good to see ya, man!" he cheers as he claps Zack on the back. "Now! I propose that Josh puts his housewarming gift to good use and we all get stoned!"

Josh snorts at Brendon's usual, presumptive nature, but he crosses the room to the coffee table nonetheless, pulling out the long, black plate that holds all of his rolling equipment. Brendon throws himself down on the couch next to Zack, patting the space beside him for Ryan to take a seat, and Tyler sits cross-legged on the floor. 

He listens as Brendon and Zack talk about school and basketball, music and albums, catching up on the past few months, while Ryan huffs on the couch next to them. As he glances over, Tyler quirks an eyebrow at him, but Ryan only scowls and looks away. 'What's his problem?' Tyler thinks to himself, bemused as Ryan lets out a small sigh, looking as though he would rather be anywhere else in the world right now. 

Before long, Josh is standing up and clearing away the debris from rolling. "Let's all go hotbox the fort!" he suggests, and Brendon claps his hands together as he gets to his feet. 

"A marvellous idea!" he drawls, sauntering over to the sheets masking the entrance of the blanket fort.

"What's hotboxing?" Tyler asks, and Josh smirks at him. 

"You're gonna get fucked up, T-bag!" Brendon calls out, already inside the hut, and the rest follow him through the sheets. 

It makes for a cramped seating arrangement, the five of them squeezing in, everybody's legs touching as they gather in a circle, cross-legged, on the padded floor. Josh sits with a hand on Tyler's thigh as he sparks up the joint between his lips, Ryan and Brendon opposite them, and Zack in between. 

"Two-draw pass," Josh announces as he pulls the joint from his mouth with a puff of smoke. "Take two draws, pass it on."

There are nods around the circle as Josh takes a second, long drag on the spliff and passes it to Tyler. He's thankful he doesn't choke as he takes his first draw in a while now, the heat of the smoke burning his throat and warming his lungs as he inhales. He purses his lips to send a thin ribbon of smoke into the centre of the fort, then takes his second pull on the joint. 

"Hey, little brother, is this gonna be your first smoke?" Tyler asks with a lazy grin, turning to Zack, who smiles back at him. 

"Are you kidding man? Of course I've smoked before," Zack guffaws, taking the joint from Tyler's hand and pulling a long draw from it like a seasoned stoner. On the exhale, he sends a row of tiny smoke rings into the middle of the fort, and he laughs out a cloud of smoke at the look on Tyler's face.

"Where did you learn that?!" Tyler asks, amazed, and Zack takes a second draw then passes the cone on to Brendon. 

"I know a guy," is all Zack replies with, and Tyler hears Josh laughing behind him. 

Before Tyler can reply, both kittens come padding into the fort with a meow, stopping to rub against Josh's knees. 

"Aw! Who's this?" Zack asks with a smile, extending a hand and rubbing his fingers together in an attempt to attract a cat his way. 

"This is Dana," Tyler pets Josh's patchy tabby on the top of the head as he purrs loudly. "And that's Fox," he motions towards the snow white cat still rubbing the length of his body against Josh's leg.

Zack grins over at Josh "Mulder and Scully?" he asks, and Josh beams at him.

"Yup!" He grins, popping the 'p'. 

"Oh my God, how did I never make that connection?!" Tyler exclaims, staring at the cats in disbelief. "I should have known. Trust _you_ to name your cats after fictional FBI agents," he sniggers. 

"My guys are alien hunters," Josh shrugs with a smirk as the joint makes its way back to him and he takes another draw. 

Just as the joint is passed to Tyler, there's another knock on the door. Tyler takes the joint and Josh with him as he gets up and heads to the door. Upon pulling it back, he sees Hayley standing on the doorstep with freshly dyed, flame red hair.

"Well one of us is going to have to change!" she cackles when she sees Josh's matching hair, and he chuckles as he takes a step forward to pull Hayley into a squeezing hug. "Happy housewarming!" she cheers, giving them both hugs and cheek kisses. "I'm so happy for you guys."

She hands Tyler a huge Yankee candle with a cheeky smile. "Aw, thanks, Hales," he smiles back, but she shakes her head. 

"No, look at it!" she insists, and Tyler holds it up to inspect a hand written label. She's taped " **SEX CANDLE** " written in sharpie on paper to the front, and he bursts out laughing and hugs her again. 

"Yeah, that'll come in real handy, thanks," he giggles, handing her the joint which she takes happily, and leading her into the living room as Josh follows behind them.

"Aw man, what?!" she pouts as she sees the 'no girls allowed' sign taped to the front of the fort. 

"Oh! Don't be silly, you don't count," Tyler laughs.

"Uhh, I'm just gonna pretend that's a compliment," she giggles as Tyler holds back the sheets and lets her inside, where she sits on Josh's knee for lack of floor space. 

Tyler briefly introduces Hayley to Zack, and friendly conversation resumes between everyone but Ryan as the joint gets passed around again. Tyler has been keeping an eye on him since clocking his grumpy expression at the front door, and he hasn't seen him smile once. Brendon is mirroring Josh and Tyler, with a hand on Ryan's thigh, but he still looks unhappy. 

Not long after Hayley's arrival, there's a third knock at the door. "That'll be Mark and Jenna," Josh tells Tyler as he looks up from the conversation. "Don't worry, I'll get it."

A debate is going on as to whether or not Die Hard is a Christmas movie, Zack and Brendon heatedly battling with one another on opposite sides of the argument. Ryan hasn't spoken a word since Hayley arrived, and Tyler can't help but notice the glare in his eyes any time they make eye contact. 

"Hey, Ryan, can I talk to you in the kitchen for a second?" he asks, interrupting Brendon's rebuttal. 

Ryan blanches a little, but nods and gets to his feet as Tyler leads him out of the room. 

"Hi Mark, hi Jenna!" Tyler calls down the hall as they pass through, receiving greetings in return as Josh lets them in the door. 

He brings Ryan into the kitchen, closing the door behind him, then rounds on him. All the anger from his face is gone, replaced with something between fear and sadness. 

"What's up, Ryan?" Tyler asks in a calm voice. 

"What do you mean?" Ryan asks, playing dumb. 

"You know what I'm talking about, Ry," Tyler responds. "Listen, I'm sorry that Brendon has done shitty things. But look, I played no part in the kissing. Nor in the punching. That's their fight, not ours. Please don't be mad at me, man, I'm your fren!"

Ryan's face crumples, and he looks on the verge of tears. "I'm sorry," he whimpers, pulling on the hem of his t-shirt. "I'm just so stressed out, with trying to write songs, and band arguments over petty stuff and all of us being separated. And Brendon always being such a jerk..."

"Tell me about it!" Tyler cuts in with a smirk. 

"I'm sorry. I know it's not your fault, and I don't blame Josh. I just... It's hard," Ryan trails off, and Tyler pats his shoulder sympathetically. 

"I know, buddy. It's okay. And I know Brendon can be... difficult. But he's honestly a good guy, and he's trying to be better, he really is."

Ryan gives a sad little nod, looking down at his feet, and Tyler steps over to give him a tight, squeezing hug, smiling as he feels arms cautiously encircling his waist. 

"Are we good?" Tyler asks, and Ryan nods again. "Okay, good! Let's head back in."

**-**

Josh sits back on the couch, chuckling, as he overlooks a game of Twister being played on the living room floor. Brendon and Zack sit next to him on the couch while Mark is slumped in the arm chair beside it, all three of them eliminated. They watch as he spins the arrow to give Tyler his next order.

"Right foot red!" he calls out once the spinner has landed, and Tyler lets out a groan as he manoeuvres himself around, slipping a foot between Ryan's hands on the red spaces either side. 

Jenna and Hayley are giggling, tangled around one another in the middle of the mat and Ryan is swaying dangerously beside them. 

"Okay, my go, quick quick quick!" Ryan calls out as he wobbles, and Josh laughs again, giving the board another spin. 

"Get it, Ryan!" Brendon cries out, then he turns to Josh with a smirk. "Y'know, Ryan's more flexible than I realised," he mutters over to him, and Josh bursts out laughing. 

"Let's test that," he whispers back, turning the arrow with his finger until it reaches green, the colour furthest from him. 

"Left hand green!" he calls out giddily. 

"There is no God," Ryan quips, taking a deep breath and then, as quickly as he can, slapping a hand across the mat, his fingers just reaching the green dot as his legs cross one another. "Hurry!" he calls out, wobbling again. 

With a grin, Josh lazily reaches for the board and gives it a firm spin, seconds ticking by as it whirls around. 

"Jerk!" Ryan cries out, and there are giggles from everyone else. 

"Okay, Jenna, right hand red!" Josh shouts, and she easily moves a hand over to rest beside Tyler's foot, their faces only inches away. 

"Hiya," she beams at him, and he laughs. 

"How ya doin'?" Tyler smiles back.

Just then, there's a cry of, "Fuck!" as Ryan loses his footing and hits the ground hard with an, "Oof!"

Brendon is up like a shot, laughing as he hauls Ryan to his feet and dusts him off. "A valiant effort!" he cheers, holding Ryan's hand in the air. 

Tyler is the next to be eliminated, falling over during his attempt at a 'left foot green', and Josh pulls him into his lap, Zack, Brendon and Ryan squeezed onto the couch next to them, to watch the game between Jenna and Hayley unfold. 

Another fifteen minutes go by with the girls performing like two gymnasts, easily stretching across the mat around one another and never one losing their footing. Eventually, with a sigh, Tyler suggests a compromise. 

"Okay, how about we all just agree that you've both got spaghetti bodies and call it a tie?" he suggests, and they girls giggle. 

"I'm game," Jenna agrees from a crab walk position on the floor.

"Sounds good to me!" Hayley chimes in, from more of a downward dog pose. 

Josh declares them both winners to enthusiastic applause, and then realises, with a start, that it's already gone one in the morning. The others are suitably shocked by his realisation, both girls overcome with a bout of yawning simply from learning the time. 

Brendon and Ryan decide to call it a night, calling out their good nights and goodbyes and sharing hugs, Brendon and Josh even embracing before they leave. 

"Hey, Hayley, any chance you'd leave Jenna home? She's not far from here. It's just, Tyler and I wanted a chance to talk to Mark about some stuff," Josh asks, and Hayley grins. 

"Of course! I'd love to," she smiles to Jenna, holding out a hand for the other girl to take. 

Another round of cuddles, good nights, and goodbyes, and it's just Tyler, Josh, Zack and Mark. Josh heads to the kitchen to fix four coffees and they gather in the living room again, Zack in the arm chair and the other three on the couch. 

**-**

The boys stay up through the early hours of the morning, just talking. They discuss shows, how to find them, where to look, moving their gear, and Tyler and Josh agree that they will play for five people as though they're playing for 5,000 people. Mark discusses the financial side of things, about how he knows a fantastic photographer from Columbus, about lights guys and sound technicians, Zack even joins in with the conversation, listening to everything that's said. 

Tyler just happens to mention that one of the songs he posted online, one with Josh's drums, has over two thousand listens now, and Mark gets excited. 

"That's amazing!" he cheers. "That's with no live shows, no promo, nothing! That's the start of a fanbase, and that's literally just people finding and liking your music!"

Just like that, Mark manages to turn Tyler's fears into excitement quite easily throughout the conversation, and Tyler decides that he'll be a great friend to have around for live shows. 

"We need to start thinking about making videos for you guys. People will go crazy for that, moreso than over just the audio. I'll set you guys up a YouTube channel," Mark grins. 

"We should have a logo, though. Or a way we write our name, or _something_. Something you can just look at and go, 'Oh, that's twenty one pilots!'" Tyler suggests. "No capital letters, though," he adds. 

After a quick search for pens, they're all sketching things on paper as Zack looks on, getting sleepy and yawning, but still offering suggestions and critiquing their art. Tyler goes through sheets and sheets of printer paper, sketching and scribbling, trying over and over, until a sort of half-slanted 'H' comes out, three separate lines all going a different way, but all three intersected, and Tyler loves it. 

"This is it. This is the representation of what we are," he declares with a triumphant smile, and Mark laughs a little, until he sees Tyler is serious. 

"What is it? What does it mean?" he asks, and Tyler smirks. 

"That's just it. It's something to get people talking, you know? Opening up a conversation about it, people deciding what they think it means, people filling it up with their own purpose, that's much more important than what it means to me. It's a kitchen sink," he says matter-of-factly. Zack grins at this, but Mark only looks more confused. "Just trust me dude. This is it, that's twenty one pilots."

"I've learned not to question his genius," Josh stage whispers to Mark. "Just accept it. It's a kitchen sink," he winks, and Tyler giggles. 

"Okay. That's twenty one pilots. It's a Kitchen Sink. Cool! On that note, I definitely need to get some sleep before my brain melts. I had a really great night, you guys! I'm out of the store in a week, so we can hang out and talk more about this stuff soon, yeah?"

"Yeah!" Tyler agrees immediately with a smile, standing up to see him out. "I'm glad you came, Mark. It's nice to, like, actually properly meet you. Thanks for always being so cool about me distracting Josh," he smiles sweetly. 

"Don't mention it! I don't give a fuck about that place. You coulda been stealing records for all I care," Mark laughs, pulling on his jacket. 

"Well, Josh _was_ giving me employee discount," he giggles. 

"Hey, Josh, you're fired!" Mark calls out into the hallway. 

"Sweet!" Josh yells back on his way kitchen with a handful of coffee mugs. 

Laughing, Tyler walks Mark to the door, pausing to say goodbye. "Thanks for everything you're doing for us, Mark. Really. I appreciate it," he smiles, and Mark beams back. 

"Hey, what're friends for? Besides, I just know you guys are gonna make it big," he smirks. 

"Thanks, man," Tyler giggles, looking down at his hands. 

"Oh, no, I mean I'm in it for the money. As soon as you guys are earning I'm taking, like, a 60/40 cut," he winks, and Tyler laughs. "Have a good night, man. Sleep well. And don't quit sending emails, got it?"

"Got it," Tyler agrees, giving Mark a quick hug, then he and Josh yell their goodbyes to one another through the house, and he's gone. 

Tyler heads back to the living room where Zack is almost asleep where he sits on the couch. "Hey, wake up sleepyhead," Tyler smiles, shaking his brother gently by the shoulder. "C'mon, we'll get you a pillow and a blanket for the couch," he encourages, helping Zack to his feet. 

"Mmph, can I sleep in the fort tonight?" Zack mumbles, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand, and Tyler giggles. 

"Of course you can, little brother. You want the fairy lights in there left on?" he asks as Zack drops to his knees and crawls into the fort, grabbing a blanket off the floor and huddling up amongst the cushions. 

"Yes please," he yawns, and Tyler giggles to himself as he flicks off all the lights but the string lights inside the fort, calling a quiet goodnight to his brother from the doorway and closing the living room door behind him. 

He crosses the hall and heads into the kitchen, where Josh is still standing at the sink, washing up. Tyler slinks up behind him, feeling Josh jump in shock as he snakes his arms around his waist to squeeze him tightly. 

"I love you so much, Jishwa. I had the best night. Thank you," he gushes, pecking kisses across the nape of his neck, until Josh shuts off the water and dries his hands off on a dishcloth, then turns in his arms. 

"I love you too, Ty. Fuck, I love you so much," he growls, wrapping his arms around Tyler's waist and picking him up off his feet briefly. "I'm so glad you're here. You don't have to thank me, it's my pleasure."

"Zack's gone to sleep in the fort," Tyler giggles, pressing a soft kiss to Josh's bottom lip. "C'mon, let's go to bed."

"Okay, baby boy," Josh agrees, turning Tyler around but keeping his arms wrapped around his waist, walking behind him with wide footsteps and flicking out the kitchen light as they plod down the hall towards the bedroom. 

Once they're in the room, Josh leads Tyler to the bed and pushes him onto it, chuckling as Tyler lets himself collapse, face first, into the mattress. "I only just realised how God damn exhausted I am," he sighs, curling up right in the middle of the mattress. "G'night," he purrs. 

"Move over, princess," Josh chuckles, shutting off the bedroom lights and then making his way back over to the bed, gently pushing Tyler across to his side of the mattress and then slinking in between the sheets beside him. 

At that, Tyler scrambles to get under the sheets next to Josh, both of them awkwardly shuffling about and throwing articles of clothing out of the bed until they're stripped to their underwear and tangled around one another in a cuddle, legs intertwined and arms surrounding one another, Tyler's head tucked under Josh's neck and resting on his chest. 

"I love you so much, Joshie-bear," Tyler smiles sleepily, and Josh leans down to peck a kiss to the crown of his head. 

"I love you too, Tyger, now go to sleep," he chuckles, and Tyler giggles at the nickname. 

Filled with the warmth that Josh is constantly radiating, strong arms wrapped around him, Josh's unique scent flooding his nostrils and intoxicating him, Tyler lets out a contented sigh and allows the sleep creeping into the cracks of his brain to take over, his eyes falling closed as his breathing levels out, and his dreams take him away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would really, really love to hear from you guys, if you wanted to talk to me. I need frens right now ❤️
> 
> Tumblr: http://trashler.tumblr.com  
> Twitter: @rumerpriestly  
> YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/rumerpriestly
> 
> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it.


	47. Inviting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, best frens ❤️  
> I just want to thank you all from the very bottom of my heart for the incredible, overwhelming support so many of you showed me after I opened up in the last pre-chapter note. You are amazing, wonderful, sweet, kind people and, I'm not exaggerating or just saying this, I don't know where I would be without you. 
> 
> I'm still in that same, dark place, but I'm trying, I promise. I am sorry to those who feel like this has gone on for too long, or that it's lost it's way, but for those of you who are still with me; thank you so much. You mean the world to me ❤️
> 
> I hope you enjoy it, and I promise I'll keep going.

The next morning, Tyler and Zack have an uneventful journey back to Columbus, both of them too sleepy to hold much of a conversation, the mid-morning sun streaming in through the windscreen. As Tyler pulls up at the driveway of their childhood home, he isn't surprised to find it devoid of his mother, he wasn't holding out much hope to have her waiting for him this time around. 

"It was great to see you, little brother," Tyler sighs as he shuts off the engine. 

"Yeah, you too, man," Zack smiles, leaning over the centre console to give Tyler a tight hug. "Thanks for inviting me, last night was awesome! And Josh gets two thumbs up," he winks. 

"Wow, two?! He'll be so pleased. I'm glad I don't have to kick him out of his own house," Tyler grins, and Zack chuckles. 

"Look, man," Zack starts, suddenly looking serious. "Are you sure you don't want me to talk to mom? I mean-"

"No, Zack," Tyler cuts him off. "Thank you, seriously, I appreciate it. But she's gotta deal with this in her own time. She'll talk to me when she wants to." He sees the pained look on his brother's face. "I'm okay, I promise. It's gonna be okay."

"Alright, if you're sure. How are you so calm about this?" Zack asks, looking awed. 

Tyler just shrugs. "I dunno. Josh, I guess."

Zack grins at this. "If I had three hands, he'd be getting a third thumbs up," he smiles, grabbing his bag. "Alright, I'll see you soon, yeah?"

"Yeah, I'll let you know about any shows," Tyler smiles back, hugging Zack a final time and then starting the engine back up, shivering a little at the gust of cold air that blows into the car as his brother opens the passenger side door. 

Zack stands at the bottom of the driveway, waving Tyler off until he drives around the corner and loses sight of him in the rear view mirror. As soon as he's alone, the absence of his car radio hits him, and hard. As much as his words to his brother were calm, his mind is racing. 

He knows Josh is right in everything he has said about the situation, he knows that what he said to Zack was true, but he can't quiet that irking voice in his head. 'She'll never talk to you again. She hates you. You are disgusting. Your family despises you. If you lose Josh, you've got absolutely no one.'

This is the music Tyler must listen to as he makes his journey back home, the drive lasting an hour and some change. He tries drowning out the voice by forcing himself to think of all the wonderful things he has to be happy about. He lives with Josh, he's madly in love, he's in a band, they're trying to get shows. 

Tyler is doing what he wants to be doing with his life. He feels closer now than he ever has done to who, and where, he wants to be. If being himself means his mother won't accept him, it is better to be hated for who he is than loved for who he is not. 

He tries his best to keep his thoughts set on the future, of the potential he and Josh have before them. If he throws himself entirely into their music, at least he can say he gave it his all. If his mother hates him for who he loves and what he wants to do with his life, at least he can say he was authentically himself. 

As he pulls up outside the apartment building in the early afternoon, Tyler feels a little more at peace with his current prospects than he had done pulling away from his family home. His words, repeated by Josh, have been echoing in his head for the past while, 'Take the pain, ignite it', and loose lyrics are bouncing around inside his skull. 

He races up the stairs, too impatient to wait for the elevator, and arrives at the door, huffing and puffing from the physical exertion as he unlocks it and thunders into the bedroom. Grabbing his notebook and a pen, he charges into the living room, where Josh sits on the couch, game controller in hand and game paused on the TV screen. 

"Hey! How was your drive? Is everything okay?" Josh asks, concern marring his features. 

"Shh!" Tyler hushes, throwing his pad and pen on the coffee table, cleared of the debris from the night before. He flops down on the floor, hunched over his notebook, and begins to scribble out the lyrics that have been forming in his mind. 

Josh doesn't return to his game, silently watching as Tyler works. He crosses out sections to rewrite them, trying to work out a flow and music to accompany his words. After around half an hour, Josh sitting in silence the whole time, Tyler finally throws his pen down on the table, grabbing his book up off it. 

"Bedroom?" Tyler asks Josh, who nods, jumping up from the couch and throwing his controller down on his seat. 

Tyler spends around five minutes behind his piano, playing with different chords and melodies, until he has something he can work with, then he turns to Josh. 

"We'll have to work on it, this is only rough so it won't be great-"

Josh cuts him off. "You always do this, Ty! You undersell yourself, and then it always turns out to be amazing! Believe in it."

Tyler smiles at him, then lets out a gentle sigh through his nose as his fingers take their place back on the keys. The melody is slow, soft, and simple. Tyler has his words memorised, and they come out more as a story than as sets of rhyming lyrics. He speaks them in just the right way for the music to accompany his lines as he starts off. 

" _I ponder of something great, my lungs will fill and then deflate; they fill with fire, exhale desire, I know it's dire, my time today. I have these thoughts so often I ought to replace that slot with what I once bought, 'cause somebody stole my car radio and now I just sit in silence._

" _Sometimes, quiet is violent. I find it hard to hide it, my pride is no longer inside, it's on my sleeve, my skin will scream, reminding me of who I killed inside my dream. I hate this car that I'm driving, there's no hiding for me. I'm forced to deal with what I feel, there is no distraction to mask what is real._

" _I could pull the steering wheel._

" _I have these thoughts so often I ought to replace that slot with what I once bought, 'cause somebody stole my car radio and now I just sit in silence_."

Josh doesn't even wait for a full play through before he starts on his drums, having picked up the rhythm just from a few verses. His beat is pounding, Tyler playing louder to match him. Filled with adrenaline, and inspired by Zack's incredibly fast rapping a couple of nights prior, Tyler recites his next verse quicker, confidence building, not stumbling over a single word. He gives Josh a little nod, and he holds off, gently tapping his hi-hat as Tyler goes on. 

" _I ponder of something terrifying, 'cause this time there's no sound to hide behind. I find over the course of our human existence, one thing consists of consistence, and it's that we're all battling fear. Oh dear, I don't know if we know why we're here. Oh my, too deep, please stop thinking, I liked it better when my car had sound_."

Josh picks up his rhythm again, beating the crap out of his drums, and Tyler feels every hit deep in his chest. 

" _There are things we can do, but from the things that work there are only two, and from the two that we choose to do, peace will win, and fear will lose. There's faith, and there's sleep. We need to pick one please, because faith is to be awake, and to be awake is for us to think, and for us to think is to be alive, and I will try with every rhyme to come across like I am dying to let you know you need to try to think._

" _I have these thoughts so often I ought to replace that slot with what I once bought, 'cause somebody stole my car radio and now I just sit in silence_."

The two of them play together, as loud and as hard as they can, Tyler getting lost in the music, his body jerking as he hits the keys. He holds off as Josh starts tapping out a buildup on his drums, and as it gradually builds into a crescendo, Tyler joins in just at the right time to pound his hands down on the keys, completely letting go as Josh does the same. He repeats his last seven words, "And now I just sit in silence," until they slowly bring it back down, and he finishes with the last verse, which is the first repeated. 

" _I ponder of something great, my lungs will fill and then deflate; they fill with fire, exhale desire, I know it's dire, my time today. I have these thoughts so often I ought to replace that slot with what I once bought, 'cause somebody stole my car radio and now I just sit in silence_."

Right when the sibilance of his final word ends, Tyler takes his fingers off the keys, just as Josh stops playing his drums, all of it cutting off at once. The two of them sit in silence for a moment, out of breath from the effort of playing. 

"Holy shit," Josh huffs finally. "We're recording that right now. That was sick as _frick_. I didn't know you could rap like that!"

"Thanks," Tyler smiles over at him. "Zack made me think about trying to get faster when I talk. I think I have one for the end of 'Anathema' as well. Just thoughts I had on the way back."

"I can't wait to hear it," Josh beams. "Seriously. It's so good. I don't know how you do it."

"It wouldn't have sounded half as good without Jish on the drums," Tyler smiles. "But I wanna try and add something electronic to it. Just to give it that... something, I dunno."

"Yes! I love it, let's go," Josh grins, standing up from his kit and crossing to his bed to grab his laptop. "And you've gotta send emails later, don't forget," he winks. 

*****

That evening the two of them are lazing in the fort, Josh's laptop playing old episodes of Friends from the floor, while Tyler struggles over the wording of emails to send to club promoters. 

"I hate the whole begging aspect of it," Tyler complains as he huffs out a sigh, leaning back from his laptop. "Have we heard back from anyone you emailed?"

"I sent forty seven, I got one reply and it was a no. Most of 'em just ignored me," Josh grumbles. 

"How rude! They could at least-" Tyler is cut off in mid-sentence by the sound of his phone ringing from his pocket. "One sec," he tells Josh, pulling it out and glancing at the screen. 

Tyler freezes once he sees the caller ID, his face falling. "Ty, is everything okay?" Josh asks, Tyler still just staring at his phone. 

"It's my mom," he utters softly. 

"Oh, shit. Answer it!" Josh cries, lunging across the floor to close his laptop and give Tyler some quiet for the call. 

Shaking, Tyler presses the green button and tentatively holds the phone up to his ear. "H-hello?" he stammers into the receiver. 

"Tyler!" his mother's sweet voice fills his ears like honey, as though they'd spoken yesterday. "How are you? I expected to see you when you were here with Zack, you didn't even come into the house!"

Tyler sits, stunned and speechless, for a moment, at a loss for words. "The last time I was in the house you told me to leave," he mutters eventually. 

He hears her let out a long, sad sigh. The silence stretches on a little longer, Tyler's insides squirming uncomfortably. 

"I'm so sorry Tyler," his mother finally says. "I was so shocked. I didn't know what to do. I know I handled it terribly, and I'm so sorry." At that, she bursts into tears; big, shaking sobs that have her breathing in short, sharp gasps. "I love you, Tyler," she cries. "No matter what. I'm your mother and I love you, and I'm so, so sorry I didn't show you that."

Tyler can feel tears prickling at his own eyes too, stinging as they threaten to spill over his lids. "I love you too mom. It's okay I forgive you," he chokes out, and Josh's hand grips his thigh tightly. 

"It's not okay. And I'm going to make it up to you," she insists, sniffling but sounding sincere and determined. "Are you coming home for Christmas?"

"Uhh, I didn't think you wanted to speak to me," Tyler mumbles, pausing awkwardly, then adding quietly, "I've been invited to go to Josh's."

"Oh that sounds wonderful! I have to meet him some time soon," she bubbles, and Tyler's heart stops with her words.

He lets out a laugh of disbelief, tears finally spilling over his cheeks and Josh's hand still gripping his thigh. "Really?" he asks in a shaky voice. None of this feels real. He almost pinches himself to ensure he's awake. 

"Yes, really!" his mother laughs, sniffing a little. "You should bring him over while we're all on break, everyone would love to meet him," she assures him. 

"Does dad know?" Tyler gulps, and his mother sighs. 

"I'm sorry, Tyler. I know it wasn't my place to tell him, I just," her voice breaks and she takes a deep breath. "I just didn't know how to handle it. It was actually your father who helped me see sense." 

Tyler's heart swells fit to bursting as she speaks. His father had been the family member he was most terrified to tell, and he swallows hard as his mother goes on. 

"He dealt with it all much more graciously than I did. Oh, I wish I could do it over again, Tyler, I really do. I'm so sorry-"

"Mom, you can stop apologising, I _forgive_ you!" he enthuses, looking at Josh with a little smile. "I'd love for you guys to meet him, that would be so great."

Josh beams at him, eyebrows raised high as he lets out a little laugh of disbelief himself with the news. 

"And I've been in touch with Ohio University, your course has been cancelled, we even got the money back for your last semester! But," she pauses a little, taking a deep breath. "I'm about to go all mom on you, brace yourself," she teases, and Tyler giggles. 

"I _do_ hope you know what you're doing, Tyler. Your father and I just want to see you doing well, we want a great future for you! I just worry that maybe you should have a backup plan, you know?" she sounds concerned, and Tyler sighs. 

"This is all I want, mom. I want to throw myself into this entirely, working on a backup plan would take away from giving this my all. I wanna give it a real go, I really think we can do this. I think we can make it," he feels Josh squeezing his thigh, and he smiles. 

His mother sighs long and hard, "Okay. It's your life, honey, and I can't make your decisions for you. I'll support you no matter what," Tyler grins at this, still feeling as though he's in a dream. "You'll get rich and famous and you can put me up in a mansion when I get all old and wrinkled," she laughs. 

"I promise, momma," Tyler grins. "You'll be famous just for giving birth to me," he giggles again, and she laughs with him. 

"Alright, look, I'll let you get back to your evening," she starts, then stops herself. "Oh! I hear you and Josh are living together?"

Tyler blushes a little, swallowing hard. Zack must have let her know. "Uhh, yeah. Just last week," he tells her tentatively. 

"That's wonderful, sweetheart," his mother replies, sounding utterly delighted. "I'm so happy for you," Tyler feels another tear roll down his cheek. "I was wondering where you were staying if you weren't in your dorm! I'm glad you're safe. Now you let me know about coming down before the holidays are over, okay?"

"I promise, momma," Tyler says again, his cheeks aching from grinning. 

"Alright, I'll talk to you soon, honey. I love you," she gushes. 

"I love you too, mom," Tyler beams, noting that his hands have been shaking this whole time. 

"Bye bye," his mother says finally, hanging up. 

Tyler just sits there, too dazed to move, until he has the wind knocked out of him by Josh tackling him to the floor from the side, gripping him tightly and squeezing what remains of the air in his lungs out. 

"Oh my God, Tyler!" he cries, chuckling, and Tyler takes a gasping breath, letting it out in a giggle. 

"Oh my God, Josh!" he echoes, cheeks still hurting from smiling so long. He rolls around onto his back in Josh's arms, staring up at the fairy lights on the blanket ceiling. "You were right. Everything you said, you were right about it all."

Josh presses a kiss to his forehead, smiling. "She's your mom, Ty. She loves you," he says simply, laying down on his back beside him. "So I'm gonna meet your family?" he asks with a grin. 

Tyler's stomach does a flip at his words, his heart racing as the words suddenly hit him as true. He's still not certain that he's awake, that any of this has really happened. 

"You're gonna meet my family," Tyler confirms, laughing breathily, and Josh rolls around to squeeze him again, kissing his cheeks. 

"I cannot wait, Tyler. But first, you gotta send summore emails," he laughs, and Tyler sighs. 

"Fiiiiine," he smiles, his heart still racing. Suddenly it seems as though he doesn't have a single problem, not a care nor a worry, in the whole world. 

*****

For the first time in over a week, Tyler gets a great night's sleep. He isn't disturbed by fears or nightmares, doesn't wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. In fact he sleeps until late morning, when Josh suddenly jolts him awake. 

"Tyler, baby, wake up!" he hushes, shaking Tyler gently by the shoulder. 

"Mmph?" Tyler grumbles, eyes bleary with sleep. "Whassup?" he asks thickly. 

"We got a show!" Josh cheers, much too loud for Tyler's slowly adjusting ears. It takes a moment for Josh's exclamation to sink in, and then he shoots up in bed. 

"Wait, what?!"

"There's a local band night on in Columbus, this bar called Andyman's Treehouse. There's a silver maple growing through the stage," Josh grins at him, and Tyler almost squeals, bouncing up and down on the mattress. 

"Oh my God, I love it! Can I climb the tree?" he babbles, words coming out a hundred miles an hour.

Josh laughs heartily, leaning in to kiss Tyler's forehead. "I love your priorities," he chuckles. "I had a feeling you'd like this place. I dunno, I've never been, but if anyone can find a way to climb a tree, it's Tyler Joseph."

Tyler beams at him, scooting closer to him on the bed and pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. "Thank you, Jishwa. I cannot freaking wait! Trees... Amazing."

"It's two days before Christmas, so we've got-" Josh pauses, counting on his fingers. 

"Eleven days," Tyler breathes, wide eyed. "We've only got eleven days! Shit, Josh!"

"Hey, hey, Ty, calm down," Josh soothes, wrapping his arms around Tyler's shoulders and pulling him into a tight hug. "One day at a time, okay? Look at that song you wrote in a single afternoon today. We have over a week, we have a bunch of songs, we're gonna be okay! The money isn't great, but it's a show!"

"It's a show... We have a show!" Tyler repeats, getting excited again. "A show where there's a tree growing out of the stage, Josh!"

Josh bursts out laughing again, pressing another kiss to Tyler's forehead. "I'm gonna text Mark and let him know. Hey, do you think it might be a good idea to post about it where you've been posting music?" he asks, and Tyler's smile grows even larger. 

"I think that's a great idea! I'll get on it. And it's your turn to send emails today," Tyler grins at him. "You're clearly better at it anyway, you got us a show! In the sickest venue ever!"

"You'll get 'em too, Ty. We just gotta keep trying," Josh beams back at him. "Okay, I'm gonna fix us coffees, send Mark a text, and cook a bowl of cereal. You want one?'

"From the most prestigious chef in Ohio? You betcha," Tyler smirks, and Josh chuckles as he rifles through t-shirts, pulling on his 'TYLER'S BOY FREN' tank top and heading for the kitchen. 

The shirt gets Tyler's mind racing, and he shimmies himself out of bed and pads over to the wardrobe. Tugging his matching 'BOY FREN' sweater over his head, and Josh's skeleton bone sweatpants over his legs, he follows his boyfriend into the kitchen. 

"Hey, I was thinking," Tyler muses as he slips in through the kitchen door, and Josh glances over his shoulder at him, spooning coffee grounds into his espresso machine. 

"What's up, Ty?"

"Well, it's just a thought, and don't get mad," Tyler starts, and Josh turns to face him, looking inquisitive. Tyler swallows hard, choosing his next words carefully. "I was just thinking that maybe it might be smart if we, y'know..." he trails off, and Josh looks at him expectantly. 

''Maybe we shouldn't be, like, on stage boyfriends," Tyler blurts out, looking at the ground. "It's not that I don't want everyone to know!" he implores, meeting Josh's gaze. "I just think that we should make it about our music, rather than about our relationship."

Josh just keeps looking at him, and Tyler's stomach squirms under his stare. "I just mean, if my own mom can't accept me for it, how do I expect a crowded room full of strangers to-"

"That's absolutely fine, Ty," Josh smiles at him, reaching out to take Tyler's hand in his own and squeezing hard. "In fact, that sounds smart. And it means our relationship won't be a gimmick either. Make it about the music, like you said," he agrees with a grin. 

"So it'll be our little secret?" Tyler smirks, his stomach swooping a little with excitement at the thought. 

"Agreed," Josh smiles back, holding out a pinky finger that Tyler wraps with his own. 

"And you're gonna have to find ways of touching me without getting caught," Tyler raises an eyebrow, not letting go of Josh's finger. 

"Kinky. Little. Slut," Josh growls, and Tyler giggles, their fingers still hooked around each other. "Deal. You're so on," he grins, and Tyler smirks, satisfied, as he finally relinquishes his grip on Josh's pinky. 

*****

Over the next few days, Tyler and Josh write songs, practice their music and send emails almost exclusively. They work on finessing the songs they already have written, and Tyler asks Josh for his input on lyrics, making sure the words represent both of them together. Under Josh's guidance, Tyler's confidence in his music slowly builds, until he feels sure that the two of them can put on a good show. 

They work on recording new songs as they write them, deciding that they'll put together their own album, seeing as they don't have a fancy record deal like Brendon and his band. Josh offers the sunny outlook that this just means they get complete creative control over their work, they don't have to deal with outside influencers looking to change them. 

Tyler comes to appreciate just how hard working Josh is, how set on the end goal he is. Not once does Tyler find himself having to battle to keep Josh focused, never does he feel like he's the one doing all the work. It's a very stark contrast to any group project he's ever done in the past, all of them having been done with Brendon throughout their school years. As much fun as having a best friend with ADHD may have been, Brendon's individual personality meant that he was utterly useless when it came to the crunch. 

In fact, Josh's work ethic only encourages Tyler to push himself harder, until he finds himself overworked and coming down with something. 

It's the weekend before their show, Thursday night is the big night, and Tyler has been sleepless for almost two days. His head is pounding, his nose is stuffed up, his throat is dry and raspy, and he's been insisting on sleeping on the couch so as not to infect Josh. 

"The last thing we need is for both of us to get sick before the show," Tyler keeps saying every time Josh begs him to come to bed. 

His boyfriend has repeatedly argued that it wouldn't matter if he were sick, all he has to do is hold sticks and hit things. However the desire to cuddle in bed is overwhelmed time and again by how God awful Tyler feels, and he doesn't want to be the reason for Josh feeling the same way. 

He's been rolling around on his cramped and uncomfortable sofa bed for hours now, first too hot, then too cold. He's achey all over, and his splitting headache, wheezing breath, and constant coughing are keeping him awake. Eventually, he gives up on the notion of ever getting to sleep, and pads over to the television, turning it and the Nintendo 64 on, then picking up a controller. 

Flopping back down on the couch, Tyler does his best to swaddle himself where he sits, wrapping himself in blankets until only his hands and face poke out. He's shivering, teeth chattering despite being bundled in blankets, as he makes his way through menu selections to start up a game of Super Smash Bros. 

He hikes up the difficulty settings to give himself a challenge against the computer generated opponent, and the battle begins. It doesn't take long for him to be grunting as his thumbs twiddle the joysticks madly, nor for him to be trying to hold in shouts as he narrowly misses moves. 

At one point, right as he was setting up a particularly complicated strike, Tyler misclicks and ends up being sent careening off the edge of the platform by the in-game enemy. He screams in frustration, throwing his controller to the ground in a fit of anger, before clapping his hands over his mouth at how loud he's being. 

Only moments later, a dazed and disorientated looking Josh stumbles into the room, concerned. "Is everything okay?" he mumbles groggily. "I heard a shout."

"Sorry," Tyler utters meekly, looking down. "I was playing a game, I got real into it," he explains, motioning to the screen. 

Josh breaks out into a grin, chuckling softly. "Hey, scooch over," he smiles. 

Tyler does as he asks, and Josh flops down on the couch next to him, passing Tyler the controller from the floor and grabbing the second from atop the coffee table. Tyler unravels his cocoon just a little, to cover Josh's lap in blankets as he brings his feet up off the ground and crosses his legs on the sofa beside him. 

"I call dibs on Samus," Josh smirks, looking at the screen, and Tyler tries to giggle but it turns into a cough. 

"Hey, you get a game set up, I'll be back in a sec," Josh tells him, patting somewhere in the vicinity of Tyler's thigh under all the blankets, then heading off towards the kitchen. 

Tyler goes through the menu once again, sitting with the game ready to go, and waits for his return. A couple of minutes later, Josh is back with a mug in each hand. He places a cup of steaming, yellow-gold liquid down in front of Tyler with a smile. 

"It's honey and lemon, it'll help your throat," Josh assures him. "And take two of these," he sets a little blister pack of pills down next to it. 

He takes a sip of his own coffee, then sets his mug down on the coffee table and picks his controller back up. 

"Thanks, Jish," Tyler says quietly with a small smile. "You always take such good care of me." He leans toward Josh to place a delicate kiss to his cheek. 

"I keep telling you, I'm just doing my job, Ty," Josh smiles back to him. "Now c'mon, I'm gonna whoop your ass!" 

*****

The two of them pass out, huddled together, sitting on the couch. It isn't until sunlight is streaming through the window that Tyler is finally awoken, stretching and looking around with a sigh to find Josh in such proximity to him, stirring with his movement. 

"If you get sick, it's not my fault," Tyler reminds him, too slow to move away like he has been over the past few days, when Josh moves in to give him a kiss. 

"Deal! I promise I won't blame you, just please come sleep in bed tonight," Josh smirks, shuffling forwards on the couch and grabbing the mugs from the early morning. "I'm gonna have some coffee, you want another honey drink?

"Yes please," Tyler croaks, noticing that has sore throat has been soothed slightly. He grabs his laptop from the coffee table and opens it up on his knees, sighing as he clicks on the drafted email he'd abandoned the night before, and going back to the sentence he had been stuck on. 

"Hey, how did you word the email to the Treehouse?" Tyler asks Josh as he enters the room again, carrying two steaming mugs. 

"Honestly, I don't even remember, they all kind of blurred into one. It was all just the same junk we discussed, worded a thousand different ways, I guess. Don't forget, I've only gotten one reply so far. We've just gotta find the right places."

"Mondays seem to be good for open mic nights, maybe we could do a few of those just to get our name out there," Tyler suggests, turning back to his screen. 

"I'm in if you are," Josh smiles at him. "And I've been thinking, you said about wanting to grab everyone's attention the second we step onstage, back at the frat party?"

"Yeah?" Tyler looks up at him, intrigued. 

"Well," Josh starts, setting the lemon water in front of Tyler and taking a seat beside him, "I was thinking masks. Like, what about ski masks?"

"I love it," Tyler grins right away. "Balaclavas are totally unnerving, like jet black, or maybe blood red."

"Red's my favourite colour," Josh grins, and Tyler smiles back at him. 

"I like blue," he adds, then shakes his head, getting distracted. "But anyway, ski masks work! It gives it all a facelessness, it invites people to see themselves in the music more readily."

Josh just smiles at him for a moment. "I love how you do that. You can add profound meaning and depth to the most seemingly mundane things. Like, put a banana on a desk and you'll make it into an existential metaphor."

"I'm the poor man's Andy Warhol," Tyler beams, and Josh bursts out laughing. 

"Well, 'tis the season for winter sports! We should go ski mask shopping later, you shouldn't be singing with your throat all jacked up anyway," Josh smiles sympathetically at him. "It's almost noon, we should be getting some food into you, too. Drink up your honey and lemon, and then we'll go."

Tyler nods, picking up his mug and letting it warm his cold fingers, giving Josh a grateful smile as he takes a sip.

*****

That afternoon, Josh drives the two of them to a strip mall nearby, Tyler wrapped up in at least five layers under Josh's duress. They find their ski masks and grab a quick lunch at Taco Bell before heading back home. On the way, Josh pulls into the college campus car park, much to Tyler's bemusement. 

"What are we doing here?" he asks, cocking an eyebrow, and Josh pulls a joint Tyler hadn't noticed out from behind his ear. 

"Going on an adventure," he smirks, pulling his keys from the ignition and opening the car door. 

Curious, Tyler follows suit, shivering slightly, despite all his layers of clothing, in the cold, December air. He closes his door and turns on his heel to follow Josh, who's already marching towards the trees at the sidelines of campus grounds. He jogs a little to catch up, then falls in line with his footsteps, panting a little with the effort to keep pace. 

"We're nearly there," Josh assures him, after a few minutes of brisk walking, and just moments later they're coming out into a familiar clearing, a wonky heart carved into a huge oak tree facing them. 

Tyler giggles as he races towards their tree, grinning as he reaches it and turns to Josh. 

"I should have known!" he laughs. "Hey, since we're here, I can practice my tree climbing," he smirks, shrugging off the puffy jacket Josh had dressed him in before they left and letting it fall onto the crisp leaves below their feet. 

With that, he's jumping up onto a low hanging branch and scrabbling up before Josh can argue. Tyler hears the click and whoosh of a lighter being fired up behind him as he scales the limbs of the tree, climbing higher and higher, until he pauses to glance down at the ground and finds it twenty feet below him. 

"Be careful up there!" Josh calls up to him as Tyler clambers out onto a sturdy branch and takes a seat. 

"You should come up and join me!" Tyler cries back down to him on the ground. "You get a great view of the sunset up here."

Letting the joint rest between his lips, Josh looks determined as he launches himself at the lowest branch of the tree, Tyler cackling as he watches him fall back down to the ground. 

"Get a leg up!" Tyler shouts down to him. "Use your foot to boost you! USE YOUR GLUTES!"

He keeps calling out instructions and encouragements as he watches Josh struggle to climb the tree, the whole thing shaking and leaves slowly falling to the earth below as Josh manages to make his way up, until he's awkwardly scooting along to branch to rest beside Tyler. 

"Good job," Tyler smirks as Josh passes him the joint and throws an arm around his shoulders. 

"Yeah, thanks, Captain Patronisation," Josh chuckles, shoving Tyler ever so slightly. "You're right, though. The sunset looks incredible from up here. I can see why you climb trees to escape."

Tyler snuggles into Josh's side for warmth, relishing the heat he always exudes. He hums in agreement as he breathes out a cloud of smoke, watching as it hangs in the air before them for a moment, then disperses. Taking a deep breath in through his nose, the earthy smell of the forest filling him with a nostalgic sense of happiness, he lets out a contented little sigh. 

"They're definitely better when you're in them, too, Jishwa," Tyler smirks, and he feels Josh lean over to press a kiss to the top of his head. "Hey, I think I might invite my mom and Zack to the show? If that's alright with you. I mean, Zack wants to see us for sure, and it seems like my mom is really trying. I figure, the more people the better, right?"

"Sounds awesome, Ty. If you want them to be there, I'd love for them to come," Josh beams at him, his arm tightening around Tyler's shoulders. 

The two of them go back to starting out across the treetops in front of them, watching as the sun slowly descends towards the horizon, and in that moment, with Josh beside him, nose sniffling and teeth chattering, Tyler feels invincible. 

*****

The next day, Tyler wakes up on the floor of the fort, alone. He sits up, disorientated, looking around for Josh, but he's nowhere to be seen. Tyler tries calling out for him, but he finds his voice is almost gone, a quiet rasp in his throat all that escapes.

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Tyler crawls out of the fort and emerges into the living room, still no sign of Josh. He clears his throat and tries calling for him again, this time a croaky sort of squeak coming out, but either Josh doesn't hear or he isn't there. 

Panic grips at Tyler's insides and he doesn't know why, his chest tightening and his breathing becoming laboured as he races to the kitchen to find it empty, then down the hall to the bedroom, but his search is in vain. Josh isn't in the apartment. 

Mind racing and feeling lost, Tyler returns to the living room, half expecting to find Josh sitting on the couch waiting for him. When he realises the room is just as empty as he left it, Tyler throws himself down on the couch, trying to take a deep breath. He can recognise that he's behaving irrationally, but that doesn't stop the panicky dread that claws at his insides as he sits in silence. 

Where could he have gone? What could have happened? Think logically, he tries to tell himself, but his mind feels foggy and he can't quite get his thoughts straight. Instead, Tyler tries to focus on his breathing. In and then out, feeling his chest rising and falling. 'He isn't gone forever,' he tells himself in his mind, 'he's going to come back.'

Tyler isn't sure how long he sits on the couch, silently trying to will himself not to fall apart. The next thing he's aware of is the sound of a key turning in the front door, and then his heart is in his throat, pounding so hard it makes him feel sick. Tyler rushes out into the hall just in time to see Josh pushing the door open, two coffees in a little, cardboard holder and a brown, paper bag in his hand. 

Not even giving Josh time to close the door, Tyler rushes over to him, almost knocking the Starbucks cups from his grasp as he throws himself into Josh's arms and grips him tightly around the waist. Josh chuckles a little until he sees the pained expression Tyler is wearing. 

"Hey, baby, is everything okay?" he asks in a soothing voice, pecking a kiss to Tyler's forehead as he wraps his free arm around his shoulders. 

"I didn't know where you were," Tyler utters quietly into Josh's collarbone. "I couldn't find you."

His voice is tiny, quavering a little as he speaks, and Josh coos softly. "I'm sorry, baby boy. I didn't wanna wake you up, I was just popping out to get us breakfast."

Tyler doesn't say anything, still clinging tightly to Josh's waist as he shimmies in through the door and closes it behind him. 

"I'm really sorry, Ty, I didn't mean to scare you," Josh sighs regretfully, running his free hand through Tyler's hair. "I double promise I'll always leave a note in future," he assures him. "Now, c'mon, your chai latte is gonna get cold."

Tyler takes a deep breath, his chest feeling freer now, and takes his arms back from around Josh's waist. "Sorry. I was just worried," he tries to explain, knowing he was overreacting. "Thanks, Jishwa," he adds with a small smile, and Josh ruffles his hair as he leads him through to the living room. 

After a breakfast of croissants and tea, the two of them lay back on the couch, Josh with his laptop perching on his knee as he tries to word more emails to potential future venues. Tyler's thoughts are with his mother, still in shock over their conversation the weekend prior. 

"Do you think I should call my mom and ask her to come to the show?" he asks Josh suddenly, turning down the volume of the episode of X-Files on the TV screen. 

"If you want her to be there, then absolutely," Josh smiles at him, briefly looking away from his drafted email. "You can invite whoever you like, Ty."

"Okay, I'll give her a call," Tyler replies, hesitating, before Josh gives him a gentle shove, then he works his phone from the pocket of his tight jeans and pulls up her contact information. 

He stalls for a few seconds longer until, after another small shove from Josh, he hits the call button and raises his cellphone to his ear. Only a few rings go by before his mother's voice pours through the receiver. 

"Tyler! I didn't expect to hear from you so soon! Is everything okay, honey?" she asks, and Tyler smiles. He's missed her incessant worrying. 

"Yeah, mom, everything is fine. Great in fact! Josh and I got a show," he grins, and he hears her squeal with excitement on the other end. 

"Oh, Tyler, that's wonderful!" she cheers, her tone filling Tyler with the same excitement. "Where is it?" she asks, still bubbling. 

"It's a bar in Columbus called Andyman's Treehouse? I'd never heard of it, but apparently there's a tree growing through the stage," he giggles. 

"Wow, that sounds amazing!" she enthuses, sounding entirely genuine. "When are you playing?"

"It's two days before Christmas. I was just calling to see if, maybe, you wanted to come?" he suggests, expecting some kind of excuse as to why she won't be able to make it. 

"Tyler, sweetheart, I would _love_ to! Oh, how exciting! I can't wait!" she almost sings with glee. 

"Yeah, neither can we. It should be fun!" he agrees, a little shocked, but overjoyed that she's coming. 

"I'll tell you what, I'll pop in and see if I can't get some tickets to sell. There are always a whole group of college kids hanging around at the juice bar not far from the school when I get out, afternoons. I can try and get some sales for you guys!" she offers, and Tyler is rendered speechless once again. His mother has been good at that in the past week. 

"Are you kidding?" he finally breathes out, and he hears her laughing. 

"Of course not! I already told you, I'll support you no matter what. The more the merrier, right?"

"Right! Oh my God, mom, thank you so much," he gushes, feeling close to tears all over again. 

"Tyler Joseph, **do not** take the Lord's name in vain! How many times...?! But you're welcome, sweetie. Hopefully I'll sell a few for you! Oh, I just can't wait! Now, you two will be calling round before the show, of course?" she doesn't so much ask as she tells him. 

"Of course, mom!" Oh my G-" he almost says God again before he catches himself, "goodness. Thank you so much, mom. For real. This is crazy awesome, thank you. I guess we'll see you soon then, right?"

"Right!" she agrees happily. "See you boys in a few, don't stop practicing!" she teases, and he giggles. 

"I promise, momma," he grins, and he hears her laughing softly. 

"I love you, Tyler," she tells him. "I love you with my whole heart. I can't wait to see you again. And to meet Josh!"

"I can't wait either, momma. I love you too, we'll see you on Thursday," Tyler smiles, his heart swelling fit to burst. 

After a last goodbye, she hangs up, and Tyler sits with the phone still in his hand, a smile on his so big his cheeks are aching. The situation feels so incredibly surreal. These two parts of his life that mean more to him than anything else, his mother and Josh, are finally going to collide after such a long time of him trying his best to keep them separate. A part of him is terrified, but a much larger part is happier than he has been since his mother turned him away from the house. 

"Holy shit," Josh breathes from beside him, and Tyler turns to see a massive, beaming smile on his face, too. "So, I'm meeting your mom on Thursday?"

"You're meeting my mom on Thursday," Tyler repeats, smile growing impossibly huge, and Josh stands up from the couch to haul Tyler to his feet, wrapping his arms around his waist and lifting him off the ground to twirl him around in a circle, his legs flying out behind him as Josh spins him around. They both burst out laughing, Josh turning them until they collapse, in a heap, on the couch. 

"I can't fucking wait," Josh grins, kissing Tyler's forehead. 

"I'm so sorry it's taken so long," Tyler says quietly, looking up into Josh's eyes, "but neither can I."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can talk to me if you like. I'd love to hear from you.
> 
> Tumblr: http://trashler.tumblr.com  
> Twitter: @rumerpriestly  
> YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/rumerpriestly
> 
> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it.


	48. Accomplishing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MY FRENS, I CANNOT APOLOGISE ENOUGH. 
> 
> I am so fucking sorry I've been so absent. Not only have I not been posting, I haven't even been answering your comments. I am so, so sorry. I'm just in such a bad place right now, my mental illness is taking my creativity from me, it's gotten so, so difficult to write. I've just been terrified of even coming on to this website because I miss it so much. I miss all of you. It makes me so sad. 
> 
> I promised you all I wasn't ever going to give up on this story, and I'm keeping that promise. I'll never stop, no matter how slow I go. This story will get its end, in fact we're almost there, and I won't give up on it. 
> 
> Thank you so much, to all of you who have stayed with me through this drought, to those who have sent me kind messages, supported me, you guys are, I swear to god, some of the loveliest people I have ever had the privilege to talk to. And thank you so much for 23k hits! That's really unfathomable, but I am so glad you guys think my trash is worth it. 
> 
> This means actual Christmas Day is going to come out after Christmas, I'm sorry, I'm shit, but at least this one is a little bit Christmassy to get you in the mood. I wanted to give you all a present since you've been so fucking nice to me. I'm sorry if it sucks. I'm also sorry if it reads like it was written in 582 different parts, but it was. 
> 
> I love you all. I'm sorry for my inadequacies. Merry fucking Christmas. And I know how difficult it can be, believe me, but stay alive, frens. ❤️

Thursday rolls around entirely too soon for Tyler's comfort. In the past few days his cold has cleared up, and luckily Josh has managed to escape contagion. His voice has recovered, and the two of them have spent the last two days holed up in the apartment, emails forgotten as they practice until Josh's hands are blistered and Tyler is almost going hoarse all over again. 

That morning, the two of them work on dismantling Josh's drum kit to fit in the back of his car. Conversation between them is limited, both filled with an unspoken, nervous energy that has Tyler's hands shaking and Josh's eyebrows creased. 

"We really need to get a trailer," Josh pipes up as he collapses the stand for his hi-hat. "And maybe a guy to do all of this crap for us, so that we don't have to."

Tyler laughs at this, coiling wires around his forearm between his elbow and hand. "Yeah, agreed. Mark could be our guy," he jokes, and Josh chuckles. 

"Mark would be about as useful as the cats are right now, Ty," he grins, looking over to the two kittens curled up on the mattress. "He'd just sit in the bed and tell us to work harder. Trust me, I've had him as a boss."

"Now that you mention it, I think I only ever saw him sitting down in that store," Tyler muses, and Josh chuckles again. 

"Yeah, he'll be real good for helping manage money, book shows and find a crew. Not so much with the manual labour," he sighs, working on taking his snare off its stand. 

"Okay, do you wanna help me load the piano into the back of my car, then we can get the drums into yours?" Tyler suggests, already panicking a little at the idea of leaving. 

Today is a big day for the two of them. Not only is it going to be their first official gig together, but it's going to be Josh's first introduction to Tyler's family. As excited as Tyler is for the day to unfold, he can't help but feel a little anxious about it all. He still hasn't quite come to terms with the idea of his mother's acceptance, perhaps it will start to feel more real once they're in front of her, but for now he can't seem to shake the feeling that this has all been a wonderful dream. 

"C'mon, let's get this thing downstairs," Josh sighs, grabbing the piano from one end and pushing it across the floor, Tyler feeling grateful for its wheels. 

With some difficulty, they manage to get Tyler's piano through the apartment's front door and out into the hall, where Josh presses the call button for the elevator. After a few moments, the door slides open to reveal a short, stout woman, her glowing skin almost as dark as her untameable, jet black hair, standing inside with a grin on her face. 

"Tyler, Josh! How are you boys?" she beams with open arms, pearly teeth flashing through ruby red painted lips, as Tyler rushes in to embrace her, leaving Josh to struggle solo with loading, first the keyboard, then himself, into the elevator after him. 

"Aunty Becky!" Tyler cries, pulling away from the hug. "I'm great, thanks! And thank you so much for the beautiful birthday cake, it was delicious! How are you?"

"Oh, you're so welcome, sweet pea. I'm doing just fine, and you, Josh?" she asks Josh, who smiles over the piano at her. 

"Yeah, I'm great thanks!" Josh grins. "A little nervous, though; we're playing our first real show later," he adds, patting the piano. 

"Oh my, the noisy boys on stage? That's just fantastic!" Aunty Becky cheers with a warm, genuine smile. "Break a leg, you two. I hope it goes well, oh I wish I could come!"

"You should!" Tyler encourages, and she squeals with laughter. "No, really! You out dancing in the crowd? The kids would love you! You'd get about thirty new nieces and nephews," he giggles. 

At that, the elevator lets out a ding as the doors slide open onto the ground floor. Tyler takes one end of the piano, Josh at the other, and they negotiate it out into the foyer. Aunty Becky follows them out, chuckling merrily at their awkward antics as she makes her way to her post box. 

"Merry Christmas, boys!" she calls out, waving to them. "And good luck tonight! Maybe I'll see you next time," she beams. 

"Oh, before we go!" Tyler shouts suddenly, halting their progress towards the door. "What number is your apartment?"

"Floor above you, sweetheart. Six oh three," Aunty Becky replies, a smirk on her lips. 

"Okay, see you soon, Merry Christmas," Tyler calls back to her, and Josh gives her a little wave before they return to the struggle of getting Tyler's piano down the front steps. 

**-**

It doesn't take long to get Josh's drum kit into the back of his car, after the kerfuffle of squeezing Tyler's keyboard and antique casing into the trunk of the Oldsmobile. Once all the equipment is stowed away safely, the two of them make their way back upstairs to get ready. After a quick, shared shower, they head to the bedroom to get dressed. 

Josh's anxiety is beginning to get the better of him, but he doesn't dare let it show, not wanting to get Tyler worked up. He suspects that his boyfriend already has a mental storm brewing in his own head over the very idea of what's ahead of them, and he doesn't want to add to it, but he's feeling a little queasy himself just at the thought of it.

If Tyler's mother struggled to accept her own son's sexuality, how on Earth is she going to accept his boyfriend? Tyler's conservative, Christian mother; and Josh, with his nose ring and stretched ears, sporting bright red hair and jeans with ripped knees. Perhaps he should dye his hair back to brown before they go? Maybe he should take out his nose ring, try to flatten his unruly hair, wear a suit and tie? 

"Oh god, what should I wear?" Josh asks, working himself into a panic, a worried frown playing on his face. 

"Just wear whatever you're gonna play in tonight!" Tyler giggles, apparently finding Josh's urgent need to impress his mother adorable. 

"Oh, yeah, great, okay, so I'll turn up to meet your family for the first time in nothing but a pair of shorts and a ski mask, then?" Josh suggests sarcastically, and Tyler giggles again. 

"Josh. Jishwa. Stop worrying," he soothes, crossing the room to wrap his arms around Josh's waist and peck a kiss to his bottom lip delicately. "My mom is gonna love you, okay? She just needed time, like you said, but she's ready now. She's so excited to meet you, I promise. Just be yourself, wear some jeans and a t-shirt, everyone is gonna love you."

Josh lets out a sigh, a little impressed that, for once, Tyler is talking him down and not the other way around. He gives a slight nod, leaning forward to press his lips to Tyler's forehead.

"Oh, and wear some leggings under your shorts. I don't want anybody else to see your junk," Tyler adds with a wink, and Josh chuckles, crossing the room to the dresser. 

"D'ya think your mom would like this?" Josh jokes, holding up his "TYLER'S BOY FREN" tank top, and Tyler lets out a giggle. 

"Oh, it'll go down a storm, I'm sure," he laughs, tugging on underwear and then coming to join Josh at the drawers, rifling through clothes to find an outfit. 

After a little more fussing, Josh has finally decided on jeans and a dark blue, paisley print button down, with a change of clothes for the show that evening. He's decided his outfit sends the message that he's trying, but not too hard. Tyler still thinks he's putting much too much thought into it. 

"Okay. You ready to go?" Tyler asks as Josh stuffs his shorts and a pair of Tyler's leggings into a duffel bag. "Next stop, Columbus!"

Josh musters a smile, his nervousness manifesting itself in butterflies that flutter around his stomach. He gives a weak nod of affirmation, and Tyler smiles sympathetically as he drags Josh into a tight hug. 

"It's going to go great, okay?" Tyler reassures him. "My mom is gonna love you, because I love you. Is this sounding familiar?" 

Josh lets out a breath of laughter, recognising his own words from Tyler's mouth. "Yeah, but it was okay last time because I wasn't the one who was worrying!"

"Jishwa! You've got nothing to worry about, okay? They're all gonna love you. It's gonna be great. I'll even take you to my bedroom so we can kiss and stuff," he winks, and Josh chuckles again, leaning in to peck a kiss to Tyler's forehead. 

"Thanks, Ty. I love you," he utters, kissing Tyler's lips gently. "Okay, let's go!"

**-**

The long drive to Columbus in Christmas traffic is borderline painful for Tyler, knowing that Josh is in the car behind him, so close and yet so far removed. He mentally curses himself for not having replaced his damn car radio yet, the silence stretching on for hours with nothing but the humming of the engine to accompany him on the seemingly never ending journey. 

At long last, after almost two hours of driving, Tyler and Josh are finally pulling in to the street he grew up on. Inexplicably, Tyler's heart starts hammering wildly in his chest as he makes the turnoff. He wills it to stop, but his heart has never paid him any mind in the past, why would it start now?

Pulling up on the curb outside his childhood home, Tyler shuts off the engine and jumps out of the car, making sure all his doors are locked before rushing over to greet Josh as he climbs out the driver side door of his own car. Tyler is sure to keep a reassuring smile on his face, despite his fast beating heart, as he reaches out to take Josh's hand in his. 

"It's going to be great, okay?" Tyler asks, and Josh attempts a smirk, but it looks a little pained. "I promise," he smiles with a squeeze of Josh's hand, and he gets a squeeze in return. 

With that, Tyler sets off up the path with Josh in tow, not wanting to draw the process out any longer than necessary. He jogs up the steps to the front door, practically dragging Josh along behind him, and gives the wood a few sharp raps with his knuckles. 

He hears Josh hold his breath beside him, his grip on Tyler's hand tightening as they wait a few moments for the door to open. His heart is still racing as he counts the passing seconds, three, four, five, and then... 

"Oh, Tyler!" his mom screeches, grabbing Tyler around the waist and yanking him into a tight, squeezing hug, so crushing that it's painful. "It feels like it's been so long since I last saw you!" she cries. 

"It's only been a few weeks, mom," Tyler giggles, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and hugging her back until she pulls away. 

"Oh, you know what I mean," she brushes him off, and he really does. He knows exactly what she means. It may as well have been years ago that they were last standing face to face. 

"So! You must be Josh," his mother says with a sly smile, turning to face Josh, who's still clinging desperately to Tyler's hand. 

"That's me," he smiles, giving an awkward wave. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Missus Joseph," he says stiffly, letting go of Tyler to offer his mother a hand. 

"Oh, don't be ridiculous! Call me Kelly," she smiles, slapping Josh's hand away and pulling him into a hug instead. "It's a pleasure to meet you, too," she mocks with a wink, and Josh laughs. 

"Well, come on in!" Kelly insists, stepping back from the door to allow Tyler and Josh entry. "Everybody's at home, for once! We were just about to have pancakes and bacon, if you boys would like some?"

Both of them perk up at the mention of food, and she laughs at their faces as they nod enthusiastically. 

"Pancakes sound awesome, mom. Hey, is Zack up in his room?" Tyler asks. 

"Yeah, everybody is still upstairs as far as I know. I'll give you a shout when the food's ready," she smiles, grabbing the dish cloth she had slung over her shoulder and heading back towards the kitchen. 

"Thanks loads," Josh smiles after her, before Tyler takes his hand and drags him off towards the staircase. 

The two of them thunder upstairs, Tyler bursting through the door of the bedroom he and his brother once shared, laughing as he sees a lump under the duvet on the bed. He lets go of Josh's hand to launch himself on top of his brother's snoozing form, satisfied with the loud, "OOF!" he gets from beneath the covers. 

"Hey, little brother!" Tyler cheers, and there's a fuss from beneath him as Zack attempts to whip the covers off of himself. 

"Hey, Tyler! When did you get here?" he asks, rubbing his bleary eyes. 

"Just now, Josh is here too," Tyler beams, sitting back to allow Zack to push himself up on the bed. 

"Hey," Josh grins from the doorway. "You coming tonight, man?"

"What's tonight?" Zack asks, a confused eyebrow raised high on his forehead. 

"Our show! Mom didn't tell you? We're playing in Columbus this evening," Tyler giggles, and Zack looks affronted. 

"I didn't get an invite! You guys got a show?! That's kickass!" 

"You're totally coming," Tyler laughs, standing up. "I've gotta go do the rounds with Josh, but mom's making pancakes. For God's sake, get some clothes on."

"Good luck with the kids," Zack murmurs to Josh in earnest, and Josh laughs nervously. 

"Okay, we'll see ya downstairs," Tyler smiles, crossing the room to take Josh's hand and lead him out. 

**-**

Josh squirms a little under the scrutinising stares of Tyler's younger siblings. Maddy sits on her bed, Jay beside her, with Tyler and Josh sat in a computer chair and an armchair in front of them. Madison's bedroom around them is decorated with boyband posters on the walls and various basketball trophies sat on shelves. 

"Okay. You guys get one more question each," Tyler states, and Josh lets out a little sigh of relief, having been in the line of fire for almost fifteen minutes now. 

He can't help but notice Tyler's younger brother staring at him, he hasn't stopped since he entered the room. It makes him feel intensely uncomfortable, despite the knowledge that there's no malice behind the inquisitive nature. 

"Are you a dog person or a cat person?" Maddy asks after a brief deliberation, and Josh chuckles a little. 

"Cats for sure," he answers right away, and he can tell by the look on her face that this wasn't the answer she was seeking. "I like dogs too!" Josh assures her, "But I have two cats at home, look," he pulls out his phone to show Madison pictures, and she melts as she takes in the furry faces staring back at her. 

"They're really cute!" she coos, and Josh sits back, satisfied. 

"Alright, Jay, your turn," Tyler prompts, but Jay waves him off. 

"I'm thinkin', I'm thinkin'!" he protests, and Josh chuckles again. 

They wait for a few moments before Jay pipes up again. 

"Do you love each other?" he asks Josh with a completely straight and sincere face, and Josh notices Tyler tensing up in his peripheral vision. 

"Jay, you can't just ask him tha-" Tyler starts, but Josh holds up a hand. 

"Nah, Ty, it's fine," he smiles over at Tyler, giving his thigh a gentle squeeze. 

Although he looks teenaged, Jay isn't even ten yet. It makes Josh grin to be asked such a sweet question by Tyler's kid brother, and for this to be the question he took so long coming up with. He turns to Jay with a beaming smile, trying to think of the best words to use. 

"Your brother is probably the best thing that's ever happened to me in my whole entire life," Josh tells him, his smile growing bigger. "He's very, very special to me. I love him very much."

Maddy mocks throwing up from the other side of the bed, and Josh chuckles again, but he sees Jay's eyes light up with the answer. 

"Hey, don't go anywhere yet, I'll be right back!" Jay insists, jumping up from the bed and racing out of the room. 

Josh looks over to Tyler, who simply shrugs after having slapped Maddy across the leg for her gagging noise, but they aren't left waiting long before Jay is barging back into the room, huffing slightly. 

"This is for you," he beams, holding a closed hand out to Josh, who holds up an open palm to accept whatever gift he's about to be given. "He's my best Batman, but you can have him," Jay smiles. 

Josh looks down to see a little, plastic action figure of Batman, with opposable arms and legs, complete with cape. His heart swells fit to bursting and he grabs Jay to pull him in for a tight hug. 

"This is awesome, Jay! Thanks loads, he's a really good Batman. I'll keep him on my bedside table and he can protect me while I sleep," he grins. 

"He's kept me safe in the dark for two whole years," Jay says proudly, his chest puffing up, and Josh laughs. 

"Thanks, man. That's the best gift I've gotten all year," he grins, then he feels Tyler taking his hand and standing behind him. 

"Alright, that's all the questions we're taking for now. Thank you for your time, dear siblings. We'll see you for pancakes soon," Tyler announces, dragging Josh from his armchair and to his feet. 

As soon as they're out of Maddy's bedroom, Tyler tugs Josh down the hall by the hand, and through a third door that opens into a bedroom devoid of almost anything but a dresser, a TV, and a bed. The door is closed behind them, and then Tyler whirls Josh around to press their lips together in a slow, soft kiss, all stroking hands and wandering tongues. 

"You are amazing," Tyler breathes as he pulls away, running his fingers through Josh's hair. "They all love you. I _told_ you they'd love you. And Jay must _really_ love you if he gave you his **best** Batman."

"I love them. I love _you_ ," Josh growls with a smirk, picking Tyler up off his feet and making him squeal as he twirls them around in a circle. 

Once he's set Tyler back down, he mashes their lips together again, tongues colliding as Josh relishes the tiny little moans forming in the back of Tyler's throat. Josh backs him up against the wall and has both hands under his t-shirt, running his nails down Tyler's stomach before he hears Kelly's voice calling them to brunch from downstairs. 

"God damn it," Tyler huffs out, his cheeks a little pink as he runs a hand through his already mussed hair. "To be continued," he giggles, leaning forward to kiss Josh once more, dragging his bottom lip back between his teeth. 

Josh can't help but grin as he straightens up his shirt and runs a hand through his own tousled locks, his smile growing as he watches Tyler adjust himself with a hand in his underwear. He lets out a quiet growl as he slaps Tyler's ass hard on his way to the door, earning him a shriek. 

"Behave yourself!" Tyler scolds as he opens the door, watching as Jay goes thundering past and hurries downstairs. 

"You started it!" Josh protests with a smirk, sticking his tongue out at Tyler as he glares over his shoulder. 

"And I'll finish it! After breakfast, so behave," he hisses, making his way out onto the landing. 

"Is that a promise or a threat?" Josh asks, wiggling his eyebrows, and Tyler looks set to give him a snarky reply before Zack emerges from his bedroom beside them. 

"Hey, Zack!" Josh laughs, gleeful at Tyler's annoyed reaction to him getting the last word. "Have you heard 'Kitchen Sink' since Tyler added the electronic parts yet?"

"I haven't!" Zack replies as the three of them make their way downstairs together. "How did it turn out?"

"Dude, it's awesome! Your verse sounds incredible, for real. We'll play it tonight," Josh assures him. 

"Hey, yeah!" Tyler chimes in. "Zack, you should come on stage with us and do your verse tonight! That would be frickin' awesome!"

"What, really?" Zack asks, looking unsure, as they reach the bottom of the staircase. 

"Yes really! It would be incredible," Tyler urges, and Josh nods in agreement. "You can think it through, no rush. But you definitely should."

"Yeah, I'll think about it," Zack relents as they head into the kitchen and take their seats at the table. 

Josh's eyes immediately go to the head of the table, where Tyler's father sits, and his heart jumps to his throat. As their eyes meet, the man rises from his seat and holds a hand out to Josh with a warm smile. 

"It's a pleasure to meet you, sir," Josh says formally, grasping the hand that's extended his way and giving it a firm shake. 

"The pleasure's all mine," he replies, releasing Josh's hand, "and call me Chris!"

"Yessir, I mean, Chris," Josh stumbles, and Chris laughs as he takes his seat once more. 

Tyler pulls out a chair to throw himself down opposite his brothers and sister, and Josh takes the seat beside him, his mouth already watering at the delicious aromas filling the kitchen. 

"Brunch is served!" Kelly calls out cheerily, setting down a plate heaping with bacon in the middle of the table and heading towards the counter to fetch the pancakes. 

As soon as the food is set down, Tyler's younger siblings are like a ravenous pack of wolves, attacking the plate and leaving it almost empty as they pile their plates high with heaps of bacon. 

"Honestly, you'd think you kids never got fed. We have company!" Kelly scolds as she sets down the second plate and takes her own seat at the free end of the table. 

"Sorry mom," come the muffled, chiming replies from Maddy and Jay, their mouths already stuffed with food. 

"Jay is a bottomless pit," Tyler explains to Josh with a smile. "If you don't eat fast, you don't eat."

"I'm a growing boy!" Jay shoots back, looking smug, as he stabs a pancake on the end of his fork and lays it on his plate to smother it in syrup. 

"That's just what mom says so you don't get sad that you're fat," Zack teases him, prodding Jay in the stomach. 

"ZACHARY! You take that back, your brother is just big boned," Kelly scolds again as Josh stifles a laugh behind his hand, taking a few pancakes for himself. 

"That's not even a thing, mom!" Zack protests. "We learned about it in biology. He's just chubby," he teases, prodding Jay's stomach again. 

"Whatever, you're just jealous 'cause you're nearly twice my age and I'm taller," Jay smirks, shoving about half a pancake into his mouth. 

"Yeah, well, you're nearly twice my _size_ ," Zack laughs, picking up a piece of bacon from his plate with his fingers. 

"Zack, stop being a jerk," Tyler cuts in, then he turns to his youngest brother. "You're right, Jay, he's totally jealous. You could kick his butt," he winks. 

"There will be no butt kicking in this house, thank you very much!" Kelly cuts in, and the kids quieten down. "Zack, apologise to your brother." 

Zack mutters a quick, "Sorry," looking down at his plate. 

"Now, if you don't lose the attitude you won't be coming tonight." Zack looks ready to protest this, but his mother holds up a hand. "I mean it!"

After that, Zack settles down and busies himself with his plate of food, and conversation quickly shifts to another interrogation for Josh. 

"So, Josh, what do you do with yourself?" Chris asks genially, and Josh feels a comforting hand being laid on his thigh under the table as Tyler glances at him from the corners of his eyes with an encouraging smile. 

"Well, I was working in a record store with one of my best friends, but both of us left recently for the band. My friend Mark is gonna be, kind of, like, a sort of manager?" he isn't sure why it's a question, but Tyler's father doesn't pull him on it. 

"Ah, I'm glad to hear you boys are taking it so seriously! I must admit, Kelly and I were a little concerned when we heard that Tyler had dropped out of college for a band we'd never heard of," Josh feels the hand on his thigh tightening its grip and he sets down his fork to cover Tyler's hand with his own. 

"Yeah, I think my parents had the same kind of outlook. I believe in us, though. I think we can do it," he grins, and he sees Tyler smiling gratefully beside him. 

"They're great, dad," Zach chimes in. "I heard 'em playing together when I was visiting. They kick ass!"

"Language, Zachary!" Kelly scolds, but she's smiling, and so is Tyler. 

"Thanks, man," Josh says to Zach across the table. "No disrespect, sir, but I don't think we'd be doing it if we didn't believe we could, y'know?"

Chris grins at Josh from the head of the table, spearing a pancake on the end of his fork and setting it down on his plate. "The determination is certainly encouraging!" he enthuses, reaching for the syrup, which is just out of his grasp. 

"Oh, yeah, we're definitely determined," Josh agrees, passing the syrup down to table towards him. "You've gotta be, when you're talking about breaking into the industry. I'm sure you know Tyler's friend Brendon did it with his band, so it's possible. I think we've just gonna focus on trying to build a fanbase in the hometown first. If we have people behind us, they can't ignore us, right, Ty?" he tries pulling Tyler into the conversation, desperate for the heat to be taken off of himself. 

"Right! I mean, we already have people online that like our stuff, one of our songs broke a thousand listens," Tyler chimes in between bites of pancake and maple syrup. 

"You always used to make such a fuss when I called you Ty," Kelly interjects with a knowing smile from the opposite end of the table, and Tyler blushes a furious crimson.

Josh can't help but chuckle as he gives a gentle squeeze to the hand he's still holding on his thigh. Much to Tyler's relief, Zach steers the conversation towards their gig that evening, and they launch into a discussion of their plans for the night as they all finish eating. 

"Oh you mustn't drive all the way back to Athens in separate cars that late at night!" Kelly objects once she learns of their intentions. "You're just asking for an accident! One of you will end up falling asleep at the wheel! No, I won't hear of it. You'll spend the night here. I'll make up the guest bedroom this afternoon."

Josh's face falls a little at the idea of spending the night in separate beds, and Tyler looks ready to object, but she holds a hand up again. 

"You're staying here, that's the end of it. Now, let me get the washing up started, everybody pass me your plates!"

They do as she says, dishes being sent down towards her end of the table where she stacks them high and takes them over to the kitchen sink. 

"You are all excused from the table. Lunch is at two pm, what you occupy yourselves with until then is none of my business," Kelly hums, and Tyler turns to grin at Josh, raising his eyebrows, but Zach interrupts. 

"Hey, could I hear the finished song, guys? If I'm gonna come on stage tonight, we should probably practice together, yeah?" he suggests, and Tyler lets out a sigh, but nods. 

"Good idea, little brother. Although I'm not ready to unload all the crap from the cars just to load it back up, then unload, then pack up again. But we can go over it upstairs, c'mon!"

**-**

Tyler, Josh and Zack spend the next hour in Tyler's almost empty bedroom, listening to the recorded version of Kitchen Sink a few times through, then going over it together. Tyler has rummaged around in the attic and managed to find the cheap, electric keyboard his mother bought him for his sixteenth birthday, the very object that first got him interested in playing music. Josh is using a set of sticks to drum on Tyler's empty dresser against the wall, and Zack is practicing his verse, killing it every time. 

They are interrupted when Tyler's playing stops suddenly at a buzzing from his pocket. He holds up a finger to halt Josh and Zack, seeing that it's Brendon calling him, and he answers the phone with a puzzled expression. 

"Hello?" Tyler gets out, sounding confused, before Brendon's dramatic voice is shrilling in his ear. 

"Tyler Joseph!" he begins theatrically, "I have just walked past a poster claiming that one "twenty one pilots" will be playing the Treehouse tonight, IS THIS TRUE?! Tell me my _best friend_ , my **BLOOD BROTHER** , hasn't gotten his FIRST SHOW AND NOT TOLD ME ABOUT IT?!"

"Hey, man!" Tyler cringes a little with the realisation, then immediately moves to defend himself. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were in town!"

"I'm home for Christmas," Brendon brushes him off, then raises his voice sensationally again, "SO ITS TRUE, THE BETRAYAL IS REAL?!"

"It's real! I'm sorry!" Tyler apologies, then asks, "Are you coming?"

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! OF COURSE I'M COMING, JESUS TYLER!" Brendon yells, and Tyler wonders where he is that he can scream so loudly it's making his ears ring. 

"Okay, wonderful! I'm so glad, I'll see you tonight then!" he grins, and he can hear Brendon make a sigh of disgust. 

"Ugh, I hate you. You better believe I'm coming backstage, bitch," he sasses. 

"Love you too, best fren! I'll see you tonight," Tyler cheers, then hangs up before Brendon can make another scathing remark. 

"Okay, from the top you guys!" Tyler calls out, and Josh hits play for the electronic accompaniment on the laptop with a grin, before Tyler starts playing his chords on the plastic piano. 

*****

All of a sudden, it's lunchtime, and the trio find themselves trudging back downstairs for more food, all three of them filled with anxious nerves. Tyler worries about his vocals, Josh worries about missing his cues, and Zack worries about stumbling over his lyrics. It's in a stony silence that the boys renter the kitchen and take their seats at the table. 

"Well, what's wrong with you three?" Kelly asks, looking dismayed at the solemn faces before her. 

"Pre-show jitters," Josh tries, forcing a smile, and Mrs Joseph sighs. 

"Boys, boys, you'll do wonderfully! It's normal to get nervous before any kind of performance, but don't let it get to you. Just believe in yourselves! Tyler, you believe in yourself enough that you left college!" she encourages, giving Tyler's shoulder a gentle nudge from behind his chair. 

Tyler knows that she's right, and Josh has said it before. If he wants anyone to believe in him and his lyrics, he needs to believe in himself first. He gives her a small smile and a nod of his head, and she looks satisfied enough, clapping her hands together. 

"Right! I'll go and give everyone else another shout for lunch, this pasta isn't going to eat itself!"

As Tyler's mother bustles out of the room, he feels Josh's hand come to rest on his thigh under the table, and turns to smirk at him. 

"She's right, you know. We're nervous, but that's normal. I believe in us," Josh tells him with a beaming smile, white teeth showing and his eyes crinkling at the corners, and Tyler grins back at him. 

"I believe in us too," he smiles, and Josh leans in to peck a delicate kiss to his lips. 

"Gross you guys, get a room," Zack scoffs from across the table, and Josh laughs. 

"We were trying to, but then you came along!" Tyler shoots back with a sneering smirk, and Zack briefly looks horrified, making Tyler cackle, as Kelly comes back in with her husband and youngest children in tow. 

"Right," she starts from the head of the table once everyone has taken their seats. "Before we start lunch, I have something to give you boys," she says to Tyler and Josh. 

They exchange a puzzled look, Tyler shrugging as he turns back to his mother. 

"Since this is the last I'll see of you before Christmas I thought I'd best give you your presents now," she explains, and Tyler suddenly feels intensely guilty for not having gotten her a present yet. 

"Now, Josh, I wasn't quite sure of what to get you, given that I didn't know you yet! But I figured at least you'll use these," she smiles, and from nowhere she produces a set of brand new, bright red drumsticks. 

"Oh, wow!" Josh grins, taking the sticks from her and marvelling at them. "I really love them, and they're a great make, too! Thank you so much!" he beams.

"Oh, don't be silly dear, it's only something small. So, Tyler, your gift is more of a present for both of you," she goes on, and Tyler nods, listening. "As I told you, your father and I were reimbursed for the rest of your college tuition. That money was devoted to your future, that's what that money was for. So we, your father and I, we want you to take it, to put it towards the band. Towards your future," she finishes, smiling at him, and Tyler realises that he has tears in his eyes. 

He gets up from his seat and circles around the table to hug her tightly, feeling her arms squeeze him back just as hard, and it takes all that he has not to burst into tears. She believes in him. She's supporting him. His parents are investing in his band, in Josh, in their future together. 

"Thank you so much," Tyler hushes into her ear in their embrace, wiping tears from his eyes, "you don't know what this means to me." Then he releases her to go and hug his father. 

"I don't know what to say," Josh huffs from his chair, staring into the distance. "This is incredibly generous. Thank you so much. I just... I'm at a loss for words," he articulates. 

"We've set up an account for you, but the money is strictly for band business!" Chris tells them, patting Tyler on the back and then taking his seat again. 

"Of course!" Tyler agrees, sitting beside Josh and feeling a familiar hand squeezing his thigh. "Thank you so, so much. I promise we'll make you proud," Tyler smiles, feeling another squeeze on his thigh. 

"We know," his mother smiles back at him. "Now, let's eat!" she announces, getting up from her seat to fetch a heaping pot of pasta from the stove. 

*****

Tyler feels sick. He and Josh are sitting in the green room backstage after having set up their gear on the stage. The tree in the middle of the performing area is fantastic, Josh has room to do his backflip, sound check went well. He has no right to feel so intensely nervous, so nauseated, and yet...

"I might barf," he whimpers, pacing back and forth across the room and biting at some ragged skin on his thumb. 

"Hey, hey, you're gonna be okay. We're gonna do so great," Josh smiles at him, standing up to approach him in the middle of the floor and running his hands up and down Tyler's arms. "We're gonna be okay, okay?"

Tyler can't answer, feeling bile rising up in his throat, so he just nods, swallowing hard. 

"I get anxious every single time I'm waiting to go on stage. Just take it all one step at a time, okay? Zack's gonna be here soon. Come sit down," he tells Tyler, throwing himself down into the sunken black couch against the wall, the cushions swallowing him up as he lands. 

Josh is right. His mother had refused to come back stage with them, insisting on standing in the front row during the show, but she's bringing Zack along with her and he's going to wait at the side of the stage for his cue. 

Tyler lets out a shaky sigh and plops himself down beside Josh on the couch, where he feels warm, muscular arms snake around his waist and fingers splay across his stomach. He lets out a long breath he didn't know he was holding as he relaxes back into Josh's touch, letting out the softest little moan as his boyfriend's lips and teeth ghost across the skin of his neck. 

"One step at a time, okay?" Josh whispers into his ear, and it still astounds Tyler what a soothing and calming affect he has on him. 

He feels his worries leave him as he buries himself further into the crook of Josh's arms, turning his head to kiss his cheek with a little smile. "Thank you, Jishwa. I couldn't do this without you."

"Right back atcha, baby boy. I'm gonna go get changed, doors open in ten so Zack should be here soon," Josh says, shifting a little behind Tyler, who reluctantly sits forward to let him up, the warmth that was encircling him draining as soon as their touch is broken. 

He watches as Josh crosses the room to dig his shorts and Tyler's leggings out of a bag, grab his skeleton hoody from the back of a chair in front of a small beauty table, then disappear into a bathroom attached to the green room. 

Late one night, while trying to determine a good way to grab people's attention from the moment they walked onstage, Tyler had suggested their Halloween costumes. If they zipped their hoods right up, Tyler using the two zips to leave space to sing, their skeleton faces are sure to have the bar staff looking twice. 

They'll keep their ski masks in their back pockets until the time comes to don them, but for their entrance, they have their hoodies. Tyler's nerves are jittering again as he thinks about their cues, which songs go with which costume, the exact moment Josh needs to get up from his drums and jump on top of the piano, when he might get a moment to climb the tree. 

The nauseated feeling is taking over his stomach once more and he stops himself, repeating Josh's words in his head. Take it one step at a time. For now, get dressed. That isn't so scary, he tells himself. You can do this. With a great, heaving sigh and a quivering moan, Tyler stands up and moves to his own bag of clothes. You can do this. One step at a time. 

**-**

Josh emerges from the bathroom, in black leggings and shorts with his hoody on, eyes smeared with red makeup, to find Tyler, now dressed, still pacing the floor while Zach perches on the arm of the couch, the two of them practically green in the face. Tyler gives him a little smile as their eyes meet. 

"You look great, Jishwa," Tyler smirks, pausing his pacing and straightening the long, black t-shirt he's wearing.

All three of them, Tyler, Josh, and Zack, are wearing black from head to toe, bar the two ski masks. They had decided it was something of a uniform for them, a symbol of their solidarity. They'll stand on the stage, in front of however many people that decide to show up, bulletproof in black.

"You guys look great too!" Josh grins with energy, trying to raise their spirits. "C'mon, it's nearly time to get onstage! I need gum so I don't make my lip bleed again. Zack, you know your cues?"

Zack gives him a nervous nod, rummaging in his pocket to pull out a packet of gum with one hand and passing it over to Josh, who smiles. He notices Zack picking at the hem of his t-shirt that already bears holes. Tyler turns to Josh then, his pallor still a worrying greenish grey shade. 

"Joshie, I don't think I can do this," he practically whispers, his eyes looking bright with tears and full of worry. 

"Hey," Josh hushes, wrapping his arms around Tyler's slim frame and holding him close. "I don't think you can do this either, I **know** you can," he insists, giving Tyler a tight squeeze and then holding him at arm's length to look into his eyes. 

"I'm not ready, Josh," Tyler utters, eyes still swirling with tears and fears. "I can't go out there, I'm not good enough, I need more practice."

"Tyler Joseph, you are playing better than you ever have before and you've never been anything short of incredible," Josh enforces, sounding stern. 

"He's right, man, you're awesome," Zack pipes up quietly from the couch, and Josh grins. 

"Don't listen to that shitty fucking voice in your head, Ty, he doesn't know jack shit," Josh practically growls, leaning in to give Tyler a gentle kiss on the forehead. "You can do this. You're gonna do this. And it's going to be amazing."

Tyler smiles at this, eyes still bright but now with excitement. "Thanks Josh," he speaks softly, pressing an equally light kiss to his lips. "And thanks little brother," he calls to Zack. 

"You're welcome, but I'll pass on the kiss," Zack shoots back with a laugh, and Josh chuckles with him. 

Just then, a member of staff knocks on the door, then pokes her head into the room. "We need you guys on stage in two" she chirps out with a smile, and as quick as she appeared, she's gone. 

"Shit," Tyler breathes, and although his heart is racing, Josh keeps his cool for Tyler's sake. 

"We can do this," he smiles, taking Tyler's hand and squeezing it tightly as he leads them out of the room. 

**-**

Tyler feels like he's in a dream when he first steps out on stage, Mark clapping him and Josh on the back roughly and muttering a, "break a leg," as they pass him on their way out from backstage. Thankfully, the lights beaming down on him as he walks towards his piano make it difficult to see anyone in the crowd past the first two rows of people. As promised, he manages to pick his mom's face out of the crowd, right front and centre, staring up at him. She beams with pride as he looks at her and it makes his heart swell, filling him with confidence. 

"Mom is here," he thinks to himself. "She loves you. She supports you. Prove to her that she's made the right choice."

He sits in silence a few moments more, waiting for Josh to take up his seat behind his kit, grabbing his sticks in hand. 

"I LOVE YOU, TYLER!" comes Brendon's unmistakable squeal from somewhere in the darkness. 

"I love you too!" Tyler giggles into the mic slotted onto his piano, still riding his wave of confidence, then he straightens up his face and posture. "This is Josh," he announces to the crowd, motioning towards the drum kit, "and I'm Josh's fren, and we're twenty one pilots."

At that, Josh presses play on Tyler's laptop setup beside him, while the lights onstage are dimmed. Plunged into darkness, Tyler's heart hammers wildly against his ribcage, as though it's fighting to get out of his chest. He sits through the intro to their first song, recreating every rehearsal they've had in their bedroom for the past week, counting down the seconds until the lights are brought back up and he two of them begin playing in unison, just like their rehearsals only with a thousand times the energy. 

They start off with 'Ode to Sleep', feeling like its a good way to get the crowd's attention right away while Mark films them from the sidelines. Tyler's confidence slowly builds higher and higher as he plays, until he feels as though he's floating on a cloud. 

It's everything wonderful about the first time he and Josh played together at the frat party, and so much more. Tyler has never felt better, more free or open, more in touch with Josh. 

They almost predict one another's every move, even the spontaneous and unplanned decisions made in the moment. Everything seems to flow so perfectly that Tyler feels he must be in a dream. 

With each song they play together, they soar higher, Josh drumming harder than Tyler has ever seen before. His drums are holding up against the pounding beat of his wooden sticks, but only just. 

When it comes to playing 'Holding on to You', the song for which they'd planned Josh's backflip off of Tyler's piano, they pull it off perfectly, better than they'd ever practiced. They even get a gasp from the audience as the two of them mount the piano, Tyler rapping into his microphone as he stands beside Josh, electronic music playing through the speaker system from the laptop, while he readies himself to jump.

Right on Tyler's word, "beat," he motions with his hand and Josh propels himself into a huge, sweeping arc, landing perfectly on his feet with bent legs, and receiving cheering applause. 

Tyler notices that, between serving drinks, the bar staff are looking up to the stage rather than staring at the TV on the wall, and he's filled with pride. They're doing okay. In fact, they're doing freaking great!

Next up is 'Car Radio', one Tyler is excited for. It's new enough for the two of them to put extra energy into playing it, and Tyler even feels a shiver run down his spine as a quiet hushes through the audience with his gentle, solo piano notes. 

The tension builds as Josh adds drumming to Tyler's choruses, gentle by his standards but still sending a thudding beat through everybody's chest. The two build it higher and higher until it crescendos, Tyler slamming his hands down on the keys as Josh's drums become borderline deafening. As the electronic music continues, Tyler seizes his chance and leaves his stool. 

Taking his mic with him, grateful for it's unnecessarily long cord, he tosses it in the air, hooking it over a branch of the tree growing through the stage, and lets it come back down to him, hanging in the air. 

He continues to rap as he scales the tree, mic in one hand as that same hush falls over the crowd. He reaches the highest branch of the tree, Josh's drums still ringing out, as he looks down on the room. Towering over everybody, he can see the crowd below much better. The floor space in front of the stage is practically full, there might even be fifty people down there.

He raps out the last chorus of the song, faces staring up at him as he speaks his prose faster and faster. His final, screamed, " _and now I just sit in silence_ ," rings out over the crowd, Josh's drums and the electronic backing track ending right at the same time, and then the crowd starts screaming with applause. 

The high is unlike any other drug, Tyler thinks to himself as he descends, unhooking his cable from the branch as he goes. This is their last song, and he really doesn't want the show to end. He's never felt this good in his life, having Josh by his side and playing music to a crowd that loves it. He's happier than he's ever been in his life and, for some reason, the nervous look on his brother's face as he watches from the side of the stage, makes his grin even wider. 

As his feet make contact with the stage once again, Tyler makes his way back to the stool behind his piano, the stage lights still dimmed. There's a kind of awed hush still hanging heavy over the crowd as he takes his seat, the air electric around him as his fingers take up their place on the keys. 

His heart hammers in his chest as he gives Josh a nod to start the electronic accompaniment on the laptop, the soft tinkle of the music soothing him a little as he lets it take over him. He feels himself sway as he plays, not paying much attention to the way he seems to violently spasm as he hits the keys. Soon, Josh's gentle drumming is joining him, and he's singing without even having to think about it. 

Everything goes so incredibly smoothly, each unspoken cue gliding seamlessly into the next, until Zack is walking out onto the stage without Tyler or Josh even having to look at him. 

"This is my brother," Tyler speaks into his mic as he keeps up the melody on his keyboard. "He means a lot to me, and he's going to sing for y'all tonight."

With a smile towards Zack, who returns it genuinely, he plays him in, singing his second verse and ending it with an introduction to Zack's verse. 

The lyrics flow from his mouth as smooth as honey, not a single stumble or trip, as Zack raps faster than Tyler could ever dream to. The audience seems stunned by his talent, a silent delay of a few seconds with nothing but the music as Zack finishes his verse, before the audience erupts in enthusiastic cheering, screams and squeals roaring up at them. 

Tyler catches a quick glimpse of his mother, still front and centre despite the push and swell of the crowd around the stage. Their eyes meet and he notices hers are full of tears, but those wonderful kind of tears that hold hope and happiness inside. He grins at her as he plays, receiving a beaming smile in return as she watches her boys perform together. 

Zack comes to stand behind Tyler as he lets the song slowly, quietly trail off into silence, his last few notes on the piano ringing out all around the room. He feels every eye in the house on them as he slowly stands up from his piano, and then the applause starts. Josh comes over to join him and Zack from behind his drums, the three of them taking centre stage, bowing in unison with their arms around one another's shoulders, and the room practically shakes with the audience's applause. 

They've done it. They've killed their first real show. Tyler feels like everyone in the room at that exact time has so much in common, like they're all like minded, this show has been all of theirs. It wouldn't have been much more than any other rehearsal without their crowd. 

"Thank you!" he cries out over the thunder in the room. "We're twenty one pilots and so are you!"

They take one last bow to tumultuous cheering, then walk off to the side of the stage, all three of them floating on the high of a lifetime. The three of them huddle together at the stairs to the side of the performance area, hugging and clapping one another on the back with a round of high-fives, every one of them gushing over what an amazing show it had been. 

Just then, as the stage lights go down and the room is lit once more, Tyler notices a group of kids a few years younger than him lingering around the bar floor at the side of the stage, grinning and giggling amongst themselves. Tyler looks over and smiles, giggles chorusing through the group again. 

"Tyler!" one girl finally calls out to him, and he approaches the crowd with a curious expression. "I've been listening to your music online for months, I love it! You guys killed it tonight! Do you have an album?"

"Wow," he breathes. He's never in his life had a 'fan' before. No one has ever appreciated his music without already having known him as a person before. 

"Thank you! We _almost_ have an album," Tyler giggles, stepping down off the stage to join them, "we're working really hard on it, I promise. Thank you so much, it means the world to me that you came tonight," he beams, and begins hugging all the teenagers crowding around him. 

Josh joins him moments later, looking equally puzzled, and Tyler laughs. "Josh, these are my new frens," he beams to excited squealing among the gaggle of people around him. "We've got Jessie, Emma, Chris, Joe, and Beth," he rhymes off, motioning to each of the teens respectively. More than one of them look overjoyed to have Tyler remember their names. "Hey. I'm starving, you guys wanna come to Taco Bell?"

There's another round of squealing and excited giggles at his proposal, and immediate agreement that tacos sound great. They spend a few moments figuring out driving plans to fit everybody in their two cars, and then the kids help with the dismantling and packing away of all the gear. 

In less than half the time it took to pack up from home, everything is safely stowed away with room for every passenger. Talk among all of them has been so natural that Tyler really does feel like he's among friends. As they take apart Josh's drums and coil up wires, the teenagers slowly begin to share their stories, their struggles, their kitchen sinks and what Tyler's music means to them. 

More than once, he's almost moved to tears by the stories these perfect strangers are sharing with him, the way they're taking his advice, hanging onto his every word, not just hearing but listening. It's reminding him of exactly why he wants music to be his career, his life. This is everything he wants, and now that he's had a taste, he's filled with more determination than ever before. 

He also desperately wants to kiss Josh, to be alone with him, to talk for hours and hours about every single second of the show in great detail, to watch the footage Mark recorded and immediately try to improve upon their performance. 

But that can wait. Tyler certainly isn't a pillar of will power where Josh is concerned, but he can wait...

*****

Around half an hour later, the seven of them are crammed tightly into a booth inside Taco Bell, the table in front of them littered in trays, boxes that once held tacos, and empty wrappers. The tone of conversation between them all chops and changes like the currents of the sea. One moment they're bantering back and forth, poking fun of one another and sharing laughter, the next they're discussing incredibly deep and thought provoking topics, like what each of them feels is the meaning to life, or their own life at least, they talk about religion and faith, they discuss mental health and sadness. 

At one point, in the middle of some general chat about anxiety and depression, something every single person sitting at the table with had dealt with at some point in their lives, Emma turns to Tyler. She was the girl who had called out to him from the side of the stage, the one that's loved his music for months. 

"I've always found therapy in music," she tells him with a wistful smile. "I've been struggling for a very long time, and nothing was working." There's a sadness in her eyes as she looks at Tyler that makes him long to cuddle her, while she lays herself bare in front of everyone. "Your music helps so much," she tells him, reaching across the table to lay her hand on his. "You saved my life."

Her voice choked up on the words, and there are a few murmurs of agreement from around the table. Tyler is so overwhelmed he's close to crying himself, tears dancing on the precipice of his lower lid, eyelashes bracing them before they fall. 

"I'm just so glad I found you," she tells Tyler, letting his hand go with a shy smile and looking down at her lap. 

"Aren't we all," Josh chirps up from beside him, laying a hand on Tyler's thigh under the table and giving it a gentle squeeze. 

There's more general assent around the table, and a few Baja Blasts are raised in his name. The attention makes him feel a little uncomfortable, but at the same time he's so touched. 

"Thank you guys so much," he utters, his voice quavering. "You aren't the only ones using music that way. That's why I want to do this. I doubt myself every single day, but this right here, just talking to you guys. This is why we're doing it," he turns to Josh, who nods in agreement. "You guys are the reason we keep going, so thank you."

The conversation soon shifts, as it has been, to a much lighter topic. The group are trying to rank their favourite fast food joints, each of them making their argument to earn the top spot. At first, Tyler is enjoying the conversation, joining in and campaigning for Chipotle, but Josh is giving him that one infuriating smirk he knows so well, and the hand on his thigh is slowly creeping higher and higher. 

The two of them are still riding the heady high of adrenaline from performing, both of them still sweaty and messy, and the hand on his thigh is still creeping higher, until eventually Josh reaches his crotch. Tyler feels his fingers slowly stroking back and forth, applying pressure, grabbing at him, and he can't stand another second of it. 

He hasn't taken in a single word Emma is saying, biting his lip to keep in the moans dying to escape him as Josh sits calm and nonchalant beside him, while practically jerking Tyler off under the table. 

He flounders as Emma looks at him expectantly, presumably having just asked him a question, and a moan actually escapes him as he opens his mouth to reply to her. Josh still has that maddening smirk on his face as he stops moving his hand, but it stays grabbing at his half-hard cock as he searches for something to say. 

"Actually, you guys, this has been so great, for real, Ive had so much fun," Tyler starts, trying his best to keep his voice steady," but I'm just so exhausted after the show. We really gotta think about heading back home now."

There's a brief objection as his friends try to convince him to stay, Josh staying annoyingly quiet with the corner of his mouth still turned up in that stupid, sexy smirk. The hand on his crotch isn't going anywhere, so Tyler makes a vague excuse and then they're saying their goodbyes. 

Tyler really has had a wonderful time talking to his new friends, and he wouldn't have had any issues with staying on for hours longer, but his desire to get Josh alone right now is overriding anything else. It takes a few minutes for everybody to hug first Tyler, then Josh, but as soon as the last goodbye is said, Josh is practically running out the door and dragging Tyler behind him in the process.

Once they're out the door, Josh pulls Tyler around the corner of the restaurant towards his car, and out of view of the windows. Both of them collapse into giggles briefly, then suddenly Josh is mashing his lips into Tyler's _hard_ with a thigh pressing between his legs, pushing his back up against the car door, and he can't help but make a little moan. 

"Home. _Now_ ," Josh demands, grinding his thigh up into Tyler's crotch and making him groan again, then grabbing his car keys from his pocket.

Tyler rushes to fumble for his own keys, pressing a quick kiss to Josh's lips and then hurrying to his own car. The two of them speed home, almost racing one another as they fly down the roads they both know so well from their childhoods. Before long, they're both pulling up on the curb outside the little house sat in the dark and surrounded by a white picket fence.

The two of them sneak up the driveway, slowly approaching the house in darkness. It appears time got away from them after the gig, it's past midnight and everyone must be in bed. Tyler is relieved to find the door unlocked, and he eases it open for them to creep inside. 

**-**

Tyler is still glowing from the performance, dancing around on his tiptoes and smiling this adorable, gorgeous, toothy grin. As they step into the kitchen, Tyler having suggested making them coffees, he flicks on the lights then twirls around to face Josh, leaning in with his own gorgeous, teasing little smirk. He brushes his lips up against Josh's, hot and wet, open mouthed but barely touching, letting out a quiet whine into Josh's mouth. A flash of his tongue against Josh's bottom lip, and then he pulls away with a giggle, making him growl. 

He wants Tyler. He wants to grab at him, squeeze him, leave bruises on his skin, he can feel the desire coursing through his veins, lust clouding his thoughts. And then his hands are grabbing Tyler's hips and pushing him up against the counter, a hand on his back roughly bends him over and he lets out a stunning little moan that makes Josh's cock twitch. 

"Fuck, baby," Josh huffs out, hands snaking around Tyler's waist to unbutton his jeans as he whines and bucks his ass back into Josh's crotch. "Fuck, good boy," Josh groans, pressing back into him as he undoes the flies of Tyler's pants and yanks them down. 

"Joshie, pleeease," he moans out, and that nickname drives Josh crazy. And Tyler knows it. 

Josh holds a hand high, licking the tips of his fingers, and brings it down on Tyler's asscheek fast and hard, a loud, satisfying smack ringing out in the room briefly before it's drowned out by Tyler's squeal. 

"Baby boy, you've gotta be quiet for me, okay?" Josh asks, grinding himself hard into Tyler's ass and watching him bite his lip as he looks over his shoulder, trying to contain his moans. 

"Okay, Josh," he whispers, breathy little noises coming from him as Josh keeps pushing up against his ass. 

"I'm gonna fuck you hard, Ty," Josh whispers back to him, bending over Tyler's back to talk into his ear. 

A moan escapes Tyler at his words, and Josh tuts. 

"You've gotta keep it down, baby," he goes on, hips bucking into him harder now. "Even when I'm fucking you into the countertop so hard you get bruises on your hips," he growls, and Tyler is whimpering louder now. 

"Okay, Josh, I promise, please," he begs, his ass still grinding.

"Even when I call you my dirty little slut and stretch that tight little asshole out with nothing but my spit," he snarls, biting at Tyler's neck with a harsh thrust into him, and Tyler cries out in desperation, loud enough to be heard throughout the house. 

Josh isn't sure where it's coming from, but he wants to drive Tyler crazy. He wants to make him beg. Josh wants to hurt him. 

"Joshie, fuck me, please, give it to me, I need it, please," Tyler is rhyming off, his hips grinding back into Josh relentlessly as he pants in shaky, moaning breaths. 

"I'm gonna have to find a way to keep you quiet," Josh chides, and Tyler lets out another desperate moan as he grinds his bare ass back, hard. 

"Please, Josh, please," he whines, until he's cut off by Josh's hand around his throat, silencing him as an attempted squeal ends in his vocal chords. 

Instead of words, he shows his approval through his grinding hips, pressing perfect circles back into Josh, who grips one of his hips tightly with his free hand, groaning as Tyler works his ass around him, making him throb in his underwear. 

Reluctantly, Josh lets go of him to push the shorts and leggings he'd worn for the show down to his knees, Tyler still quivering and panting, bent over the counter in front of him. Josh spits in his hand, and he hears Tyler groaning as he listens, making the smirk still gracing his lips turn into a mischievous grin. 

He leans over to spit on Tyler's twitching hole, a muffled squeal coming from his boy as he watches it trickle down the split in his cheeks, cock throbbing again. Another spit into his hand for good measure, and Josh starts to slowly slick himself up, his head glistening wet as he listens to Tyler's tiny little noises of need. 

Josh quickly wipes his hand off on his shirt, then grabs Tyler by the hips again, stepping up behind him until their hips are touching. "You were so fucking incredible tonight Tyler," Josh tells him, a hand wrapped around the base of his dick, lining himself up and still throbbing. "I love you so much."

Before Tyler can answer, Josh is running the head of his cock up and down his ass crack, and instead he begs and pleads to be fucked as he grinds himself into Josh's movements. 

Josh pauses at his asshole, pushing forward just a little, stretching him only the tiniest bit, then pulling back out to slide his head across it. Tyler is crying out at every press into that hot, tight ring of muscle, slick with spit and trying to push down onto him on every dip inside. 

Josh is dragging his nails down Tyler's back to leave bright red tracks as he groans, wanting to mark him up. He notices how, even when he's bent over the kitchen counter, Tyler is dipping his back and pushing his ass up into the air, his back a perfect C curve as he grinds his ass back. Josh is running his hands all over Tyler's asscheeks and the curve of his back, marvelling at how beautiful he is as he presses the tip of his cock in a little.

**-**

Tyler squeals out as he catches Josh off guard and forces him in with just spit on his head. A few inches slowly, agonisingly push inside of him, and Josh halts him. "Wait, lemme use more spit, baby boy," he pants, making to draw himself back out. 

"No," Tyler pleads, quivering, tears in his eyes and pain on every feature. "I like it, it hurts. Fuck, Joshie, it hurts so bad"

He hears an animalistic growl from behind him as Josh starts pressing himself in, ever so slowly, and Tyler feels like he's dying. It stings, it burns, it feels like he's being torn apart, Josh feels unimaginably huge forcing himself inside, and he loves it. He goes to scream again and feels a hand clap over his mouth just in time, muffling his cries of pain and pleasure. 

"Fuck, Ty, baby, you're so fucking sexy," Josh groans out, eyes closed, head falling back as he pushes in an inch further, panting with the apparent pain he's experiencing too. 

Tyler tries to squeal out with the pressure of Josh filling him up further but a hand wraps around his throat again, just a touch too tight. Josh lets go as he hears him choke, and Tyler tries to catch his breath to talk as tears leak down his cheeks. "Fuck, Josh, it hurts, you're so big, it hurts so bad."

Josh lets out a tortured groan at his words, and Tyler feels him, thick and huge, throb inside him. "We can stop, baby boy," Josh starts, but Tyler shakes his head. 

"Please, Joshie, just give it to me," he cries, and with his words, Josh is grabbing Tyler by the throat and fucking up into him almost violently, slamming his cock into him a few times before taking both hands to grab him by the hips and squeeze so tightly Tyler can practically feel the bruises forming. Tyler slaps his hands over his mouth and truly screams, and then Josh is buried to the hilt inside him and Tyler is on fire. 

"Fuck, fuck, Ty, you're so fucking tight it hurts, fuck, good boy, you feel so good," Josh rambles, running his hands gently up and down Tyler's sides. Then he leans in across his back, and Tyler feels breath ghost across his ear as he whispers, "Now, I'm gonna fuck you as hard as I can without waking up your parents, although I bet you'd love that, you little slut."

Josh growls it with a buck of his hips and his head grinds right into Tyler's g-spot, his squeal getting caught in his throat just in time as Josh wraps a hand around it. To show his agreement he starts to grind circles into him again, moans and whines getting caught in his throat as his g-spot is stimulated. 

"That's my good boy," Josh hushes, free hand roaming across Tyler's asscheeks, then giving him a sharp spank, his squeal getting caught again before it escapes. 

The muscles of his ass tighten a little with the stinging slap of Josh's hand, and he hears a low groan from behind him as Josh throbs inside him. With a little smirk, Tyler stretches his neck up to let Josh grip him around the throat a little harder, then he starts tensing the muscles wrapped around Josh, squeezing as tight as he can and then letting go over and over. 

To his delight, Josh starts making those beautiful, delicate, high pitched moans Tyler loves so much, his cock throbbing every time Tyler tightens the walls of his ass around him. It doesn't take too much more of this game before Tyler feels the hand at his throat disappear, and he clamps his own hands over his mouth as he feels Josh's grabbing his hips roughly. He feels him slowly pulling his length out of him, making the process torturously drawn out, Tyler moaning into his palms. 

And then Josh goes ballistic. He fucks Tyler hard and fast, pounding their hips together over and over, that unfaltering rhythm he always has coming into play. Tyler keeps his hands as tight across his mouth as he can, but Josh is fucking his g-spot hard enough that it hurts, and the squeals he's making are enough to be heard through a soundproof door. 

Josh keeps this up, this painful, bruising pace, until Tyler's knees are buckling and making noise as they bang into cupboard doors on every thrust. Then suddenly, Josh pulls himself out with a groan, Tyler protesting right away. Ignoring his cries not to stop, Josh grabs him and turns him around, taking a handful of Tyler's hair to kiss him vehemently, then he lifts him off his feet to plant him right on the edge of the counter, Tyler squealing a little as he's lifted. 

Once he's on the counter, Josh is mashing their lips together again, tongues swirling, Tyler moaning, then he pulls back to spit in his hand, slicks himself up with saliva, and pulls Tyler right to the precipice of the countertop, almost pulling him off the edge. Tyler wraps his arms around Josh's neck and legs around his waist, breath coming in short, sharp gasps as he feels Josh lining himself up again, and then he slips back in. 

It's a little less painful this time, but Josh still has to force himself back in, holding Tyler by the shoulders as he bucks his hips up in short, sharp thrusts, until he's buried to the hilt. Tyler bites and sucks on the skin over Josh's clavicle to stop himself from screaming, the burning pain from being split open back with a vengeance. 

"Fuuuuuuck. Good boy, Ty. You're so fucking tight," Josh groans out, then he draws his length all the way back out to shove back into him. 

His hand is soon wrapped around Tyler's throat again, as he finds it all but impossible to keep the noise down while Josh is fucking him. Josh is on his tiptoes, bucking himself up into Tyler over and over, the strength behind each thrust enough to leave a bruise. Tyler's legs ache, his back aches, his ass aches, but at the same time, with every thrust, pleasure so intense it's almost unbearable sweeps through his entire body, coursing through his veins and lighting him on fire. 

Eventually, Tyler unwraps his arms from around Josh's neck to support his weight with his hands on the bench behind him, and he starts bouncing himself up and down on Josh's cock. Josh is the one who needs to bite the back of his own hand now, trying to muffle loud moans and groans as he bucks his hips to meet him. Tyler can't help but squeal with every bounce, plunging himself down onto Josh's dick, until Josh grabs him and lies him back on the counter, a hand around his throat.

Josh leans over to plant a little kiss on Tyler's cheek, the two of them even sweater and messier than they had been after the show. Tyler lets out this desperate little whine as Josh leans across his body, burying his dick even deeper inside of him, then he whispers into Tyler's ear, "I am going to fuck you as hard as I possibly can, and I mean that very literally, baby boy."

Just the words alone make Tyler squeal out, and the hand around his throat gets tighter, then Josh proceeds to fuck him as hard as possible. There's most certainly bruising on Tyler's inner thighs at this point, and probably a nice red mark around his neck to go with it, but Tyler couldn't possibly care less. 

Josh is fucking him so hard it hurts to an almost intolerable degree, but he's never hit Tyler's g-spot this hard before. It turns him into a quivering mess, groans and moans and pleas and squeals escaping him even with a hand around his throat. 

Just when Tyler thought he couldn't possibly experience any more pleasure, Josh grabs his leaking cock and starts jerking him quickly, in time with every thrust, until Tyler is begging Josh to let him come.

Josh keeps telling him, "Just wait baby boy, just a little longer, be a good boy for me, just hold on to it for a little longer," his hips not missing a single beat, not slowing down, keeping his impeccable pace just like he always does. 

Tyler is writhing around under him, an unbearable mixture of pain and pleasure overwhelming him. His moans and squeals are just coming out as one solid sound as Josh starts making his little, high pitched moans, until finally he whispers, "Okay, come for me baby."

Tyler keeps his eyes open long enough to see Josh's mouth falling open into a silent scream, and they both reach their orgasms in unison, Tyler covering himself and Josh calling out his name. 

The two of them pant and huff for breath for just a moment, euphoria taking over, and then Tyler crashes their lips together, still tight around Josh's cock as he slowly, delicately pulls himself put. Then Tyler watches as Josh licks a line up the come covering his chest, their mouths colliding, saliva and semen swirling around their kiss. 

Once it's broken, they both swallow hard, then break out into massively wide grins. 

"You kinky little slut," Josh growls, pressing another kiss to Tyler's lips and tugging at the bottom one with his teeth. 

"All yours," Tyler winks to him, pecking a kiss onto the end of Josh's nose. "What are the chances that my parents didn't hear that, d'ya think?" he asks with a little smirk, tugging at his jeans to yank them back up his legs. 

"The way you were squealing? Slim to none," Josh chuckles, pulling up his own clothes, and Tyler groans. 

"Please, God, if you exist, don't let my mom have just heard my boyfriend fuck me on her kitchen work surface..."

"You could tell them it was domestic violence if that helps?" Josh offers, laughing, and Tyler shoves him playfully. 

"If they heard, I'm gonna get you back so hard," Tyler threatens, and Josh raises his eyebrows with a smirk. "It's a good thing I don't live here anymore!"

His sentence is punctuated by a yawn, triggering one for Josh too. "Okay, c'mon Tyger, we gotta get you to bed. It's been a big day," Josh ushers, wrapping an arm around Tyler's waist and leading him out of the kitchen. 

"You know what? It's been the _best_ day. And I really mean that. I've never been happier, Josh," Tyler tells him, smiling as Josh leans over to peck a kiss to his forehead. 

"Me neither, baby boy. For real. And we're gonna sit in our fort and talk about it for hours tomorrow, but right now, you gotta get some sleep," Josh insists, and Tyler giggles as he reaches over to press their lips together. 

"You look after me so well, Joshie-bear," he gushes, another yawn overcoming him as they reach the bottom of the stairs. 

"It's my job, Ty," Josh says, as always, and a sleepy little smirk takes over Tyler's features as they sneak upstairs together. 

At the top of the stairs, Josh goes to kiss him goodnight and head for the guest room, but a brief whine of, "Noooo, Joshie-bear," a pout and some puppy dog eyes are all it takes for Josh to agree to sneak into Tyler's room and cuddle him to sleep instead. 

Crammed into Tyler's childhood, single bed, the two of them tangle their limbs together, shimmying around for space and comfort, until Tyler ends up almost entirely on top of Josh, curled into the crook of his arm with his head on Josh's chest, and their legs tied in knots. 

"I love you so much, you don't even understand," Tyler croaks out in a voice half-asleep, his eyelids feeling heavy. 

"I know baby boy, I love you too. Now get some sleep," Josh encourages, but within minutes Tyler's breathing is levelling out, his eyes are closing, and he drifts off into a warm, nostalgic sleep, the happiest he's been in his entire life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can talk to me if you like. I'd love to hear from you.
> 
> Tumblr: http://trashler.tumblr.com  
> Twitter: @rumerpriestly  
> YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/rumerpriestly
> 
> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it.


	49. Don't get too excited

Hi, frens. I'm really sorry, this isn't a new chapter yet. I've been getting so many people asking on so many platforms why I'm not updating and if it's over and whatever else, I thought it would just be easier to say it here. I'll delete this when I'm posting the next chapter. 

It's not finished! I promised from the start that it'd get its ending, and it still will, I swear to God!

I'm in the middle of a really freaking tough time right now, struggling with the most basic and mundane tasks, struggling with even staying alive, never mind trying to write every day. I am so God damn determined to finish this, it's not a question, I'm going to, it's just a question of how long it's going to take. 

Unfortunately, I can't give an answer to that, and believe me that frustrates me more than it does you. I just promise that it's coming. I promise that I'm fucking staying alive and finishing this.

Thank you, every single one of you, for your support, the fact that you guys are still rereading this in the meantime, the words of encouragement and support. I am so, so fucking sorry that I'm keeping you all waiting, I'm sure that shit is annoying, but I promise I'm still trying, and I promise I won't stop until it's done. 

Love you, frens ❤️


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